Yo! Welcome to my new story. It's gonna contain a lot of KHR and Naruto craziness, so stay tuned! I hope you enjoy!

XOXOXOXOXOX

Tsunade was 72 years old when she finally passed away.

She was regarded as one of the best, probably the best Kunoichi to have ever lived. A complete genius in her own right, a pioneer in the field of Medicine, Battle and Politics.

She was a major contributor to the 2nd and 4th Shinobi Wars and songs were sung about her legendary prowess.

And she looked fantastic all the while, to boot.

Yes, she lost her way. She took the whole Nawaki and Dan tragedy way too hard. It was so bad that she had hemophobia. Seriously? Now that was embarrassing.

Thank god that blonde brat slapped her out of it.

All in all, she had a pretty good run. So when she was laying on her deathbed in the Hospital, she had no regrets.

Dully, she could hear Shizune's heartbroken sobbing, Sakura's quiet wails and Naruto's distressed cries for her to hold on.

'Hold on?'

Not fucking likely.

Internally, she scowled. Really, all these brats. Hadn't she hung on long enough? All of them were fucking needy.

And she eloquently proceeded to tell them through hand signs. Her voice wasn't working. In fact, through her professional eye, she could feel her respiratory system shutting down.

Wouldn't be long now.

She softened. Using the last of her remaining energy, she signed to them again.

I'm sorry.

Take care.

Don't join me for a while.

And, as an afterthought, Damn brats.

And she smiled as she released her last breath.

What Tsunade expected was the fluffy clouds and the Golden Gates of heaven.

She expected to see Her Grandmother serenely smiling and her Grandfather brightly beaming at her.

She expected her Grand Uncle sporting a fierce scowl, ready to tear her a new asshole for all her mistakes and discrepancies.

She expected to see little Nawaki dopily waving his arms around.

She expected Sarutobi-sensei to smile genially at her, his old hands wrapped around his cane.

She expected to see Jiraiya and Orochimaru.

Jiraiya and Orochimaru.

No matter what happened. She still loved those two. She grew up with them. Ate with them. Slept with them. Fought with them. Shed blood and tears with them.

Orochimaru's defection chipped off a piece of her soul, just as Dan and Nawaki's deaths had.

Jiraiya's death at the hands of his former student, under her orders, almost completely broke her. Irreparably.

No matter what had happened, she would always remember them as that dysfunctional team struggling to get the bells from sensei.

She had hoped that in death, she would finally be able to see them again.

That they'd be a family again.

But sadly, that wasn't going to happen.

Because she found herself unable to open her eyes, curled up into a little ball, comfortably enveloped in warmth.

At first, she did nothing, content to just be.

But after a while, she got bored.

Extremely bored.

Strangely, she couldn't open her eyes. Her movement was greatly restricted as well. She tried to kick out, but found out her legs only weakly spasmed and were met with smooth, warm walls.

She mildly panicked, trying to reach out with her hands to see what the problem was, but found that she couldn't.

She was about to have a full blown tantrum, complete with her signature chakra punches but a soft, niggling voice in the back of her head told her not to.

And, to her surprise, she decided to listen.

She pouted, but somehow she knew that the voice was right.

Tch. Schizophrenia?

Well, whatever.

So, she waited once more.

And while she waited, she decided to circulate the Chakra through her body.

For shits and giggles. Because, hey, it's not like she had anything else to do.

Somehow, somehow, the chakra felt… strange. It was lighter and slightly more volatile than she was used to. It tried to break out of her control and engulf her, but she wasn't the best Medic-Nin in the world for nothing. Her control was impeccable, thank you very much.

But as the chakra circulated around her tenketsu points, the voice in the back of her head absolutely purred.

Well, that settled it.

She was definitely Schizophrenic.

After an eon of waiting, doing nothing but Chakra control exercises, something changed.

The walls around Tsunade began to close in around her and compress, making her unbelievably uncomfortable.

It continued to get tighter and tighter, and just when she was about to collect her Chakra to her fist and beat her way out of there, useless limbs be damned, her entire world was bombed with sensation.

She didn't realize how deprived she had been inside her warm prison.

Frankly, this was very overwhelming.

She was freezing. Like, freezing. Immediately she circulated her Chakra throughout her body and breathed a soft sigh of relief when the edge of the cold was taken off.

"DOCTOR! Come quickly! The baby's body temperature is much higher than it should be! She may suffer brain damage if it goes any higher!"

Tsunade's brain screeched to a stop.

Immediately she stopped the Chakra circulation and wanted to curse at the return of the cold.

And secondly… a baby? She was a baby?

She could picture Uncle Tobirama cackling in mad glee as it finally clicked.

After all, she wasn't a genius for nothing.

No fluffy clouds and Pearly Gates for her, no sir.

The fucking Shinigami decided to reincarnate her.

She was still dazed when she felt herself being picked up and handed to another person.

"Awwww, Nana, look at her! She's beautiful!"

Tsunade turned her bleary eyes to the couple holding her. Wonderful. The pair seemed to be her new parents.

She gurgled in displeasure.

The pretty, brown haired woman cooed. "Iemitsu, she has your hair! What should we name her?"

The scruffy looking blonde man grinned dopily. "What we already decided!"

He eyed her with a blinding smile. Somehow, the voice in her head told her that she wouldn't like the answer.

"Tsunayoshi! She's my little Tuna-fishy!"

Tsunade's stomach dropped and she gaped at him.

The woman grinned. "That's perfect! Tsunayoshi!"

Tsunade wanted to scream at them. No! That was a horrible name! And a boy's name, to boot! Sure, it was close to her previous name, but yuck! Tsunayoshi? What sort of sadistic, mentally retarded sons of bitches name their newborn little girl Tsunayoshi? This psychotic couple, that's who!

She angrily flailed her arms but found that it didn't help much.

She scowled. Damn her new, undeveloped body!

She was picked up by the man and her soft, sensitive cheek was rubbed against his rough, stubbly cheek.

"Tsunayoshi-chan!"

Tsunade's face was a grumpy mask of stone. Somehow, she had a feeling that this new life was going to be just as rough as her previous one.

Especially when she was stuck with a name like 'Tsunayoshi'.

Fuck 'Tsunayoshi'.

Fuck the Shinigami.

Fuck her Uncle Tobirama, who she swears is still laughing at her.

And fuck this man who was still rubbing his infernal stubble on her cheek.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Oh my god, I have absolutely no idea where this came from. I was studying for my Chemistry exam (Which is tomorrow, by the way) when suddenly BAM! This little fellow was born.

So, I hope that you all enjoyed it! Feel free to drop me a review for anything! I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out. Preferably when I have no more exams in close proximity…