A/N: Hey guys, I'm baaaaacck! Just kidding, but I do have a new story. So I don't know about you guys, but I've always thought All-Stars was the WORST season (along with Action). I've always hated it. So it seemed an ideal season to rewrite from top to bottom. My story doesn't just change 1 or 2 things, it changes several things, big and small. Also I repeatedly make fun of how bad the original was, so if your a fan this might not be for you. My version will also have different pairings, but you won't see any of that right away. The rating is K-plus and it'll stay that way in order to reflect the actual show. This first episode was too long to leave as one chapter so I've split it into two. The second chapter is already written and should be up within 24 hours.

Heroes vs Villains

Episode 1 Part 1

It was a sunny morning on the recently cleaned up Camp Wawanakwa. Chris Mclean stood alone on the rickety dock as the show started, staring into the camera with an evil look in his eyes. "Welcome to Total Drama All-Stars!" He announced dramatically. "After my involuntary year long "vacation" I really need to be in a familiar environment surrounded by the people I love…to hurt." He chuckles at his own joke. "It's a condition of my parole. Except for the hurt part; that's all Mclean!"

He walks down the side of the dock. No one else is there; just him. "So I'm bringing back fourteen TD all-stars to battle it out in the most dangerous, death defying, one million dollar competition…ever!" The sound of a helicopter can be heard in the background. "And here they are now! From revenge of the island say hello to…"

A large green helicopter (probably military) is shown flying a good twenty to thirty feet above the lake. The door opens and Mike is shown standing on the edge. "Multiple Mike!" Chef's arm appears from behind and shoves Mike out of the helicopter. "AKA: Chester, Svetlana, Vito, and Manitoba!" As each new name is called, Mike's body spasms and changes into a different pose. A splash is heard signaling Mike hitting the water.

"Mikes crush turned powerhouse…Zoey!" The redheaded 'indie' girl comes into view standing right where Mike had been five seconds earlier.

"Oh no, Mike! I'm coming!" She cried out in concern before leaping into the water of her own free will.

"Athletic non-supporter Lightning!" The muscular, dark-skinned football player scoffs in apparent disdain at Zoey.

"You call that a dive? Watch this!" Lightning prepares to jump into the lake but is interrupted by Chef kicking him ungracefully out on his butt. The dive is ruined and the athlete hits the water hard on his back.

"Creepy nature-girl Dawn!" Chris announces next, but when the helicopter is shown, no one is there. After a few seconds pass, Chef comes into view and shrugs. "What the…?" The host scratches his head. "Where did she-"

"Hello Chris."

"Ahh!" Chris jumped three feet into the air when he heard Dawns' voice coming from a mere foot away. The ethereal blonde was standing behind him looking calm, with her arms held behind her back. Chris on the other hand, lost his footing entirely and feel into the lake.

He came out ten seconds later sputtering and soaked through his clothes. "Dawn!" he cried out angrily. Climbing onto the pier he tried to shake himself dry before pointing his index finger angrily at the girl. "Don't ever do that again!"

"My apologies," she answered serenely. "I merely found my own path to the island."

"Anyway," the host attempted to regain his composure. "Next up is our challenge-throwing dirt farmer Scott!" Scott is shown clinging desperately to Chef's leg as the larger man attempts to toss him out. "No! I don't want to be on this dumb show!" But Chef ignores him and merely shakes harder until finally Scott loses his grip and falls into the water below with a scream.

"Bossy bruiser Jo, who dominated until her underling turned on her."

The jockette stood on the very edge of the helicopter while Chef attempted to push her out, but she managed to throw him off before pointing a threatening finger at Chris. "You're a dead man Mclean!" But Chef tackles her from behind right after and she loses her footing. Jo screams briefly before falling into the lake with the others.

Chris chuckles at this; highly amused. "And last from our newer cast, military-geek Brick!"

Chef and Brick are shown standing on the helicopter. "Get off this helicopter right now soldier!" Chef whips his right arm outward and points toward the water. "That's an order!"

Brick salutes. "Sir, yes sir!" he leans back and falls off the edge appearing both stoic and graceful. However it's ruined two seconds after falling when he loses his composure and starts screaming.

Chris holds his sides in laughter. When he finally composes himself he wipes a tear from his eye. "And now, from our original cast it's cranky know-it-all CIT: Courtney!"

Chef held the spiteful girl upside down by her ankle. She swayed back and forth out of the helicopter. "This is not in my contract!" At the word 'contract', Chef drops her into the lake and turns away without a second thought.

"Along with her besty-turned-boyfriend-stealer Gwen!"

Gwen angrily punched and kicked Chef as the large man carried her on his shoulders. Hearing Chris' comment she briefly subsided. "Can we please get past that already?" Chef tossed her out like a sack of potatoes and, like Courtney, her last word turned into a scream.

"Brooding bad boy Duncan!"

Chef also threw the punk out of the helicopter, but he didn't fight back. In fact, he appeared unaffected overall and shrugged as he fell into the water. "Bring it on!" was all he said.

"Our queen bee turned anti-hero Heather!"

Chef tossed her as well. The mean girl's ponytail flapped in the wind as she angrily crossed her arms. "I hate you Chris!"

"Pathetic little nerdling, Cody!"

Chef had easily pushed the short brunette off the helicopter, however he clung to the edge with his fingers. "C-Chef! Have a heart, man!" But the dark-skinned man simply rolled his eyes before stomping down on the geek's fingers. "Oww!" Cody lost his grip and fell screaming into the drink below.

"The guy so handsome he makes even me feel uncomfortable…Alejandro!"

The Spanish teen leaned over the edge of the helicopter looking quite confident. "Why yes, I am very handsome. Thank you Chris." Chef then tried to push him off, but he easily sideswiped the man before leaping off the helicopter of his own accord and landing in the lake with a perfect swan dive.

Duncan, who was mere few feet away in the lake, coughed loudly into his hand. "…mary-sue…" A nearby Gwen smiled.

"Super-fan Sierra! Total Drama's number one stalker-I mean blogger!" Chris corrected himself, then paused. "Oh who am I kidding? Girl's a freak."

Chef was nowhere to be found as the purple-haired stalker (half of her hair had grown back) stood on the helicopter. "This one's for Cody!" she then leapt into her water and pulled her legs up before cannonballing into the lake. The impact of her landing caused a huge splash that the other teens either got caught up in, or swam away from as fast as they could.

"Oh man!" Chris laughed loudly. "It's great to be back!"


A few minutes later the host walked off the dock and down onto the beach where all fourteen contestants had washed up. Some had gotten to their feet and were merely trying to catch their breath while others were simply lying there on their backs or stomachs. The only exception was Alejandro, who was standing up straight and looked completely unfazed by the whole experience.

Chris grinned evilly as he stood over them. "Greetings old friends."

Heather coughed up a starfish. "You creep! I am NOT your friend!"

Alejandro walked over wearing an amused smile. "Sounds like someone's in a bad mood. Did you miss me, mi'amore?"

The dark-haired girl gagged. "Ugh you wish creep! Didn't that kick to your coconuts last season get it through your thick head?"

The Spanish teen's smile twitched. "I know you only did that to win the million. I understand, I would've done the same…"

Heather rolled her eyes. "Whatever you have to tell yourself. Hey, didn't you get horribly injured when your face met the volcano? Why aren't you horribly scarred?"

Alejandro did not answer her, instead he flashed her his bright shiny teeth and smiled. "Worry not, my handsome appearance is unharmed. I am just as beautiful as the day we met." Heather scoffed as this, but said nothing.

Meanwhile Zoey was helping Mike to his feet. "Are you okay?"

"Fine, thanks," he wiped some sand off his shirt. "So uhh…it's nice to see you again."

"Oh…yeah," Zoey pulled back her arm and awkwardly rubbed the back of her head. "It feels like forever. I…missed you."

*Confessional*

Zoey: It turns out Mike and I don't live that close by, so we haven't been able to see each other since season four ended. We try to talk online and on the phone, but you'd be surprised how often one of his other personalities interrupts…"

*End Confessional*

Courtney stood up and walked over to Chris looking angry. "You're going to pay for my dry cleaning."

"No I'm not," the host pulled out a large stack of papers. "New contract, remember?"

*Confessional*

Courtney: Same old Chris, same old disgusting island. What was I thinking? A million dollars isn't worth this torture!

*End Confessional*

Feeling as if he were on a roll, Chris continued. "In fact, we've got a lot of big changes for this season. One: the island is now one-hundred percent toxic waste free!"

"Well duh," Gwen scoffed. "You think any of us would've come back to this dump if it wasn't? What kind of crazy person would be on a show with actual toxic waste?"

"Umm…" Zoey, who was standing nearby, raised her hand.

"Oh…" Gwen looked embarrassed. "Sorry…"

Chris chuckles at this exchange. "Nice one Gwen! Maybe this will make you feel better, or at least less awkward: I've upgraded your accommodations." An intern walked over pushing a flat screen TV on wheels over to the host. "If you're on the losing team, you still have to sleep in the normal crummy cabins."

Using a remote to turn the TV on, Chris showed them all a picture of the same kind of cabin they were used to. This was followed by various complaints, groans, and other unnecessary sound effects from the teens. "But the winners," Chris pressed a button on the remote and the picture changed, "get to stay in the all new, Mclean Spa Hotel!" The TV now showed an image of an impressive looking two-story house you might find on the rich side of town.

"…complete with butler, hot tub, and twenty four hour masseuse!"

The contestants angry glares and frowns were flipped over and became smiles and happy exclamations. They actually cheered for once. What is that, the only time?

Chris allowed the cheering to continue and die down on its own, as he mistakenly believed it was for him. "Now, this is Total Drama All-Stars so I tried to find the fourteen best contestants this show has ever seen. Unfortunately those guys were busy so I got stuck with you lot instead." He laughed at his own joke, but heard only crickets from the teens who glared at him in disdain. "Anyway, to make your all-star status more fun, I've decided to break you up into two teams based off your prior performance: heroes and villains." Many of the contestants looked surprised to hear this, one of them smirked.

*Confessional*

Heather: Obviously I'll be on the villain's team, and I'll be running it by lunch!

Gwen: Heroes versus villains? Guess Duncan and I won't be on the same team. Unless Chris considers Duncan a hero (she laughs). Yeah right.

Sierra: Oh this is so perfect! Cody and I will be on the same team for sure! We'll be heroes together, yay!

Brick: I hope I make it on the heroes team. I know I made some mistakes last season, but I've tried to make up for it since them. I've done extra push-ups in gym, I helped old ladies cross the street, I even gave money to charity!

*End Confessional*

"So," Chris spoke. "Duncan, Jo, Lightning, Courtney, Scott, Sierra, and Alejandro, from now on, you're the Villainous Vipers!" An image of a snake appeared in a circle with a red background.

"Mike, Zoey, Cody, Gwen, Brick, Dawn, and Heather, you are the Heroic Hedgehogs!" An image of a hedgehog appeared in a circle against a blue background.

Several loud cries of surprise went up from members of both teams. Sierra was the loudest. "WHAT-WHAT-WHAT?!" she slammed her hands over her ears and shook her head vigorously, as if attempting to wake up from a dream. When it failed to do anything, she ran over to the host and began shaking him violently. "Why am I a villain? I'm nice! I do nice things!"

"You're kidding right?" Chris smirked. "You spent season three stalking Cody, stealing his stuff, violating his personal space and asking him uncomfortable questions. You barely spoke to anyone else, and most of the time it was you telling them to stay away from Cody. Heck, you even made a deal with Gwen that you'd vote with her if she promised to, and I quote," he made quotation signs with his fingers, " 'stop being so nice to Cody' end-quote."

Hearing this, Cody crossed his arms and glared at the super-fan. Sweat started dripping down her face. "W-Well yeah, but we were friends at the end! Best friends! And I helped him so many times! Like, remember that time I rescued him from wild monkeys?"

"He only needed rescuing after you drugged him and carried him around on your back!"

"Oh…" Sierra blushed awkwardly. She racked her brain for a few seconds, but when no obvious solutions came to her she flung herself down at Chris' feet and started sobbing. "Please Chris! Please! I have to be on the same team as Cody! I have to!"

"Chef," Chris snapped his fingers and the large man appeared and dragged Sierra off him. "Sorry, but the answer's no."

*Confessional*

Cody: Am I surprised Sierra is on the villain's team? Not really. I did make friends with her in the last few episodes of World Tour, but that was mostly because of how much she was willing to give up for me. I appreciate everything she did for me of course, but after the season was over she kept trying to take us from friends to something more, and it really put a strain on our friendship.

*End Confessional*

"What about me?" Courtney demanded. "Why am I a villain? I'm a nice person, I help people, I'm a CIT! I should be on the heroes team!"

"Have you forgotten about your actions during TDA?" Chris asked her. Courtney froze and had the decency to look ashamed. "You weren't much better in the second half of World Tour. Throwing challenges, screaming at everyone, helping Alejandro…"

"That wasn't my fault!" Courtney interrupted. "I was distraught after Duncan cheated on me with that hussy Gwen! I wasn't in my right mind when Alejandro manipulated me! It's not fair."

"Yeah…" Chris admitted. "But even after you were eliminated and learned that he was nothing more than a two-faced liar that never cared about you at all-"

"Hey!" Alejandro called out angrily.

Chris ignored him. "Even after learning that, you were still his most vocal supporter and wanted him to win over Cody and Heather, neither of whom had hurt you. So yeah…you're a villain." Courtney opened her mouth to argue, but the host cut her off. "That's my decision Courtney! It stands!"

*Confessional*

Gwen: I feel kinda bad for Courtney. I know a lot of what happened last season was partially my fault for kissing Duncan when he was still her boyfriend. I hope my actions didn't drive her to the villains' team. That would be horrible!

*End Confessional*

"But surely," Heather spoke up, drawing attention over to herself. "There's been a mistake with my placement, right?" She looked ready to laugh at the very idea. "I mean, I can't be a hero! I'm the original Total Drama villain! I'm no good guy!"

"Yeah…" Chris chuckled to himself. "You'd think so right? And yet, you spent World Tour as an anti-villain more than anything. Then in the last episode, you stood up to Alejandro and became more of an anti-hero."

"Yeah Heather," Cody spoke up. "Don't you remember me saying you were the good guy back then?"

"Well yeah," Heather shrugged. "But I didn't take you seriously. Plus, what about me…kissing…Alejandro?" she struggled to get the words out.

"He was going to win, so you tricked him to lower his guard, then kicked him in the kiwis and tossed him off the volcano so you could win," Chris said. "Sounds like a good reason to kiss him to me."

"What?" Courtney complained while folding her arms. "Heather gets to be a hero, but I don't? How is that fair?"

Chris' eyes narrowed. "Zip it Courtney, or I'll make Chef find you a muzzle!" The CIT glared at him, but she did so silently. "Anyone else have any complains?" The other contestants all shook their heads. "Good."

"Can we hurry this up?" Lightning asked impatiently. "Lightning does not care what team he is on, he just wants to win!"

"Ha!" Jo gave a mocking laugh. "You think you'd care, considering how badly your team lost last season."

Lightning balled up his fists and turned to glare at the jockette. "You were on Lightning's team too Jo! You creepy man-woman!"

*Confessional*

Lightning: What'd you call those people that are both guys and girls? Men-shes? No that's not right. Well whatever it is, Jo must be one of them! I can't believe she tricked me last season into thinking she was a dude! This season she's going down!

*End Confessional*

"Enough arguing," Chris interrupted. "Onto the challenge. This season's challenges are all nods to classics from the past. But they each have a harsh new twist to make this the toughest Total Drama season ever! Your first challenge? Find the key to the spa hotel. You'll do it in an homage to Total Drama's first ever challenge: cliff-diving into water filled with ravenous sharks!"

Scott gulped.

*Confessional*

Scott (huddled in the fetal position): Okay, so maybe I have a phobia of s-s-sharks. Can you blame me?

Courtney: Oh no, not that challenge. I almost got eliminated by my team after I refused to jump and Chris called me a chicken!

*End Confessional*

"Once you dive into the water, try to avoid the sharks long enough to grab a key hidden somewhere on the lake floor. And remember: choose wisely, only one of those suckers is the real deal. Assuming you live long enough to reach dry land, one of your teammates will drive you to the hotel in one of the baby carriages from season three's 'race through central park' challenge."

An intern drives onto the sand in a beige jeep. Chris walks over to it as he talks and hops on. "The first team to unlock the spa door, wins and gets the luxury of spending the night inside. Meanwhile, someone from team loser will be going home tonight. Meet me at the base of the cliff in fifteen minutes. Chop-chop." He sits down beside the intern who drives the jeep away.

"Wait!" Mike called out. "Shouldn't we change into our swimsuits first?"

"Go ahead!" Chris yelled back. "Doesn't make a difference to me!"


A/N: The challenge is on the second chapter. Since Chris explains the team changes for himself, I thought I'd give a brief explanation as to why I added/subtracted certain characters into the season.

Cody replaced Sam. I love Sam, but he's not much of a hero, and what's worse, the actual season just used him as a punching bag. Cody meanwhile is much more of a hero and made it to the final 3 of World Tour.

Brick replaced Cameron. Wanting to keep to the original 14 players I didn't have a lot of choices here. Brick is easily the most deserving guy from ROTI to be on the hero team. I had to choose between getting rid of Cameron or Mike, and Cameron had already won a season and seemed less likely to want to return than Mike.

Dawn replaced Lindsay. Whether Lindsay would be a good hero or not is debatable, however the original season used as nothing more than cannon fodder. The hero team needed another girl from ROTI, and Dawn seemed the best choice despite her early elimination.

Next chapter should be up soon, but feel free to leave me a review. They are appreciated.