This funny little tale came to me after reading a thread in The Dresden Files group on Facebook. I hope it amuses you as much as it amused me. The characters, places and magic here are the creations of Mr. J. Butcher and Ms. J. K. Rowling. I am merely playing from their sandpit so to speak. I gain nothing but amusement from my stories.

Hogwarts, Scotland.

The Headmaster's office of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry was a very odd place, decorated a bit like a kleptomaniac gypsies caravan, with magical gizmos, whatsits, thingamabobs and doodads whirring and puffing on elegantly carved, highly polished delicate tables and shelves. Hundreds of books and portraits of apparently dozing former Heads of Hogwarts in a variety of different frames, covered the circular walls. parchment-work cluttered the large ornate desk and Fawkes, Dumbledore's magnificent red and gold Phoenix sat upon his perch, basking in the warm afternoon sunlight pouring in through the casement windows.

Currently Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts was arguing with his Deputy Headmistress Minerva McGonagall over his choice of Professor for the vacant Defense Against the Dark Arts position. Again. It was a familiar argument by now, as capable Professors became harder and harder to find. After the unmitigated disasters that were Quirrelmort, Lockhart and the False Moody, Dumbledore had made a drastic decision. One he was now justifying to his deputy.

"You can't be serious Albus! You know his reputation as well as I do!" McGonagall protested. For all the good it would do, Albus had already made up his mind. "He's not even one of us! He didn't get a formal magical education, just a Council apprenticeship. He advertises out of a phone book for Merlin's sake. And even his own kind are wary of him, the Red Court have gone to war because of him! Most of the monsters either want to kill him for bragging rights or keep as far from him as possible! He could bring bigger problems to our doors, Albus!"

"Indeed I do know of his reputation, that is why we NEED him here. He dueled and defeated Justin DuMorne, and DuMorne was trained within our walls. He may have strayed far from our world but the skills are there. It's him or Madam Umbridge.. who do you think our students will respond to better? Especially Young Mister Potter? Madam Umbridge's views are very well known.. as are her connections within the ministry."

" Oh Merlin's saggy... That horrible toad woman! That being the case I won't fight you anymore Albus, but I have some conditions."

"Oh, and what would they be, Minerva?", her old friend and mentor asked, that damned twinkle in his eye. Her near swearing was proof of how tense she was. A few minutes later it was his turn to want to swear.

Smiling archly, Minerva McGonagall laid down the law for her boss.

"One: you will need to PERSONALLY upgrade the fire, earthquake, and storm wards to the fullness of your abilities."

"Now, Minerva..."

She held up her hand and gave him the look that had cowed many a recalcitrant student. He wisely shut up.

"Two: You and Severus WILL remove that bloody great basilisk from under the school. I am sure Mr. Potter would be more than happy to help you get in."

Dumbledore looked confused at the instructions.

"Do you NOT remember what he did with that dinosaur skeleton? I, for one, do not want a zombie basilisk being ridden through the halls!"

Dumbledore looked thoughtful. "You know, it would certainly increase our offensive advantage..." Upon seeing his Deputy's expression, he held up his hands. "Yes, yes, you are , of course, correct. Hopefully the promise of vast quantities of basilisk parts will offset Severus' distaste for all things Potter. And as we will be entering the famous Chamber of Secrets I believe he may even hold his tongue for once."

Minerva snorted, "One can only hope. Now, whilst we are on the subject of Severus. YOU get to tell him who has the D.A.D.A. position next year. I am sure he will be utterly thrilled to be once again denied his desired job... and overjoyed to be in the company of a Warden to boot. It couldn't have been worse if you hired Sirius."

"Alas my dear, I would have loved to be able to hire Sirius. We can only hope Peter slips up or is seen soon. I fear for Sirius' sanity if we have to leave him in that house too long." The old man sighed. "Fine. And you're right, I should be the one to speak to Severus. Perhaps after we harvest the basilisk he will be too preoccupied to get upset."

"Your showing your Slytherin side again, Albus." Minerva teased, no real malice in her voice. Indeed her mentor shared a chuckle. She kept her thoughts on Sirius' questionable sanity to herself. Personally she'd often thought her former lion quiet deranged BEFORE his incarceration.

"Anything else my dear?"

"Hmm.. oh yes. I'll ask the elves to organize quarters for him. I expect he will be bringing his familiars. I am guessing you hope that he will help with our... problem?"

Albus just twinkled at her and took a lemon drop. Minerva sighed. "You can be such a manipulative bastard sometimes, Albus. Truly, you can." Dumbledore had the decency to almost look ashamed. "The man was an orphan, abused and unloved as a child, attacked by a dark wizard, frequently persecuted and distrusted by his own kind and the Muggles. He is also well known for being a champion to the underdog, and for having a 'saving people thing' just like our own Mr. Potter. You're going to introduce him to Harry and see what unfolds, aren't you?"

Dumbledore smiled serenely at her and selected another lemon drop. She frowned.

"I hope you know what you are doing, Albus. He can apparently be quite irrational about those he considers under his protection. This whole thing could blow up spectacularly."

"I am aware of that, Minerva, but I have no other choice. We can't have the ministry poking throughout Hogwarts. And though Dolores Umbridge is not a Death-Eater to my knowledge, she certainly agrees with their ideologies. She already has Mr. Potter in her sights. I do not want her getting too close to the boy, he endures enough grief as it is."

"Yes, and whose decision was that?" McGonagall snapped. She sighed, not wanting to get into another old argument. "On that note Albus; you really need to reign Severus in. He never lets up on the boy. Harry is not his father, no matter how much he may resemble him."

Dumbledore was already shaking his head. He leaned forward and stared hard at his Deputy. "Minerva. Surely you know what would happen if Severus were to let up on Harry now? With Tom back and powerful again? Being even civil to Harry, or to anyone not 'worthy' could cost Severus his life. His value as a Potion Master and spy may spare him, but Voldemort is not known for making rational decisions. So Severus 'stays in character' as the Muggles say. I daresay it is as unpleasant for him as it is for us."

His deputy snorted. She thought Severus was perfectly happy being the 'Dreaded Dungeon Bat'.

"Be that as it may, you should warn him. His typical brand of addressing everyone is probably not going to go over well with our newest possible member of Staff. You know how he typically reacts to bullies. I hope this doesn't go badly Albus. Have you thought about what will happen if the Curse does something to him? I, for one, do not want another visit from the Black-staff. I hope this works Albus, I really, really do."

For once there was no twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes. "I know Minerva. So do I. He may be our last chance to come out of this war victorious."

Minerva McGonagall chuckled. "I'm just grateful stone is somewhat hard to burn."

"Now Minerva, you know not all those burning building were his fault."

Due to popular demand this will continue in a fairly relaxed form. Hats off to my fantastic new proof reader and fellow writer, 6Q4 Ninja.