Author: Kate Anderson
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine. As much as I wish they were, they belong to Edward Allen Bernero, John Wells and some other fine folks. I'm just borrowing them for a while!
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: none
Summary: Never accept lemonade from a blonde
It was the end of a long shift and Bosco was feelin' mighty fine. In fact, some might argue that Bosco was feelin' a little too fine...
Several hours earlier
"Thank you so much for all your hard work officer," said the blonde with the large, over-inflated breasts. "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been here."
Faith rolled her eyes. Bosco's eyes nearly popped out of his skull as the blonde bent over and picked something up. "Your very welcome ma'am." Bosco replied.
"You gonna be okay now on your own?" Faith asked, wanting to get the hell away from this woman.
The blonde stuck out her very plump bottom lip. "I just don't know. I feel all shakey. Maybe you should stay for awhile longer." She looked over at Faith. "You can leave if you have other things to do. Your partner can stay with me."
Faith tried to cough discretely but failed. Instead she sounded as though she were hacking up a lung. Bosco looked over at her with concern. "You okay Faith?" He began to pound on her back.
Faith nodded, her head bobbing each time Bosco hit her back. "Just fine. I think I just swallowed the wrong way."
The blonde nodded her head knowingly. "I do that all the time." she said and giggled. "Usually there's a very handsome man nearby to help me out though."
Bosco grinned at her. The blonde smiled, showing her insanely white teeth. Faith took a step back and tried not to look directly at them. She was concerned that she may go blind. "Uh ma'am," Faith said, still averting her eyes. "My partner and I go together. If you need him to stay, I'm staying as well." There was no way she was gonna leave Bosco at the mercy of this oversexed bitch.
The blonde shrugged her thin shoulders. "Okay," she said brightly. "It's so hot out, you must be thirsty. Can I get you something to drink? Maybe some lemonade? I squeeze the lemons myself."
Bosco's eyebrows raised a bit. "Really?" he asked, sounding intrigued.
The blonde nodded. "You can watch me if you want."
Bosco took off his hat and ran a hand over his brow. "Now that you mention it, I am feeling a little parched. How about you Faith?"
Faith rolled her eyes again. "I'm fine Bos, but feel free to watch her squeeze the lemons."
The blonde let loose a small giggle that sounded like a squeaky toy. She grinned again and Faith sighed. "Come on officer. Let me show you to the kitchen."
Bosco tucked his hat under his arm. "Lead the way." he said. The blonde began to walk, swaying her hips from side to side. Bosco watched and followed, as if mesmerised by her ass.
Faith watched them leave and sat down on the front stoop to wait for Bosco to finish. She didn't care if they were having a quickie in the kitchen or if she actually was just giving Bosco a glass of lemonade. Faith just wanted to get back in the squad car and never have to look at another blonde bimbo in her life.
_____________
"So then, I cut the lemon in half and I squeeze." The blonde wrapped her long fingers around the lemon half and squeezed it.
Bosco watched with his mouth open in a round 'o'. "That's fascinating..." he mumbled as he watched the juices drip from the lemon and into the glass.
The blonde raised a perfectly sculpted eyebrow. "Then I add my secret ingredient." She reached for a shaker filled with white granules that looked suspiciously like sugar.
"Isn't that just sugar?" Bosco asked.
The blonde giggled. "No silly, everyone knows that sugar always goes in lemonade! This is an extra special secret ingredient."
"Oh." Bosco said. The blonde emptied about half the shaker into the glass and then opened up her fridge door.
"I only use imported bottled water." she said and took out a plastic bottle. "It's from Canada."
"Yeah, I hear their water is really clean up there." Bosco replied. The blonde opened the bottle and emptied the contents into the glass.
"Then I give it a little stir..." She stuck one long, perfectly manicured finger into the glass and swirled the liquid around. "Now, take a sip."
Bosco took the glass and raised it to his lips. He took a tiny sip, moving the liquid around in his mouth before swallowing. "Mmmm good," Bosco said, licking his lips for emphasis. "Best damn lemonade I've ever had."
The blonde put a hand over her mouth and giggled a bit. Then she stuck the finger that had been in Bosco's lemonade into her mouth and sucked on it. Bosco couldn't take his eyes off that finger. So he took another sip while staring at that finger.
_______________
Meanwhile outside, Faith's butt was getting numb from sitting on the concrete stoop. She checked her watch and sighed. Bosco had been drinking lemonade for ten minutes now. It must be really good lemonade. But to hell with the lemonade, Faith thumbed her radio. "Bosco, are you almost finished with your refreshments?"
She clicked off the radio and waited for a response. "Geez Yokas, hold yer horses." came the reply a few seconds later. And then, "You sure you don't want any lemonade? It's really good."
"I'm sure it is Bos, but if you don't have your ass outside in thirty seconds..."
"Okay, okay! What crawled up your ass and died?"
Faith snarled and chose not to dignify Bosco's comment with a reply. A group of passing kids stopped at stared at the snarling policewoman. Faith raised her upper lip and stared right back at them. "What are you looking at?" she asked. She thought about waving her nightstick about menacingly, but that might be taking things just a bit too far.
"Nothing!" one of the kids replied and then they ran down the street laughing.
Faith stood up and brushed off her behind. Then the door opened and Bosco stepped outside, laughing. The blonde was right behind him, giggling. Faith wanted to pull out her gun and start shooting.
"Thanks for the lemonade," Bosco said. His eyes floated around a bit before landing back on the blonde's chest. "It was delicious."
"I'm glad you liked it Officer."
"Still won't tell me what that secret ingredient is though?"
The blonde shook her head, curls bouncing. "Nope!" she replied gleefully. "That's why it's called a secret!"
Faith rolled her eyes and tugged on Bosco's arm. "Bosco, let's go."
Bosco grinned at the blonde once more and she flashed her teeth at him again. Faith decided those teeth were definitely a bleaching job gone bad.
______________
The shift passed without incident. Relatively speaking. With Bosco in the car, there were always minor incidents. But so far he hadn't pushed anyone off a building or accepted anymore invitation for some 'lemonade'. In fact, he was unnaturally silent as Faith pulled the squad to a halt outside the precinct.
"You okay Bos?"
Bosco head lolled to his side. "Just fine cutie." he replied and opened his door.
Faith watched him hop out and shook her head. "Cutie?" she mouthed silently and then shrugged her shoulders. She'd been called worse things before, cutie seemed relatively minor.
Faith followed Bosco into the stationhouse. He smiled at everyone that they passed by and gave friendly smacks on the shoulders to the other officers. "Lookin' good Sul!" Bosco exclaimed as they passed by Davis and Sully who had just gotten off shift as well. "You been losin' some weight?"
Sully put a hand on his rather ample belly and just stared at Bosco. "What's up with him?" he asked in a whisper as Faith walked by.
Faith shrugged. "He got some 'lemonade' from a blonde at one of our calls," she replied. "He's been a little off since then."
"Bosco's been gettin' nookie on the job now?" Davis asked, staring at Bosco as he entered the locker room. "Isn't there some law against that?"
"Yeah, but since when has that ever stopped Bosco?" Sully supplied.
The three of them laughed a bit and then went into the locker room. They stepped over a pile of clothing at the door that looked suspiciously like Bosco's. Faith bent down and picked up the shirt. Putting it to her nose, she inhaled deeply. "Definitely Bosco's." she said and picked up the pants.
From the other side of the room, where the showers were located, water started running. "Bosco get dirty today?" Sully asked.
Faith shook her head. "Not that I know of. Maybe he made a date with the lemonade chick though."
Faith set Bosco's uniform down on the bench in front of his locker and then moved over to her own locker. As she stripped off her blouse, a strange noise began emanating from the direction of the showers. It sounded like singing. Really bad singing. Cat being strangled type singing.
"Is Bosco singing?" Davis asked, scrunching his face up. "Sounds horrible."
As if in response to Davis' comment, Bosco increased his volume. Sully tried to cover his ears, but it failed to completely block out the sound. "Hey Bosco, shut the hell up!" he called out.
Bosco didn't stop. Well, he did momentarily while he changed his song selection. Sully threw his duffel bag down onto the bench. "That's it, I'm goin' over there and shuttin' him up myself!"
"Hey Sul, leave him be!" Davis protested. "It's kinda funny. Anyone got a recorder?"
"I refuse to listen to how sexy Bosco thinks he is." Sully replied and stomped over to the showers.
The singing didn't stop. It continued and was joined by a shrill scream from Sully. "Oh for the love of God man! That's wrong!"
Sully appeared back by the lockers with a frightened expression on his face. "He's doing hip swings." Sully stated and grabbed his bags and left the room.
Davis chuckled and picked up his own bag. "Gotta go Yokas," he said, "Hot date tonight. Jasmina." Davis raised an eyebrow suggestively.
"That's great Davis," Faith replied. "Say hi to Jasmina for me."
"Will do." Davis said and headed for the door. "You might wanna get Bosco checked out." he said and then left the room.
Faith sighed and sat down on the bench to pack up her bag. The water stopped running in the shower and Bosco's volume decreased ever so slightly with the absence of other noise. Faith jammed her shoes into her bag, cursing as she tried to stretch the material over them.
"Dammit, just get the hell in there." Faith muttered and pushed her hair back from her face.
Suddenly a pair of bare feet appeared in her line of vision. Wet feet. Wet feet that had left wet footprints across the floor. She stared at the feet for a while before moving her eyes up. Bare legs. Very muscular bare legs.
Her gaze travelled upwards. "Hey Faith," Bosco said, his voice low.
"Um, hi Bosco." Faith said, trying not to stare directly at him. Not because she thought she'd go blind, but because it just wasn't proper.
Bosco began to hum softly and his hips began to move. Faith stared at him, watching his hips and another portion of his anatomy sway. Bosco grinned and continued to hum.
Faith coughed and put her head in her hands. "Okay Bosco," she said, not looking up. "You've had your fun."
"No, I haven't." Bosco replied and touched Faith's shoulder. His fingers danced over the shoulder and touched the bare skin of her neck.
"Bosco, I think maybe you need to sit down." Faith said, still not looking up.
Bosco frowned. "I'm insulted Faith." he said softly. "You don't want me?"
"No!" Faith exclaimed. "I mean, I'm married Bos. And besides, the locker room?"
"There's benches." Bosco replied. "Come on Faith, it'll be fun."
"No way." Faith stated. "I think there's something wrong with you Bosco."
"Wrong with me? Nothin' wrong with me!" Bosco said with a grin. "I feel good. I feel really good."
"That's the problem," Faith replied. She looked up. Don't look at it, don't look at it. Her eyes travelled across his chest and finally to his face.
"I think we'd better get you dressed and take you across the street. Maybe one of the paramedics can take a look at you."
Bosco frowned and stuck out his lower lip. "If you insist. But they'd better make it kinky. Maybe Kim can take a look at me."
"If she's not busy, I'm sure she'll be glad to." Faith replied and stood up.
______________
"So then, he comes out of the shower, naked as the day he was born," Faith said and then lowered her voice. "And he tried to get me to have sex with him."
Kim glanced over her shoulder. "And that's a problem?"
"Would you just take a look at him!?"
"Okay," Kim said and turned to Bosco who was sitting in a chair, swinging his feet. "How are you feeling Bosco?"
"Damn skippy." Bosco replied. "Faith's over reactin'."
Kim shone a light into Bosco's eyes and made a few faces. Then she took his blood pressure and frowned. Turning to Faith again she whispered, "Does Bosco, um, well you know, ever take drugs?"
"Drugs?" Faith frowned. "No, never."
"Did he eat anything today that was out of the ordinary? Anything that you didn't have?"
"Why you whisperin'?" Bosco asked, looking insulted. "You're talkin' about me. You tellin' her about me Faith?"
"Yeah Bos, that's what I'm doin'" Faith replied and looked at Kim. "There was one thing..."
"What's that?" Kim asked.
"That damn bitch with the lemons!" Faith exclaimed. "She drugged him!"
"Damn bitch with the lemons?" Kim repeated, looking for Faith for clarification.
"Some horny bitch invited Bosco in for lemonade. Said she squeezed them herself. I thought she invited him in for sex, but maybe she actually gave him lemonade."
Kim nodded and knelt down beside Bosco. "Bosco, when you had lemonade today, did you see what that woman put in it?"
Bosco grinned stupidly. "Extra special secret ingredient."
"Secret ingredient? Did she say what it was?"
"No," Bosco said with a duh expression on his face. "Then it wouldn't be a secret."
"Alright," Kim said and patted Bosco on the shoulder. "Let's get him over to Mercy. We can find out what she put in his drink and hopefully get him back to normal.
"You gonna strap me down?" Bosco asked, a hopeful expression on his face.
"If you want." Kim replied.
"Sweet."
Faith sighed and shook her head. Never again, she vowed. Never again would she let Bosco have lemonade with a blonde hussy.