Chapter 1

Prepared

Severus Snape had just told Albus Dumbledore that he was prepared, and he was. He was prepared to rejoin the Dark Lord and swear his allegiance to him; he was prepared to endure the torture he knew he would suffer; he was prepared to deceive the most accomplished Legilimens in the world; and most of all, he was prepared to die. Severus didn't want his life to end this night, but he knew the only thing that would keep him alive was his skill at shutting down his memories and feelings in order to hide the lies he was about to tell.

The Dark Mark on his left forearm had been growing stronger for months. Snape had known it was inevitable that he'd be summoned to his former life – to his former master. He'd had plenty of time to think about what he had to do – to plan his next move. Even without his mission for Dumbledore, staying away from the Dark Lord had never been an option. Snape had started down this path the moment he'd joined the Death Eaters as a very young man. To not return meant certain death. To return late, as he was, would incur the Dark Lord's wrath, and quite probably would get him killed anyway.

During the walk to the front gates of Hogwarts where he could Disapparate, Severus thought about Lily. He pictured her in the playground where he'd first talked to her and two years later on their first ride on the Hogwarts Express. And even though long before the end of their seventh year he'd lost her friendship, he remembered the young woman she had become. Occasionally Severus wondered if Lily might have grown to love him if he hadn't embraced the Dark Arts.

Snape shook his head. It was foolish, even dangerous to indulge in these memories. To be effective at Occlumency one had to empty oneself of all emotion. After a few steps, Severus paused and closed his eyes. If this was to be his last moments of life he wanted to see Lily's face – he wanted to see her beautiful green eyes.

It had already been two hours since his Dark Mark had burned black. His tardiness was not going to be easily forgiven but a few minutes more would make no difference. Severus gazed up at the castle he'd first seen not quite twenty-four years earlier. It was late; however due to the events of this evening most windows still sparkled with light. The towers and turrets of the magnificent building glowed under the cloudless star-filled sky. A reflection of the quarter-moon glistened on the smooth surface of the lake. Some of the happiest years he'd ever had had been here in the halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

"Stop it," Severus muttered to himself, "you're acting like a ridiculous, weak, sentimental Gryffindor. Only a fool wallows in memories and can't control his emotions." As he continued down the path and through the gates he wondered if he had become soft during the almost fourteen years since he'd last faced the Dark Lord – since he'd last lived a double life. If he was going to survive, not just the night but the months or years to come, he had to put aside all feelings and thoughts of lost love and embrace the hatred, racism, and vengeance valued by Lord Voldemort.

Snape visualized Sirius Black, James Potter and with a sneer of disgust, Harry Potter. He focused on his four years of dealing with the arrogant, rule-breaking, attention-seeking, impertinent, lying, lazy, mediocre, nasty little boy and felt blind irrational fury. He didn't regret his treatment of Potter at all. The boy was the living proof that Lily – his Lily – had given her body to another man.

His hatred and bitterness towards Black, Potter and Potter gave Severus the strength he needed for the reunion with and ongoing service to the Dark Lord. He knew his enjoyment of the cruelty and vindictiveness he heaped upon the Potter boy and the other Gryffindors pushed him deeper towards the Dark Side. He also knew it was what fueled the rage that might keep him alive tonight.

He pulled the silver mask from inside his robes, placed it over his face and drew the hood of his cloak up over his head. He calmed himself, slowed his breathing and emptied his mind. Unbidden Snape heard the droning voice of his Apparation instructor echo from the past. 'Step one: fix your mind firmly upon your desired destination'. To Apparate after the burn of the Dark Mark, one's destination was the Dark Lord though Severus didn't really consider it something he desired. He turned on the spot and Disapparated.

Gravel crunched under his feet as he appeared in the middle of a wide lane. In the distance at the bottom of the hill he saw an overgrown graveyard with the outline of a church barely visible near some trees. The Dark Lord's magical call was not coming from down there; it came from inside the fine old house at the end of the lane. Severus placed his wand inside his robes and began walking.

As he approached the old manor house he noted signs of disuse and neglect; yet overall, it was in good shape. Some of the windows had been boarded, tiles were missing from the roof and ivy grew wildly over most of its walls. Faint candlelight glowed through the large, tall windows on either side of the doorway. When Snape placed his foot upon the first step the large oak door swung inward on quiet hinges.

Six black robed, masked and hooded figures, three on each side of the hall, held wands pointed at his chest. Snape extended both arms above his head; empty hands up with palms towards the others and let the sleeves of his robes fall to reveal the Dark Mark. Slowly, using his right hand, he pushed back his hood and mask. The Death Eater in front motioned silently with his wand and Severus entered the house.

Severus wondered which of the Dark Lord's followers were flanking him as he was guided down the hall towards stairs. Were these the only six who'd responded to the summons, or had some already been dismissed? Quite a number of the Death Eaters were in Azkaban but if so few of those who'd remained free had answered the call maybe it would be easier to defeat the Dark Lord. Selfishly, Snape also thought that if so few had come, perhaps the Dark Lord would be more tolerant of Snape's own tardiness.

The two figures in front of Severus where short and plump as was the one on his right. This would be the two Carrows and someone he couldn't place. The tall man in the back who'd gestured him inside was likely Lucius Malfoy from the way he carried himself, always the arrogant aristocrat. Potter had named Lucius as being present at the Dark Lord's rebirthing. The other two could be any number of his Slytherin housemates, or perhaps even some of the older Death Eaters.

At the top of the stone staircase, Snape was directed into a windowless room to the right where a large fire burned in the grate. A once magnificent gilded mirror, now dim and streaked with age hung over the mantel. A chandelier was suspended from the high ceiling with low burning black candles in holders shaped like open-mouthed snake heads upturned around its edge. Their tails entwined each other in the center where the fixture was attached to the ceiling. The dark-colored paper on the walls was dingy with years of neglect and dust was visible around the edge of the room. This shabbiness contrasted sharply with the polished black sheen of the stone floor in the middle of the room where the only furnishing was located.

A large armchair sat in the fire glow, the white hairless head of Lord Voldemort visible over its top. Nagini, all twelve feet of her, uncurled herself from his lap and slid to the floor, hissing loudly. As Snape's escort directed him to stand between the fireplace and the Dark Lord, Nagini undulated quickly to place herself between her master and this interloper. She raised her head and continued to hiss, flick her tongue and spit – plainly irritated.

"Now, now, my sweet," said the high, cold voice of Lord Voldemort, "is that any way to greet an old friend?" The bright red eyes with the narrow slits for pupils met the black ones and a mirthless sneer curled his thin lips.

It was hard for Snape to stay focused on the Dark Lord with the snake curling at his feet, quickly encircling his legs. He managed to avoid her as he fell to his knees and bowed his head.

"My Lord," Severus kissed the hem of Voldemort's robes. "Master, I'm very pleased that you have returned." Keeping his head down Severus echoed the words he had spoken during his initiation as a Death Eater so many years ago. "If my sacrifice will hasten your rise to power, then I freely give my life to you. Do with me what you will." He knew better than to try to explain why he was late until asked.

Lord Voldemort spoke to Nagini in Parseltongue. She stopped hissing and slithered away to coil on the hearthrug. From his position looking at the floor Severus could see the snake still eying him like dinner.

He heard Voldemort rise from the chair and in the next instant his legs were pulled straight backwards and his upper body was pulled forward. His arms were sprawled at an odd angle and his nose hit the cold stone with a thud. As he lay prostrate at the feet of the Dark Lord Snape realized he hadn't been bound by a curse, but he dared not move into a more comfortable position. He heard the others in the room assemble themselves in two lines on either side of his body.

"You think you can come back to me two hours late, and be accepted?" Lord Voldemort shouted shrilly. "Avada Ke…No."

Snape heard a gasp from a Death Eaters to his left, and a squeak from one on his right. There was a rustle of robes as if someone grasped the arm of his neighbor or drew his hand to his mouth to stifle an exclamation. Severus knew they were not surprised that the Dark Lord was about to use the Killing Curse on him; they were shocked that he hadn't. He hardly dared to breathe at this reprieve. Maybe he would be able to give his well-rehearsed excuses. In the next instant his head was jerked back as if by an invisible hand so that he was staring directly at Voldemort.

"When you didn't respond to my summons, I believed you had left me forever." He turned to the tall man on his immediate right. "What did I say I was going to do to him, Lucius?"

"My Lord," he pushed back his mask, knelt down next to Snape's face and smiled delightedly. "You said you were going to kill him."

The cruelty and glee in Malfoy's voice as he said 'kill' annoyed Severus. He expected to be taunted and mistreated by the Dark Lord, but to have it directed at him by his supposed allies made him want to curse the grin off the blonde's pointed face.

"Yes, yes I did." Looking at the man next to Lucius, Voldemort asked, "Can you tell me why I haven't yet exterminated him?"

Glancing at the body at his feet the man shuddered slightly. "Master, because you require thirteen years of repayment before we can rejoin you."

Voldemort threw back his head and laughed with a cold, cruel cackle. "Indeed I do, Avery." Releasing the hold on Snape's head he cast, "Crucio!"

Despite the fact that the curse was expected, an involuntary scream escaped as Severus writhed with the pain of the torture. Mercifully, it lasted only about a minute before Lord Voldemort commanded, "Stand!"

As Snape struggled to make unwilling arms work to push himself to his feet, the Dark Lord continued, "Did the Potter boy return to Hogwarts?"

Swaying on legs that didn't want to support him, he bowed his head and replied softly, "Yes, my Lord."

The Dark Lord hissed. He clutched his hands into fists and screamed. Reacting to her master's anger, Nagini hissed and spat but stayed in her place on the rug.

Through downturned eyes, Severus saw Lord Voldemort raise his wand just before his left ear was struck as if hit by a bludger. The force of the curse caused his head to jerk to the right. He took a deep breath and bowed his head again.

"He survives?" Voldemort's inquired shrilly.

"Yes, my Lord." This time he was ready when he was struck and his head jerked to the left. With quiet resolve, he looked down again and waited for the next blow.

"Did you keep him from talking?" Voldemort was shrieking now, "Did you try to kill him?"

"No, Master," Snape said with as much feigned reverence as he could muster. "Crouch took him away while I was detained by Dumbledore."

The blow landed on his nose so hard that his head snapped back. Even though he heard his neck crack, nothing seemed to be broken. He put his head down again with the realization that all the Dark Lord's frustration with the loss of the boy was to be taken out on him. It was yet another reason to hate the obnoxious child.

"Why hasn't Crouch returned to me?" The Dark Lord moved to stand behind Snape.

He couldn't see it – however knowing the man well – Severus envisioned his tormentor twirling his wand as he contemplated where to attack next. From his posture of submission Snape explained. "He tried to eliminate Potter as soon as the boy arrived. He…"

"Good!" exclaimed The Dark Lord as he quickly walked around to face Snape again. Slatted red eyes narrowing even further than normal, he frowned, "Tried! You said tried?"

"Yes, my Lord. He was discovered by Dumbledore and…" Knowing it would be unwise to disclose his direct involvement, Snape paused slightly, "…and some of the staff. They stopped Crouch and saved Potter."

"So Crouch has been detained," Voldemort spun to his right. "We must retrieve him immediately. Lucius…"

As much as he dreaded the consequences, Snape knew he must tell everything. For the first time since his torture had started he met the Dark Lord's eyes. "The dementors were called." He watched the stricken expression appear on the reptilian face as realization set in. "He has been kissed," Snape finished quietly.

"NO!" shrieked Voldemort.

When he wasn't immediately hit, Snape wondered if he would be spared punishment for this failure.

"Dumbledore!" Spittle escaped the Dark Lord's lips and landed on Snape's cheek. "How could he destroy my most loyal servant?"

The impact of the curse hitting him in the center of his chest took Snape's breath away. He struggled to pant out, "No…, Master. No…, it was…Fudge."

"That idiot, he'll pay for his insolence," Voldemort spat as he slashed his wand through the air casting one last non-verbal spell on Snape.

Perhaps the Dark Lord's anger was finally spent, or perhaps Snape was becoming used to the abuse because the blow to his stomach didn't seem to hurt nearly as much as he thought it would.

Everyone in the room shifted uneasily; they remained silent as Lord Voldemort sank into his chair with his head in his hands. Severus took the time to clear his mind, center his thoughts, and prepare for whatever was going to happen next. He didn't have long to wait.

The Dark Lord again stood in front of Snape. "There must be consequences for your late arrival. Take off your cloak and the mask of a loyal Death Eater. We must see if you're still worthy of being one of us." While waiting for Snape to comply, Voldemort's expression changed into a twisted smile as he looked at each of his servants. "I think we need some entertainment. The Potter boy escaped; my most loyal servant destroyed. I need blood! I need revenge! It's too bad most of my Death Eaters have gone. They would all have enjoyed having some fun."

This was useful information as it meant this handful wasn't all that had returned. It was, however, bad news for Severus since the Dark Lord no longer had a large group to torture. He only had one on which to focus all his anger.

Snape had just dropped the clothing on the floor behind himself when the man on Avery's right called out Flagrate. Severus recognized the voice of Macnair in the instant before the fiery cuts began to burn through the back of his robes and sear into his skin. He bit down on his tongue and looked at the Dark Lord. They were going to try to distract him with pain while Lord Voldemort used Legilimency to determine his loyalty.

The man across from Macnair made a noise that sounded like a stifled laugh. "Coward. Yes, yes. Brand him as a coward too afraid to come when called."

Realizing that the marks on his back were being drawn into words – into a brand of the thing he knew he wasn't – Severus had to stop himself from shouting. He was spared the need when another spoke.

Not releasing his gaze the Dark Lord said quietly, "No, Wormtail. Severus might be a lot of things but he's never been a coward – unlike you." With a wave of the Dark Lord's wand, the marks were gone from Snape's back. Wormtail yelped immediately after his mask hit the floor. Snape didn't dare move, but from the laughter of the others, it seemed the brand had been transferred to the other man. Lord Voldemort smirked, "Try again, Macnair."

Severus puzzled about which Death Eater was nicknamed Wormtail. It wasn't a name he recognized. His contemplation was interrupted as Macnair lifted his wand and Severus felt cuts begin to blister his skin again.

Avery raised his wand, sneered at the man in front of him and cast "Furnunculus."

Severus felt the pulling of his skin as boils erupted on his face, hands, and under his clothes. The pustules filled rapidly all over his body and the touch of his robes against them caused each to ache.

"You dare to defy our master by not coming when you were called," Avery shouted.

"I was delayed by that fool Dumbledore," Severus snapped.

At the mention of the name of his nemesis, the Dark Lord again hit him with "Crucio!"

His body convulsed with the pain but this time he managed to not cry out. Severus tried to stay on his feet; failing, he collapsed face down as the Dark Lord released the curse. Gasping for breath and unable to stand, he felt Nagini slither up onto his legs, then his back, and then she began to coil herself around his head. She brought her tail up and doubled it into the center of his back. The weight of the snake compressed his lungs making it even harder to get air. Just as he thought he would suffocate, relief came from an unexpected source.

Wormtail shouted "Levicorpus," and Snape was immediately turned upside down hanging by one foot near the top of the twelve-foot ceiling. His robes should have been falling down around his head except that someone had cast a levitation charm that kept them in place so they could all see his face floating at about their eye level. Rotating as he was being held aloft, Snape was surprised when he saw that Wormtail was Peter Pettigrew. Being hung like this was almost worse than the Cruciatus Curse. He was being incapacitated by his own spell as he had been at Hogwarts and it was being done by one of the four who had taunted him as a student. On the bright side, at least the snake had been thrown off.

He rotated slowly and while most were masked and hooded, Severus had figured out which Death Eaters were here to torment him. He couldn't really blame them. He knew if they didn't do the Dark Lord's bidding, they would be tortured or killed. In a different situation, it would have been him casting the curses.

Amycus Carrow whispered something to his sister then cast "Rictusempra". Snape almost smiled. He wasn't ticklish, so this curse, at least, wasn't going to be a bother. He had to wonder if Amycus knew this.

Alecto Carrow next joined the fun by casting a stinging jinx. It felt like a thousand bees were attacking all at once and he could not stop the twitching of his body as it reacted instinctively.

The boils finally could no longer expand and they burst. The sticky fluid began to run under his clothes down his legs, arms, back and chest. As Snape twisted around slowly, Macnair continued to use Flagrate carving who knew what into all parts of his body. Some of the cuts hit his face. The blood mixed with the pus from the boils and it oozed into his eyes and they began to sting. The only good thing about all this was that the Dark Lord couldn't keep his gaze locked to use Legilimency.

As if thinking the same thing, Lord Voldemort cast "Liberacorpus". Snape fell head first onto the stone floor with a loud crash. "Can you give me a reason why I shouldn't kill you now?"

Severus felt his right wrist and upper arm snap as he landed on the limb and it crumpled under his body. Sharp pain stabbed through the arm and stars burst behind his eyelids. His head ached where it had hit the floor. Several seconds passed before he could breathe. When he was finally able to draw air into his lungs he took several deep, shuddering breaths and fought to stay conscious.

"So you have nothing to say for yourself?" Voldemort demanded as he raised his wand.

Snape rolled onto his back clutching his right arm against his chest. His fingers throbbed with each beat of his heart; daggers of pain radiated throughout his whole upper right side. Ignoring his agony Severus fought to speak. He'd finally been given his chance to explain and if he had any hope of survival, he had to do it now. With the Dark Lord, those opportunities didn't happen twice.

From his undignified position on the floor, Snape gazed directly into Voldemort's face and panted, "My Lord…it is your…right to…kill me…if that…best serves…your purpose….I waited…to answer your…summons until Dum…the foolish old…man sent me…to you." Seeing Lord Voldemort flick his wand, Snape continued as quickly as he could, "By keeping…the head…master's trust I can…better serve…you. I'll…"

"Likely story," Lucius sneered. "You've been Dumbledore's lap dog for years. He kept you out of Azkaban by announcing to the whole Wizengamot that you were his spy!"

Knowing that any attempt to stand would meet with failure, Snape strained to wriggle and push himself into a sitting position. After closing his eyes for a few seconds when a spasm coursed through his entire body, Severus again locked his gaze on the Dark Lord even as he spoke to his fellow Death Eater. "I'll have you know…, Lucius, I…took up my post at Hogwarts…as 'Dumbledore's spy'…because our Master…told me to do so. If I…had really changed…sides, I would have run like Karkaroff. I would not…have returned to let the Dark Lord take his…pleasure with me."

It was becoming easier to speak as he sat unmoving despite the waves of dizziness that caused Severus to sway unsteadily. He closed his eyes and took several deep calming breaths before meeting Voldemort's eyes again. "My mind is fully open to our Lord. I have nothing to hide. Can you say the same?"

"It's not my allegiance that is in question," Lucius spat.

With a rush of adrenaline Severus shoved himself to his feet. "If you think I'm a lap dog because I followed orders," he shouted directly into the blonde's face, "and have continued to do so all these years, I have to…" As another surge of pain overtook him, Snape's words were choked off. When the tremors passed he snarled, "I have to question your loyalties. You avoided," he curled his lip in derision, "…consequences by claiming that you'd never been a true follower of our Lord but that you became a Death Eater only because you were under the Imperius curse. Who is the loyal…" He never got to finish.

Simultaneously as the Dark Lord cast "Crucio", Lucius glared at Snape and cast "Sectumsempra". As bad luck would have it, a split second later Wormtail cast "Tarantallegra". Unable to stop the inevitable Severus fell to the stone floor on his right side further mangling his broken arm. The dancing curse made his legs jerk and spasm uncontrollably and Snape ended up flat on his back. The Cruciatus Curse alone was agony; now it caused every boil, sting, cut, muscle and nerve ending in his already abused body to explode with pain. His bones felt like they were on fire. No longer able to control himself, Severus shrieked.

As Snape thrashed on the floor he saw Lucius madly slashing the air with his wand. The first gash tore open Snape's chest from navel to breast. The brother and sister Death Eaters began working together. Amycus levitated Snape about a foot high then Alecto rotated his body, before Amycus dropped him onto the floor. Lucius ripped open Snape's back diagonally from shoulder to waist, then from waist to the other shoulder. Once again flipped, Lucius lacerated Snape's stomach and lower abdomen first left to right, then right to left. Face-down again, three cuts sliced across the back of his legs. After another rotation Lucius slit the front of Snape's thighs and blood spurted from the severed femoral artery.

It was clear that Lucius was going out of his way to be vicious. Severus tasted blood in his mouth as a gash opened across his nose and his cheek was flayed to the bone. His robes were shredded and soaked in blood. The pain had become so intense that he could no longer distinguish when a new cut appeared. With every jerk of his body, his broken arm flailed against the stone floor. His throat was raw as his screams echoed throughout the room.

Severus knew he was going to die. Better than anyone he understood the seriousness of the Sectumsempra Curse. He had angered Lucius by taunting him. He had angered the Dark Lord by revealing his tactics, and now Severus was going to pay for it. The worst thing was that he'd let his emotions get the better of him and now he would fail in his most important mission – his mission to save that irritating insufferable mediocre boy…for Lily. As he lost consciousness, he peered into the red slits in the Dark Lord's face, but it was Lily's beautiful green eyes that he saw in his mind.