CHAPTER ONE

Okay kiddos first order of business, I want you all to know that this is all a huge joke I'm doing this purely for kicks and giggles, I think there's nothing at all serious about fanfic of any kind, I have no respect for it, but boy oh boy do I get a
kick outta it.

Okay time for a little backstory, cause otherwise nya'll won't have any idea what's going on. So let's say Tom is some cop that's been chasing after some criminal for a while now, but he just can't seem to catch him, sound familiar, heck yeah it does.
And do you wanna guess who the criminal is ? You do ? Well who is it ? Jerry ? Ding Ding MCFUCKIN DING! But yeah, Toms the cop Jerry's a criminal toms obsessed with catching Jerry yada yada yada . Honestly in a ( what are we gonna call this, a human
AU,yeah that works ) "human AU" personality wise Jerry would probably be more likely to be he cop and Tom the criminal but like all roads I can see in that scenario lead to rape so like morals and such. Lol morals, what morals, in all seriousness
I have none but like the bullshit I've got planed is gonna be fun, we're gonna have fun so humor me so I can humor you.

Toms POV or whatever.

The bar is empty but Tom doesn't want to leave. Partly because he thought it might be fun to drink himself to death so he could finally forget his current obsession, his constant obsession. But mostly because he is too drunk to drive home and he has enough
DUIs to rival that of most career alcoholics. He is surprised he hasn't been fired because of it, it does help to have friends in high places. Tom is yanked back to reality as the bartender says something along the lines of "Hey buddy, it's time to
go home."

Tom grumbles and staggers out of the bar and around back to where he parked his car, maybe he'd just sleep in it, yeah, that seems like the logical thing to do.

He stumbles towards his car but in his drunken state he trips over his own feet. He braces himself for the sting of gravel beneath him but to his surprise someone catches him. He looks up and scowls. It's an ugly scowl, his brow is furrowed and his
mouth half open. He looks more confused that anything or like he's trying very hard to see something.

"You," he growls menacingly, though it comes off as slurred and far from menacing.

"Me," says the young man in a singsongy voice. He looks maybe nineteen or twenty, average height and fit but not too fit. His hair is short and sticks up a bit, it's a chocolaty brown and so are his eyes. His skin is a warm walnut color and his face
has freckles strewn carelessly across it. Tom can't, with certainty, pin down his ethnicity, Hispanic maybe. Doesn't matter, the bottom line is he's attractive.

"Hope you didn't plan on driving home like this," the young man smiles.

"No," Tom scoffs drunkenly, "I was gonna sleep in my car."

The young man crows with laughter, it's obvious he doesn't see the genius behind the idea, no, he finds it pitiful.

Once he finishes laughing at Tom, the young man helps him to the passenger side of his car and then gets into the driver's seat. He puts his hand out and asks for the keys.

Tom rummages through his pockets for a second and finds them, then he pauses.

"Why should I trust you? Aren't you like my arch nemesis?" Tom asks making the same confused angry face he had made earlier.

"Because," the young man says snatching the keys out of Toms hand, "I'm you designated driver."

Tom opens his mouth to protest but the young man holds up a hand to sush him as he puts the key in the ignition and turns on the car. He flips through the stations until he finds a song he likes and then he pulls out of the parking lot. After sitting
in silence for a minute Tom realizes he's got no idea where the young man is taking me.

"Hey fucker-," he starts but the young man cuts him off.

"My names Jerry, I can't believe you haven't figured that out yet, you are a bit obsessed with me," Jerry says glancing over at Tom.

"You're an elusive little rat, it's not easy to find you," Tom grumbles.

Jerry laughs, "you're right, you're not gonna find me if I don't want to be found."

"Well then, Jerry," Tom says putting every possible ounce of distain into the word, annoyed that Jerry had cut him off, "where are you taking me?"

"Home of course."

"You don't know where I live."

"Yes I do."

"Oh," Tom scowls at him, it was so annoying that this man knew so much about him and he hadn't even been able to figure out his name. Nothing more is said between the two until they reached Tom's house.

Jerry walks him across the lawn and as they are climbing the stairs the sarcastic voice of Tom's neighbor carries over the fence,

"Drunk again, and at this hour?" Sneers the pale black haired neighbor.

"Hey, how bout you mind your own business you fucking vampire," Tom yells drunkenly at his neighbor. Jerry continues to lead Tom up the stairs ignoring this, altercation.

Jerry uses Tom's keys to unlock the door and they step inside. Tom's house is dark and old with hardwood floors and door frames and such. It is getting to be a bit cluttered and things are starting to gather dust. The front room contains an old sagging
armchair and a ragged maroon rug; there is a bookcase on the left wall and a scattered pile of shoes beside the door. Tom kicks off his shoes at the door and tells Jerry to do the same.

Tom staggers down the hallway to the living room with the intention of collapsing on the couch but before he can do so Jerry suggests,

"Why don't you lie down on your bed instead of on the couch. You'll just fall asleep anyways you might as well be falling asleep in the correct place."

Tom grunts reluctantly but obliges.

He throws himself onto the bed and stares up at the ceiling fan. He feels Jerry pulling off his socks, why is he taking care of Tom like a friend might?

"Why are you doing this?" Tom asks.

"Doing what?" Jerry replies.

"All this, driving me home, putting me to bed, ignoring my neighbor so I don't have to," Tom says. Jerry chuckles softly then says,

"Frankly this it fun for me, it's quite entertaining for me to mess with you while you're too incapacitated to incarcerate me."

Tom grunts, confused and then he feels Jerry climbing onto the bed with him and before he can say anything the young man is hovering over him, unbuttoning his shirt for him.

"You're very attractive," smiles Jerry. Tom looks puzzled, he didn't see anything that attractive about a graying man in his late thirties, who could do to work out a bit more and who hasn't shaved properly in a few days.

"I," Tom pauses, "I wouldn't say that."

"Sure, but I would," says Jerry, smiling a little. Tom opens his mouth to speak but is interrupted by Jerry's lips on his.

Shocked, Tom pushes him away, "w-what are you doing," Tom stammers.

"Having some fun," says Jerry seductively, "and boy is it fun to see a grown man blush like you just did."

Tom opens his mouth to protest but is interrupted, this time by Jerry's tongue exploring his mouth. Tom is again is shocked but his better judgment is clouded by alcohol.

Hesitantly, Tom begins to feel around the inside of Jerry's mouth with his tongue, cautiously, raises a hand to touch Jerry's face.

They break apart gasping for breath; Jerry sits up and takes off his own t-shirt. The young man is remarkable sexy for a guy, slim and soft, like a women but not.

Jerry bends back down to kiss him again. The kiss doesn't last as long as Tom would have liked, Jerry breaks away and Tom makes a small sound of protest.

"Oh," says Jerry raising an eyebrow, "You're enjoying yourself, hmm? I didn't think you were gay, detective," Jerry says the last word slowly lingering on each sailable and staring Tom straight in the eye.

"You don't gotta put labels on everything," Tom slurs, "gay straight, I don't really care, I'm getting laid."

Jerry chuckles and then, still staring Tom directly in the eye, and then leans to kiss Tom's bare chest and then lightly brushes Toms skin with his lips as he moves his head down to Tom's crotch. Jerry pauses a moment still looking up at Tom who looks
moderately stupefied.

"Thought you said you where okay with this," Jerry purrs.

Well how could I not be, Tom thought, I have such a pretty boy between my legs?

"Aw, you think I'm pretty," Jerry laughs lightly but sarcastically

Shit, he said that allowed.

Jerry finally breaks his gaze and focuses on unbuckling Tom's belt and unzipping his pants.

(Lololololo I have to write about dicks now hahaha ah man let's see how this goes down )

"You're hard," Jerry coos. Tom blushes. Jerry pulls back Toms underwear and takes Tom in his mouth. Tom grips the bed sheet, Jerry's mouth is warm, he's really good at this. Tom has to resist the urge to grab jerry's head and really give it to him, see
the little rat choking on Tom's dick, crying maybe. He bites his lip, God, that would be hot.

Jerry moans, and Tom looks back down at the young man blowing him, interest peaked. Jerry has two fingers slipped inside himself. He moves them slowly in and out gasping quietly with every thrust.

Tom tries to say something witty and slightly degrading to get him back for the sarcastic comment he made earlier but his words come out more of an affectionate growl. Jerry glances up at him and then takes his mouth off of Tom. He smiles but not
as he had earlier, earlier he smiled confidently, like he knew he was in control. No, he smiles like he's desperate but embarrassed, like an I-don't-want-to-say-it-out-loud-but-please-fuck-me kind of smile.

Tom reaches down and touches side of Jerry's face with his thumb, "why'd you stop?" Tom whispers.

"Because," Jerry replies quietly, "I'm about to do this." Jerry sits up and reassumes the position he was in when he was kissing Tom. Tom leans forward and kisses Jerry again, his lips are soft. Jerry breaks away, once again quicker than Tom would
have liked, Tom whines in protest. Jerry ignores him and proceeds to slowly insert Tom's dick inside himself. He shudders and suppresses a gasp. Tom rests his hands on Jerry's hips.

"You feel so good inside me detective," Jerry gasps softly.

"Move your hips and you'll feel even better," Tom whispers brushing Jerry's ear with his lips as he spoke.

"Mmm," Jerry makes a sound implying that he is pleased with what he's hearing and obliges.

Jerry moves his hips and moans. He clings to Tom and Tom kisses his neck.

"Ah, detective," says Jerry shakily, "I think yours is the biggest I've ever had inside me, ah, it feels really good."

Tom squeezes Jerry's hips and helps him move up and down a little faster now. Jerry cries out and digs his nails into Tom's back. In response Tom reaches one hand up to play with Jerry's nipples. Jerry moans something along the lines of, "ah, oh man!"
And then bites down on Tom's shoulder to silence himself. It doesn't Hurt that much, tom had suffered far worse in the line of duty, but still in retaliation he speeds up. Jerry yells, the sound muffled by Tom's shoulder and Tom grins a little. The
little brat finally wasn't in control. Tom had him in a position where if he told him to, he'd get down on his knees and beg. Jerry was completely incapacitated and Tom was so getting off on it. Wait, Jerry had said something earlier, something like
'you're too incapacitated to incarcerate me." Tom thinks about it for a second, Jerry is the incapacitated one now.

Tom glances at the young man clinging to him, his eyes are closed tight and gasping and moaning with every breath. Perfect.

Tom reached behind him for the handcuffs he keeps under his pillow, why did he keep them under the pillow? Because is safer than keeping a loaded gun under your pillow and Tom was paranoid but not gun under the pillow paranoid.

Tom slowly pulls them out from under his pillow he takes his other hand off of Jerry's hip and stops thrusting into Him. Jerry makes a sound of annoyance and protest. He opens his eyes then his mouth to complain but before he can say a word Tom quickly
slaps the cuffs on his wrists and tightening them so Jerry can't slip out of them.

"Gotcha," smiles Tom.

Jerry just looks at him perplexed, not sure if the sex just got 50 % kinkier of if he was under arrest.

"Am I..." Jerry starts.

"Jerry McFuckface," Tom slurs drunkenly, Jerry laughs a little, "You are under arrest for seven counts of larceny, one count of grand theft auto and for the murders of Amelia Bennet, Oliver Keen, Jeremy L. Livingston, and three other people whose
names I can't remember at this very moment but will remember as soon as I'm not so drunk, you have the right to remain silent, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law, blah blah blah, point is I finally caught you."
/Tom grins triumphantly at the young man who he was quite literally "balls deep" in.

(That line 'quite literally' makes me crave death)

And that was it, Tom had done it, no longer did he have a reason to continue murdering his liver. He caught his criminal, the tireless game of cat and mouse was finally over.

Hooray! Tom did it, he caught Jerry, aren't you proud of him? You're not? What, you want him to finish banging Jerry? You do?! Well then do you know what you have to do? Beg. I want you to beg for it. Beg, grovel, kiss my shoes. There's a comment section
on this god forsaken site use it to your advantage. I've got the next part just sitting here simply crying out in pure ecstasy, "oh please I can't take it anymore, read me! Read me hard and fast! Oh just the thought of you reading me makes me wanna-"
So yeah you get the gist, all ya gotta do is ask and ye shall receive. Humor me so I can humor you. (Yes I know I already said that but it fits in this context too, uhg let me live.)

But seriously I will not upload the next chapter unless someone asks for it.