Penny Wise and Pound Foolish Chapter 12: When the Levee Breaks, a suicide squad fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own any characters from the DC Universe nor any recognizable storylines from Suicide Squad. I only own my character(s) and the plot of this story. This is rated T for language, possible gore and violence, and mature scenes.

WARNINGS FOR THIS CHAPTER: Slight gore and adult content. Nothing too graphic I don't think? But still. Just in case.

12. WHEN THE LEVEE BREAKS

There was a flash of silver and blue. She felt something cold but smooth cover her mouth and she looked down, spotting a pale hand with a smiling red mouth and wild teeth painted onto the back plastered over the bottom half of her face. With the position, it looked like the smirking mouth belonged to her and her eyes widened. She looked back up and immediately met the familiar blue eyes crinkled at the sides from his laughter. Silver teeth stung her eyes and he leaned in close, pressing his lips against the back of his hand that held her mouth shut, their noses touching. His manic laughter rang in her ears before she felt something sharp pierce her stomach and she jolted—

—upright in bed with a gasp, hands immediately flying to her stomach to pressurize the wound and block the flow of blood. Her hands twisted in her t-shirt, feeling nothing but fabric and she panted as her shoulders slumped. Perspiration coated her forehead, dripping down her temples and making the skin feel itchy. She ran her fingers through her hair tiredly, the only sound in the room being the quick gasps through her lips and the thrum of her own heart pulsating in her ears.

The hairs on the back of her neck were standing on end and, still feeling a bit wired from the dream, her spine stiffened and she glanced up into the darkness. Where she expected to see nothing but black, she could've sworn she spotted a silhouette in her doorway and with a shriek she leapt across her bed to her nightstand and turned her lamp on.

When she whipped her head back around, she saw nothing but air. Her heart felt painful as it hammered behind her ribcage and her eyes fell shut. She buried her head in her hands, waiting for the fog to clear in her head from the nightmare.

This had been happening the past few nights. She woke up consistently, usually two to three times a night between the hours of midnight and four, all with the same vivid dream. Sometimes it was shorter than the one she just had—just a flash of silver teeth and blue eyes before her eyes flew open. Other times it was longer. It went so far once that she saw her own entrails spilling out onto the floor, a shocking emptiness filling her gut that was no longer there, before she was sobbing awake with an unpleasant churn in her stomach. Occasionally she'd hear the whip of a helicopter rudder in the distance and sometimes she'd even wake up with the scent of fire in her nose and the taste of burning oil on her tongue.

After the first night it happened she tried taking Nyquil before bed in hopes it'd help her sleep. It succeeded, only it made her dreams more detailed and she woke the next morning feeling like she hadn't slept at all. She didn't take it again but she did try natural herbs like St. John's Wort. According to the bottle the pills came in, it was supposed to ease anxiety and help you relax. The first night she was on it,it seemed to help as she only got the flash of silver and blue in her dream, but the following night the dream continued on as gory and terrifying as ever. She had a feeling that first night on the herb was just a placebo effect; she'd convinced herself enough that it'd work so it did. Unfortunately her brain wasn't getting tricked into it a second time, so she had to take herself off of it too.

Penny's mind felt stretched like a rubber band being spread beyond its elasticity. Her eyes were sore from losing so much sleep and upon checking the clock, she realized she still had an hour before she needed to get up for work. She fell back against her pillows in an exhausted heap, staring up at the ceiling with burning eyes.

She'd hoped that coming back would make everything better. She thought that once she was back inside her bubble everything would go back to normal. It was anything but. The past week alone had been one of the worst of her life and it wasn't just because of the nightmares.

When she first got to her apartment she realized she no longer had the key to it so she had to contact the building manager to request a new one. She spent three hours waiting outside her door for it to arrive. During that time she also realized that since her apartment key was missing so would the key to her car, so she had to hunt down the dealership she bought it from years ago via one of the communal computers in her apartment building's rec room in hopes they could point her in the right direction of where to order a new one. She had to call using one of their payphones (she couldn't believe payphones were still around—how outdated was her building?) and she had to borrow change for the payphone from one of the front office staff.

She had to cancel and re-order all of her credit and debit cards and she was still waiting for a new license to come in the mail which meant she couldn't drive. She wasn't going to be able to buy a new cell phone until her credit cards came in because she would have to order one online. Her rent and electricity was late and she didn't have the money to pay for them because she wasn't around to pick up her paycheck from work. By that time it was too late to pick it up which meant it was somewhere in the mail and probably wouldn't reach her for another day or two which meant she'd be charged late fees. The food in her fridge was spoiled so she had to toss everything, leaving her with nothing but a can of peanuts, bottled water and some stale fruit loops.

She wondered if this was what people who were coming out of hiding felt like. You know, those people who were on the run for years and kept their identity hidden until their name was out of the heat. The movies always showed what it was like to go off the grid but they never showed what it was like to get yourself back on the grid. During those almost-two days she was gone it felt like she hadn't even existed. She was pulled out of reality and thrown into a chaos that made her forget what things like paying her rent and buying food felt like. And she'd only been gone 36 hours.

Work was becoming a chore too. Not only did she have to walk to work every day, her boss threw a fit because she didn't show up the day after she left early and apparently when he tried calling her, her phone went straight to voicemail. She knew it was because her phone had been blown to bits in a chopper crash but he certainly didn't know that. The only way she was able to talk him out of putting her on probation was because she used the excuse that a family member had died unsuspectingly. She liked to think her excuse was solid considering she'd seen plenty of death the past few days. Thankfully he didn't bother to ask who but he took the bait, probably because his mother-in-law had recently passed away so he was feeling sympathetic.

What really annoyed her were her co-workers, though. Ever since returning to work they were giving her odd looks in passing like she'd suddenly sprouted a second head. She liked to think it was because they found out about her family member "dying" and were worried about her but she wasn't sure that was the entire reason. Even Mark seemed to be avoiding her. Or, as well as he could manage, anyway. He still had the habit of showing up out of the blue with his incessant babbling.

Penny was sitting at her desk that Friday trying her best to focus on her work. Being there was an all too fresh reminder of what happened to Dr. Van Chris and even through her haze she still felt the guilt of his death weighing heavy on her conscience. The company had yet to make an official statement regarding his death but she heard word spreading of a missing person's case and the shoot-up of his lab was all over the news. Even the chopper crash in Illinois had made it to Gotham City's morning news report. She figured they hadn't identified his remains in the debris yet since the evidence now belonged to homeland security. She'd give them until next week.

As she clicked absently on a few tabs in her program, a shadow appeared over her monitor and she jolted hard in her seat.

"Whoa, hey," Mark chuckled weakly, holding his hands up in surrender. "It's just me."

That was another thing. She was incredibly jumpy lately to the point of a trembling Chihuahua whenever something took her by surprise. It made her clench her eyes shut and grit her teeth as she willed her heart to stop racing. She always expected to see someone else but they were never there.

Letting out a puff of air Penny gave Mark a wan smile. "Sorry."

"You're all good," he shrugged casually, leaning against the outside of her cube. He rested his elbows on the top of her cube wall and gazed down at her with an unreadable expression. "How are you doing?" he finally asked. She looked up at him.

"What?" she frowned.

"I heard about… you know," he tilted his head with a pointed look. "I just wanted to make sure everything's okay. You seem… distant."

"Oh," Penny blinked, remembering the charade she had to maintain with her boss. "Yeah, I'm fine. I mean, it's been a rough couple days"—understatement—"but I'm alright."

"Sucks, man," he shook his head in sympathy. "When I lost my granddad I was a mess. All the charity casseroles from the neighbors didn't help either," he chuckled and Penny crackled a smile.

"I wouldn't mind a casserole right now," she lamented. "I had to throw away most of the stuff in my fridge because it was expired."

"Been there," Mark nodded. "Seriously, how are we allowed to live on our own?"

Penny quirked her lips. "No idea."

Mark grinned a little before glancing around him to see if anyone was listening in. He then stretched his head into her cube a bit and whispered, "Hey, did you hear about that helicopter crash?"

Penny felt like her nerves were on fire. Her stomach lurched and she tried to not let her anxiety show on her face. Maintaining a straight face she nodded.

"Yeah," she squinted her eyes in false confusion, "it was in Illinois, right?"

"Yeah," Mark whistled lowly. "Wonder what that was about, huh? Crazy stuff. Apparently it has something to do with Waller. Remember that whole tag team she was trying to set up with all those insane inmates?" Penny nodded, trying to appear interested while on the inside she was screaming. "I heard that had something to do with it. It was a total faceoff between them and whoever was in the helicopter."

"I heard it was a military chopper," the man who sat across from Penny added his two-cents upon standing to stretch. "Looked like it from the news report."

Mark squinted. "Totally weird. I thought the military were in on it. I mean, you saw all those guys in uniform prowling around when Waller was here."

"Dunno," the guy shrugged. "Maybe it got out of hand. Doesn't surprise me at all. Those guys are crazy and probably out of control. Giving them a taste of freedom was a huge mistake in my opinion. I bet they turned against her the second they got out. Who's stupid enough to let a bunch of convicted freaks run around with guns and knives? One of them's a damn alligator. Like, what the hell?"

"Crocodile," Penny corrected offhandedly. The two men glanced down at her. Her eyes flashed between them and she shrunk back a bit.

"She's still alive, isn't she?" Mark asked with furrowed brows, returning his attention to the man. "Waller? She made a speech the other day at the White House, I heard. I didn't watch it but I bet it was some half-assed apology about all the damage her shit idea cost Midway City. She'll probably have to fork over all the money for repairs," he grinned.

"It's not like she couldn't afford it," the guy rolled his eyes. Penny's gaze bounced back and forth between the two, feeling oddly disconnected like she was watching them through a television screen. It was strange hearing about something she was directly involved in through someone else's eyes. "Who were all the crazies involved again?"

Mark leaned more towards the guy and lifted a hand to list off on his fingers, "Well, Nick's cousin said that like six or seven inmates were transferred out of Belle Reve. Crocodile guy, some fire guy, Deadkill or Shotkill or something, Harley Quinn and a few others."

"Oh shit," the guy replied intelligently. Penny gave Mark an unimpressed look before inwardly rolling her eyes and returning to her work. Their conversational skills left a lot to be desired. "They're all nuts. I wonder if any of them escaped."

"I don't think so," Mark responded confidently as if he knew everything. "I mean, we'd know about it if they did, right?"

"I don't know, man," the guy sounded skeptical. "If the government makes a mistake they're not gonna be willing to fess up about it. For all we know they're running free and Waller's trying to keep her hunting party under wraps."

"A secret mission for the secret mission," Mark rolled his eyes. "Real fuckin' intelligent. Better lock all your doors just in case," he smirked.

"I don't know, man," the guy repeated except this time his voice was lighter. "Harley Quinn. She's pretty hot. I mean, for a nutcase," Penny started typing loudly on her keyboard, feeling strained, but neither one of them paid her any mind. "I bet she'd be into all kinds of freaky shit."

"That's sick, dude," Mark remarked but he was grinning. "She'd eat you alive."

"Don't try to tell me you wouldn't hit that if you got the chance," the guy defended himself. "You've seen her, man, I'm not the only one!"

"Maybe if we were the last two people on Earth."

The two shared a laugh and Penny's jaw clenched. She pushed her keyboard aside and it slammed into the side of her computer, alerting the two giggling morons to her presence again. She glared up at them and they looked mildly taken aback by her aggression.

"Is all of this just a joke to you?" she snapped, eliciting slack-jawed looks from them at her tone. "Do you think it's funny? They kill people. They're killers. All of them. They've hurt innocent people and you're joking about how hot one of them is? Really? Do you have upstairs brains?" she narrowed her eyes. "What happened the other day in Midway City was serious. What if they hurt a lot of people?"

"Just calm down oka—?"

"I'm not going to calm down," Penny retorted, feeling slightly childish. She made her point and now she was only digging the hole deeper. "I just don't understand how you guys can be so…" she waved her hands around, "blasé about something so serious."

Mark eyed the guy out of his peripherals, raising his eyebrows. "We were just trying to lighten the mood. There's no need to get defensive."

"Yeah," the guy agreed, wording his reply carefully. "It's not like we actually give a shit about any of them. They're whacko. I don't even know why they're keeping them around."

"That's another thing," Penny held up one of her hands, silently fuming. "'Whacko', 'crazy', 'nutcase'… they're mentally ill. There's a difference."

Mark straightened a bit at this, squinting down at her. They'd garnered the attention of most of the people around them and for her part Penny felt mildly chagrinned for causing such a scene but Mark seemed beyond the point of caring.

"Wait a minute," he said, pointing an accusing finger at her. "Why are you defending them? Like you said, they're killers. I hardly think they count as people at this point."

"I'm not defending them," Penny sighed impatiently. "I'm just saying there's a difference," she glanced up at him silently, biting the inside of her lip. Her insides felt like lead and her head was swarming. Her words didn't seem to have any impact on Mark at all as he continued to glare down at her suspiciously. "Have you ever thought to consider why they're such good killers?" she asked quietly.

Mark's forehead wrinkled. "No? Why would I? They're murderers. They're insane."

"Not just insane," Penny denied, feeling a pang in her chest. "Smart. How else would they have gotten away with so much? They may be insane but that doesn't mean they lack intelligence. I'd actually wager they have a lot of it. That's why they're so scary. They get inside your head. That's why you should 'give a shit' about them. That's why it's not a joking matter," she told them steadily, feeling her own words hit home. "They've ruined a lot of people's lives."

What she said seemed to finally register to the guy across from her as he considered her closely. "You're worried they've escaped too, haven't you? See, I told you," he reached across her cube to slap Mark in the shoulder.

Mark recoiled from the offending arm, seemingly forgetting about Penny again as he squinted over at the man.

"Oh please, I'm sure they're holed up somewhere with a padlock and chains. They're not going to get any of us," he stressed heavily, glaring between the man and Penny. Penny shook her head and closed out of her applications, fed up with listening to Mark ramble on. "Too bad for you, man. Your moment with your precious Harley will have to wait."

"Oh fuck you man," he laughed, the sound grating on Penny's nerves. She kicked away from her chair once her computer was locked and stomped away without saying another word. She felt their eyes on her back as she stormed off.

"What's her deal?" she heard the guy ask.

"She's probably upset that she's got nothing to do since Dr. Van Chris is MIA."

"No shit, really?"

Penny rolled her eyes and slammed her thumb repeatedly on the down arrow for the elevator in hopes of taking an early lunch.

She didn't come to work to listen about Task Force X and Harley Quinn.

"This is your fault, Pennywise," he taunted her quietly. His lips were caressing the back of his hand that continued to rest against her mouth. If his hand hadn't been there, they would've been kissing. "All your fault."

She gasped awake, her eyes wet as she coughed into the back of her hand, chest wrought with sobs. Her limbs were trembling as she tried regaining sense of her surroundings. She felt eyes on her in every direction and she dove to her nightstand where she flipped her lamp on to chase the feeling away. She buried her head in her knees that she pulled up into her chest, shuddering and crying into the sheets still covering her legs. The violent shudders that wracked her body made her feel nauseous and she panted into her knees, teeth biting into the sheets to try and calm herself down. She gripped the sheets tightly in her fists, pulling her legs further into herself as her head throbbed, her eyes feeling dehydrated and sore.

She rested her temple against the top of her knees and watched the time tick by until her alarm went off an hour later.

Mark made a point of evading her all day at work but it wasn't without weird glances in her direction whenever he thought she wasn't looking. Him and the guy who sat across from her had clearly spoken to the whole floor about what happened and whispers followed Penny around no matter where she went. She'd racked up quite the tally of sleepless hours over the past few days, desensitizing her to most of the ridicule her peers thought they were doing a good job of hiding. She would've gone the rest of the day without issue if it hadn't have been for the note waiting on her keyboard when she got back from her lunch (that she hadn't eaten during).

Penny frowned down at the neat cursive handwriting, peeling the sticky note off her keyboard to read it.

Miss Weiss,

Please come see me in my office when you have a chance.

Sally M.

Penny blinked owlishly down at the message before sighing heavily. Sally McGregor was their office's counsellor. Well, technically she was a counsellor-slash-HR-rep but they were required to speak to the head of HR upstairs whenever they had a work-related or salary issue so, for the most part, she was a glorified guidance counsellor. And Penny had a feeling she knew exactly why she was being asked to meet.

With a tired huff, Penny made her way to Sally's office. With any luck it'd be a quick and painless meeting and then she could go back to her desk and try not to fall asleep for another three hours until it was time to go home.

Her knuckles brushed swiftly against Sally's half-open door and a feminine voice called her in. Penny stepped inside with a quick half-smile and Sally gave her a warm one in return before gesturing to the chair across from her desk. As Penny dropped into the seat, Sally closed the manila folder she was skimming through and pushed it aside to give Penny her undivided attention.

"Miss Weiss," Sally greeted amicably. "Thank you for taking the time to stop by. I didn't want to make a big deal out of this," she informed her and Penny could barely hold back the urge to roll her eyes. Her tiredness had shortened her temper quite a bit. "So hopefully we can get through this quickly. I just wanted to speak to you about recent developments both in and out of the office. You're not obligated to disclose any information on your private life and I won't pry but when things at home start affecting your professional life here at work, that's when we try to get involved in hopes of resolving any problems before they escalate further," she explained in a generic but civil tone. "Your supervisor informed me that you recently had a death in the family and deaths can be hard to cope with especially if it was someone close to you."

Sally leaned forward a bit, resting her elbows on her desk as she gave Penny an open look as if expecting her to immediately spill all her repressed, dark thoughts. Penny licked her lips and shifted uncomfortably in the hard seat, crossing one leg over the other.

"I wasn't very close with them, no," she disagreed awkwardly. Even with her disposition she felt uneasy lying, especially to someone of such high authority. "I mean, they were family but they lived far away so I didn't see them often."

"I understand," Sally nodded. "Even so it can be hard, especially with those you were never very personable with. It can leave you feeling incomplete and maybe a little regretful, like you wished you'd been able to spend more time with them."

Penny shifted a little. "I guess so, yeah."

Sally considered her for a moment, lips pursing as her green eyes danced over Penny's uncomfortable face.

"Is there anything else that's been going on?" Sally finally asked her. "Your supervisor has noticed a change in behavior the past couple of weeks. I understand you've always been a more reserved person and kept to yourself which there's nothing wrong with that, but lately he's said that you've been more distant. It's gotten to the point where it's affected your work," she added sympathetically. Penny bit the inside of her cheek and looked away. "I'm not here to reprimand you, I just want to let you know that I'm available to talk if you need it. Sometimes it's easier talking to a stranger than it is to people you see every day. Strangers are a bit more objective; less likely to judge you. If that's something you're worried about."

Penny picked at her nails as her hands fidgeted nervously in her lap. Sally seemed to notice this and Penny quickly stopped, weaving her fingers together and resting her clasped hands over her leg.

"I'm fine," she said in a light voice. "I mean, I have the same issues everyone else has. You know, finances and things like that. It gets hard sometimes but," she lifted a shoulder halfheartedly, "I'm getting through it."

It didn't look like Sally believed her but she nodded anyway. "Everyone hits a rough patch every now and then. It's understandable. You live alone?"

"Yeah," Penny bit her lip.

"That makes it even harder," Sally noted. Penny nodded once. Sally sighed with a light smile and leaned back a bit. "I know it can be strange talking to someone about things like this. And it's okay that you don't want to, I don't take offense to it at all. Like I said, I'm not here to force you to talk or judge you in any way. But if I may give you a bit of advice?" she waited for Penny to nod before continuing, "We all have our own problems, some worse than others. Sometimes it's hard going to someone else for help because how can they help if they don't know what you're going through? Sometimes you have to do things on your own. But if it's not too bold for me to say: don't run away from those problems," she told her seriously. "Running away only makes things worse. And maybe you're not actively running from them, maybe you're just avoiding them. But that's just as bad. After a while it'll all start to build up and soon it'll be too big for you to handle. Confront them while you still can. Who knows," she gave a delicate shrug. "You might be better off."

Penny stared at the woman, trying to appear detached and uninterested but unable to hide the way she considered her words. Sally smiled at this, clearly too observant for her own good. It must've been why she was a counsellor.

"Think about it," she suggested easily with a genial smile. She motioned to the door. "You're free to go."

Unsure of how to respond, Penny pushed away from the chair and made her way to the door, her thoughts running at a speed she couldn't quite keep up with.

"And Penny?" she turned at the sound of Sally's voice. "I hope things start looking up for you. Hang in there."

Penny gave the woman a small smile but it was genuine. "Thanks."

She opened the door and made her way back to her desk in silence. She had a lot to think about.

She felt the knife dig into her flesh beneath her ribs, slicing and carving. All she could do was scream, her feet rooted to the spot. His grin was wide as he watched her squirm, tears falling down her cheeks. Her eyes rolled up to watch the singular fan above them rotate. With each turn she heard a deep whoosh on the air. It sounded like it was coming from a helicopter. As he dug the knife further into her stomach she saw a river of flames burst from the fan, igniting the ceiling. The smoke clogged her throat and she couldn't breathe, though that could've been him forcing the blade into her lungs. He continued to laugh as the fire spread and in the blink of an eye the ceiling was no longer there, instead replaced with a burning chopper, the blades from the fan now the rudders as they spun wildly, out of control.

"You can run but you can't hide," his voice was now a whisper in her ear. She felt the warmth of his body crowd the front of her, his stomach pressing against hers and holding her shredded abdomen together. She saw the blood dripping into a puddle between them but she no longer felt the pain. "I'll always find you, Pennywise."

She cried and he shushed her, cradling the back of her head with his free hand. As his fingers stroked her hair, she felt the blade of his knife teasing her side.

"Shh, shh, Pennywise. It's okay, I got you. I got you."

She cried harder, her sobs echoing now that his hand wasn't covering her face.

"Shh. I got you. You're not going anywhere."

He laughed again and she felt him lift his arm, bringing the knife down into her hip—

—and her eyes flew open again, her lungs contracting painfully as she coughed, trying to rid her lungs of the smoke that wasn't there. Her hands immediately flew to her stomach and hip, once again finding nothing but the crumpled fabric of her shirt. Her forehead was wet with sweat as was her back and she tugged uncomfortably at the giant t-shirt she wore to bed before leaning forward to cradle her head in her hands. She gave herself a minute to regain her bearings, hiccupping every few seconds before pulling away to glance at the clock. Four am.

Licking her lips, Penny leaned back against her pillows, gazing up at the ceiling fan much like she had in her dream except this one wasn't moving despite how humid and sticky the air felt in her bedroom. She watched the fan with tired, glossy eyes until the sun rose in the sky about an hour and a half later.

That day she found her new cards had finally come in the mail along with her license and car key. She was able to pay her rent (which cost $60 more than usual) and electric bill ($35 more than usual), leaving her little room for groceries but she needed some sort of food in the house. Even though she could now drive, she didn't feel comfortable behind the wheel with her sleep deprivation so she walked to the nearest Walgreens to buy a few snacks, some frozen dinner meals and other miscellaneous things she needed.

Her head was throbbing throughout her journey and she could only imagine how she looked browsing the aisles with her basket full of junk food in her oversized sweats and hoodie, her hair haphazardly thrown into a messy bun on top of her head. The lack of sleep had created decent-sized bags under her eyes and her skin was a bit pale from exhaustion. She wasn't eating much due to her low appetite which also contributed to her skin's ashen color. She looked like a walking corpse and she felt like one, too.

The walk back to her apartment was spent with her glancing nervously over her shoulder every few seconds, a habit she couldn't manage to shake. The anxious part of her was constantly on the lookout for black, heavily tinted cars. Or shiny purple-pink ones. To her luck she never saw anything out of the ordinary and she took the elevator up to her floor, quickly letting herself into her apartment before locking the deadbolt, handle lock and chain. After putting away her things, she heated up a meal in the microwave before plopping herself down on the couch and turning on the TV.

Immediately an urgent news report flashed across the screen and Penny realized with dread that the channel 5 news was the last station she had the TV on. When she saw the name that was plastered across the scrolling text at the bottom of the screen, she dropped the remote and stared, unblinking, as a news reporter regrettably broadcasted the findings of Dr. Van Chris's charred remains in the chopper incident in Midway City. The woman, who was dressed to the nines in a white pants suit, also informed via a teleprompter that Dr. Van Chris's wife, Mary, was declared missing by a relative two days prior.

The few bites Penny had taken of her meal felt heavy in her stomach and she sat the half-eaten meal on her coffee table, lips turned downward as she watched the news report. She wanted to shut it off and hide away in her room but for some reason she felt obligated to keep it on, like watching it was somehow a deserving punishment for the guilt she felt. An image of Dr. Van Chris's crying wife flashed across her mind, the white-masked man holding a knife to her throat as she begged and pleaded for her life. Penny didn't know for sure but something in her gut told her the woman was dead.

She sat still as she watched the entire news broadcast, face surprisingly blank and eyes unblinking. They mentioned funeral arrangements despite the fact that his family didn't have a body to bury. Penny never really understood that. Closure, she guessed. She didn't really get it.

Once the report was over, she made her way back into her bedroom where she curled up into a ball underneath her sheets, pulling the covers up to her chin.

She couldn't live like this. If it wasn't the nightmares it was the guilt, and if it wasn't the guilt it was the paranoia. She couldn't take it. If she continued on like this she'd break before she hit thirty, if she even made it to thirty. Her mind felt so fragile and it scared the hell out of her. She never thought she'd reach the point where she was scared of her own mind, her own thoughts. The past week made her realize that the shit the Joker put her through had struck her to her core. She didn't know why the realization made her so shaken. Maybe it was because she thought his influence was beyond her, that she couldn't be affected by it.

And it wasn't just him. It was everything—everything she saw, everything she experienced. She saw more than most people twice her age ever did, things that could haunt her and stick with her for the rest of her life. How was she going to cope with that? Was her mind even strong enough to come back from it? She didn't know. Was she supposed to just wait and see? He wasn't done with her yet, that much she knew. What else was there? At this point Penny was convinced she'd seen it all. How could it get any worse?

No. She knew better than to ask that. She knew not to doubt the Joker's capability; knew that, if given the chance, he could ruin her in more ways than he already had. She wondered if that was his goal all along. To see how far he could take her before she toppled over the edge. She felt like she was a coin standing on its side and she didn't know which direction she was going to fall in, only that one side held all the bad things and the other side held slightly less bad things. How was she supposed to sway the coin in a certain direction?

Take control, she told herself. But how? And was that even an option?

Don't run away from those problems, Sally had said. Confront them.

Confront them how?

Penny buried her face in her hands, running her fingers through her hair as she stared at the wall across from her. She'd been thinking too much lately. She was surprised her mind still had room for everything.

Maybe if she sought the Joker out and confronted him face to face… maybe it'd help her. She needed to know what was going to happen next. She couldn't handle the suspense of going day in and day out without a trace of him and then suddenly he'd be there invading her space and pulling her in ten different directions she didn't know how to follow. Maybe if he told her why everything had to happen the way it did, maybe it'd help. Or maybe it'd make things a hell of a lot worse, she didn't know. But she couldn't take this. She couldn't handle the nightmares, the frenzied looks over her shoulders while in public, afraid that at any second she'd be skirted off to the next life or death situation with his maniacal laugh ringing in her ears. Something had to give.

With a determined set in her brow, Penny tossed the covers off herself and headed to her closet for a change of clothes.

She needed a shower.

. . .

She stopped the car about a block away from the club. The curbs were lined on each side the closer she got and she realized she'd have to walk the rest of the way. Putting the car in park near the sidewalk, she sat as it idled with her hands clutching the steering wheel, staring in the direction of the club with uneasiness pooling in her gut.

She didn't know if she had the nerve to go through with it. It'd only been four days but she didn't know if she could face him again so soon. For at least a little while she was out of it. She wasn't obligated to do anything. He wasn't expecting her to do anything. As far as she was concerned he was giving her an out. But there was always that fear lurking beneath the surface of wondering when he'd show up again. She knew he wasn't done with her. He meant what he said about her owing him a debt; there's no way he'd let that go. He may have let her off scotch-free for the time being but the truth of the matter was it was only temporary. And she had a feeling that fear was the root of her nightmares. She knew the rest was just her brain's way of coping with everything that had happened. Honestly, she wasn't even quite sure she could consider it coping. She wasn't handling it very well. But she could worry about that later.

Penny had to remind herself of that conviction she had earlier. She needed to do this. Or, at least, she was pretty sure she needed to. She wouldn't be able to sleep at night until she confronted him. Even just the thought of it was stupid, maybe even a little suicidal, and she couldn't believe the idea actually came from her brain but she was beyond the point of rationality. Her nerves were wired and frazzled from so little sleep and she was fairly certain that if she didn't do something about it soon she'd go off the deep end.

This was why she didn't want children. All they did was keep you up at night and Penny didn't know how to function on a bad night's sleep. She'd be a terrible parent.

After digging her nails into the steering wheel until she left crescent-shaped indents, Penny pursed her lips before turning the ignition off and stepping out of the car. She locked it and schooled her features, making her way down to the crosswalk where she waited for the okay to step through it along with a few other nicely dressed people that obviously had the same destination in mind as her. She waited in the line that curved around the building, feeling the base of the music from where she stood as she wringed her fingers together. There was a wad of cash tucked away in her jean pocket from the ATM she visited beforehand and she pulled it out, clutching it in her palm like a lifeline as the queue slowly moved forward.

She stuck out like a sore thumb and she knew it. She wasn't dressed nearly as well as everyone around her and excluding a select few that stuck their noses up in her direction, most of the people were too immersed in their own conversations to notice or care. Something about this felt oddly familiar and an image of herself a few weeks ago popped into her mind; back when he first invited her to speak about Task Force X. She cared even less about her appearance now than she did back then, with her hair wound in a loose bun and a few clips pinning the stray hairs that fell from it. Unfortunately now her cheeks had much less color to them and her eyelids were verging on purple from the lack of sleep.

At least the bruise around her neck had almost completely faded.

The line moved at a treacherously slow pace, an invisible knife twisting in her stomach each time she moved forward. She didn't want to psych herself out but if the line continued to move this slowly she probably would.

Thankfully she reached the door a little over five minutes later. There seemed to be a scuffle a few paces in front of her that kept the line at a standstill for a good two minutes before a man and a woman were escorted away from the property after being denied access. The bouncer was a large man as per usual clad in a black dress shirt and slacks standing before a red velvet rope. She paid him quickly and, ignoring the unimpressed look he flashed at her clothes, he let her through. She had a feeling if she were anyone else he probably wouldn't have allowed her inside but she recognized him from the last time she visited and she was almost positive he recognized her, too.

Even though recognition was one thing she didn't want out of this, she welcomed it in this instance.

Unsurprisingly, the club was packed and chaotic. Penny had a hard time scoping out the area because of the strobe lights that flashed in various colors over the dancefloor. She tried maneuvering around a crowd of dancing people, steadily making her way towards the bar where she could perch herself on a stool and gain a better vantage point. It took a minute too long but she finally reached it and managed to snag a stool that had been freed only moments prior to her arrival. She jumped up on it and peered over the sea of heads, glancing in the direction of the VIP lounge. Through the tangle of beads she was able to spot half of the infamous booth he usually occupied and pursed her lips at the fact that it was empty.

Her eyes roamed the area. The only time she'd seen him outside the VIP section was when he danced with her. She tried looking for a head of green hair in the mass of writhing bodies. She knew it wouldn't be hard to find which made her disappointed when she scoured the entire dancefloor twice and came up short. With an angry sigh she sat properly on the stool and stewed in her annoyance at the fact that it was impossible for her to find him but too easy for him to find her. It didn't help that she had no idea how to get to his house, not that she expected he was there. She had a hunch that outside of sleeping he was only ever there when Harley was.

Realizing that she still had a few bills on hand, she handed the bartender some money in exchange for a drink. It wasn't cheap getting in and it'd be a waste if she didn't at least treat herself. Unfortunately the music was loud and obnoxious so the only thing she could really enjoy was the sugary drink he passed her a few seconds later. She sipped on it, her eyes occasionally swiping the area closest to her in hopes of seeing someone she recognized. Eventually her gaze landed on the dancers swinging in their decorative cages, their long legs wrapped around the poles they danced against with men crowded on each side cheering and whooping and throwing bills. As degrading as it was, she knew the girls who danced made a decent amount of money doing it and she couldn't fault them for that.

There were two dancers at the moment, one blonde and the other a vibrant redhead, and they were dressed exotically in gold and silver dresses alike with heels much too high for Penny to walk in. Their calf muscles were defined which must've meant they were used to the labors of dancing. Their smiles were large, the blonde's lips painted a bright pink while the redhead's lips matched her hair, and every so often they'd step forward and dance personally for one of the men station below the cages. Penny realized after about a minute of watching that they usually singled out those who tossed up larger bills. Clever.

Penny couldn't deny she was a bit envious of these girls. Not just for their looks (though that was part of the reason—she couldn't deny they were beautiful) but for their confidence. Woman power and self-assurance oozed out of their every pore and they thrived off of the attention. It was clear they danced because they wanted to, not because they had to or someone forced them. And at the end of the song each girl collected their share of money, stuffing the wad of bills in their bras as they posed one last time for the men. When they walked off there was a round of applause and Penny joined in the clapping, watching them wiggle their hips and smirk over their shoulders as they slipped through the crowd.

Exhaling slowly, Penny turned back around on her stool and sipped her drink a few more times until she reached the bottom. She pushed her glass away and the bartender asked if she wanted a refill. She politely declined and pushed herself off the stool, giving up her seat to the next person who needed it. She didn't see much of a reason for her to stay and she began weaving her way through the crowd towards the door.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe this was some higher power telling her that she needed to let it go and try to get past it on her own. She ignored the nagging pull in the back of her head and continued onward, bumping into a few chests and apologizing quietly as she tried sliding around them. It'd gotten more crowded since she got there which meant it was harder for her to find a path towards the exit. She ended up circling around the dancefloor, passing the VIP lounge as she did so. She spared the section one more cursory glance, that nagging feeling in the back of her head vibrating in silent hope. Once again the booth was vacant.

She made her way towards the exit with a newfound determination, irritated with herself for even showing up in the first place. She pushed her way through a group lingering near the cages, stumbling through two tall men who seemed to find humor in her desire to leave. She almost lost her footing before she collided into a hard body. She caught herself on their jacket sleeve and it took a second for the person to react, as if they were going to let her fall until they realized who she was.

"Miss Weiss?" they asked, surprise coating their naturally deep tone. Penny's head whipped up at the familiar voice, eyes widening at the sight of Frost who was gazing down at her with an unreadable expression, eyebrows raised.

"Penny," she corrected him offhandedly. "You're here," she stated dumbly.

"Yeah and so are you," Frost frowned. "Why are you here?"

"Where is he?" Penny asked immediately, ignoring his question. Or maybe she was answering it. She felt jittery and electrified and Frost spotted her change in demeanor instantly. His brows pulled down.

"He's not here," he said. Penny ran her fingers through her hair roughly, shifting her stance.

"I need to see him," she told him, voice steady and serious. "I've been…" she licked her lips. "I just need to see him."

Frost tossed a look over her head, glancing around to make sure they hadn't caused a scene before he gripped her elbow tightly and tugged her to the edge of the room near the wall. Penny followed ungracefully, tripping a bit over her feet. Her mind felt hazy from the drink and she realized with chagrin that it'd gone to her head so quickly because she had an empty stomach. Frost seemed to notice her lack of coordination and his frown deepened, forehead wrinkled in slight irritation.

"Why are you here really?" he asked, leaning forward a bit to where she could hear him over the music.

"I told you," Penny replied, lips turned down. "I need to see him."

"And I told you he isn't here," Frost replied with a hint of snark. Penny narrowed her eyes.

"I don't believe you," she said. His eyebrows rose further.

"Excuse me?"

"I don't believe you," she repeated, a bit stronger. "Wherever he is you usually aren't far behind and unless he sent you here to look for someone, which I don't think he did because you have less of a 'I need to find someone' look on your face and more of a 'I need to keep an eye out while my boss does this thing' face, so he must be here somewhere."

"If I say he's not here then he's not here," Frost snapped, face hard. "Do you really have so little concern for yourself? Do you know what he'd do if he found out you were trying to find him?"

"Oh, is this you looking out for me again?" Penny asked, nose curled as she glared up at him. The alcohol must've really done a number on her emotions because under normal circumstances she wouldn't have put up this much of a fight. "You can save the act, alright? I'm not here for whatever reason you think I'm here."

"Oh really?" Frost challenged, shoulders squared. He definitely had the advantage of height as he stood a full head taller than her and she couldn't pretend she wasn't a little bit intimidated. She had to crane her neck to meet his gaze properly. "And what, pray tell, would that reason be?"

Penny licked her lips again, feeling anxious for some reason and unwilling to say it out loud. Frost could read the confliction on her face and he gave her a smug look, making her blood boil.

"Where is he?" she repeated, enunciating each syllable. Frost dipped low until their noses were nearly touching and she had to cross her eyes to maintain eye contact.

"Go home, Penny," he told her. "Drink some water and go to bed."

"That's the whole problem, Frost!" Penny yelled, tugging at the roots of her hair. She felt her eyes stinging out of frustration and Frost pulled away, seemingly taken aback. "I can't sleep. I've tried but every time I close my eyes I see his face."

"And you think seeing it in person will help with that?" Frost eyed her skeptically. Penny sighed tiredly.

"I know it sounds stupid, okay? Believe me, I know. I tried talking myself out of it a few times but I can't stop thinking about it and it kind of makes me feel like I'm losing my mind so I'd appreciate it if you'd just tell me where he is so I can make all this shit stop," she finished, breathing heavily through her nose. Frost was giving her a look she didn't understand but it didn't mask the mild annoyance still present on his face. "I won't even tell him you saw me."

Frost rolled his eyes and the look was gone. "Maybe I'll tell him you stopped by, yeah? Will that satisfy you?"

Penny shrieked and was only a vein bursting away from stomping her foot. A few people nearby gave her weird looks but for the most part the base was too loud for anyone to really notice the scene she was causing. Frost just looked exasperated like he was dealing with a child throwing a tantrum. If Penny were completely sober she probably would've felt embarrassed.

"I know he's here, Frost," she glared.

"I'm going to give you to the count of five and if you're not making your way towards that door I'm going to pick you up and throw you out myself."

Penny gave him an affronted look. "You can't make me leave."

Frost squinted at her. "Try me, princess."

She bristled. "Don't call me princess. Maybe I want to stay for the atmosphere," she grinned with a challenging lift of her eyebrow.

Frost raised a hand and for a second she thought he was going to strangle her but instead he thought better of it and clenched his fingers together, digging his nails into his palm. His looked the other way, lips pursed, before returning her defiant gaze with a heated scowl.

"Fine. Stay if you want. Enjoy your evening," he made to turn around but Penny quickly stopped him with a hand on his arm. He gave the contact a poisonous stare and she quickly pulled away before he lost his temper.

"Are you going to go to wherever he is in this building and tell him you saw me?" she asked sarcastically. Frost gritted his teeth.

"No," he snipped before pointing at a vacant couch. "I'm going to go sit over there."

With that, he marched with a purpose towards the couch and pointedly sat down, making himself comfortable. He returned her defiant glare and she clenched her jaw, her stomach sinking a bit as he finally broke their gaze to watch the people around him. Penny stood there for a good twenty seconds, unsure of what her next move should be. She wasn't quite as convinced as she made herself out to be that Mister J was close by but she couldn't shake the feeling that Frost was hiding something from her. Rarely did she ever see the man out in public without Mister J in the vicinity. It was possible they were hunting someone down but with the way Frost was glancing idly around, she could tell he wasn't searching for anyone in particular. And she wasn't so naïve to believe that he was just out for a grand old time by himself.

Penny sucked in a deep breath through her teeth before making her way back over to the bar. It was an effort but through her journey across the dancefloor she felt Frost's eyes on her, making her feel slightly smug. The bar was only about half occupied as a new set of girls slinked up to the cages to dance which gave Penny plenty of room to make herself comfortable. Instead of ordering another drink, she asked for a glass of water, heeding at least part of Frost's advice. Every so often hers and Frost's gaze would meet and her eyes would glisten at him across the room as she sipped daintily on her water, making him roll his eyes.

Penny watched the dancers again for a bit, entranced with how elegantly they moved. She could understand the men's fascination with them, though the mesmerized looks on their faces was a bit amusing even for her. The girls swayed their hips erotically, swinging around the poles in tune with the music with effortless grace. She enjoyed watching about half of their show before her eyes unconsciously traveled back over to where Frost was sitting.

It felt like her heart plunged into her stomach. He wasn't there.

Penny whipped her head from left to right, scanning the crowd closely as she lifted herself a bit off her stool. It was possible that he just left the club but Penny wasn't going to give up that easily, still feeling that nagging pull in the back of her head. She finished her second glass of water in two quick gulps before slipping off the stool and pushing her way through the crowd again. Once she dispersed, she immediately looked towards the lounge. As expected, the booth was still empty but she did see a flash of black through the beads. There was a broad figure making their way across the lounge towards the back and through a gap in the beads she saw them pass through a velvet purple curtain.

With narrowed eyes, Penny made sure no one was looking in her direction before she slipped through the beads. There were two occupied booths in the lounge, one with a couple too involved in themselves to notice her and a group of people at least ten years older than her in deep discussion. She weaved through the scattered tables and paused at the curtain, listening. When she didn't hear anything out of the ordinary she pulled the curtain aside and stepped through. She was met with a dark hallway and a line of doors on the left side, each with their own number (they were listed 1-8) and a design. The first was a club, the second a diamond, third a heart, fourth a spade, and so on. She noticed the figure she spotted earlier standing with their back to her at the end of the hall and with squinted eyes Penny made her way towards them, at least 85% sure it was Frost.

To her relief she realized it was him when she was only a couple of feet away and, hearing her footsteps, Frost turned and glared fiercely at her.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" he asked incredulously. "What the hell are you doing back here?"

"I followed you," she stated redundantly. Her head was starting to clear a bit from all the water she drank which fortunately meant that she was no longer stumbling. This also unfortunately meant she was feeling a lot less brave.

Frost slit his eyes at her.

"I see that," he nodded slowly. "Why did you? You're not supposed to be back here."

Penny avoided his question and eyed the door he was standing beside. There was a fancy J painted onto the door next to a star and a jester hat.

"He's in there, isn't he?" she asked. Frost growled in the back of his throat.

"So help me if you don't leave I swear…"

"I need to talk to him, Frost," Penny tried to stress, her eyes pleading.

"You have a gluten for punishment."

"Please, Frost," she said quietly. She rubbed her hands down her face before wringing her fingers together. She wished she had another drink. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I'm overstepping here and I know that I made you mad but you need to understand. Me getting involved?" she pointed to herself with a shake of her head. "It wasn't my fault. Okay? I didn't ask for this happen. I didn't ask to be dragged everywhere with the threat of losing my life. It wasn't on the agenda. I had a normal life and now nothing's the same and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm sick of not getting any straight answers out of him."

"Why do you need answers?" Frost asked impatiently. "Why does there have to be a reason for everything? Why can't you just take the time you got and stay away?"

"Because I can't!" Penny cried. "I don't like not knowing! It scares me to not know! I'm not like you guys, okay? Do you know how much all of this has fucked me up inside?" she glared. She began listing off on her fingers, "I have nightmares, I get no sleep, I can't eat, I'm constantly looking over my shoulder, I'm afraid. Maybe at first I thought I could pretend. I could act like everything was fine and that I was fine and if I just ignored everything then maybe it'd all go away. But that's not how any of this works," Penny shook her head. "That's not how I work. I can't just let things go. I don't know how."

Frost shook his head again, though it was less hostile than before which meant he must've taken her words to heart.

"I still don't see how coming here's gonna help you any. He's just gonna fuck you up more."

"Then I've got nothing to lose," Penny shrugged, unable to argue anymore. She felt drained, her limbs aching as she stood there. "It's okay if you don't get it. I kind of don't get it either. I don't really know myself anymore and that's… that's not a good feeling."

Frost stared down at her silently.

"Have you ever thought about seeing a therapist?" he asked with heavy sarcasm. Penny laughed emotionlessly at the joke.

"I saw my work's counselor and that was enough."

"Yeah?" Frost asked with vague interest. "And what'd they say?"

"She said I needed to confront my problems, not avoid them. So here I am," she opened her arms wide.

Frost snorted. "Of course she did."

Penny shuffled a bit and eyed the door with skepticism. She felt antsy. "What's he doing in there?"

Frost rolled his eyes. "I don't know where you got the idea that that's any of your business but let me clarify just in case it wasn't clear before," he leaned towards her, "that's none of your business."

Penny bristled again but she had the good sense to hold her tongue in spite of how much she didn't want to.

"Can I see him now?"

Frost huffed through his nose. "Can you maybe hold your horses for like ten minutes or are you incapable of waiting that long?"

"Not incapable," Penny denied easily though her jaw was clenched. She crossed her arms over her chest and noticed the expectant look on Frost's face like he couldn't believe she was still standing in front of him. "Do you want me leave?" she asked incredulously.

Frost gave her a 'duh' look that on any other day would've made her laugh, "Yeah? I'll come get you when he's ready."

Penny squinted at him suspiciously. "I don't think so. You're just going to let him leave without telling me."

Frost tossed his arms in the air, any shred of patience he had left completely dissipating.

"Fine. If you insist, stay. Just keep your damn mouth shut, huh? I'm getting a headache."

Keep her mouth shut. She could do that.

She leaned against the wall opposite the doors, arms still crossed as she took in her surroundings. Each door was painted a different color—some in various shades of red, others teal, and of course J's was purple. The crown molding along the top of the walls was gold, the same shining color as the numbers painted on the doors. Penny wasn't obtuse. She knew that the rooms were usually reserved for private showings. If Mister J was in one of the numbered rooms she'd wonder if he had a woman with him but since he had his own room, she couldn't help but think that he stayed there from time to time when he wasn't at his house. It made sense considering the door itself appeared much more regal and well-kept than all the other doors. Still, what was he doing that was so important?

I guess it's none of my business, Penny thought with an air of snark. It wasn't that she felt she had the right to know, it was just so strange coming from a point where she was so immersed into the Joker's life and now she was an outsider like everyone else. She supposed she should've felt grateful not being involved—which she did—but it was still strange nonetheless. It was hard to get used to.

Penny shifted a few times as she watched the door for any signs of movement. The fact that they were in an enclosed area away from the main hall of the club meant that Penny had a better sense of hearing and she couldn't even hear muffled voices from inside his room. There were a few questionable sounds coming from Room 3 to which she occasionally wrinkled her nose at but there was nothing in Mister J's room. Penny almost wanted to believe Frost led her back here on purpose to divert her attention from the rest of the club, maybe so Mister J could mingle with his customers in peace, but she wasn't so close-minded to believe he'd go through the trouble of evading her like that. Mister J never struck her as the type to avoid confrontation, especially with someone as weak as her.

Another five minutes went by and Penny was starting to get restless. Frost had all but remained still as a statue while she moved around in her little spot across from Room 6, his eyes only occasionally flickering to her fidgety form in slight annoyance. The anticipation was eating Penny alive inside and she held out for another minute and a half before she couldn't take it anymore.

"Are you sure he's even really in there?" Penny's voice broke the silence. Frost's posture slackened a bit in irritation.

"What did I say about shutting up?"

"You said to wait ten minutes and it's been twelve and a half," she countered defensively.

"Jesus Christ," Frost rolled his head back.

"I only need five minutes," Penny pleaded, trying to appeal to his decent side again.

"You're going to get a lot more than that," Frost warned. Penny's brows furrowed.

"What does that mean?"

"You know what it means," Frost told her as if she were stupid. "He's gonna be pissed."

"I'll make it short," Penny promised, her stomach churning.

The anger on Frost's face was palpable but he moved aside nonetheless, seemingly fed up with trying to fight her on it. Penny eyed him suspiciously, wondering what the catch was as she stepped forward carefully. She unfolded her arms and reached for the intricate gold handle, fingers curling around it as Frost eyed her with obvious distain from his position next to her.

"Don't act like I never done anything for you," he cautioned thickly. Penny shot him an uneasy smile that lacked any feeling behind it.

"I won't," and with that she pushed the door open. Frost stepped back in front of the door as she closed it behind her, almost completely enveloped in darkness.

It wasn't just a room, she noted, as she stepped further inside. She was currently in some sort of sitting room with nice plum-colored furniture and tapestries hung on the wall. There was a faint aroma of whiskey on the air along with stale cologne and cigar smoke, not completely unpleasant scents but together they made her stomach lurch. Cracking her fingers absently, she moved through the open doorway that led into another room, this one equipped with a flat screen TV and a brown leather couch. There was a bottle of half-empty golden liquid on the end table and two used glasses discarded next to it. She frowned at this and turned her head, noticing another room with the door closed to the right.

She moved towards it carefully, warning signs flashing like yellow beacons inside her head. She paused a couple feet away and didn't continue forward until the knife he held in her dream flashed across her mind. Her feet carried her to the door and she rested her ear against it. She could hear something but the door blocked most of the sound—it sounded like heavy shuffling. If he was fighting with someone she surely didn't want to get caught in the crossfire. Her hand hovered over the doorknob, hesitating. She bit the inside of her cheek until she nearly drew blood. Some natural instinct kicked in, one that she was certain she didn't have before, and the door was behind thrust open before she even realized she turned the knob.

What she saw, she did not expect.

It was obviously a bedroom judging by the large round bed that took up the majority of the space. Mister J was on top of it, void of any clothing, and there was a woman in his lap with her back to Penny. Penny felt her throat close up at the sight of his pale hand buried in her golden brown hair, his face tucked over her shoulder, his striking blue eyes landing on her stunned form. His pupils were blown wide, mouth flushed and smeared with his green hair hanging over the bridge of his nose. His silver teeth were clenched as his other hand dug roughly into the woman's hip, knuckles white from the strain, nails squeezing her flesh as she gasped and moved above him. There was a delicate sheen of sweat on their skin that made them glisten and the contrast between their skin tones was disarming.

For a good ten seconds or so Penny didn't know how to move.

Mister J snarled, a deep, rough sound in the back of his throat and she couldn't tell if it was in reaction to her or the woman that continued to pleasure him in his lap.

When Penny finally regained proper motor function, she felt her feet carrying her quickly back through the living area and into the front room, her heart hammering loudly in her ears. She felt faint and slightly ill, not to mention painfully embarrassed that she'd caught him in such a compromising position and terrified as hell that he'd make her pay for it.

Unable to follow her sporadic train of thought, Penny did the only thing she could think of and headed for the door, but when she tried turning the handle she was met with resistance. She quickly fumbled with the lock, eyebrows pinched together as she realized it wasn't a door that could be locked from the outside.

Frost must've been holding the handle on the other side.

When she tried desperately jiggling it again, she heard his muffled voice on the other side, "I warned you."

Penny shrieked, slamming her fist angrily on the door before spinning back around. She was breathing heavily as she glanced into the living area, staring blankly at the half-empty whiskey bottle with her gut twisting and clenching. She licked her lips and tried swallowing, nearly choking on her saliva as her throat continued to swell from anxiety. She could feel the ragged pulse of her heart in her temples and her cheeks felt hot as she scanned the room. There was no other way out.

Sweat brimmed her forehead and she carefully turned back around and tried the handle again. The second the handle turned halfway Frost grabbed it from the other side, stopping the movement.

"Damn it, Frost!" she yelled, voice cracking as she slapped her palm on the door.

He didn't reply and she leaned her head against the panel of the door until there was a pained shriek from the other room. There was nothing lustful about it and Penny jolted at how high-pitched it was, tossing a nervous glance over her shoulder. There was another shriek followed by a dull thump and a gurgle that was cut off wetly halfway through and then there was nothing but eerie silence.

Penny panted heavily against the door, the nausea in her stomach nearly making her double over and vomit. She waited with an anxiety that pierced her heart, palm sweaty as it continued to grip the door handle. She was trembling so hard that she eventually couldn't keep a steady grip on the handle and her arm fell stiffly to her side.

Nothing but her stuttered, quick gasps filled the air and her throat was dry by the time she heard soft footsteps padding into the room adjacent from the one she was currently in. Her heart rate spiked and she felt close to passing out, pressing herself further against the door as if by doing so she could somehow phase through to the other side and escape. This was a mistake. This was a big fucking mistake. She was so fucking stupid. How could she be such an idiot?

A pale, hunched figure appeared in the doorway. His white torso was bare, hair still matted and unkempt with a pair of dress pants pulled low on his hips, unbuckled and unzipped. It was obvious he didn't have anything on underneath and Penny forced her gaze up, her ears feeling hot. He had a sated look on his face though his eyes were narrowed dangerously in her direction and she braced herself against the door as he slowly made his way towards her.

"Pennywise," he greeted, voice lower and gravellier than usual.

The sound made her ears ring and she fumbled with the handle behind her again. This time, as if Frost knew what was happening, it gave way and she made to pull the door open but Mister J marched the final three steps towards her and powerfully smacked his hand against the door not two inches from her head. The door slammed shut and Penny winced at the sound, the door vibrating from the force against her back as she eyed the offending arm warily out of her peripherals.

Her breath caught in her throat at their close proximity, her eyes watching another strand of damp green hair fall down into his face. She could smell the sweat on his skin, could feel the intensity of his heat radiate against her and it made her lower spine tremble. His breathing was rough as he glared at her, his blue eyes piercing hers like sharp diamonds gleaming in the low light.

"What's the rush, Pennywise?" he grated, his nose brushing against her cheekbone. She shivered at the contact, could feel her chest quivering against his sticky one, and she wanted nothing more than to get as far away from him as possible. "Hm?"

He seemed to realize how much she dislike the smell on his skin and he pushed himself further against her, the unbuttoned hem of his pants dragging against her stomach. It was too much and she almost couldn't breathe, hyperaware of every place they touched.

"What's a matter? Cat got your tongue?" he inclined his head, teeth flashing in a snarl. He gripped her chin roughly, forcing her to look him in the eye and she winced as his nails dug into her flesh. It reminded her of the way he clawed at the woman in bed. It reminded her that he used that hand to take the woman's life. "You seemed so chatty when you got here."

"I—" she didn't know what words were.

She felt his lips graze her jaw, something akin to a purr vibrating in the back of his throat. It made the hairs along her arms stand on edge and his warm breath fanned her neck, teasing the sensitive skin.

"You wanted me, didn't you?" he asked lowly. "Been looking for me?" his lips trailed up to her ear. "Well I'm right here. Tell me what you want."

"Did you kill her?" Penny breathed. It wasn't the first thing she wanted to say but it was the only coherent sentence she could get out.

Mister J pulled back, eyes half-lidded as he stared at her. She shifted under the intensity and found the look alone was answer enough. She nodded to herself.

"Okay," she whispered. She couldn't say she was surprised. "Okay, okay…" her mind was swarming and she only had room for so many emotions at once. "Why?" she found herself asking next.

Her voice was still breathy, probably as a result of how close he still was to her. She found she couldn't think straight when she felt his body heat, the undeniable scent of him along with the woman's sickly sweet perfume consuming her senses.

"She had something I wanted," he answered, voice light enough considering the poisonous look still lingering in his eyes. He pulled something free from one of his pockets and she noticed it was a set of silver keys. He tossed them onto the nearest purple chair and she stared after them for a second, in the back of her mind asking why he needed them and what they were for.

"And…" she swallowed. "And why did you…?" she left the question open, her stomach fluttering.

She saw a flash of pink as his tongue darted over his teeth before he clicked it against the bottom of his mouth.

"I got bored," he pouted. He leaned forward again until their foreheads were touching, tilting his head every which way as he maintained an eye contact with her she strained to meet. "You know what that's like, right doll?"

Penny didn't know how to respond. It's not like she was unfamiliar with sex but it was never something she associated with the Joker and it made everything shift now that she had to. Sometimes she was forgot he was a regular human being like everyone else, that he had a body with needs. She felt hot and she squirmed against the door, noticing with too much clarity the way his unbuckled pants rubbed against her abdomen.

When Mister J realized he wasn't going to get a response out of her, he put some space between them at last and Penny finally felt like she could breathe. The irritation was still clear in the stiff way he held his shoulders but he moved away from her nonetheless, still basking in the afterglow of his time with the woman—whether it was from the intimacy or the act of killing her, she really didn't know which made her squirm some more—to care much about her presence. He rolled his shoulders and craned his head until his neck cracked before he stepped into the living area where he poured himself another glass of whiskey. He downed it in two deep gulps before pouring another. Penny watched his throat work as he swallowed the burning liquid and she relaxed a bit against the door, worrying her bottom lip as she played with her fingers.

"Why me?"

The Joker didn't immediately acknowledge her question and she straightened her posture, no longer cowering against the door despite the tenseness in her jaw.

"Why me?" she repeated, a bold move. He tossed back the rest of the liquid, holding it in his mouth before rotating the glass in his hand contemplatively. "Of all the people you could've picked, why did it have to be me?"

Mister J bowed his head, staring down into the empty glass before casting her a sidelong look.

"You were convenient," he said, surprising her with a direct answer. "Easy."

Penny sucked on the inside of her cheek, her skin feeling like pins and needles all over.

"Why didn't you let him kill me?" she then asked. "Why did you save me?"

"Did you want to die?" Mister J evaded her question, giving her a pointed look. "Are you upset about it? Do you wish I hadn't?"

Penny floundered for a moment. "I had a normal life. A simple life."

"Normal," Mister J rolled his eyes, grinding his teeth. "Why is everyone so fucking held up on normal?"

"Why are people so against it?" she countered, brows taut. "There's nothing wrong with being normal."

"You wanna know what I think?" Mister J deflected, looking at her in such a way that suggested she wasn't going to like whatever he said next. He shifted his weight from one bare foot to the other, the muscles in his abdomen tensing. "I think you hated being normal. I think you were so fucked by society's standards of 'normalcy' that when I showed you a bit of the bad side, you started to like it," Penny immediately shook her head to deny that—why the fuck would he think that?—but he didn't let her object. "Why else would you come here? Knowing how dangerous it is, knowing that you can't beat me, knowing that I could do anything I wanted to you and you couldn't do shit to stop me. Why would you do that instead of staying in your normal life?"

Penny's mouth opened and closed.

"It's like I said, Pennywise," he cracked a wan grin, blood rep lips curling around silver teeth. "Once you get a taste, you keep wanting more. Just because you're a fuckin' genius with a fancy degree doesn't mean you're immune to it."

"Immune to what?" she choked, afraid of the answer.

His teeth glinted. "The thrill."

"Is that why you picked me?" Penny asked stiffly. "Because you were under the assumption that I'd become some adrenaline junkie? Because that's not me," she denied thickly. "That's not me at all."

"No," he drawled slowly, slinking towards her again while waving the empty glass around. "I recall saying it was because you were easy and convenient," a mirthless grin spread across his lips. "What, were you expecting me to say that I wanted to break you?" he stepped into her space again and she was backed into the door. "That I wanted to bend you and shape you and ruin you?" he caged her in with an arm on either side of her head, the scent of whiskey heavy on his breath as he bowed down to her, their hips kissing. "Destroy you? Hm?" his voice was smooth but dangerous like poisoned honey. "Is that the answer you were looking, Penny Weiss?"

Penny's lips opened in a silent gasp, his mouth hovering only inches from hers until they shared breath. His gaze was so intense, so shuddering, but she couldn't bring herself to look away. The air felt thick around them like it could be sliced with a knife and Penny felt like she was drowning. Her head was swimming, eyes sore from exhaustion, mind drained from the strain. She felt like she was collapsing into herself and having him wrapped around her like he was only magnified the feeling tenfold. Her brain swarmed like a whirlwind of air choking the life out of her and she needed to get away, get away fast before it swallowed her whole.

"I think," she whispered, voice frail and small, "I think that coming here was a mistake."

"Why's that?" Mister J asked, hand sliding up the door until there was hardly any space left between them.

"I'm still afraid," she told him.

"That's good," he said agreeably. "You should be. See, I've got a lot planned for you and me, Pennywise. The games aren't over yet," he remarked with a crooked smile. "But first thing's first…

… I'm getting my Queen back."

Holy crap. So this is officially the longest chapter I've ever written at over 14k words and honestly I did not plan for it happen that way. I was originally going to leave the Joker off this chapter and introduce this last bit in the next chapter but I'm hopeless when it comes to writing him and need him to be in every chapter for my own sanity. So there's that. There wasn't very much of him but hopefully what little bit there was, you enjoyed. And just to throw it out there, PennyxFrost moments are really starting to become some of my favorites. They're so much fun to write together. Love me some Frosty.

So this chapter was really sporadic and even though it was intentional I still feel like the execution was kind of sloppy. The layout was a lot better in my head so hopefully you guys aren't disappointed. I wanted this chapter to mainly focus on the aftereffects of the mission and how Penny was dealing with it. She's got a bit of PTSD going on and Mister J's starting to get inside her head and infect the way she thinks. I feel bad for her but at the same time it makes me so eager to just dive into the dark stuff. Which there's plenty more to come, I feel like we're just getting started. Heh. Also, if any of you are going HUH? over her talking about him saving her, yeah. Let's just say we're taking another blast into the past next chapter and all of that will be clarified. I know, right? Finally.

Thank you guys so much for your continued support! I still smile at all of your reviews no matter how in-dept or simple they are. I'm exhausted now so I'm going to take a long hot shower before crawling into bed. TGIF dude. Thanks again for all your favorites, follows and reviews! I'm sure there are some grammatical errors in this one but I'm way too tired to proofread so I apologize for that. Maybe I'll have time to make corrections tomorrow.

Until next time my lovelies! Stay evil xo