CHAPTER 20 - KINTSUGI, WHERE THE GOLD BREAKS

"And you're sure you don't want to come over for breakfast?"

I had my phone on my shoulder while talking to Seung Won. I glanced at the kitchen table where Jun Seo was reading. My eyes drifted over his shoulders, where I could see the muscles bunching under his t-shirt. I steeled myself. I have to stop. Jun Seo was still healing from Somalia. Of course I wanted to jump his bones all the time, but it was more important for him to be totally recovered.

"Alright, don't come over. We'll see you later." I turned to Jun Seo. "That was Seung Won. How was your doctor's visit?"

"This is quite possibly the most boring way to spend your time I imagine."

"Why would it be boring?" I grinned at him and ruffled his hair, which had grown longer, I had enough to play with. He turned back to his book. I loved the way his eyes scanned the pages, his lips moved along whenever he particularly like a passage. I loved these little details about Jun Seo, and I couldn't resist his mouth. Leaning in, I pressed my mouth against his and explored like it was my right.

"What was that for?"

"Because I could do it."

I turned back to the boiling pot on the stove and cracked an egg carefully into the liquid, each shell a perfect half split along the diameter. I suppose my long years at the Damiwon were useful for something.

When I turned around again, Jun Seo put his book away and helped me carry the pot to the table. I grabbed the chopsticks and stirred the steaming pot. When I pulled out the first strands of the noodles, he stopped me, his hands firm but gentle on my wrist, and yanked me into his lap.

"Aren't you hungry? Don't you want to eat?" I laughed, squealing as his cold hands found the bare skin between my t-shirt and jogging pants. He held my hips firmly because I was squirming.

"Does this remind you Hubaekje?" Lips brushing against the nape of my neck.

"What happened there?"

His hardness nudge up against me, and I felt a flicker of my arousal deep in my belly. I was in trouble. Oh Jun Seo, when you're close like this, I don't know how to control myself.

"I got injured."

"Ye."

"And you healed me." He nipped an earlobe.

"Yes." I exhaled hard and ragged. When Jun Seo held me like this, I felt like I was wrapped in a cocoon of him, his breath red hot against my neck, the heady musk of him everywhere. He was gentle, running his fingers through my hair and he tugged a fistful.

He continued to kiss at the base of my neck, hands wandering from my waist to my stomach. My joggers were so loose that his hand easily slid behind my waistband and over my underwear. His finger floated from top of my mound to my pussy, but he didn't enter me. I grinded myself into his hand.

"Oh."

I heard myself. I sounded like such a wanton woman. I suddenly remembered, Jun Seo was still healing.

"Stop. You can't do this, Jun Seo. You'll get too excited."

My face was flushed, stinging red and the warmth in my belly fully ignited. I felt hot and slick everywhere and softer and wetter by the minute as he stroked me through my underwear. His hands trailing lambent over my skin, his fingerpads straying over my underwear. His voice was gruff.

"Ha Jin, you are very wet."

He jerked my underwear to one side and his fingers plunged into my soaked core. I let out a silent scream.

"You know what happens when you make me feel like a man taken care of."

I could only whimper when he moved two fingers in and out of my slit. My panties were already sodden. He lifted me up with one arm and shucked everything off. I sat, bare cheeked, on his lap as he teased me. My ass grinding along with the feeling of him pleasuring me. My god. I couldn't think. My mind was mush. He sucked at the skin at the nape of my neck, our bodies panting together like a furnace billow. I could feel my heart pounding faster and faster, like my blood couldn't keep up. The only sound in the room was my breath and the sound of my wetness being fully utilized.

I pressed myself deeper into his hand, his fingers seizing claim all over my tender delta. The back of my head rested against his shoulder. Arching my back, I reached around and held on to Jun Seo's neck as he lavished attention on my clit. Every brush of his finger tips against my bundle nerves made me feel like little fireworks were going off behind my eyes.

His fingers were tender, but the difference of his skin against mine was still as vital and charged as ever. A fraction of centimeter in movement sent my brain into a fuzzy heaven. Nuzzling against my face, Jun Seo caught my open mouth. I welcomed his tongue sliding into my mouth. He tasted male, metallic, and like a flavor I could remember from a thousand years ago. Wang So. My prince. He was still there in Jun Seo, in the little things. I had missed him so much, and to find it again in Jun Seo was incredible. I wonder if I was the same to him, a mixture of both old and new. I wanted more. I wanted so much more. I sucked hungrily at his tongue, my lips urgent against his, and my teeth nipping all over. Kissing Jun Seo made me feel delirious, I was on fire.

"Ha Jin, the doctor said yesterday that I'm ready to resume normal activity."

"Oh!" I yelped when I felt his finger dive with a different angle, deep inside me, curving up wards and tickling my g-spot. I wanted him so much. I ached for Jun Seo. We'd been separated for so long and my body remembered him, responding to him like a sunflower lifting its head with the sun.

He grinned I and I could only smile weakly back, his eyes scanning me as he pumped his fingers inside me. Suddenly, he stopped. He scooped me up in his arms and set me back down on the chair. I looked up at him quizzically and watched as he knelt in front of me.

"Ha Jin, I've wanted to make love to you for so long." His voice was tight. "Since I got back, I've wanted to do nothing except this." He held my gaze, his hands caressing the side of my calves, gliding up to my knees. He kissed the tops of my knees and his hands pried them apart. I sucked in a sharp breath.

"Take off your shirt." He commanded. I nodded, unable to talk. I yanked off my t-shirt and I lost sight of him for a second when the shirt covered my face. But already, I felt my nipples tightening.

"Hold onto the chair."

Who was I? Jun Seo's voice had me in a spell and I could only obey. I gripped my hand down on the edge of the chair and nervously at Jun Seo. He splayed me, so that my leg were like an open book, and pulled my hips forward, and hoist each leg over his shoulders so that they dangled across. His mouth was nestled between my thighs. Hot and wet, his tongue started at my inner thigh, relentlessly going towards my center. I started shivering, I wasn't prepared for what he would do next.

Jun Seo's mouth, oh god. His hot mouth descended on my pussy, his lips engulfed my clit, bringing with it the shock of pleasure that made my body feel like it was going through an orgasmic lighting storm. He starting at the top and working his way down. I thrashed in the seat, my hips grinding up and down on his face. I was already so sensitive from him fingering me, nevertheless, he persisted. Kissing my lower lips, he lapped at my core, already liquid and hot, coaxing out my clit. I blushed when I realized how I was so aroused by hearing the sound of our bodies meeting in lurid detail, the wet sounds were pornographic. Jun Seo reached up and firmly squeezed my right breasts, pinching my nipples, a static spark of instant pain and pleasure.

"Stop moving, Ha Jin, or I'll stop."

His eyes were steely focused and I whimpered an affirmation. Satisfied, he leaned down again and this time his tongue licked from the bottom to the top of my slit and ended with a forceful thrust against my clit.

"Ah! Ah!"

"You like being wet for me, Ha Jin?"

I nodded, too dazed by my lust to know how to answer. He chuckled and went back torturing my clit with his tongue. I was trembling so much, I thought I would fall off. Jun Seo. If you keep doing this, I'm going to pass out. He sucked my tender bud, the heat of his mouth against my privates making a hot pudding mess. He fluttered his tongue against me and spun his tongue around my little pearl.

"Please, please, please." Jun Seo sent me soaring, I closed my eyes and felt the train of my orgasm pulling into the station. My hands dug through his hair and my mouth fell open at the sight of him laying claim all over my cunt. The way he looked at me thrilled me. I felt the spasm deep within me starting, a wave of feelings and wetness came rushing forth. I felt lifted on a tide. I nearly passed out, crying out for Jun Seo over and over again.

When I clung to the chair, my arms quaking and I buckled, but he easily caught me. When I opened my eyes again, Jun Seo took off his shirt and jeans, and he stook naked and regal in front of me. His penis stood at attention, and I felt my mouth go dry. Jun Seo was as large as I remembered Wang So to be, and I remember how our love making would leave me feeling like a fruit peel, raw and scraped to the finish. He reached down to his cock and stroked himself, his eyes raking me from my face down to my still splayed thighs. His eyes glazed over as he pumped himself in his hands. My eyes drank him in like a greedy girl, hands wandering down to the stickiness between my thighs.

I hadn't see him naked in such a long time. It was such bullshit that people said women weren't aroused, they hadn't seen Jun Seo. I forgot how much looking at me made tingle with excitement everywhere. He was built so lean, but his shoulders were broad, leading to his slim waist, and narrow hips. His abs were perfect ladders up the front of his body, my fingers could climb each muscle to his wide chest. I felt bad for all the jajangmyeon I had been eating lately. The veins in the cuts by his hips pulsed. I stared as his cock. Standing up, I shakily got to my feet, my hands smoothing against his abdominal muscles up to his chest. I glanced down at his cock, thick with veins, pressing into my stomach. The muscle was so thick, round, and the firm bell head was engorged with blood.

"Do you want me?" He held my face, his eyes searching for my answer. I almost laughed. How did he not know how much I wanted him.

"Yes. More than anything."

Jun Seo used the back of his hands to graze against my breasts down to my hips. Arriving at my ass, he cupped each cheek with a firm squeeze. I had forgotten how we were. How his body fitted around me, how he felt hot like fire, but he was gentle like true love. How could I ever forget, the way that Wang So and I couldn't get enough of each other constantly after Hubaekjae.

Reaching up, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my nipples against his chest. He gripped me right below my ass and hitched me up to his hips. Walking us back over, we landed with our positions reversed, he sitting and me straddle his lap and facing him in the same chair that was now my favorite chair in the entire apartment.

"Jun Seo, I love you."

He answered me with silence, holding the back of my neck, he crushed his mouth against mine, sucking my air away. His tongue took over my mouth, it wasn't mine anymore, it was partially his. I was a breathless, heaving creature, clinging onto his shoulders. Traveling up and down my back, he gripped my hips tight, fingers at the perfect angle. He was intense and quiet when he shifted so that his cock was lined up at my entrance. I stared at how close it was to my pussy, the swollen head leaking precum. I pressed down on his shoulder, gripping the muscles there and gazed at his face.

"I want you so much." I chewed on my lower lips and I saw his eyes stray from my eyes to my mouth. He loved it when I bit my lip, something about it made Jun Seo's eyes dilate. I leaned down and kissed him deeply, my teeth coming together to bite his lower lip, my tongue darting into his mouth. When I lifted myself up and impaled my wetness onto his cock, Jun Seo groaned.

"Fuck. Ha Jin."

I lowered myself, little by little, bracing myself against the chair. Jun Seo's eyes widened in shock at our union. When I was finally fully seated on him, I used my thighs and bounced, sliding myself up and down.

"So hot. God, you're so wet. Ha Jin. What are you doing to me?"

He held onto me, capturing my nipple between his teeth. I yelped in pain. It was almost painful, but a sharp stab of pleasure was there too. His one hand gripped my ass to hold me steady, but the other wandered everywhere, coasting up to my neck.

"Ha Jin!" His voice was strangled when I increasing my speed around him. "I won't last very long."

"That's alright, darling." I felt wild, sweat collecting at my hairline and the base of my neck, the beads of salty liquid trailing between my breasts. Jun Seo saw and he immediately licked off my sweat, his mouth tracking hot along my neck, up to my jaw. I rode him like he was my racehorse. His eyes blinked slowly, like he was trying to memorize my face. If there were an explosion in the same apartment, I don't think we would have noticed. I screwed my eyes shut and tipped my head back, giving myself over. I didn't ever want to stop.

I felt myself being lifted up, I gripped tighter around Jun Seo's neck, yelping in surprise. My eyes snapped open, and I was looking over his shoulder. He was still inside me when he moved towards the bedroom. His hands firmly supporting my bottom, I gasped because he didn't stop pumping into me.

Once we were finally on his bed, Jun Seo set me down in the middle of the bed. When he landed on top of me, I sighed in relief, the weight of my man on me was something I missed more than sex, the solid weight of his body, the reassurance that he was real. He tried to move up, but I wrapped my arms tighter.

"Don't."

"Ha Jin, let me."

His mouth was incredible, trailing kisses from my belly button to my ribs, where I was ticklish. My spine arched and he followed my ribs to my breasts. Sucking on one nipple, he didn't play favorites and alternated back and forth until both were slippery and aching.

"Jun Seo. Oh god." I felt a hand make its way down to my pussy again. He abandoned his post at my tits. Instead, he pressed my knees back until I was bent in half, my pussy offered up to him like a pearl on oyster. Beads of sweat started collecting on my forehead. I don't know why I was so nervous. I clenched with anticipation. I watched the ripples of muscle across his shoulder when he settled against my womanhood.

"This is mine." He gave me a cocky grin before lowering his mouth. I knew why he looked that way, because as soon as his lips made contact with my clit, I nearly lost my mind. I let a long banshee scream because once Jun Seo's tongue started lapping at my little pearl, it was relentless. The strokes were easy and slow at first, but Jun Seo kept varying his rhythm until he found one that provoked the right reaction. I felt a new flood of wetness leak out of me. I got on my the back of my elbows and begged Jun Seo.

"What are you doing?"

"I wanted you to be ready." He grinned at me, and sat back. "I'm want to fuck you deeper and harder than before."

He rose up and pushed my legs far apart, almost into a split. I shuddered as he looked directly at the point when his cock pushed inside me again. I stared too. It felt so naked, to watch his thick cock pummeling my softness, the length of him disappearing deep inside me, I couldn't look away. I couldn't get enough, my hands kept reaching out to draw Jun Seo closer. His hot skin against me, we were both slick with sweat now. His body was the only thing I wanted to feel. I wanted him in me, all the time. His solid weight atop my body, I wanted to take him in, as deep as I could. I wanted his sweat to drop on me. I wanted him to drill into me so deep that I could see the stars of Goryeo. We made love so many times in Goryeo.

It was like he heard the rambling thought flying through my brain, because Jun Seo folded up my legs against his chest and drove into me a single time, as hard as his intentions.

"Oh God! Jun Seo!"

Did I see god? It certainly felt like it.

I felt him in the far reaches of my womb, oh god. He was so hard. So full. Hands like steel gripped my shoulders from below, he used my upper body as leverage so I couldn't move away from his deep thrusts. I was tucked in half, like an an obedient maiden, at the mercy of his cock. He drove into me over and over again. The ramming came hard and fast. I loosened my grap on his bicep, I was more liquid than solid. His head ducked down and he took a nipple in his mouth, sucking and nipping until I was sure I was going to be raw in the morning. There was no end to it. There was no end to us. He thrusted and I received. He was hard and I was softer and wetter than I had ever been in my life.

I whimpered every time I was filled with Jun Seo. I missed him so much. His breath becomes short. He hooked his knees outside my legs and drove himself deeper.

"Oh," I breathed, "that's the best."

"Oh God, Ha Jin." His voice was as tight as me. He was so hard.

"I've never forgotten you, Ha Jin. I remembered you every day of my life in Goryeo. I remembered you in Africa. In Azerbaijan. I've spent every lifetime trying to come back you."

I gasped. I threw my head back, like his words wounded me, but these words were like spun gold. I felt like I was dissolving into a shining mist.

"Jun Seo," I reached out and touched his face, where the scar used to be. He shuddered and pressed his head into my hand. His eyes were incredible. They saw me in a way no one had ever seen me before. He looked at me like I was the most precious thing in the universe, rarer than a red star. The softness there, the openness, the blazing focus that he always had when he looked at me.

I blinked and I saw Wang So. I blinked again and I saw Jun Seo.

He was all of those incarnations, but most of all he was my soldier and my prince. The organ inside my chest swelled, I felt like I would choke on the love I felt for him. I was loved. I was so loved.

"Jun Seo, my love." I held his face and kissed him, trying to make him understand how I would give myself to him as many lifetimes as I needed to. "My love. I will never leave you."

He had a lopsided smile on his face when I made my confession to him, but I saw the corner begin to tug down.

"I made so many mistakes before, Ha Jin. I lost you. I don't know what I will ever do if I lose you again."

"No, Jun Seo. I won't let you."

"Ha Jin. I want to spend my life with you."

He didn't wait for me to answer, instead his hips started moving again. I held on for dear life as he held the back of my knees to my chest as he pumped into me. My hands wandered to his ass and I felt the powerful muscles there, tight and sprung, powering his body into me. I clung to him. Jun Seo, my love, believe me when I say that I love you. Suddenly, I saw my death as clear as day. The sorrow of dying without seeing Wang So. The way Jung's eyes were impossibly sad when he held me as the musicians sang my last song. I remembered for the briefest moment before death the court musicians said Gwangjong had loved a court lady. That court lady was me and I never wanted to leave him. I wanted Wang So so much. I felt a stuffiness in my chest beginning to gather, I gazed up at Jun Seo. It was all so impossible, but here we were again.

The unbearable sadness of parting with Wang So and elation of being with Jun Seo filled my head and I felt myself falling apart. I felt the floodgates open and suddenly, my chest heaved erratically and I was crying. My tears wouldn't stop coming. I tasted the salt everywhere. These emotions felt like wild horses in a rainstorm, I couldn't stop them, they would drag me away.

"Ha Jin, baby. Are you okay?"

He was so tender with me. I smiled and reached up to stroke his cheek. I loved him so much. And we were as close as man and woman could be, but I still felt the thousand years between Jun Seo and me. The emptiness of being without him, I don't think I've ever truly accepted a life without him. Jun Seo had been through this in more life times than I did. I thought about him, living each life with the memory of me, wondering who I was, wishing that he could talk to me. The impossibility of that longing gutted me. I could only vaguely fathom the years that he cycled through in his reincarnations to find me again.

"I-I-I just know that I can't ever be apart from you again." I managed to get out. His thumb wiped away my tears.

I came three times and by the end, I begged Jun Seo for mercy because I felt so raw. I was like a mango skin scraped to the the last bit, completely limp. I felt like I had no bones, well except for Jun Seo's obvious one. He laid alongside me, my back to his chest, his fingers leisurely tracing my body. Dragging his fingertips lightly, like they were the explorers of a geography they already knew, but were more than happy to be more than tourists this time around. His hands were still rough from the jungle, skin hardened and shaped by things I couldn't imagine. He ran so hot. His skin burning against mine and his rough thumb grasped my hips and drew me close again.

"Ha Jin."

"Mmm." My eyes were closed as he wrapped his arms around me and twisted my nipples. Arching my back, I could feel my ass graze against his erection again, it laid neat and heavy against the cleft of my butt. His left arm was trapped under my rib cage but his right arm was free to wander. And it did. Insistent and curious, his right hand smoothed down my belly down to where my legs joined. I was trapped. His left hand bound me against his chest and his right curled around my pussy. I felt one finger dip inside me, stroking lightly and moving my fluids all over my vulva.

"Aiiishhh." I hissed in excitement. I was still sore from our last round and my privates still felt like hot sticky pudding, but my body sprung to attention again. We could both hear how wet I was by the way his fingers slipped in and out of me. Lifting my leg, his cock stroked along where I was the wettest. I whined.

"Please. Please."

He replaced his fingers with his hard cock, plunging deep into me again. I got onto my belly and Jun Seo followed. He held my hips and I got on all fours. I looked back at him, watching how he lined up his hips with my ass, using his the tip of his cock to trace the outside of my pussy. I grabbed the pillow and bit it, making a muffled scream. I could feel my pussy pulsing already, anticipating his entrance. Jun Seo crawled up to where I was, and filled me again, and my back arched up. From the back, he was so much fuller. I cried out. His hands on my hips like a vice, slamming his cock into my pussy, faster and faster.

"Ha Jin, I'm gonna come."

I nodded. He let go of my hips and came forward, wrapping his hands over mine. He hooked his face over my shoulders so that we were cheek to cheek. his face was next to mine, meeting my mouth, and when I whispered to him, "Come for me." He lost it. His hips jerked wildly against my ass and I felt the hot liquid spill all over me. I clenched around him. I felt my knees buckle and I collapsed on to the bed, Jun Seo with me. He spooned me, hands on my belly, stroking softly.

"When I was away, did you think about me, Ha Jin?" He whispered to the shell of my ear.

"So much, I thought about you every night." I turned around and kissed him again. When I opened my eyes opened again, I remembered something I wanted to give him.

"Stay here." I grinned as he shook his head adamantly. "I'll be right back."

I padded to the kitchen, I'm sure my hair was a bird's nest, but Jun Seo didn't care. He said he liked the way I looked after sex. In the back of one cabinet, I found what I was looking for and I held the precious thing in my hand.

"What's this?" He said, taking the cup in his hand and turning it over carefully.

I traced the cracks in the ceramic, bound by gold, and it reminded me of the scar that was on Wang So's face. The dull glaze of the porcelain still shone against the brilliant gold.

"I know we were broken. But your love, through those hundreds of lifetimes, mended us. We're like this now, stronger and even more beautiful than ever. We are not the same Jun Seo, but we're better than before." I smiled down at him.

He sighed, one great sigh that sounded like he had been underwater for years.

"Ha Jin. I was not me until we met."

He kissed me again and again and again.

**Author's note: Drop me a line, would love to know what you think! All questions and comments are welcomed. Here's exactly what Kintsugi means:
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