Disclaimer: Kubo has dibs on Bleach, not me.

CHAPTER 1 – A BEGINNING MAY BE DIFFICULT

"This is your entire fault Kurosaki! If you hadn't been pawing at me like some desperate mutt, none of this-"

Ichigo drowns out Ishida's voice; months of practise had made him an expert on the concept, heck he could write a book on all the thoughts that his attention could stray to instead of having to suffer through the superior-than-thou tone of his boyfriend.

Not that he would ever actually write the book, considering he couldn't even complete his assignments on time.

Ah well.

At least he could list what he'd write about in his mind. Like protecting society, his Mom, keeping Jinta away from Yuzu, beating Tatsuki in a spar, his Mom, demolishing his Dad in a spar (with extra humiliation), demolishing hollows, coming up with as many jokes to mock Rukia's affliction of being a midget...especially with Renji around.

Hmm, demolish is a nice word.

The Shinigami's ever present scowl softens into a smirk as his mind ventures into an anthology of ideas, losing himself in his boredom.

However, this happens to be a mistake as Ishida pauses mid rant to fix him with a stare so full of disdain that his father would have been proud...'would' being the keyword. Because having a son who is known for having fits of near-manic sewing marathons isn't someone to be proud of. The fact that said son resides in the home of a Shinigami doesn't help matters. This is strengthened by the fact that the young Quincy also resides in the Shinigami's bed. So much for Ryuuken telling his one and only child to stay away from all Shinigami, kids these days.

"You weren't even paying attention?! Why do I even bother, everything I say goes through one ear and out of the other – but wait – it doesn't even go in in the first place considering your stupidity acts as a barrier. That hollow would make a better boyfriend than you." Ishida finishes, mumbling the final phrase in angered dismay.

Now a trickle of guilt enters Ichigo's conscience as he eyes Ishida's exhausted frame and overly pale complexion, the Quincy had been helping out Isshin with the surgery and paperwork, opting to work as an apprentice rather than at the hospital with Ryuuken. Evidently the rotating shifts and over achieving attitude were taking their toll.

He opens his mouth, preparing to say something comforting with an apology tacked on but a jeering tone fills his head before he can do so.

Ya hear that King? He'd rather have me instead of you. Once you take over the role of Horse I'll get an extra bonus. Seems as though I'll be coming out on top soon, if ya know what I mean.

An eyebrow twitches.

Thankfully Ichigo manages to ignore the presence (just barely) and goes on ahead with his profound apology.

"Sorry"

Tch, that's it? Ya dumbass.

"I mean," Ichigo hastily adds "I'll take some of the blame, it's not like you meant to mix up the prescription letters. I'm sure it's no big deal, dad does it every now and then." Ishida taps his foot impatiently. "Okay! I know I know, I shouldn't have kept you up all night, I'll restrain myself better next time!" He edges closer, arms raised in surrender.

"You looked cute in my t-shirt though, how was I supposed to not be tempted?" Ichigo tacks on, smiling now.

Ishida scoffs, but the Shinigami could tell from the telltale blush that he was getting flustered.

"I'm always wearing your t-shirts Kurosaki; don't use that as an excuse."

"Yeah, but it was the bright purple one with a cat wearing a buttoned sweater. And here I thought you despised it." Finally close enough, he draws Ishida into a hug, resting his chin on the inky strands and rubbing his back tenderly. "You should sleep in early, that way you'll feel better and get more rest."

"It's 5, that's way too early, anyway, Kurosaki-san gave me the day off tomorrow" He drew his arms behind Ichigo's neck and pulled him close for a moment before letting go. "Weren't you supposed to help out Tatsuki with her Karate Classes today?" He grabbed Ichigo's hand and pulled him out of the bedroom and into the hallway.

"I'm sure she'll be fine" came the answering reply in a dismissive manner "Don't you think its weird calling both me and dad 'Kurosaki' Uryuu, we've been together for a year, you know? "

"I do call you by your first name"

Before Ichigo could open his mouth and dissolve into an argument from saying something undoubtedly stupid, they hear loud knocking. Considering it was just the two of them at home (with the girls being at extra-curricular clubs and Isshin at a meeting) Ichigo made his way down and opened the door.

"Why the hell are you knocking? There's a doorbell right he – you!" He scowled down at Jinta, who scowled just as deeply in return. "Yuzu isn't here, and even if she was I wouldn't let her anywhere near you, you damn brat."

Jinta looked like he was going to yell obscenity in return but managed to hold it in. Instead, he turned around and pulled forward what looked like a giant pram and pushed it towards Ichigo. Reaching into his jacket's pocket he pulled out a creased pink envelope.

"Urahara wishes you a happy late 18th birthday as well as an early birthday to Ishida. And gives this gift that he has put much effort into" Now he looked as though he was barely containing his laughter. "Congratulations and have fun orange dipshit!" He hollered over his shoulder as he ran away.

Ichigo scowled in confusion, his birthday had been 4 months ago and Ishida's was in 3 days. But what was with the envelope and giant pram, couldn't Urahara come on Ishida's birthday and give it then? And what's with the congratulations?

He pulled the pram into the house and into the living room, only to jump in surprise at a sudden wailing sound coming from the pram. He pushed the top off and winced as the wailing amplified.

What the fuck?!

Oh man, what's this? The hollow asked gleefully.

Ishida walked into the room from the kitchen, wiping his hands on a towel. He gazed past Ichigo's frozen figure and at the pram "What's with the screaming Kuro- Oh?"

The wailing came to a halt. Ishida peered into the pram - and came face to face with an orange, black and white haired trio. The white haired one looked uninterested and kept quiet, whilst its black haired counterpart slept soundly. The orange haired one started to babble in recognition as sapphire met sapphire, reaching out its tiny hands to grip at the Archer's hair. When Ishida withdrew from the container so did the baby.

"Mamma" it cooed happily, bringing Ichigo out from his shock.

"What the hell is this?" he choked out.

"Why don't you read that letter you have in your hand" replied Ishida as he continued staring perplexed at the bundle in his arms.

Hands shaking a bit, Ichigo wondered why he was so unnerved. Maybe because those kids - they resembled Uryuu and himself so much. He had a sneaking suspicion as to why they did so and smoothed out the letter, struggling to remember when he had taken it out of the pink envelope.

My beloved Uryuu...and Ichigo

I'm guessing you're very surprised and confused at the moment? Hahaha, not to worry, I shall explain everything to you.

It started out this one afternoon, I kept thinking about Mayuri, Nemu and Ururu (No not like that, that's just wrong) and decided that I should create a new life form, so *tada* I realised that I could manipulate enough reiatsu from two people do some science/alchemy shizz and create a life form. Eh, your birthday had just passed Ichigo and I knew yours is still coming up Uryuu so I gathered your reiatsu and did what I had to do to bring forth another phase to your relationship: Parenthood! Congratulations!

I've already named the three boys so you'd feel guilty if you try giving them back (No refunds! Looking at you Ichigo -_-)...and because I made them that means I get to name them.

White = Jun (I found it ironic to call him this haha, he's far from 'obedient') Orange = Shirou (from some sword/magic visual novel I was reading, you can't change this) Black = Masato (I figured you'd like a name similar to your mothers Ichigo)

It also feels good to be the creator of my new subjects (and to shove this in Mayuri's face!). Praise me or face the consequences. Such as me getting them to acknowledge that I'm their real father figure hahaha! It would be a real shame for you if I stole your title Ichigo... ;)

Just so you know, I've sped up their growth rate to exactly the age of 18 months, I made sure to show them your reiatsu as well so they're able to familiarise with you, this makes things much easier for the two of you. Hmm, I'm forgetting something - oh right - I also taught them a few words and purposely manoeuvred certain characteristics. I hope you're pleased with the fruits of my labour. (I'm sure you are) Okay? Nice.

No need to thank me! (But if you really want to, I have a few experiments to try out on a certain special Shinigami~)

Uncle Urahara (ooh alliteration) ;)

Ichigo's fists shook with rage as he passed the letter to Ishida and walked in the direction of the door; the Quincy stared at him in alarm and tried to speak.

Ohohoho, nice! That Jun one takes after his father real well, ya know...me. The hollow began to cackle wildly.

Ichigo had shunpoed to a certain someone's shop before Ishida could get the first syllable of his name out.

/

A/N: I'm not really sure where I'm going with this but I have a few more ideas to write about. I almost made this an actual Mpreg but I couldn't take it seriously enough, besides, the idea of clone children gives me MGS vibes. And yep, Ichigos dumb enough not to realise that a pram usually contains a baby xD

(Bullshit clone explanation is bullshit from ooc Urahara*teehee*.)