WHELP. It took a whole year and a pandemic, but I'm back! ENDLESS apologies for my prolonged absence. I didn't intend to me gone this long. I toyed with this chapter a lot through the year but ultimately I just needed a break to restore my creativity.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed, favrotied, followed or just popped into my messages to see if I was okay. It is so greatly appreciated. I'm posting review replies for that last chapter over on my DRRR tumblr. Link in my bio! I will try to do this for every chapter from here on so don't be shy with your reviews! Constructive criticism is always welcome.

I won't draw this out anymore. Thanks again for your patience and enjoy the chapter!

Tamina excused herself to the bathroom. She gripped the sink and her nostrils flared as she took a long breath through the nose. Her lips puckered and cheeks hollowed as she exhaled the breath out of her mouth while she looked herself harshly in the mirror. She hoped the running faucet would drown out the sound of her breathing exercises. She couldn't cry anymore. She just didn't have it in her. She wanted a moment of peace. A moment of clarity. That's what she needed desperately in this moment. Clarity.

What was happening? Why was everything falling apart again?

She recalled her first meeting with Shizuo. She remembered thinking he seemed so quiet and reserved. Sweet and respectful. Even after the initial scare he had caused her, he seemed so sincere in his claim that he didn't want to be violent. Yet he seemed to contradict this fact at every pivotal opportunity. In fact, he seemed to thrive on violence and outrageous outbursts when a more calm mind he claimed he had would demand peace and silence. The walking contradiction she knew him to be was still ever present. The nature of which was much darker than she ever could have imagined. Was it possible that he was just as twisted as Izaya? She knew his intentions were better than Izaya's, but how could she possibly open up to him the way he wanted her to if she was terrified of what he could do? Terrified of him...

Her thoughts turned sharply to Izaya. The time they had spent together before all of this. His appearance at every junction in her adult life. Even his directions today. Telling her to come here and find Celty. All just small notes in a much greater symphony, she realized. And she was but one instrument in an orchestra, she knew... The orchestra he was conducting...

Chaos. This was controlled chaos. The kind that Izaya thrived on. As far as she knew, this wasn't even the thick of it. To her dismay, she was once again exactly where he wanted her. Right in the middle of his mess. Her instincts tugged at each other. Should she stay and wait for word on Akane? Would that play into Izaya's hands and the greater scheme? Or should she get the hell out of here? Perhaps find her friends. Erika or Kyohei? Though she knew they had their own problems right now... What about Shizuo? Should she call him or was everything between them a lost cause at this point? She felt hopeless. Lost in every aspect.

Her thoughts were suddenly broken when her ears picked up a voice outside. A sweet, little voice. She listened a moment more just to be sure but her heart filled with joy when she recognized the sound. Everything was pushed to the back of her mind as she flung the bathroom door open and quickly made her way toward that voice in the living room.

"Akane!" She couldn't help but exclaim when she saw the girl, rushing over to embrace her in a hug.

Akane bit back tears and returned the hug eagerly. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" She proclaimed.

Tamina shook her head and scooped the girl up in her arms. "Everything is fine now." She assured her.

Akane clung to her, wrapping her arms around her neck, burying her face. Tamina held her close and gently rubbed her back for comfort."Is mommy mad at me?" She asked as she sobbed into her shoulder.

"No, she isn't mad." Tamina assured her, hugging her tight. "She's terrified. She thought she lost you."

"Thank you for all your help." Shiki told Shinra and Celty with a respectful bow.

Tamina postured and tried to do the same, adjusting her grip on Akane, unwilling to let her go. "Thank you so much Celty." She told her friend. "I knew you'd be able to help."

Celty's body language seemed almost bashful as she waved them off.

They took the elevator to the ground floor. The ride in the small quarters was tight and silent with Mr. Shiki and his men. Tamina instinctively rocked a bit and rubbed Akane's back. The girls crying had quieted but she still clung to her. Finally a 'ding' at the ground floor.

They exited the building and approached the waiting cars. Tamina stopped briefly to adjust Akane's weight, hoisting the child up further on her hip and readjusting her arms. Shiki and the men didn't seem to notice and walked on. One of the men approached the back of the car and opened the door for them. Tamina caught sight of something in her peripheral and her head snapped to look at the fast moving object. Something that had been thrown at them. Though she couldn't readily identify the object in that brief moment, the threat became immediately apparent. Instinctively she pivoted her body away and clutched Akane close.

"Shiki!" Was all she managed to shout in warning.

Then there was a bang! A horrible, ear piercing bang. The impact was like nothing Tamina had ever felt. There was a jolt to her whole body. Every sense firing off at once. It was as if lightning itself had struck right on top of her. Then nothing but white with the loud sound of ringing. Her senses were overwhelmed. She fell to her knees and writhed on the ground, yet she desperately clung to the small body she held. While the world around her was distorted, she tried to use Akane to ground her.

What the hell was that? Some kind of flash grenade? She was mildly thankful she had seen it. If she hadn't seen it coming, she might have taken the full force of it without anticipation as the men had.

Just when some sense was returning and her vision started to stabilize, her body was roughly jerked by the force of someone trying to rip Akane from her arms. Akane squealed and clung to her but the two were easily overpowered in their stunned state. Tamina felt her panic resurface full force as she felt Akane torn away from her.

Their assailant quickly made off with the child. Tamina desperately pushed her body off the ground to give chase. Her attempt seemed futile though, a mix of lingering disorientation and panic causing her to stumble and fall flat on her chest with a hard grunt. "Akane!" She shouted after in desperation as their assailant tossed the girl onto their motorcycle and began to flee the scene.

Again Tamina willed herself to stand. She could barely feel the pain from her previous fall. Barely felt the burn in her chest for breath or the horrible ringing in her ears. On shaky legs she finally stood and ran wildly. The bike was nearly out of site by now but she didn't care. In adrenaline fueled delirium she ran. "Akane!" She screamed. "Akane!"

The bray of a horse. In this crazy moment, it brought her back to the first night she spent in Ikebukuro. When the doors or Russia Sushi had been flung open and the odd, otherworldly sound and floated in. Now she knew what that sound meant.

"Celty!" Tamina belted to the rider as she rode up to her.

Celty quickly presented her phone. "Get on!"

Without hesitation, Tamina climbed on the back of the bike and clung to her supernatural friend. She was a bit startled when a thick shadow swirled around her head, which shifted into a helmet. Before she could think about it the bike let out another loud whinny and they sped off to pursue Akane yet again.

They weaved through traffic with blinding speed. Tamina held tight and sometimes had to close her eyes to ease her nerves. As hard as they tried though, they couldn't catch up with the kidnapper. Soon Celty heard the familiar sound of police sirens and had to get off the main road.

Tamina looked anxiously over the railing of the building they stood atop. "We'll never be able to see her from up here." She complained.

"I know its a long shot," Celty typed. "But I have to lay low for a bit. This cop really has it out for me."

"You're a magical fairy. Can't you just make him, like, disappear or something?" She asked impatiently.

"Uhm. No." Celty replied. "We don't do that."

"Well can't you try?!"

After a brief moment, Celty typed. "...No."

It was then that Tamina caught herself and reeled in her attitude. "I'm sorry Celty." She said in a sigh. "I didn't mean to be rude to you."

Celty shrugged and laid a sympathetic hand on her shoulder. "It's okay. I understand you're stressed." She typed. "We're going to get Akane home safe, trust me." She assured.

Tamina nodded, though not quite convinced.

"Also," Celty went on to Tamina's surprise. "I don't mean to be intrusive but, I heard that you and Shizuo are going through a rocky patch. Im sure that that doesn't make things easier..."

Tamina fought the grimace that the subject nearly provoked. "We needed some time apart. That's all." She tried to dismiss.

"I know he can be abrasive at times," Celty went on to her dismay. "Especially when matters with Izaya are concerned..."

Even without a voice to give inflection, Tamina could clearly hear the tone in her text. She sighed heavily. "What has he told you?" She asked.

Celty shrugged. "He seems to think he's competing for your love with Izaya. Is that true?"

"No." Tamina couldn't hold in her immediate protest.

"Then why does he feel that way?" Celty asked.

Tamina fell quiet in contemplation. There were a few reasons that she could think of. She felt that she could explain them if she were given the chance. At that thought though, she realized she had had many chances.

"Izaya is a completely separate issue from my relationship with Shizuo. And it has nothing to do with what's going on between us right now." She tried to defend.

"Are you sure about that?"

"I am."

"Well, even so," Celty typed. "That's not something you can expect Shizuo to understand." Celty explained. "They've had bad blood for years. Long before you came into the picture."

"I understand that..." She tried to jusify.

Celty's quick typing cut her off. "With all due respect, you clearly don't. The hatred between them is a powerful force. One that I'm not sure you understand the gravity of. This whole city has felt it's fury on more than one occasion."

"That has nothing to do with what's going on now. I heard that Shizuo killed someone today. I've seen first hand how out of control he gets. His ourbursts have almost gotten me killed! Twice!"

Celty seemed to think on that. "I don't think Shizuo really killed someone..."

"But you're not sure." Tamina pointed out. "I can believe in him as much as I want but until his actions match his words-"

Celty's typing cut her off. "One might say that same thing about you..."

Tamina let out a frustrated breath. "Then what should I do?" She demanded.

"The right thing." Celty typed right away.

Tamina's gaze fell to the ground at that saddening thought.

"I know it may be hard." Celty went on. "I know you care about him. And don't get me wrong," She clarified. "I don't think either of you are bad people. I'm not saying you're not right for each other... You might not believe me but I've had some experience with love. Sometimes, all the pieces are there, but the timing just isn't right... I think you and Shizuo really do want to be better for each other, but you both still have a lot of growing to do. You have to be the kind of person you want yourself to be, before you can give yourself to someone else. You can't just expect another person to fix you. You'll just hurt each other more that way."

Celty's words struck Tamina. She remembered the night of the hot pot party. The first night she and Shizuo had been intimate together. His words resounded in her head. 'You make me better.' She wanted to believe that with her whole heart. What's more, she thought it was something she could reciprocate with ease. To be better for someone. She realized with sadness though that that had not been the case. The haze of infatuation and lust had blinded both of them, but hadn't been enough to bring their words to fruition. Shizuo wasn't a better, less violent person because of her, and she wasn't a more honest or happy person because of him. It was just a fog. Something transparent and temporary, compared to their greater conflicts. With each other and within themselves.

With her prolonged silence, Celty felt compelled to begin typing again. "I'm sorry." She apologized. "I'm not trying to make things worse..."

"No, it's fine." Tamina replied in a shakier voice than she meant to, trying to keep her emotions at bay. "You're right. If we want to be together we both have to change. And maybe that's not something either one of us can do right now..."

"You're both going to be okay." Celty assured her.

Tamina nodded. "Thank you, Celty."

It hadn't been what Tamina wanted to hear, but she realized it was indeed something she needed to hear.

They waited ontop of that building for what seemed like forever. Tamina had given up watching the traffic below and sat down. She hugged her knees and finally decided to sift through her thoughts.

Shizuo. He was quite possibly the sweetest man she'd ever met. Every time she shared intimate space with him her heart felt so full. She'd never felt more loved. And yet, his violence over shadowed it all. His wild outburst and unchecked rage had left her weak in the legs and shaken to the core on many occasions. Even if he hadn't actually killed someone today, as Cetly suspected, Tamina had so easily believed it. Even now she wasn't entirely sure. What did that ultimately say about her feelings toward him? The fear he still provoked...

Izaya. That idiot. That uncontrollable force that presented itself time and time again in her life. Like inertia, no matter how many times she spun him away, he found his way back. Or was she pulling him back every time? He had a hand in all of this, it was obvious to her now. He'd test her time and time again and claim it was love. No doubt he had helped push her and Shizuo apart, and would continue to push her farther and farther from the things she wanted, all for a show he could appreciate.

They both frustrated her to no end. They both couldn't see the stubbornness is their rivalry and would let it destroy her without a second thought. They both may be terrible for her, she realized. But despite all of that, why did the idea of losing both of them break her heart?

Suddenly Celty's frantic movements broke Tamina's thoughts. She was about to question when a loud bray startled her. Celty's 'bike' took it's natural form of a headless horse, climbing up the side of the building with ease and leaped toward them. Tamina couldn't contain her surprise at the sight of the unnatural creature, gasping and backing away nervously.

Celty flailed her arms then quickly typed. "Sorry but we don't have time for this! We have to go!"

Again, Celtys shadows manifested around Tamina's head, forming a helmet. Then Tamina was startled further when the shadows wrapped around her and tugged her toward Celty. Shooter changed form, back into the bike Tamina was familiar with and she was plopped on the back. Celty subsequently climbed on and took off.

It all happened so fast. Tamina was in a mild shock. Obviously Celty had caught sight of something worth pursuing but in the haze of confusion Tamina couldn't work out what was about to happen. She realized with horror that Celty was ready to take off, speeding her bike toward the edge of the building.

"Celty!" Tamina exclaimed in terror. "Celty! Celty, wait!" She demanded in vain.

Her protests fell on deaf ears. No ears at all technically, given the nature of her supernatural friend. Celty drove the bike off the edge and speed down the side of the building. Tamina belted an ear piercing scream. It was like the sensation that came with the first long drop of a roller coaster. Her stomach fell and a tickling sensation rocked her core. She clung to Celty as she screamed, unsure if she would survive this horrifying moment.

She was safer than she knew though. Celty manifested and thick shadow and had wrapped it around their waists several times, securing Tamina tightly to herself and the bike. When they approached the bottom Celty guided Shooter to bound off the building, landing them safely on the ground. Once she realized she was still alive, Tamina peaked from Celty's shoulder, letting out a hard, relieved breath.

"You okay?" Celty showed Tamina her phone.

"I almost peed." Tamina admitted.

"Sorry about that." Celty apologized.

"What's going on?" Tamina demanded.

"Shizuo..." Is all Celty typed.

With that Tamina's attention was drawn to a loud banging sound. It was unlike anything she'd ever heard. As if something enormous and heavy was being smashed over and over again. She finally had enough sense to look past Celty at what that were speeding toward. What she saw took her breath away yet again.

She could make out Shizuo ahead of them. She recognized his bartender clothes and blonde hair from some distance. But what he was doing is what shocked her. With one swift kick after another he was punting a car down the street. A full sized car. He kicked again and again, causing the car to tumble and crash down the road as if it were nothing. As if such a wild, violent act were normal. How? How could someone who had touched her so delicately so many times be capable of this? She couldn't bare to watch. She pressed her face into Celty's back and tried to drown out the horrible sound. The choas didn't last long. She knew by now that these bouts of extreme violence typically didn't. That didn't make them any easier to stomach though.

When they closed the distance between Shizuo and the conflict ahead of them Tamina finally peaked again. He had been chasing some kind of large commercial truck. He leaped inside of it and had a confrontation with someone inside. Tamina realized that it was their assailant from earlier. The one who had taken Akane. She recognized them by their sleek, biking outfit and helmet. They drew a hand gun and pointed it directly at Shizuo's face. Regardless of his strength, Tamina feared he couldn't endure a shot like that.

"Celty, do something!" Tamina demanded.

With that, Celty manifested her shadows again and used them to reach into the trucks cabin, quickly disarming the assailant. The commotion only lasted a moment more. Before Tamina could make out what happened exactly, Shizuo leaped out of the truck, holding a small bundle in his arms. The precious little girl they had been looking for this whole time. Celty used her shadows to catch him and came skidding to a stop.

The truck and her assailants, seemingly defeated, sped off to their relief. Once they were sure the threat was gone, Shizuo ripped off the tape they had wrapped around Akane and she embraced him. Tamina didn't quite catch their words as she dismounted Celty's bike and approached.

"Akane!" She called. The girls attention shifted and she rushed to embrace her as well. Tamina enjoyed the hug for a moment, then pulled her away to look her over for injuries. "Are you okay?! Did they hurt you!?" She jerked the child's body around to examine every inch of her closely.

"I'm fine!" Akane proclaimed happily. "Thanks to Shizuo."

This moment should bring her pure joy, Tamina knew. Akane was finally, surely safe. And Shizuo was to thank. But as she slowly and warily gazed up at him, she couldn't muster the feelings. It was clear in his face too. The previous pride he felt in the save was quickly replaced with the most unsettled of looks. Something had changed between them. Horribly. Irrevocably.

Tamina contacted the Awakusu's and Shiki's men were on the scene shortly after. They brought Akane to a private car and took her home. They had another car for Tamina but she refused, explaining she had some business to attend to. After they departed she slowly made her way down the alley where Shizuo had ducked away from the Awakusu's to wait for her.

It was a while before there were words. The long alley they occupied seem to amplify the tense silence between them. Both nervous. Both unsure. Both hurting.

Shizuo could see it so clearly in her face. Her fear and apprehension toward him completely reborn. And on top of that, a new layer of sadness that was almost unbearable for him. It all could only mean one thing. And that thought was the single most painful thing he'd ever felt. It was the reason he couldn't make any words come out.

Tamina steadied her breath and tried to speak, but Shizuo finally came out with it. "It's over, isn't it?"

The swell of moisture in her eyes and pained scrunch in her face served him a clear answer. He averted his gaze and gave a small nod as he tried to process the feeling of his heart dropping to his feet.

The tiny bit of composure Tamina had clung to crumbled. "I'm so sorry Shizuo." She sobbed, allowing her tears to flow free. "This is the last thing I wanted."

Shizuo let out a breath, fishing his sunglasses out of his pocket and putting them on, "Yeah, me too." He admitted quietly.

"It wasn't your fault. I should have done things so different... I don't want you to think I'm a horrible person." She babbled through her tears. "But if you do, I promise I understand."

Watching her cry like this was torturous. "No Tamina, I could never think that about you." He quickly reached to his face to wipe the wetness threatening his eyes. "I love you."

That stirred her crying up even more. "I love you too." She finally admitted in a sob. "That's why I can't keep hurting you."

Shizuo couldn't speak anymore. A numbness was taking over him. This felt so surreal. The gravity of the thing he most feared coming to pass.

Tamina managed to go on. "I know we wanted to be better for each other, but I don't feel like either of us are ready to change, no matter how much we want to. Maybe eventually we can and when that happens..." She trailed off. "But even if it doesn't, I just hope you end up happy. That's what I really want for you."

"Yea," His voice threatened to crack. "I want that for you too. But," He added with bitterness "You're not gonna find that with Izaya."

Silence again. That awful, loud, screaming silence of this place.

Shizuo turned before she could see the tear that peaked from under his glasses. "Bye, Tamina."

"Shizuo, wait-" She tried to stop him, feeling like she needed to say more.

"Tamina please." He replied desperately, his voice shaken now. "Just... Let me go."

She wanted to run to him. Her body ached for it. To hug him tight like she used to. But she couldn't. She had to do that very thing. Let him go. Anchoring herself to this spot and quietly watching him leave was the last act of love she could give him.

Tamina sat in that place for a while, back pressed against the cool bricks of the building, having a good hard cry. Truly purging herself, allowing the tears to flow free and unapologetic. Wallowing in her heartache. Once she felt completely empty she wiped her face with her sleeve and managed to stand. She needed to go home.

As she slowly started to walk she felt her phone buzzing in her pocket. She considered letting it go to voicemail, but decided to check. It could be Erika or Kyohei finally reaching out, or the twins looking for her. Or maybe even Shizuo, having a change of heart... Maybe they could talk more... A stupid, hopeful thought.

When she looked at the illuminated screen her heartache eased a bit, only to be replaced with a soft rage. She took a deep breath and answered the call, pressing the phone to her ear.

"Miss Takeda! There you are! How did everything turn out? I'm dying to know." Izaya's voice ignited a fire inside of her, the likes of which even he couldn't anticipate.

"I hate you." She hissed through tight lips.

"Ah, doesn't seem like you're in a good mood." He toyed. "Maybe you should-"

"I hate you!" She practically screamed, leaving him uncharacteristically quiet. "Don't give me your stupid bullshit! I know this is all your fault! This is why you're going to end up completely alone! Because you'll set the whole world on fire as long as you can have a front row seat!"

"Hey," His voice came surprisingly gently. "Why don't you take a deep breath and we-"

"Fuck off!" She belted in her unchecked fury. "I won't let you keep taking and taking from me and until there's nothing left! I don't care what information you have or how you want to help me! I want you out of my life! You're poison!"

It seemed her words had finally silenced him. For once he had absolutely nothing to say.

"I hope its fun while it lasts." She finally managed an even tone. "Because one day it's all going to come crashing down on you. And when that day comes none of the humans you claim you love so much with be there."

Before he could say anything else she hung up, heaving and exasperated breath and walked on.

Celty approached Shizuo on the overpass. She hadn't gotten much information from his vague texts. All she knew was things between him and Tamina hadn't gone well, and he needed a friend.

She wasn't sure if he aware of her presence. He looked out over the city traffic silently, the cigarette between his lips holding an unnaturally long ash on the end of it due to his neglect. It would be great if she could nonchalantly clear her throat in these moments... Not having an attached head and voice box certainly had its draw backs from time to time.

Just when she was about to reach out to him, he spoke. "Hey." He said quietly.

Celty had never heard such a tone. The deep bravado if his usual voice was completely absent. She pulled out her phone and quickly typed. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah." He said softly. "Sorry to make you come all the way out here so late," He apologized. "I just didn't want to be out in this storm on my own."

Celty briefly wondered if she misheard him. She looked around and began to type "Storm?" into the text box of her phone. But just before she showed it to him, she caught sight of his face. He watched the cars pass beneath them with a still expression, an uncharacteristic tears peaking out from his glasses and sliding down his face. Now she had no words. She withdrew her phone and just placed a comforting hand on her friends shoulder to ease him through the monsoon of heartache.

Another round of 'thanks' to everyone who has read and continues to support my creativity. I LOVE YALL SOOOOO MUCH. Please favorite/follow/review! I'll be back soon! Promise!