Author: Raegan

Title: Indulging the Heart

Rating: PG (maybe PG-13 for language).

Warnings: shounen-ai. Very fluffish. Yamasuke as the main. Some side Taiora and Jyoushiro.

Summary: It's a week until Valentine's Day, and poor Yamato has just broken up with his girlfriend. Will seven days be long enough to come out to his friends, get the guy, and have a happy ever after? It is when you're destined.

A note about the holiday. In Japan, it's custom for girls to give chocolates to their friends, family, and crushes. Guys do not reciprocate until White Day, which we don't have in the US. In the U.S. it is customary for couples to swap gifts (mostly for guys to buy roses and chocolates for their girls). For the sake of the story, we'll go with Japanese custom.

A note about timeline. This is after Season02, but I am discounting the epilogue. The Digimon are in the Digital World, and everything else is just a really bad dream.

A note about ages. For this, Jyou is 18, Yama/etc are 17, and Koushiro/Miyako are 16, and everyone else, with the exception of Iori, who is 14, is 15.

-----~~~~~-----

February 7th

I'll always try to figure out why I had the dream…nightmare. It was horrid, sitting and watching the lives of my friends turn out all wrong, like some screwed up B-rated movie that has more screaming than plot.

Some of it doesn't sound bad to me, but the rest…some of the rest of it is just really wrong. Ken and Miyako I can imagine as a couple. The twelve of us with kids is a reasonable ideal, though I've never planned on becoming a father.

However, the odds of me becoming an astronaut and marrying Sora is zero to the negative side of infinity, which means that it won't happen in a million years. I've thought about it, about the two of us being a couple, and the whole concept…

We broke up yesterday. Started dating at Christmas, managed to make it last a whole three years, and then we break up because she finally realizes what everyone has known for years; she was meant to be with Tai.

Am I sad? Someone asked me that this morning, at school, when they figured out that Tai and Sora were holding hands. Am I sad? No. And in a way, yes. Being single is nothing like I thought it would be. Already, I've had eight people offer to fill the 'void' that my 'life must have become'. It makes me laugh, and it makes me sick, to have people seem to think so little of my self-esteem.

I'm not suffering from the breakup, at least, not in that sense.

I've thought ahead to this weekend, and to the weekend after that, and I realized that with my girlfriend and best friend dating, I now have no one to spend time with.

That's not entirely true. There's always Jyou and Koushiro, but…it's awkward between the three of us since they started going out. Taichi and the others don't know yet, and I wouldn't either, if I hadn't walked in on them at Koushiro's. I went to pick up a book for an assignment, and the door was ajar…By the time I left, Koushiro's face matched his hair, and poor Jyou was about ready to choke on his own tongue.

They can't seem to understand why I'm not upset; it's like they expected me to freak out and tell the world what they were doing. I just think it's kind of cute. Jyou is a good six inches taller than Koushiro, and that's the biggest difference between them. They're the sort of couple that can just coexist together for the next thirty years without thinking much about it, or without having to work for it.

Do I envy them? I think I do, much in the same way that I envy Tai and Sora. Not because of 'who' they have, but the fact that they have someone, that they're happy, and that they don't have to worry about finding 'the one', because they already have them.

The thought both depresses me and brings me happiness; the latter is for them. Friendship…it fills me with peace, knowing that some of my nearest and dearest will be happy, and that I'll most likely not have to worry about mending broken hearts.

Mimi sent a letter to everyone a month ago that she and Michael were dating. I just remembered that…I guess it's not too odd to think of such a thing when I'm contemplating relationships.

As for the younger destined, I have no idea how they're faring. They're probably a bit too young, yet, for relationships, but then again…they were eleven or so when they saved the world, to say that they're too young to be ready for anything would be an insult to them, and to us…'us', the original destined, and we weren't even the first…

Maybe, I'll call Takeru and see how he's doing. It's been a couple of days since I've seen him, but it's been at least two months since I sat down and -talked- to him. At one point in time, I would have been giving myself grief at the fact that I've neglected my little brother, but…another fact of life: kids grow up and don't need protected anymore. And Takeru hasn't needed me for a very long time.

Am I sad?

I think that today, especially, I'm sad. We have one week until Valentine's Day, seven days until the day that I am dreading most in the world. For the last several years, I've had my relationship with Sora to protect me…even if valentine's still leaked out of my locker, there were no girls actually vying for my attention, no one to actually attempt to get me to do more than eat their chocolates.

This holiday…it scares me suddenly, in a way that I haven't been scared in a long time. It will mark my first year as a single guy after three years of dating a girl, and with it comes some very real, very inescapable feelings and thoughts.

I, Ishida Yamato, am gay.

I have no boyfriend.

I have no lover.

And since no one knows that I'm gay, there is very little likelihood that any of the guys I know will be buying me flowers, or getting them from me.

-----~~~~~-----

Sora sighed and leaned farther into her boyfriend's arms. "We should do something, Tai," she told him softly. He grunted against her neck to let her know that he was listening. His arms were around her, holding her in place on the couch as they snuggled together. "You do know what I'm talking about, right?" she asked, smiling slightly. She doubted that he had been following her train of thought.

"We have to find someone for Yama," he replied quietly, his voice sounding thick. His body was lax, and it was evident that he was on the verge of a nap. Sora didn't know whether to be offended that he could sleep with her company, or to be flattered that he could relax so completely while holding her. And since he -had- been paying attention, she chose the latter.

"Yes. He hates being single, you know. That's part of the reason he asked me out," she said softly, not wanting to rouse him too much. If he fell asleep, then he fell asleep, and she could just enjoy being with him, existing with him.

"He doesn't like being alone," Tai noted, nuzzling her hair. "Must be all those months of being a stubborn jerk who didn't want anyone else around." There was no rancor in his voice, and Sora knew that there were no hard feelings from that point in their lives.

"Yes, well," she said. "The problem then becomes: with whom do we set him up?"

There was no response, and she rolled her eyes, smiling at the thought that he'd fallen asleep so quickly. Then his arm tightened, and he rubbed his face against her shoulder. "I don't care who, but he can't have my sister."

-----~~~~~-----

I really just want to run away today. It's such a tiring, time-consuming waste, sitting here and dreading the simple act of opening the door. Except that, today, every time there's a knock, it's another girl, waiting to heal my empty heart. I am neither 'broken', nor lonely, and I can't bring myself to appreciate the thought.

I considered calling Tai or Sora, to see what they were doing. Then I remembered them leaving school together, and that it's only their second day together, and I set the phone back down. No need to bother them, or interfere. I'm sure that there's some kind of documentation of a study that proves that the first week of a relationship is crucial.

That leaves me with nothing to do. The band isn't playing right now. We're down to a broken hand, a drummer that's several -countries- away, and a lead singer with more angst than he cares to sing about at the present moment.

My life is a soap opera, and I am becoming more dissatisfied every second that it brings me closer and closer to the end of this day. The end of this day means the start of tomorrow, and that leaves only six more days.

Six more days of watching couples bond, couples form, couples cuddle and kiss and coo. I need something more to do than moping. Maybe I -will- give someone a call. I wonder what Jyou is up to? Or maybe Koushiro? Hell, I'd take 'em both at one time right now.

…That didn't quite come out the way it was supposed to.

-----~~~~~-----

"That was Hikari," Tai told Sora, hanging the phone up and turning around. "She said that some of the younger kids are getting together at the mall, and she wanted to know if we'd care to join them. She's calling everyone else."

"You told her we would, right?" Sora asked, just to make sure. She was already gathering her bag and belongings. If they were heading to the mall, she could drop everything off at her house, and not have to worry about coming back for it after.

Tai nodded. "Yeah. It'll be more interesting for you, instead of me falling asleep on the couch." He grinned at her, looking apologetic and adorable at the same time. She smiled, patting his cheek as she passed by.

"You're okay, Taichi Yagami."

"Ah, you're just saying that," he teased with mock-bashfulness. They laughed together as the pulled their shoes on.

He took her bag from her, and slipped it over his shoulder, then held her coat as she slipped it on. When they were both ready, and dressed for the weather, they headed off, taking a path that would run them past her apartment.

It wasn't until they were entering the mall that he remembered the conversation they were having before his sister called.

"What was that you were saying about setting Yama up?" he asked. She looked at him, blinked in confusion, and then nodded as her mind drifted back to that topic.

"I think it'd be a great idea, especially at this time of year. Except, there is a slight problem," she said hesitantly. She stopped when she saw everyone else waiting for them by the fountain.

"Problem?" asked Tai, feeling more confused than normal.

She nodded. "See, we can't set him up with just any girl, because I don't think Yamato wants any girl."

"Huh?" He wasn't getting it.

She sighed. "He doesn't want -any- girl. Give him a guy, and he'd be happy?" she said it questioningly, smiling hopefully as she waited for his response. He wouldn't freak out. At least, she didn't think he would.

He thought about it for a moment, and then his face fell, and he looked at her with a worried expression. "It's not me, is it? Isn't it always supposed to be the best friend?"

She shook her head, her smile tinged with relief. "I don't think so. I don't know for certain, but…" She shrugged.

Tai nodded, then turned to look at the assembled group, his eyes searching for and finding Yamato quickly. Sora's smile faded when she saw a smirk start to light his face, but he was striding forward before she could ask him what he was up to.

The blonde watched as his best friend approached, noting the grin on his face with a small feeling of apprehension. That look was never good for anyone, and Tai was headed straight for him.

He opened his mouth to greet the brunette, but Tai never stopped to return the greeting. Instead, Tai forced Yamato back a step, his hands moving up to cup the blond's face mere seconds before he pressed a kissed to the startled teen's lips. It was quick, and close-mouthed, and everyone was left staring when Tai pulled away.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Tai asked, narrowing his eyes. "All this time, and you -had- to know, and you never said anything?"

"Tai?" Yamato said, still feeling stunned. He shook his head, trying to clear his thoughts. "What are you talking about?"

"You're gay, and you never told me!" Tai accused, his voice loud enough to garner attention from innocent bystanders. "And you wasted all this time that I could have been with Sora, you jerk!" He let go of his friend, stepping back to give him room.

Yamato sighed, bringing his hands up so that he could hide his face in them. The rest of the group was silent, a fact for which he was very grateful. He didn't know what he'd do or say if they started asking questions all at once, as they tended to do.