Sorry it isn't longer, Barbacar. I got busy with life. Which is strange. I never have lots of life stuff to do. But I may write more for this and post it here.

Enjoy!

I groaned as another vine slapped me in the face. Why did I have to go into the stupid forest and check out the stupid column of smoke? Oh right, cause I'm the stupid hero. Er... Hero. I'm not stupid. Well, sometimes but that is besides the point.

Another slap and I was fuming. "Why in the hell are there so many damn vines?!"

"Tut, tut. That is no way to talk around a lady, young man." The strong smell of tobacco wafted through the air and I had zero seconds to react before my legs were taken out from under me by, you guessed it, vines.

My hat flopped down into my face and I tugged it off in frustration. "Are you fucking kidding me?!"

"You are being quite rude. Apologize."

"To what?! There isn't anything here but trees and vines!" I shook my hands around and groaned as one of my wrists was tugged...

And I came face to... plant. "To me, of course." The strange ball-like red flower grinned wide, revealing a set of vicious looking teeth.

"Holy fuck! A talking plant!" I clutched my head in confusion and slight irritation. "I must be out of my mind. The woods finally got to me."

"You aren't hallucinating, if that is what you are thinking. I can assure you, I am quite real." And the strange female, plant thing slapped me across the face. "Now help me light this cigar. My other ran out."

Something nudges my side and I glanced over to see a cigar the size of me. "How does that... How...?"

I sighed in aggravation. "How in the seven hells does a plant smoke? You have no gods-damned lungs."

"That's my business, boy." My nose burned as the cigar was pressed into my face. "Now light it up."

"Fine." Din's fire came to life in my hand and I pressed the flame into the tobacco.

The plant hummed as it finally lit. "Good, good."

"Could you put me down now?"

"Eh?"

I groaned. "Please?" Within seconds, I was being dropped to the forest bed below.

My neck popped in two places as I righted myself. "You could have been gentler about that."

"Could of been rougher."

"True." I watched the smoke from the cigar rise up above the tree line. "Guess you're the reason there is strange smoke coming out of the forest."

A snort is the only answer I received. "Zelda is gonna freak out when I tell her about this." And I stepped around the vines to get away from the massive flower that I'm not sure wouldn't eat me if it really wanted to.

Figure I can add another chapter where the plant shows up in the castle and Link complains to Zelda that he wasn't lying about it. That would be funny. Ideas for what scenarios I can put Link in with this plant? (Non-sexual please.) Maybe a good Sheik one where the plant calls Link a pretty boy and tells Sheik he could do better.

Review.

Love and plants,

~Annoying :)