Author's Note

This is supposed to be humorous, with a touch of satire on the sexless way Austen wrote all her main characters. Hopefully, it comes across as amusing. If I ever follow it up, it definitely won't be sexless. ;)

A Pride and Prejudice Deleted Scene

By Bren Williams

Mrs. Bennett educates her eldest daughters on what to expect on their wedding nights.

The tea cup rattled on its saucer as Mrs. Bennett passed it to Elizabeth.

"Thank you, Mama," Elizabeth murmured as she breathed in its comforting aroma.

"Will this take long, Mama?" Jane asked, ever so conscientious of the time. "It is nearly time for us to dress for the wedding, and I've yet to finish packing my trunk."

"In good time, my dears," Mrs. Bennett assured her as she passed her eldest her own tea cup. "Now, as soon as Kitty allows us some privacy…" She glared at the daughter in question, who sulkily left the room, closing the door a bit harder than necessary.

"There now! A bit of privacy will be just the thing."

"Privacy? Whatever for?" Jane mused as Elizabeth sipped at her tea.

Mrs. Bennett seated herself, enthroned in her dressing room, holding court with her elder daughters one last time. In a short time, the family would make one last pilgrimage together to the country church in Merryton, where Mr. Bennett would give their hands in marriage at last.

"I've put this off far too long, my dears…. She frowned, sipping her tea while her daughters waited in silence. At last, she set down her tea cup with a clatter and looked from one daughter to the other.

If you're lucky,"Mrs. Bennett stated unequivocally, "your first child will be a son and your husbands may soon discontinue their nightly visitations to your bed chamber. Pray this is so. If it is not…" Mrs. Bennett gave a mournful sigh, "If it is not, you must simply endure it as best you can."

"Forgive me, Mama," Jane spoke up, her eyes wide in confusion. "What do you mean? Why should Mr. Bingley visit my chamber at night?"

Elizabeth, who'd quickly divined the bent of conversation her mother intended, stared resolutely about the room, cheeks aflame and looking anywhere but at her mother. Hearing her sister's query, she now turned to stare at her in astonishment. "Jane-"

"Ooooh, Jane!" Mrs. Bennett flushed as well, twisting a handkerchief in her hands. "Mr. Bingley, I dare say, will want to visit you every night, to- Well, to get an heir!"

"An heir?" Jane repeated thoughtfully, "You mean a baby?"

"Indeed."

A serene smile graced her countenance again. "Very well. I hope we have many daughters, as well as a son."

Mrs. Bennett frowned at Jane's serenity. "Yes, well, the babies are lovely, it's the getting them that concerns us now." She fidgeted in her padded chair, sitting a bit straighter. "Now, I have found that one of the best ways to discourage unwanted attention from your husband is..." she paused again, wringing her poor handkerchief still tighter as her cheeks flushed very red. "Well, you must insist on wearing your bedclothes for the act. It's best to-well, he will pull your night dress up to there, of course, and, well, you must allow your drawers to be pushed down about your knees, but no farther! If the underclothes come off, next will come the night dress, and you'll be as naked as the day you were born." Mrs. Bennett shuddered eloquently. "You won't want that. Now, I do recommend avoiding the whole nasty event by feigning a headache or-"

"Mama!" Jane gasped, her cheeks thoroughly reddened. She nearly dropped her tea and saucer into her lap. "Why would-I can't imagine Mr. Bingley could ever want to do such a thing as to-remove my drawers!"

"Jane, surely you know what happens between a husband and wife after they are wed! Surely you realize how a woman becomes in the- the family condition!"

"You said it was from kissing!"

Exasperated, Mrs. Bennett dropped her hand into her lap. "Jane, really? What was I supposed to say? And with all your younger sisters running about!"

"Then, it's not kissing that gets a woman with child?"

"Dear Jane," Lizzie broke in, taking her sister's hand. "Surely you've witnessed the animals mating? The hounds in the yard and seen the stallion mount the mare to produce a colt?"

"Yes, why-Is that what Mr. Bingley will do to me to-to…."

Poor Jane's face had gone all white, then changed to brilliant red and she could not bring herself to continue. Helpless, she turned to Lizzie who patted her hand soothingly. She opened her mouth to speak, but Mrs. Bennett continued. "That he will, and he is likely to visit your bed chamber every night if you are not clever enough to deter him."

"Deter him?" Jane breathed.

"Oh, Mama!" Elizabeth interrupted. "You are frightening poor, Jane! Not all women find it so disagreeable."

"And what do you know of it, Lizzie?" Mrs. Bennett scolded before continuing grandly on, "You must reconcile yourself to your duty often enough, otherwise your husband may become quite disagreeable. Remember too, that after you've performed your duty to your husband, it is often a most advantageous opportunity to ask him for a bauble or new gown which he might otherwise refuse you." She nodded to herself as if well satisfied. "A wife who performs her duty willingly and often enough is often well rewarded. I dare say both of you will be dripping with jewels by mid-summer! And your husbands can well afford it!" She rose, clucking to herself, "Five thousand and ten thousand apiece!" She left the room, calling for Kitty and Mary to bring the veils and to Mr. Bennett to call for the carriage.

Jane turned to Elizabeth, her eyes enormous, clutching her hand. "Oh Lizzie! What are we to do? I don't-" but she could not continue.

"Oh, dear Jane, hush now. I have it on a most reliable authority that when a union is met with love and respect, as with you and Mr. Bingley, there is much joy to be found, even in the nightly visitations."

"Joy? But Mama made it sound dreadful!"

"Well, think how it is for Mama and Papa together! Perhaps that…" She swallowed painfully, and could not meet her elder sister's gaze.

Jane closed her eyes and shook her head. "No, Lizzie, I cannot think of that!"

Laughter bubbled out of Elizabeth. "Then think of Mr. Bingley. He is so amiable and gentle in his dealings with everyone, and he is so in love with you! I think we can be assured, he will be as gentle and kind with you then as he is at every other time."

Jane was smiling now, for she could not think of Mr. Bingley without a smile gracing her lips. Lizzie smiled too, seeing her sister's.

"All will be well. You shall see."

"But, Lizzie, how do you know so much about, about that?"

It was Elizabeth's turn to blush. "I've seen the hounds in the yard, and Mrs. Gardner spoke with me at length."

"Is that what you spoke about when you went walking yesterday?"

"Indeed it was." Her cheeks were pink as though she'd been too long in the sun, but the accompanying smile was thoughtful.

"You are not afraid to have Mr. Darcy come to you?"

"Afraid? No, I am not. Heartily embarrassed by this whole business, and with all my heart, but not afraid!" She laughed and squeezed Jane's hand. "Remember this, Jane, men and women have lain together since Adam and Eve. And the way Mr. Darcy looks at me?" Her cheeks reddened significantly. "I do believe I shall welcome his attentions!"

Their mother's voice rang through the halls then, ending their conversation. "Elizabeth! Jane! Hurry now into your dresses! I shall not have Mr. Bingley or Mr. Darcy fearing you've left him at the altar!

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Copyright Bren Williams 2015