DISCLAIMER!

THE FOLLOWING IS ONLY BEING UPDATED BECAUSE IT'S NOXY'S BIRTHDAY! OR LATE BIRTHDAY, TO BE MORE EXACT…HAPPY CELEBRATING TAKING ONE MORE STEP INTO THE GRAVEYARD, I MEAN, GY, NOX!

Moonlight Mood-Swings – Chapter 5: King Me

Yugo, Yuri, and Starve Venom were still arguing as the elevator descended down into what was totally not a trap set up by the professor.

"I still say you should go back to Selena and apologize." Ghost Yugo argued, glaring at the obstinate Yuri, who still refused to admit he'd done anything wrong.

"Yeah, well I say that your name sounds like the Japanese word for Fusion, so your point is invalid!" Yuri shot back.

"That doesn't even make any sense!" Yugo exclaimed.

"Guys! Guys! A budding romance is in danger!" Starve Venom pleaded. "Can't we all just put our petty arguments aside and focus on comforting Selena?"

"Starve Venom's right." Zarc agreed, appearing behind Yugo and Yuri with a "SATAN" headband around his pale ghostly forehead. "We should totally fuse together and destroy the world."

"You make a good point." Yuri conceded, stroking his chin in thought. "If we did fuse together, then we could totally destroy the world."

"Ok, who the heck are you?" Yugo asked, backing away from the stranger. "And what the heck does any of what you just said have to do with any of our relationship problems?"

"Well, I'm basically you." Zarc replied, shaking Yugo's hand. "Just the more awesome version of you that all the readers actually care about. Now, I'll concede that the two of you are making some good points in regards to Selena's feelings, but you've failed to take into account that if we just fused together, then we could, in fact, destroy the world."

"Yeah, Yugo! Why aren't you getting with the program?" Yuri complained. "It's not exactly hard to understand! If we fused together, we could destroy the world!"

"See, Yugo, this guy gets it." Zarc said with a smile, patting Yuri on the back.

"You guys aren't making any sense!" Yugo sputtered. "Where in the world did this sudden desire to destroy the world come from!?"

"Yeah, sorry, it was sort of my old master's gig…not that I was ever that into it…" Starve Venom mumbled, twiddling his thumbs together in embarrassment.

"Shut up, Venom." Zarc growled, "And look, Yugo, the question we really should be asking is, 'Why haven't we already fused together and destroyed the world?'"

"Uhhhhhhh…because it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever!" Yugo roared. "What would we freaking have left to live for if we just up and destroyed the world for no reason!?"

"Fair point, fair point." Zarc conceded, looking thoughtful, "Counterpoint…what would we have to live for if we didn't fuse together and totally destroy the world?

"Yeah, Yugo, did you ever stop to consider that?" Yuri huffed, folding his arms with contempt. "Honestly, Zarc. Sometimes I wonder about that one."

"You guys are unbelievable." Yugo murmured. "It's like I can't say anything to either of you without you guys immediately going back to destroying the world!"

"Well, destroying the world is the only thing that matters." Zarc reasoned, tone patient and even.

"And the only thing that matters is destroying the world." Yuri agreed. "So, how do we start?"

"First, you'll have to engage your other counterparts in a mindless battle to the death, with me brain-controlling the two of you against your will." Zarc explained. "From there, it's just a simple matter of fusing together, and destroying the world."

"Sounds reasonable." Yuri mused. "I can definitely see nothing in that plan that would be detrimental to me or the people I cared about in any way. So where is that stupid tomato-head anyway?"

"I'll take control of your body and soul in a moment." Zarc promised. "First, I think you have a minor Season 2 throwback you'll need to take care of."

"Ugh! Fine!" Yuri groaned. "I'll take care of whoever this idiot is, but after that, we'd better focus on totally destroying the world!"

"Oh, don't worry. That longing will completely consume you with insanity before long. Tah Tah for now!" Zarc called as he sank back into Yuri and Yugo's collective soul-space.

At that moment, the elevator door opened and Yuri walked out into a dank dungeon.

"Wait a second…" Yuri mused, squinting at the dimly lit stretching racks, thumb screws, and iron maidens, "…was this a trap the whole time!?"

In answer, Jean-Michelle Roger/Roget/Rogert/Whatever crawled out from under a blanket.

"Haw haw! Fooled you!" the most impressive villain in all of Arc-V cackled (and that is totally not sarcastic), "You thought that the professor was just sending you down into the dark scary basement so you could fetch him some toenail crème, but in fact, it will be YOU who gets turned into toenail creme!"

"…what?" Yuri asked, completely confused.

"Silince, leetle man!" Sock Puppet Sergey growled, rising up against the weak-minded Roger and slapping some sense into him. "Let strongker Synchro Russian puppet man do menacing talking!"

"Ouch! Y-yes, Puppet Sergey!" Roger replied, before meekly exiting the room, leaving Yuri to face the menacing sock puppet alone.

"Sock Puppet Sergey." Yuri mused. "I should have known that Leo wouldn't have been smart enough to come up with a plan as diabolical as this one!"

"Indeed, leetle boy." Sock Puppet Sergey sneered, "I'd vas I who convinced eediot professor to lock you and other dragon boys in gas chamber so zat you vould all instantly die! Now you realize truth only too leetle too late! While my superior sock-puppet body vill survive deadly poison, you vill all perish in agony! Throw the switch now, leetle Roger! Flood zis chamber vith noxious VX gas!"

"Uh…about that…" Roger called back, voice muffled by a gas mask he was wearing, "…I kind of forgot to install the gas dispensers in this chamber."

"VAT!?" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, grabbing Jean-Michelle Roger by the collar and violently shaking the small inferior human. "Zen how do ve destroy leetle dragon boys now!?"

"Well…we could try the conventional means." Roger suggested.

"Very vell zen." Sock Puppet Sergey growled. "Bring me strongkest chess-themed deck ve have and I shall crush leetle dragon boy vith my superior dueling powers!"

"Uh….about that as well…" Roger mumbled, "…I kind of sort of…forgot to pack the deck Donjusticia designed for us…so…I think we'll have to make do with this one…"

"VAT!?" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, slapping Roger across the face with one of his immensely strong sock puppet arms. "YOU STOOPID EEDIOT LEETLE FLESHLING! I should drown you in strongkest Synchro Russian Vodka right now!"

"Not to be rude or anything," Yuri interrupted. "but I think I'm just gonna leave and fuse with my counterparts now."

"Yeah, even I can't handle this much weirdness." Yugo admitted.

"Stay vight zere!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared. "Nobody gets to leave zis chamber until von of us eez defeated in epic duel vith strongk monsters! Behold ze power of my second-best deck! I summon Checkers Cheater – Black Piece!"

In front of the socket puppet, a small round disk dropped onto the field.

That's it.

What? It's a checkers piece! It's not going to do anything else!

Checkers Cheater – Black Piece / LAUGH / Level 4 ½ / Meme / Effect / ATK Moderately effective / DEF Moderately useless

"Really? That's your play?" Yuri laughed. "You honestly think you can defeat the great Yuri with something so weak?"

"Stoopid leetle boy does not know vhen he is cornered!" Sock Puppet Sergey cackled, "Or in this case, because is checkers game, his piece is out in the open and NOT in a corner so he can be easily JUMPED! BEHOLD! I next summon Checkers Cheater – Red Piece to YOUR field, before summoning a bunch more checkers pieces until we are literally playing checkers instead of duel monsters!"

Yuri watched as the duel field was replaced with a small checkerboard table, with two chairs for Yuri and Sock Puppet Sergey to sit at while they played.

"Really?" Yuri grimaced.

"YES!" Sock Puppet Sergey laughed. "Is infallible strategy! Everyone knows only vay to defeat strongk unbeatable duelist, Yuri, is to challenge him to game zat isn't even duel monsters! Now! Make your move and hope you don't set yourself up for deadly triple jump!"

"Oh no! He's got us cornered…or rather…NOT cornered!" Yugo exclaimed in utter shock.

"Yeah, I get it." Yuri sighed.

"You veady to play, leetle man?" Sock Puppet Sergey mocked, "Or does leetle baby vant his diapers changed now?"

"Alright, Sock Puppet Sergey, I'll play your sick game!" Yuri growled, before sitting at the table and taking his turn.

Less than a minute later…

"King me." Yuri smugly ordered after capturing Sock Puppet Sergey's second-to-last piece.

"Ve play different game now!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, knocking aside the checkerboard and setting up a game of Monopoly.

"OOH! OOH!" Yugo exclaimed within Yuri. "I love this game! Can I be the car!?"

"I'm alveady car." Sock Puppet Sergey smugly replied, snagging the piece before handing Yuri the thimble. "Now ve play monopoly to see who is best and luckiest businessman! Vinner gets to decide next game ve play!"

"Look, Sock Puppet Sergey, it's clear you're just here to waste my time." Yuri grumbled. "I've got stuff to do, and besides, only a complete idiot would-…"

"We accept your terms!" Yugo piped in, suddenly taking control. "You're on, Sock Puppet Sergey!"

"Son…of…a…!" Yuri roared.

Passing GO later…

"VHAT!? IMPOSSIBLE!?" Sock Puppet Sergey exclaimed, completely aghast. "HOW COULD PUNY LEETLE BIKE BOY ROLL DICE SO PERFECTLY HE BUYS ALL PROPERTIES ON FIRST ROUND!?"

"I'm honestly just as confused as you are." Yugo shrugged, platinum fur coat and gold-plated sunglasses gleaming in the dim-dungeon light as he absent-mindedly tossed some dice into the air before catching it again.

"Look, can you just surrender now." Yuri grumbled. "We're clearly gonna win, so…"

"NO!" Sock Puppet Sergey roared, knocking over the Monopoly board and fishing through the other board games littering the ground. "Now ve play Hi-Ho Cheerio!"

"OOH! OOH! I LOVE THIS GAME!" Starve Venom exclaimed, clapping his claws together with glee.

"YOU SHUT UP!" Yuri roared.

"Sorry I'm late guys." Zarc apologized, appearing behind them once again. "I was just finishing up putting some more hair gel in my…"

He suddenly paused when he saw what Yugo and Yuri were doing.

"Let me guess, got stuck in a filler chapter?" Zarc guessed.

"Got stuck in a filler chapter." Yugo and Yuri sighed.

"Well, it's a good thing I'm here to fix it then." Zarc shrugged. "Here, Yuri! Have some demonic shadow blaster powers!"

"Oh yeah! I'd forgotten I could do this!" Yuri rejoiced before oozing black shadows from his body. "Time to blast our way out of here!"

"Vait! But you can't just-!" Sock Puppet Sergey objected, before Yuri blasted him the face with his powers and proceeding to blow his way out of Leo's flimsy prison.

"Okay, but we're only escaping so that you can apologize to Selena. Right?" Yugo asked.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri replied, proceeding to climb up the elevator shaft.

"This is not just so you can use your newfound powers to destroy the world and everyone in it?" Yugo continued.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri repeated, not even looking at Yugo.

"You're not listening to a word I'm saying, are you?" Yugo grumbled.

"Uh-huh, yeah, sure." Yuri nonchalantly agreed before climbing up out of the elevator where Reiji and Reira were waiting for him.

"Well, if it isn't the notorious Yuri." Reiji mused. "I suppose that, now that we're here, I shall have to engage you in an epic-"

"DARK POWER BLAST NO JUTSU!" Yuri roared, incinerating Reiji on the spot before skipping along down the hallways of the castle.

Sighing, Reira peaced out of the story, hoping to score another saxophone-playing gig with Donjusticia.

"Hey Yuri," Asuka asked, "would you mind directing me to the fanfic where I can be a relevant-?"

"DARK POWER BLAST!" Yuri repeated, frying the irrelevant female character on the spot before proceeding to Leo's throne room.

Meanwhile, in another part of this fanfic…

"Well, if it isn't you, Shun." Selena growled, meeting Ruri's overprotective brother in the hallway while Yuri was busy being OP.

"Indeed, my naïve cat-girl compatriot." Shun replied. "You thought I would just fade into the background as an irrelevant crazy bird-boy, while you got to grow as a Mary Sue. But now, it shall be you who fades into the background as I, Shun Kurosaki, become this story's MAIN CHARACTER!"

"Tell that to my White Tiger Cat Goddess who totally can't lose!" Selena countered, summoning her utterly invincible anti-Zarc ace monster.

"Hah!" Shun replied. "You've fallen right into my trap, or should I say, Nox Decious's trap!"

"What are you saying!?" Selena exclaimed.

"You see, foolish child," Shun explained, "you may be Nox Decious's favorite character, but you didn't count on one thing! The author's irrational need to have all characters win an equal amount of times!"

"Audible gasp!" Selena exclaimed.

"NOW BEHOLD!" Shun cackled, "As I summon my Raid Raptor Ultimate Falcon! Normally my strongest monster is ironically defeated in every duel its summoned in. Yet now, with Nox Descious's blessing, I randomly have the power to defeat you! FEEL THE WRATH OF MY GIANT METAL BIRDY! AHHHHHH HAW HAW HAW HAW!"

"I blame you, White Tiger Goddess." Selena growled.

"La culpa fue tuya!" White Tiger Goddess retorted in Spanish, because Donjusticia can't shut up about his ability to speak a second language.

BOOM!

"Ah, haw, haw, haw!" Shun laughed. "And now, Selena, because you willingly betrayed us, locked up my sister, and carded my comrades, I am about to give you a taste of your own medicine!"

"Wait…before you do that," Selena replied, defensively holding up your hands, "you should know that I am suddenly totally and completely sorry for everything. I just feel so…so sincerely awful for doing that…stuff."

"That's a B.S. apology, but I accept it anyway!" Shun replied, helping Selena to her feet. "Now let's put all our past grudges behind us and free the other bracelet girls!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaay, we're free!" Yuzu, Ruri, and Rin cheered as they were all instantly freed from the Academia dungeons.

"And nothing can spoil our happiness!" Selena celebrated.

"Hi, I'm Barrett, proud drinker of Diet Mooks and Diet Mooks Twist (a boring minion, but with a plot twist!) and I'm here to spoil your happiness!" Said Barrett, appearing out of nowhere.

"Whelp, looks like I'm gonna have to defeat my mentor and father figure." Selena growled, cracking her knuckles.

"Plot twist! I'm dueling him instead because I have an inferiority complex!" Yuzu countered, jumping into the duel just so she could save her good name.

"I summon a bunch of monsters nobody will even remember!" Barrett declared.

"I Pendulum Summon from out of nowhere and pull a giant singing siren from out of my butt!" Yuzu countered, instantly defeating Barrett!

Diet Mooks Twist is a proud sponsor of this series!

"Whelp, that was easy." Selena shrugged. "Now what should we do?"

"We must immediately run pell-mell to the Academia throne room in order to talk some sense into my maniacally insane abusive boyfriend who I'm still not over!" Ray proclaimed.

"Oh, come on, we don't need to do that. I mean…what are the chances of Zarc coming back?" Selena complained.

Meanwhile, in another pointless epic battle!

Epic battle music of the reader's choice blared in the background as Yuya and Yuri fought. Overhead, Zarc encouraged both his counterparts to do their best, while pulling on their puppet strings.

"Keep up the good work!" Zarc encouraged, "Obviously, I'm not picking favorites, but I am definitely thinking Yuri has this one in the bag!"

"Dark Power Blast!" Yuri roared, firing a blast of energy at Yuya.

"Darker Power Blast!" Yuya countered, firing a blast of even more horrific stuff at Yuri, taking the cabbage lord out in a K.O.

"Ohhhhhhhhh! Did not expect that coming." Zarc consoled. "But the good news is, now we can totally get back to destroying the world!"

"Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay." Yuri groaned from his crater before Yuya proceeded to Om-nom his soul.

…

"Yeah…we should probably go." Selena agreed, "But first, I must defeat BB, who has inexplicably gone evil again for no reason!"

"Leo give BB banana." BB shrugged.

"Down boy! Sit! Sit! Good Boy!" Selena ordered, instantly using her dominance to get BB to behave.

"BB good now." BB agreed, rolling onto his back and panting like a dog.

"Excellent!" Selena nodded, "And now that that's over with, the four of us bracelet girls can finally defeat Leo!"

…

Starve Venom Fusion Dragon: Hi there. So…sorry to pause the story for a bit, but…I feel like some of you readers were having trouble following this story's slightly accelerated pace. You see, author Donjusticia has a lot of stuff to write, and he doesn't want to have to spend his time parodying all the chapters Nox Descious wrote. So, he is doing what is called, abridging, or in this case, hyper abridging, shortening the events of Nox Descious's story while in a crazed hyperactive sugar-rush from the various snack foods and drinks he has consumed for this purpose. We hope this clears up any of the confusion you may have all been experiencing, and that you can proceed with enjoying this story at your leisure. Thank you.

…

"Well, well, well, if it isn't my 25% daughters." Leo mused, his back turned to the bracelet girls in a totally evil villain pose, before dramatically turning around to face them. "We meet again, at last!"

"We just talked like, half an hour ago." Selena replied.

"Don't lecture me, Selena!" Leo roared. "None of you can stop me from enacting my hair-brained scheme to resurrect one daughter in exchange for billions upon billions of lives!"

"Oh my gosh, he's completely insane!" Selena gasped. "There's no way he's going to listen to reason unless his daughter, Ray, shows up!"

"But how can we possibly summon Ray?" Yuzu asked. "The process to summon her must be very intensive, similar to how Zarc needs to have his counterparts defeat each other in duels!"

"Nope!" Ray retorted from within their bracelets, "Ya'll just have to twirl around, wave your bracelets in circles, and say the magic words!"

"Ravioli, ravioli, fuse the bracelet-girl lolis!" all four counterparts chanted in unison before instantly fusing into #ARC-VBESTGIRL.

"Hooray for plot convenience." Ray cheered. "And now, Father, even though Zarc is on the rampage and I must defeat him, I must first duel you because YOU'RE A FREAKING IDIOT!"

"Oh yeah?" Leo retorted, "Well I summon a bunch of SoR spoilers, while not acknowledging that any of my past actions were completely unnecessary!"

"I summon a bunch of OP B.S. to squash your SoR spoilers, which will probably never be seen in SoR anyway because Donjusticia's FREAKING SLOW!"

"Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Leo exclaimed as he was ironically blown away by the very person he had sworn to protect.

"And now, it is time to finally defeat Zarc!" Ray declared, "Eventually! …whenever Nox Descious decides to update…."

"GHOST OF ZARCMAS PAST DARK POWER BLAST!" Zarc roared from outside.

"FREAKING HURRY UP!" Ray screamed at Nox Descious.

TO BE CONTINUED…EVENTUALLY…

Happy late birthday, my friend! You and your fanfiction stories are awesome, and I look forward to seeing more of you and your work in the year to come! May this next cycle of your life bring much joy, learning, and all the Selena fan-service you can handle! And with that, THIS PARODY IS FINALLY CAUGHT UP! Get the next chapter done, and you'll get another birthday present like this one! See you next time!