I was inside my own head, inside my own mind. I knew Castiel was still out there, still killing me, but I wasn't actually there for it.

Funny, he'd been so sure and so worried that Dean would come for me, but look at who's fingers were around my neck.

Of course, this wasn't his fault. Rowena had caused this, the attack dog spell. She had cast it, and even had the audacity to offer me training afterwards.

If you survive, of course. I reminded myself. So why am I here? Am I dead?

If so, this didn't look like what I remembered from the last time (I almost laughed at how casual that idea was, the last time I'd died. This must be a weird feeling for the Winchesters.) There was no family time, no happy memory, no anything. So if I was dead, and this wasn't Heaven, then where was I?

Was this supposed to be my hell?

Were witches destined for hell?

Was I even enough witch to get that automatic one-way ticket?

"You're not dead." I heard my own voice behind me speak. I turned around, or at least I did in my head, and saw… well… Me.

Me in a simple white dress.

"Well, not yet, anyways." The other me conceded.

"Then where am I?" I asked. "Are you supposed to be my subconscious or something?"

"You're inside your own mind." The other me answered. "And no, I'm not your subconscious. Think of me as… The you that wants to live. The you that can live, and that can make sure we both make it out of this."

"Weird way of looking at it, but alright." I shrugged. "So I want to live. Great. Let's live."

"Not so fast." A different voice behind me spoke up, also female. I turned around and saw a tall woman, with kinky hair just a few shades darker than her skin. "You've got the option to die, also, if you want."

"Why would I want to?" I asked, feeling myself cross my arms. "And who are you? Another projection of my desires?"

"No." The woman answered. "I'm a reaper. The name is Billie, by the way."

"Reapers have names?" I asked, uncertain of what else to say. If a reaper was here, in my head, then I must be pretty on the verge.

"What, you think we all just go by Grim?" She asked in response. If I'd had a physical body, I would've probably made multiple awkward movements.

"Leave her be, Billie." The other me said, stepping forwards. "She already chose to go with me, and she's sticking with it, right?" The other me turned to look at me, but I didn't answer. "Right?" She prompted again, offering a hand.

"She's curious, now." Billie filled in. "Curious as to all her options, and why I'm here."

"She doesn't have time to be curious." The other me argued. "In a few minutes, I'll stop being an option, and it's either Billie or a shitty re-run of Mostly Ghostly."

"Why are you here?" I asked Billie, ignoring myself. I already knew why I wanted to live.

"Because you are almost dead." Billie answered. "Castiel is killing you, right now. He's already crushed your windpipe, which will be a long and difficult recovery. Among other injuries your ribs are currently puncturing your lungs, the back of your skull is broken and bleeding, you've got a broken nose, destroyed kneecap, " I felt myself wince. "And a broken heart."

"That's why you're here." I stated. Billie just nodded.

"When you watch the man you love beat the ever-loving life out of you, no matter the cause," Billie shrugged. "Something changes inside a person, every time, and makes them wish they were dead so they didn't have to watch anymore."

"But you love Cas!" The other me argued. "And you know how much this will destroy him if he's the one that kills you."

"You're going to die anyways." Billie stated. "If not today, then much later down the road, and there's no guarantee that you'll spend that life with Castiel. He may decide to leave you after this, feeling too guilty to be around you, or time could just wear away at your relationship until you're both done. What then?"

"Then she lives still!" The other me argued.

"And what if your plan kills the angel?" Billie asked. I turned to the other me, who had suddenly gone quiet.

"What's your plan to let me live?" I asked.

"The angel grace inside of you is enough to expel him, and give you time to write an angel-banishing sigil." She answered. "It'll blast him back to a corner for a little bit, and you'll have the opportunity to call someone, to get to a hospital or something."

"And what if that kills him, or the outright power kills you as well, or both of you end up dead?" Billie asked. "What then? I'll still reap you."

"It's his own grace, it probably won't kill him." The other me argued. She didn't look certain, though. "But it's worth trying!" I watched her flicker for a second, and felt imaginary walls close in on me. "You don't have time. You need to choose, and choose now!"

"I will always be your eventuality, Kylie." Billie reminded me. "And Castiel's. Can you live with the possibility of hurting him, and possibly killing yourself along with him? Can you live with the idea that if you die from his own grace, he'll blame himself?"

"He'll blame himself no matter what." The other me reminded me. She flickered again, and her dress suddenly had rips in it. "Choose. Now."

I looked between myself and Billie, and made my choice.

"If I die from doing this, will you still be the one to reap me?" I asked Billie. She nodded. "Then I'll either see you in a few seconds, or later on down the road." I told the reaper, gripping my doppelganger's hand tightly.

I was awake in an instant, and could still feel Castiel's fingers on my neck. Everything within me began to warm up, getting hotter and hotter until it felt like I was boiling inside. I found a way to place my hands on his chest, pain and fire coursing through me until the moment I screamed.

My hands glowed with blinding white light, and I watched as Castiel flew off me and in to the wall behind him. For a moment, I caught sight of burn marks on either side of his chest.

He slumped against the wall, motionless, and for a terrifying moment all I could think was that I'd done it. Billie had been right, and I'd killed him.

When he stirred, I felt relieved. Then he opened his eyes, still red and burning with anger, and I knew I had to act fast.

I reached behind my head, feeling for the blood that was there and pooling around behind me. I coated my fingers in it and began tracing, hoping and praying that I was drawing it right. I couldn't turn my head to see the sigil, I had to keep my eyes on Castiel as he got up and once more began advancing, this time an angel blade in his hand.

I tried to get words out, tried to plead with him, but all that came out was a barely recognizable form of his name. He kept advancing, as though he didn't even hear me, and maybe he hadn't.

I just kept drawing the sigil, hoping it would be enough.

He raised the blade above his head just as I hoped I'd finished the sigil. I tried to get out some words, an apology, but couldn't.

I could only slam my hand down on my own blood, and watch as Castiel disappeared in another burst of white light.

From there, I laid back for a moment, feeling myself about to fall out of consciousness again. I barely remember scrabbling, grabbing a phone. Mine. I somehow still had the damn thing, and only by sheer luck was it not utterly destroyed.

I called Sam first, then Dean. No answer from both of them. I could barely croak out the word help, so I tried to send a text with the word.

I wasn't certain if it'd worked, but I hoped it did.

That was when I started fading again, back in to my own head. This is it. I thought. I wonder if Billie expected this, or imagined I'd last longer.

I faded in and out for a long time, continually trying to get a hold of Sam and Dean, or even just crawl to the door and scream for help. I didn't see Billie again, so maybe it wasn't my time yet. Maybe I was going to live.

I wasn't certain how much time had passed when I heard the voices of people behind me, commenting on something or other. Someone would be pleased to see me.

Uncaring hands grabbed me, lifting me up and sending pain throughout my whole body. Somebody shouted for me to shut up, and socked me in the face.

I was out for the count after that.