Disclaimer: No, I'm not dead, but after reading this, you'll probably wish I was. MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHA...cough...cough...ahem, sorry about that!

AN: Honestly disgusted with how this translated from mind to paper, so if you feel you can do it better, thank god, and please do.

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"Harry, did you enter your name into the Goblet of Fire, or ask someone to?" Adopting a Snape like sneer, Harry replied.

"It would appear the tales of your greatness have been exaggerated. Clearly, fame isn't everything." Dumbledore recoiled as if he'd been slapped. While Snape wanted to be disgusted at the brat for taking his line, the timing, delivery, and reactions to the statement forced the dour man keep his amusement hidden behind a mask of hatred.

"Mr. Potter!" McGonagall snapped.

"So Snape's allowed to say that to me in the very first class I ever had with him, after insulting me without provocation, but everyone gets mad when I do it. Typical." Harry asked, tauntingly. "Moving on, no, I did not have anything to do with being entered, and the fact that the people charged with teaching children can't see that this is an obvious murder plot bodes very poorly for the future of the magical world."

"Oh, is that so, Potter?" Snape spat. "Are you sure this isn't you trying to get more fame?"

As he still didn't understand why Dumbledore brought him to every meeting as the man never contributed anything intelligent to discussions, Harry ignored the git. "Surely the fact that an underage boy was entered into a contest historically known far more for its death toll than its winners, as a fourth contestant no less, is more than suspicious."

"Well, when you put it like that." Cedric admitted aloud.

"Oh, and just who do you think is trying to kill you, Potter?" Several pairs of eyes turned to Snape, all of them questioning his intelligence with their stare.

"If you must know, I've got several suspects already." Harry said. "Only three serious ones, but plenty of legitimate, if silly, ones."

"Silly?" Cedric couldn't help asking.

"Well, the Diviniation teacher has been predicting my death since my first class with her, and being so wrong is probably calling her credibility into question. As for my serious three, the first is Karkaroff." He made to protest, but Harry cut him off. "The simple fact that you were a Death Eater means that I will never trust you, and it also makes you a suspect given my involvement in your former master's demise- as insignificant as just being the target was. The same goes for suspect number two, Snape."

"Why you-"

"From the first day I came into your classroom, you've made it no secret that you've hated me based on nothing but the circumstances of my birth, and because I looked too much like someone you hated, and are still holding a grudge against despite him being dead now for over a decade. The fact that you've gone out of your way to torment me, and help the members of your house do so, it doesn't exactly look good for you."

"No, it doesn't." McGonagall hissed, glaring at Snape.

"My last suspect, and no offense to you sir, is Moody." Harry waited until the protests died down. "Every year that I've been a student here, the Defense professor has tried to kill me, so my suspecting Moody is justified."

"Explain." Came the gruff order from the scarred man.

"First year, Professor Quirrell tried to kill me when I was trying to stop him from getting the Philosopher's stone hidden here to resurrect Voldemort."

"Why were you trying to stop heem?" Maxime asked.

"Because McGonagall didn't believe me when I told her someone was trying to steal it." Harry said. "I'll admit, I was wrong at the time about Snape being the culprit, but his behavior towards me would have made him as big a suspect as Voldemort; and he actually tried to kill me."

"And the others?"

"Well, during that whole Chamber of Secrets thing, my friend's sister got kidnapped, so we went to that fraud Lockhart for help. When we got down there, he threatened to Obliviate Ron and I, and leave us and Ginny to die, then turn our fates into his next best seller. Last year, while not intentional, Professor Lupin almost killed Hermione and me when he transformed. Granted, he was trying to protect us from Sirius- who we thought was a mass murderer at the time- it still happened. Though, it does make me wonder, given how Snape knew where to find us as well, and his purpose for being in Professor Lupin's office in the first place, why didn't he bring the goblet of Wolfsbane with him?

This year, I get entered into a tournament that has had a 65 percent overall death rate- and the other 35 were usually the winners/sole survivors- for competitors since it's first attempt, so-"

"-so the lad is right to suspect two Death Eaters, and the teaching position that has a history of attempts on his life." Moody said, nodding in approval.

"So I take it that I'll be removed from the competition." What followed was a bunch of bull that Harry interpreted as him being forced to compete. "If I'm being forced to compete, then I expect an investigation to be made into how I was entered."

"Yes, Harry, it will be looked into."

"Well, based on my past experiences with authority figures in the magical world investigating things, you'll have to forgive me for not having hope anything will get done."

"How can you say that?"

"Because it took a second year Hermione just over six months to figure out the monster and how it was getting around." Harry replied. "And once we had her information, it took Ron and I less than a day to figure out the rest. Less than seven months, from the very first attack, for three second years to figure out and deal with the Chamber of Secrets threat. That being said, you have until the week before the third task to figure this out. At that point, I'll start arranging fatal accidents for those on my suspect list."

"You realize you just copped to murder, Potter." Snape taunted.

"Not that it matters, but it's actually me protecting myself."

"'ow does eet not matter?"

"Thanks to certain pureblood laws that you'll never succeed in getting revoked, I've got immunity." Harry said. "After all, House and Line extermination are punished very seriously unless the result of self-defense. My being the BWL and the very last member of the Pureblood Potter family means I could openly kill anyone I can prove is a legitimate threat to my life, and anyone bearing a Dark Mark is certainly that."