❤ Chapter One ❤

"Happy birthday, little girl." A hushed, singsong tone drifted into my ear, just as I was about to fall asleep.

I rubbed my eyes and squinted at the figure towering over my bed.

"Hey, mom," I whispered, as I scooted to the edge of my twin-sized bed, making space for the both of us.

My mom loved this birthday ritual where she would tell me the story of my birth, down to every last excruciating detail. I had listened to this same story every year until I started at Yale, when the chance to spend the eve of my birthday together became increasingly rare.

With my mom squeezed beside me, I put my arms around her, and nuzzled my cheek into the cradle of her neck. It felt like we were twenty years younger. In the dim light, I couldn't tell the tiny wrinkles around my mother's eyes that I knew was there. I remembered my own eyes, and the faint lines that would appear along the corners whenever I smiled into a mirror.

"I'm certainly not a little girl anymore." I smirked, almost sad at the realization.

"Nonsense, you came out of me. You'll forever be little in my eyes." My mom placed a gentle kiss on my forehead. "I can't believe how fast you grew up. And, now, there's something growing inside of you."

"Yeah, you were right, life does go by fast." I nodded, and sighed at the string of memories that played like a silent movie before my eyes.

I remembered the first time I met my childhood friend, Lane. My first day at Chilton. My first Europe trip with my mom. And, now, I'm experiencing what's probably one of the most terrifying firsts a woman could – pregnancy. Instinctively, I held my stomach, which was mostly flat, thanks to my mother's genes that encode for freakishly high metabolism, despite the amount of junk food we ate, and the fact that I was only a few weeks along.

My mom started, "It's hard to believe that at exactly this time many moons ago, I was lying in exactly the same position- "

"Oh boy," I chuckled lightly. "Here we go."

"Shh..." My mom put a finger to my lips. "This time I gonna recite the whole story in its glorious entirety without any interruptions, because its that good."

"Recite away, " I mumbled into her finger, while cracking a smile.

And so my mom went on about her fat stomach and fat ankles, but all I could think about was how ironic it was that I was back in this bed on my thirty-third birthday. If my sixteen-year-old self was given ten scenarios for what my life could be like at thirty-three, temporarily living at home after being impregnated by my ex-boyfriend, who I'm secretly still in love with, but has a fiancée of his own, was most certainly not what I would have pictured. Ever since the pregnancy test showed me the incredulous result, I finally understood that even I, Rory Gilmore, the girl who planned every minutiae detail of her life with a pro-con list, could not escape the mystical ability of life to trip you up. I suppose I knew that ever since I met Logan Huntzberger, my life would never be as simple and straightforward as it had been. For him, I broke the rules. I even stole a yacht for crying out loud. So it was really no surprise that the logical side of my brain seem to be of no use whenever he was around. I had loved him in my youth, like a first love, crazy love, and unrestrained love. Yet, love never seemed to be enough, as I would go on to turn down his proposal and, in turn, abandon the rose-colored promise of what could be a passionate, adventured-filled life together.

Looking back, knowing how it all turned out, I still couldn't say that I regretted my decision. For it was that decision that opened a hundred doors. I'd wanted independence, which I got in the years to come. However, I would be lying if I said I hadn't been broken for a long while. Even amidst the exhilarating experience of being a journalist on the Obama campaign, my feelings for Logan never really vanished. Which was why it was so terribly hard to resist the electricity between us when we met again, three years ago. We were standing in a room full of people, I was stuffing my face with delicious apple tarts, as lady-like as possible, when Logan came up to me. He walked right up to me, and said "Hey, Ace", like no time had passed between us. The confidence he exuded was exactly one of the things I had loved and missed so much. The truth is, no matter how long it had been since I saw Logan, he would always feel like home. Like we belonged together. It may sound entitled, presumptuous even, but I knew he felt the same way.

❤ Jump Then Fall ❤

The memory of that night, the night that started the friends-with-benefits arrangement between us, filled my heart with a small sorrow. If there was any moment I could change in my life, perhaps it would be the moment where we were lying in bed, holding onto each other's naked body.

Logan had asked, almost nonchalantly, "Ace, do you ever wonder what it would have been like if we settled down all those years ago?"

"Mmm…" I mumbled with my eyes closed, while shuffling into his torso just a bit more. Sleepily, I said without thinking, "Yeah, I've had nightmares about it, where our marriage never turns out well."

His body tensed beside mine. "What do you mean? Did I one day forget to feed you coffee on an hourly basis, and suffered unfathomable consequences afterward?" He chuckled, a bit too forcefully.

My cheeks flushed at the realization of what I had revealed. "Oh, it's nothing. I mean, we were so young. I wasn't ready for marriage."

I couldn't look at him. I couldn't understand why the idea of marriage was so hard for me to grasp. Maybe it was because I never had the best example of marriages growing up. Look at what happened whenever my mom was engaged or married to a guy, it just never ends well. Her and Luke only managed to maintain a long, stable relationship when they had given up on the idea of marriage. They had been together for 6 years now, with no mention of marriage that I know of.

"We're not so young anymore." Logan brushed a stray hair out of my face, and caught my gaze.

"Thanks," I said, sarcastically.

He smirked. "I mean, come on, Ace. Don't tell me you haven't been thinking of me all these years, cause I sure haven't been able to get you out of my head. When I saw you today, I saw the way you looked at me. Nothing has changed." He sighed, as if exasperated with my stubbornness. "What do you say we give it another shot?" He asked the question with his eyes intently on me. They spoke a language I couldn't quite understand.

His face, however, was so full of hope that my heart swelled. Logan had always been good with the grand words and gestures, and I had always been unable to resist them. But in that moment, I found myself uncertain about jumping into a relationship with this man. He was right, nothing had changed. Yet, what we once had seemed so out of reach. Lost.

"Logan… I don't know…" I started, "I didn't think this through when we got into bed together. If we start a relationship, it would be something serious right away, because it's us."

"I'm alright with that. Aren't you?"

"I- I- I don't know." My next words were caught in my throat. I was hurt badly by our last break up. I didn't know if I could handle it if our relationship fell through again.

Logan took my hand into his, and kissed my knuckles ever so gently. He looked at me with unwavering eyes, and softly said, "Okay, Ace. You don't have to decide now."

I bit my lip, trying to appear unfazed by those words that held so much care, trying to hide my insecurities. "But, we can still see each other like this?" The thought of not having him in my life was unpleasant, painful even.

A heartfelt grin spread across his lips as he replied, "Just like this."

❤ Jump Then Fall ❤

And that was how I unknowingly started a no-strings-attached arrangement with Logan once again. I knew that parts of me still loved him, but time had molded that love into a subdued pain. I felt it once in a while, whenever our eyes locked, whenever we said goodbye. Whenever I pictured him with someone else. If I hadn't been so scared of failure, and had agreed to give our relationship another chance, perhaps Logan and I could be happily married now, with our first baby on the way. Instead I was here in my childhood bed, spooning with my mother.

I glanced at my mom, and saw that she had drifted off into a serene sleep. Carefully, I got out of bed and made my way into the kitchen. Pulling out my phone, I twirled it in my hands before finally gathering enough courage to dial Logan's number. We had said goodbye in New Hampshire a while back, but I think we both knew that with us, it was never really goodbye. I wasn't planning on telling him about my pregnancy just yet, but I wanted so badly to hear his voice. After all, we had known each other for thirteen years, I reasoned. I wanted him to be one of the firsts to wish me a happy birthday.

Three rings resonated in my ear, before I heard the voice.

"Hello?" A female voice laced with a thick French accent came through the phone.

Nausea abruptly made its way down my stomach. I sat frozen in my spot, with my brain piecing together enough information to understand that it must be the voice of Odette, Logan's fiancée. At the realization, a pain went through me, so sharply that I had to hold my breath.

"My gorgeous fiancée is just about to step into the shower, so I will have to take a message." The woman continued with palpable humor in her tone, but I didn't find any of it funny.

Before I could hang up, I heard Logan's voice from afar. "Are you answering my phone? What if it's work?" Then, to my shock, I heard Logan chuckle just as Odette giggled, "Relax, it said it's an unknown caller. It's probably just some advertisement."

My felt my face turn scarlet at the sound of their unified amusement, like I had become a joke.

"Hello? Logan Huntzberger speaking." Logan finally picked up the phone.

My heart stopped at the sound of his voice, so familiar, yet now completely foreign. A fiery burn pierced through my eyes, causing me to squeeze them shut. I felt the tickle of a tear sliding down my cheek, and hastily hung up the phone. With my head in my hands, I tried to stable my breaths, and not make a sound. Realizing that I was shaking, I wrapped my arms around my body. Every tremor running through me was a reminder of what I had lost. I held in all processes going on in me, until it caused physical pain. Quickly putting my hand over my mouth, I stifled a cry before a wall broke loose, and tears flooded my eyes. Of course, Logan was someone else's now. Unlike all the books I had memorized, I could never retain the fact that Logan was now an engaged man. I was fooling myself into thinking he would always be mine. In my moments of indecision, someone else had come along, and taken him away.

That night, sitting shattered at my kitchen table, all I could think of was my night with Logan from three years ago. In my mind, images continued on replay, until I finally understood what Logan's eyes were telling me when he had asked for a second chance. There are some things in life you didn't get a second, or third chance in. Once you let it slip, it's just gone. What was once a beautiful possibility, is now an ugly regret. The feelings that hurt the most, the thoughts that sting the most, are those that long for what could have been, what would have been, if only you had the courage to never give it up.

Thanks for reading, and I would love to hear your thoughts!

SPOILERS FOR GILMORE GIRLS REVIVAL BELOW: Please DO NOT read on if you don't want to know what happens! Wait, actually, you shouldn't be reading this story if you don't want to know what happens in the revival.

So, I'm back to writing for Rogan after what I found to be a disappointing revival. :( To be honest, I really hated what they did with Rory and Logan's relationship, making them cheat on their significant others with each other, as if they were never even in a serious, long term relationship. I feel like this was just completely out of character, and such an insult to the beautiful relationship that Rory and Logan shared in the TV series! Okay, you can probably tell I'm a bit worked up, but I have come to terms with the revival, as long as I can write my own story of what happens afterward. I want to also try to give some background and explanations as to how Rory and Logan got stuck in a friends-with-benefits arrangement... (still so unbelievable to me, but that's the material I've got to work with, unfortunately.)

Other than the Rory and Logan plot, I thought Luke and Loreila's story was pretty good! Anyway, that's just my thought on the revival, what about yours? Did you enjoy the revival? Did you hate it? Also, any thoughts and comments about this chapter would be much appreciated! Thanks for reading, as always!