Disclaimer: I do not own anything belonging to Disney or the characters of Frozen.

XI

While Elsa did dine with her family most of the time, she usually was silent and left the table as soon as she could. If someone observed the royal family, he or she might think Elsa was being ignored or maybe deaf. Of course, neither of those was the case. Her family, including Anna had learned that it was best to leave Elsa alone.

Anna didn't understand. She never did. What made Elsa so distant, so closed off? Anna couldn't help but wonder if she'd done something wrong, something to make her older sister mad at her. The nine year old couldn't figure it out. Confused and hurt, she missed having a sister.

Occasionally, Anna still knocked on Elsa's door, hoping that she'd get a different response. Anna knew Elsa wouldn't invite her in, but she still hoped.

Anna was often bored. Whenever she tried talking with her parents, they'd listen for a while but eventually, they'd tell her they were too busy. Busy with what, paperwork? Ugh! Paperwork looked worse than the lessons that Anna had to do. Why did everything have to be so boring?

Anna tried to talk with the few staff that there was on the castle grounds but she was always shushed and pushed away. "Go be a good girl." How Anna hated being told to be good. Being good was boring. Not that Anna wanted to do something bad. She just wanted someone to play with, even talk with.

Having an imagination helped. Recently, Anna would imagine that the castle was haunted and that she was the only living person there. The castle was for the most part empty so that wasn't hard to imagine. She pretended that the staff was ghosts during the day. Anna had to sneak away food and water in the day hours without bring seen. While that was interesting, the unnerving feeling that she got bothered her. What if for some horrible reason that came true?

Other times, she'd pretend that she was the ghost haunting the castle of Arendelle. That was fun until she spooked herself enough to have nightmares. Once the King and Queen found out about the "hauntings", they put a stop to it.

Once again, Anna had nothing to do. True, there were her studies or the handiwork she was learning but that was so boring. Anna wished for something to happen. Anna wandered through the portrait room. Of course, she knew no one in those portraits personally. All those people lived years before Anna was born. Anna liked to make up stories about them. Things such as how they met, what they talked about, did the couples live happily ever after. Sometimes, Anna would pretend the people in the portraits were real and could talk. She knew it was a little odd to talk to paintings but it was something to do.

One day, Anna was chatting with Joan of Arc. Anna thought she was interesting, a girl fighting battles. They'd already "discussed" the battles and were now on to frivolous subjects. Anna changed her voice some, speaking for Joan of Arc, "So, Anna, what animal would you be if you could change into one?"

Anna thought for a brief moment, "Um, I'd be a bird. That way I could fly over the palace walls and go anywhere in the world. Then I'd change back into a girl. I'd meet new people and make friends; something I can't do here. Then when it's time to come home, I'd change back to a bird and fly home."

Anna didn't know that her mother had been looking for her and that she'd heard Anna's "conversation". Queen Idun frowned. Her daughter's loneliness saddened the Queen. She understood that both of her daughters, to different degrees, wished for freedom. However, that couldn't happen, not without getting Elsa's abilities under control.

The Queen sighed before entering the portrait room. "Anna, who are you talking to?"

Anna glanced up at the portrait, "Um, no one Mamma. I was just thinking out loud." The girl went over to her mother, who's now sitting on a bench. Anna flopped on the floor in an unladylike, definitely not princess-like way. She's lying on her back with all her limbs spread out. "Mamma, everything's sooo bor-ring There's nothing to do."

"Have you done your lessons?"

"Nooo but …if I do all my lessons NOW then my head will explode."

The Queen smiled down at her expressive daughter. "Oh really, your head would explode?"

"No, not really. It's just that if I keep stuffing knowledge in, all at one time, won't some of my old knowledge be shoved out? I mean, there's only so much room in a brain, right? I have to study a little at a time, you know, stretch things out. 'Cause I need to give each new piece of information time to settle into its nook and cranny in my brain. Otherwise, I'm afraid I'll forget everything."

"So that how it works?"

"It does for me."

"Well, I wouldn't want you to forget everything. It would do no good for you to forget your favorite dessert."

"Chocolate."

Anna rolled onto her stomach and propped her chin in her hands. Anna started kicking her feet in the air. "Mamma? Was it love at first sight when you met Papa?"

The King and Queen's marriage had been arranged. They barely knew each other let alone loved one another when they married. However, Queen Idun didn't want to disappoint her daughter about love. She was nine-years-old and there was plenty of time for Anna to learn how things work in real life, not in storybooks.

"When I married your father, I was extremely nervous. I didn't know if I could go through with it."

"Why not? Didn't you want to be Papa's wife?"

"I didn't know if I would be a good wife, a good queen. Marrying your Papa meant I was taking on a lot of responsibility. When I saw your Papa, though, he looked just as nervous as I felt. At that moment, I knew we'd be all right. It wouldn't always be easy. There were many things both of us needed to learn, but we would figure it out together."

"So, you were in love. You were so in love that's why you had me and Elsa. That's how it works," said Anna in a matter of fact tone. "A husband and wife love each other so much that they have babies."

"Well, maybe you're right about that. We did have two beautiful, lovely girls. One of whom needs to get back to her studies."

"Aww, Mamma …"

"You've had enough of a break. Go, do more of you lessons and later, I'll make you a snack."

"Something with chocolate?"

"Perhaps, but you'll never know if you don't get going. Now go."

The youngest princess picked herself off the floor and scampered through the door. The Queen smiled as she heard her daughter sing a song she made up about liking chocolate. Her smile faded as her thoughts turned to her other daughter. She looked to the direction of Elsa's room. It saddened the Queen that her eldest daughter couldn't be as carefree as Anna was. Idun was certain that Elsa wished for blitheness; for a chance to be normal.

The King and Queen heard the footsteps of someone running through the castle as they were having a conversation. They heard the rustling of skirts and they expected to see Anna running in.

Only Anna never came to see them. They scanned the hallway and we're surprised to see the person running had a blonde braid. Elsa. She didn't usually run indoors. Was there something wrong? The Queen gasped when she noticed a hint of a frosty trail. The trail evaporated in moments. Something was wrong.

By the time the King and Queen arrived at Elsa's room, the young girl was panicking, pacing. Elsa still wore her gloves, but frosty ice covered the wall behind her.

"Elsa, sweetie, what's wrong?"

Not hearing her mother, Elsa looked down at her gloved hands. Why was this happening?

"Elsa?"

"I-I'm scared."

It seemed obvious Elsa was afraid because of the ice but they had to know why. "Elsa, what happened?"

The twelve-year-old shook her head and held out her gloved hands in frustration. "I'm scared. It's getting stronger."

"What's getting stronger? Elsa, tell us what happened."

Elsa eyed her parents. Terrified they'd think she was a monster, but she knew they needed to know what had happened. She also knew she needed to calm down. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly before she started.

"I was in the courtyard, by myself. I guess I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a noise behind me."

The King clenched his hands into fists. Someone was sneaking up on his daughter?

"Startled, I turned around," continued Elsa, "and I, I …I didn't mean for it to happen."

The Queen understood how frightened her daughter must have been. She also saw how tense her husband was. She understood how upset he must be thinking one of his daughters could've been harmed. The Queen placed a calming hand on his arm. Elsa was upset and now wasn't the time for overreactions. "Elsa, please tell us what happened. We won't be mad, we just want to help."

Elsa bit her lip as she studied her parents. Would they truly understand? Could they understand? No one but her had powers of any sort. How could they possibly know or understand what she felt? However, they said they would listen and not get mad. They said they would help. Only, Elsa didn't know how they could help.

"Elsa?"

"A bird startled me. I know I should have been more careful but I was scared and it just happened."

"What happened, sweetie?"

Elsa looked at her parents then looked down. "I struck it with a blast of ice." Panic filled her eyes when she looked back up at her parents. "I didn't mean to do that. You have to believe me."

"We believe you. What happened to the bird?"

Elsa's face crumpled, "I don't know. It was covered with ice and gasping for air. I, I was scared and ran away."

"I'll go check on it," said the King.

In the courtyard, the King found a small bird, a sparrow, on the ground. It was still. The bird had some ice still on its wings. He closed his eyes and sighed. Elsa had killed the bird. He knew it was an accident but what if it had been a person, not a bird. What were they going to do? Was she right? Were her powers getting stronger?

When the King returned to her room, Elsa looked at him. He saw the hope in her eyes but hated seeing the fear there as well.

"Papa?" Elsa was almost afraid to ask.

"I'm sorry, Elsa, the bird didn't make it."

"Oh no! What did I do?"

The King reached out to comfort his daughter. Instead of going to him, Elsa recoiled as if she was afraid of her father. "No! Don't touch me!"

Not wanting to add to her anxiety, the King stepped away from Elsa. Hearing the fear and desperation in their daughter's voice shocked the King and Queen. Was she really afraid of them?

Her words came out harsher than she'd intended. Seeing their confused and hurt expressions, Elsa knew she'd said the wrong thing. She had to say something to make them understand that she wasn't afraid OF them but FOR them. "I-I don't want to hurt you," Elsa said in a softer, apologetic tone.

The King and Queen exchanged concerned looks. Could she harm them? They knew it wouldn't be on purpose, but could it happen? The King stood protectively between his wife and daughter.

Elsa stared at her hands as what happened sunk in. She'd killed something. Tears filled her eyes.

Elsa was upset about the bird dying. She felt that it was her fault. Her parents tried to tell her wasn't her fault but Elsa felt like a monster. Her parents tried to tell her she wasn't.

Upset and scared, Elsa started to cry. She didn't want to feel like that but she didn't want to be a monster. She didn't want everyone to fear her. The frost behind Elsa began to grow until it covered the entire wall. Nothing her parents did could calm her down. Elsa did try to calm down and stop crying. She knew it was childish and foolish to cry like that but she couldn't help it. She was afraid she'd accidentally hurt someone. What if she hurt someone like she'd hurt Anna? Or worse, what if she killed someone like she'd killed the small bird? Everyone would learn her secret. She would be labeled as a monster. She'd be taken away from her family and locked up. Elsa's family was all she had. She couldn't imagine being separated more than she currently was.

Frustrated, the King repeated, "Elsa, calm down. Getting upset only makes it worse." However, when he spoke, he sounded irritated.

"Elsa, enough!" said that Queen, her voice sharp and strained. "Enough. Grow up. This is getting out of hand."

At the sound of the sharpness in her mother's voice, Elsa stopped both her crying and her powers. With tears still on her lower lashes, Elsa looked back and forth at her parents. Not only had she made her parents worry, she'd made them angry.

The King let out a weary sigh. Usually, his wife was so calm. She'd be the one to calm him. She must be truly frustrated to snap at Elsa like she had. He sighed again and wondered if this was what they had to look forward to with Elsa's teenaged years looming. "We are all worked up right now. Let's leave Elsa alone for awhile. We all need to calm down."

Once she was alone, Elsa thought about what had just happened. She thought she was an ungrateful, undeserving, horrible daughter. They'd given up so much to protect her. They'd probably worried about her from the first moment she'd used her powers, her awful powers. They were only trying to help her but she could've hurt them. She hated her powers. They were useless except for causing pain and destruction.

Elsa sighed. They must have been terrified that Anna would turn out like she had. But they had to take that chance and hoped their second child would be normal. No wonder she didn't have anymore siblings. Her parents couldn't risk it. They couldn't put anymore children in harms way.

She looked down at her gloved hands. She couldn't even hug them because of her horrible powers. Who would want someone like her for a daughter? No wonder they were mad at her. She couldn't do the simple thing her papa told her to do. Conceal it, don't feel it. That didn't work.

As Elsa tried to figure out a better way to control her powers, she fell asleep. When she woke up, she was surprised to find a blanket had been placed on her. Had her mother or father come in to check on her?

Elsa rubbed her eyes. They felt gritty and puffy. She didn't like that. Elsa didn't cry often, not even as a small girl. She also didn't like how she felt after making her parents upset. Was it a good sign that someone had come to check on her? Or had they come back to punish her?

When her stomach growled, Elsa realized it was later that she thought. She'd slept through dinner.

Hungry, Elsa took off her shoes so she could sneak down to the kitchen. She knew she wasn't ordered to stay in her room, at least not yet. She simply wasn't in the mood to see her parents at the moment. Tomorrow would be soon enough.

As she crept through the hallway, she stopped short of her parents' room. Was her mother crying?

"Agdar, we can't do that. She's our daughter."

"I know and I don't want to do that but we may not have a choice. If Elsa is right and her powers are getting stronger, there may come a day when she can't control them. I don't want to lock her up, but we have to do what's best to protect her and everyone else."

All thoughts of food disappeared. What? Lock her up? They might lock her up?

Without making a sound, Elsa staggered back to her room. Why wouldn't they lock her up, she was a monster, wasn't she?

In her room, moonlight poured through her windows. Standing in that moonlight, Elsa faced the windows but didn't see anything. She tried to understand what was happening. Her parents might lock her up? Lock her up like some criminal. But wasn't she worse than that? Wasn't she a monster?

Would they lock her in the dungeon? Elsa had explored the dungeon under the palace with Anna several years ago, back when they could be together. Arendelle was a peaceful country. The dungeon wasn't used often.

Elsa felt her fingers start tingling. Her powers were starting. No. She couldn't do that. She had to stop her powers. They'd caused enough trouble.

She focused on pulling her powers back. It took her full concentration to stop them. It took even more energy to reverse the frost that had formed around her.

She could effortlessly create ice and snow. Sometimes she didn't have to think about doing it. However, stopping and reversing them took too much from her. Elsa swayed from the exertion. As the last of the frost disappeared and her fingers finally stopped tingling, she dropped to her knees. She collapsed onto her side, gasping for air.

Elsa wiped the sweat from her forehead as she tried to catch her breath. It would be impossible to do that every time she used her powers. It'd be far easier to stop them before they started. But how? She was doing what her father told her to do. She wore the gloves every second of every day. It was difficult at first but she'd learned to do everything while wearing gloves, even bathing. She did what he said, she concealed her powers. But it wasn't enough.

Were here powers getting stronger? Would they overtake her? Would she end up looking like the monster she felt she was? If that happened, everyone would know with a glance who she really was. Would that put her family in danger?

As Elsa regained her composure, she searched for a solution.

A thought came to her mind. She covered her mouth to prevent a cry from escaping. That was probably the only solution, but could she do it? It was already hard enough pushing her family away as much as she had. Could she sever everything just so they could have a chance? Could she sacrifice herself for their wellbeing?

Elsa didn't see that she had a choice. She had to keep her family safe. If her secret ever got out their safety would be threatened.

The young girl choked back a sob as she thought about what she needed to do. As she was currently, she was a monster. She didn't understand how her parents could love her. She didn't think she deserved their love. She'd caused too much trouble. To try to fix that, Elsa decided to sacrifice herself emotionally.

Elsa knew she couldn't simply hide away her powers. She needed to do more. She needs to do something to make things better if not right. She had to stop feeling. When she got emotional, when she reacted, things happened. She shouldn't react. She shouldn't feel. No emotions, no powers.

Her mamma was right. She needed to grow up. After all, she was going to be queen one day. A queen needed to be responsible. Elsa decided to refrain from all emotions. She must conceal and not feel.

'Pa-Father was wrong. It wasn't "Conceal it, don't feel it". It's conceal, don't feel.'

That's what she needed to do. Conceal and not feel. If she could do that, then maybe someday, she could be someone her parents were proud of instead of someone they were ashamed of.

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