Hello all!

This is the start of the re-written story. Hope you all like!

The spark was gone. That light she had once possessed...that beaming, strong light that made her eyes, everything about her, glow. It had run away - no, she had destroyed it… Of course, she didn't really give a fuck anymore...she doesn't really feel anything anymore; just a painful numbness. The members of STARISH haven't noticed it yet but she knew they weren't stupid...they would figure it out eventually. The only reason she hadn't sought out help was because she didn't want them to worry about her. So, not wanting to be a burden to anyone - especially STARISH - she put up a front; she plastered on a fake smile and fooled all those that knew her.

Looking at herself in her bedroom mirror, however, she knew she couldn't keep the charade up for much longer. It wasn't just the light in her eyes that had dimmed, her appearance was beginning to suffer as well, which she thought was a perfect reflection of her quickly declining mental state. Dark, hideous bags were prominent under her honey eyes; her once pink, smooth and healthy skin was now a sickly pale with a few spots decorating her once cheerful face. Salmon-pink hair was now dull and flat whereas it used to be vibrant and full. As she stood, staring at what she supposed was herself, she couldn't stop the tears that escaped and ran down her cheeks before finally falling to the floor. A tiny, pathetic sound escaping seemed to break her leftover resolve as she slumped to the floor, a fresh wave of self-hatred washing over her.

One moment she was a sobbing mess, and the next the mirror was shattered and her knuckles were bleeding. Shaking, wailing and, now, bleeding, she let out a scream rip out of her. She felt like she was drowning in a sea of her own making, a sea full of regret, despair, self-hate and insecurities. It was one of those times where you can feel everything and yet nothing at all; where you can see all yet you might as well be blind. When your body convulses due to the constant shaking, when your eyes puff up red from crying, when you want nothing more than to disappear...this was how Nanami Haruka felt in that moment.

Tears still streaming down her face, Haruka looked around her for the first time since stopping in front of the mirror. There was glass everywhere. It surrounded her, little shards of her reflection splattered around, and on, her...

She hadn't meant for this to happen.

Haruka's face screwed up as her tears continued with a vengeance, leaving her heaving and broken and exhausted. In a daze, she noticed a shard of glass, larger than the others, resting on her lap. Little cuts here and there on her bare legs from the spraying glass caught her interest, capturing her attention.

A long time ago, she had promised someone she would never do it again but now...now that person was no longer around and things were starting to get unbearable. She didn't want to disappoint anyone, not really, but who would it hurt if no one even knew?

Without further thought on the matter, she picked the shard up and brought it down to her thighs, making short, beautiful red lines appear on porcelain skin. She cut herself until she began to grow dizzy from what she presumed was blood loss - she had forgotten what harming herself felt like and she could honestly say she had missed the hell out of it.

Sometime during all of that, she had stopped her weeping and was beginning to calm, though her body was still plagued with tremors. Honestly, she couldn't decide if she felt better or worse, though with the dried tears, snot, blood-shot eyes and constant stinging sensation of her thighs, she could probably say she felt worse.

In the morning, when she had gotten some well-deserved rest, she would probably come to regret her decision but, well, she would deal with that problem when she came to it.

Thank you for all your support; feel free to review and let me know what you think!