Hello, everyone!
The user itsallgleektome wrote a review to my story Their son, where they asked me if I could do a prequel of sorts. While they would've liked flashbacks, I didn't think those would fit too well in that story. Instead, I'm now writing this collection of one shots that all take place prior to Their son. You can read it without knowing the story though, I think. (Edited in while uploading chapter 6: You just should know that Their son starts with Tori coming to HA, which means, as this is a prequel story to that fic, that she won't be in this at all.)
I won't update very regularly, but as they are all one shots, I think that's fine. I hope I can do an update at least once a month – don't expect another chapter this year anymore. I will very likely also write other stuff in between. And if you have read Their son, you will find a lot of situations in these one shots, you already read about there.
I will go about everything kind of chronically. But really only kind of. The third chapter for example will be about Lane, will pick up right where the second one shot ended, will then have a lot of time jumps with Benji even being born in the end. The theme will just be Lane all throughout the situation. The next one shot will then pretty much pick up after the first scene of the Lane-chapter with another topic. Is that confusing? I guess so. I hope it won't be when you read each one shot.
You can of course also wish for certain things, certain situation or whatever. Maybe, you have read Their son and want to read something which is talked about there.
I already have at least 15 chapters planned. Some will probably only have 3000 words (and may have several independent scenes inside of it), others will be much much longer. I already see the next one being extremely long.
I try putting trigger warnings everywhere I deem them necessary and directly have to say for this chapter that there is serious talk about abortion. And there's also sex mentioned.
Okay, that's finally it. For now. Have fun reading! :)

No. No, it can't be.

She stares onto the pregnancy test in her hand. Two lines. That means she's pregnant.

But she can't be. She just can't be pregnant. That would ruin everything. It would ruin her life. It would ruin her future. She can't have a baby. How could she at her age? How could she at all?

Maybe, she has understood the test wrong. She looks back into the instructions. The first is the control line, which shows up if the test still works. If the second line shows up as well, it means you're pregnant.

She gets sick. Not that she hasn't felt sick in the mornings over the last few days. God, which just proves that she is in fact pregnant. How could she have not seen that ealier?

Though... Of what use would it have been to notice earlier? When the condom broke, she just should have directely taken the morning after pill. How stupid can she be that she didn't? But it was just that one time. She didn't think much about it. And now, her life is over.

.

.

She tries to ignore it. As if it wouldn't be true if she would just forget about it. As if there wasn't a baby growing inside of her, as soon as she would ignore it.

But she knows that won't happen. She knows there is this baby and she knows she has to find a way out of it. But what can she do?

Now that there is this baby, there is no way to undo it. Yes, there is the option of abortion, but it's not like she will be able to pretend like it never was there then.

She can barely breath, whenever her thoughts get back to it, which happens constantly.

Their group of friends meet up the next day. She doesn't feel much like it, would rather stay alone in her room, at least until end of summer break, which still goes for two and a half weeks.

And it's not like she isn't constantly mean to her friends, but just not coming though they have said they would meet up?

She shows up, but barely talks to Beck all while they eat together and then have a small jam session at Andre's. It makes Beck angry at first, then worry, then angry again. She knows his anger in the end hides his worry as well. After all, she doesn't even lash out at him, like she usually does when he raises his voice at her.

But she just can't at the moment, because she knows, when she starts yelling at him or anything, she will tell and... she can't, can she?

Though he is the father of this child. She has to tell him. He has to know about it. She absolutely doesn't know what to do yet, barely can get a straight thought, but he should know either way.

But the thought of telling him, also makes fear flare up inside of her. What if he will leave her? What if he will say it's her fault, she should have known better?

And she knows he's better than that, he will know that it's his fault just as much, but... she can't help but be deeply scared that she will be alone after this. That her stupidness will take everything from her, everyone she loves and her future. She can't imagine her mother being too happy about this after all as well.

But Beck first.

She makes her mother drive her to his place that evening and watches her leave, before she takes a deep breath and knocks on the RV.

.

.

He doesn't know what's going on with her. She isn't usually like that and he knows something has to be wrong. But what can he do if she doesn't tell him?

It does make him angry, because he just gets so desperate every time she doesn't feel good and he doesn't know how to help her. It hasn't happened all that often until now as they also aren't together for that long, don't even know each other one whole year. But it has happened, regarding her father for example and he hates it.

He doesn't know what it could be this time, and he wants to go to her and demand to know what's up, but he knows he will push her away with that. He does know her well enough for that.

He will just have to wait unil she's ready to talk to him – he's surprised to see her standing in front of the RV that same evening. Well, he would have thought she would still need at least one more day with the extreme way she behaved today.

He lets her in and locks the door behind her, before he asks, them not having exchanged a word of greeting: "Are you finally ready to tell me what's up with you?"

He watches how she bites her inner cheek and... what can it be that it's so hard for her to say?

Finally, it comes: "I'm pregnant."

"What?" he makes, before he conciously realizes what she said.

She's what? She can't be. She can't be pregnant. She can't have a baby inside of her. His baby.

He feels some sort of pressure on his ears and like a rug gets pulled out under him. He drops down on his bed.

"Oh, my god," he says. "Are you sure?"

It can't be true. But Jade snaps at him: "I am smart enough to do those tests right."

So, she did one of those tests. They can be wrong, right? It's not like a doctor told her she's pregnant.

Though... No, those tests are right, aren't they? And Jade wouldn't be here and wouldn't tell him if she would even consider it not being true.

"How did it happen?" Beck desperately asks. He knows he has to be the father. He knows Jade didn't sleep with another boy.

Jade rolls her eyes, is annoyed because she's desperate as well and tries to cover it, Beck knows. "Well, if a man and a woman..."

Okay, they don't have the time for her to be like that. "No," he quickly says. "When?"

"You do remember that time that the condom broke, right?"

He feels sick. Yes, there was that one time. They both didn't think anything of it.

"It was only one time," he helplessly says. It can't be true that they behave dumb about it one time and she directly gets pregnant, can it be?

Jade sharply answers: "That's all that's needed, Beck."

He puts his face in his hands and tries to breath calmly, though he feels like he's close to hyperventilating.

Okay. Jade is pregnant. She carries his child. His child.

"What do we do?" he asks, looking back up, still having trouble breathing.

Jade has watched him, white as a ghost, her arms crossed. She's clearly afraid.

She shrugs slightly.

Beck takes a deep breath as they look into each other's eyes. Okay. They can't panic.

"What are our options?" he asks, trying to bring some reason back, some ground to talk about.

Jade shrugs again. "We could abort."

For a moment, that suggestions lies between them, then Beck stands up and asks gently: "Do you want to do that?" Is that the simple solution? Is abortion a simple solution?

Jade digs her fingernails into her shirt. "I don't know yet. I can't have it."

Beck gets closer to her. So, she isn't set on an abortion, she just doesn't know what else to do. He says: "You could also have it and we could give it up for adoption."

They look into each other's eyes again, before Jade suddenly drops her face into her hands. "Oh, god."

Beck knows that this isn't about his suggestion. It's about the fact that they even need to talk about this, that they have to make a decision.

"We'll get through this, Jade," he says though. Because no matter how bad it looks now, they will survive it.

"I'm pregnant," Jade says, desperately, looking back up to him, letting her hands sink again.

"I know," Beck assures her. He understands the problem. He understands that this is bad. Still... He takes her face in his hands. "But we'll think of something. I love you."

Their lips meet for a kiss and without another word, they end up lying on his bed and just holding each other, until her mother comes to pick her up.

They meet each other again the next day, which is a Thursday. They just meet for lunch, though Jade doesn't feel like eating all that much anymore since she has made that pregnancy test. She gets sicker, the more she thinks about it.

"How are you feeling?" Beck asks, when Jade sits down at the table with him. He took the bus here, while she was able to walk from her house. He was already here, when she just now arrived.

And that's not a question, he usually asks.

She just shrugs. What is she supposed to answer? That she feels like dying, that she freezes every time she thinks about that baby inside of her, that she is sick and exhausted and could possibly go into a panic attack any second?

Beck takes her hand in his over the table. She's sure he knows at least part of her thoughts, knows about the chaos inside of her. He must feel similiar – though not the same, because this baby isn't inside of him, his hormons don't start raging and he actually has the chance to walk away from this at least partly, even if he doesn't even think about it. She can't walk away from this, even if she would want to. She is the one, who definitely has to make a decision and who has to live with it the rest of her life.

Gently, Beck now asks: "Do you think you should visit your doctor?"

She looks down to their intertwined hands, her other hand subconciously lying down on her stomach. Her doctor... What will he say? Not like it's any of his business, but... she knows noone will be impressed with her getting pregnant at fifteen.

"I should," she says anyway. If the pregnancy or the baby isn't healthy, there would be no decision for her to be made. She could just let nature have this.

Beck nods, apparently relieved that she took his suggestion: "Good. I want to know you're fine and your body is healthy. And maybe, we're in luck and you are not..." He suddenly takes a look around, apparently remembering they are in public. Lamely, he adds: "You know..."

She does know. He thinks the test could have still been wrong and maybe, she isn't pregnant after all. He doesn't feel what she does. It's not his body that suddenly seems eager to prove it's pregnant.

.

.

They don't talk about it anymore that lunch, but kiss even longer than usual as a good-bye.

That evening, she calls him.

"So, I have an appointment with my gynecologist next Tuesday."

"Good," he says. He has hoped, Jade would tell him about it – and he has hoped she would get an appointment that quickly. He just wants to make sure she is okay. She has seemed so sick yesterday, right when she came over; not to mention the day before that. He can understand that. He feels sick himself, and scared. He can imagine it's worse for her, because she's always so insecure and probably expects everyone to leave her because of this mistake they made together.

But maybe, her body itself is also sick, maybe her body suffers under the pregnancy. Though yes, he does still have this small hope that it all turns out to be an error.

In any case... As he's worrying about Jade and wants her to know he's there and with her on this, he naturally asks: "Want me to come with you?"

For a moment, Jade doesn't answer, then: "If you have the time." Which means she definitely wants him to come. She's usually so open and direct about what she wants; not when she feels insecure.

And he would like to be there anyway. He just hasn't known if she would appreciate him there, is it her doctor after all.

"I do," he now quickly says.

They stay on the phone for a long time after that, without saying another word.

.

.

They only text over the weekend, and not at all about the pregnancy. Maybe, they both pretend a little, like it's not there, though it's constantly on both their minds. But Beck's grandparents are visiting and he has decided before this mess to spend the weekend with them and Jade planned to visit her father anyway on Saturday and says it's also fine if they don't see each other the rest of the weekend as she would like to be alone.

Jade makes her mother drive her to Beck's house on Tuesday, from where they can go together to her doctor's office. She has picked her own gynecologist when she needed the pill, and on purpose went to a different one than her mother. She is more than glad now that she did. She knows her doctor isn't allowed to tell anyone anything, but she knows her mother's doctor from when she was still so little she always had to come with her mother to every appointment she had, and she knows that woman would've blabbed.

She doesn't need her mother to know. Not yet. Though she guesses, she has to tell her sooner or later. Maybe, she doesn't if she decides on an abortion. She still has to read up if she's legally allowed to do that on her own, without her mother ever having to know.

Beck and she barely exchange a word. He asks her again if the feels okay, which she doesn't react to, then they are on their way.

She's nervous to tell her doctor. It will be only the second time she will speak out loud that she's pregnant, the second person to know.

Beck grabs her hand as they sit together in the waiting room, him probably being at a gynecologist's office for the very first time, and definitely also nervous.

She takes a deep breath as she intertwines her fingers with his.

They don't need to wait too long, then they already sit opposite of Dr. Feldman after a greeting and Beck quickly introducing himself as Jade's boyfriend. The doctor now asks: "So, how can I help you? I imagine you want to talk about something else and more than just when to start taking your new pill as you brought your boyfriend."

Naturally, they would've started talking about the new pill soon. She was supposed to come again next month to talk about it, to figure out if the symptoms are gone. She had had weird aches in her head and her back and has easily felt naseous for some time. Her mother had suggested, after she finally told her, that it could be because of her pill. Dr. Feldman agreed and wanted to make sure it was because of that in leaving her off of any pill altogether for a while, in hope the symptoms would stop. Then, she was supposed to try a new pill.

But she doesn't need a new pill now. It's too late for that. After taking another deep breath, she gets right to the point: "I'm pregnant."

Dr. Feldman needs a moment. He just looks at her in surprise, then he asks: "Didn't you protect? We talked about how you would need to use condoms even more, when you don't take the pill."

"We did use condoms," Jade angrily answers. She isn't a total idiot. Though... "It just... broke one time."

Beck quickly puts in: "We kind of didn't think too much of it at the time. How big are the chances?"

He shrugs helplessly. Okay, they clearly are idiots.

Dr. Feldman rubs the back of his neck, watching both of them. "What do you plan to do?"

"We don't know yet," Jade honestly answers. An answer she doesn't like to give. She wants to know, she wants to be the person with the answers, who always knows what she wants and how to go about her life. This baby screws all of that up. She doesn't know anymore. She can't imagine any kind of future anymore.

Beck raises his voice again: "She did one of those tests. Maybe, it has been wrong."

Jade glances to Beck, who watches her doctor so intently. He really hopes that that is the solution to all of this. That after all, the test wasn't right. He still can hope that. She hasn't told him that she may still be far away from showing, but her jeans and skirts already close tighter.

"That's unlikely," Dr. Feldman also says and then turning back to Jade: "Which week would you be in if you are pregnant?"

Jade has tried to remember the exact date earlier because she knew it would come up. She knows if she decides for an abortion, there is a timeline of sorts. But she doesn't know exactly, and now says: "The condom broke about... six weeks ago." And there is no other time, where it could've happened.

"Do you know when your last menstruation has been?" her doctor asks.

God. Great. Now they have to talk about her menstruation in front of Beck. It's weird.

She tries not to show any sign of embarrassment and answers: "It's all messed up since the last pill." Her menstruation has been all over the place since then.

Dr. Feldman calmly says: "We usually count weeks from the first day of your last menstration. But if you say it happened about six weeks ago, we would call it about eight weeks pregnant. Well... How about we just take a look? Of course, I also need to take blood and everything, but a sonogram is the easiest way to see right away if something's up. It might be a little early if you are only eight weeks in, but that way, we also can make sure quickly, everything is alright."

So, they do that. Dr. Feldman explains about making a sonogram and Jade expects what she sees in movies. Instead, Dr. Feldman wants to do a vaginal sonogram, because they will definitely see something then and a normal one could be difficult this early, apparently.

Jade doesn't want to witness Beck her being examined like that, but... She has invited Beck to come here with her and... before she can even seriously think about throwing him out, they already get started.

"So, you're definitely pregnant. There is your baby," Dr. Feldman finally says and turns the monitor, so they can see. He points out the little thing that isn't as little as Jade would've imagine. She's almost sure to already see where the head is and where the rest of the body. Maybe, she can even see some legs there. Gosh.

"Oh, wow," Beck also quietly makes. "That's inside of her right now?"

Jade snaps annoyed: "No, he made that video weeks ago." It's just a dumb question. More important somhow is: "Is everything okay with it?"

"It looks right like it's supposed to," Dr. Feldman says and starts pointing out everything as he continues: "You can already see its head and body and its limbs starting to grow. And there is its heart."

"It's beating," Beck breathes.

It is. Jade also can see it clearly. She hasn't known it starts beating already at such an early stage. She has more than one beating heart inside of her now, one from a whole other human being, that's growing inside of her. It makes her feel scared and at the same time deeply... happy.

"It is," Dr. Feldman also confirms. "Well, let me measure the sac."

He gets to work, while Jade looks over to Beck. His gaze is still captured by the screen, by the little beating heart. She feels like suffocating as she realizes that he doesn't want the abortion anymore. Now, that he has seen this child inside of her, he won't be able to agree to an abortion anymore. But what if that's the way she wants to go? She can't have this child. How could she?

Dr. Feldman gives them a print out of the sonogram and tells them that everything looks good, that she is in fact eight weeks pregnant, closer to nine and that she's approxomately due 16th March. So, if she keeps this child, she will definitely be a mother by April next year.

.

.

"What are you thinking?" Beck asks Jade when they are back in the RV.

She shrugs, sitting down on his bed. He watches her lying her face down in her hands and hesitates for a moment, before he sits down right next to her.

"It's a really tough decision," he says, because it is. He knows, she's scared of what's to come. He is, too. He hasn't known before that he could feel scared like this. But the whole idea of their child... of his child... they can't be parents yet. But at the same time... Can they really abort this child? Since he has seen the beating heart, he knows he doesn't want the child to be aborted. He wants it to live, because it already does in a way.

But he knows this isn't his decision alone to make. Maybe, it isn't his decision at all. He has thought about it on the way home, as Jade and he have walked next to each other without exchanging a word.

If they decide to do an adoption for example, it would be much harder on Jade than on him. She would have to go through pregnancy and birth, her body would change and possibly even be at risk. He knows she has to decide this. She has to decide if she's willing to go through with it or not.

He now carefully lies his hand on her back and is glad that she doesn't pull away from him.

Instead, she finally looks back up to him. "If we wouldn't abort... would you want to keep the child or give it up for adoption?"

"I don't know," he honestly says. He can't imagine raising a child at their age. But anyway: "I think we should first decide if this child will get born or not. I mean... We know we have different options if we don't want an abortion."

Jade looks at him for a moment, before she softly says: "If I don't get an abortion, everybody will know. Even if we give it up for adoption..."

That's of course true. Everybody will know and talk about Jade. And it's not like Jade cares too much about what other people say about her. But some things are too much for everyone. And he knows she never likes anybody assuming she's dumb or something alike. They both know people will consider her dumb for getting pregnant. Everybody will judge over her. And he knows there's no use in telling her he'll stand by her, because he wouldn't have to suffer through the same thing. Beck doesn't need Jade to tell him. He also knows that teenage girls get judged way harsher than teenage boys, that girls are considered to be responsible for protection. And as soon as she would be showing, everybody would look at her and directly see of her mistake, while nothing would show on him.

That's why he thinks it should be her decision. She would have to suffer so much more either way.

That's why he doesn't really know what to say and finally, she shakes her head, before she pushes her face back into her hands. "It's just a mess."

"It is," he agrees. It is a mess either way, it is a tough decision. How much he has thought over the last few days that he'd just like to tell his parents and for them to make it okay again. His parents always were able to make everything bad go away when he was a child. But he knows they won't be able to make this go away. Nobody just can make it go away. Not even an abortion will make it go away fully.

He slowly adds: "Sadly, we can't just turn back time."

"Too bad," Jade dryly says, not looking up again, instead starting to knead her temple. Sounding angry, she then says: "And I can't seem to grab a clear thought."

Beck gets that feeling. He also can barely think straight. Since he saw that beating heart earlier, he's sure he doesn't want an abortion anymore, but he also can't imagine in the slightest what to do then, how to go about it, whom even to talk to about an adoption or to possibly make it work if they would want to keep it. It's all just this big mess, they need to work through, step by step.

"Want to talk about it?" he now asks, though he's sure she doesn't at the moment. He may not even know her for a year at this point (which makes her being pregnant by him already so much worse), but he does know her well enough to know that.

He may think it would do both of them good to talk about it, to talk through it, to really talk about their options, but if he pressures her, she will just leave and will hate him for it. He needs to stand by her now, needs to be there for her in the way she needs him to.

Therefore, he decides, when she just says nothing: "Okay, then... How about we both just take some time to think about it and talk about it again when we're ready?"

Jade sighs almost silently, finally looking at him again. "We have to make the decision soon."

"We do," Beck agrees. Because if they decide on an abortion, they will have to do it soon, or time will take the option away.

But for now, they really don't talk about it anymore. They just sit in silence, until Jade says with a shrug that she'll call her mother to pick her up.

.

.

She already knows for a week about the pregnancy when they finally go see the doctor. It doesn't get easier. It still has barely sunken in, she still feels absolute horror thinking about it.

Her mind is all over the place at all times. Beck and she really don't talk about it anymore. She's glad. She has to think about this on her own. Not that she has a clear thought at any point, but she feels like she needs some distance to get some. She can't have Beck talking to her now. The thought of him and this child, already makes her sick. It's just that she knows that he wants to keep the child, that he wants it to be born. How can she get a rational thought about this if Beck is constantly on her mind? If Beck scares her as well?

Because if she decides to abort it though Beck doesn't want that... He will leave her. He will hate her for it and will leave her and... she loves him. She loves him so damn much that it hurts. She can't have him hate her. Which is scary enough as they are only a couple for half a year now, but she's already so deeply drawn to him.

But who guarantees her that he will stay if she decides to have this child? And what if he then wants to keep it while she wants to give it up for adoption? Or the other way around? If she decides in his sense then again, will that guarantee for him to stay? Will she be able to live with herself, if she just decides for something because of him?

She doesn't want to keep thinking about all of it, wants to forget it just for a few minutes. But it keeps being in her mind constantly, and she knows it's on Beck's too, when they meet on Wednesday and go to the theater as they have long planned and talk about the play afterwards, as if nothing had changed, as if she wasn't pregnant.

They are both actors. It isn't easy, but they manage. They don't behave normally when they meet with their friends on Friday, but Jade is sure they are able to make them believe that they have just been fighting and are weird because of that. They don't think Jade could be pregnant or that there otherwise suddenly is a terrible secret, both of them aren't able to handle.

She goes home with Beck afterwards. They have talked it about on Wednesday that she could stay over on the weekend. She wonders if Beck only suggested it in hope they would talk about it then. They probably should talk about it. And as she barely can look her mother into her eye at home, she is glad for the chance to get out while her mother will be home the whole weekend.

Of course, her mother warns her again to not let anything happen and Jade gets sick and can't roll her eyes about it like she usually does. Their parents have just now allowed it for this break over summer for them to sleep over every now and then. They rarely have yet. At the beginning of summer break, they have only been a couple for half a year, have dated for some more months, since they have gotten to know each other at the beginning of last school year.

Well... Their parents haven't exactly allowed it. They have informed their parents and especially his have fought with him a lot about it, but they had to accept it. (Her mother has known there were more important fights with Jade to fight, so she let it easily slide.) Suddenly, it makes her sick. Because the exact thing happened, their parents were afraid of. Though to be fair... They had had sex before – and she didn't get pregnant, while she was with him over night. Instead, she has come over early for them to meet up with their friends together, and they still had some time and it happened.

Tonight, they don't have sex and they have an extremely calm Saturday, both in thoughts about what to do and at the same time avoiding the thoughts as best as they can. Beck watches her from time to time but she ignores it. She is sure he wants to talk about it, but she doens't think she's ready yet.

He falls asleep quickly on Saturday evening, while her mind is running wild and she turns and throws herself around. Well... Maybe, it is time to think about all of this, to try to collect herself, to find a way out of this, so she can finally have a reasonable conversation with Beck about it. They do have to make that decision about an abortion soon.

She gets up in the dark, gets to her bag and pulls out the sonogram picture, she hasn't really looked at again since the doctor, but which she has carried with her at all times. She is glad Beck hasn't asked her to keep with him; she somehow needed it close to her.

She sits down at the table and it may be dark but there's still enough light coming in through the window from the lights outside that she can see the picture. The first photo of her child. Maybe also the last and only?

She looks at the little thing that could form into a whole human being and be alive and breathing in her arms in seven months. She holds the picture with one hand and puts the other on her belly. Gosh. It's inside of her.

She has trouble breathing, thinking back to the moment she saw the sonogram for the first time, how she glanced to Beck and knew he wanted to keep it. He does want to keep this child. He will hate her if she doesn't. He will leave her and she can't be alone. She has felt alone and lonely too much of her life and suddenly hasn't anymore since Beck has been around. She can't loose him now, over this.

But can she keep the child just for him? Won't she hate the child and Beck as well over time?

Suddenly, there is a whsiper, that startles her: "Please, tell me what you're thinking."

It's Beck. He's awake and sits on his bed, watching her closely.

He has expected her to long talk about it again. Of course, he has.

And there's only one thing she can think: "You would like to keep it."

Beck looks at her for a long moment, then he stands up and comes up to her, sitting down on the only other chair in the room, right next to her. "I would. Like... I don't know if I want us to raise it, but... yeah. You are the one having to be pregnant though. You would get the most shit, if not all of it. You would have to give birth and would be at risk if something goes wrong. It's your body, Jade, which means it's your choice. I won't force or guilt you into keeping this child. I'll love you, no matter what you decide."

Jade swallows thickly.

Beck does want her to decide for herself. He understands how hard this will be for her either way.

"I love you," she whispers, before she knows it, drops the sonogram picture on the table and grabs Beck by the collar of his pajamas shirt and starts kissing him desperately, suddenly needing him close and with her.

.

.

She's still afraid that he will resent her for her decision in the end, but his words have finally opened her mind to really think it through. Because he's right. She has to make this decision on her own. She pushes him aside, even if she still feels like she can't loose him. It is her body, so...

She starts actually imagining the scenarios. Without Beck, just with herself. She imagines aborting this child, the child just suddenly not being there anymore. But what could this child become? It's Beck's. It would be amazing and kind and loving. It could change the world – or at least someone's world if it would get to live. Maybe, it would be a big actor some day, are Beck and her both good at acting. Maybe, it would also live a totally different life. Does she have the right to decide it shouldn't live at all, it shouldn't get to decide?

But she doesn't want to give birth to a child. She doesn't want to be pregnant and everybody to know. She can't be a mother. What would she do if she would have it? Would she raise it or give it up for adoption? Would she ever be okay with someone else raising her child as their mother? But she can't actually raise a child herself. She wouldn't be a good mother.

But there must be options, there must be ways to do this. There must be a chance.

If she aborts, this child won't get any chance at all. Can she deny it that?

.

.

After their talk at night, they again act like Jade isn't pregnant. Beck is over at her place on next Tuesday and then she comes again to him on the Thursday after that. Beck thinks she could be ten weeks now. Time is running out, depending on what they'll do. And as there's already a tiny beating heart, he wonders how long it will still be until she'll already show.

He's writing on a script for a play, which idea he had during last finals and he never got around to write down. Jade sits on the couch next to him and reads in a book.

They have barely talked since she's over – or while he has been over at her place. They barely know what to say without mentioning the pregnancy, which she should think about and needs to think about on her own.

Suddenly, she raises her voice though, softly: "I think I can't abort it."

His eyes shoot up from his laptop to her. She lowers her book and also slowly looks over to him.

"You sure?" he asks carefully.

Jade bites her lip. She seems unsure, but he sees in her eyes that she is sure about this. She is sure that she can't abort it.

The thing, she is unsure about, is a whole other story. And almost broken, she says: "I don't know what we will do, Beck."

She doesn't know where to go from here, how to handle the situation.

"I don't know either," he softly says, taking the book out of her hand and putting it onto the coffee table, before taking her hands in his.

He also doesn't know what to do, if they could and should keep this child or give it up for adoption, how to do either of those things exactly.

For a while, they just look at each other, then Jade whispers: "Tell me you love me."

Because she needs to hear it right now. She has made the decision to have the child on her own account, but she still needs him to be with her right now, she needs to hear he'll stand with her through it all.

He pulls her into a close hug and softly says: "I love you, Jade. I love you so damn much. And we'll find a way through this. Together."