Rating: G

Warnings: Melodrama abounds.

Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and all related characters belong to Nickelodeon.

Summary: "Today we mark the passing of one who will be missed by all, taken from all of us far too soon by a vicious crime of passion almost a week ago!" When there's a 'death' in the family, Mikey takes it upon himself to make sure everyone remembers the fallen.

A/N: Just a bit of random insanity before the holidays.

This is set shortly after 'For Honour' by the evil author who specialises in horror, otherwise known as sampsonknight. This can be found in my favourites, or alternatively, you can find a link to it in this story on Deviant Art. Both can be read as stand-alone, but if you want the full story, please read both stories XD

Comments, thoughts and concrit are always welcome.

* If you ever see my stories posted anywhere other than under the name Zelgadis55 at Deviant Art, FFNet, AO3 or Live Journal, then they have been stolen. Please report them.

For Loss

Looking around to make sure nobody saw what he was doing, Michelangelo carefully opened the door to his brother's lab and slipped inside. A mixture of relief and concern filled him at the sight of the despondent turtle who was dealing with yet another death in the family.

"Hey Donnie," he called softly, sidling up to his brother "How're you doing?"

Donatello glanced up and groaned at the sight of the often mischievous turtle. Mikey couldn't help but feel a brief flash of hurt but he pushed it aside knowing Donnie felt down enough right now as it was.

"I'm tired, Mike. If it's not you or Raph fighting and carelessly breaking things I work so hard to repair and make useful for our family, then it's Leo wreaking havoc on our kitchen appliances."

Mikey winced. He never meant to add to Donnie's fix-it list and he tried to help where he could when he did. Unfortunately, most of the time helping was simply beyond his skill set. "Yeah, I saw what happened. It was brutal, dude. So uh... what are you going to do with the remains?"

Donnie flashed a look over at his discard pile. Leo had done such a number on the poor toaster that it was beyond saving.

"Like, I mean, do you need it for spare parts or anything?" Mikey asked, giving an almost nervous chuckle at the sorry state of it.

Donnie shook his head. "Honestly, I have so many spare parts for toasters that I could make ten new ones without even having to strain myself searching for that elusive part. No. That one's so far gone it's not even useful for anything other than melting down."

"Mmhmm," Mikey nodded sagely. "That's pretty much what I thought."

When Donnie shot him a sharp look, Mikey tossed his brother a cheeky grin. "I mean, I was wondering if I could take the remains?"

"What are you up to?" Donnie asked, eyeing Mikey suspiciously. "If you are just going to make another mess for me to deal with, then you can forget it."

"No, no! Nothing like that bro, I promise! Look, Leo's gone too far this time with his toastercidal tendencies. He's gotta be stopped before he moves on from toasters to ovens or, gasp, waffle makers!"

Donnie sighed, his face falling into the palm of his hand at the sheer ridiculousness pouring from his brother's mouth.

"And I have just the idea how to stop him!"

-:-

"We are gathered here today, to mourn the passing of one of the most universally beloved members of our home."

Raph, previously disinterested in Mikey's gathering, stood up straight, his head whipping about frantically as he tried to make sense of the words coming from his brother. "What? Who died? We're all here knucklehead!" At the immediate hurt expression on Mikey's face, the hothead baulked, realising just how insensitive his words really were. "Wait... don't tell me it was Klunk?" he asked, a sudden surge of sympathy for his brother ripping through him.

"That can't be," Leo protested in horror and denial. "I just saw Klunk less than an hour ago, stalking a cockroach near the televisions."

The look of disgust on Raph's face was almost enough to make Mikey laugh, but somehow he managed to hold his solemn expression and clear his throat for attention. "It's not Klunk, but... it's almost as bad..."

Standing between Leo and Splinter, Donnie twitched, suddenly getting the idea where this was going. Now all the questions, the trip to the junkyard, Mikey borrowing a hammer and nails all made sense. It took everything he had not to groan at the massive waste of time.

"Then who, Mikey?" Leo asked, unable to help the feeling he was going to deeply regret asking.

"I'll get to that if you'll let me," Mikey replied, his tone unusually serious, his gaze all but boring a hole deep into Leo's soul. "But first, to mark the devastating seriousness of this deeply saddening occasion, I'd like you all to wear these to mark your respect and our shared grief over the passing of a loved one." With that, Michelangelo stepped forward to pass out black armbands. Master Splinter and Donatello put theirs on without argument, in Donnie's case simply to get this over with sooner rather than later. Leo took his but made no move to tie it to his arm and Raph, Raph just looked at the black cloth with disdain, feeling as though this was all just another of Mikey's lame jokes.

"Take it, Raphael," Splinter commanded softly without looking.

Silently, Raph reached out and snatched the offending material before glaring at it and putting it on.

With a satisfied nod, Mikey headed back to the table which he'd turned into a makeshift alter, objects on it covered with old towels. Slowly, almost reverently, he removed the towel covering a wooden box, sloppily nailed together. Then he turned to meet each gaze in his family, his own accusing as he met Leonardo's.

Gently resting a hand on the box, Mikey spoke up. "Today we mark the passing of one who will be missed by all, taken from all of us far too soon by a vicious crime of passion almost a week ago!"

Raphael snorted derisively as he rolled his eyes. "Just get on with it already, shell-for-brains. Who died? Seriously, if this is all just some elaborate lame joke and that box is full of bugs or somethin', you know how dead you'll be, right?"

"Relax Raphie, no bugs!" Mikey quickly insisted. Then a thoughtful look crossed his face before he suddenly whirled around to pry open the lid on one side and peer inside. "I think!"

A moment later, Mikey relaxed and grinned. "Yep! Definitely no bugs. Though if you really want one so bad, we can probably get Klunk to give up his latest toy, dude!"

"Pass," Raph grimaced, utterly disgusted once more.

"Anyway, as I was saying. A vicious crime of passion, a victim of senseless, baseless toastercide!"

Leonardo's jaw dropped as everything fell into place. "It was an accident, Mikey!"

Mikey shot Leo a deliberately disturbed look. "Dude! What kind of accident leaves its victims stabbed six times and then sliced in half? That's a crime of passion! Admit it, bro, you had it in for the poor toaster! The best one we've ever had!"

"Mikey..." Leo sighed in disbelief.

"It had four toasting slots, Leo. Four! And they were extra wide for toasting crumpets and muffins!"

Raph rolled his eyes again. Much as he enjoyed the fact that Leo was the intended target of this game, it was ridiculous, so he said so.

"I'm outta here! I got better things to do with my time." Raphael immediately ripped off the black armband and tossed it at Leo smirking. "Enjoy the funeral, bro. Or is it more of a trial?" Then he made for the door, only to be stopped by a sharp command.

"Raphael! You, like everybody else, will stay for the duration of this ceremony."

"But Master Splinter, this is..." Raph trailed off and sighed, recognising the futility of disobeying his father when he had that tone. "Yes, Master Splinter," he said, slinking back to his place in line.

Leonardo wordlessly handed back the black armband, staring straight ahead at the box presumably containing the remains of his 'victim'.

"Sunny lived her final minutes in..."

"Sunny?" Leo asked wryly.

"You didn't even know your fifty-fifth victim's name, Leo? For shame, dude! For shame!" Mikey gasped dramatically.

Leonardo at least had the decency to look chagrined.

"It was a Sunbeam model," Donnie piped up helpfully, trying to stop things from getting further out of hand.

"Sunny lived her final minutes in total terror, stalked and relentlessly attacked in her own home by the most vicious toaster destroyer in the sewers! The Toasternator!"

"The toaster was... Sunny was going to eat me!" Leo protested as the memories from his dream suddenly flooded his mind, overwhelming him. The toaster had been the vicious one, the one burning everything in its path. "It really was self-defence!"

"Real pathetic, Leonardo!" Raph snorted derisively.

Mikey shook his head violently. "This is a funeral, Leo, not a trial. That comes later, dude, so you can defend yourself then."

Splinter cleared his throat, his patience finally wearing thin as he warned Michelangelo to get on with it.

Mikey straightened quickly and turned to the table again, pressing play on a music player. As the strains of "Fire In the Sky" by Kristoph Klover played, he removed the towel covering a photo of the toaster, a picture printed from E-bay showing the model in unused glory, all shining and new.

"Sunny burned bright in life, but she's in a better place now. A place free from pain, from terror. Never again will she have to fear..." Mikey tossed Leo a pointed look, "the Toasternator ever again!"

Completely embarrassed by the entire spectacle and his part in making it happen, Leo's gaze met the floor.

"Before I finish, does anyone have any words to say?"

No one said anything, but Raph's expression said it all, so Mikey continued. "In that case, I would just like to say on behalf of almost all of us; Sunny, we will miss you. You made delicious toast."

As the song wound up, Mikey looked around at each mutant in the room. "I made this a closed casket funeral because it really was not a pretty sight, but I did tape Sunny back together with duck tape if you want to risk losing your lunch over it."

"Do you know how expensive that winged pig duck tape is?" Donnie asked dryly, but Mikey ignored him.

"No takers? Well, there's sandwiches by the fridge if anyone wants to partake for the wake. I couldn't toast them because..." Mikey looked sadly down at the wooden box once more and swallowed painfully. "Because our dearest toaster friend is no more..."

"You will live on forever in our hearts and memories, Sunny."

-:-

After his brothers filed out wordlessly, with much shaking of heads, Mikey too went to leave, only to be stopped by Master Splinter.

"Would I be correct in assuming 'Sunny' was the toaster you broke earlier that fateful day?"

"Who me?" Mikey asked, grinning innocently.

"Yes, you, Michelangelo," Splinter replied dryly, holding his gaze.

Knowing that he couldn't lie directly to his father's face, Mikey blurted, "If you knew all along, Master Splinter, then how come you didn't uh... rat me out? Heh!"

Splinter's whiskers twitched. "Because Leonardo does indeed have a problem with toasters. If this... funeral... can help bring awareness and enough embarrassment to him, then this farce is worth keeping as a closely guarded secret."

Mikey sighed in relief. It had truly been an accident. In fact, he wasn't even sure how it happened. All he knew was that he'd been toasting some bread when a sweet burning smell hit his nostrils, followed by a poof and a cloud of black smoke. He hadn't done anything unusual and yet...

"Then I don't have to own up?" he asked hopefully.

Splinter ignored the question to ask one of his own. "How did you frame your brother?"

"That's the best part! I didn't frame him," Mikey laughed. "He really did attack and destroy it. I saw him, and so did Donnie!"

"But?"

"It's a long story, Master Splinter."

"Then I look forward to hearing it, as I am sure Donatello does."

Mikey instantly paled. "D... Donnie? Do I really have to tell him?"

"Unless you wish for the details of your little 'deception' to become very public, then yes, you do."

Mikey turned and gathered up the wooden box containing 'Sunny' and began heading for his brother's lab. He sighed dramatically. "I guess the next funeral is about to be a lot sooner than I thought, huh?"

Splinter only chuckled.

-:-

* If you ever see my stories posted anywhere other than under the name Zelgadis55 at Deviant Art, FFNet, AO3 or Live Journal, then they have been stolen. Please report them.