TITLE: White Winter Lament

SUMMARY: "Truthfully, Sakura, sometimes I think you're the only thing that's keeping me together. I don't know how to do this, any of this, on my own anymore." [Written for LeoSaku week 2016]

PROMPT: Winter

SPOILERS: None

"You must be freezing," Leo noted as he regarded his wife.

Just how many hours had she been standing outside in the bitter cold now?

He'd lost track.

"I'm f-fine, Leo," Sakura insisted, but the chattering of her teeth told him a different story.

"Here," he said, taking off his coat and throwing it on top of hers while wrapping her in it tightly. The penetrating wind suddenly pierced into his exposed skin to the point that it was painful, but he was so concerned about her that he forced himself to bear it.

His coat would do nothing for her frozen hands, though. She'd refused to wear gloves, citing the excuse that her healing rod wouldn't work if she wasn't touching it with the skin of her fingers to transfer the magic. A part of him hated her for her selflessness because it only made him worry, but he admired her for it all the same.

"L-Leo, you can't!" she protested, trying to shrug off his coat, but he was stronger than her and her struggles did little as he held the garment securely in its place. "P-please! You'll freeze!"

"It's okay," he assured her as he started to shiver. "We won't be out here for much longer anyway."

At that she stilled, and he sighed. "What do you m-mean?" she asked, but her voice sounded so small all of a sudden.

She knew what he meant, he was almost certain of that, but she was apparently going to make him say it. He grit his teeth at the horror of it all.

They'd gotten word of an avalanche in a remote Nohrian village days ago, yet even after commandeering all of the wyverns that the capital had to offer, it had taken over twenty-four hours for them and the other rescuers to reach the affected area. It had happened in a secluded town, after all, and the weather conditions had been terrible for flying. Leo had wanted Sakura to remain at Castle Krakenburg because of the dangers associated with the trip alone, but of course she'd insisted on coming with him. She'd never been able to sit idly by when others were hurt and needed help.

Leo, Sakura and the others had worked tirelessly all day to recover the poor souls that had been buried in the snow, and to restore them to back to health if they were able, but it'd been hours since they'd even found a living body. Most of those that they'd found had died quickly of suffocation after the avalanche had hit, but some had passed from the prolonged exposure to the cold.

Almost an entire Nohrian village, wiped out… just like that

Since his siblings were still back at Windmire, Leo was the one in charge of the rescue operation, and he had to consider the health and safety of those providing aid - including his wife - against the odds of finding anyone else that they could still help. Aside from the severe conditions and potential hypothermia to consider, there was also the chance of another avalanche occurring due to all the snow that had been accumulating in the current blizzard.

"Sakura… we've done all we can," Leo told her gently. "There's no one else to save. We-"

"You d-don't know that for sure," Sakura said, stepping backward and out of his reach. "There may still be others that are waiting for us to c-come and find them. We can't g-give up!"

He shook his head. "I'm sorry, but they're gone. We've saved everyone that we can. Now come back to the camp with me and-"

"Why are y-you so heartless!" she accused, and he flinched. At some point the snow had turned into hail, and the wind was now whipping the small ice blocks into his face like tiny needles, but her words had stung him more.

She knew that she had hurt him, though, and a horrified expression soon settled on her face. "Leo, I… I d-didn't… I didn't mean it…"

"It's all right," he said brusquely, aware that she'd mainly spoken from a place of fatigue and emotional distress. Still, the knowledge that he was making the decision to abandon his people weighed heavily on him, even if the chances of finding survivors at this point were slim.

Balancing the number of lives they might save versus the number of lives they might lose if they continued to search - the latter was greater, and in the end, it came down to nothing more than ruthless calculus.

Gods, Sakura was right. He was heartless.

"You're cold," she commented as she walked back toward him, and he almost flinched again until he realized that she referring to his body temperature. Small, icy hands brushed against his cheek once she reached him, and she frowned as he shuddered. "You're r-right, Leo. Neither of us should be outside for much longer. We should head b-back to the camp now."

He could hear the concern in her voice and it warmed him slightly. Nodding, he was at least relieved that he didn't have to argue with her anymore on this point.

The two of them began to trudge together through the snow, but their progress was slowed since it had accumulated to a height higher than Sakura's knees. Every single step seemed like it was taxing her, and he could see that she was exhausted, but she never complained. Instead, she'd told him to go on ahead of her while insisting that she'd follow right behind, but of course he'd refused. Not only was their visibility getting poor in the oncoming dark, but Leo was still worried about the possibility of another avalanche.

The cold had become unbearable long before she began to plead, but not even promises of warmth could get him to leave her behind.

He tried to use a fire tome to produce heat as they walked, but the wind quickly extinguished any flames he'd managed to conjure. Once they got closer to the camp, though, he was able to send a large fireball into the air at least as a signal for the others to return.

Soon a series of fireballs lit the air as the signal started to spread, and Sakura recoiled.

Leo knew that the sight likely reminded her of the war, so he grabbed her small hand in his and squeezed it to offer her comfort. She squeezed back and looked up at him with a sad smile, and the two of them walked hand-in-hand into the relative safety of their tent.

It was still freezing in there, but at least they were mostly shielded from the wind and Leo could light the ground torch they'd brought with them. As Sakura removed the overcoat that she was wearing, his coat, he grabbed it from her and put it on.

"Leo, wh-what-"

"Shh," he hushed her, kissing her brow softly. "Sleep, Sakura. I'll be back soon."

Deftly ignoring the worry that was potent in her eyes, he then quickly left her behind, needing some time alone to clear his head.

Was there more he could have done for these people? There'd been survivors, but not nearly enough. Could he have gotten here more quickly? Organized a better rescue plan?

… Had he given up on them too soon?

Looking around, he imagined how many people were now forever buried in the snow-laden terrain beyond him. Even against the backdrop of the night, the white mountains in the distance and the softening snowfall made the area look like nothing but a winter wonderland - it was truly beautiful. But there was death in beauty.

There was death in everything.

"Leo," he heard Sakura say behind him, but the harsh winds of the surrounding blizzard almost drowned out her words. "It's c-cold. Please c-come to bed."

"Sakura, I…"

"Come," she insisted, tugging at his hand. He let his body obey, holding her hand once again.

Once they returned to their tent she removed his wet coat before removing hers, laying them gently to the side.

"Sit," she commanded, and he did as she asked. She took off his boots and then his footed hose, grabbing a warm pair for him before helping him to don them. He realized then that he was letting her dress him as if he were a mere child, but it felt so nice to be cared for that he didn't stop her.

Grabbing a nearby blanket, she wrapped it around his legs to warm him.

"Sakura, you should-" he began to protest, as she was neglecting her own care for his, but she silenced him with a sweet kiss.

"You f-first," she told him as they separated. "I'll get to me n-next, okay?"

Swallowing roughly, he simply nodded. Truthfully he craved her attention and care too much to put up a sincere fight to stop her.

She began tugging at his shirt, and he lifted his arms to help her pull it off his body. Using his shoulders to balance her as she knelt down next to him, she pressed her lips lightly against his chest, and then his neck, and he shivered - but this time it had nothing to do with the cold.

"Put th-this on," she said, handing him a warm sweater. Once he was dressed in dry, layered clothes she then patted at his bedroll.

He laid down but watched with interest as she finally began to change. Smiling shyly at him, she was soon finished, but instead of getting into her bedroll she snuggled next to him in his.

It was a tight squeeze, but he didn't complain.

Lifting the blanket she'd given him, he swaddled it around the both of them and pulled her tightly against his body. Soft, pink hair soon splayed all over his sweater as she rested her head on his chest, and he couldn't help but smile slightly. Underneath the blanket, as his arms found her torso and wrapped around her for even more warmth, he reveled in the feeling of having her so close.

The only sounds around them now were the outside winds whipping their tent and the soft crackling of the nearby torch, but the silence felt comforting somehow. Sakura was quiet for so long that he thought she'd fallen asleep, and it therefore surprised him once she began to speak.

"After the w-war, I thought that we wouldn't have to worry about this kind of thing again," she said softly. "Watching others d-die. Worrying about the dangers w-we'd have to face…"

"I know. And I'm sorry," he told her as the crack in his voice echoed the one in his heart. "Sorry that I couldn't save them…"

She shook her head, or as much as she could while it rested on his chest, anyway. "It's n-not your fault, Leo. You did everything you c-could," she assured him. Lifting her head up, she then brought a hand to his hair so that she could play idly with it. "I'm s-sorry that I only made it harder for you."

Is that what she thought? Because she'd had harsh words for him in a moment of duress and frustration?

"Truthfully, Sakura," he started, "sometimes I think you're the only thing that's keeping me together. I don't know how to do this, any of this, on my own anymore."

The tender look in her eyes battled against the weight of his words, telling him what he needed to hear without so much as a sound.

You don't have to.

"Well it's a g-good thing that we're married then," she noted with a small smile. "Because that m-means you're stuck with me forever."

He chuckled faintly. "Then I guess that marrying you was the best decision that I ever made," he said with a smirk before leaning in to kiss her.

As their lips met, her hand moved from his hair to his ear and her finger traced itself down along its outer edge, all the way to his earlobe. Gods, she was always doing little things like that, touching him in seemingly innocent ways, but each small gesture was so full of so much love that it made him ache for her.

He suddenly wondered if she truly understood how much she meant to him. She was his warmth in the cold, after all… his light in the darkness. She countered all of the death and pain and hurt in this world with life and joy and comfort, and in that way, she brought him peace.

And when the winds finally quieted and the snow stopped falling, he was still there, with her, just like he always would be...

... Right where he belonged.