The last day of the semester finally arrives. David, M&M, and I pull up to Killian's apartment and I shoot off a quick text letting him know we're outside. When he emerges he gives a little wave into the car before heading to the back of the station wagon, which David has open for his luggage.

Hellos are given all around as Killian and David buckle in and then we're on our way.

"Two hours to Storybrooke!" Mary Margaret calls happily, turning the radio to a Christmas music station.

I turn to Killian beside me on the bench seat, "so a little backstory. David and I have lived with Belle Gold and her husband, Weaver, since our parents died in a car crash. No relation but Belle was our mom's best friend and we don't have any other family so we were sent with them. Belle is lovely. Gold..."

"Not so much," David contributes, giving a small laugh. He looks briefly over his shoulder to Killian, smiling. "Really though he's not that bad. He was just never very warm and inviting to begin with but it got worse after his son left." He stops suddenly and both his and Mary Margaret's eyes find mine in the rearview mirror, apologetic and concerned, respectively.

Killian looks between us, confusion creasing his brow.

I pretend nothing happened and continue talking, "I'm just letting you know so you don't think Gold hates you. He's just not a people person. Belle on the other hand is thrilled to meet you. Dave, will they both be there or is Gold working?"

"He should be there."

I nod and add to Killian, "Gold runs a very successful pawn and repair shop. "Well I think that's it. Oh, no wait. Belle is a bit younger than Gold. But we don't think she's after his money. She just genuinely loves him for some reason."

The boys laugh but Mm admonishes me, "Emma, that's not nice!" But she doesn't disagree either.

After that we chat for a while before Mary Margaret falls asleep. Any car trip longer than half an hour and she's down for the count. I pull out a book, not a romance novel this time much to Killian dismay as he peeks at the cover before throwing me a pout. He pulls out a leather journal and starts writing. The drive goes smoothly.

"Wow," Killian breathes when we finally pull up in front of our destination. It is a little impressive. Our teenage home is just short of a mansion, three stories high with a huge wrap around porch done all in old barn wood. With the holidays coming up, Belle has decorated the porch with red bows and garland with twinkle lights. It's beautiful.

"We told you Gold did well for himself," David jokes while we all vacate the car, stretching our limbs.

Before we've even got all our luggage in hand, the front door opens and Belle rushes down the steps toward us.

Barely into her mid thirties, Belle still looks young with just a few starts of gray hairs. She reaches me first, engulfing me in a hug. "Hello, Emma, I missed you. "

"You too," I give her a quick squeeze and then move so everyone else can get their chance.

She gets to Killian last, giving him the longest hug of all of us. He looks a little surprised at first but hugs her back warmly. "It is so good to meet you. You're in so many of the kid's stories."

Gold is out on the porch now, smiling down at us as we make our way toward the house. He looks the same as always; well tailored suit, greying hair, some wrinkles, and a walking cane from an old foot injury. He greets us, giving the standard hello and I hope the trip went well banter.

"Thank you for letting me stay here for the holidays, Mr and Mrs Gold," Killian says, giving them a winning smile.

Belle's answering smile is so bright it could light our Christmas tree. "Please call me Belle and we're happy to have you." I told her a little bit about Killian's family situation and she seemed determined to give him a happy holiday. Gold just nods along with his wife, stopping at the foot of the grand staircase. "Your room is upstairs. The kids will show you. After you're settled, we can eat if everyone is hungry."

It always makes me laugh internally when she calls us that since we're not that much younger than her but I just nod and take the lead with climbing.

When we hit the hallway on the second floor I point out rooms for Killian. "David's, mine, M&m's, and," I stop at the last door on the right and swallow hard, "yours." Mary Margaret has basically lived here since she was a child after her father passed since she doesn't get along with her stepmother at all.

He thanks me, dropping a bag to open the door. The familiar layout, as the room is revealed, his me hard. Belle might have cleared out most of the personal stuff and made it a guest room, that never gets used, but it's still Neal's room.

I let it go for now, heading back to my room to unpack.

After dinner and some card games with Belle, Gold claimed he had work to do and declined our offer for him to join, we all retire to our rooms for the night.

I toss and turn for a while before deciding to just go talk to Killian now. I pull on a sweatshirt and slip into the hall, tiptoeing past everyone's doors. Knocking quietly, I whisper "Killian, are you awake?"

The door opens, revealing a Killian clad in plaid pajama pants and a captain Morgan t-shirt. "Emma, what a pleasant surprise." He gives me a cocky grin, leaning against the door frame and cocking an eyebrow at me as a wolfish grin settles on his features.

I ignore his suggestiveness. "I couldn't sleep. I wanted to talk to you," I admit, cupping my elbows with my hands. He drops the bravado quickly, gesturing me inside which is lit by only the table lamp. "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

He shakes his head, "no, I was writing. It helps me clear my head."

I sit on the end of the bed and look around, everything looks as familiar as it did all through high school but changed. It brings back a flood of memories, good and bad. My emotions must be playing all over my face because Killian sits next to me, carefully putting a hand on top of mine, "Emma?"

Closing my eyes, I pull in a deep, steadying breathe. "This room used to belong to Neal, Gold's son and ... my Neal. My first and only boyfriend." His eyes widen in shock but he doesn't say anything, letting me say my piece. "We dated junior and senior year of high school. I was a bit of a ahh troublemaker in those days."

"No way," he laughs quietly, shaking his head in disbelief.

"I was," I tilt my head his way, grinning sheepishly. "I was mad about my parent's deaths and resented being kept here. Neal and I bonded over that. We caused minor mischief together; knocking over mailboxes, stealing lawn furniture, cutting class to get high," I roll my eyes at my teenage self. "We dated two years and when we graduated, we took off, moved to Tallahassee, and didn't tell anyone."

This is where the story gets harder. "I loved him but I probably shouldn't have. It would've saved me a lot of trouble and heartache. He was always getting into worse trouble than me because Gold was his father and could get him off on more minor charges, because yes sometimes the cops got involved. When we moved he swore he was turning over a new leaf. And for a while, it seemed like he was."

I grab Killian's hand, holding it tightly. "Neal told me he got a job in private security with a wealthy guy in the city so he had to keep weird hours and needed a separate phone just for work. I believed him and we were happy. But it turns out Neal was dealing drugs" Killian gives a sharp intake of breath here, squeezing my hand tighter.

I have more I want to tell him but I can't do it here, in Neal's room. Too many memories here.

"Will you go on a quick walk with me? Ten minutes, top, to get there. I just can't...not here" I smile apologetically, knowing I'm being a tad dramatic.

"Uh yeah sure, no problem" he gets up, slipping on shoes and a coat. I grab mine from my room on the way out. We go out the back staircase, the way I used to sneak out in high school.

I lead Killian down a few roads in near silence. I'm sure he's dying with curiosity but he doesn't push me, which I'm grateful for. The neighborhood is quiet, big houses set far back on big plots of land, with few street lights. The moon is bright though so we don't have any trouble navigating the well kept streets.

We arrive at the docks and I sit on a bench near the boat Gold owns. I point it out and he nods appreciatively, murmuring that it's a 'fine vessel'.

"So Neal was a drug dealer?" He finally asks after I've been silent a while again.

I smirk, "yeah. A real winner, right?" I sigh heavily. "He got in pretty deep I guess and when the cops finally rooted the whole operation out, Neal bolted. No one has seen him since. I don't even know if he's still alive."

Killian grabs my hands between his and says, his voice full of sincerity, "Emma, I'm so sorry. That's- that's terrible, awful. Just... Wow. There aren't words."

"That's not even all of it. So before Neal skipped town, I found out I was pregnant." Another quiet, sharp intake of breath. "I never even got a chance to tell him. The cops showed up one afternoon as I was waiting for Neal to get home so I could tell him. I got pulled into an investigation. They thought I knew about his 'business'," I throw up ironic air quotes here with my fingers, trying to cover the quaver in my voice with humour. I haven't talked about this with anyone except my brother and Mary Margaret and even then I barely opened up. "it ended up being so stressful that I lost the baby."

I huff, concentrating on my breath come out as a white cloud in the chilly air, keeping tears at bay by sheer force of will. I refuse to look at Killian, knowing any sympathy I see there will open the flood gates. "That was... hard. My whole life I never thought I wanted kids, until I lost him. I don't even know if it was a him, it was too early to tell but that's what I picture when I think about him. I would have named him Henry after my grandfather."

Despite my best efforts, a few tears fall down my cheeks.

"Oh, Emma," Killian whispers, putting his arms around me, tugging me into his chest for a tight embrace. It feels so good that I hug him back, leaning my head into the crook of his shoulder, finding warmth and comfort there. I let just a few more tears slip out before composing myself again and pulling back after a few moments. He lets me go but stays closer than before. I can feel the heat coming from his body now.

"I'm so sorry that happened to you."

The acknowledgement of my pain is soothing, especially from Killian because I know he has suffered too.

"We really are similar, huh?" I smile wryly.

"Indeed," he muses, bringing a hand hesitantly up to my face. When I don't object, he carefully brushes the tear tracks from my cheeks with his thumbs. I close my eyes, savoring the sensation.

"When everything was finally over down there, I came home," I open my eyes and his face is so close to mine, my breath catches. "I- I came home and threw myself into my new life, always working towards my goals and finally taking on real responsibility in my life. I told myself I could never let myself love anyone again, that I didn't need love." He pulls his hand away from my cheek now, looking away from me, closed off.

I grab his hand between mine, moving my head until we're looking at each other again, "I was wrong."

Surprise colors his features before softening into something I might call shy if it wasn't on Killian Jone's face. "What," he clears his throat, "uh, what changed your mind." He is shy. I didn't think that was possible. It's incredibly endearing.

"Don't you know, Killian," I pull in a deep breath. Here it is, the big plunge. "It's you."

Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

It's really something watching the elation slowly fill his eyes as what I'm saying sinks in.

"I love you," I say very quietly, tipping my head closer to his. He moves forward, closing the gap between us and kissing me fiercely.

This kiss is different than the one we shared on Thanksgiving, not desperate or answering a challenge. This one is real. The initial passion gives way to a gentleness that makes my heart flutter. His hands come up to cup my face when it ends. I see when his eyes open, focusing on mine tenderly. "I love you too," he finally whispers, "in case it wasn't obvious."

I laugh, putting a hand on top of one of his, still on my cheek. "I'm sorry it took me so damn long to admit it," I say, sheepish again.

"Given what you just told me of your past, I understand your hesitation. If it eases your mind any, I swear I am not involved in any way with any kind of narcotics."

That makes me laugh harder. "Phew," I say, wiping a hand across my brow theatrically.

We're silent a while after that, watching the moonlight play against the gentle ocean waves and holding hands. I haven't felt this peaceful and happy in years.

"As much as I love the ocean, why don't we head back. It's bloody cold out here." He stands, tugging me up by my hands after him. I make to turn back up the dock but he pulls me closer, slipping his arms around me for a proper hug. "Thank you, love," he whispers close to me ear, "for telling me about your past. I know it's not easy to open up like that."

"You opened up to me," I murmur back, slipping my arms under his unzipped jacket to rest against his back, "and I wanted to tell you. You deserved an explanation for all my craziness this semester and I didn't want to lose you."

He pulls away slowly, "you'll never lose me, Swan." We smile at each other, big, dopey smiles that would usually embarrass me but I can't make myself stop. Killian grabs my hand and we slowly walk back home. And maybe we stop a few times to kiss for a while. Once home, I quietly lead us back up the stairs and we linger in front of my bedroom door, wholly unwilling, on my part at least, to separate for the night.

I lean back against the wall and tug on his jacket to bring him closer for another kiss. His arm goes up to brace himself against the doorframe beside me, our faces a few inches apart now. "This is a way better Christmas present than I got you." He keeps his voice low, a grin spreading across his face that I reciprocate.

"You can make it up to me," I joke, I bring my fingers up to trace his jaw. "I'm sure I'll love whatever it is." I'm just about to go in for another kiss when a door down the hall opens suddenly. We burst apart as M&M walks to the bathroom, eyes still half closed with sleep.

Killian and I look at each other again sheepishly. "Good night, Swan." He gives my cheek a kiss then hesitates a moment, looking shy again. "Say it one more time?"

I knit my brows in confusion before I get it and smile gently, "I love you, Killian."

The joy on his face is infectious. "And I you." He walks backward to his bedroom, keeping me in his sights.

I open the door behind me without breaking eye contact, "Good night."

We stand there, in our opposite doorways, for a few moments more before laughing quietly and murmuring another good night. I finally slip into my room, close the door, and lean against it, grinning broadly.

A small, wrapped package slips under the door and hits my foot. A sticky note attached to it says 'open me. -Killian' with a small heart drawn next to his name. I pick it up as I hear a door close faintly on the other side of my door. Sitting on my bed, I tear the paper off and find a romance novel. It's the sequel to the princess and pirate novel I read a few weeks ago. The one that Killian made fun of me for. I smile, running my fingers over the title. 'Happily Ever After'

An/n alright i lied, it wasn't done by Christmas but it is done. i did finish it. My internet went out for like a while so I couldn't work on this cuz I cannot type on my phone. I tried to make up for it by making this last chapter really long and good, hopefully. hope you all liked it. thanks for sticking by me through my bs and thanks for reading. you're all amazing