AN: Trigger warning: PTSD, blood

Sakura was panting, her breaths coming hard and fast. She felt like her leg was broken and might have a couple of fractured ribs. Her enemy had been a weapons user like Tenten and Sakura was covered in cuts across her skin. None of them seemed too deep, though, so she first focused on healing her leg. She almost fell to the ground from the pain and she bit her lip to keep from screaming. Mending bones was never a pleasant experience even if it was better than waiting for them to heal on their own. Her chakra felt low, but it was enough for her to mend her leg and help Kakashi if he needed it. Last time she had caught a glimpse of him in his own fight, he had been holding his own. Just moments ago, she'd heard a scream and the sound of a thousand birds. She knew he'd won.

He was a ways away from her and wasn't in her sight anymore. But she could feel his chakra and it was just about as low as hers. He was fine. She let out a sigh of relief and headed in his direction. Her feet dragged across the earth and her limbs felt sore as she forced them to move. She stumbled through some more trees and bush and finally found him.

Kakashi was standing in the middle of the small clearing staring down at his hands. He was incredibly still and for a second Sakura's heart stopped, thinking something was seriously wrong with him. She flared her chakra and crept slowly towards him so she wouldn't catch him off guard. But Kakashi didn't even glance in her direction, his body giving no sign that he even knew she was there.

She was just a few paces away from him when she saw it. His body had looked frozen from a distance, but she could see now that he was shaking. His shoulders shook and his fingers trembled as he stared down at them. Only his legs were still and from how much of a panic he seemed to be in, it surprised her that his knees hadn't given out. He looked like he was in a state of shock.

When she reached him, he still didn't look at her. She glanced at the body of the enemy kunoichi on the ground. Her body was covered in blood, a gaping hole in her chest and her eyes wide and white. It made Sakura sick to her stomach and she tore her eyes away and back to Kakashi. She would never get used to seeing corpses like that, even if they were enemies. And a part of her hoped she never did.

She reached out a hand towards him, trying to keep it in his line of sight. But Kakashi still didn't look at her. She wasn't even a foot away from him. Did he really know she was there? What if she had been an enemy nin? The thought frightened her, knowing how easy it would be to take Kakashi out. But she told herself – probably a lie – that Kakashi was somewhat aware it was her. Even if not, his reflexes from years of being a shinobi would kick in and he'd be able to defend himself against an attack.

She rested her hand on his arm, speaking softly, "Kakashi?"

Kakashi flinched away from her and he looked up at her with wide and terrified eyes. She could tell it took a second for him to process who she was, to take him away from whatever he was thinking. She met his eyes and didn't make a move to touch him again. "Kakashi?"

He looked away from her and his breathing slowed back to normal from the quick short breaths he had been taking. His eyes wandered across the clearing and landed on the dead woman. Sakura watched as he closed his eyes and swallowed. When he opened them again, he looked down at his hands.

Sakura looked with him., her heart rate speeding up from the anxiety. She had never seen Kakashi like this. In all the years she had known him, from him being her sensei to them fighting in a war. He had never looked so…scared. His hands seemed fine, no broken bones from what she could deduce without touching them. They were covered in blood, though. She glanced back at Kakashi's face as he tried to take his gloves off with trembling fingers.

She could recognize PTSD when she saw it. She had always known he had it. A lot of shinobi did and with him having been in ANBU, it would have been more concerning if he didn't. Sakura reached her hands out and stopped his fingers gently. Kakashi's hands stilled in hers, but she could still feel how they shook in her hands even as he tried to will them to stop.

Sakura took a tentative step forward as she carefully took the gloves off of his hands. They were soaked in blood, but she forced herself not to cringe at the smell. She was a medic and a shinobi, she was used to it. But she focused even more so than usual on not showing any expressions of disgust or fear.

She opened her pouch on her thigh and slipped the gloves inside so she could clean them later. When she looked back to Kakashi, he was watching her with an emotion she couldn't determine. She gave him a soft smile and asked him, "Do you have any injuries?"

Kakashi shook his head and looked back down at his hands. He tried to move them to his sides, but Sakura caught them in hers. Kakashi winced, but didn't pull away from her. She ran her thumbs over the rough skin, tainted by blood. "Do your hands hurt?"

He let out a shaky breath, "No."

Sakura's hands glowed green and sent her chakra through him anyways. She found cut after cut on right hand and wrist. It took her by surprise for a moment, but then she could see the pale scars and knew what they were from. A few more wouldn't make much of a difference. But she healed them anyway.

Kakashi's voice was quiet as he spoke, "Those are from…"

She nodded before he could finish his sentence. "Using your chidori. I know. They're cuts from your hand going through someone's chest, the rib bones cutting at you."

Kakashi didn't say anything in response and Sakura reached into her knapsack for the water bottle she knew she'd packed away. She took it out and uncapped the lid, feeling Kakashi's eyes on her. She grabbed his hands and let the water stream slowly over him as she rubbed away at the blood. Kakashi was silent through the whole ordeal and by the time she had run out of water, Kakashi's hands were a faint pink instead of the morbid red they had been.

When she looked up at him, she dropped his hands gently. She gave him a smile as he stared at her with an unreadable expression. He still looked shaken to her, but he was getting a handle on himself. It made Sakura want to reach out for him, but she didn't want to overstep more than she had. Kakashi wasn't one to be open about his past or how he was feeling. Sakura knew that and she didn't want to say something to make him push her at an even farther distance. She didn't want him to close himself off from her, become cold and distant.

Sakura had checked earlier when she was mending the cuts on his hands and Kakashi hadn't been lying to her. He didn't have any injuries outside of a few bruises. Sakura stepped to the side, glancing at him. "The targets have been eliminated. We can head back tomorrow morning after recovering tonight. We're both low on chakra."

It took him a moment, but he nodded and began to walk alongside her. They had walked a few feet before he asked her, his voice coming out more steady than earlier, "Were you injured?"

Sakura nodded and she raised her hand to her left side. Her hand glowed green and she gasped at the pain as the bone mended. She could feel Kakashi looking at her worriedly as they walked, but she didn't meet his eyes. After a couple of minutes, she moved her hand away and answered the unasked question, "I had a broken leg and a couple of fractured ribs."

She could practically feel the disapproval rolling off of Kakashi and she knew it was from her healing his hands before her ribs. She waited for the scolding because he never missed a chance to tell her to take care of herself before him. But it never came. Sakura chalked it up to him not even wanting to mention the incident in the clearing.

Then, he proved her right by never bring it up the rest of the mission. She knew if he wanted to talk about it, he would. But besides a small glimmer of hope, she hadn't expected him to. She cleaned his gloves in the river while she was on watch that night. Once they were back to their normal shade of blue, she set them out to dry by the fire and slipped them into his pack before he woke up.

Sakura was wrapped up in the hospital over the next few weeks, busy training the new medic nin. So, she hadn't seen much of Kakashi until he came by two months after their mission. She looked at him in surprise when she walked into the room. He was laying comfortably on the bed reading his Icha Icha. When he saw her he smiled at her and she smiled back in response. "Kakashi? Surprise seeing you here. You don't look chakra depleted, so what is it? You never come in here on your own."

Kakashi gave her a mock guilty look and shrugged as he sat up. He tucked his book away in his pouch and told her, "I broke a few ribs on my mission and might have dislocated my shoulder."

Sakura walked over to him with a raised eyebrow. She went to work healing him and asked, "That's it? Usually you would try and rest that sort of thing off."

"Hokage's orders."

Sakura nodded knowingly and chuckled, "Well, that explains it."

Kakashi met her eyes as she moved her hands to his shoulder. "It's not that bad. I have a good friend who works here. She used to be my student. Has bright pink hair. She'd kind of sweet on me, so I don't mind coming by if she's my medic."

Sakura felt a blush on her cheeks as she smiled and focused her attention on his shoulder. "Oh yeah? Maybe I know her."

"Maybe," he replied in a soft voice, making Sakura look back at his face.

Then, she noticed the dark circles under Kakashi's eyes. Her smile faded and her eyes ran down his body. He even looked like he had lost weight, which wasn't a good thing. He wasn't standing, but she could tell his pants hung a bit loosely on his waist. She frowned and met his eyes. "Kakashi, you look terrible."

Something flashed in his eyes, but then it was gone before she could catch it. He smiled at her, crinkling his eyes. "Mah, Sakura-chan, you need to work on your bedside manner."

Sakura narrowed her eyes at him, not wanting him to play it off like he always did. Her hands came up to his face. "You look like you haven't slept in months, Kakashi." Before he could respond, her hands went down to his waist and she tugged at the hem of his pants. Unsurprisingly, there was slack. "And you've lost weight."

"Sakura –" Kakashi started, grabbing the hand that was at his pants.

A thought crossed her mind, making her blood go cold as she realized. She cut him off with a glare, "You picked up the mask again, didn't you?"

Kakashi frowned and told her, "At the Hokage's request."

Sakura stepped away from him and held her hands out. "But you could have refused!"

Kakashi stood up and she could see a flicker of that something again in his eyes. "Sakura, I'm a shinobi and you are too. This is what I do. You should understand."

"ANBU is different," she argued, her voice rising, "This isn't about your duty. You serve the village enough as a jounin. You don't have to give any more than that! You already have. You've served long enough for ANBU! Twice."

Kakashi took another step towards her and he was only inches away from her. His hands grabbed her arms and he looked into her eyes. She could tell he was trying to placate her and it pissed her off. She wasn't a kid anymore and wouldn't let him treat her like one. She wasn't being unreasonable. "Tsunade-sama asked me to, Sakura. And she promised it won't be long. Some things…just need to be sorted out.'

She glared at him and bit out, "Someone else can do it."

Kakashi's eyes widened a little in surprise. He probably hadn't expected her to feel so strongly about it. But he continued to try and reason with her. "I have more years of experience. It's better to send me than a fresh rank."

"They're not all kids, Kakashi!" Was he even hearing what he was saying? "There are more people with experience like you already in ANBU. You don't have to go back."

Kakashi sighed and he looked down at the floor. Sakura's anger boiled in her veins. He wasn't even taking her seriously. "Shishou would understand if you decided to stop. She has plenty of other ANBU she could send! You don't have to do this. It doesn't have to be you."

Kakashi looked up at her and his eyebrows pulled together. He asked her, "Why are you fighting this so hard?"

Sakura bit her tongue, the reply ready to shoot out of her mouth. She knew why and then there was an even deeper reason beneath that one. But she couldn't tell him. She couldn't do that to him. Then, he really wouldn't quit just to prove her wrong. It was the kind of idiotic thing he would do, some sort of pride.

She gestured to his body. "Look at what it's doing to you. You're sleep deprived and have probably been living off of soldier pills! You're going to collapse."

Kakashi's hands came up to her face and his expression was softer than before. But it was the kind of expression that told her she had lost the fight before she had even opened her mouth. "Sakura, like I said, I have experience. I'm not going to collapse. So, stop worrying."

"Kakashi – " she began and even to her it sounded like she'd lost her anger and turned into more of a plea.

Kakashi moved even closer to her and she could feel his breath on her skin through his mask. In the back of her mind, she knew she would probably be blushing and have her heart beating out of rhythm. But there were too many terrifying thoughts racing through her head to focus on those kind of emotions.

She brought her hands up to his and stared into his eyes with determination. She wished he would just listen to her, just this once.

"Sakura." Kakashi's voice came out thick and smooth. She tried to concentrate on it instead of the image of Kakashi's bloodied hands flashing behind her eyes. "You're very important to me. We're friends, very good friends and I love you. But this…this isn't any of your concern."

Sakura felt her heart break at the last sentence, not even paying any mind to the other words. Before she even realized it, Kakashi was slipping out of her hold and heading for the door. She reached for his hand and caught it as his hand rested on the door handle. "Kakashi."

Kakashi looked back to her and then down at her hand in his. He smiled, but it wasn't the kind of smile that made her heart melt. This one was heartbroken and sad. "My hands are really different from yours, you know. Yours heal, fix things that are broken, and save people. And mine…have never done that and probably can't."

Before she could reply, he met her eyes again and smiled that fake cheerful smile. "Don't worry about me, Sakura-chan. I'll be fine."

Then, he was gone.

Sakura stared at the closed door, the bustle of medics and the beeping of monitors in the hallway the only thing she could hear. She was vaguely aware of tears running down her face. She blinked them away and swiped at her face with her hands.

She burst through the doors to the Hokage's office, not bothering to knock like she usually would. Anger from hours ago had rekindled with each step that she'd taken to the Hokage Tower and she could feel the killing intent rolling off her in waves. People hastily moved out of her way and the guards eyes her cautiously.

Tsunade looked up at her in shock and annoyance, "Hey! Brat, what do you think you're doing charging through my door like that?"

Sakura stalked up to the desk, glaring at the woman whom she'd grown to seen as a mother figure. But those feelings were hard to reach, overpowered with the anxiety clawing at her. "How could you put Kakashi back on ANBU?" she yelled at her.

Tsunade's eyes widened and her eyebrow twitched in anger. She didn't like being spoken to that way and for good reason. She was the Hokage, but Sakura didn't care about damn titles at the moment. "Excuse me?"

Sakura tried to reel in some of her anger and control her voice, still feeling respect for the woman across from her. "Kakashi's served long enough for ANBU. You don't need him. Ask someone else."

Tsunade stood up from her chair and Sakura barely registered Shizune shifting nervously a few feet away. Tsunade glowered at her and Sakura knew from years apprenticing under the woman that she was probably moments away from a hard hit. Tsunade had never hit her out of anger before, but Sakura had also never stepped out of line like she was.

Sakura didn't know if it was because her voice had lowered since she came in or because of the bond she had with Tsunade. But Tsunade's temper cooled as she looked at her and she spoke clearly, "I do need Kakashi, Sakura. He's the perfect choice for the kinds of missions I'm sending him on. He has experience and skill. He –"

Sakura interrupted her, speaking hotly, "Kakashi isn't the only capable shinobi in Konoha. I know you can send someone else, you just won't."

"Sakura!" Shizune scolded her, but Sakura didn't even glance her way, her eyes glued to Tsunade. Tsunade sat down in her chair, waving a hand to Shizune.

She looked up at Sakura and gestured for her to continue.

"Kakashi can't handle this," Sakura told her what she couldn't tell the man himself hours earlier. "His PTSD is too bad. I've seen how it affects him. It's only going to get worse. Have you even looked at him lately? He looks like hell."

Tsunade looked away from her. "That's why I sent him to you earlier."

Sakura glared at her. She knew. "And I'll tell you what I told him. That he doesn't have to go back and the missions will do just fine without him."

Tsunade glanced at her. "Yeah? And what did he say?"

Sakura didn't reply, biting her cheek. Tsunade stared at her for a moment and then shook her head with a sigh. "Sakura, almost every shinobi battles with PTSD and me holding Kakashi back form ANBU isn't going to make his go away. He's had it long before and he knows how to cope with it. This is the world we live in. If I refused to send every shinobi with PTSD out on missions, then there would be no missions."

Sakura knew where Tsunade was coming from and she was right. But that's not what this was about. This wasn't about any shinobi with PTSD, this was Kakashi. "I know that, but that's not the point! And you aren't holding him back, you're sending him into it! There's more stable and skilled shinobi you can replace him with. What if Kakashi's PTSD gets the best of him? What if because of it the missions fail?"

Tsunade looked down at her desk, unable to meet Sakura's eyes as she said, "That's a risk I'm willing to take. Sakura, I need Kakashi for this. I know he can get the job done and get it done right and fast."

Sakura had known she wasn't going to change Tsunade's mind when she walked over here. But that hadn't stopped her from trying. It also didn't stop the anger that was rising inside her. She gripped the desk and leaned over meeting her old master's eyes. "If this kills him, I will never forgive you."

Tsunade's eyes widened the slightest fraction and she saw hurt there. But she couldn't take the words back no matter how much they were cutting at her too. She cared about Tsunade, she loved the woman deeply. She was like another mother to her. But that was a promise and she would keep it even if she didn't want to. Tsunade could listen to her. Sakura knew that Kakashi wasn't so unique that another shinobi couldn't pick up his job and finish it for him. But Tsunade was set in stone because the missions were too important for her to let the possibility of them succeeding drop.

"Kakashi's strong." Tsunade tried to assure her, tried to calm the anger in Sakura's eyes. She gave her a small smile. "He'll make it through this. He'll come back alive."

Sakura pulled away from her, meeting her eyes one last time. Her voice was quiet and she shook her head. "That's not what I meant." Then, she stepped out of the office, shutting the door softly behind her. But to Tsunade the click of the door closing was too loud.

As soon as Sakura was gone, Shizune looked at Tsunade in outrage. "I can't believe she acted like that! That's so not like her!"

Tsunade turned away from her and stood up, stepping towards the window. She looked down at the streets watching Sakura walk in the direction of her apartment. The anger that she had just seen was gone and Sakura was running her hands through her hair. Her walk was slow and she had her arms wrapped around herself. It reminded Tsunade of when Sakura was little, just a small girl. But Sakura was far from that little girl. She's grown into a strong woman and Tsunade could almost see the weight that was on her shoulders as the kunoichi walked. Tsunade felt a sense of pride watching her, especially after seeing her fearlessly yell at her in her own office. Sakura was strong, probably stronger than Tsunade ever was.

Tsunade sighed with a small smile, "Don't be mad at her."

"Lady Tsunade –"

"I would've reacted the same way." When Sakura was out of her sight, she turned back to her desk and sat down. She chuckled as she searched through a drawer for her sake, "Kami, you'd think she was my daughter with that temper of hers that she inherited from me."

Shizune didn't even comment as Tsunade poured herself a glass. "About what Sakura said –"

Tsunade waved the sentence off with her hand. "Don't worry, Shizune. Sakura doesn't - and won't hate me. I wish I could drop Kakashi, but I can't even think of someone I could send instead. Someone that has all the same skillsets and I'm sure won't fuck it up because of inexperience. Sakura will understand eventually. She's just scared and worried right now. She needs time to work things out with Kakashi. It will clear her head and she'll get a better grip on her emotions."

Shizune quirked an eyebrow at her, trying to follow. "Work what out?"

"Probably a lot things," Tsunade answered her vaguely, taking a drink from her glass. She met Shizune's eyes and watched as the realization dawned on her. Her shoulders relaxed and she had a sad smile.

Tsunade swiveled her chair towards the window and looked over the people wandering the streets. "They'll work it out and it'll be good for the both of them, especially Kakashi."

"How can you be so sure?"

Tsunade smirked around the rim of her glass. "Because I'd bet on it."