A/N: A tribute to one of my all-time favourite ships; the conversation I wish they'd had.

Inspired by the chorus of a '70s song, which speaks volumes to my little TaiChihaya heart.

It's important to me

That you know you are free

'Cause I'd never want to make you change

For me

I'm in love with you, Chihaya...

I love your always short nails, your hair, your impossibly wide smile...I'm in love with you, and I have always been, ever since we were little.

Those words echoed in her head, as clear now as they were all those months ago. When he was still here. When he hadn't quit the club. When history and karuta held them together. And while the former couldn't be erased, the latter was out of the picture. He'd done the impossible.

He'd dragged the thing she loved most through the mud.

And she hated that the thing she loved most wasn't him.

She hated herself: for breaking him, for saying nothing but "sorry", for letting him walk away, for doing all of the above and only hurting both of them. The colour, the magic, the wonder of karuta was gone, and it was entirely her fault.

If only she could love him in the same manner, to the same extent, the way he deserved; everything would be solved. But she didn't, at least not now. There was only one thing she knew how to love, but even that had been tainted by her own psyche.

To be frank, she didn't exactly know what romantic love was. What it felt like, how it happened, whether it applied to her. Did she love Arata? She couldn't tell. She loved the idea of him; she would always have a special place in her heart for the person who inspired her greatest passion. he was an idol, a role model, a God. But did she know him outside of karuta? She found that difficult to answer. Hell, he confessed to her during a match, and followed it up with "Let's spend the rest of our lives together". How on Earth was she going to respond to that, when a boy hadn't so much as asked her on a date in all her eighteen years? The love he had tried to express to her was attached to a memory of karuta, as most of her memories of him were. If that wasn't an accurate depiction of their relationship, she didn't know what was.

Her feelings towards Taichi were equally complex; he was her best friend since childhood, her shoulder to lean on, her greatest aid and supporter. They'd lost touch somewhere in the middle, but when they saw each other again for the first time in a few years, it was like they'd never been apart. It was easy with him; like breathing. He'd grown up so much, yet he still gave her the hope of a new beginning and a happy ending simultaneously with the founding of the karuta club. He had become so essential to her daily life that when he left, she decided that was the end of her happiness.

How could I have been so blind? It took their first kiss for her to finally process what he had been telling her all along. He loved her, and his lips said the same; they were soft and sweet, brushing with hers for the briefest moment before he stepped back, shaken with guilt and grief. She never wanted to see that look on his face again. The pain, the self-loathing, the crushing sadness that consumed him. So much of it that maybe even she couldn't have mended him with those three words.

"Chihaya."

His voice. It was like a dream, one she'd had over and over again for the past few months; he'd come back to her, and rejoin the club, and push her to become the Queen. He would smile that warm, boyish smile of his and chuckle when she fell asleep on the tatami, and she would feel completely safe knowing that when she awoke, he'd be there, hair falling over his eyes and luxury chocolates in hand.

"Chihaya?"

That was odd. Dream Taichi rarely repeated himself.

She turned around.

There in the doorway stood a tall, slender figure with tousled strawberry brown locks and eyes like liquid gold. They were kind and healing, vastly different from how they were the last time she saw him.

"T-T-Taichi..."

He smiled. Her eyes widened at the realisation that he was indeed here, a physical and tangible person that he could touch and hug and punch for being away for so long.

"Cleaning out?"

She stared at him dumbly and could only manage a nod.

"Let me help you."

He took off his shoes and stepped inside, taking in the familiar smell of the tatami, the warm afternoon light that flooded in through the huge windows, the way it illuminated a dozen facets of her long, auburn hair. She was as beautiful as ever, although the look in her eyes was more faraway and forlorn than it was before.

She indicated the mess in the corner to him and he complied.

They shuffled and dusted and organised in silence. It wasn't like them at all; Chihaya always had something to say, but now nothing came to mind. Things would never be able to go back to the way they were before, and it scared her - if there was anything she could depend on Taichi for, it was the chance to be herself. To be crazy and outspoken and passionate, because he always seemed to put up with it...even enjoy it. But now, she no longer saw the childhood friend who teased her about her androgynous appearance; she saw the boy who she'd hurt beyond her own understanding, beyond her own capacity for regret. She couldn't begin to fathom how sorry she was, how desperately she wanted to repair things. She knew no matter what she said, it would be meaningless to him. Words can't change feelings unless they themselves have true feelings behind them. She knew better than that.

"Why are you here, Taichi?"

He was momentarily taken aback, unsure what to make of her question. It was very like Chihaya to be so straightforward, but at the same time, she was notoriously incognizant. Either she had no intention of making small talk, or she was genuinely unable to read the situation and atmosphere. He turned and leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

He sighed. "Isn't that a good enough reason?"

"No," she choked, eyes prickling with tears. At this point she was kneeling on the mat, her hands in fists on top of her thighs. She gripped tighter as she felt her carefully checked emotions begin to unravel. "Taichi...you can't just leave, and quit karuta, and appear months later out of the blue 'wanting to see me'. Do you really think I'll buy that, after everything I've put myself through? No, Taichi. I won't allow it."

His eyes connected with hers, and instantly months' worth of loneliness and apologies and heartache were shared. He could see his pain reflected in her eyes and vice versa. There was no bluffing in this game of poker.

"I wanted to see you...and tell you that I'm sorry." He knelt down in front of her on the tatami.

"You already s-said that l-last time, idiot..." she whispered, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. She felt her teeth grind together from the sheer weight of her sadness. Suddenly, she gripped his t-shirt with both hands, letting her head hang in utter loss. "You c-came to the match, and you told us you were sorry, and you l-left..."

"Chihaya..."

"I tried to find you, damn it!" she cried. "I w-wanted to ask why you came back. B-but now I want to know why you left."

He gently took her hands and unleashed them from his shirt, instead opting to hold them loosely between them. "I was a coward," he said. "I tried so hard to overcome that: the coward in me; the one that stole Arata's glasses; the one that didn't want to make a karuta club because I felt I could never surpass him." He used one of Chihaya's fists to wipe her eyes. "It turns out all I do is run these days."

"No," Chihaya hiccupped. "You didn't leave because you were a c-coward."

He looked at her, confused. "I didn't?"

"No. You l-left because you were brave."

"I don't understand..."

"I-I'm not talking about the match," she clarified, finally summoning the strength to look up and show him clearly what she meant. Now was not the time for miscommunication. "When you quit the club, it broke my heart. My first heartbreak, and not even in the conventional sense," she smiled halfheartedly. "It broke my heart because I thought you were quitting karuta altogether. Maybe at first you were running from it. But the real reason you left was rooted in something much deeper. I don't quite know what yet, but you left to find it. You left to find your purpose, your passion. This whole time, I'd been forcing you to ride on the coattails of mine. For that, I'm so sorry, Taichi. I can't begin to imagine what you endured. That's why, Taichi, you're the bravest of us all."

He let go of her hands and let his eyes drop to the floor. "Don't do this to me, Chihaya."

"Do what?"

"Stop blaming yourself...you're not the bad guy here, and I'm far from a hero. I'm sorry for telling you how I felt, then leaving the club. I'm sorry for making you feel as though my pain was your fault. I'm sorry...for stealing your first kiss."

Her eyes widened. "How did you know it was my first?"

"Chihaya," he almost snorted. "You only know two kinds of love...the love you have for your family and friends, and the love you have for karuta. I'll be damned if you knew how romance even worked."

"Well, I'm not sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm not sorry about the kiss. I know why you did it, and I wouldn't change it at all. To receive my first kiss from someone who truly cares about me...isn't that every girl's dream?"

Taichi didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, she had essentially given him a get-out-of-jail-free card. She had freed him from the shackles of guilt that had stopped him from coming to see her sooner. She didn't regret it. She wouldn't have changed it at all.

And yet, it seemed as though she would have been just as happy if anyone who cared about her had done the same thing. Like Arata, for example.

"So if Arata had kissed you without warning, you wouldn't have minded either?"

She looked away. "That's not fair, Taichi."

"Life isn't fair, Chihaya," he snapped, his eyes defiant, yet empty. "I thought I was lucky. I thought I had it all. I always had top grades, I was good at sport, there were girls who gave me Valentine's chocolate every year. But none of it mattered, so long as you were looking elsewhere. Of all people, of all girls I've ever met, I had to be hopelessly in love with you, Chihaya, the one I could never have."

"Taichi, you know I'll always love you..."

"Don't," he said, fighting back tears. "Don't say those words, when you don't even know what they mean."

"You're my best friend, Taichi."

He smiled sadly at her. "I wish that was enough." He stood up and walked towards the open door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm late for practice," he replied, stepping outside. "Next time, we'll meet in a match."

Her eyes widened as she registered what he was implying.

As he grew smaller in the distance, she ran to the door and called out to him. "I knew it, Taichi! I knew you could never give up on karuta!"

He continued walking.

"Never," she repeated loudly. "That word doesn't apply to us, Taichi."

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face her. "What does that mean?"

"I don't need to explain it," she beamed at him with the same mouth that opened so impossibly wide. "You know what I mean, Taichi."

And somehow, he was filled with hope again.