Author's Note: I'm not sure where this came from. I was just feeling silly
and a bit delirious, i suppose. I'm sure it's not nearly as funny as i
thought it was whilst writing it. Anything and everything belongs to
Rowling, queen of us all.
*****
"Okay, which is it?"
Malfoy gave him a patronizing look. "Which is what, Weasley?"
"Which of us have you got a crush on?"
Draco's carefully groomed eyebrows rose unbelievably high on his forehead. "I beg your pardon?" he said with shocked indignance.
Ron narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "You heard me," he growled, voice echoing off the stone walls of the empty corridor. "Which one? Harry, me, or Hermione?"
"You've got to be joking," Malfoy sneered. "I wouldn't be caught dead with one of you filthy little--"
"Oh, cut the crap, Draco!" The use of his first name had become so rare, that in context it sounded like a swear word-- sharp and angry, and just wicked enough to add a dash of spice and excitement to the sentance. "You've got no other excuse for the way you act!"
"You mean," Draco suggested flatly, "humiliating you and seeing that you get in as much unnecessary trouble as possible?"
"Yeah! Er, no-- but... Well, when you put it that way, it sounds stupid!"
"Precisely."
"Stop trying to make me look like an idiot!" Ron fumed. It would make much more sense to hate Draco if he weren't so smart and.... *genteel*. Draco gave a somehow delicate snort.
"Like I'd have to try very hard."
"Shut up! Stop changing the subject!"
"*What* subject! For God's sake, Weasley, get to the point already."
"I did! You like one of us, don't you?"
"I'd like to know just how you got an idea like that into your head."
Ron squared his shoulders and put his nose up in the air. Give him silvery hair and a lack of freckles, he could easily be mistaken for Malfoy at the moment.
"I think you picking on us is just a cover-up," Ron said, in a tone that sounded almost like bragging. "I think you make up stupid excuses to hate us when really, you just want to shag one of us senseless." The tone of finality in his words made it sound as though he'd thought this over. Quite a bit.
"Shag you?" Draco asked, in a tone that meant the question was simply for clarification's sake. "You, Potter, or Granger?" A barking sort of laugh escaped his throat. "Honestly, Weasley, I don't know how you come up with these things..."
Ron went a bit red, and his fists shook. "I don't 'come up with' them, Malfoy! I know all about this stuff! And I can assure you that none of us are at all interested in a little snot like you, so take your queerness elsewhere!"
Draco sighed and rolled his eyes, pointing one of his hips forward in a stance that could be inferred as either bored or seductive. "Are you finished projecting your fantasies onto me? I've got things to do, you know..."
"Things... or Gryffindors?" Ron's eyes glinted triumphantly.
Draco sighed again. "Yes, Ron," he said sarcastically, "you're SO right. I'm going to go have hot anal sex with Neville Fucking Longbottom and let him filthy up my bed, then go and give Potter a blowjob while Granger watches. But don't feel too left out, love, I can probably squeeze you into my schedule sometime between supper and Quidditch practice."
Ron blinked. "What?"
"Sarcasm, Weasley. Look it up."
He then turned and left abruptly, and Ron was only able to scratch his bitten fingernails into his messy hair and head back to the common room.
Draco turned a corner, shaking his head and chuckling at the floor. He was so caught up in the humour of the situation that he wasn't looking where he was walking.
"Hey! Dammit, watch-- Oh, it's you." Draco gave an unmistakeably wolfish grin.
"'Lo."
"Sorry I'm late, I got cornered by a good-looking redhead. It was pretty funny, actually..."
"We'd better hurry. It won't be long before they finish studying in the library."
Draco smirked and threw an almost friendly arm around the other boy's shoulders. "Relax, Neville. We've got at least twenty minutes before Harry and Hermione get here. Besides, if they catch us in the act, it won't be the first time-- it'll probably just make Potter come early again. His loss, anyways."
*****
A/N: Muahahaaa!! Oi. I had way too much fun with that for my own good... Review, it'll make your keyboard taste like ginger ale!! (warning: reviewing does not make your keyboard taste like ginger ale. please do not try to taste your keyboard. especially if it's not yours.)
*****
"Okay, which is it?"
Malfoy gave him a patronizing look. "Which is what, Weasley?"
"Which of us have you got a crush on?"
Draco's carefully groomed eyebrows rose unbelievably high on his forehead. "I beg your pardon?" he said with shocked indignance.
Ron narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms. "You heard me," he growled, voice echoing off the stone walls of the empty corridor. "Which one? Harry, me, or Hermione?"
"You've got to be joking," Malfoy sneered. "I wouldn't be caught dead with one of you filthy little--"
"Oh, cut the crap, Draco!" The use of his first name had become so rare, that in context it sounded like a swear word-- sharp and angry, and just wicked enough to add a dash of spice and excitement to the sentance. "You've got no other excuse for the way you act!"
"You mean," Draco suggested flatly, "humiliating you and seeing that you get in as much unnecessary trouble as possible?"
"Yeah! Er, no-- but... Well, when you put it that way, it sounds stupid!"
"Precisely."
"Stop trying to make me look like an idiot!" Ron fumed. It would make much more sense to hate Draco if he weren't so smart and.... *genteel*. Draco gave a somehow delicate snort.
"Like I'd have to try very hard."
"Shut up! Stop changing the subject!"
"*What* subject! For God's sake, Weasley, get to the point already."
"I did! You like one of us, don't you?"
"I'd like to know just how you got an idea like that into your head."
Ron squared his shoulders and put his nose up in the air. Give him silvery hair and a lack of freckles, he could easily be mistaken for Malfoy at the moment.
"I think you picking on us is just a cover-up," Ron said, in a tone that sounded almost like bragging. "I think you make up stupid excuses to hate us when really, you just want to shag one of us senseless." The tone of finality in his words made it sound as though he'd thought this over. Quite a bit.
"Shag you?" Draco asked, in a tone that meant the question was simply for clarification's sake. "You, Potter, or Granger?" A barking sort of laugh escaped his throat. "Honestly, Weasley, I don't know how you come up with these things..."
Ron went a bit red, and his fists shook. "I don't 'come up with' them, Malfoy! I know all about this stuff! And I can assure you that none of us are at all interested in a little snot like you, so take your queerness elsewhere!"
Draco sighed and rolled his eyes, pointing one of his hips forward in a stance that could be inferred as either bored or seductive. "Are you finished projecting your fantasies onto me? I've got things to do, you know..."
"Things... or Gryffindors?" Ron's eyes glinted triumphantly.
Draco sighed again. "Yes, Ron," he said sarcastically, "you're SO right. I'm going to go have hot anal sex with Neville Fucking Longbottom and let him filthy up my bed, then go and give Potter a blowjob while Granger watches. But don't feel too left out, love, I can probably squeeze you into my schedule sometime between supper and Quidditch practice."
Ron blinked. "What?"
"Sarcasm, Weasley. Look it up."
He then turned and left abruptly, and Ron was only able to scratch his bitten fingernails into his messy hair and head back to the common room.
Draco turned a corner, shaking his head and chuckling at the floor. He was so caught up in the humour of the situation that he wasn't looking where he was walking.
"Hey! Dammit, watch-- Oh, it's you." Draco gave an unmistakeably wolfish grin.
"'Lo."
"Sorry I'm late, I got cornered by a good-looking redhead. It was pretty funny, actually..."
"We'd better hurry. It won't be long before they finish studying in the library."
Draco smirked and threw an almost friendly arm around the other boy's shoulders. "Relax, Neville. We've got at least twenty minutes before Harry and Hermione get here. Besides, if they catch us in the act, it won't be the first time-- it'll probably just make Potter come early again. His loss, anyways."
*****
A/N: Muahahaaa!! Oi. I had way too much fun with that for my own good... Review, it'll make your keyboard taste like ginger ale!! (warning: reviewing does not make your keyboard taste like ginger ale. please do not try to taste your keyboard. especially if it's not yours.)