There were so many bodies.

Blood and parts as far as Cassian's eye could see. Thousands upon thousands of lives lost, so many species, so many families… Cassian's whole body shuddered. His heart skipped a beat as he took in his surroundings. Tiny legs crawled in his blood, sending goosebumps all over. The air in his lungs threatened him, and his mind begged for more. The fear of inhaling the horrible smell of iron and sulfur kept him from doing so. Only one thought echoed in his mind.

What happened here?

Cassian forced himself to step forward, placing his foot in the nooks and crannies where there was solid ground in between the piles. The closer he got, the more their faces came into view.

He recognized them as people he's killed. On accident, on purpose, it didn't matter. Whomever he had led to their ultimate demise lay before him in a twisted heap.

That's when he heard it. Like a chorus of haunting echoes in the breeze, gasps and sentences the dead had spoken right before he claimed their lives. From teary-eyed pleading to stone cold threats, it all crescendoed in his ears, threatening to surround him in their last moments of agony.

Stop!

Cassian started jogging through the piles. Every single face he could remember. The agonizing deaths he had brought down upon them. Explosions, assassinations, and firefights with the Empire...they were all here. Everyone he's killed. Their expressions twisted in some horrible contortion of what once was considered rosey and alive. Eyes paled and rolled into their heads. He ran faster and faster until he couldn't hold his breath anymore. The stench of blood and heated meat filled his lungs. He could practically taste it on his tongue. No matter where he turned, there was another body. The noises wouldn't stop! They wouldn't-

Finally, Cassian collapsed onto the ground. He couldn't run from who he was. His father would have hated this. Hated everything he's been forced to do. No...chosen to do. It wasn't until he let his hands fall against the ground that he noticed his own blue puffy jacket.

Talia was wearing it.

Blank eyes stared up at the sky. Her cheeks, once full of life, paled so much that he almost didn't recognize her. One hand clutched a blaster, but it wasn't fast enough against the two blaster holes in her chest. The other hand lay in KayTuesso's, his shell of a body on the ground next to hers.

No….No!

Tears sprung from his brown eyes and he raked his hand against his chest as he sobbed. He yelled out, letting all of the air escape his lungs until his voice broke. He could feel the pain, the agony, the heart-wrenching emotions ripping the love out of his beating heart. Who did this? It couldn't…

Oh god. I killed them…

I killed them.

Cassian could see his own reflection in Talia's blood. Nonchalant. Emotionless. Not even one hint of remorse or tears in his eyes. Cassian cried out, filling the air with Talia's name as he cradled her cold form in his arms.

No! This hasn't happened yet!

He pleaded with himself in his own mind, but no matter what he did, his reflection stayed the same. Still. Calm. The perfect soldier.

Cassian shot up in his bed, covered in sweat and salty tears. He glanced around, noticing Kay was in the room in the corner, focusing his attention on some kind of device. Cassian quickly wiped his tears away and ran his hands through his damp hair. The image of Talia's lifeless face burned into his mind, causing him to squeeze his eyes shut and take a deep breath.

Kaytoo turned around and analyzed what happened. The signs were all there. The labored breathing, sweat, shaking hands, and Cassian's sure fire way to cover up the truth gave it away. It didn't take more than five seconds before he asked, "Another nightmare? What was it about this time?"

Should he even tell the truth to the droid?

That's when it hit Cassian.

As much as he wanted to keep people at arm's length, he couldn't. That made him the soldier he saw in his nightmare. The one willing to sacrifice his friends and loved ones. He couldn't be afraid to be open to the two people closest to him. Not after everything they've been through or what could in the future. With a heaving sigh and a moment to catch his breath, Cassian pushed himself to feel human again.

"I thought I could forget about my past. Brush it off and store those terrible memories in the back of my mind. I remember every single one of them. Every single one of their faces." His hands pulled at the ends of his hair. The inside of his chest was a melting pot of emotion and warmth. "It's never been easy to kill someone. To take their life for such a meaningful purpose...Draven calls it fate. I get sick to my stomach every time.

"Those stormtroopers that shoot at us? The masks make it easier to kill. It replaces their humanity. But to see the deaths of those who aren't hiding behind masks, to see the way their bodies contort...It haunts me. The last expression on their face twists and their dying words echo in my ears…"

Cassian's shaky hand rubbed his forehead. The memories raked at his mind, threatening to consume him. "My first Rebel deserter kill was a man named Spolvae Shelal. Normal Rodian spy. Knew his stuff. He got in too deep with some Imperial and tried to run away. As if we wouldn't find out he was on the verge of selling secrets to anyone as slippery as a greased Dug. I…" He paused. Shelal was going to ruin the Rebellion in its crib. Cassian kept repeating the scenario in his mind. "I shot him. Even after all of the good times we've had at the base, I forced myself to shoot him."

One breath. Two breaths. Cassian steadied his breathing as much as he could while his heart thumped against his chest. "There were times where I had to watch my friends die. Execution style. Shot through the head with a sniper blaster while on a mission. Caught in the crossfire with warring civilian groups. Every time the Empire claims another one of our lives, it stokes the fire within me. But...what hurts the most are the deaths I have caused. I can't figure out who the damn leak is. Someone somewhere is intercepting our comms feeds or something and I should be able to figure it out…"

Cassian trailed off for a second, staring off into nothingness. He narrowed his eyes slightly before continuing, "This isn't how I imagined myself being all those years ago. I don't know h-how to be any other way." His voice broke at the end. He adjusted himself in his seat and thought back. If six year old Cassian had seen him now, what would he say? "Which is why I keep reiterating that this is for the cause. One that will free the galaxy from its powerful tyranny. One that I will have a hand in finishing myself or die trying."

Resolution and confidence swirled together in his mind, but in the back crept doubt. Always doubt. Cassian frowned and stared down at his hands. "I have done horrendous things in the name of this cause. Assassinations, murders, thievery, set ups, sabotages, it all makes me doubt myself. Doubt this cause. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself once I break."

Tension draped the room. Kaytoo looked around, his white optics searching for an answer he could not see. The droid cocked his head to the side, confused as to why Cassian fired off in a tangent. "That did not answer my query."

Cassian bit his tongue. How could he answer that without breaking down? Without believing that he was the cause of it? Blood drifted around in his mouth, washing around his taste buds. It mixed with the bittersweet fear building up in his system. Having a soul and caring for others...but the fear, god, the fear grew stronger every waking moment. "I lost you and Talia."

They could have died from anything. Caught in between a civilian war. Imperials. Rogues. Darth Vader...Cassian's own hand. A ghostly chill crashed over Cassian at the sheer thought of it. Tears pricked at his eyes. "Do you think I'd let you perish?"

Kaytoo did not hesitate, "Statistically? Yes."

A jolt of pain slashed at Cassian's stomach. The droid is right. Or, well, he was. Facing the Emperor and Darth Vader opened Cassian's eyes to a new perspective of life. Who he cared about mattered just as much as the rebellion. Without each other, who would build hope? Who would keep him steady? Within the hectic times he'd had since the risky business on Coruscant way back when, he'd gotten used to the banter. The fun. The actual real laughter. Bringing Kaytoo to their side only enhanced their chances of survival. Even though he was a pain in his ass, the KX-unit cared in his own way. "Explain."

With a shrug, Kaytoo peered towards the other side of the room. His gaze flickered down to the floor as he replied, "I'm a droid. Repairable. Expendable. When it comes to the greater good versus saving me, the odds are in favor of the former."

True and...not true. Simultaneously. All this caring made Cassian's head spin. "I will do all I can to protect you. You two are all I truly have."

"You also maintain a high rank within the Rebellion."

"I…" he trailed off. Cassian sat up straighter and set his hands on his legs. With a few steady breaths, he remained composed. Collected. Doubt threatened to take over, yet he shoved it aside. "I live and breathe for the cause. My whole life is built on it. On hope."

Kaytoo's eyes wandered back over to Cassian, his words almost haunting,"Do you know any other home, Cassian?"

There was a brief moment of silence. Not even the gears moving in Cassian's mind could be heard. Without a doubt, there was only one answer. Cassian admitted softly, "Home is wherever the Rebellion is. Wherever you and Talia are."

Near relief echoed from the droid's voicebox, "You care a great deal about us."

"It scares me." The rebel clenched his hands to stop them from shaking. He stared straight forward, eyes not daring to move. Did he really admit that out loud? Great. Just another thing he has to stuff back inside his inner burial grounds.

Kaytoo tapped his finger against his leg for a second in a moment of contemplation. "I would ask permission to question why, but I think you would decline."

A chuckle brushed passed Cassian's lips. Learning more about Kaytoo was...interesting, to say the least. Entertaining in a way where he has no filter. It felt almost real in that way. Most people he's come across always lie to him in some way or another. Not Kaytoo. "Why do you think that?"

"In the short time I have known you, you have barely considered me or anyone else as a confidant." The KX-unit waved his hand in the air as if he were dismissing a thought. Then, his hand suspended in the air as if he were taking a second thought. "Though, I should mark it in my memory that you opened up to me tonight."

Cassian ran through that thought for a moment. Talia perhaps knows the guilt and the fear of failure, but not this. Not the nightmares and despair to this extent. Not even Halron knew. "It comes with the territory." Cassian's eyes flickered to the droid, "I know it has been the rockiest start between us. You are important to me, Kay." It was mostly because of his skill and ability to blend in. Yet, there was something about him that drew Cassian in more. "It scares me because I do not want to lose either of you."

"Seems rather ridiculous. You can simply repair me."

Cassian cracked a smile, but a pang of pain hit his heart. Repairing doesn't always do the trick. "And about losing Talia?"

Kaytoo nodded. "With how she treats tactics, that fear is reasonable."

At least someone agreed with him.

KayTuesso continued before turning back to his device, "You are no walk in the park either."

I'm going to let that one slide. Cassian avoided the topic any further. He didn't need to be psychoanalyzed by anyone right now. "Thank you for listening."

Kay turned his head slightly, looking back at his savior for a moment. He seemed to process a thought for a minute before speaking, "Believe it or not, I will be here for you in times of need."

"That is reassuring, Kay." Cassian rested his head in his hands for a moment, relishing the silence. His breathing had returned to normal and his heart calmed tremendously.

There was a long pause before rustling rang in the air. Cassian lifted his head to find Kaytoo sit next to him on the bed, his weight causing him to sink a bit more. The droid raised his arm, hesitated, then patted Cassian on the back a few times. "You reprogrammed me and saved me from an extremely complicit lifestyle. The least I can do is be kind to you."

His heart flooded with more warmth than he could comprehend. This. This is why he was here. To save people. To make a difference. To make one more good thing happen than bad in this universe. A small smile tugged at the corners of Cassian's lips as he admitted, "Thank Talia. She did most of the work."

"Why am I not surprised?"

"Hey-" Cassian nudged him playfully, "You wouldn't be here without me. I wanted to save you."

KayTuesso paused, seemingly processing it. Possibly storing this peaceful moment as one of his favorites in his memory bank. "Thank you, Cassian."