She had already removed the rest of the decoration and the one last thing that remained was the Christmas tree. She had saved it for last.

It was a funny thing actually. Despite of having the reputation of a messy person she was so careful with anything Christmas related. She was taking each ornament one by one and with exceptionally delicate movements placed them in separate little boxes and exclusive cases to stuff them till the next year. She had an excellent collection. She hadn't chosen single colored balls or something like that. They were festive figurines, each silhouette unique. She had once confessed to Jay that she had bought them the first Christmas she rent her own apartment and it was obvious that Camille had helped her back then. She treated them like it was the memories of Camille herself she had in her hands.

He was sitting back at the couch hanging his hands loose at the hence of it. He was watching her spinning around, her movements fluid like she was dancing and he was enjoying every moment of it.

She had almost finished when she reached at a point that she had to stretch to reach the ornaments from the higher brands and the top at last.

It was then when he sat at the edge of his seat. He was always worried about her. But after Nadia's death he was even more. Her attitude had changed after her loss. She'd never managed to get over it. She passed her sabbatical period but even after that, she was a different person. She had become a dare devil. He was present when she was screaming at the face of an armed suspect, teasing him and ended begging Nick to shoot her. He recognized the look in her eyes when he didn't pressed the trigger but it wasn't the one he expected it wasn't relief the emotion he was facing but disappointment. And she was putting herself in harm's way so frequently that he instinctively had to pull her behind him when they were involved in shootings.

He couldn't figure what was the cause that driving her to act reckless, but he made a promise to himself, that he would always protecting her, even if this was against her own will.

He wasn't capable to understand having her towering walls so high a fortress of solitude protecting her wounded heart her weak wish for life and her damaged bruised and scared soul, but he was willing to stay there until the moment she would feel safe enough to confide her inner demons to him.

And how it was even possible to get it? He was admiring her, she had managed to overcome whatever obstacle life through to her path, she was a survivor.

Through her prism the perspective was distorted. She was not a survivor, she was a warrior still struggling to fight her life's battle. She believed she was no one even close to worth admiration, in the contrary she thought she was the one to be accused for every wrong. Everything was her fault. She was responsible for her loved ones and she was guilty for failing to stand at the height of her expectations and prove herself unworthy of the highly risked mission of her life to protect them. She was stealing blaming herself for Bunny's misery, Camille's, her only true mother, death, Nadia's and recently Justin's murder and she couldn't handle it.

So she was dealing the loss with the only way she figured she could be good at. In every giving opportunity she was offering the opportunity to close a loose end. She provoked death to take her too, considering she was a nearly miss and she was the one should be dead instead of the ones they actually were. She couldn't bring them back, but she could join them. It was a win win situation. She would reunite with them and spare the world the effort to tolerate her pathetic excuse of a human she thought she was. After all she had already admitted not only to herself but to Hank too, that she was only bad news from the day she was born and to be honest she was regretting that, the day that meant to be her best friend's memorial date of death. That couldn't be a coincidence. That was the truth behind her risk defining attitude.

She had already climbed at the corner table beside the Christmas tree standing on her tiptoes her heels not touching the furniture. She was balancing at the edge giving Jay goosebumps even in her slightest movement. He couldn't take it anymore and he let it go.

"Hey shorty, do you need any help?" he teased her.

She turned around to face him when her right foot slipped. He stood and covered the distance between them in the blink of an eye, considering he was already in alert knowing her. He caught her midair.

She was in his arms still holding the star of the top of the tree and her cheeks blushed when she realized the way he grabbed her was like a newlywed man carrying his bride. He felt her tensed in his arms and he pretend he hadn't noticed the picture had that effect on her.

"I caught a falling star." He teased her.

"Yeah... you caught it." waving the star she was still holding in her hand. His plan had worked and she was distracted.

"Not this silly, I meant you." he laughed. And continued "Now I wish for a back rub, a foot massage and a…"

"Hey… hey… hold on one moment Mr. Greedy. I'm supposed to be a falling star not a genie. You have a single wish. One wish and only." She cut him midsentence.

He kicked his eyebrow and pressed his lips tightly sideways pretending he was in deep thoughts.

"Ok then… you ungrateful cheapo… I wish for a kiss." He said proud for himself that he had formed a rhyme.

It was her turn to play the offended from his remark so…

"I think I could spread you a little of my stardust." She replied and started light kissing him all over his face.

"Are you satisfied…?" she asked him when she paused to catch her breath.

"No..., not even close miss..." He said to her, tightening his grip around her and lifting her at the point, that she was curled in front of his face, her entire body almost wrapped around his head in her effort to steady herself. And he dug his face and pressed playful kisses at her belly until she couldn't breathe of the giggles.

Watching her happy like that, he realized the she was everything he had and would ever wished for.