The Laughing Scooby

By: Bubbajack

Beta: Maestro of Madness

Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS or anything else associated with this fic.

(…)

Ch.1: It Begins with a Wish.

It should've been obvious in hindsight. Strange things always happened when he got involved with magic and prophecies. When he learned, Buffy was doomed to die, did he sit idly by and allow it to happen? No, he fought back! He defied fate and brought her back from death. Things got weirder during Halloween that year when he dressed as James Bond and due to the meddling of one of Giles old friend's he ended up becoming the international super spy. When the spell broke, he retained all manner of knowledge. From how to kill a man with a toothpick at ten yards, to expertly driving Ferrari's, fighter jets, hacking computers, shooting guns, and of course, charming the opposite sex. Using his new skills, he decided to 'tame the shrew' and went after Cordelia Chase. They dated, he was happy…that is, until Willow found out. So confident was he in his own newly acquired abilities that he didn't think about how this would affect his friends.

Still, all things considered, all was well…until Cordelia attempted to break up with him on Valentine's Day. Then he did something stupid. He conned Amy Madison into casting a spell that would make Cordelia fall back in love with him. He should've known better. It backfired spectacularly, causing everyone but Cordelia to want to jump his bones. After that, she really wanted nothing to do with him. Neither did Buffy or Willow for a time as they were both seeing someone then. Eventually, however, he was forgiven, and things went on as normal.

However, things began to slowly go downhill as the years went on. Willow's addiction to magic combined with Tara's death leading to her almost destroying the world, if it weren't for him stepping in. The death of Joyce, Glory attempting to kill Dawn culminating in Buffy sacrificing herself to close the portal. Buffy's future resurrection thinking we were pulling her from a Hell Dimension only to find it was not hell, but Heaven we dragged her from. She was different then. The spark she possessed wavered upon Joyce's death had been completely extinguished upon her revival. Things only got worse from there. Buffy starting a loveless affair with Spike, Dawn becoming a kleptomaniac, him leaving Anya at the altar, the coming of the First Evil, being told by Buffy to get Dawn out of Sunnydale while she fought an army of Turok-Han with her own army of Slayers. He couldn't even do that much as Dawn managed to knock him out and turn the car around. By the time they arrived, the fight was in full swing, but he managed to dust a few Turok-Han himself. Even so, by the end of it all, he'd failed. He failed to keep Dawn out of the fight. Failed to do as Buffy asked, and above all, failed Anya.'

These thoughts kept roving around in Xander's head as the bus they were all piled in. He fidgeted nervously, but everyone was so exhausted that no one noticed. If they knew what he was planning, Willow would attempt to stop him, Buffy and Dawn, even more so. He looked around at all the dozens of Slayers and let a content yet bitter smile slide across his face. 'What could I really do for her now? She's got an army, Willow is Sorceress Supreme, and I-I'm just Xander, a one-eyed carpenter.' He let off a mental snort at his own expense. 'She doesn't need me. Not anymore.'

His mind made up he waited for the next stop at a gas station before he made his move. It was woefully easy. When their bus pulled up for gas and a chance for a group of half-addled slayers to stretch their legs, Xander slipped out with them and hung around the back of the store until the bus drove off again. Xander then wearily made his way into the building. The fat, balding man behind the counter looked as tired as he felt as he went up to him and asked, "When's the next Greyhound supposed to stop by?"

Getting on the bus was simple. His destination of choice was not so. In the end, he decided that if the others were heading to the Cleveland Hellmouth, then he would be better off heading the other way, back towards California, destination, San Francisco. When he arrived, he booked the closest hotel he could find and fell into a fitful slumber filled with the faces of his disappointed friends and dead Anya. Finding himself unable to sleep, he decided to ease his guilt by calling the one person amongst the group he thought would understand. Willow.

He wasn't foolish enough to call her on his cell, though, knowing she could and would through means technological or mystical track him down that way. Instead, he used the landline located in his hotel room. He knew the number by heart, which is why he was confused when someone who most certainly wasn't her answered and said "Goddess Relief Office, my name is Belldandy and I'll be granting your wish today."

'Did I just call a sex hotline?' Xander wondered to himself. Yet for some reason he doubted it. The voice on the other end of the line sounded too pure and innocent for lack of a better term to belong to a phone sex operator.

So he said to her, "I'm sorry miss, I seem to have dialed a wrong number by mistake."

"I'll be with you momentarily." She replied seeming not to hear him before the phone mysteriously went dead.

"What was all that about?" Xander muttered to himself.

Belldandy stood from her seat within the Heavens as prepared to head towards the world gate that would take her to mid-gard. She gave the file of her client, Alexander Lavelle Harris, one final pass through before she did, however.

Name: Alexander Lavelle CHoAnRsRtIaSnStine

Age: 23

Blood type: 1/5th Babylonian God (Nurgle), 1/5th Succubus, 1/5th Hyena, 1/5th Great Old On (Dagon), 1/5thHuman.

Lineage: He Who Laughs at Fate, The One Who Sees.

Height: 178cm/5'10in.

Weight: 70kg/154lbs.

Eye color: Brown.

Place of residence: Boca del Infierno (Mouth of Hell)

She would have to handle him carefully she knew. Now that he was no longer constantly being bombarded by the energies of a Hellmouth, his inherent powers could emerge at any time. Giving a silent prayer that he did not wish for the destruction of both Gods and Devils like his sire would if given the same opportunity, she headed towards the World Gate intent on fulfilling his dream.

Mere moments later, Xander could just stare as a beautiful woman with light brown hair, blue markings adorning her cherubic face, and wearing a blue and white toga appeared out of mirror of all things. Wasting no time, he reached into his pack and drew out a flask of holy water which he flung at the entity before he charged, screaming a wooden stake raised in his other hand, intent on driving it through her heart. He saw her oceanic blue eyes widen in surprise before she raised a hand and the holy water he flung her way froze in mid-air. With but another flick of her hand, the demon hunter found himself unable to move nor speak, his body still as stone and covered in a golden aura.

Letting out a slight sigh the woman locked her eyes to his single one before she curtsied and spoke in a kindly if apologetic tone, "I apologize, I should've known better than to appear before you the way I did. It was an error on my part. Please, forgive me."

Xander looked at the being before him. He didn't sense any malevolence coming from her, but that didn't mean anything. 'But she has me at her mercy, if she wanted me dead, I'd be dead. Maybe she's trying to use me as bait to get to Buffy and the others? But then why would she be apologizing for scaring me?'

The paralyzed man looked at her closer with his remaining eye, and for just a moment, he saw something. Around the girl, a bona-fied angel stood. Its hair was like silken spun gold, wings like that of a dove, its modesty covered by a spiraling sheaf of silk around its svelte form. Wedding bells played in the air as innumerable voices called out from everywhere and nowhere, "Perfecta Dea, Perfecta Dea!"

Then he blinked, and the vision was gone. But somehow, he knew. He knew he had seen something that shown him the core of the being before him, and with it, he felt shame. Shame that he attempted to attack something so pure and kind. Hanging his head, he muttered, "I-I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't-I didn't realize."

He didn't even register himself falling to the floor, his knees giving way and he allowed himself to shake with shame. Only to stop when he felt a gentle hand begin to caress his back. Looking up he found the Goddess kneeling before him doing her best to ease his woes. Seeing her concern for him in her eyes, made him feel even worse.

He was about to say as much when she gently shushed him, saying, "Don't apologize, as I said, it was my fault for coming to you like I did, and now your powers are beginning to unveil themselves aren't they? That's how you know what I am, right?"

Seeing such concern on her face for him, caused him to go into 'damage control mode,' "No, no don't be upset, I can't stand it when a girl is upset. It's all my fault anyway, I'm sorry, really."

This earned him a warm smile and a gentle caress to his cheek as she said, "Oh, Alexander, you don't need to blame yourself. Not for Jessie, not for the time you were possessed by that Hyena, not for decisions of your friends to push you away to keep you safe. Not for Faith and her decisions. None of it was your fault."

He looked at her, stunned, "I should be surprised that you know all of that, Belldandy, but I'm not. You are a Norn after all." He blinked and went over what he just said, "How did I know all of that?"

"I would be more than happy to explain if you'd like?" she offered him both an explanation and a hand up both of which he accepted, gratefully.

Once they both were seated on his bed, he turned to her and asked, "What's going on with me? I suddenly know the name of the Norn of the Present, just by looking at her, and more importantly, what are you doing here?"

"I believe it would be easier if I answered the last question first. I am here Alexander, to grant you your heart's desire in the form of a single wish."

"Ok, where are the cameras' cause I know I'm being punked."

Letting out a small giggle, the Goddess replied, "No, no joke. You have been chosen to receive a single wish."

Brown eye met blue, and he asked, "Why me?"

"You are a good person. You go out of your way to help others, to do good at the expense of yourself. You have earned this, Alexander, you truly have."

Upon hearing her reasoning, he couldn't help himself, he laughed. He laughed until tears streamed from his remaining eye. Belldandy sat beside him, concerned for his chortling held undertones of madness. Finally, he seemed to calm only to say, "Do you have any idea how ironic this is? All the shit I've been through over the past seven years, everything I've lost, and only now does someone decide to show up and offer me something like this?"

The Goddess frowned in a rare display of sadness, "I'm sorry, but it's too dangerous for us to travel to any Hellmouth directly. Prolonged exposure to its energies could lead to Corruption, which in turn would result in us Falling."

"Both of those sound pretty bad." He conceded.

A nod from the Goddess, "They are. Corruption… it is the final trap laid by the first primordial demons. They tainted the Trees of Life, and from them all life springs and is interconnected. From that, Trees of Death, and realms of Shadow and Destruction were created, and because all things are connected and spring from the Trees…"

"Any and everything is capable of being Corrupted." Xander surmised.

"Exactly. It is due to corruption that Hellmouth's exist. It's the byproduct of the Trees of Death trying to force their way into the domains of Trees of Life."

"That sucks. But I get a wish huh? Any limits on what I can or can't wish for?"

"None at all," The Goddess replied with a shake of her head, "You could wish for money, power, women, even the destruction of the universe if you so desired."

Giving her a deadpan stare, he retorted, "You're kidding, right?" Seeing her shake her head in response with that serene smile on her face, Xander sighed and said, "Well, I'm not wishing for that. I had a bad experience trying to make a girl fall in love with me once so I don't feel right wishing for love. You said I have powers and will tell me about them, and I believe in working for my money. So, I'll just have to think of something else I guess…"

When he trailed off, Belldandy commented, "Ah yes, Aphrodite was none too pleased with your friend using magic to pilfer some of her power to fulfill your request, so she overpowered the spell and made it have the opposite effect. She was smug for weeks afterward."

Upon hearing this, the cyclops let out a groan, before laying his head in his hands and saying, "Oh great, I've pissed off the Greek Goddess of Love, no wonder my love life is like something out of a Grecian Tragedy."

"There, there," Belldandy said while rubbing his back, "She only interfered that one time. All the rest were either the interference of demons or the Powers that Be."

"Middle management for the good guys has been messing with my love life why…and how the hell did I know that?"

The Norn of the Present decided now was the time to fill him in on his own abilities. "Alexander, you just like all of your friends, are special. Even more so than Elizabeth."

She received a disbelieving look for that statement, "I have a hard time believing I'm even more special than Buffy, Bell. She's the Slayer, the 'Chosen One' after all."

Hearing the air quotes in his tone, Belldandy took on of his hands in her own, causing him to look at her as she said, "You are special Alexander, so special in fact; that both the forces of good and evil are afraid of you. Worried that you could derail their best-laid plans."

As he looked into her eyes, and he saw nothing but truth and honesty therein, but mixed in with that, was fear. She was afraid of him; if only just, and he couldn't help but wonder why.

"Why me of all people? Why are the Powers, demons, and you afraid of me?" he asked looking at her intently.

That last bit caused her to jump a little bit, and look at him worriedly, but she didn't pull her hand away from his. Seeing the fear in her eyes he gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and spoke quietly and calmly, "I promise Bell, I won't hurt you."

Taking a calming breath, the Goddess replied, "I know Alexander, I know. It's just if anyone else of your lineage were to be given the power of a rule free wish, it is known that they would wish for the mutual destruction of both the forces of Good and Evil, to ensure free will."

He nodded understanding her fear, with but a few words, he could bring death to her loved ones, her friends, family members, acquaintances, and everyone she ever knew. He also knew he would be lying to himself if he thought the prospect of a world without demons, one where people like Buffy wouldn't have to fight, wasn't a good one. So, he asked, "Is it possible to rid the world of demons without affecting Angels and Goddesses like you?"

Much to his surprise, Belldandy shook her head. "Alas, no. Due to the Doublet System put in place by the Charred Council, which pairs the life-force of a divine being and that of a demon at birth at random, it is impossible to kill off one side without doing the same to the other."

"Shit." Xander swore before raising a new question, "You said I had powers, a lineage, and was more important than Buffy. I think it's time you quit trying to stall and sidetrack me and explained all that like you said you would."

The Perfecta Dea had taken a deep breath before she began, "You are from a lineage known as the Laughing Magicians. Those of your bloodline are called such because of your unique magic which allows you to manipulate probability and though that, the threads fate itself. This ability has made your line feared by the forces of both good and evil as unlike most, you have true free will."

"I'm not tied to any prophecy or fate, something like that?"

Hesitantly Belldandy nodded, "But there is more to it than that. You can manipulate the fates of others just as easily as your own. In fact, you've already subconsciously done so on six separate occasions over the past seven years."

He was about to open his mouth to ask what she meant when he closed it and gave it some thought. 'I resurrected Buffy, I figured out how to destroy the 'invincible' Judge, I stopped Willow from destroying the world, turned Anya into a Scooby, I suppose disarming the bomb to take out the Mayor counts.'

"What was the last one?" he asked.

"The current head of the Slayer Line, Faith. By believing in her like you did, you set her down the path to redemption."

Shaking his head, he replied, "No Angel did that, not me."

Smiling at him serenely, Belldandy replied, "Yes, but by hurting you she felt the first true signs of guilt. Which grew and grew to the point she willing kept herself locked in a prison cell when no such thing should be able to hold one like the Slayer. That is-"

"Unless she wanted to be there." Xander finished.

"Indeed. But you have an additional ability one you accessed accidentally upon meeting me. Tied directly to your title as the One Who Sees."

"Caleb," Xander muttered in realization.

Quirking her head in confusion, Belldandy inquired, "Caleb, he was the Priest and Vessel for the First Evil was he not?"

Giving her a nod before pointing to his eyepatch, the demon hunter replied, "Yeah, he was also the one who gouged out my eye."

"I'm sorry." The sincerity in her voice was palpable.

Shaking his head, he told her, "Don't be, it's not your fault. But anyway, Caleb also called me the 'One Who Sees.' I thought he was just crazy at the time, but now..."

"He was likely receiving visions from the First. He knew you were dangerous. Being the One Who Sees allows you to…" She paused thinking about how best to explain, "See the truth of things. When you looked at me earlier, you saw my purest self. According to the Lexicanium, the library of Heaven, even magic holds no mysteries for you. As you perceive it differently, and in magic, perception is everything." Belldandy told him.

Xander took a minute to process this, before he asked for clarification, "So I'm a super wizard?"

This earned him a giggle. Belldandy's laugh was like the tinkle of wind chimes in the breeze. Hearing it both made him happy and put him at ease all at once. When it ceased, he was slightly disappointed, as he wanted to continue to listen to her laughter.

"Indeed, I suppose you could look at it like that."

Feeling a little more upbeat, he joked, "In that case, you can call me Dr. Alexander Lavelle Harris, Sorcerer Supreme."

"I'm not sure Stephen Strange would appreciate the comparison." She mused as she chuckled once again, this time wiping away a tear caused by her mirth.

This caught the young adult unawares, "You know about comic books up in pearly gates?"

Much to his surprise, Belldandy smiled conspiratorially before she said, "Can you keep a secret Alexander?"

"I kept the fact that vampires, demons, and other nasty things exist and my hometown is set upon a portal to hell. Yeah, I think I can keep a secret Bell."

His response, sounding amused yet delivered in a deadpan fashion caused the goddess to giggle once again before she answered, "Every author of every book is merely peering into another universe. They are not creating characters but writing about actual events."

Xander stared at the wall in silence for a full minute before rubbing his temples and saying, "Ow, my brain."

Again, her laughter echoed throughout the room. This was why she enjoyed her job, humans were so much more. More diverse than the Goddesses, Gods, and Spirits that inhabited the Celestial Realm, and made up the Celestial Bureaucracy. They came in all manner of shapes and sizes, but in the end, they had a sole function: To do good.

Humans, however, were capable of both great good and evil in equal amounts and were carefully manipulated and guided by the forces of both sides to ensure they grew strong enough to survive until the Promised Day. But, much like young children who thought they knew what was best for themselves, humanity often did what they wanted, when they wanted to do it. With no thought given to the bigger picture.

It made them easy prey for demonic temptation. But those who could resist such bittersweet fruits became the greatest of heroes much like the man before her. He may be of that bloodline, but she could feel it. He was a righteous person. He would do great things, terrible things, if it meant blackening the eye of the forces of evil. She would keep a close eye on him after he made his wish, that much was certain. She wanted to see how far he would go.

While Belldandy was lost in her amusement, Xander was giving his wish some thought. 'I have powers I don't know how to use. I could wish for information about that. I am all alone now. I have no money, but it would be stupid to waste it on a wish. I am…all alone now. The multiverse is real, I suppose I could wish for a portal gun. I. Am. All. Alone. Now.'

He sighed and rubbed his head, that niggling little thought wouldn't leave him alone. 'Yes,' he admitted to himself, 'I am all alone now. But if I really think about it, I've been all alone for longer than just now. Surrounded by people like Buffy, Willow, Tara, Faith Kendra, Giles, I was just the normal one. An outcast in a group of superheroes.'

Xander looked to Belldandy giving her a reassuring smile. 'She knows about my powers and how they work. I wouldn't be alone. She could help me probably. I wouldn't be alone anymore. She's gorgeous. Hell yeah, she is.'

'Heh, now my subconscious agrees with me.' Xander thought before giving a small hyenic chuckle.

Feeling her hand on his shoulder, he turned to see the goddess staring at him in concern. "Alexander, is everything alright?"

'I don't want to be alone anymore. Just this once-.'

He smiled at her sadly and said, "Yeah everything is fine. I-I just decided what to wish for."

Smiling at him with kindness and serenity surpassing even angels' Belldandy replied, "That's great. Feel free to go ahead whenever you're ready."

The young hunter cleared this throat, "I wish-"

'I shouldn't be doing this, it isn't fair to her.'

What about you, what do you want? A voice in the back of his mind counter-argued.

"I wish…"

Another pause, another mental argument. 'She'll hate me, she'll kill me for this.'

No, she won't.

'Oh, how do you know?' Xander snapped at his inner voice.

She said you could wish for anything, even the destruction of the universe. If she's ok with that, then why wouldn't she be alright with this?

'…You have a point.' Xander conceded.

Of course, I do. Now make the damn wish already! We both know that you want to.

Letting loose a sigh, he looked at the vision of loveliness, the Goddess, Perfecta Dea, that sat on the bed next to him; silently, serenely waiting for him to state his heart's desire.

"I'm sorry." He said at length. Guilt fleck in his tone.

Giving her head a minute shake she replied warmly, "Don't be."

He assumed she meant for his stuttering and stalling, but he was apologizing for something else entirely.

'Just this once, I'm going to be selfish.' He had told himself before he spoke the words that would forever change his fate.

"I wish, that a Goddess like you, would stay by my side…forever."

The last thing he saw, was a piercing flash of blinding white light emitting from the center of the Goddesses forehead, streaking skyward, towards the heavens…

(…)

Chapter length: 4,300 words Number of Pages: 9 Date Completed: 1/8/2016

(…)

AN: Welcome one and all to the second crazy BtVS crossover fic I've ever written. Hopefully, you liked the intro. You may have noticed it's shorter than my usual fair, and the answer for that is simple. Writing long chapters isn't really a good idea, from what I've read, it's kinda a bad habit to fall into if one plans to write an actual novel.

Yes, I know people like it, but on average a novel is somewhere between 100-175,000 words. If this was an actual book, there is no chance in hell it would be published if each chapter was 10-20k in length. It's just considered too 'bloated.' The best one could hope for with chapters that long would be to cut what would've been a single novel into a series of smaller books, like what Christopher Palioni did with "Brisingr." It was originally so long, he broke it up into two separate books, "Brisingr" and "Inheritance."

But now onto the fic itself, and its inspiration. I've always been a fan of anti-heroes as they are a more realistic depiction of heroism in my mind at least. One of my personal favorites was and still is, John Constantine from Vertigo's Hellblazer series. Sarcastic, witty, seems to screw over fate and apocalypses on a regular basis. Then I starting thinking how similar he was to Xander, who acts much the same way: Sarcastic, Witty, has screwed over a prophecy or three. This made me think 'Is Xander sure Tony is his dad and not this guy? Because they are so similar, it's not even funny.' And that is how this fic got started.

Also, since Rogue Trader went over so well, I thought I'd try something similar with the multi-crossovers here. Next chap things get bloody fun! But enough of my rambling. I bid you all ado till my next chapter.

~ Bubbajack out! Peace!