Balance

Quiet.

If I, Junko Enoshima, were forced to pick the one thing I hated the most in the world, it would be silence. There wasn't despair in silence, there wasn't even hope… it was just empty, boring.

And man, do I hate being bored.

I stare up at the ceiling of my now-empty classroom, watching as the passing clouds cause the light from the setting sun to fade and shine at their will.

Today had been interesting enough. My first day at this over-blown school… I managed to meet some semi-amusing people, at least.

I wonder… how long will they keep me guessing? Swimmer chick and the fat guy are already predictable… how long will the others keep me busy?

I kick my feet up and lean back in my chair, not caring if my skirt showed anything. That doesn't matter at all.

…Maybe I should break something. I could find a way to pin it on that hothead biker… yeah. That sounds interesting enough. The teacher looked like she expected trouble from him anyway; it'd be a snap judgment! Insta-detention! The look on his face would be priceless, I bet!

…

…On second thought, no. That's too easy, isn't it?

No, I need something bigger; I need a challenge.

Honestly, I'd been toying with the idea of causing something big for a while. But what? Surely this school, aptly named Hope's Peak, would be a suitable stage for some despair, right?

Broken hearts, faces twisted with agony… it would be perfectly ironic.

What would be the best way to do it, though? I'd need to do some digging-

"Junko?"

I'm startled- yes, actually startled- by the sudden interruption. Who'd managed to sneak up on me…?

I glance over to see the one kid I'd been the least interested in: Makoto Naegi. Bland appearance, baby face… he's a total clutz that got here by dumb luck.

So… how didn't I notice him sooner?

"Oh, 'sup?" I ask, carefree persona easily sliding into place. "Need something?"

He looks away from me, cheeks tinted with a blush. "I-I came back to grab something! I ended up leaving my eHandbook in my desk…"

Ah. He's noticed my panties.

How predictable.

"Ah, cool cool." I say, inspecting my nails.

"What are you doing here though?" He asks, looking confused. "D-Don't take this the wrong way or anything, but I'd been watching you for a while before I came in…"

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Y-Yeah, see!" He looks nervous, turning away from me for a moment so that he can quickly swipe his eHandbook. "I didn't want to come in and interrupt or anything. But Junko, you've been sitting there for at least ten minutes just… blank."

I laugh; a laugh I've practiced and mastered over the years. "Creep-o! You were watching me for ten minutes? Just go buy one of my magazines or something!"

"Junko, is something bothering you?"

Huh. Well that wasn't the response I expected.

I stand up, needing my panties to stop factoring into his behavior. "Bothering me?" I blow a raspberry at him. "Come on, it's only the first day! How could I be bothered already?"

"Well, you see…" The boy looks directly at me as he speaks. Isn't he supposed to be intimidated by us "talented" people? "I was really nervous when I came here! I've been going to the same school for as long as I can remember, you know? I was just thinking that maybe the change got to you, or something…"

I bark out a genuine laugh, surprising myself once more. "Are you serious? C'mon man, I'm a model! Change is in my blood! Why would it bother me?"

He scratches his head, actually giving my question thought. "Too much change is a bad thing, though! If you're always changing things around, then doesn't life start to lose it's wonder?"

I frown. "It's… wonder?"

He nods. "Let me put it like this: do you have a favorite food?"

…What the hell is this guy on about? I shake my head no.

He claps his hands together. "Point proven! If you're always eating different things just because people put them in front of you, then you'll know how everything tastes! And if you know how everything tastes, then you won't be able to remember what foods you actually enjoyed eating!"

I stare at him.

"That makes… no sense." I state blandly.

"It does so!" He says, looking somewhat embarrassed at my observation. "Okay, how about this! Is there an outfit you remember trying on that you really, really liked?"

I wrack my brain for an answer. Oddly enough… nothing comes to mind.

How strange.

"...No. Nothing, actually."

"See?" His eyes light up, making their dull color almost seem beautiful. "That's my point! You change clothes so often that you don't even care what you wear anymore!"

"Things like clothes aren't important though." I say flatly- a little too flatly, thinking about it. "I-I mean, fashion trends are always changing! Nothing remains in style for long; you need to keep up with it if you want to stay relevant!"

Makoto still doesn't seem to accept this though, as sound as the logic is. "Everyone always has something they look especially good in, though! How are you going to find what you really look good in if you're always changing things up?"

For some reason, this strikes a nerve. I've always been changing things up, haven't I? It's never been a problem. No matter how I act, no matter what I do or say, it always becomes boring in the end.

That's why change is good.

Change destroys boredom.

It destroys everything.

"Don't you get bored, though?" I ask, feeling genuine curiosity for the first time in a long time. "Isn't doing the same thing over and over again what causes boredom?"

"I didn't say all change is bad. It's just…" He sighs. "I dunno, maybe I'm not the best person to be talking to about this. I-I'm not much of a deep thinker… as if you couldn't tell already. I guess I'll see you in class tomorrow, Junko."

He turns around to leave. Why is he leaving? Is he scared?

I reach out and grab his wrist. Even though he's shorter than me, it's thick and firm. Definitely a boy's wrist.

He looks at me in confusion; an emotion I'm currently mirroring.

…Why did I grab him, again? An impulse?

"Er… that is." I can barely process the words I'm saying before they leave my mouth. "I'd actually like to hear your thoughts on this! I'm… enjoying this conversation."

And I am. This boy, this frumpy, no-talent boy… is making me feel… something.

Confusion?

Joy?

It simply doesn't make any sense. I don't want him to leave yet. I don't want this conversation to end.

But why?

"O-Oh, okay…" I relax my grip on him, and he sits on the desk in front of me. "Well… here's my opinion on this. Doing the same things over and over may get boring after a while, sure. That just means you make small changes; if you at least know what you like, then you can always go back to it if something else doesn't suit you."

I stare at him. "What would I do if that didn't fix it? What if I was bored with what I liked, and bored with what I didn't like?"

"Being bored with things after a while is natural, Junko." He smiles. "We all get that way! Doing the same things over and over again is no good, but neither is having everything constantly changing! Finding that balance between the two is what life is all about, you know?"

I furrow my brow. "A balance?"

He gives me an enthusiastic nod. "Yeah! Everyone needs something to keep them centered and stable. If you can just fit the tiny changes in around that one thing, then you're bound to do well in life! Sure, there are gonna be points where things seem slow, but you can't be zooming through life doing everything at once. That's what leads to an even worse boredom!"

I take a moment to process his words.

Surely despair would be what keeps me balanced, right? No matter what I do, I always find myself going back to it eventually… it's what I count on, what I crave.

Except… despair isn't concrete. It isn't solid. It changes, it varies from person to person. If despair is always changing… then it can't be balanced.

It can't be what I always go back to.

…That doesn't sound right at all.

I glance out the window, seeing the sun has almost completely set by now. It's late.

Nodding to myself, I push up off the desk I was leaning against, offering Makoto a hand. "Say, I'm going to have to mull that over for a while… do you mind if I pick your brain again soon?"

"Of course not!" He beams up at me, causing my heart to do a strange little flip-flop. It's similar to despair, but… its different. Foreign. "I'd be happy to talk with you again! What are friends for, right?"

"Great!" I sling an arm around him, near-dragging him out of the classroom. "Say, how about we hit up the dining hall? I'm starved!"

As I walk with him down the eerily empty halls, I can't help but feel… excitement.

What's with this boy's attitude?

His strange ideas?

What is it about him that made my heart thump in such a way?

Without a doubt, it's excitement I'm feeling now. Something that's usually only reserved for when I cause despair. I want to- no, I need to figure him out.

Then maybe, just maybe, I'll understand what he means by "balance."

A/N: Yeah. So. With how unnecessarily (?) bitchy I'd been making Junko out to be in another story of mine, I decided to make this as a sort of deeper look into her actual character.

I gotta say, it turned out a lot better than expected. By a lot.

Enjoy!