I Do Not Own Bleach.

Chapter 5: Feel's So Good!

"I am going to kill him.

It's all his fault.

I knew, I shouldn't have had let that man near my son.

I don't care if he is a captain now, I will kill him!.", Kaien said, uncharacteristically angry pacing in the back lawn of the shiba estate with his wife standing near him.

"Don't you think your over-reacting Kaien?", Miyako said rationalizing.

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?

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Didn't you hear What YOUR MOON-PIE Just said?", Kaien said roaring in anger.

"Well can you blame him? We never exposed him to any details of it. Nor did we ever teach him or told him about any of it. We asked others not to as well. Then how is he supposed to like it?", Miyako shiba tried to reason to her husband.

"But honey, OUR SON! OUR SON, SAID BEING A SHINIGAMI is STUPID!

And he would Rather Be AN INVENTOR!", Kaien said, crying anime tears.

Both the parents sighed at that memory of their 34 year old son declaring it at the dinner table that night.

They gazed at the shed with the closed door that was built by their son 7 years ago as his '1st Laboratory'; as their son put it.

"You know Kaien, don't you think it's for the best? This way we won't ever have to say no to him in the future when he brings up becoming a shinigami.", Miyako reasoned depressingly.

"You do remember what Unohana-san said all those years ago right?", Miyako added to her husband.

***Flashback***

It was quiet a beautiful spring day, with sun shining brightly in the sky and the temperature just above 24 degrees Celsius. Making the day pleasantly cold but not overly so.

Yet both parents, Kaien and Miyako Shiba sat worried on the ground, hand in hand, across the Japanese style table, in the office of the 4th division Captain while she and her 12th seat examined their 10 year old baby boy in the next room.

A lot of thoughts were going through both the parents minds, none of them pleasant.

Both the parents were extremely protective of their child. They had almost lost him once before he was born, there was no way they were going to take that chance again.

If their son was sick, they would go to hell and back to make him better. But that determination didn't help with the fear that their son might actually turn out to be sick.

Both parents were brought out of their scary thought when the captain of the 4th , Unohana Retsu entered the office.

"Unohana taichou, where is Ichigo?", the worried mother asked the captain as soon as she entered her office.

"Don't worry Miyako –san, he is playing with my 12th Seat Isane while we talk." The kind captain smiled and answered.

This did nothing to alleviate the worry of both the parents.

'This could only mean something bad. Kami PLEASE! Ichigo has to be alright!', the both parents begged to a higher entity in their thoughts as the captain of the 4th sat down in her chair across the desk.

"There is nothing to worry about physically. Ichigo is perfectly healthy.", Unohana Retsu began giving her diagnosis.

"But unohana-san, if he is fine then why is he growing up so fast? He is just 10 years old and he is walking already. He shouldn't be able to do that until he is at least 20 right?

And also why were his first words,

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BOOBIES!

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And His second words,

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FUCK YOU!

'Fuck You' taichou! 'Fuck you!'

I mean not Fuck You specifically Taichou.

I mean it's not like you are not fu-….. Na-Not that I would ever. I mean I am marrie-….

I mean…

I me-mean his second words were Fuck You.", Kaien started rambling and then making it even worse once he realized he actually said Fuck You in front of one of the Oldest and Strongest Shinigami's to ever exist, to her face.

Unohana Retsu's smile changed into a scowl and she stopped looking at Kaien and directed her attention towards the quiet and afraid mother, ignoring the father.

"Well, even though your son is physically fine. I am extremely sorry to say, he has very little reiatsu. He will never have much. He will certainly never have enough to even enter an academy entrance exam, let alone become a shinigami.", Unohana Retsu stopped, to let both the parents process the news.

As expected, the news had devastating effects. Miyako would have broken into tears, if Kaien hadn't moved across his chair and hugged her.

"Is-Is this because of the accident?!", Miyako asked fearing it was her fault that her son would have to spend his life without inheriting the enormous reaitsu that most of the natural born members of the 5 great noble clans enjoy.

Sadly Unohana nodded, making her worst fear come true.

"I am sorry, but that can be a very likely cause. Any injuries during the pre-natal period could have devastating effects in later life.

And sadly Ichigo suffered a life threatening one. My diagnosis here is that, even though somehow he survived the injury, he lost his reiatsu in the process.

But I urge both of you to look at the bright side. Even though he will only have a little reiatsu all his life, he is perfectly healthy. And he is very luck to be so.

Some of the cases I have seen with these kinds of injuries before, if the children are lucky enough to survive, which is very rare in itself, the children are born with a lot of deformities and/or intellectual disabilities.", Unohana completed trying to give some solace to the grieving parents.

Kaien had to spend a couple of minutes consoling his wife that it wasn't her fault. But nothing could be done. Not there at least. Miyako had taken to heart that it was all her fault. Only time would heal that wound, if it ever could be healed.

But Kaien still had questions that needed to be answered before he could spend his whole effort on supporting his wife.

"Bu-But taichou, why is he growing up so fast, if he is healthy? I was still pretty much a babbling infant till I was 20 years old.", Kaien asked consoling his wife.

"Kaien-san that has to do with reiatsu as well. As you know the more reiatsu you have, the slower you age until you reach your power maturity and stop ageing.

But in case of souls like Ichigo, that have very less reiatsu, they age quickly. I recon he will live for about 300-350 years until he dies of old age." Unohana Retsu broke the bad news as quick and painlessly as she could.

The parents sitting in front of her were going to have to see their son age and die, in the same number of years it takes an average shinigami to enter young adulthood.

This was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Miyako broke down and ran out of the room crying for her child.

'It's my fault!

It's all my fault!

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I am the reason my baby boy is going to die.

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He isn't even going get to live a full life.

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Oo Kami, I am so sorry… It's all my fault!

I am so so sorry, my moon-pie!

I am a bad mother! I am a very very bad mother!

I don't deserve an angel like you! I am so sorry!' she kept thinking to herself as she leapt into the other room hugging her son and not letting go.

The father of the child saw the whole scene and was feeling just as distraught as the mother.

No father deserves to see their child die before them. But that was what was going to happen.

Not being able to hold his own tear's, even Kaien started crying.

And no matter how much he would rub his eyes the tears wouldn't stop.

No matter how much he tried, he could not stop crying at the image of his son passing on before his eyes.

He felt a hand on his shoulder as he was standing near the door frame, trying and failing to stop the tears.

"I know it's hard Kaien. And I can't imagine how painful it must be.

But look at it this way. You have 300 years more than you would have had if he had not been born.

You have 300 years to love him and be with him. Be a family. That is more than most people get. Don't let it pass grieving about the future.

You will have plenty of time to grieve once he is gone.

Right now, you need to make the use of the time you have with him. Both of you need to.

Love him and make most of the time you have with him. And make sure when the sun finally sets, all 3 of you have no regrets." Retsu Unohana said, feeling very sad herself at the fate of such a happy and innocent child.

"Thank-you Unohana-san.", kaien turned and bowed to the medical officer in chief, while still being unable to stop his own tears.

He moved into the room and hugged his wife who was already hugging their child to her chest.

He decided then and there, they both would make most of the time they had with their child and they would have no regrets.

****Flashback End****

Hearts of both parents drowned at the memory of that day.

But kaien shook himself and his wife out of it just as quickly.

He had vowed that day, that he was not going to waste another moment thinking about that and he was going to keep that vow.

"But hooooooooonnnnneeeeeeyyyyy! Our son thinks our job is STUPID!

What kind of self-respecting parent can let his child think that!", Kaien whined in a very anime like fashion breaking his wife out of the same chain of thoughts he had a while ago.

Miyako just smiled knowing what her husband was purposely doing.

"Kaien, why are you making a big deal out of this?

You should be happy your son is a genius!

I was over the cloud when Urahara-taichou told me that our son had Iditic memory!", Miyako said in a gleeful tone.

"It's Eidetic memory Miyako. And don't you think I was ecstatic when he said that! I am so happy that my son has found his calling. But does it have to be what that guy does?", Kaien's whining continued.

"Kaien! You should be great full to Urahara-taichou. He taught our son how to read and write. He taught our son the basics of what he does and helped him grow. He is our son's mentor! And you know how Ichigo gets when somebody say's something bad about him.

The last time he saw his assistant hit him, he set off that blue guu bomb of his in her office once she entered it.

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The time after that, he mixed bonnie chan's poop in her food.

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And the time after that, he sneaked into her room at night and left her hand dipping in a cup of water while she was sleeping.

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Kaien are we bad parents?

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Of course we aren't. We are the awesomest parents ever!

As I was saying,

He would defend him and yoruichi just as vigorously as he would defend any member of this family." Miyako finished in a prideful tone, after getting a little off-tracked.

Kaien on the other hand, could not stop grinning as he remembered how Ichigo with Urahara's help had kept his involvement in the matter hidden from the 12th Lieutenant by leaving a calling card,

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With a crudely drawn clown face and the words,

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"Be Respectful To TALL People" on it.

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Kaien shaken out of the humorous thoughts by his lovely wife as she continued.

"And besides, it's not like we need to worry about his future.

In the past 3 years, my Moon-Pie has changed the soul society as a whole with his inventions and has become a very rich man." Miyako reasoned with Kaien.

***Flashback***

Ichigo had attended a musical concert with his parents 3 and half years ago After the concert he had heard his mother say that she wished she could hear the concert every night. Her mother's wish was enough to drive him into an inspiration fueled invention drive.

He practically had sealed himself into his lab for 2 months before he emerged with various devices and a business plan.

He had assembled his parents, his uncle and his aunt in the living room began the demonstration of the 3 devices he had invented.

He put a small rectangular shaped disk with two circles in it into a bigger black rectangular box – which was the size of a shoe box. He then showed them a suspiciously penis like looking black object that was connected to the black rectangular shoe box with a think odd feeling black rope.

Ichigo handed the black penis like looking thing to his mother and asked her -

"Mom, can you sing me that song that you sing to me every night. Pleaseeee", Ichigo said with excitement in his voice wanting to show his mother how he had created something to full fill her wish.

Miyako could never say no to that cute face, even if she was feeling on the fence at singing at something that looked like 'that'. So she began for her moon-pie:

"Good Night To You (Miyako)
Good Night To Me (Ichigo)
Now Close Your Eyes And Go To Sleep (Miyako)
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Sweet Dreams Tonight! (Miyako)
Good Night, I Looove You! (Miyako)"

Miyako stopped after completing the first verse see his son face light up as bright as the sun.

Other occupants in the room were either inwardly or outwardly saying – "Aww", feeling the mother-son bond.

Ichigo after giving his mother a bright smile as she completed the first verse, pressed some buttons on the big black box. And then just before pressing another button he looked up at his mother and gave a bright smile once again.

"Good Night To You (Miyako)
Good Night To Me (Ichigo)
Now Close Your Eyes And Go To Sleep (Miyako)
Good Night, Sleep Tight, Sweet Dreams Tonight! (Miyako)
Good Night, I Looove You! (Miyako)"

After everybody came out of the shock they felt when miyako's voice came out of the back box, they were engulfed in the melody of the wondrous object. It almost sounded just as good as when Miyako had sang it in person.

Then everybody looked at Ichigo for an explanation as he began.

"Well, Mom you remember we went to that concert a few months back and afterwards you said, you wished you could hear that concert every night. Well mom, now you can." Ichigo said with a big prideful grin plaster all over his face.

His mom just came around the table and hugged him fiercely. The rest of the family joined in on the group hug not wanting to be left out.

As Ichigo pried himself out of the centre of the hug and settled down on the sofa, he continued.

"I call this a cassette, It is something I use to record sounds on, just like I did with mom's song.

This is what I called Mike, It takes in the sounds that have to be imprinted on the cassette.

This big black thing is something I call the boom box. It works as a conduit to record the songs from the mike onto the cassette. It is also used to play the song.", Ichigo said pointing at all the respective items.

"Wow, My Baby Boy Is Soooooooooooooooooooo Smmmaaaaaaarrrrrrtttttt!

My baby boy is Smartest there is!

Oo the other parents are going to be sooooooooo jealous!

Oo Ichigo, you are becoming a man so fast. Soon I will have to lock you up so that some girl would not come and steal you away from your PAPA!", Kaien said jumping around being his animated self.

Ichigo blushed beat red at the comment. Others just giggled at the boy's father's antics.

"So anyway.", Ichigo said moving forward.

"Dad, the implications of this are limitless. We can start a company that gives SINGERS and even normal pluses a chance to become as big stars as the stars of that concert.

Also we can create another company that can mass produce these things and sell it soul reapers, other nobles and pluses alike. And we can make the factories in rukon that will provide jobs to a lot of normal souls and help increase the living standards of those particular districts.

I have the whole plan ready.

I will just need help. In particular, I will need your help dad, along with ganju ji-san and kukaku- baa san.", All 3 eagerly nodded, instantly impressed and amazed at how well Ichigo had thought this out.

"Dad, if you can I will need you to be the investor.

Kukaku-baa san, you will have to manage the day-to-day running's of the companies.

Ganju-san, you will have to be the head of talent acquisition.

What do you say?" Ichigo asked, hope in his voice.

"Yes! Yes! A thousand Times Yes!

Aa Thank God son!

You don't have to worry about your ji-san and baa-san. I have said yes on their behalf.", Kaien interrupted cheerily.

"Hey!" both the sibling unanimously protested.

"Why r ya sain yes for us. Not that we were gonna say no.", Kukaku roared angrily at her brother.

"Ya, why you saying yes for us!", Ganju put his two cents in.

"Well, because from the lifestyle you two are leading, until today I only saw you both wasting away your future even a 100 years from now. With ganju, leading a pack of BOAR Riding thugs all day around rukon, doing absolutely nothing.

And you kukaku, just lazing around the house all day and only working couple nights a year making firework's displays during festivals.

Even Ichigo moved on from that, once he mastered it.", kaien said giving a stern fact check to both his siblings.

After which both his siblings, accepted the new jobs with the motive of making their big brother proud.

And thus the Shiba Corporation was born.

****Flashback End****

Kaien reminisced that, Because of Shiba corporation, music became a part and parcel of life in soul society. With a new song going on sale in the Shiba Music Hut every week.

Over the years, Ichigo was dove into various fields and created even more inventions like a photo studio where, nobles would come and pay 10 times more to have their picture taken, which looked a thousand times more lifelike than any portrait they could have gotten made.

Eventually that spanned into various other businesses like seireitei communication magazine, hot magazines (Thanks to creative oversight by Ganju and Shunsui), Seireitei Daily New's paper etc.

Still kaien reminisced the moment, he had felt the most proud of his son.

***Flashback****

Once when Ichigo had visited the 13th barracks, his captain was having a bad day because of his illness. When ichigo had seen Ukitake coughing blood, he was horrified. He could not accept that there was no cure to the disease that kind captain was suffering from. Even when the kind captain tried to explain it himself to the boy.

Kaien still remembered the vow his son had given to the kind captain,

"Ukitake-san, I promise to you that I will find a way to rid you of your illness.", Ichigo said, his voice dripping sheer determination.

Which was followed by "Otherwise I would just feel like a bully if I pull a prank and you are not fully 'there' to enjoy it.", Ichigo said with a evil grin on his face that Ukitake had come to be terrified off.

Kaien from behind Ichigo, almost choked on his own saliva at the open challenge/threat his son had given his CAPTAIN.

(SMACK)

"Ouch, Sorry dad. I was just kidding. (Maybe)", Ichigo said nursing the lump on his head.

"Anyways, Ukitake-san you don't need to worry about any more pranks from me till you get cured. I promise", Ichigo said with the same evil-honest grin on his face.

"Anyways, I got to go talk with Kisuke-ji san. Bye"

Ichigo then turned around and ran away towards the Shiba mansion where Urahara was going to be in an hour for their monthly Ichigo-Kisuke time. Where he would spend time with; take a look at Ichigo's new inventions; give him tips; then show him some of his own new inventions; and then finally discuss new pranks that would accidently befall hiyori.

"Kaien, Please don't take this the wrong way,

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But Your Son Scares The Crap Out Me!

****Flashback End****

It had almost been two years since then and true to his word, he, Urahara and Unohana had combined their efforts and resources and had not only been able to properly diagnose what the problem was but also almost completely cure it. With only 1 more week of treatment remaining.

"Hello!, Soul Society to Kaien! Can you hear me!", Miyako asked snapping her fingers in front of her husband's face bringing him out of the flashback's.

"Ya, I know. I know. But Still…

As the Head Of the Shiba Clan and the

Self Proclaimed Best Lieutenant Ever,

I Cannot Stand That The Son Of The – Self Proclaimed: Best Lieutenant Ever of The Gotei 13 shall call his Parents Job Stupid.

Starting Tomorrow, After the Captain's meeting I will Teach Him What is The Meaning Of Being A Shinigami!" Kaien declared in all his glory.

Miyako Deadpanned at the Stupidity of her husband.

"These are the times, I remember you are Ganju's brother!", Miyako mumbled to herself low enough that her husband couldn't hear.

"Honey are you sure about this? I don't want him to get his heart set on something and then having to tell him he can't do it.", Miyako rationalized in a stern voice.

"Miyako, sooner or later we have to do it. Even thought he can't become a shinigami, doesn't mean that he doesn't need to know the important stuff about the shinigami and gotei. Besides we need to teach him to fi-", Kaien was replying just as sternly but was cut off by a roaring "NO." by his wife!

"I understand how protective you are off him Miyako. But sooner or later he will need to learn to defend himself. Might as well be now. You know what kind of stunts your son pulls.

He has no concept of fear.

What if gets caught and there is no one around to defend him.

He needs to learn how to defend himself Miyako.

I Am Sorry, But I am PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN!" Kaien finished in all seriousness with a stern voice. Inwardly dancing at his victory once he heard his wife sigh.

His wife came close to him, put one arm around his neck and pulled him in to give him a peck on the cheek.

Next thing he knew,

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He was howling in pain

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At the sword struck in his foot.

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"That for putting your foot down.", Miyako whispered in a cold unohana like voice, in kaien's ear.

"If I see once scratch on my baby boy tomorrow evening, I will stab something else,

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Something SMALLER….

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Something more DELICATE…..

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And Make Sure It's Been CUT CLEAN OFF!", Miyako completed in the same unohana like whisper tone in kaien's ear, that sent shivers down his spine.

"Oo honey, Your bleeding, You Should Use That Healing Kido That Your Just So Awesome AT!" Miyako said in a cheerful tone, waking into the house clicking her heels, humming a song.

"Oo… And go talk to Ichigo before you leave for your drinking party with Ukitake-Taichou and Kyoraku-Taichou.", Miyako said in the same cheery tone, not looking back as she went inside the house.

With Kaien left in the Lawn Deadpanning and Bleeding!

After coming out of the shock of being stabbed and after processing lingering threat of more grievous harm made by his wife, Kaien healed himself.

Then Kaien move towards and knocked on the door of his sons lab. When no reply came, grinning like a mad man, he tried to break the door down to surprise his son.

Just after his second unsuccessful attempt at breaking the door down using his body, two huge firework dragons erupted from the roof of his son's lab and began chasing him.

Hearing all the commotion, Ichigo stepped out to see his father with his zanpakto in hand, fighting the dragon.

As hilarious as the scene was, Ichigo smiled and snapped his fingers making the dragons disappear.

"MY OWN SON! TRYING TO KILL ME!

MIIIYAAAKOOOO!

WHERE DID I GO WRONG!", Kaien whined at the top of his lungs, crying fake anime tears, with his hands in the air.

Shaking his head smiling, Ichigo moved towards his dramatic diva of a father.

"I was not trying to kill you dad. Those are security measure I installed last month when bonnie-chan broke down my door when she was bored and wanted to play with me.

They are only activated when somebody tries to force their way in.

Why were you trying to break down my door?", Ichigo asked looking over his father for injuries.

Kaien smiled at his son's caring nature and replied – "Aa son, I wanted to talk to you man to man! From tomorrow onwards I am going to teach you what it means to be a shinigami and also how to fight! How Does That Sound!"

"Ummm…. I 'ill PASS…Ba-Bye!", Ichigo said turning around and leaving to go inside his lab.

"Aa…. Come on Ichigo…. Do It For PAPA….PLEEAAAASSSEEEE!", Kaien said, trying to attempt a pout.

Ichigo's resolve melting under his father's pout said –"Alright, But I have a conditions. You let me work on my inventions and business. And you help me test out my new inventions. DEAL?"

Kaien nodded in agreement like a happy puppy.

Ichigo smiled. Asked his father to wait there and then ran back inside of his lab to get something.

Ichigo returned, with a black looking brick, the size of kaien's palm and handed it to kaien.

"Dad, this a new communication device I am testing. I need you to keep it on your person at all times. It's got a lot of cool stuff, Let me show you how it works." Ichigo said.

"Aa…. Ichigo, I am your father and self-proclaimed smartest man in seireitei after you. I can figure this thing out myself.", kaien said puffing out his chest.

"You're not even in the top 50 dad. But alright.

So when do we start with your stupid shinigami things.", Ichigo said deadpanning.

"One son, Shinigami are not stupid. Two after the Captains meeting tomorrow morning.", Kaien said after giving a slight smack on his sons head.

"Okay. Dad you're going to Ukitake-san and shunsui-san's secret drinking party right! Can I come!", Ichigo asked grinning.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa….. Ichigo, how do I say this…..

Ukitake-san is kind off…", Kaien was interrupted mid-sentence by Ichigo.

"I know… I know… I am not old enough to drink… And you all might want to let loose, since Ukitake-san is almost cured.

But -", Ichigo said.

"Now that Ukitake-san is almost better, do me a favor and tell him that the promise I made is almost fulfilled.", Ichigo completed with an evil grin.

Kaien remembered the promise and dreaded as the implications dawned on him.

Kaien, got down on his knees to Ichigo's level and held him tightly by the shoulders and said – "Ichigo promise me, that you won't do anything to Ukitake-san! PROMISE ME!", Kaien managed to say in a very stern voice while shitting himself from the inside.

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"I Promise." Ichigo said, too quickly & too casually, that did nothing to quell the feeling of scared shiftlessness inside him.

Ichigo turned around and quickly went back into the lab closing the door.

'I don't know what he is going to do, but I know that I am going to have to apologise A LOT.', Kaien slapped both his hands on his face keeping it covered.

'Well, that's tomorrows problem. Tonight is party night!', Kaien thought as he got up and then subsequently shunpoed to the party at Kyoraku-taichou's private residence.

Party went on till early next morning.

When the 3 members of the party reached the captains meeting, they looked extremely hung over. This didn't go unnoticed by many captains and lieutenants who were still waiting outside of the huge doors. As the doors slowly opened, the captains and lieutenants were lead inside by the ushers.

They all took their place, including Shunsui, Ukitake and Kaien who was standing behind captain Ukitake.

Once done the present members noticed that many others were absent.

However they didn't have much time to contemplate as the Captain Commander Of The Gotei 13 entered the hall, coming out from his private office.

He banged his cane on the ground indicating the start of the meeting. All the captains and lieutenants present stood in attention at the bang.

Pleased, Yamamoto began to address his subordinates.

"We begin the meeting by acknowledging the absence of Newly appointed captain, Kepachi Zaraki and his lieutenant. We also note the absence of Captain Isshin Shiba and his Lieutenant. All four of them have been dispatched on a mission by me, of which I will inform you later in the meeting.

Also there seems to be an unsanctioned absence of Lieutenant Aizen. Captain Hirako explain where your subordinate is.", Yamamoto ordered.

"Hai, Captain Commander. My lieutenant, Aizen Souske along with my 3rd seat Ichimaru Gin as well as 3rd seat of division 9, Tousen Kaname have been dispatched to the living word in search of the hollow grand fisher that has taken 6 shinigami lives until now.", Yamamoto satisfied with the explanation moved forward with meeting.

"Very Well. The reason I have called this joint meeting for captains and lieutenants is that you all need to be made aware of the sighting of a particular new breed of hollow. Captain Urahara, please brief your colleagues about the matter." Captain Commander Yamamoto of the Gotei 13 commanded.

"Hai. There has been 12 sightings of this mysterious hollow. This hollow has shown the power to cling onto a soul and slowly take control of the body.

We have also found out that even if we were to kill the host, the hollow would simply just jump to another body nearby.

According to my hypothesis, the best way to kill this hollow is between when it jumps bodies. During that time it should be at its weakest.", Urahara-taichou concluded and went back to his place in the line.

"The most recent sightings of this hollow have happened between West Rukon District 50 to West Rukon District 75. And it seems to be moving upwards. So I have dispatched Captain Kenpachi and his lieutenant who are familiar with the area; as well captain Isshin shiba and his lieutenant for support to deal with this hollow." Yamamoto concluded.

"Lieutenant Saskibe, what else is on the agenda for today's meeting.", Yamamoto enquired.

"Yes for tod-", Saskibe was interrupted by a sound.

(TRING TRING… TRING TRING…)

A sound so unique that none of the occupants had heard it before.

Suddenly everybody in the room looked at Kaien as the originator of the sound.

When Kaien realized the he was the source of the sound he panicked and looked all over and around himself to find it.

After finding a back brick on his person that was the originator of the sound he frantically pressed every button on it in various combinations to make it stop. While doing so, in an embarrassed and panicked tone he said – "Aa, extremely sorry taichou's and vice-taichou's. It's a new kind of communicator my son made. I don't know to quiet how to use it yet."

Suddenly he lucked out and the tone stopped.

"I apologise again for the disturbance. Please continue Saskibe-san.", Kaien said while trying to make himself as small as possible to hide from the annoyed glares of room's occupants.

But unknown sounds emerged again, but this time it was not a simple ring.

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"Hey, Hey Jushi-Jushiro, listen to this –

Old Man!

My friend is a FUCKING OLD MAN,

Bald Man!

My commander is FUSSING BALD MAN,

What can I do but sing? – YMCA!

What can I do but sing? – YMCA!

Oo, My friend is fucking old and my commander is fucking bald,

And What can I do but sing? – YMCA!

And What can I do but sing? – YMCA!

Come on Jushi, Kiyen-chin, bing it wid me."

Kaien promptly swolled the black brick after trying everything and failing to stop the sound from that device.

And it suddenly stopped.

But the damage was done!

Temperature of the room seemed to have increased a 1000 degrees, just enough to cook all the captains inside.

SHUNSUI! JUSHIRO! SEEMS MY STUDENTS HAVE ONLY GROWN IN AGE NOT IN INTELLECT! I want to see you after the captains meeting.

By this time, both the students of the ancient one were sweating bullets! Was is because of the temperature or was it in anticipation of what was to come after the meeting, even they didn't know.

Jushiro tried to take control of the situation.

"I am extremely sorry sensei. Shunsui and me had a little too much yesterday night. If you can find it in your heart to forgive me (fake cough) and shunsui here (fake cough), We promise you won't ever hear anything as juvenile as this from us ever again.", Captain Jushiro said head bowed to the commander.

Taking pity on his sick son like student, Commander even though of forgiving them after a stern lecture for their lack of respect and lapse of judgement. But

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Then the dreaded black brick rang again! And this time with something worse!

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"Sometimes (Jushiro)
Something beautiful happens
In this world (Shunsui)
You don't know how to
Express yourself so (Jushiro)
You just gotta sing (Jushiro & Ukitake)", both the captains slowly & dreadfully turned their heads towards the accursed brick off doom in Kaien's hand and jumped him… All dignity of them being captains and in the captains meeting lost…. Trying to destroy it before what came next!

"I just had SEX (Shunsui)
And it felt so good - Felt so good (Jushiro).
A woman let me put
My penis inside of her (Jushiro & Shunsui)"

The room came to a standstill with pin drop silence. Nobody knew how to react to the new development. But soon a mixture of emotions, like - Hells furry, scandalous and scared shitlessness started showing on the faces of the room occupants. However the brick kept singing.

"I just had sex (Jushiro & Shunsui)
And I'll never go back. (Jushiro)Never go back (Shunsui)
To the not-having-sex
Ways of the past (Shunsui)

Have you ever had sex?(Jushiro)
Do you think sensei has? (Shunsui)
(Laugh) I have it felt great (Jushiro)
It felt so good. It felt so good. (Jushiro & Shunsui chorus)
When I did it with my penis (Shunsui -Rap)
A girl let me do it (Jushiro -Rap)
It literally just happened (Shunsui -Rap)
Having sex can make a nice (Jushiro -Rap)
Man out of the meanest (Shunsui -Rap)
Do you think we should get sensei laid? (Shunsui)
I think we should. I think we should. (Jushiro)
He will feel so good once he puts that old penis inside of her. Inside Her (Jushiro & Shunsui)"

By this time shunsui and ukitake's clothes had started to catch fire from the inferno of spiritual pressure being directed at them. But they still paid it no mind as they both of them had their swords out trying to break the dam thing with repeated strikes but it wouldn't budge.

"That's it! Move shunsui! Hado No.3-" Ukitake prepared to blow the cause-of-their-soon-to-be-death to kingdom cum.

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On the other hand, Shunsui had Kaien by the collar on the ground - shaking him and asking –

"IS YOUR SON TRYING TO GET US KILLED!

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HAS YOUR SON TAKEN MONEY FROM MY EX-GIRLFIRNEDS TO GET ME KILLED!

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IS THIS HIS PLAN?

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DEATH BY RIYUJIN JAKKA?" Shunsui roared while suffocating and banging kaien's head on the floor, while the rest of the captains and lieutenants tried to pry the flowered kimono/ soon to be dead captain off of Kaien Shiba.

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"Oh hey, didn't see you there (Jushiro)
Guess what I just did?(Shunsui)
Had sex, undressed
Saw her boobies and the rest (Jushiro & Shunsui)
Was sure nice of her to let you (Jushiro)
Do that thing (Shunsui)
Nice of any girl ever (Jushiro)
Now sing (Shunshui)"

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By this time both Shunsui and Jushiro were on their knees, ready to give the captain commander blow jobs, if it got them out of this mess.

Which at any moment was going to escalate into their swift Death's.

But they settled for profusely and repeatedly bowing their Heads to their sensei's feet asking for forgiveness.

But the black brick of doom kept on singing! Even as kaien kept hitting the brick with his zanpakto hoping that it would top digging him a bigger grave than it already had.

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"She kept looking at her watch (Jushiro)
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)
But I cried the whole time (Jushiro)
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)
I think she might've been a quincy (Jushiro)
Doesn't matter, had sex (Shunsui)
She put a bag on my head (Jushiro)
Still counts (Shunsui)

Hey about captain commander, do you think Un-"

The sentence form the cursed brick was suddenly replaced by the voice of something else.

"Hello! Dad? You there? Can you hear me?", a child's voice came from the brick.

Before the new voice appeared and as it did, Jushiro's and Shunsui's expression went from utter dread and accepting the finality of their death by another captain altogether, to ecstatic euphoria to unrivalled anger!

"IIIIIIIIIICCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! YOU ARE GONNA GET PAPA KILLED!" Before Jushiro or Shunsui or anyone else in the room could say anything Kaien started crying real anime tears this time and whining into the Future Exibit A of his death.

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"Why Whats Up?", Ichigo said as casually as eating a cake!

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"WHATS UP? WHATS UP?" Shunsui and Ukitake roared together at the brick, just as they had in the song.

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"Yeah, What's Up?", Ichigo said digging dirt out of his other ear and checking it.

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Despite their roaring red angry faces and skyrocketing blood pressure at the evil spawn's causal tone,

They didn't quite know,

How to put, what had just transpired into words.

"CAPTAIN KYORAKU. CAPTAIN UKITAKE. DON'T NOT BLAME THE BOY FOR YOUR ACTS. IT WAS YOUR VOICE IN THAT THING, WASN'T IT?", Yamamoto said throwing full fury of his volcanic spirit pressure on the two captains.

"Ya-ye-Yes", both the captains said together, at the sprit pressure of their sensei threatened to turn them into sunny-side-up-eggs on the ground.

"THEN APOLOGISE TO THE BOY!", Yamamoto commanded.

"We are sorry Ichigo", Swallowing their pride and anger under the fear of death, they apologised to the Black Brick of Doom.

"Its okay. I forgive you.

But I still don't know what you are apologising for.", Ichigo said, inspecting the dirt he had dug from his ear and smelling it.

At this both the oldest captains almost lost it. But before they could scream into the brick, Kaien interrupted –

"Ichigo, what are you doing?!

Apologise Now!

You exposed the songs they were singing yesterday at the party in front of all the captains in a meeting.", Kaien roared in anger at and in fear for his son.

"What? No I didn't. I have no idea what you are talking about.", Ichigo's surprised voice came from the brick.

By this time all the occupants in the meeting room were confused. Even the people in the room who didn't know Ichigo personally, thought that all of this was orchestrated by the child as a prank.

But apparently the child was saying otherwise.

"What are you talking about Ichigo.

Why are you lying Ichi-chan." Jushiro & Shunsui said into the brick.

"Let me ask you this dad, yesterday after I gave you the communicator, did you press any buttons on it or play with it in any way.

And did you do the same today, when or after I first called?", Ichigo asked rubbing his temples at his own fathers stupidity.

"I did today, but I didn't do anything yesterday. I only showed it to Ukitake-taichou and Shunsui-taichou yesterday. They…." Kaien paused and then hesitated to complete the sentence as he recollected what had happened.

"….Might have had….umm…. pressed some buttons…."

"Well then congratulations…. Yesterday, either Ukitake-san, or Shunsui-ji san, or both of them accidently activated the record feature on it and today when I first called, you accidently managed to change the ring tone to that of the recordings last night.", Ichigo said in an exasperated voice.

"Then why didn't you teach your father how to use this brick properly young-kun.", Yamamoto said to brick.

"Is that you Genryūsai-san?", Ichigo asked non-chalantly.

But every fucking person in the room had a heart attack at such a casual use of Captain Commander's first name.

However the man himself smiled and scoffed it off under his beard.

"Well I Tried. But Dad said, and to quote: Aa…. Ichigo, I am your father and self-proclaimed smartest man in seireitei after you. I can figure this thing out myself.

Even a dumb ass can figure it out in an hour. Ganju-ji san did it in 30 minutes.

So I thought he would be fine.", Ichigo said extremely irritated at this point.

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"Ichigo…. My Baby Boy…. You Are Really Gonna Get PAPA KILLED", Kaien said in a low voice crying as his life flashed before his eyes.

"Oo Chill Dad…. Genryūsai- san is not going to hurt you. He is just like a coconut. Gruff, ruff and hard from the outside and sweet and tender from the inside. He wouldn't hurt you for such a small misunderstanding."

"Iiiichiiiigooo…pleaseeee stop talking", Kaien pleaded for his life to his son.

"Young-kun you are too smart for your own good. If decide to become a shinigami, I might just take you under my wing.", Yamamoto's statement had a shock and awe effect on everyone in the room.

In his whole 3500+ year old life, the number of student's Yamamoto had taken on personally could be counted on one hand. Yet he had extended this offer to a, by their standards, infant.

Even though Kaien and captains like Urahara, Yoruichi, Ukitake, Shunsui & Unohana knew the truth about Ichigo's condition and were well aware that it will never happen, they were still just as impressed as others in the room.

"Thanks… I will keep that in mind….", Ichigo replied casually.

Everybody in the room cringed at the casual reply/dismissal of Yamamoto's offer.

"Ichigo now tell me how do I shut this device. I will talk to you later.", Kaien said realizing that every occupant in the room was standing within his two feet so that they could hear the conversation properly. And it was getting kind of crowded.

"Wait…Wait Dad… Can you come pick me up…

I was Kind-Of-Sort-of Kidnapped…."

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(That's it.)

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(Chapter is Finished)

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(Go Home!)

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(Done! Mutu! Khatam! Yta! Fini!)

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(I am just fucking with you…. Keep on reading)

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"WHAT!?", Kaien, Kisuke and Yoruichi yelled so loudly that Ichigo almost blew his ear drum.

"I was Kind-Of-Sort-Of-Kidnapped!

Is my voice not clear or something?

Note to self - Check receptors.", Ichigo started talking to himself.

"Ichigo what happened? Where are you? I am coming to pick you up right now!", Yoruichi said in a panicked voice into the device before anybody could respond.

"Ichigo tell me where you are? Are the kidnappers still around? Where are you hiding? Make sure they don't catch you with your communicator!", The other mother hen called Urahara Kisuke said into the device, worried about his son like protégé.

Kaien was a wreck at that moment. His worst fears had come to life. His son was in danger and he was not around to protect him. He had failed as a father. The fear of losing his son had his voice all chocked up. But he still managed to get some sentences out.

"Ichigo tell me where you are. PAPA is coming right now.", Kaien managed to get out in a stern voice.

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"Oh, hey yoruichi-baa san, Kisuke-ji san, don't worry I am fine.

Kidnappers are not after me anymore and I think I am in West Rugokai District 78 – Inuzuri.", Ichigo said trying to calm down the mother hens.

"But But…. That's Impossible…. I saw you yesterday evening Ichigo… How did you get from 3rd Rukon to 78th District in such a short time. The only way that someone could get there so fast is through use of shunpo. And only soul re…..

Ichigo did a Soul Reaper Kidnap You?", Kaien said, his trust in his own organization failing.

Everybody else in the room also made the same conclusion. And they were disgusted by it.

"Kind of…", Ichigo said.

"Ichigo, tell me are you safe for the time being. Is there anyone after you right now?", Ukitake Jushiro asked trying to properly assess the situation.

"Yes, I am. No all the kidnappers knocked out and sleeping right now.", This further shocked everyone. Because there was more than one person involved. All the culprits had been somehow subdued.

"Can you tell us what happened, young-kun?", Yamamoto enquired, quite intrigued by the boy.

"Yes I can. But I need Kisuke-ji san help first.

Kisuke-ji san I am currently sitting on a soul reaper who I think is being possessed by a hollow.

Got any ideas?", Ichigo said nonchalantly.

Every captain and lieutenant in the room on the other hand were just about ready to piss their pants.

If they took Ichigo at his words, it meant that, he had made a foot stool out of a hollow that they had to dispatch two captains and two lieutenants to care off.

"Ichigo get away from that thing! It will try to possess the nearest soul if you have knocked out the current host.", Kisuke warned, still reeling from the unbelievable fact that Ichigo had knocked not only his kidnappers out but also a very dangerous hollow.

"Don't you think I know that ji san. Sometimes you forget that you are my teacher. He is triple wrapped from head to toe in seki-seki rock laced restraint bandages, That I CREATED. No soul reaper or hollow can get through it. This puppy is not going anywhere.", Ichigo said smacking the ass of the wrapped up soul reaper he was currently sitting on.

Kaien by this point had Kisuke by the collar shaking him and asking – "Is he right? Is my boy safe?"

"I don't know. It should technically work…. We use seki-seki rock to keep hollows outside of seireitei…. So it should keep them trapped inside of something as well.", Kisuke reasoned to the panic stricken father.

"Captain Commander Yamamoto. Ukitake-Taichou, I officially request your permission to leave the meeting to get my son." Kaien asked for the permission from his superiors.

"I ask for permission to accompany Lieutenant Kaien. He might need help containing the hollow when we get back.", Urahara joined in.

"I asked permission to accompany them as well.",Yoruichi Joined in.

"Kaien & Urahara-san you have been granted the permission, leave immediately and bring your son straight back here for debriefing.

Lieutenant Saskibe, send hell butterflies with messages to Captain Shiba and Captain Zaraki to meet up at the place with their lieutenants, where Kaien Shiba's son is.

Yoruichi-taichou your permission is denied. There are already 3 captains and 3 lieutenants on this. Your anxiety is understandable but your assistance is not unnecessay.

I am adjourning the meeting till we can get Lieutenant Kaien's son back and do a debrief.

But none of you are to leave the meeting hall till it is done.

Urahara-taichou & Lieutenant Shiba you are dismissed. Go and get Ichigo, the hollow and the prisoners who kidnapped Ichigo back as soon as possible.", Yamamoto commanded.

"Hai.", was the unanimous response from both.

"Hey wait. Dad do you know where exactly am I?", Ichigo asked a very sensible question as two would have rushed out a second later without knowing where exactly he was in the extremely big 78th district.

"Hehe… I guess we did forget to ask you that. Please do tell us Ichi-kun, where are you exactly.", Urahara Kisuke said rubbing the back of his hair in embracement.

"Well from what I can make out, it's the second tallest peak in the district.

Wait Let Me Ask This Nokia Chick if There Are Any Other Landmarks".

"Its RUKIA YOU ORANGE BASTARD!", another voice came from that black brick.

"Calm Down Midget….

Is She Always Like This?

Are You Constipated Or SomeThing

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Owww….

Owww…

Stop Hitting Me?

I am not into that kind of stuff"

Everybody in the room went red at ichigo's comment.

'This boy knows a lot more than he should for his age', was everybody's thought.

"First, I am not a Midget.

Second, That is no way to talk to a lady!

Third, I am taller than you Strawberry!

Fourth, Are you crazy or something, why in the hell are you talking to a brick?!", the voice of a very pissed off girl was heard from the phone.

"Crazy is my middle name short stuff…

Now tell me is there any other landmark around to help someone get here or is this enough?

Okay, that's it Dad. Come and get me. Also can you come with some food or money. I don't have any on me."

Kaien really wanted to make a joke on how his son had got found him his first daughter in law.

But the situation was just too serious to let him make that joke.

But if everything went well, Kaien thought he was going to have some very strong ammunition to annoy his son.

What else does a father live for?

"Ichigo, I am keeping this black brick with me. Stay in touch alright. PAPA IS COMING!"

Both Kaien and Urahara left in a whoosh of shunpo.

While others took a break till the meeting could resume.

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A/N: You see what you made me do! Because of all you evilly awesome people and your evilly awesome reviews,

I accidently put out a 8.5k chapter 2 weeks early. (Y-T3ch said with exasperated sigh).

So don't you go and keep giving me so many reviews. Otherwise I might just put out the next chapter even early.

I am just kidding. Keep reviewing. This chapter is the soul result of your awesome reviews.

Also I am opening the floor for you guys. I need your help. If you have any ideas or websites about pranks you think could go well in this story, please leave a comment or send me a pm. If I can I will put it in the story.

Also do let me know did the songs work for you.

And if you have questions that why are so many future things happening now in the story including songs and indestructible cell phones, I will give a long worded explanation in the next chapter.

For now this is it.

Till The Next Time!