Episode 2 Part 1—Chapter 5: Fight of the First-Boots

Chris stood on the beach at night, flashing his pearly whites for the camera.

"Last time, on Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty... we kicked off our latest edition by welcoming the 18 competitors who will be duking it out for the 1 mil this season," he announced, beginning to stroll down the beach. "Our latest eclectic batch of teenage freaks found themselves divided into three teams – Brains, Brawn, and Beauty." He paused. "I guess you probably could've gathered that from the title of the season. Moving along... each player was assigned to a team based on the area in which they most excel in their day-to-day life. Or, in some players' cases, the area in which they suck the least."

"The newly-formed teams began their journey with a trek to find their campsites, and tensions quickly arose. On Team Brawn, Tyler tried to take charge and make a name for himself. Unfortunately, the only name he made was as an incompetent jackass. On Team Brains, Heather and Courtney jostled for control… which nearly led their team straight off the side of a cliff. And on Team Beauty, Justin convinced his teammates not to build a shelter, hours before a monsoon struck the island." Chris snickered as he walked. "Nice job, everyone."

"These tensions came to a head in our first challenge of the season, where teammates competed against one another for individual immunity. Sugar, Jo, and Heather ultimately came away victorious, setting the stage for our first-ever triple tribal council! Er, I mean, campfire ceremony. With available targets few and far between, teammates scrambled to throw each under the bus every way they knew how. In the end, it was Cameron, Alejandro, and Eva who got the collective first boot. Each shared a heartfelt goodbye- Cameron with Harold, Alejandro with Heather, and Eva with her sanity." Chris shook his head. "That girl is absolutely bananas."

"However, I revealed the biggest twist yet- that for two of them, their goodbyes may just have been premature. Who will manage to return to the game and redeem themselves? And who will become the biggest loser of all? Find out here, on Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty!"

As Chris finished his monologue, he came to a stop on the beach next to Alejandro, Cameron, and Eva's unconscious body.

"So, what did you guys think?" he asked, out of breath. "How was my recap?"

Cameron scratched his head. "Uh… well, we couldn't hear most of it because you started out 100 yards away from us. So it would be kind of hard to accurately—"

"It was excellent, Chris," Alejandro interjected. "Your enthusiasm was infectious, your timing impeccable, your facial expressions mesmerizing. The viewers will love it."

"Thank you, Alejandro," Chris said, shooting a glare at Cameron. "Your kind words don't go unnoticed."

"Does that mean I get an advantage in the returnee challenge?" Alejandro asked hopefully. "For being so nice?"

"Nope. But I do think you and I should hang out more often. Let's grab lunch some time!"

Alejandro cursed to himself in Spanish as Chris turned back to the camera.

"Speaking of lunch, it's time to reveal the terrifying, humiliating, never-before-seen elimination device that will be feasting on camper after camper all season. In the past, we've pushed them out of a plane. We've shot them out of a cannon. We've even flushed them down a giant toilet."

Cameron and Alejandro both shuddered at this.

"But…" Chris continued, "…compared to this season's elimination device, all those elimination devices are a stroll in the park with grandma." He turned and shouted toward the water. "Bring 'em in!"

Suddenly, three massive black helicopters came flying in from over the horizon, soaring towards the beach. The aircraft came to a stop above the ocean behind Chris, hovering high in the night sky. Hanging from each helicopter was a long, swaying rope.

"I present to you… the 'Upside-Down Helicopter Ride of Shame'!" Chris proudly declared.

"The… what?"

"The 'Upside-Down Helicopter Ride of Shame'!" Chris snapped. "I know you heard me the first time, Cameron." He beckoned towards the ropes hanging from the helicopters. "When it's time for an eliminated camper to be sent home, they will have their ankles tied to the bottom of that rope. Then, hanging upside down by their feet, they will be carried away by the helicopter, humiliated and defeated for all to see."

"That is…" Alejandro looked up at one of the helicopters. "…really stupid."

Chris scowled. "What happened to the kind words, Al? You do know I can always bring back the Flush of Shame."

"NO!" Alejandro screamed, filled with pure terror. "Por favor, anything but that wretched toilet!" He turned his attention back to the helicopters and forced a smile. "Now that I think about it… the 'Upside-Down Helicopter Ride of Shame' is not a stupid idea at all. It's quite ingenious, really. I love it."

Chris snickered. "You won't love it so much when it's your turn to get eliminated. This is easily the most sadistic elimination device we've had yet."

Alejandro quickly nodded. "Yes, I agree. Nothing else compares." He laughed nervously. "This is certainly way more intense than being flushed down a giant toilet, feeling gallons upon gallons of water cascading upon you in an unstoppable current, crushing your body and filling your lungs as you hurtle through a hellish series of increasingly narrow pipes; unable to scream within the confines of the watery abyss and only able to pray silently for the sweet release of death." He stared off into space for a second, his face pale, before he snapped out of it and gave Chris a thumbs-up. "Yes, please don't change a thing with this one."

Cameron raised his hand. "But why are there three helicopters? Isn't only one of us going home?"

"That's because all three of you will get a taste of it as part of this challenge!"

Grinning, Chris pressed a button on his remote control, and three metallic handles suddenly rose out of the ground in front of him, spaced twenty yards apart. He beckoned to the three handles, which had enough room for two hands to grab onto them.

"For this returnee challenge, the goal is to hold on to your handle for as long as possible." Chris pointed up at the helicopters. "Each of you will have your ankles tied to a rope, from which you will hang upside down as your helicopter attempts to pull you away from the island. Your only way to fight the helicopter's pull is to hold on to your handle. You all will be on the very brink of elimination- both literally and figuratively. If you wish to stay on this island, you must hold on to this island for dear life. The first person who gets dragged away by their helicopter will become the first person eliminated from Total Drama: Brains vs Brawn vs Beauty, never to return again."

"But wait… wouldn't a helicopter pretty easily be able to drag all three of us away instantly?" Cameron pointed out. "It's a helicopter!"

"Yeah… we realized that pretty quickly," Chris said. "As a result, the helicopters will not be pulling with their full force." He smirked. "At least, not at first."

"What do you mean?" Cameron asked.

"Throughout the challenge, we will ask you challenging trivia questions. If any of you get them wrong, then your helicopter will start pulling just a little harder."

"What kinds of trivia questions?"

"You know, I love how you keep asking questions that I'm obviously about to explain," Chris said to Cameron.

"No problem!" Cameron beamed, completely oblivious to Chris's sarcasm.

Chris rolled his eyes and continued. "Anywaaaays… the trivia questions will be Total Drama related, of course. What other knowledge would be relevant on this show? Certainly not anything with real-world application. Anyways I hope you've been paying close attention throughout the seasons!"

Cameron nodded eagerly at this, while Alejandro started to sweat.

Confession Cam

Cameron: I'd say my Total Drama knowledge is pretty advanced. Mostly thanks to Sierra. She would tell me a ton of trivia back when she thought I was Cody during season 5. (He shudders.) Let's just say there was some very graphic trivia. I know things about the contestants that I'll never forget. No matter how hard I try. (He stares off into space, looking as if he is having flashbacks.)

(Static)

Alejandro: My Total Drama knowledge is entirely limited to two iterations: Total Drama World Tour and Total Drama All-Stars. The best two seasons of the show, for obvious reasons. (He shrugs.) Why would I watch any seasons if I'm not in them? Without Alejandro Burromuerto, there's no spice to this show. It's like a burrito without the… uh… well, without the spice.

End of Confessionals

Exile Island

The boat carrying the exiled campers finally arrived at shore, surrounded by murky waters. Chef stepped out of the captain's chair and opened up the back, which swung open with a rusty groan.

"Everybody OUT!" he shouted.

Noah stepped out first, nearing the end of his book after the long boat ride. Chef immediately snatched it out of his hand.

"This sh** ain't allowed on exile," he said, tossing it into the ocean.

"Dude, seriously?" Noah groaned as his book sunk under the water. "Why is that a rule?"

"Because Chris said y'all gotta be spendin' your entire time here lookin' for his head," Chef growled. "So then, at the campfire ceremony, you can give him his head."

"I thought that giving Chris head was your job." Noah quickly scampered away before Chef could swing at him.

Duncan followed after Noah, looking completely out of it. The punk was still blacked out from drinking, but now could barely string a coherent sentence together. Chef watched with disgust as he slowly passed, before quickly turning his attention to the final person exiting the boat.

"IT'S SUGAR'S TURN ON THE RUNWAY!" Sugar screeched, stepping onto the sand. "AIN'T NOBODY GON—" She was cut off as Chef clamped a hand over her mouth.

"Listen up, fatty," Chef whispered in Sugar's ear, eyeing Noah and Duncan as he spoke. He carefully slipped a tiny piece of paper into Sugar's hand. "Take this, and read it once you're on the island."

"Ooo, what's that?!" Sugar asked excitedly.

"Yes, Chef, what is that suspicious note you just handed Sugar?" Noah asked, facing the two of them. "We're all dying to find out."

"I didn't hand her nothing!" Chef snapped at the bookworm. "Mind your own damn business! This don't involve your nosey ass!" He started whispering in Sugar's ear again. "Noah's onto us, so I have to make this quick. This note has direct instructions to the location of the Chris Head. That's all I have time to say. Use it wisely."

"Proceeding to whisper in Sugar's ear while pointing several times to said suspicious note doesn't exactly clear your suspicion, Chef."

"SHUT UP!" Chef shouted at Noah as he climbed back into the captain's chair. He eyed the three exiled campers, and a mischievous look suddenly spread across his face. "This is where I leave you. Good luck tonight. And welcome home."

Duncan gave Chef a drunken thumbs-up as the boat sped away, before immediately collapsing on the sand, passed out.

Noah, meanwhile, turned his attention to the island's mainland. He couldn't see much in the darkness, other than what appeared to be a huge forest and a tall, looming cliff overlooking the entire island.

"Huh… so I guess this is Boney Island," he murmured. He glanced around, and realized that Sugar was nowhere to be seen.

Shrugging, Noah started to make his way up the beach, leaving Duncan on the sand behind him. Suddenly, he noticed lights approaching in the distance.

"What could that be…?" he muttered as he slowly approached.

Noah eventually came across a set of stairs leading up from the beach and began to climb them. Once he reached the top, he found himself standing on a barren field, the grass brown and patchy. The bookworm looked forward again, and the source of the lights finally came into view.

There, in front of him, were two cabins with their windows lit up.

Before Noah could react, he felt a smack against the back of his head, and everything went black.

Pahkitew Island

"Everyone comfortable?" Chris asked, smirking.

Alejandro and Cameron were both gripping their handles upside down and had a rope tied around their ankles, leading up to their respective helicopters 50 meters above. The aircraft were pulling on the two contestants with just enough force to keep them steady in place.

Alejandro removed one hand and gave Chris a thumbs-up. "Ready to go when you are, Chris."

"Hey, wait!" Cameron exclaimed, swaying back and forth as he held on. "What about Eva?"

The bubble boy tilted his head to his right, where Eva's harness had been set up. Despite hanging upside down, the bodybuilder was still unconscious, slumped over with neither hand gripping her handle.

"Oh, wow, I didn't even realize Eva was still out cold," Chris laughed. "Good call, Cameron! She definitely would've lost the challenge if we didn't wake her up. We'll get right on that." He clapped to signal over some interns.

Alejandro glared at Cameron. "You just had to point it out. We were about to win, you nincompoop!"

"But where's the honor in that?" Cameron asked, frowning. "Harold always tells m—"

"Harold? Why would you take advice from the nincompoopiest of all the nincompoops?!"

"Wow, Alejandro, that's not a nice thing to say at all. Besides, I still think both of us can beat Eva fair and square!"

Meanwhile, two interns walked over to Eva, each carrying a bucket of ice-cold water. Standing ten yards away for safety, they both splashed her with their bucket, drenching her from head to toe.

"AUGH!" Eva roared. Her eyes shot open, but her brain was still half asleep. "WHAT'S HAPPENING?! WATER?!" She gasped. "BRIDGETTE! THE SURFER BITCH IS TRYING TO DROWN ME!"

Screaming, Eva started flailing wildly upside down. With one kick of her muscular legs, the rope holding her in place snapped in half, sending her helicopter hurtling into the distance like a missile. It landed somewhere far on the other side of the island, exploding in a fiery heap.

Alejandro and Cameron both stared at the smoke billowing from the distant wreckage, before turning back to look at each other, their jaws agape. Chris walked over to Eva, who was slowly regaining full consciousness, sitting in the sand and groaning.

"Ugh… what happened…?" she moaned.

"I'll tell you what just happened!" Chris announced. "You just won your way back into the game, Eva!"

"WHAT?!" Alejandro and Cameron screamed in unison.

Chris turned to them, frowning. "I mean, duh. If there's no helicopter to pull Eva away, obviously she can't lose the challenge, can she?"

"But Chris… she just killed one of your interns!" Alejandro exclaimed. "And you're rewarding her for it?"

"Sure, she killed an intern," Chris said, shrugging. "But that intern was actually a serial killer on death row, awaiting execution in the coming days. Thus, there's no moral grey area to what Eva did. She's in the clear."

"Hold on… he was a serial killer?" Cameron repeated in shock. "Does that mean the people piloting our helicopters are serial killers too?"

Chris shrugged again. "Probably. Most of my interns are mass murderers of some kind or another. Being an intern on my show is essentially a death sentence, so sometimes the private prisons do me a solid and let me use some of their inmates in the challenges."

"Wait!" Alejandro cried out. "No! This is unacceptable! I don't want to get carried away on a helicopter piloted by a bloodthirsty criminal!"

"Exactly! And that's why you should want to win the challenge. Glad we're on the same page." Chris turned back to Eva, who was now fully awake and standing next to him with her arms crossed. "Congratulations once again, Eva. You may now head out and rejoin Team Brawn."

"I will not be doing that," Eva growled, her eyes trained on the forest. "From here on out, I only belong to one team. And that team is Team Eva." She pounded her fist into her hand. "It's time I started playing this game on my own, with nobody else to rely on. Because when you rely on people, they ALWAYS betray your trust."

"Okay, that's great and all, but you're still on Team Brawn."

"Team Eva."

"No, Eva, Team BRAWN! This isn't up for deb…" Chris trailed off as he realized Eva was already gone. Shaking his head, he turned his attention back to Alejandro and Cameron. "With Eva taking one spot, that means one of you will stay, and one of you will go. Let's find out who that will be!"

Alejandro sighed and looked over at Cameron apologetically. "Well, you sealed your own fate. We would've both been fine if you just kept your mouth shut. But now I will unfortunately have to crush you mercilessly."

Cameron nodded and smiled back at him. "I'm looking forward to a fun competition!"

Alejandro laughed. "Crushing you mercilessly will be fun for me, yes."

"Now, one last thing to explain," Chris said. "If you look to your handle, you'll notice there are two buttons. Each question I present to you will be an 'either-or' question, with two answer options. The button on the left will correspond to the first answer option, and the button on the right will correspond to the second answer option. That way, you can answer independently from one another without having to write it down. However, because there are only two options, the questions will be much harder."

Alejandro swallowed nervously at this.

"Now, let's begin!" Chris glanced down at a note card. "For this question, you must think all the way back to our very first season. Tell me: who placed higher in Total Drama Island? Owen… or Ezekiel?"

"Really?" Cameron giggled, shaking his head and pressing a button. "That's not hard at all."

"I know," Alejandro laughed as he pressed his own button. "There's an obvious answer here."

"Ok, the results are in!" Chris announced, looking down at a touch screen in his hand. "Cameron, you chose 'Owen'. Al, you chose… " Chris did a double-take at his screen. "…You chose 'Ezekiel'?"

Alejandro nodded confidently. "Yes, I did. Ezekiel certainly placed higher than Owen. I can only assume that everyone placed higher than that gelatinous jackass."

"Dude… Owen won Total Drama Island."

"…He did?" Alejandro eyes widened. "No… heh heh.. that's impossible. I refuse to believe it!" He started to hyperventilate. "How could Owen… have won a season? HOW?!"

"That's a question I don't think any of us can answer," Chris said. "But still, you got it wrong, Al. Which means this challenge just got a little bit more fun for you."

Chris signaled to Alejandro's helicopter pilot. The helicopter began to pull on Alejandro's rope with greater force, tugging on his ankles. Alejandro yelped and tightened his grip on his handle.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: Ok, maybe I should've watched the other seasons. (He pauses.) But then again, it turns out that I would've had to watch goddamn Owen of all people win if I did that. (He shakes his head.) That's not a price I will ever be willing to pay.

End of Confessionals

Exile Island

Noah slowly opened his eyes, disoriented and dizzy. His face was pressed against a musty wooden floor that smelled all too familiar. The bookworm tried to stand up, but quickly realized he was tied up, with a rope wrapping tightly around his torso. Instead, he slowly lifted his head to scan his surroundings. The know-it-all slammed his face back down again, groaning.

"I knew it."

Noah was lying on the floor of an old, decaying cabin. To either side of him was a series of moldy and ragged bunk beds, some of which had collapsed in on themselves. Cockroaches and rats scuttled across the floor every couple of seconds, sometimes fused together in a hideous mutation. The air had a disgustingly memorable smell, that of burnt mashmallows, moldew, and Owen's BO.

There was no mistaking it. They were back at Wawanakwa Island.

"You're finally awake!" Sugar exclaimed. Noah glanced up to see her towering over him, a maniacal look in her eyes.

"Wonderful accommodations you've arranged for us," Noah said, squirming against the ropes. "But if you don't mind me asking... why did you feel the need to tie us up?"

"Don't take it personal, pipsqueak," Sugar chuckled. "It's just strategy. I can't have either of you tryin' to find the big prize before me. Not when the biggest marshmallow is at stake."

"Let me rephrase. Why did you feel the need to tie us up like this?"

The camera panned out to show that Noah and Duncan were tied together. The unconscious criminal had his torso facing Noah's back, making it so that he was straddling Noah from behind.

Sugar put her hands on her hips. "What's wrong with how I tied y'all up?"

"I mean, did you have to make me little spoon?" Noah asked, trying to shift his butt away from Duncan's crotch, to no avail. He sighed. "Let's just hope he doesn't start dreaming about Gwen."

"Enough backtalk! I'm tryna read, and that requires all of Sugar's brain juice!" Sugar now had out Chef's note, and was examining it closely.

Noah raised an eyebrow. "Ah. So Chef did give you a clue to the location of the Chris Head. But why would he want you to find it?"

Confession Cam

Chef: Here's the deal. Chris told me to give that note to Duncan to help rig it for him. But after that makeup-wearing bastard made me look like a fool in my classroom? No way in hell was I gonna do that. I also didn't wanna give it to Noah, because he's sassy and rude as hell to me too. (He sighs.) So my only option was the fat girl.

End of Confessionals

"There, that confessional from Chef perfectly summed it up for ya," Sugar said.

"What? What confession—?"

"I don't got time to explain it to you, dummy! I gotta get to work! Time's a'wastin'!" With that, Sugar tucked the note in between her boobs, and raced out of the cabin.

Noah watched her leave, before glancing back at Duncan. A thought crossed his mind.

"Duncan's got to have a pocketknife on him, right?" Noah shifted his shoulders, trying to reach towards Duncan's pocket with one of his hands. He slowly felt along the outside of the bad boy's pants, until his eyes lit up.

"Aha! That's it! That's his…" Noah trailed off, and swallowed deeply. Then he slowly retracted his hand. "…That is most certainly not his pocketknife."

Confession Cam

Noah: And with that, I felt the ground tremble from the collective seismic convulsions of millions of 13-year-old fangirls.

End of Confessionals

Sugar was now running through camp, reading over the note again.

"My Dearest Duncan," the note read, "I hope this letter finds you well. As you know, you are the bad boy. But you're not the only bad boy on this island. I, Chris Mclean, am also a bad boy. And as a bad boy, I like to break the rules. I even like to break my own rules. So I'm giving you this note to help you find the Chris Head before either of those two pieces of cannon fodder does. How am I able to fit all of this unnecessary information onto a tiny slip of paper? I have no idea. I guess it's just another way that I'm a bad boy. Anyways, the Chris Head is located—"

Sugar's reading was cut off as she slammed into the side of a building.

"OW! WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING, BUSTER!" Rubbing her forehead, Sugar glared up at the building that she had run into: a now-decrepit Mess Hall. She raised an eyebrow at the sight.

"Hmm… I ain't been in this place yet." Sugar walked over to the rusty front door and slowly pushed it open.

Inside, the tables were overturned, the floor was covered in mud, and an overwhelming rotten stench filled the air. Trash was strewn about, with bugs covering nearly every inch of the walls.

But Sugar was focused on only one thing.

"I knew it! This place has FOOD!" she screeched, galloping towards the kitchen. She kicked open the door and stepped inside.

The rotten smell was ten times stronger in here. Moldy bags of potatoes lined the shelves, decaying meat filled the overturned freezer, and the pantry was stuffed with loaves of bread that were starting to turn purple.

"Jackpot," Sugar whispered to herself, her mouth watering.

Suddenly, she heard a rustling noise from within the pantry.

"Who goes there?!" Sugar called out into the darkness, her eyes scanning frantically around.

The rustling grew closer, until an animal suddenly stuck its head out from under the piles of food. To Sugar's surprise, it wasn't a monster – it was a horse. The brown steed looked up at her from within the pantry, batting its dark, innocent eyes.

"Aw… what are you doin' in there, lil' buddy?" Sugar chuckled, patting the horse on the head. "Didya get lost on your way back to the farm?"

Smiling, she backed up as the horse climbed out from under the supplies. That smile quickly vanished once Sugar could see the horse's body. In place of a horse's normal limbs were eight giant, hairy spider legs, stretching outward in all directions. The mutant horse slowly started to move towards her, its legs scuttling across the kitchen floor.

Sugar recoiled in disgust. "Okay, now what kinda messed-up farm did you come from? Word of advice: shave your legs, honey."

The spider horse responded by splitting open its head, revealing rows and rows of jagged teeth inside. It let out a hissing sound, before charging towards her.

"Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh? I was just givin' you some friendly advice!" Sugar started charging towards the horse as well. "BRING IT ON, THEN!"

A long series of thuds, screams, and splats could be heard coming from within the kitchen. After five minutes, the kitchen door finally slammed open. The horse spider scampered out of the Mess Hall, covered in bruises and whimpering.

"YEAH, YOU BETTER RUN!" Sugar called after it. "YOU JUST GOT SUGARED!" She eagerly turned her attention back to the food in the kitchen. "Now, where was I…?"

Confession Cam

Sugar: Sure, I could go look for the Chris Head. But that useless piece of wood would only gets me one lousy marshmallow! (She grins and holds up a bag of marshmallows she found in the pantry, which are green and crawling with cockroaches.) This is the much better trade-off.

End of Confessionals

Pahkitew Island

"Oof. Wrong again, Al," Chris called out, glancing at his note card. "You said that the final 4 of Total Drama Action was Option A: Trent, Sadie, Mr. Coconut, and DJ's mom. But it was actually Option B: Duncan, Beth, Courtney, and Owen."

"Owen made it to the final four TWICE?" Alejandro groaned.

The Spaniard was now barely clinging to his handle by his fingertips, as his helicopter tugged on his ankles with nearly full force. Meanwhile, Cameron's helicopter was still only gently pulling on him from above. Cameron looked fairly relaxed, although his arms were beginning to wobble.

"We've gone through ten questions so far," Chris recapped. "Cameron, you've gotten 9 out of 10 questions correct. Very impressive indeed. Alejandro, you've gotten 0 out of 10 questions correct. Arguably even more impressive, given that you have a 50 percent chance of getting a question right just by guessing randomly. Seriously, how are you this bad, dude?"

Alejandro gritted his teeth and readjusted his grip on his handle. "It's not my fault, Chris. It's because you haven't asked a single question about Total Drama World Tour or Total Drama All-Stars! Those seasons are my areas of expertise!"

"Sounds like you're making some excuses, Al. Besides, you competed in those seasons, so it would give you an unfair advantage over Cameron if I asked about them."

"But nearly half the questions have been about Revenge of the Island, the season Cameron won!"

"True… but I love Revenge of the Island. What a thrilling season from start to finish." Chris held up a hand before Alejandro could try to argue. "You know I'm right." He glanced down at the next note card. "Ooo, speaking of which… in my rave review of 'Total Drama: Revenge of the Island', did I describe it as A: a 'swashbuckling epic brimming with tantalizing love and wondrous intrigue', or B: a 'captivating, fantastical adventure woven together through the boundless wonders of adolescence'? "

"Wait… why would you be the one to write a review of your own show?" Cameron asked, looking confused.

"'The boundless wonders of adolescence'?" Alejandro repeated, looking disturbed.

"Just answer the question!" Chris snapped, looking hurt. "You have five seconds."

Alejandro and Cameron both thought for a moment before pressing their buttons. Chris raised an eyebrow as he examined the results.

"Ooo… we've got another split vote. Cameron chose option A, while Alejandro chose option B. Which player knows more about my writing style?" Chris paused to build up the drama. "The person with the correct answer is… neither of you!"

"What? That's impossible!" Cameron gasped. "One of us has to be right!"

"And yet, you're both wrong. Because the correct answer was both A and B," Chris revealed.

Alejandro looked up at Chris in desperation, his fingers slipping again. "We had an option to choose both?"

"I never said you couldn't," Chris said. "Don't limit your possibilities, Al. You're a bright young lad." He chuckled. "Who just happens to absolutely blow at Total Drama trivia." He looked up at the helicopters. "All right, increase the helicopter power!"

The blades on both helicopters picked up in speed, pulling harder on both contestants. With the increase in pressure, Cameron felt his fingers beginning to slip. His arms shaking, he desperately tried to readjust his grip.

Alejandro, meanwhile, was in a much more dire situation. The ladies' man had all of his muscles strained as he tried to cling to his handle, barely holding on by his fingernails.

"I have a feeling this is going to end very soon," Chris chuckled, putting away his note cards and watching as the two contestants struggled.

Right as he said this, Alejandro screamed and lost his grip on his handle. He flailed wildly as his helicopter started to pull him upward by his ankles.

"Wow, that did end soon." Chris turned to the camera, grinning. "And Alejandro is the first to let go! That means he h—"

"FOR HEATHER!"

"Huh?" The host turned back toward the competition. His jaw dropped at what he saw.

A now-shirtless Alejandro had his shirt wrapped around his handle, clinging to the clothing item with both hands for dear life. Gritting his teeth, he took the other end of the fabric and tied it tightly around his wrist, before letting go completely. Alejandro was now held in place again, with the shirt stretching between his wrist and the handle like a rope. The helicopter continued to pull at full power from above, but this only caused the shirt to stretch further. As it stretched and stretched, Alejandro rose higher and higher – but remained firmly tied to the handle.

"Wow! Just like that, Alejandro saves himself by… uh…" Chris scratched his head, trying to make sense of the scene in front of him. "…uh… doing… that!"

"W-wait!" Cameron stammered, desperately clawing at his own handle. "Both of Alejandro's hands are off the handle! Doesn't that mean he loses?"

"Not at all!" Alejandro laughed triumphantly from above, his shirt now stretching nearly five meters. "Chris said the first person to get carried away by their helicopter would lose. As long as my helicopter can't carry me away, I'm good to go! And thanks to the power of my shirt, it can't!" He stopped laughing and gazed coldly at Cameron, who stared up at him in shock. "I told you I would crush you."

At Alejandro's words, Cameron's grip suddenly broke, and he squealed as both of his hands were pulled off the handle. With no time to waste, Cameron grabbed onto his own shirt as he hurtled upwards.

"FOR MIKE AND ZOEY!" he shouted, trying to rip it off. His shirt didn't break, but both of his arms did, snapping in half.

"Oof! Cameron tries to copy Alejandro's weird strategy, but it backfires!" Chris announced, watching as Cameron's helicopter rose fifty meters higher, carrying a screaming Cameron with it. The host's eyes lit up. "..And now my grand vision begins."

With Cameron still hanging upside down from the rope by his ankles, flailing and crying, the helicopter continued to rise. It soared higher and higher until the nerd was hanging two hundred meters off the ground. It hovered in place for a moment, as Chris and Alejandro stared up at Cameron from down below. Then the helicopter turned direction and flew away, carrying Cameron off into the night sky. Chris wiped a happy tear from his eye as he listened to the eliminated contestant's distant screams and sobs.

"It's just how I imagined it… so beautiful…" he sighed. He turned back to Alejandro, who was now putting his shirt back on next to his landed helicopter. "Congratulations, Alejandro! You successfully have fought your way back into the game." He glanced at the Latino's shirt. "…Somehow. Seriously, what the hell did you just do?"

Alejandro walked over to the host. "I simply used my shirt as a form of counter-harness to withstand the pull of the helicopter."

Chris scratched his head. "Yeahhh… I think the more questions I try to ask about this, the more confused I'll get. Anyways, your second chance begins now, Alejandro. You may head back and rejoin Team Beauty."

"Actually, would it be at all possible if I joined Team Brains instead?" Alejandro asked hopefully. "So I can be with my dearest Heather? I miss her greatly and would love to see her."

"Okay, what is with people thinking they can just be on whatever team they want for whatever reason? I decide the teams, people!"

"But aren't we a team, Chris?" Alejandro asked, placing a hand on Chris's shoulder. He raised an eyebrow and squeezed the host's shoulder again. "Wow, you've been working out."

"It's not happening, Al."

Alejandro nodded reluctantly. "Understood."

Disappointed, the handsome contestant began his trek back to camp. As he reached the forest, he stopped and took a deep breath. Then he continued onward, a small smile creeping across his face.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: Now that I'm back in the game, I can only think about one thing: my woman. She is what motivated me to not give up in the challenge, even when all hope seemed lost. (He blushes.) I wonder how Heather will react when she finds out I'm not gone after all. I'm sure it will be the most wonderful surprise for her. After all, she's undoubtedly devastated right now.

End of Confessionals

Brains Tree House

Heather sat in her bottom bunk, smirking and humming to herself as she casually brushed her hair. Suddenly, Courtney stuck her head down from the top bunk. Heather quickly erased her smirk and ducked under her covers.

"How are you holding up?" Courtney asked, looking concerned.

Heather raised her head from beneath the covers, sniffling.

"It's tough…" she murmured. "I just miss him so much…"

Courtney nodded sympathetically. "I know, I know. It's hard to say goodbye to someone you really care about. You and Alejandro didn't deserve this. But you're so strong for handling this as best you can."

"Thank you, Courtney." Heather took a deep breath, gazing out the window. "It's going to be hard not having Alejandro here. But I know I have to carry on for the both of us. I just hope I can honor his last wish and make it deep into the game. Otherwise, his sacrifice was for nothing."

Harold walked over to the side of Heather and Courtney's bunk bed and solemnly bowed.

"Fear not, m'lady. Alejandro may be gone, but his legacy shall live on within all of us." He placed a hand on his heart. "Guided by Alejandro's spirit, I vow to help you continue your journey as far as you feel it must go. Whatever storm is on the horizon, we shall face it together. As warriors."

Scarlett silently watched the other three from her bed, her eyes narrowed.

"I really appreciate that, Harold." Heather sighed and drew her covers higher. "But it's so hard to trust people, you know? Alejandro thought his teammates were loyal too, and look where that got him. He's out of this game for good, never to return."

"But I mean what I say!" Harold cried out, dropping to his knees. "You have my deepest vow! A samurai never breaks his deepest vow! That's like samurai 101!"

"Hmm… then, as a samurai, do you swear on your life to never vote for me?" Heather asked, crossing her arms and looking expectantly at the nerd.

"Yes! I swear!" Harold quickly answered. "I will never write your name on a piece of parchment, nor select your name on an electronic tablet, nor stamp your passport, nor cross out a picture of your face with a big red X. No matter the voting device, the result will be the same: me not voting for you. We're in an alliance, after all!" He looked at Heather hopefully. "Can I get the same promise from you?"

"No."

Harold nodded. "Fair enough."

Confession Cam

Heather: I hate to say it, but thank f**k Alejandro is gone. It might sound harsh, but it just wasn't going to work out with the two of us here. (She starts combing her hair again.) Before, I was a huge threat that nobody could trust. But now that my boyfriend's out of the picture? I get to act as the poor, heartbroken girlfriend who barely has the will to go on without her man. As long as I keep playing that role, I can keep the target off my back. And if all goes according to plan? This damsel will get carried straight to the million dollars.

End of Confessionals

"I know it's hard without your man…" Harold sighed, patting Heather on the back. "You probably hardly have the will to go on."

"Exactly." Heather shivered and wrapped her blankets tighter around herself. "I just wish I could have Alejandro here tonight. He would wrap his strong, muscular arms around me and protect me while I fall asleep… I would give anything in the world for that."

"Maybe I can serve as a substitu—"

"Absolutely f**king not."

Harold threw up his arms. "Geez, fine! Miss out on my amazing cuddles then! Gosh!"

Courtney stuck her head down from the top bunk again. "Hey guys, I hate to break this up because I obviously love talking about Heather and Alejandro's relationship, but maybe we should talk some strategy? Now that we're in an alliance and whatnot."

Heather smirked up at her. "Very smooth transition."

"Hey, speaking of the alliance…" Harold paused and glanced back at Scarlett, who was continuing to watch them from across the room. He turned back to the other two. "…Do you guys think Scarlett heard me when I went on that monologue about never voting for Heather because we're in an alliance just now?"

Heather groaned. "I can't believe you just now realized that. Of course she heard it. You literally screamed it."

"Whatever," Courtney muttered, glaring over at Scarlett. "Who cares what she thinks? That bitch was SO ready to send my ass home tonight that she was practically salivating. But now the three of us have all the power, and she's off sulking and giving us the silent treatment." She sighed. "It's just a game. Why do people always have to take things so personally?"

"Ignoring the absolutely insane irony of you of all people saying that, I do agree," Heather said. "Glasses girl has been giving off this extra hostile vibe ever since the campfire ceremony. I get that her and Cameron were lovers or whatever, but she's got to let it go."

"Eh, let's cut her some slack. I understand what she's going through." Harold let out a long sigh. "Cameron and I were 'lovers' too, in a way. Lovers of adventure." He hung his head. "I'll miss him more than words can describe. I really wish it wasn't Cameron who went home tonight."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" Courtney asked, scowling at him. "Are you saying you wish I went home?"

"Yeah…" Harold murmured, in a daze. He suddenly snapped out of it. "Wait! No! Obviously I didn't want you to go home, either!"

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Of course not. If you did, you would've just rigged the votes for me like you normally do."

"That was a one-time thing!" Harold cried out. He took a deep breath, and clenched his fists. "That was before I knew what honor was. But ever since that dastardly deed, I have strived to be an honest warrior with the purest of hearts. That is why, when I make a samurai's deepest vow, you can all believe it." He extended a hand up to Courtney. "Like Heather, I too give you the samurai's deepest vow that I will never vote for you."

"Um… word of advice: you don't have to keep promising not to vote for people," Courtney said as she shook the geek's hand. "You're going to really box yourself in strategically if you keep doing that."

Scarlett's voice suddenly rang out from across the room.

"I wouldn't worry about that, Courtney. Harold's 'word' is entirely worthless. He has no 'honor', no matter the sociocultural ethics code from which we derive the word."

Everyone turned at the sound of the genius girl's voice.

"…Could you hear everything we were saying this entire time?" Heather asked.

"Yes," Scarlett answered calmly. "This room's acoustics highly amplify sound waves at frequencies across the spectrum. Also, you people are… very loud when you talk."

"Wait…" Courtney thought for a moment, before cringing. "…So that means you heard when I called you a bitch, huh?"

Scarlett raised an eyebrow. "No, I must have missed that one. Thank you for letting me know."

Courtney cursed to herself as Harold stormed over to Scarlett's side of the room.

"Wait one second!" he snapped at her. "You can't just ruthlessly attack my honor like that without explaining yourself! Explain yourself, cruel mistress!"

"I would much prefer if you explain yourself first," Scarlett said coldly, staring down at him from her top bunk.

"What do you mean? I have nothing to explain!"

"So you're thoroughly in denial at this point." Scarlett turned and addressed Courtney and Heather. "Right before we voted tonight, Harold made the same exact samurai vow to Cameron that he would never vote for him. And then, what do you know? He proceeded to vote for Cameron ten minutes later. So don't be surprised if he does the same to you."

Courtney and Heather both looked at Harold suspiciously.

"Is this true, Harold?" Heather asked.

Harold paused for a moment, avoiding eye contact. Then he sighed.

"…Most of what Scarlett says is true. I did make a vow to Cameron right before we voted."

"Why the hell would you do that?" Courtney asked in disbelief. "You had already promised that you would vote with us by that point!"

"You don't understand, Courtney!" Harold pleaded. "When I made the vow to Cameron, in that moment, I had decided to vote for you instead!" He immediately cringed. "Well, that came out wrong."

Heather and Courtney both face-palmed as Harold turned his attention back to Scarlett.

"But nonetheless, you told a lie in your story," he declared, pointing accusingly at her. "It wasn't the exact same vow."

Scarlett crossed her arms. "Yes, Harold, it was. You turned to Cameron, shook his hand, and said, 'I give you the samurai's deepest vow that I will never vote for you'. That is a word-for-word transcript."

"Wrong!" Harold laughed. "I did not give Cameron the samurai's deepest vow. I gave him the samurai's strongest vow."

"What's the difference?" Scarlett asked, scowling.

"I am never allowed to break the samurai's deepest vow – if I do, I may no longer call myself a samurai. But I am allowed to break the samurai's strongest vow."

"Then what's the point of having it?!"

"Well it's not like I always break the samurai's strongest vow! I actually follow throw on it 64 percent of the time!" Harold paused. "Well, I guess 63 percent of the time, now."

Scarlett gripped the edge of the bunk bed and leaned forward until she was hovering over him, a shadow casting over her face.

"You can attempt to hide behind semantics all you want. It's seems that's your typical coping mechanism – take whatever measures are necessary to help you entirely disassociate from your actions. But regardless of the narrative you attempt to construct, reality remains the same. You sit here with Cameron's blood on your hands. And because of you, we will never see him again. He is gone from this earth forever."

Harold glanced up at her, looking uncomfortable. "I mean, we'll still see him at the reunion—"

He was cut off as Scarlett let out a high-pitched cackle that echoed throughout the room. She quickly stopped when she noticed everyone staring at her.

"Sorry… I do not know where that came from."

"Ignoring… that…" Courtney said, glancing at Scarlett as she spoke. "…Here's what I don't get: why would Cameron be so chill with Harold after he got voted out, if Harold had lied to him 10 minutes before? I would've kicked his ass."

"That is simply because Cameron is far too forgiving," Scarlett answered, her voice cold and distant. "It is what makes him weak. I hoped to… eradicate that flaw from him. But now I will never have the chance." She turned to the others, her eyes piercing like icicles through her glasses. "But I am quite unlike Cameron. I have a tendency to never forgive. And never forget."

Heather, Courtney, and Harold all glanced around at one another nervously as she said this.

Confession Cam

Courtney: Okay, so Scarlett is definitely next go. Jesus Christ.

(Static)

Harold: Is it just me, or was Scarlett totally hitting on me just now? (He shrugs.) Sadly, I have no interest in her. She's a bit too… "vanilla" for my tastes. (He sighs dreamily.) Jasmine, on the other hand… not one bit of vanilla in her. She's 100 percent chocolate. (He winks at the camera.) And I'm Willy Wonka.

(Static)

Scarlett: I can tell my teammates are starting to… dislike me. And that does not spell well for my longevity in this game. (She thinks to herself.) I will simply have to act more quickly than I had originally planned.

End of Confessionals

Beauty Beach

The camera panned down toward Team Beauty's newly-built shelter: an elevated hut situated on top of a driftwood base, with a roof weaved out of palm fronds. Loud giggles could be heard coming from within.

"Hee hee… I look like a movie star!" Anne Maria squealed. The Jersey girl had on a thick coat of the red lipstick she had received at the Campfire Ceremony.

"Me too!" Topher squealed in agreement, sitting next to her with his own lipstick. He turned and confidently puckered his shiny red lips for the camera. "Or the host of an acclaimed reality TV show!"

"That's fun," came Justin's voice from behind them. "Because to everyone else, you two look like a pair of hideous, blood-sucking demon clowns." The model had spent the past hour sulking in a corner.

Anne Maria looked back at Justin in concern. "I really wish you'd cheer up, Justin baby. I know it sucks that Chris ran out of red lipstick. But I already offered to share some of my lipstick with you if you want!"

"And as I've already said, it's not ENOUGH!" Justin shouted. He shook his head. "No… it's not even close to enough. You see, my lips need at least a full tube of lipstick to achieve maximum lusciousness. Half a tube won't cut it, woman!"

"But do you really need 'maximum lusciousness' at this exact moment?" Topher asked skeptically.

Justin burst out laughing. "What are you suggesting? That I only achieve semi-maximum lusciousness? What a ridiculous notion."

"I just think using a full tube of lipstick all at once is a bit… excessive?"

"And what would you know about proper lipstick application, Topher? Are you a well-respected figure in the Beauty Guru community? Does your makeup channel have 376 subscribers and counting? No? Didn't think so."

Topher sighed. "Fine. You're obviously the makeup expert here, Justin. Nobody's denying that. But we won this lipstick fair and square, and you keep putting us down for it!"

"'Hold on. 'Won'?" Justin repeated in disbelief. "That is a very generous use of the word. You guys didn't do sh** to earn that red lipstick! All you did was not get voted for by this traitor." He glared over at Dawn, who was quietly sitting in another corner of the shelter.

Dawn lifted her head and smiled sadly.

"I can't even begin to describe how sorry I am, Justin," she said. "If I had known my voting for you would cause you this much psychological and emotional pain, I never would've done it. I hope you understand that when I voted for you, it had nothing to do with how I feel about you as a person."

"And I hope you know that when I vote for you the next chance I get, it has everything to do with how I feel about you as a person," Justin hissed back at her. He looked over at Topher and Anne Maria, who were back to giggling among themselves. "That being said, I'm very tempted to send one of you two home instead."

Anne Maria dropped her lipstick in shock. "What?!"

"You heard me," Justin growled. "The fact that neither of you handed over your lipstick is honestly grounds to get kicked out of the alliance. That sort of insubordination is completely unacceptable."

"But aren't we all equals in the alliance?" Anne Maria asked.

Justin laughed again. "Wow, you two just keep saying these wonderfully absurd things." He beckoned to himself. "How could we be equals when I look like this… He beckoned to Topher and Anne Maria. "…And you two look like that?"

"I didn't know our alliance had a hierarchy based on looks," Topher said, raising an eyebrow.

"How else would we structure our hierarchy?" Justin asked, rolling his eyes.

Dawn raised her hand. "If I may chime in here—"

"You may not."

"—It may not be best for your interpersonal relationships if you view yourself as above your friends, Justin," Dawn continued. "I can tell you have a lot of confidence and thus hold yourself to a very high standard, which is wonderful. But if you apply that same high standard to those you're close with, you will only find yourself disappointed and frustrated when they understandably fail to meet it. Instead, you should accept your friends as they are, worthy of love and respect despite their flaws."

"Ok, but there's one factor you're forgetting here, which is that they're not my friends," Justin said.

"We aren't?" Topher whispered, his lower lip trembling.

"I think I get what he's saying," Anne Maria giggled. She turned and batted her eyelids at Justin, puckering her lips. "He's saying we're more than friends."

"No, that is definitely not what I'm saying," Justin said, backing away from the Jersey girl. He turned to Dawn. "Anyways, given that they're not my friends, I can be as mean to them as I want. Checkmate."

Dawn frowned. "Um… I don't think it means that. And are they really not your friends, Justin? What about that time you and Topher happily discussed your favorite types of skinny jeans, sharing many hearty laughs throughout the conversation? That seems to meet the definition of friendship."

Topher perked up and nodded enthusiastically at this.

"First, I cannot believe how much you've been listening to us behind our backs," Justin said, shaking his head. "And second, Topher's skinny jean knowledge was elementary at best. In fact, that was the exact conversation where I decided he wasn't my friend."

Topher slumped back down again.

Dawn gazed deep into Justin's eyes. "Hmm… it seems to me that you may be trying to push away the people who care about you. It is okay to be vulnerable, Justin. Friends can be valuable emotional assets when you're going through difficult situations. With friends to talk to, you don't have to bottle up all of your feelings. You can share them with the world!"

"Says the girl whose 'best friend' is probably a tree stump," Justin snapped.

Dawn gasped excitedly. "You've met Ronald?! He's such a delight, isn't he?"

Justin groaned and put his head in his hands. "No, Dawn, I haven't met 'Ronald'."

"Hey, at least Alejandro's gone, right baby?" Anne Maria pointed out. "Now you're the only sinister hot guy on this island!"

"That is true." Justin nodded, lifting his head. "I can take some solace in that, at least. Now people will finally realize what a hack he is and how awesome I am in comparison."

"Oh, but Alejandro isn't gone," Dawn said. "He is actually just a few yards away from the shelter."

Justin turned to her, confused. "Um, what? No he isn't."

"How could he be here when we voted his ass out hours ago?!" Anne Maria laughed.

Dawn frowned, listening to the air. "I don't know why Alejandro is here. But I can sense his presence, and he's very close by. It seems he's approaching us at a rapid pace."

Everyone fell silent.

"…B-but that makes no sense!" Justin stammered. "H-he's supposed to be g-gone! We got rid of him! Unless…"

"He's coming back to murder us!" Topher cried out. "And that's why he's coming towards us at a 'rapid pace'!"

"MURDER? NO!" Anne Maria sobbed. "I'M TOO HOT TO DIE!"

"I don't know if that's true," Justin said. He started to sob as well. "BUT I CERTAINLY AM!"

"He's getting closer…" Dawn murmured.

The other three all screamed, and started panicking.

"Quick!" Justin ordered, grabbing Topher and Anne Maria and dragging them towards him. "Use your bodies as shields for me in case he tries to stab us!"

"No! We're not going to be your human shields, dude!" Topher protested, trying to break free of his grasp.

"Do you expect me to be the human shield?" Justin retorted, refusing to let go. "That obviously wouldn't work! I'm way too slender! You guys, on the other hand, are fat enough to completely protect me from harm."

"He's almost here…" Dawn murmured.

"Will you CAN IT?!" Anne Maria shouted at the moonchild. "We already know he's coming! What we need to do is find some weapons to defend ourselves!"

"By God, you're right!" Justin gasped. He pushed Topher and Anne Maria away from him. "Besides, you two are too squishy and soft to be functional shields anyway." He turned toward the wall of the hut and ripped a plank of wood out. "I can use this!"

Topher and Anne Maria quickly followed suit, ripping planks of their own out of the wall. Then they all fell silent, waiting in anticipation.

"…Alejandro is here," announced Dawn. "He's right outside."

The three other Beauties tensed up, gripping their planks of wood tighter. Suddenly, Alejandro stuck his head through doorframe.

"Hola, amig—" He was cut off as all three planks of wood slammed into his face in rapid succession, knocking him out cold.

Confession Cam

Alejandro: It seems I got voted out first because I didn't get to know my team well enough. For good reason, of course. They are… an unfortunate group. (He takes a deep breath.) I just have to deal with them the same way I dealt with Owen. Treat them with kid gloves, keep them distracted as often as possible, and try to make it so I'm the one talking most of the time instead of them.

End of Confessionals

Alejandro was now recovered from his teammates' attack and in the midst of recapping what had happened in the returnee challenge. Topher, Anne Maria, and Dawn all listened intently, while Justin lurked ominously in the shadows, his eyes shooting daggers at the Latino.

"…So then, right when all hope seemed lost, I took my shirt off and used it to tie myself in place," Alejandro explained.

"Ooo… that's so smart," Anne Maria gasped. She looked around at the group. "Speakin' of shirts, have I ever told you guys about my wardrobe of sparkly shirts that I wear to the club? I have this super sexy low-cut green one, and—"

"Continuing with my story- using my shirt as leverage, I was ultimately able to outlast Cameron," Alejandro said, cutting Anne Maria off before she could go on a tangent. "And thus, I was awarded re-entry into the competition."

"And how was Chris's challenge narration during all of this?" Topher asked eagerly. "Was it as hard-hitting and energetic as usual?"

"Hold the phone," Justin suddenly broke in, emerging from the shadows. "Let me just get this straight, here." He looked suspiciously at Alejandro. "You're claiming that the strength of your shirt was enough to withstand the pull of a helicopter engine? Do you really expect us to believe that?"

"I know it sounds fairly ludicrous, Justin," Alejandro admitted. "But I concocted my shirt from a powerful fabric that can be stretched great distances without breaking."

"Oh, really? And what is this all-powerful fabric?"

"It was genetically modified from the components of a material known as elastane."

Topher gasped. "That's the same material they use in skinny jeans!"

Alejandro nodded with approval. "Exactly, Topher. I must say, your knowledge of skinny jeans is quite advanced."

Topher beamed with pride while Justin simmered with anger, retreating back to the shadows.

"Well, we are so grateful to have you back, Alejandro," Dawn spoke up, smiling earnestly at him. "I could tell the group really missed your infectious charisma and engaging personality."

Justin emerged from the shadows again. "Oh, really? How could we have missed it if it was never even here?" He turned to Alejandro, his eyes narrowed. "You can act like you've always been a part of this team from day one, but you kept disappearing when we needed you most. Where were you going that was so much more important than your own teammates?"

Alejandro glanced down, biting his lower lip. He said nothing, instead turning and gazing wistfully out the window of the shelter.

Justin sneered at him. "Yeah, that's right. You should feel bad about it. No amount of 'genetically modified fabric' can bridge the bonds you've broken with us." He turned back to the rest of the group. "Now, back to talking about me—

"Wait!" Alejandro spoke up. "I wish to say something."

"You've been saying a lot of things already," Justin said. "It's my turn to say things now. As I saying, me—"

"But please, hear me out!" Alejandro interjected again. "I am truly sorry for failing to properly get to know you all before now. I do not exaggerate when I say it is perhaps the biggest regret of my life. I hope you all know that it had nothing to do with how I feel about this team, which can only be described as a truly captivating group of bright and talented individuals."

"Awww… thanks!" Anne Maria exclaimed. "That's exactly how I would describe myself too!"

Alejandro took a deep breath. "The true reason for my absence… was Heather." His voice grew solemn. "Our relationship was going through a rough patch."

"Whoa, you and Heather were fighting?" Topher gasped. "That's crazy! I feel like you guys have always gotten along so well!" He paused. "Well, except for that time that she kneed you in the crotch and pushed you down the side of a volcano on a giant ice cube, humiliating you on national TV and robbing you of the million dollar prize."

Alejandro's eyelid twitched. "People love to bring that up, don't they?" He twiddled his thumbs. "But yes, I was feeling deeply worried about our relationship the past few days. Things just felt… off between us. I tried to talk to Heather, but it felt as if the more I tried to reach out to her, the more I pushed her away. I feared that perhaps the one true love of my life… would become but a bittersweet memory."

"I hope that never happens to us," Anne Maria sniffled as she snuggled up against Justin, who was was simmering with anger.

"But no- I could not allow it," Alejandro said, his voice rising with passion. "When love is on the line, you have to fight, and fight until you have nothing left to give. That is what my Uncle Roberto always taught me. So I put my heart on the line. And I don't know what exactly it was that I said or did, but I finally broke through to her. You all saw at the campfire ceremony- right when I was leaving, Heather stood up and expressed her true feelings for me, in front of the entire camp. That was all I needed – confirmation that my feelings were valid." He glanced out at the moon. "Heather's probably still deeply depressed right now, thinking I'm out of the competition for good." He smiled. "But when she sees me on that beach tomorrow… I cannot wait for her reaction. It will be a moment to tell our kids about."

"You guys have kids already?!" Topher gasped.

"Uh… no. I was talking about future kids, Topher." Alejandro laughed and blushed. "Maybe it's premature of me to say this, but I believe Heather is the person I will spend the rest of my life with. I grow more certain of it every day."

"Awwwww….." Topher, Anne Maria, and Dawn all swooned.

Justin, meanwhile, angrily retreated to the shadows once more.

Confession Cam

Justin: I don't get why everyone thinks Alejandro is soooo much more charming than me. Come on, people! I'm just as friendly and personable as he is! And if my teammates can't see that, then I'm never talking to those ungrateful imbeciles again.

(Static)

Anne Maria: I can't wait until I'm married to Justin, and we have 100 kids and live in a giant mansion together with a pet unicorn! (She nods with satisfaction.) I feel like I've set solid, realistic goals for myself.

End of Confessionals

Brawns Cave

Jo was lifting a pair of fifty-pound dumbbells, humming to the song "Condor" from Total Drama World Tour as it blasted from her iPod. Tyler stood next to her, attempting and failing to lift one of the dumbbells off the ground.

"BOOYAH!" Jo cheered as she finished her final rep, tossing both of the dumbbells to the side. One of them slammed into Tyler's head, knocking him unconscious for the third time that night.

Jo jogged over to Brick and Jasmine, grinning from ear to ear. She started doing jumping jacks as they both watched her with bags under their eyes.

"You're energetic," Jasmine yawned. "Isn't it past midnight?"

"Yup, almost 1 AM," Jo chuckled as she continued to exercise in place. "But I just still feel so much adrenaline from that campfire ceremony! WOO! What a high, baby!"

Brick turned away at this, looking depressed.

"What was so exciting about it?" Jasmine asked. "I mean, aside from Eva threatening to kill us all."

Jo grinned. "Exactly. That psycho thought she was running the show, but I swept the rug out from under her. BAM! And then I totally OWNED her with my killer comebacks. You all just witnessed a straight knockout victory from start to finish." She started punching the air, laughing. "I can't wait to go back so I can crush another sucker's dreams!"

Jo continued to laugh, until she noticed Brick and Jasmine both giving her a weird look. She sheepishly rubbed the back of her neck.

"Obviously I'm not referring to either of you two."

"Yeah, let's hope not," Jasmine said, shaking her head.

Brick sighed and glanced away. "I would understand if you wanted to send me home, Jo. I'm just a bad teammate, after all."

"Huh?" Jo looked over at the cadet, and saw that his eyes were filled with tears. "Whoa. You alright, Commander Pinhead?"

"I'm f-fine…" Brick whispered, wiping snot from his nose. "I just… I… WHY DOES EVA HATE ME?"

Jo and Jasmine flinched at the military buff's sudden outburst.

"Uh… what do you mean?" Jasmine asked.

"Didn't you see?!" Brick cried, his voice shaking. "I tried to hug Eva goodbye, and she threw a javelin at me!"

"So?" Jo slapped Brick on the back. "Chin up, soldier. We all know she's f**king insane. Are you that surprised?"

"Don't you get it?! She chose to throw her javelin at me." Brick sat down on the floor of the cave and put his head in his hands. "Not you, not Jasmine, not Tyler… she threw it at me. I was the one whose head she wanted that javelin to impale."

"I really don't think she was thinking that deeply about it, mate," Jasmine said. "I think you were just the easiest target, because you were trying to give her a hug. Speaking of which, why the heck were you trying to hug her?"

"Because I love hugs!" Brick exclaimed. He smiled and hugged his knees to his chest. "They're so warm… and tight…"

"Why would you phrase it that way?" Jo asked.

Brick gazed out of the cave entrance, where it was now raining outside.

"I want to be the best teammate I can be," he sighed. "But obviously, I did something awful to Eva, and she felt her only recourse was to try murder me. If only I had a way to talk to her now… and make things right."

Jo sat down next to him. "Dude. You literally said it yourself. She tried to murder you. I don't think it's on you to 'make things right'."

"But if I don't make things right, then they'll always be WRONG!" Brick wailed, pounding his fist against the cave wall.

"Fine. You can keep lamenting over your tragic lost connection with Eva of all people." Jo stood up again. "But if I were in your shoes, I would personally prefer things be 'wrong' than have a javelin through my brain. But you do you."

"Are those the only two options?"

"With Eva? Yes, they are."

Jasmine nudged Brick with her foot. "If it cheers you up, she definitely didn't hate you the most. I'm the one she tried to send home, for whatever reason." She turned to Jo. "Did she really not explain why she was going after me?"

Jo shrugged. "Your guess is as good as mine. But also, why are we all still talking about this loser? She's gone, and she's never coming back. Let's just move on with the game already."

Jo walked back over to her dumbbells to continue her workout. Brick continued to stare out at the cave entrance, lost in thought.

Confession Cam

Jo: God, Brick can be such a pussy sometimes. Why does he even care about Eva so much? I don't think they interacted once the entire time she was here. You don't think he has some sort of weird crush on her, do you? (She shudders.) Nope, don't even want to visualize that.

(Static)

Brick: Eva's javelin may have missed my brain… but in doing so, it went right through my heart and shattered it into a million pieces. (He grits his teeth, tears welling up again.) Why did she throw the javelin? Is this a question that will haunt me for the rest of my life? Can I ever call myself a good teammate again? (He clasps his hands together.) Please, God, if you're listening… I just wish Eva would show up right now!

End of Confessionals

The rain had now turned into a downpour, with claps of thunder and flashes of lightning in the distance. Jo continued to work out, while Jasmine was falling asleep. Tyler, meanwhile, had just woken up again and walked over to the edge of the cave to take a leak.

Whistling, the jock unzipped his pants and began going about his business. Suddenly, a flash of lightning filled the sky, illuminating the silhouette of a figure standing just a few feet in front of him. Tyler let out a bloodcurdling scream and whipped around in the figure's direction, causing him to spray them with his piss stream. The figure jumped back, cursing.

"Whoops," Tyler said, rubbing the back of his neck. "My b—" He was cut off as a fist immediately slammed into his face. The sports enthusiast flew through the air and slammed into the wall of the cave, where he collapsed in a crumpled heap. The sound woke Jasmine up and caught Jo's attention as well. They both turned in the direction of the cave's entrance, where the figure continued to stand.

"Hey! Who goes there?" Jasmine called out, jumping to her feet.

The figure silently walked forward, revealing them self to be none other than Eva (shocker). The buff girl stared at the two of them, standing perfectly still.

"You have got to be kidding me," Jo groaned as she quickly grabbed one of her dumbbells. She held it up threateningly, pointing it in Eva's direction. "I don't know what you think you're doing here, but you need to leave, okay? You lost! It's over! Goodbye! F**k off!"

"SHUT UP!" Eva shouted back, as thunder clapped overhead. "YOU don't get to tell me when I've lost, JO! I WON my way back into the game!" She smirked as Jo's eyes widened. "That's right! SUCK ON THAT!"

"But how did you—"

"SAVE IT! I'm back, that's final, and there's nothing YOU can do about it!" Eva clenched her fists. "But as far as I'M concerned, I'm no longer a part of this good-for-nothing TEAM anyway! You ALL betrayed me! Every last one of you! You're no better than the KILLER ASS! From here on out, I'm TEAM EVA! AND TEAM EVA WILL TRIUMPH!"

"Wait, Eva!" Jasmine exclaimed. "We should talk about this!"

But Eva had already sprinted back into the darkness. Jo and Jasmine glanced at each other.

"…I cannot believe that just happened," Jo said, look rattled. She gazed out into the rain. "Okay, so do you think she actually is supposed to be here, or should we alert the authorities?"

"Unfortunately, I wouldn't be surprised if Eva really is back in the game," Jasmine sighed. "I didn't buy it anyway when Chris said three people were going home. He probably brought one or two of 'em back."

"Ugh… that does sound like something he'd do," Jo groaned. "And of course the Brains voted off Cameron of all people. How the hell would Cameron have been able to beat Eva in anything?"

Suddenly, Brick raced into the cave, soaking wet and beaming from ear to ear.

"Hey, guys! Great news!"

"You came out of the closet?" Jo guessed.

"Nope! My wish came true! EVA'S BACK!"

"Wait… you wished for this?" Jo seethed, storming towards him. "Why would you do that?"

Brick backed away from her, trembling, "B-because… I n-needed to make things right!"

Jo grabbed Brick by the collar and slammed him up against the cave wall. She leaned in close, so close that her face was inches from his.

"All you've done is put our team in incredible danger," she snarled through clenched teeth. "So much for 'good teammate'. Now we've all got to deal with the crazy, roided-out gym rat we just voted out. All because of your stupid wish."

Jasmine tapped Jo on the shoulder. "I… don't think Brick's 'wish' was what caused Eva to come back, to be fair."

Jo paused, and then relaxed her grip on Brick's collar.

"…Yeah, I know," she said. "But god, this sucks. I had a feeling it all was just too good to be true." She turned to Jasmine. "So what do we do now? How do we deal with her?"

"You leave that to me!" Brick exclaimed, jumping between them. "I'll go talk to Eva tomorrow and see if I can break through. I know if we can just start an open dialogue, we can begin the process of mending this relationship."

"And what exactly will you say?" Jo asked suspiciously.

"I'll tell her that we love her!"

"But we don't love her. We hate her."

"We don't hate her! We just don't know her well enough yet!"

"But you somehow think we know her well enough to say we love her?"

"Of course! I love all my teammates!"

Tyler suddenly joined the group, looking at Brick hopefully.

"Even me?" he asked.

"Of course, buddy," Brick answered, smiling at Tyler. "I love you."

"But you're wrong as usual, Brickhead," Jo said as she shoved Tyler out of the way. "Eva just told us she's not on our team anymore. She said she's on 'Team Eva', whatever the hell that means. So she's not technically your teammate."

"But she is! I'm 'Team Eva', too," Brick said with a twinkle in his eyes. "I'm 'Team Eva', in that I'm rooting for her to become the amazing friend I know she's capable of being. And it all begins with an open dialogue."

"Fine, Commander Camel Toe. And while you do that, I'll start an 'open dialogue' with the rest of the team to make sure Eva gets voted right back out the next chance we get. Sounds like a plan."

Before Brick could respond, Jo stormed away.

Confession Cam

Jo: You know, maybe I'm starting to come around to the idea of Eva being back. It's not every day that you get to humiliate someone twice in a row. (She glares directly at the camera.) And that's exactly what I plan to do.

(Static)

Eva: I know what you're thinking- "Eva, why are you completely burning this bridge? You could still work your way back in with this team if you just calm down! Your social game is sooooo awful!" And to that, I say- "Who are YOU to give ME advice, random hypothetical viewer I'm talking to in my head?" (She crosses her arms.) There's no bridge left to burn, because they already burned it when they voted me out. I thought Jasmine was the only Bridgette, but no – they're ALL Bridgette to me now. (She pauses.) God, I know there's a pun to be made involving "bridge" and "Bridgette". C'mon... think, Eva… you can do this… (She slams her head against the wall.) DAMMIT, I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT! WHY DOES THIS NIGHT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE AND WORSE?!

End of Confessionals

Wawanakwa Island (Mess Hall)

It was now morning, with one-eyed mutant birds chirping outside. The camera panned into the kitchen to show Sugar fast asleep and snoring, her face stuck to the inside of a cooking pan. Scattered around her were bags and bags of empty food that she had devoured the night before.

(Old Screaming Gophers Cabin)

Noah woke up to see faint light streaming in through the cabin windows. He tried to stand up, but realized he was still tied to Duncan. Groaning, the smart aleck slammed his head against the floor in frustration.

Duncan finally began to stir behind him a few minutes later. The convict's eyes slowly opened, scanning around the room in groggy confusion.

"Wha…?" Duncan then noticed that Noah was tied to his torso. He sighed, putting a hand to his head. "Okay, I have got to stop drinking."

"Yeah, I would've really appreciated your help last night," Noah grumbled.

Duncan's head started to clear up, and a realization dawned on him. His eyes widened as he scanned his surroundings more closely.

"Wait… are we back at Camp Wawanakwa? How did we get here?"

"It's the new exile, I guess." Noah shrugged. "Chris must've found a way to 'unsink' it."

"Wow, that's crazy." Duncan chuckled to himself. "Man, I have so many memories here. I never thought I'd see this place again."

"Well, it looks like it's your lucky day, Duncan."

"But when did we even get here? I don't remember any of—"

"How about we continue this riveting conversation after you're no longer grinding on me?"

"Oh. Yeah. Sorry, man."

Duncan reached into his pocket to grab his knife, and sliced open the ropes holding them together with one swing. The two then awkwardly stood up, brushing themselves off. Noah was in the midst of stretching when he suddenly felt a squelch underneath his feet, and looked down to see that he was standing on a pair of Owen's old underwear.

"Charming," he sighed.

Meanwhile, Duncan walked over to one of the old bunk beds and patted it, chuckling. "Wawanakwa, man. What a crazy time. I f**king hated this place back when I was here, but now I've got a lot of nostalgia for it, y'know?" He nudged Noah, who was trying to wipe his shoes off now. "Just think of all the days we spent here, dude."

"Yeah, my grand total of five days on this island were so pivotal in my life," Noah said.

Duncan cringed. "Sorry. Forgot you were an early boot. But you've gotta at least have some memories, right?" He tapped his chin, thinking. "What about that time early on when Bridgette blew chunks all over everyone at the talent show? That was goddamn hilarious. And Geoff somehow still wanted to hit it after that."

"Nope, wasn't there for that."

"Wait, for real?" Duncan raised an eyebrow. "Wow, so when you said you got voted off early, you meant early early. Sh**, you were barely here!"

"Thanks."

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"I wonder who that is," Noah grumbled, walking over to answer it. He threw open the door, scowling. "You better at least have found the Chris Head for putting me thr…" He trailed off as he realized it was not Sugar at the door.

Standing outside was the spider horse from before, its eight legs spreading across the cabin porch. Noah was silent for a moment, before letting out a shrill, girly scream. He fled to the corner of the room as the mutant animal scuttled inside.

Duncan was busy carving a penis onto one of the bunk beds when he noticed the spider horse coming towards him. He out a similar girly scream, diving to the same corner as Noah. The two watched and trembled in fear as the monster climbed up the wall until it was on the ceiling. It started inching closer to them from above.

Noah glanced over at Duncan hopefully. "I mean… it's half-horse, right? So maybe it's… half-nice?"

Duncan glared at Noah. "What are you saying about spiders? I will not stand for this spider slander. Spiders are our friends!"

"Then why are you so scared of this thing?"

"Because of the horse part, duh! Horses are monsters, man!"

The horse spider came closer and closer, drool hanging from its mouth. Its head split open, revealing its rows of blood-stained teeth. Noah and Duncan screamed again in unison, clinging to each other and bracing for impact.

Suddenly, the door burst open, and Sugar stumbled inside, her face green with nausea. The blonde girl didn't even notice the others in the cabin, as she moaned with pain and clutched her stomach.

"Ugh… I ate something last night I did not agree with… *urp*… or many things…"

The spider horse turned around at the sound of her voice and squealed in fear at the sight of Sugar. Whimpering, it fled from the cabin before the pageant queen noticed it.

At the spider horse's departure, Duncan and Noah heaved sighs of relief and high-fived. However, their celebration was short-lived, as Sugar suddenly puked all over them, covering them from head-to-toe in vomit.

Noah slowly wiped the puke out of his hair and turned to Duncan. "...Still feeling nostalgic about this place?"

Confession Cam

Duncan (covered in vomit): So it turns out that people getting puked on is a lot less funny when you're the person getting puked on. Who would've thought?

(Static)

Noah (looking down at his vomit-stained clothes): I really don't get what life has against me at this point.

End of Confessionals

Pahkitew Island – Beauty Beach

The members of Team Beauty were awakened from their beauty sleep by Alejandro's jovial voice.

"Buenos días, everyone," he greeted them, sticking his head through the door. "Who wants breakfast?"

Anne Maria, Topher, and Dawn cheered in response, while Justin covered his head with his pillow at the sound of Alejandro's voice. Beaming, the ladies' man pulled out a set of wooden plates. On top of each dish sat a piece of white fish covered in herbs and spices, surrounded by a side of risotto that had been arranged in the shape of a perfect figure-8.

"Skillet cod with lemons and capers for the entrée," Alejandro said as he passed out plates. "And on the side, my first attempt at a crab and spinach risotto. Enjoy!" Noticing Dawn's disappointed expression, he winked at her. "Don't worry, Dawn. I made a vegan option as well. For you, I have… a pile of old leaves!"

Dawn squealed with joy. "No way! A pile of old leaves is my favorite vegan delicacy! Thank you so much, Alejandro!"

Everyone immediately began to dig in, except for Justin, who dumped his food out the window and went back to covering his head with his pillow.

"Oh my gawd…" Anne Maria moaned as she took bite after bite. "I didn't understand a single word he said about what the hell this is, but it's f**king delicious."

Topher moaned in agreement. "Totally. In fact, those would be my exact remarks if I were the host of a cooking show and Al presented this dish to me." He turned to Alejandro. "F**king delicious, Al. You've made it to the next round of the competition."

"When did you have the time to do all this?" Dawn asked in between bites of leaves.

"It was not hard at all," Alejandro said nonchalantly. "I just got up at 3 am, foraged for the necessary grains and spices, fished for a couple of hours, built a fire, and put it all together. I actually had plenty of spare time after that, so I decided to figure out a way for us to have access to a more steady food supply. Would you all follow me?"

Alejandro led his bewildered teammates out of the shelter and beckoned to the ground in front of them. Sitting outside the shelter was a small garden, with plants already begin to sprout out of the soil.

"Now we can farm for most of our food instead of hunting it," Alejandro said, walking over and stroking the leaves of one of the plants. "The Beauty team has officially advanced to the agricultural age!"

"But how did you—"

"Build a garden? It's simple, really. I dug a large hole in the ground and filled it with a rich, sandy loam conducive to growing food. Then I just had to find the necessary seeds in the forest, and the rest came together just like that! I expect a strong harvest in the coming days."

Everyone was silent for a while, processing what they were looking at.

"You is… smart," Anne Maria finally said.

Justin peered over the window to look at the garden, before quickly ducking back down.

Confession Cam

Justin: Okay… is it just me, or has Alejandro not been pulling his weight at camp at all?

End of Confessionals

Later in the morning, Justin gathered Topher and Anne Maria away from the rest of the team for an alliance meeting. The two were busy finishing their food, while Justin watched them with contempt.

"Man, I didn't realize how awesome Al was until now," Topher said, taking another bite. "That guy is so cool. I can't believe we almost got rid of him!"

"Votin' him out woulda been a dumbass move on our part," Anne Maria said.

Justin nodded. "That actually brings me to the reason I called this meeting: we need to vote out Alejandro again."

Topher and Anne Maria both gasped at this.

"Wait, you still want to send him home?" Topher asked in surprise.

"Yes, Topher, I do," Justin answered, crossing his arms. "Maybe I just have higher standards than you two, but I don't see what all the Alejandro hype is about. He hasn't done anything to impress me."

"I mean, he did just cook us breakfast. And he also planted a garden for us. And now he's building a second story to our shelter." Topher pointed over at the hut, where Alejandro was on top of the roof and hammering away.

"And why should any of those things impress me?" Justin shot back. "We're on Team Beauty. None of those things have anything to do with beauty. If anything, that garden is a real eyesore. Therefore, not impressed." He looked down at Topher's plate, which was nearly empty. "Okay, do you really think you should be eating all of that?"

"But… we haven't eaten in, like, 48 hours."

"So? I'm trying to have our alliance set the record for skinniest alliance ever, and you two aren't doing me any favors."

Topher shrugged. "No worries. If I feel like I went overboard, I can always just send it back up."

"Eww, you're bulimic? That's, like, the least cool of all the eating disorders." Justin looked more closely at Topher, squinting his eyes. "Although it does explain why your teeth are so discolored."

"Nah, I'm not bulimic," Topher laughed. "It's just a professional skill I've developed."

"Professional??

"Of course! It's TV show host 101: you've got to know how to pull trig at a moment's notice. You never know when the cameras might show up."

"Okay, that's enough talking about Topher." Justin turned his attention back to the matter at hand. "What I need is for both of you to agree to Alejandro as the target. Now."

"But why not target Dawn instead?" Anne Maria offered. "She's the one that voted for you, didn't she?"

"So? I'd bet Alejandro was the one who told her to do it," Justin countered.

"But Alejandro voted for Dawn," Topher said, scratching his head. "How could they have been working together?"

"It's called advanced strategy, Topher," Justin explained, rolling his eyes. "You wouldn't get it."

"Fine, so maybe not Dawn. What about Sugar?" Anne Maria asked. "We all agreed to send her fat ass home before she won immunity yesterday. We might as well finish the job."

"No! I don't want Dawn, and I don't want Sugar! I want ALEJANDRO!" Justin whined. "God, why are you two being so inflexible about this?"

"I mean, you're the one who keeps refusing to entertain any other option other than Alejandro," Topher said.

Justin slowly narrowed his eyes at the brown-haired teen, before speaking. "I have one question, Topher. How do you expect to become a TV host when you can't even enunciate?"

"Huh? But my enunciation's perf—"

"NOT WITH ALEJANDRO'S BALLS IN YOUR MOUTH!"

Justin then sprinted away from the group, sobbing.

Confession Cam

Justin (tears in his eyes): I don't get why everyone is just cool with doing exactly what Alejandro says, without even questioning it! They're supposed to be doing exactly what I say, without even questioning it! This is supposed to be my group of slavish minions, not Alejandro's! (He chokes on a sob.) Life is so unfair.

(Static)

Topher: Ha! Little does Justin know that I actually can enunciate with balls in my mouth. Another important professional skill to have if you want to make it in the industry.

End of Confessionals

Forest

The camera panned down from the late morning sun to show Brick and Tyler marching along a wide forest path.

"Where are we going again?" Tyler asked, scratching his head. His eyes grew wide with excitement. "Ooo! Are we going to go throw rocks at each other again?"

"Negative! The mission is to find Eva!" Brick answered without turning around. His eyes searched among the trees. "She must have set up camp somewhere around here..."

"And what's that you've got with you?" Tyler asked, glancing down at what Brick was carrying. "What a strange contraption."

"Oh, this?" Brick held up a wooden basket, which had a mix of berries, apples, and bananas inside. "It's a fruit basket! We're bringing it to Eva as a peace offering and a welcome home gift."

"Sweet," Tyler said, grabbing three bananas out of the basket.

"Whoa! Tyler, those are for Eva! Didn't you hear me?"

"Don't worry, man. I just want the peels."

Brick watched in confusion as Tyler unpeeled the three bananas, put the bananas back in the basket, and kept the peels to himself. That confusion turned to horror as Tyler began to munch on one of the banana peels.

"Is that… good?" Brick asked, watching Tyler as he chewed.

"Hell yeah!" Tyler laughed between bites. "It's really a great source of protein. Want one?" He held out a banana peel to Brick, who politely held up a hand.

"All yours, buddy." Brick glanced up ahead as he walked. "Besides, I won't have much of an appetite until I get this situation with Eva resolved. I need to know why she threw that javelin at me!"

Suddenly, something sharp whizzed right over Brick's head, grazing the top of his hair. The cadet yelped in surprise and whipped around to see what it was. There, sticking out of the tree behind him, was a long wooden javelin. Tyler walked up to the weapon and examined it, before turning to Brick.

".Like this javelin?" he asked.

"Yeah… that's odd," Brick said, his brow furrowed. "That looks exactly like the javelin Eva threw at me. Heh, what a coincidence!"

The military buff turned back around and screamed as another javelin hurtled right towards him. It landed between his legs, sticking out of the ground mere inches away from his groin. Brick heaved a sigh of relief, before glancing back at Tyler.

"Wow, two close calls." He paused and frowned. "I wonder where all these javelins are coming from?"

"Uh… probably her?" Tyler guessed, pointing forward.

Standing in the middle of a clearing up ahead was Eva, her eyes trained on both of them. Sitting on the ground next to her was a pile of 50 more javelins. Never taking her eyes off of them, the athletic freak slowly reached down to pick up another one.

"Ah! Good morning, Eva!" Brick called out to her. He held up the fruit basket. "We brought this for you, courtesy of us! Tyler even hand-peeled the bananas!"

The words had barely left his mouth before a javelin shot right through the basket, splitting it open and causing all the fruit to fall to the ground.

"NO!" Brick screamed. "MAN DOWN! MAN DOWN!" He frantically bent down and started trying to gather up all the fallen fruit. Right as he did this, another javelin whizzed past and just missed puncturing his butt.

"Uh… Brick?" Tyler called out as a javelin flew past his ear. "This might be a hot take, but I'm not really vibing with this. Can we leave?"

"We just have to keep trying!" Brick cried. "We can do this! Besides, javelins aren't so scary!"

Twenty seconds later, the two were running away screaming as a rapid barrage of javelins hurtled after them.

Confession Cam

Brick: First mission of Operation Get-Eva-To-Like-Me: failure. (He shrugs.) Well, not a total failure. Tyler did tell me about a great new source of protein to add to my diet!

(Static)

Tyler: Yep, eating banana peels is not only a great source of protein, but it's also a great way to give back to society. Did you know that if we all ate one banana peel per day, we could help prevent millions of needless deaths from people accidentally slipping on banana peels every year? (He wipes a tear from his eye.) I'll miss you, Grandpa…

End of Confessionals

Elsewhere in the forest, Jasmine was foraging for berries. She had found a particularly ripe bush and was busy picking from it when she suddenly heard someone enter into the clearing on the other side. Shading her eyes with her hand, Jasmine realized it was Scarlett.

"Huh… what's she doing…" Jasmine murmured to herself, crouching down behind the bush so that she could spy on the ginger-haired girl.

She watched as Scarlett walked over to a massive tree, examining it. To Jasmine's surprise, the braniac began to knock on the bark.

Jasmine's eyes narrowed. "What the hell…?

Suddenly, someone popped up next to her.

"G'day, m'lady, I—" Harold started, but quickly fell silent as Jasmine frantically put her finger to her lips.

The survivalist turned back toward the clearing, but Scarlett was now gone. Jasmine stood back up with a groan, stretching her arms and cracking her back. She turned to Harold, who was staring up at her in awe.

"Sorry for shushing you like that. I just saw something kind of strange." Jasmine glanced over at the tree again before speaking. "You're on the same team as Scarlett, right? If you don't mind me asking, has she been at all… peculiar?"

Harold chuckled. "If by 'peculiar', you mean 'not at all subtle with her flirtation', then yes."

"Huh? She was flirting with you?"

"Oh, she was coming at me very hard. I'll give it to her- she was definitely shooting her shot. It honestly came across as a bit desperate. Like who just goes up to someone they hardly know and starts aggressively hitting on them like that?" Harold winked at Jasmine. "You look stunning today, by the way."

"Uh… thanks. Look, Harold—"

"So yeah, Scarlett definitely wants to unsheathe my samurai sword. But I'm actually a taken man."

"Oh? You have a girlfriend?" Jasmine asked, relieved. "Who's the lady?"

"Well, we're not official yet. But there's undeniable chemistry." Harold took a step toward Jasmine. "Do you have an idea who I could be talking about? I'll give you a hint. Her name rhymes with 'spaz spin'."

"Oh." Jasmine cringed. "So by 'hint', you just came out and said it." She sighed. "Looks like we definitely need to talk."

"You need to talk with me?" Harold grinned suggestively. "I'm intrigued."

Jasmine sternly looked down at Harold. "I don't know if you're aware, Harold, but I have a boyfriend."

"Okay, but do you actually have a boyfriend?" Harold countered. "Or do you 'have a boyfriend' like Bridgette kept saying she 'had a boyfriend' during Total Drama World Tour while getting freaky with Alejandro?"

"I actually have a boyfriend! We're going to move in together!" Jasmine snapped. She took a deep breath. "Look, I appreciate you helping me out in the challenge yesterday, Harold. And I really do think we can be friends… kind of. But that's all we can be. Friends."

"Agreed. Friends with benefits."

"NO, Harold! Just! Friends! Period!"

"You started out as 'just friends' with Shawn, too, you know," Harold pointed out. "And what do you know? That blossomed into a loving, happy relationship. Why can't it be the same for us?"

"BECAUSE I'M STILL IN THAT LOVING, HAPPY RELATIONSHIP WITH SHAWN, YOU WANKER!" Jasmine shouted.

Harold paused, thinking deeply. Then he spoke.

"Okay. I'm willing to make the three of us work."

"…What?! NO! EW!"

"Gosh, I'm throwing out all the ideas I have here! You gotta work with me, Jasmine!"

"Here's an idea: I can stay with Shawn and you can KICK ROCKS!" Jasmine yelled, picking up her berry basket and storming away.

Harold watched her leave, and the nodded to himself with approval. "That could've gone worse."

Confession Cam

Jasmine: Despite Harold being a huge jackass about it, I still tried to let him down nicely and use the "I have a boyfriend" excuse. (She scowls.) But if he tries to hit on me again, then I'll let him know what I really think about the prospect of dating him.

(Static)

Harold: Am I deterred? Of course not. After all, progress often comes in increments. Do you think the greatest manga series released all their chapters at once? No, they gradually built from start-to-finish. Just like an epic manga, the love between Jasmine and I will begin slowly at first, bubbling beneath the surface as we both fight back our feelings. But as it builds and builds with each passing chapter of our love story, our passion will increase in pace and power until we can barely handle it anymore. And then, when our feelings have reached their breaking point, we will finally let go and give into our desires. Our love will swell up and explode, in what can only be described as the sort of glorious climactic conclusion befitting of a manga classic. That is what I'm waiting for, and I know it is on the horizon. (Chris sticks his head in through the window.)

Chris: Well, I think that will likely go down as the worst confessional ever.

End of Confessionals

Pahkitew Beach

It was now midday, and Chris had called the campers to the beach near the campfire pit. Team Brawn and Team Beauty had already arrived, and now everyone was waiting on Team Brain, who had a significantly longer distance to travel to get there (an intentional move by Chris).

Jasmine, Tyler, Brick, and Jo all stood together in one group, while Eva stood ten yards away from them. However, Brick was thrilled to see his teammate taking a bite out of one of the bananas he had left for her. He nudged Tyler, who gagged at the sight.

"Gross, dude. Who eats the inside of the banana?"

Alejandro, meanwhile, was anxiously watching the forest. Harold finally emerged from the trees, causing Alejandro to squeal with joy and startle his teammates. Without waiting another moment, the arch villain sprinted across the beach towards the new arrivals.

Before they could even react, Alejandro pushed past the rest of the team members and embraced Heather, who was standing at the back at the line. The queen bee's eyes widened when she realized who was hugging her.

"Alejandro?! What are you doing here?!"

"Try to guess, mi amor!" Alejandro exclaimed, hugging her tighter.

"Umm… did you forget something, and needed to come back to retrieve it before officially leaving the game for good, never to return?"

"No, silly! I'm back in the game!"

"WHAT?! WHY?!" Heather screamed. She she quickly tried to compose herself. "I mean… um… that's… so…. fun!"

"Indeed it is!" Alejandro pulled away from her, admiring her. "Can you believe it? Heatherjandro has reunited! Nothing can stop us now!"

"Wow… I'm so… this is just so… so fun!" Heather exclaimed again, her eyelid twitching.

"Wait, you call your relationship Heatherjandro?" Jo called out.

Alejandro ignored Jo, and instead gazed into Heather's eyes. "I just wanted to thank you again for what you said to me after I was eliminated, Heather. Your words truly filled my heart with such fulfillment, beyond what I knew was possible. And now that I know you're no longer afraid to hide your feelings for me, we no longer have to hide our love from the others! We can become the dominant power couple we always dreamed we could be!"

"That's…" Heather was silent for thirty seconds. She finally spoke again. "…fun."

Confession Cam

Heather: I can't believe it. It's like my worst nightmare. The only reason I felt comfortable enough saying all that romantic bullsh** to Alejandro was because he was going home! (She groans.) But now that Alejandro's back, he thinks we can just be completely out in the open with our relationship. Like that won't be exactly what gets us both eliminated. Why doesn't he get that?! (She tries to calm herself down.) Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe Alejandro will be smart enough to realize that he can't take this 'Heatherjandro' stuff too far in front of the others.

(Static)

Alejandro: I have never felt more certain about Heatherjandro than in this very moment. And it's made me realize something. (He takes a deep breath.) It scares me to say this, but I might just be ready for the next step. (He reaches within his shirt, and pulls out a small velvet case. He opens the case, revealing a sparking diamond engagement ring.) I've been saving this for that perfect someone since the age of 7. This engagement ring has been passed down every other generation in my family, so I do not take this decision lightly. But if the moment's right, when everyone is watching… I may go ahead and do it. I may just ask Heather to become Mrs. Burromuerto. (He pauses, thinking.) …She'll probably want to keep her last name.

End of Confessionals

The three teams were now all standing before Chris, who was looking like he was in a particularly grouchy mood. The host didn't address them, shaking his head and muttering to himself.

Topher raised his hand. "Um… Chris? You all right, buddy? Do you need someone to take over?"

Chris just continued to mutter to himself.

"Do you think this is the challenge?" Brick whispered to Jo. "Trying to figure out why Chris is so sad?"

"That would be impossible," Jo whispered back. "If I were Chris, I would be sad about everything. I mean, look at the guy."

"I heard that!" Chris shouted. He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Sorry, everyone. I just realized we have something we need to do before the challenge. But we'll get to that in a moment." He beckoned to the shore, where a boat had arrived. "Let's welcome back the exiled campers!"

Noah, Duncan, and Sugar all got off and began walking towards their teams. As Duncan passed, Chris grabbed him by the shoulder and started whispering in his ear.

"Did you find the Chris Head?"

"Nope," Duncan said. "Sorry, bro."

"Are you kidding me?! But I gave you exact instructions!"

Jasmine raised an eyebrow. "'Instructions'?"

Chris glanced over at the other campers. They were all staring at him and Duncan suspiciously. The host coughed and tugged at his collar.

"Uh… yes. I gave Duncan instructions on… uh… how not to cheat at the game, of course," he said. He turned back to Duncan. "Seriously, how did you mess it up?"

Duncan jerked his thumb over at Chef. "Why don't you ask that guy?"

Chris looked at Chef, who turned away, whistling innocently. Meanwhile, Noah walked over to Team Brains and stood in front of Courtney, who reeled in disgust.

"Why do you smell like puke?" she gagged.

"It's actually a really fascinating story, Courtney," Noah said. "I got puked on."

Courtney rolled her eyes. "Thanks, Noah. I never would've figured that out."

"I do my best." Noah glanced back at Courtney. "Also, I don't know how this makes you feel, but I kind of cuddled with your ex last night. Hope you're not too jealous."

"And why exactly would I be jealous? I'm more just completely confused by that statement."

"Wait… Noah cuddled with Duncan?" Harold gasped, sticking his head up between them. "Let me just say that I feel so validated right now. I've been shipping Nuncan in my fanfics for years."

"Welp, now I'm going to puke," Courtney said.

Chris surveyed the group. "Alrighty, looks like everyone's here. Well, almost everyone. Alejandro and Eva have returned to the competition, but our good friend Cameron is sadly gone forever. Let us all have a moment of silence for Cameron."

Everyone awkwardly fell silent. Scarlett glared over at Harold, who grinned sheepishly back at her.

"…Okay, that's enough silence for Cameron. He wasn't that great. Now, moving along to my unfortunate announcement." Chris took a deep breath, and reluctantly continued speaking. "We can't move on with this season until we finish something. I can only hope it goes more smoothly this time."

Chris pressed a button on his remote control, and a powerful whirring sound filled the air. Everyone immediately let out a collective groan, knowing what it meant. They watched as a large metallic drone flew over their heads and over to Chris, hovering next to the TV personality. Perched on top of the drone was a video camera.

The campers were now all grumbling among themselves, looking very annoyed.

"That's right, folks," Chris sighed. "We have to film the theme song."

How will this year's theme song turn out? Just how long will it take to film?

What will happen should Alejandro propose?

Can Brick break through to Eva?

Will Harold win over Jasmine?

Which of these three men is the most delusional?

See all this and more on the next chapter of:

TOTAL DRAMA: BRAINS VS BRAWN VS BEAUTY!

NEXT TIME: It's time to film the theme song, and when it's all in one take… it requires a lot of takes.

The Cheesebub's Message: Praise the lord! An update that didn't take over a year! Obviously, I want to one day get to the point where I can get out 1-2 updates every month, so I'm still very far from my goal. But I should have more time to work on this story now, so I hope I can get more consistent updates going. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Please feel free to leave a review with any feedback you have. I will respond to all of them through PM, unless it's a guest review, in which case I'll respond to it in my author's note. Hope everyone is staying safe!