"-That if we rush into this...that I may lose you" Magnus admitted.

"What? Why would you think that?" Alec couldn't help but ask slightly bewildered, why on earth would Magnus lose him after sex? Why would Magnus lose him at all? Didn't he understand that Alec was all in? That he wanted to be with him?

"Look...you're not the only one that feels vulnerable" Magnus said softly.

"Magnus...you have nothing to worry about, I want this" Alec reiterated, this wasn't entirely how he saw this going in his head and the last thing he wanted was to say he was ready and then lose his nerve now that they finally had a minute to themselves, now that Alec was finally allowed to do more than ignore his desires and wants- he had a boyfriend now, a real boyfriend he couldn't stop thinking about. Pressing forward he kissed Magnus again hands reaching up towards the buttons he'd thought about unbuttoning earlier when they'd been kissing before they'd been interrupted-walking him backwards he felt Magnus kiss back and arms hesitantly come up and giving Alec a slight squeeze before pulling his mouth away once more sending a jolt of disappointment through Alec.

What was he doing wrong? Didn't Magnus want this too? Want him?

"Alexander can we...can we please just slow down for a second and talk? " It was the tone that finally completely broke Alec out of his haze of desire and nerves. The frantic anxiety telling him 'dont over think it, dont over think it' came to a halt.

Magnus didn't sound exited, he didn't sound like he couldn't wait to be with him...he sounded almost fragile, hesitant, concerned. Like part of him was expecting Alec to say no and leave- and that wasn't a good sign.

Alec's brow furrowed and he stepped back slightly trying to ignore the sting of rejection that was beginning to burn in his chest, but then a voice that sounded disturbingly like his sister popped into his head 'if you cant talk about sex should you really be doing it? Talk to Magnus, Magnus cares about you, dont forget Alec-relationships take effort'

"I-I dont understand. I thought you would-Don't you want me?" ok NOW he wanted to run away, even he could hear the insecurity in his question and the way his voice slightly broke.

Immediately Magnus stepped closer and cupped Alec's face in his hands a look of sadness in his eyes as his thumbs ran gently over Alec's cheek bones before grabbing his hand and leading him towards the bed to sit down "From the minute I saw you Alexander, Of course I want you. I was yours the minute I laid my eyes on you...it's not a question of want or desire at all, there's more to sex than desire...especially in a relationship, especially for our first time together. Honestly 'sex' itself is a fairly broad term which could mean a couple things and I don't ever want there to be misunderstandings about what we do together. I'm not saying no or never or even not tonight, I just- I just want to talk about this first. I want it to be right...for both of us"
And now Magnus was looking at him biting his lip waiting, and the worst part was he still looked like he was anticipating Alec simply getting up and leaving.

Alec took a deep breath, effort- he can do this, he can talk about sex "Okay, okay lets talk then..I'm sorry I just-I thought" he struggled and Magnus gave him a small smile before reaching over and grabbing his hand bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss across the back.

"You don't need to apologize Alexander, I just...when you say you want 'this'...and want to take the next step...I- we haven't done much and honestly there's more than one way to have sex so specificity is important- I mean...it's not all about penetration (Alec felt his cheeks burn and throat go dry) there's oral sex, mutual masturbation, rubbing up against each other with or without clothes, and with penetration it's important to know which part you are comfortable with exploring right now,- I-I haven't been someones first in a long time and the last thing I want is to do something that will make it anything but amazing for you or disappoint you-so the only way we can both be completely comfortable is if we are both clear about what we want and are really ready for..it's more than sex or hormones, this is about us. I mean at least it is for- ( And Alec watched Magnus pause and a strange look suddenly crossed his face replacing the gentle understanding that had been there)...I...can I ask though Alexander, is this- is this about finally getting a chance to have sex? Or...-or wanting sex with ME? Does it -does it matter that..." At that he saw Magnus cut himself off pressing his lips together tightly and watched his gaze move to the floor, shoulders curling slightly inward and the way he seemed to be preparing himself for whatever answer he seemed to already expect he'd be getting.

At that Alec sat back slightly struck silent, of everything Magnus had said tonight, that question said more to Alec about what his admission of fear over losing Alec if they had sex too soon was about than anything.
While yes, Alec's insecurity and inexperience was obviously a concern Magnus had...it was suddenly very apparent Magnus had his own insecurities as well that Alec needed to be concerned over.

*who the hell hurt you? Who the hell wouldn't want EVERYTHING with you? How could you ever think you are just someone to sleep with?*

The question was on the tip of his tongue but he held back, there would be time to figure that out later. If Magnus was harboring some insecurity that Alec's interest in him had more to do with sex than actual feelings ? that was worrying and not exactly a good start to anything remotely sexy.
The worst part is he did understand now, Hell look at what he walked in on with Jace, he knew from watching his siblings that sex and feelings didn't always have go together and that was fine and there was nothing wrong with that as long as both people where on the same page and agreed...but he is sure it's not a great feeling if one person goes into it thinking it means something different to both people only to find out after that it didn't mean that at all. At looking at Magnus now something tells him it wouldn't be the first time for Magnus to hear something like that.
Steeling his nerves he slipped from his seat and moved onto his knees in front of Magnus taking his hands "Hey, look at me" he said softly and Magnus lifted his eyes and Alec can already see the trickle of resignation bleeding into his expression, Magnus had told him in few words he just hadn't quite understood...this WAS new and scary for him too, Alec was not the only person vulnerable here.

"This isn't about me just wanting to get rid of my virginity ( he felt his cheeks blush) or about taking my chance to have sex with someone and you being the obvious choice. You aren't just anyone Magnus, not to me. I-I want it to be you, this isn't...it's not spur of the moment idea that just popped up...I just haven't really known how to bring it up without sounding like an idiot. I'm..I'm working on communicating better...Izzy says I over think things and I think she's probably right but Magnus you have to know that sex? I want it with you. I want everything with you.. It's special and important and exciting because it's you and you make me feel so much and want so much and I think about you...about US together all the time. I want more with you. I hate leaving, I hate us getting interrupted and now that I finally have you to myself I just want to be closer to you. It's not about me having sex, it's about being with you- being closer to you. About us being TOGETHER. I want that. I want you. I want to know how to touch you and learn how to make you feel good. But if you aren't ready? I can wait. This is more than sex to me too Magnus, we are more than that. You are more than that, whatever we do is for both of us...and I'm not going anywhere. This is a relationship and for me? That means I'm all in" He pressed one last kiss to Magnus hands before letting go. His heart might have stopped mid way through his confession, and he isn't entirely sure his face isn't ACTUALLY on fire...but he hoped his words came out right and would reassure Magnus that sex or no sex...Alec was still here.

Looking up into Magnus eyes the warlock wore an expression that held so much emotion and want that Alec's heart thumped heavily in his chest and heat pool in his stomach, no one had ever looked at him the way Magnus looked at him, especially the way he was looking at him now like he was too good to be true- like he was everything Magnus had ever wanted suddenly in front of him and he couldn't understand what the hell he'd done t deserve it- how did a look from Magnus do for more for him than every interaction or passing attraction had in the past? How did a look from Magnus fan a spark of desire into a roaring inferno? He heard Magnus let out a slightly breathless huff of air and then he was gripping Alec's shirt and pulling him up off the floor towards him connecting their mouths in a slightly desperate kiss.

Magnus leaned back on the bed pulling Alec with him, and Alec could feel his lips curving into a smile as they kissed and felt something in him unfurl and slowly pressed his body closer, hovering slightly over Magnus pausing for a moment before he felt Magnus arms pulling him in and lining their bodies closer together eagerly.

Was it supposed to feel this good?

Was being pressed up against someone as you kiss supposed to feel this earth shattering?

They broke the kiss and looked at each other for a second. Alec took in the brilliant smile tugging at kiss bitten lips and caught a flicker of gold so quickly flash through Magnus eyes and the way he held Alec to him- body shifting fully into his like he too felt the constant pull to be so much closer and couldn't entirely believe he got to have it.

"Alexander you...you have no idea I-for once I'm the one without words. There you go again always surprising me in the best ways, you're so much better at this than you think you are. Anything you want angel, anything-everything...it's yours Alexander. I'm all in, All of me. I'm yours." He leaned in and pecked Alec once, then twice as if he simply couldn't help himself and pulled back grinning up at Alec who returned his smile. Magnus was his, Magnus wanted him and Alec had talked about his feelings and hadn't messed things up.

This felt different now, better. That desperate frantic anxiety from before had settled after talking, it felt less scary. He was still nervous- but It was a good nervous, an exciting nervous, it was anticipation and heat and curiosity and desire.

He pulled Magnus with him shifting further up the bed until he had Magnus pressed back against his pillows staring up at him like he was ...everything. Like there was nothing more he would ever want or need than Alec, no one else existed.

HE did that.

And something just clicked.

He felt a spark of clarity, of sudden giddiness, of confidence...this was Magnus. His Magnus...Magnus himself had said he was HIS, that he felt so much more for Alec than he knew what to do with or had felt for others in the past and it finally sunk it that there was no score board, no secret check list of things he was supposed to do, there were not 17000 people in this bed with them- just them, just Magnus and him...and while Magnus may have been with others...he'd never been with Alec, sex is more than physical-how they feel about each other made it different, who they were to each other- who they were together made it different. Made it special.

They might have had his body in the past, and some momentarily had his heart but Alec had him. All of him. Here, now, his body, his heart, in this bed- and in his arms.
Magnus had been loved before, but he had never been loved by Alec.
No one could ever love him like Alec would.
And Alec was so ready to love him.

He was ready. He was really ready.

Capturing Magnus lips in a open mouthed kiss and pressing their bodies together he swallowed the groan of satisfaction Magnus let out. He pulled back and let his hand trail over Magnus side sliding under his shirt and stroking over the abs he'd been eager to get his hands on since the first time he saw them.

"Can I?" he asked and Magnus nodded eyes slightly lidded and Alec slid his shirt up sitting up slightly so Magnus could lift enough he could pull it off of him. He chucked it unthinkingly over his shoulder immediately distracted by *skin so much skin that he was actually allowed to touch -by the angel how would he ever be expected to stop touching him after this?*

He heard a a small huff of amusement and realized he may have said that last bit out loud.

"You too Alexander, let me see you?" Magnus whispered fingers trailing down his spine and slipping under the edge of his shirt tracing circles along Alec's lower back and he nearly ripped the shirt in half trying to get it out of the way of Magnus roaming fingers, pressing back down and the first feel of their heated skin sliding against each other?

Everything else melted away.

All that was left was Magnus.