A/N: I got this idea when I watched Anatomy of Murder. The scene where Beckett tells Castle that Josh is a doctor. I know Castle most likely made fun of him and called him motorcycle boy as a defense mechanism for being jealous and Kate didn't like him making fun of him. But I think that snide remark might have had more impact than Castle let on. I also thought that comment Beckett in A Rose for Everafter was cruel. So I came up with this. Plus I wanted to write a break up scene with Josh, too.
/
The case had been a weird one and he couldn't help but think after all that had happened with Nurse Greg and Amy that who, besides maybe his mother and daughter, would break him out of prison. Gina? Yeah right. Things were heating up with her but it was mostly sex. He thought about Beckett as she was in Montgomery's office wrapping things up and giving him her final report. How could he compete with a heart surgeon for the detective's bruised and battered heart?
He saved a patient's life this morning, what did you do, Castle?
He'd played it off but the truth was she obviously still saw him and someone frivolous. He was only there because she lost the bet about the counterfeiting case. She'd preferred Tom Demming to him last summer so he went with what was comfortable, safe. Gina.
I didn't think you went for real.
Those words stung more than she knew at the time. He had believed Kyra Blaine was the one. He wasn't that guy on page six and he thought by now she knew that. But obviously she didn't.
Kate comes out of Montgomery's office and headed to her desk, "Hey Castle, you're still here?"
"Uh yeah, just thinking." He replies absentmindedly
"About what?" She asked as she began shutting down her computer and closing up for the night
"Nothing important." He says
"Big plans for the weekend?" She asks as she would on any normal Friday
"Oh you know, nothing as important as heart surgery." He mumbles, not sure what came over him
"Excuse me?" She asks having heard him clearly anyway
"Nothing." He says and gets up starting to walk away
"Castle, is there a problem?" She asks
He turns back around, "No, of course not."
She narrows her eyes, "I think there is. I'm getting a little tired of these cracks about Josh."
"Look, I'm sorry. Just forget I said anything."
"I don't think so." She says cocking her head toward the break room, "We need to talk."
He sighs heavily and follows her. She shuts the door and turns to him.
"You obviously have something you want to get off your chest." She says, "But before you say anything let me remind you that my personal life is my business."
"Of course it is." He agrees, "And I don't have any right to say anything. I mean who am I?"
She gives him a curious look and he continues
"I'm just the guy who you said you wanted around when you caught the people who hired Dick Coonan to kill your mother. The guy you said made your job more fun."
"Castle-" She begins but he continues on
"I know I can't compare to a hero like Josh who saves lives or a real cop like Demming. I'm just a guy..." he pauses to gather himself, "I'm just a guy who gets up every day and tries to be better than he was the day before. A better father, a better son…a better partner."
Her face softens a bit but she doesn't speak
"I'm just a guy…whose in love with you, Kate."
Her mouth falls open and her eyes widen in shock.
"And I know I'm probably doing the worst thing possible but I can't keep lying to myself or you." He said, "And if you want me out of here then I'll leave. But this is how I feel."
After a moment he turns and walks out leaving Kate speechless
/
The frantic knocking on the door brings Lanie Parish out of the kitchen armed with two glasses and a bottle of wine. She was more than a little worried after her best friend's "emergency" text.
"Okay, what is going on?" She asks Kate enters her apartment
"I…I don't know." She mumbles
"Kate, what happened?" She asks again
"Castle...said…he…" She says slowly but doesn't finish
"Castle said he what?" Lanie asks beginning to get exasperated
"He said he loves me."
Lanie's squeal could be heard over on the next block, "Girl, it's about time. What did you say to him?"
"Nothing, he left."
"What?" She asks
"He made this big speech and then walked out of the precinct." Kate explains
"Why would he do that?"
"Because…because he thinks I don't feel the same way." She says
"And why on earth would he thing that?" Lanie says sarcastically
Beckett gives her a look
"Don't look at me like that Kate Beckett." She scolds, "You two have been dancing around this long enough. You wanted to go with him to the Hamptons didn't you? And if you say no you're a damned liar."
"Yes, but then Gina walked in." Kate says, "What was I supposed to do? He wanted to go with her."
"He only did that because you flaunted Tom Demming in his face." Lanie says more harshly maybe than she meant to."
"I know." She says quietly
"So what are you gonna do?" Lanie asks
Kate just shrugs
"I'll tell you what you're gonna do. You're gonna put the brakes on with doctor boy and tell that man you love him too."
"Lanie…"
"Don't Lanie me." She says, "You need to stop this, Kate. Stop running and hiding. Castle loves you and I think he's proven that many times."
Kate stands there thinking about what her friend said
/
Castle sits at his desk trying to write but all her can think about is her.
I'm a fool. She's never really given me any reason to think she might return my feelings. I shouldn't just kept my mouth shut.
"Richard, are you alright?" His mother asks from the doorway of his office
"I'm fine, Mother." He assures her
"Uh huh." She says completely unconvinced
"Mother, please. I'm in mood."
"Well, too bad." She says coming all the way in to his office, "There's only one person who can get you this out of sorts. Did you have an argument with Katherine?"
"I…I told her that I love her." He admits
"Oh darling, and she said she doesn't feel the same way?"
"She didn't say anything." He says scraping his hand over his face
"What do you mean?" She asks
"She told me this guy she's dating is a doctor. She made some crack about him saving lives and what did I do? I guess it got to me. But to be fair I as making cracks about her boyfriend."
"Uh huh." She says, "Because you're jealous."
He looks up at his mother, "Yes, okay. I'm jealous and I…I thought she knew me better than that. I thought she knew that I wasn't that guy on page six. I thought about a comment she made when we worked that case at Krya's wedding. She said Kyra was different than my ex-wives. She was real and she didn't think I went for real."
"Son, people say things without thinking." Martha offers
"I can't compete with a handsome doctor who saves lives and leaps tall buildings in a single bound and I told her that I knew that and that I was just a guy who was in love with her."
"And she didn't have any response?"
"I told her I was probably making a mistake telling her that and I left." He explains
"You didn't give her a chance to say something? So, how do you know you made a mistake or that she doesn't feel the same way? I'd be very surprised if she doesn't."
"Mother, she dated Tom Demming and made it clear she wanted to be with him and now she's with someone else.'
"Speaking of which, so are you." Martha reminds him
"I know and it hasn't really felt right." He says, "I don't know why I thought it could work with Gina a second time."
"Then you need to end it, regardless of what happens with Beckett." She advises, "You know, I've never met two more stubborn people in my life than you and Katherine. You keep doing this ridiculous dance and it has to stop, one way or another. So talk to her, Richard."
Martha walks out leaving her son to consider her words.
/
Kate was waiting for Josh to take his break. She had text him to say they needed to talk. She couldn't wait until his shift was over mostly because she might lose her nerve.
"Hey." He says with a smile as he walk up to her and kisses her on the cheek
"Hey." She replies back
"So what is so important?" He asks
"Can we go somewhere private?"
"Yeah sure." He says and leads her to the doctor's lounge that's empty for the moment
"What's up?" He asks
"Josh, I…I really like you. I hope you know that." She begins
"Uh huh." He replies, "I think I know where this is going."
"Josh, I'm sorry. I don't want to hurt you but we haven't been dating all that long and it's just not working."
"It seemed to be working fine yesterday." He says
She looks down avoiding his eyes.
"It's someone else, isn't it?"
She looks back up and her eyes only give confirmation.
"It's that writer." He says angrily, "You talk about him all the time. You say what a pain he is but I could tell that wasn't the truth."
"Josh, I really am sorry. I never meant to hurt you." She says
"So what was I, Kate?" He asks, "Just some fling because writer man was with someone else? So, did he broke up with his ex-wife and that's why you decided to dump me?"
"Josh, it wasn't like that. You're a great guy." She says
"Yeah, well thanks. I'll see you around, Kate." He says and walks out of the room
/
It was getting but he couldn't sleep.
Honesty, don't believe the hype
How could he have been so stupid? Now he probably won't even be able to shadow her anymore. Was his declaration of love worth losing their partnership? He was surprised he hadn't heard from her already, telling him to get lost. As he was further wallowing in self-pity there was a knock on the door.
Who the hell could that be? It's almost eleven.
He walks through his office into the main living area to the front door. He's shocked to find her standing there.
"Kate." He breathes out
"Hey, Castle." She replies
"Hey."
After a moment she speaks, "You gonna let me in or are we gonna have this conversation in the hallway?"
"Oh, uh yeah." He steps back opening the door for her to enter
"Look, Kate, I'm sorry. I never should have said anything…"
"That was a pretty big bomb you dropped on my Castle." She walks further into the loft toward the sofa then turns to look at him
"I know and if you want me to leave the precinct I…"
Before he can finish she walks over to him and covers his mouth with hers.
"Does that answer your question?" She asks as their lips break apart
"Kate…what about Josh?" He asks
"I broke up with him so if you weren't serious about what you said then…"
"Oh I was serious." He assures her, "You…you really broke up with him?"
"Yeah, I did." She says, "But what about Gina?"
"Oh god, I…I need to talk to her." He says, "But not on the phone."
"Hmm….no that wouldn't be the gentlemanly thing to do."
"Kate, are you sure about this?" He asks
"Rick." She says and her use of his first name sends a shiver down his spine, "I love you so let's stop being idiots. Now, shut up and kiss me."
The End