NAME: Ralph Dineen

JOURNAL PROJECT FOR ENGLISH - GRADE 6

STUDENT'S LOG

STARDATE: 70628.3

(My friend Sylvester suggested I log my entries in this manner)

Today's Earth date is: 02/28/17 17:30

This is the first entry of my weekly journal assignment. As my English teacher, you suggested we write about life events, thoughts, impressions and feelings. My mother considers this an excellent way for me to expand my EQ, but I'm still rather doubtful of the utility. Only time will tell, I suppose.

Let me start with an event. It requires a list of facts, so it is the easiest to regurgitate.

Yesterday, Scorpion (the Homeland contract company where my mother works) saved a girl's life. There is nothing unusual about the team saving lives. It happens more frequently than not. In the three years my mother has been working there, they've had a 100% success rate in saving people whose lives are in danger. Sometimes the methods they use are a little unorthodox, but they always get the job done somehow. For example, yesterday they saved Ada by submerging her in honey and housing her in a sterile meat locker. It is a long and convoluted story and it would take too long to type all the many details. Suffice it to say, they were successful.

My mom's boss, Walter, is one of my very best friends. (And for the record, he would consider this assignment a waste of time) He even wrote an algorithm to help find a bone marrow match for Ada. So saving her life is an ongoing project as well.

But my mom says those facts are not the only important parts of the story. The other important part was connecting with her emotional state and leaving her feeling noticed, worthwhile and appreciated. Ada missed her Winter Formal because of the condition of her health. We staged a virtual school dance for her.

I guess my thoughts about it are, while it was imperative to save her life, I concluded it was also crucial to remind her that her life is meaningful.

My impression of her state of mind was we left her feeling happy and hopeful.

And it left me feeling proud to be a part of the work Scorpion does. Also it reminded me, with a nudge from my mom, how fortunate I am to be healthy and able.

As you have promised not to share the contents of this journal, I will add a more personal item. My mom broke up with her boyfriend yesterday as well. I think it was wise. They live over 7000 miles apart. My impression is she's sad. And I hate that it's upsetting for her, but I can't help but feel privately ecstatic. Tim was nice enough and he always treated my mom and me with respect. In spite of that however, another overwhelming emotion I'm experiencing is one of relief, because I didn't want him for my stepdad. And even though Toby tries to dissuade me, I can't help but feel cautiously hopeful for my mom and, well, someone else; someone that is already a parent to me unofficially, to form a romantic attachment. I can't think of a more ideal outcome or anything I would like more than to be a real family; all three of us together. I don't believe in luck, but I can't help crossing my fingers and wishing on stars. I know it's not logical, but I am unable to make myself stop at this juncture if there is even the slightest probability it might be helpful.

End of Entry #1.

oOoOoOoOoOo

Why did she tell him? What possessed her?

At the time, Paige rationalized to herself she just wanted Tim to affirm it was no big deal. Seeing Walter with another woman was not her deepest fear. It couldn't be. Losing Ralph was her deepest fear. Except it wasn't. She didn't have that fear buried deep inside herself. She was well aware of it and made no attempt to hide it. It was right there on the surface and she had no trouble admitting it.

Seeing Walter move on with someone else? Well that was quite a different story. And she couldn't deny the misery and anxiety that swamped her at the sight. It was like a tsunami. Just as devastating and just as unstoppable. But she hadn't shared that part with Tim.

She should have anticipated the way her now ex-boyfriend would react to her explanation of the hallucination. He was incredibly sensitive about her relationship with Walter. He had been from the very beginning. Was she subconsciously trying to sabotage her stable, normal relationship by relating the story to him?

Paige had to admit it was a real possibility. As she and Walter spent more time together, she invested less and less time in her romance with the ex SEAL. Tim had commented about it more than once beginning back before he was offered the extension on his contract. The final straw was the hallucination. Maybe she told him on purpose with this outcome in mind? Did she secretly want him to accept that extension?

A troubled and confused Paige began to straighten her desk. There was no way she would get anything else constructive done this afternoon.

"Ralph, finish what you're doing and gather up. It's time to head home," she called out to her son who was at the conference table typing away on his tablet.

Walter glanced across at her from where he was sitting at his desk. He had a question in his eyes, but he appeared hesitant. If he garnered the courage to voice it, she already knew what her answer would be. Heaven help her. Why did the man have to be so ridiculously attractive? And he was much more so now when he was doing his best to be so sweet to her. Paige could feel herself climbing back up on the same old whirling carousel. The ride could be thrilling and fun, but it ultimately went nowhere.

xXxXxXxXxXx

More than once he'd considered moving his own desk to the elevator. Especially while Paige was dating the interloper. However, while it was brutally painful at times, he also found it strangely necessary to have her in his direct line of sight every time he looked up from his computer.

When had he become such a sap? Before he'd met Paige, no one would have ever accused Walter O'Brien of being sentimental or sensitive in any way. Not in his wildest nightmares. But now there were days he could just sit and watch her work and feel calmer. Knowing that no matter how badly he screwed up, she was still right there for him to admire. Even if he'd blown the chance to love her, Paige was still there as a 'special friend'. That would have to be enough.

And he hadn't screwed up yet today. At least he didn't think so.

That morning he'd brought her coffee with cinnamon. And he was trying his best to 'give her space' all the while resisting the almost overwhelming urge to pry in to her personal life. No matter how much he wanted all the facts and details. No matter how much he was dying to fix it for her somehow. Well, in a way that didn't include mending her former relationship with Tim.

She seemed tired and a little distracted all day. He hoped it was a good sign that she wasn't as outwardly sad. By his estimation the break up was less than thirty-six hours ago. If she was already visibly better, did that mean it wouldn't be long before she could move on with someone else? He shouldn't even be thinking about that. It wouldn't be him. He'd sunk that ship before it sailed, hadn't he?

Paige was collecting her things and she asked Ralph to get ready to go. Walter glanced up. He wasn't ready to let them go home yet. The garage was always too quiet after they left for the day. Would it be violating her space if he asked them to go to out for a meal with him? Would a cognizant, caring friend extend that invitation?

Giving her a slightly diffident smile, he asked, "Do you and Ralph have plans for dinner?"

AN: A lot of people have wondered how Paige's deepest fear could be Walter moving on with another woman. I kinda answered that question in this story. Your deepest fear isn't necessarily your worst fear. It's one you have suppressed or don't talk about. Or at least that's my take on it.

Anyway, I've been feeling a little uninspired lately. This was my attempt to get back into writing mode. This could be a one shot or I can continue if you want me to keep up with this format for future episodes. Your feedback will determine whether I write more of this or not.