A one-shot when Harry is just a baby - or a tot in this case. Hope it brings some laughs!

"Open wide, Harry," Severus said, holding up the spoon. "Here comes the plane!"

"No!" the two-year-old replied, turning his head away.

"Come on, Harry," Severus encouraged, holding the spoon to his mouth. "You love oatmeal. Why aren't you eating?"

"Train," Harry said with a pout.

"Excuse me?"

"Train. Choo choo to my mouth."

"Oh, I see," Severus smiled, nodding his head in understanding. "Here comes the train, choo choo!"

Harry laughed and opened his mouth as the 'train' zoomed in. He swallowed the oatmeal happily and Severus was glad the boy was finally interested in the cinnamon apple swirl oatmeal. Harry kicked his feet and bounced in his booster seat as he used his own baby spoon to scoop up oatmeal.

"Here, Daddy," Harry held the spoon up to his father, "here comes train! Choo choo!"

Severus chuckled and obediently opened his mouth and ate the oatmeal.

"Yum yum?" Harry asked.

"Very yum yum," Severus answered.

"Yummy!" Harry picked up another spoonful and ate a bite himself.

Severus returned to reading his daily prophet as Harry finally ate some of the oatmeal in his bowl. Severus had to head out that afternoon to sell nearly one hundred vials of potions he had made over the last couple of weeks. He had several apothecaries in mind that paid good money for his work. He just need Remus to babysit Harry for him. After a few moments, Harry threw his spoon and it skid across the table and fell to the floor.

"Harry," Severus gently scolded, putting his paper down. "Spoons are not for throwing."

"I want that banana!" Harry pointed to the fruit on Severus's plate.

"What do you say when you ask for something?"

"Please."

Severus peeled the banana and sliced it with his knife and put the slices on the table in front of Harry. Harry happily picked up one at a time to put in his mouth. Severus tried to return to his paper, but he could tell Harry was getting full and antsy to do something else.

"All done, Harry?" Severus asked as Harry tried to climb out of his booster seat.

"All done," Harry repeated.

Severus set the paper down and unstrapped Harry from his seat. He set Harry down, but took his hand and led him up the stairs to the boy's room. He picked Harry up and laid him down on the changing table and undressed Harry, removing the blue one-piece sleeper pajamas.

"Let's get you out of that nappy, you stinky boy," Severus cooed at Harry as he changed him.

"You stinky boy," Harry smiled.

"I beg to differ," Severus smirked, leaning down and rubbing his nose against Harry's, making the two-year-old laugh.

After putting on a fresh nappy, Severus gently tweaked Harry's nose.

"What is this thing?" Severus asked.

"My nose," Harry giggled.

"What are these?" Severus grabbed Harry's ears in his fingers.

"My ears."

"What's this?" Severus touched Harry's belly button. Harry looked down at his stomach.

"My belly button."

Severus leaned down and blew a raspberry on Harry's stomach. Harry squealed and tried to push his father's head off him. Severus kissed Harry's cheek before grabbing the clothes sitting on the end of the table. Severus held the shirt up so Harry could see.

"What's that?" Severus asked referring to the image on the dark blue shirt.

"It's a tiger!" Harry pointed up at the shirt. "Rarr!"

"Very good," Severus smiled, pulling the shirt over Harry's head. He slid on blank pants and stood Harry to pull them up. He sat Harry down to put on some socks before setting Harry on the floor.

"Let's go wait for Uncle Remus to arrive downstairs."

It was an hour before noon and Sirius flooed to Severus's manor. Remus had been called in to work, being an auror made life unpredictable. He hoped Severus wouldn't mind the change in plans. He was sure he could watch Harry. The boy was a toddler – how hard could they be?

"Whoosh!" Sirius heard Harry's voice as he stepped out of the floo. Harry liked to mimic the sound of the floo whenever it was activated. He saw Harry playing on the floor amid a hundred large building blocks.

"Sirius?" Severus asked, stepping out of the kitchen with a cup of tea. "What are you doing here? Where's Remus?"

"He was called in to help with a raid. Apparently one of the Black Estates. Understandably, I was asked not to attend."

"So, you expect me to leave Harry with you?"

"Oh, come on, Severus! I'm great with kids, especially my little godson."

Severus frowned at Sirius before looking down at his watch. It was only for a few hours, what harm could Sirius possible do? Severus sighed.

"Fine," Severus took a long sip from his tea before walking back to the kitchen. Sirius followed. "Feed him lunch in an hour; there's leftover spaghetti in the fridge, so just give him that. After lunch, put a drop of calming draught in his sippy cup and make sure he drinks it all. I usually read to him while he drinks it. It'll make going down for a nap a lot easier, trust me. You can lay him down on the couch, it's spelled so he won't fall off. Oh, and if he asks for his teddy bunny bear, it's in his crib."

"Got it, Severus," Sirius said. That wasn't too hard at all.

Severus placed his cup in the sink and set a self-washing and drying charm on it.

"He should wake up when I get back, so that should honestly be all you have to do with him. Amuse him for the hour till lunch. He'll probably just show off his toys. He may need a nappy change soon as well, everything you need is in the closet and of course there's extra upstairs in his room. Do you think you can handle that, Sirius?"

"Play with Harry, feed him lunch, put him down for a nap, and change his nappy when he needs it," Sirius said. "I can handle that Severus. Easy as one, two, three."

"One, two, three, four . . ." Harry started saying from where he had built a wall around himself.

"Harry's learning to count to ten," Severus informed, smiling at Harry. He walked to his son and picked him up. "Alright, baby. Daddy has to go out for a few hours, but Uncle Sirius is here and you can show him your new train set."

Severus gasped exaggeratedly at Harry, who clapped his hands excitedly.

"Uncle Siri!" Harry called out.

"Look, he's right here," Severus pointed at Sirius. "Give Daddy a kiss."

Harry kissed his father's cheek and Severus returned it before handing Harry over to Sirius. "Be good, Harry. Say bye-bye."

"No!" Harry screamed, reaching for Severus. Sirius tightened his hold on the boy, afraid he might drop him. "Daddy! I want you!"

"I'll be back, Harry," Severus grabbed some floo power and stood before the fireplace. "He'll calm down, Sirius, just get his attention on something else."

The floo flared and Severus was gone, leaving behind a screaming Harry and an unsure Sirius.

"Hey, tiger cub, calm down," Sirius rocked Harry in his arms. "Shh, Daddy will be back."

It took several long moments, but Harry finally calmed down to the point he was just sniffling. Harry rubbed at his eyes.

"Where's that train set you wanted to show me?" Sirius asked.

"I go get it," Harry insisted, pushing on Sirius. "Put me down."

Sirius set Harry on his feet and watched him run to a corner of the room and pick up a long, Hogwarts express train. It looked made of plastic. Harry lifted it up as he walked back over.

"Look at my train!"

"I see it, Harry," Sirius smiled. "It's a very nice train."

Harry put the train down and moved it along the carpet, saying, "Choo choo, chugga-chugga-choo-choo!"

Sirius winced at how high Harry's voice went on that last 'choo.' He knew trains were loud, but did Harry really have to try and imitate one exactly.

Sirius let Harry play and moved into the kitchen. He found the daily prophet and decided to read since he had missed it that morning. After five minutes, he saw Harry running into the kitchen with a sippy cup.

"More juice!" Harry demanded, holding the cup up to Sirius.

"How do you ask?" Sirius put the paper down.

"Please."

Sirius opened the fridge and poured a splash of the apple juice in the cup before filling the rest with water. He handed it to Harry.

"What do you say?"

"Thank you," Harry said, taking the cup and gulping it down. Sirius watched amused as Harry took slow steps back to the living room while chugging down the drink.

After another ten minutes of reading the prophet, Harry returned with the sippy cup.

"All gone," Harry informed Sirius.

"Is that so?" Sirius took the cup and set it on the table.

"Where Daddy?"

"Daddy's selling potions."

"Why?"

"Well, to make money, I'm sure."

"Why?"

"So, he can buy you more toys, how does that sound?"

"When Daddy be back?"

"Soon, Harry."

"You play with me, please?"

"Well, since you asked so nicely, what do you want to play?"

Harry led Sirius into the living room where he had scattered all the building blocks and the train was toppled sideways. Stuffed animals also littered the floor. Harry picked up a ball and held it up, ready to throw it to Sirius.

"Okay, Harry, I'm ready," Sirius said, holding his hands out to catch the ball.

Harry threw it and Sirius heard music and a voice sing 'a,' but when he caught the ball, it stopped.

"A!" Harry shouted.

Sirius looked at the ball, studying it.

"Throw it back!" Harry demanded. Sirius threw it and the music started and the voice sang 'b.'

"B!" Harry shouted, missing the ball but grabbing it off the ground.

Sirius guessed that each time the ball was thrown, it sang a letter of the alphabet. How annoying, Sirius thought. Even so, Sirius found himself playing catch with Harry for a while, and they had gone through the entire alphabet twice. Sirius looked at his watch and realized it was a little past noon.

"Are you hungry, Harry?" Sirius asked, moving forward to pick Harry up.

As Sirius lifted Harry up, he felt Harry's nappy. It was heavy and soaked.

He walked to the closet and grabbed a fresh nappy and baby changing materials. He laid Harry on the floor and pulled the pants down and undid the nappy. Harry complied easily with the process.

"Look at my shirt!" Harry demanded, pushing his chest out to show it off.

"It's a very nice shirt, Harry. What animal is that?"

"It's a tiger! Rarr!"

Sirius laughed and reached for the wipes, only to realize he had forgotten them in the closet.

"Don't move, Harry," Sirius said as he walked back to the closet.

He searched the closet and found the wipes in the back. He stood up too quickly, however, and smashed his head on the low ceiling.

"Shit," Sirius swore, backing out of the closet, rubbing at his throbbing head.

"Shit!"

Sirius froze at the tiny voice that had copied him, the pain in his head quickly disappearing. Had he heard that correctly? Sirius walked back to where he had left Harry, who hadn't moved from where he was.

"What did you say, Harry?" Sirius asked.

Harry smiled before yelling "shit!"

Severus is going to kill me, Sirius thought as he rushed forward and fell on his knees by Harry to continue changing the boy. Harry laughed at the new word he had learned and the reaction it brought out of Sirius.

"No, Harry," Sirius scolded. "It's not funny. You don't say that. It's a bad word."

"Bad word?" Harry asked.

"Yes, a very bad word."

"Shit!" Harry said again with a smile.

"No," Sirius pointed a finger at Harry, trying to sound as stern as he could. "Don't say it again."

"Shit," Harry said, giggling now and kicking his feet. "shit, shit, shit."

"Harry," Sirius growled. "Shh. Don't say that."

"Shh," Harry put a finger to his lip, recognizing one of the words Sirius said. "Shit."

Sirius dragged his hands down his face.

"Bloody hell, Harry, your father is going to kill me," he mumbled.

"Bloody hell!" Harry shouted happily.

"Harry, no!" Sirius was exasperated. Two new words taught by yours truly Sirius Black who will be facing the Grim Reaper in a matter of a couple hours. Well, technically three words. Even worse.

"Alright," Sirius thought. "How about some lunch? Can you say 'spaghetti?'"

Sirius hoped that taking Harry's mind off the new words and on something that had meaning to Harry would make the boy forget them.

"Spaghetti," Harry smiled. "Yum yum."

"Yes, yum yum." Sirius was relieved to not hear an obscenity.

Sirius finished changing Harry and set him up at the table in his booster seat. Sirius warmed up some spaghetti and placed a child friendly bowl in front of Harry. Lunch was messy for Harry, who ended up with spaghetti sauce all over him. After Harry ate his fill, the bowl of spaghetti ended up on Harry's head, noodles falling on his face and sticking in his hair.

"Bloody hell!" Harry screamed loudly as he pushed the bowl down on his head.

"Harry, that's not a nice thing to say," Sirius said as he removed the bowl and cast a cleaning charm on Harry with his wand. "It's naughty, very naughty."

"Bloody hell naughty," Harry said. "Bad word."

"Yes, it's a bad word."

"Bad word." Harry repeated. "Shit bad word too?"

"Yes."

"Daddy not like bad word."

"I'm sure he doesn't, so don't say them."

"I want my cup!" Harry exclaimed. "I want milk."

Sirius sighed, hoping Harry would forget about the words. "How do you ask for things?"

"Please."

"I think it's naptime," Sirius said, hoping that Harry would wake up with no memory of the words. He found Harry's sippy cup and filled it with milk and placed a drop of the calming draught in it. He gave the cup to Harry and lifted him out of the booster seat. He found a book on the floor and placed Harry in his lap to read it, sitting in the armchair.

"No," Harry took the book from Sirius. "Down."

Sighing, Sirius put Harry down and let him toddle away. Harry picked up a different book off the floor, dropping the other one, and walked back to Sirius.

"Up, up." Sirius lifted him. "Read this book."

Sirius looked at the title, The Alphabet and Numbers. How exciting. Sighing, Sirius opened the book and began, "The letter A. Apple. Ant . . ."

"I want my teddy bunny bear!" Harry shouted as he sipped on the milk.

"Okay, I'll go get it," Sirius said as he placed Harry in the seat and went upstairs to grab this teddy bunny bear thing. Remembering where Severus said it was, he found it in the boy's crib. It was a large stuffed rabbit, purple in color.

Sirius returned downstairs and gave Harry the stuffed animal and placed Harry in his lap once more.

"Let's keep reading," Sirius continued through the book, though it was very boring in his opinion. As he got to F, Harry, whose eyes were starting to drop, spoke up.

"Shit bad word?" he said in a questioning tone.

"Yes, Harry," Sirius answered, hoping that this would be the last conversation he had about the words. "it's a very bad word. You can't say it, okay?"

"Bloody hell bad word, too?"

"Yes, that one too. You can't use those words. So, don't say them around your father, okay?"

"Okay, they bad word. Me good boy. Where my blankie."

Sirius laid Harry on the couch and covered him up with the small, green blanket.

"Night night?" Harry looked up at Sirius with tired eyes.

"Well, not quite," Sirius answered. "Just naptime."

"Me love Uncle Sirius," Harry said, closing his eyes. Sirius smiled softly at Harry.

"I love you, too, tiger cub." Sirius placed a kiss on Harry's cheek.

Harry fell asleep fairly quickly, his stuffed rabbit in his arms and his thumb finding its way in his mouth.

Sirius left Harry there and finished reading the daily prophet, though he kept thinking about how Severus was going to react if Harry ever used those words around him. The man would kill him and then he'd never be allowed to speak around Harry again. For about an hour and a half, Sirius just sat at the kitchen table, reading and sipping tea, fretting over how he was going to explain his slip in his language around a toddler in his mockingbird phase.

The floo flared and he heard Severus's footsteps in the room.

Sighing, Sirius stood and walked back to the living room. He saw Severus staring down at a slowly waking up Harry, a smile on his face. Harry yawned and looked up at Severus.

"Daddy," Harry said sleepily, lifting his arms up. "Up, up."

"Hey, Sleepyhead," Severus lifted Harry to his hip. "Did you have fun with Uncle Sirius?"

"Me have fun," Harry rubbed at his eyes. "Miss Daddy."

Sirius figured he should make his escape now. He walked across the floor and towards the floo.

"Was he good for you, Sirius?" Severus asked him upon noticing him.

"Oh, yes," Sirius answered. "An angel. I have to meet with Remus so I'm going to take my leave now and I'll see you around."

"Thank you for watching him," Severus said, swaying slightly in a rocking motion as Harry rested his head on his father's shoulder. "I owe you one. Maybe head out for a drink some night?"

"Sounds good," Sirius said, his hand itching to reach for the floo powder.

"Say bye-bye Harry," Severus said.

"Uncle Siri bye-bye?" Harry looked up at Sirius and as if he remembered something, he looked at Severus. "Daddy, bloody hell bad word."

Severus blinked and looked at Harry, frowning slightly.

"Excuse me? What did you say, Harry?" Severus asked.

"Well, goodbye Severus. Bye Harry," Sirius grabbed a handful of floo powder and stepped up to the fireplace.

"Shit bad word, too," Harry told his father.

Severus's eyes widened and his mouth dropped.

"Sirius Black!" The man shouted angrily.

"12 Grimmauld Place, living room!" Sirius shouted. And he was gone.

Thank you for reading! Please review and tell me what you think. And, of course, if you have any ideas you'd like to see in a one-shot.