"Doubt"

Doubt.

Doubt was definitely a word that Liz felt encompassed a great portion of her life, as of late. Doubt in herself. Doubt in others. That, coupled with a heavy dose of distrust in humanity as a whole. Maybe she was just being whiny. Maybe she just needed to get over it and move on. Maybe?

But it was… something she was working on, wasn't it?

It was times like this, dreaming and sitting quietly in the Fade. In her own head. Dreaming. That she had time to think and mull over things. And she desperately missed that part of her that saw the light in other people. That saw something worth protecting. Worth saving. It clawed at her on the inside, most days. Some days it was just a dull ache, settling in her chest. A constant weight.

Liz gazed down at the twinkling metropolitan city in the middle of the night, the distant sounds of car horns echoing off into the distance. The lights were on in a lot of the buildings, polluting the night sky. Giant billboards with advertisements blinked and changed colors. Eye catching.

The breeze was but a soft caress on her face, long black hair shifting in the winds. It was a common occurrence, in her dreams. Usually taking place at night. This time, she was atop a skyscraper and breathing the air in with a content sigh. Liz stared up at the familiar stars in the sky, a few puffs of clouds moving by sluggishly.

The air tasted like nostalgia. Longing.

Things like this, she could get used to. She was in the Fade, she knew. Dreaming. And with a bit of concentration, she found that she could close her eyes and think about something she wanted to see. And it would be.

And she'd always wished to stand atop this tower. The tallest tower in the city, a shining beacon in the night from her backyard. So close, yet so far away. Unreachable. But now?

Her dreams before had been haunting, harrowing—hanging over her head like a looming cloud. Liz theorized that may have been the Nightmare demon's doing. Since Solas had helped removed the 'tether' keeping her there, she didn't have to relive her regrets. Her insecurities.

The horror's she'd faced since she arrived here. Just replayed over. And over. And over. Without end. It had been driving her mad. But now? She could dream in peace. And in return, actually sleep.

She didn't want to leave. Here, things were familiar. The Fade somehow felt… like home. Maybe it was the connection she had to the places she manifested. Earth. Minnesota. Her childhood home in Minneapolis. Her apartment on the Reservation. Here, in the Fade, she had it all back. If only for a little while.

It was… disheartening, to say the least. Because, underneath it all, she knew it was all fake.

Liz had people in the waking world, true, but she always felt a sort of disconnect toward them. Even Maxwell, who she did care for. But he was simply a constant reminder of her lie. Her secret. Of what she truly was. The only exception to this odd disconnect being Cole, who was always like a rock. Tethering her in place and keeping her in the present. Like an anchor in a storm, the waves roiling around her. Knocking her around and sending her tumbling. Gasping for breath.

Perhaps that was why she kept everyone at arm's length? She was just… afraid.

Uncertain.

The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she whirled around, coming face to face with Solas. The very same person who she'd just been thinking off. Odd, that.

"You were able to sense me? You certainly are getting better at this." He commented and Liz frowned, "May I?"

As he asked, she squinted and realized his form was kind of muted. Like he was there but not there. Ahhh. Liz nodded and held out her hand. Solas smiled and held his hand out as well. Their fingers met and his body slowly became solid. More colorful.

Then his eyes widened. First in horror. Then there was interest and scrutiny. For a few minutes, the man's eyes wandered, taking in everything. Much like a sponge. And she could feel it, the interest. Intrigue. Quicksilver eyes darting around at the tallest buildings in the distance. Ears twitching when a car horn beeped, followed by many others.

The light dancing across his face from the billboard nearby. Under normal circumstances, she would have felt uneasy about letting someone from this world in. But he already knew. So what's the point in keeping that secret? None, really.

"I take it you couldn't see until I let you in?" Liz said, blandly.

"How did you know it was me?" He asked, not looking her way. Gaze still fixated on the distance, then on the single moon in the sky. Barely concealed by the clouds, "I could have been anything. A demon, for instance."

As if. She felt enough of those to know the difference, by now.

"Demons and spirits feel different." She explained, "So do people. But even you feel different than people. Almost…. ancient. Power, just below the surface. Simmering, like a lid on a pot."

She'd meant for it to be a slight jab at his age. Because she called him Old Man, a lot. But… in all honesty? He did sort of give off that feel of age. Like he was centuries old, even. Which didn't seem to make sense to her, because he didn't look a day over 25. Then again, maybe elves aged differently? No. Not in this world. But then, underlying beneath it all…

She tilted her head.

That comment, however, seemed to make him tense. Not outwardly, but she felt it. Somehow. His icy gaze swiveled onto her, calculating. She could feel it in her bones. She didn't let it rattle her. At least not outwardly. She could feel the fear threatening to rip out from inside of her and cause a panic. But she reigned it in and nodded, gaze slipping to the sky.

Calm. If he wanted to harm her, he certainly would have a long time ago.

"I suppose I should thank you." She changed the subject, before she sighed, "For helping me escape that thing. It's been very quiet ever since then."

Solas was silent for a bit, as if contemplating. Liz was never too sure what was on the man's mind, "It seemed the right thing to do. Don't get me wrong, I was curious to study it. Figure out what it wanted of you."

"As one does..." She just turned away and looked around, "Do you have any idea why it might have wanted me, in the first place? I know that I am not… mortal. Which then begs the question, if I am not an appropriate vessel..."

Solas was quiet for a moment, taking in the sights. He even walked toward the edge, leaning on the railing and looking down down down. The street below had to have been 30 stories or more. She wasn't sure. Cars moved by at times, stopping and going at the lights.

"As I'd mentioned before, with the likelihood that it wished to bond with you. I would imagine that perhaps the Nightmare intended to keep you there. Whittle you down and in time, accepts it's offer." The elder mage seemed almost disgusted by the very thought, nose scrunching as he spoke.

"He was there, even when I was very little. I don't know how long I was in the Fade..." Or how old she even was, at this point, but that didn't matter, "But he feels almost familiar. Twisted, even. Demons weren't always demons, were they?"

She saw a sad sort of smile on his face, then. Proud at her realization, but mostly sorrow. She could taste it in the air, "You are correct. Oftentimes they are created when a spirit deviates from it's purpose and is corrupted."

"What was the Nightmare demon, then? Before..." She found herself asking, genuinely curious. She felt more pride, before he continued. Always eager to get into teacher-mode.

"It could have been many things. Any spirit, twisted the right way, can turn into a fear demon. Nightmare is just an older, and stronger, version of that fear. It could have been love, twisted from the fear of losing another—or even that loss, could have perhaps formed into Despair. Faith, or even peace. There are countless options and possibilities for why a demon might be the way it is." He explained, then turned to look at Liz. The younger mage tilted her head and leaned on the railing, "Bonds can make spirits, and by extension demons, more powerful. The same can be said about non-spirits. But that act has since been … lost."

Sorrow, sadness—suffering so bone deep that it splashes against her skin like cold water. An emptiness—loneliness—gnawing at the edges. And it's almost maddening. Her eyes narrow and she's unable to focus as the surroundings blur. It felt like she was going to fall into that void. That… that—Liz shivers as the wave passes and she shakes it off.

When her brown gaze focuses, once more, she notices Solas is looking away. The young mage shuddered, taking in deep breaths to steady herself. What was that? Why did she feel that? Was this… what he felt? Was feeling? But hiding? Holding back?

Why did it feel so similar to her own, but deeper. A chasm unable to be filled. A loneliness unable to be sated.

"You aren't alone, Hahren." She finds herself saying. An odd urge—no a need—to shield him and make sure he is okay passes through her. He is her friend, afterall.

She blinks. Crap. She called him—well damn. She supposed he was, at this point. Her Hahren. Her elder, which she respects and looks up to. No matter how scary he might be, sometimes.

"Aren't I?" She thought she heard him say, but it might have just been an echo. Just in her own mind. And it hurts to hear. When he turned back around to face her, expression schooled as he took on a business tone, "In any case, I am here at the request of Blackwall and the others. It has taken days, almost a week to find you. I am glad to see you yet live."

"Yes, we were lost at sea for days. Luckily the ship wasn't far from land and we got lucky. Almost a week, though?" How long had she been in the Fade?

"Indeed. Blackwall said the three of you went overboard. What of Cole and Sera? Do you know where you are located?"

"Er… no. I don't think I've yet to wake up, honestly. I just…. Everything seemed so heavy. And dark."

"If you don't mind, we can keep into contact this way. And the group can then learn of a way to reconvene at another location. As it may be unlikely at this point for you to reach Val Royeaux before we leave. It seems Maxwell isn't particularly… interested in the politicking."

"Very well, then. I accept these terms. Just. Remember to knock, first." Liz suggests, getting a small chuckle out of the man.

"Of course."

"How are things. The others, I mean. I recall hearing Blackwall calling out to me. But then Cole and Sera fell overboard… I just…." Liz trailed off.

"As well as can be, I suppose. At first, no one was sure how to inform the Inquisitor, since we had no idea if you three had lived." He explained and Liz looked down at her feet, thinking about a panicking Maxwell. Thinking his sister had died again. Her chest clenched a little in guilt. She was supposed to be protecting him, and here she is making things worse, "You had no control over your circumstance, I hope you know."

He'd spoken as if knowing of the guilt in her heart.

"I know." She muttered quietly. The young woman rubbed her arm awkwardly, refusing to make eye contact with her elder. She could feel his eyes on her, however. She just shrunk under his gaze as the thoughts swirled around in her mind.

"Though, I am curious. I've been nothing but cordial to you. Is there a particular reason you are so distant? So leery of my presence? Not that I expect you not to be…" A slight pause as he shifted and put his hands behind his back, "It was my understanding that we were friends."

'We are.' She thought, feeling sad. She thought of him as a friend. Yet she seemed to be keeping him, too, at arms length. She also had a sneaking suspicion on a few things, but there was no real way to prove her theories as of yet.

"Don't get me wrong, Solas. I think of you as a friend. You're a … respectable person, I think. But, you obviously have your own agenda. I can see it but I'm not sure what it is. I just don't want to get wrapped up in anything. Or get in the way of whatever it is you have your eyes set on." She explained, remembering all the times she's seen him squirreled away reading tomes or the lost and distant looks in his eyes. Planning. Looking forward. Intent. A strong… purpose behind his actions.

Or the sadness and loss that seemed to roll off of him, at times. Wanting—needing—to have something. But it was too far. Just out of reach.

Something niggled in her mind, just then. An idea that, perhaps, they were the same? But she shook it off. There was no way. But certain things didn't really add up, at times.

Solas seemed to pause at that, sizing her up then. She could feel him trying to push his energy upon her to get a better read of her, but she wouldn't let it. It just washed over her like air.

"Like that. Just now. You're always reaching for something. Trying to get ahead of others. Is it to try and keep yourself in a more advantageous position? Maybe… or… no." She was thinking out loud, then, "It matters not. Even though you went out of your way to invade my privacy, I'm not really the person to do the same. Nor to care, honestly..."

She could feel her surroundings fading and the buildings in the distance slowly beginning to destabilize. She blinked a few times and for the first time in minutes locked eyes with Solas. She could have sworn she saw that sadness, again. Loss. Before he, too, began to fade.

"I'll be sure to keep in touch." She heard his voice before she gasped.

Her eyes snapped open, breathing ragged. The first thing she noticed was the itchy but soft feeling of a bedroll beneath her. Or what she assumed was a bedroll. The fabric beneath her was soft, a fire crackled to her left. It would have been peaceful, had it not been for the whispered argument happening on the other side of the fire.

"I ain' eatin' that." Sera hissed and Liz suppressed the urge to groan as her head began to pound.

It was dark, the few clouds in the starry sky floating by lazily. None of the constellations looked the same. Unfamiliar. Her chest ached at the sight. The full moon lit up the treetops, making it easier to see. Liz's vision focused and she slowly turned her head, seeing Cole and Sera sitting on a log.

Cole was holding some sort of root he'd pulled out of the ground. Judging on his dirty his fingertips looked.

"You haven't even tried it." Cole said, looking as though he were about to pout, "Radishes are good. Do you know how to make stew? The traps might have a rabbit. Do you like rabbit, Sera?"

"Uuughh!" She threw up her hands. "Just go 'n check em then. And just leave me alone."

Cole mumbled something as he set the radish down near the log and a few other knickknacks. It looked as though they'd gotten some pots and some sleeping bags that lay near the fire.

"What'dja say, Creepy?"

"I said I was just trying to help." He spoke up, much louder this time. Something finally snapping in his chest, built up over days, "And I don't like it when you call me Creepy. It hurts my feelings."

"It hurts my feelin's." Sera mocked, "I ain't ever ask fer your help!"

"But I wanted to help..." He mumbled.

"Oh yeh, well maybe if ya didn't we wouldn' be in this stupid situation!" She yelled back out of anger, causing the rage to bubble in Liz's chest. What on earth? That was totally uncalled for!

"You … You would be dead, Sera. I couldn't…" His voice got even lower, a frown on his face. The hurt in his chest like a cold spear to the heart. Cole looked like a kicked puppy and it only seemed to irritate Sera even more.

"You ain' gotta act like that! Sa'll an act, yeah? Yer just a creepy Fade thing!" She nearly snarled, causing the young man to flinch at her words. Even Sera herself looked surprised that it came out of her mouth like that, blinking as she paused and stood up straight.

"I have feelings, too. I can get angry, sad and hurt. You know this. But… but you say awful things anyway. I was just trying to help! If I don't try, then you won't. She won't. Nobody will! I just… I'm trying… I want… I want…." Cole covered his face and his shoulders started to shake. Liz kept herself frozen on the ground, refusing to jump in and make things worse. "I just… want you guys to be happy."

His voice cracked as he said those last few words. He was crying. That much she could tell. Sera stood there staring at him with wide eyes, lips quivering. She looked as though she didn't know how to react to Cole's outburst.

"It's hard. I can't hear, I can't understand. I can't help. I can't I can't." He put his hands in his hair and curled inward, knees shaking. Liz could feel her chest aching, like everything was weighing down on her all at once. Her throat closed up and her eyes started to water as he continued his tirade, "How can I help if I can't hear? How can I help if I can't understand? I-I—"

"Hey, now. 'Ey." Sera spoke, voice uncertain. She was holding her hands up, as if trying to calm a frightened animal.

"But I scare you! I hurt you! I don't try. I don't want to! But I do!" His voice shook, slowly rising in volume. Liz slowly sat up, trying very hard not to snap. Speak his thoughts. The young man was hunched over and crying, sniffling as his face turned red.

Liz could feel her eyes narrowing when she felt the waves of guilt and pain entering her chest. Cole's whispered thoughts drifting by,

'Why why. Why can't I do anything right? Why… why am I so different? Why can't I just be normal?' Were some of the loudest ones. Others, more faint. Overlapping. Bundled and harder to decipher, 'If I wasn't me wouldn't I be able to help more? If I wasn't this? Human...Thing? Am I right? Am I okay? What am I? Am I really a person?'

His self doubt seemed to snap something inside of her, just then. Like a wave of furious energy whirling up, burning her throat and eyes.

"Someone tries to go out of their way to help you, and this is what you do?" Liz sounded absolutely livid. Sera's attention snapped to her, eyes wide in surprise. The little mage continued, voice like a growl, "Cole could have gotten himself killed by trying to save your stupid ass, and you're still acting like he's out to get you. To be honest? If it were me, I would have just let you fucking drown."

Even Liz was surprised by the amount of malice that made its way into her tone. But she couldn't find it in her to care, right then. Sera's confusion and concern quickly morphed into irritation—followed by anger.

"Like you 'ave any right to say shite! Yer nothin' but a coward! A fecking COWARD!" Her accusation seemed only to stoke the fire.

"I have every right to say whatever it is I'd like, Sera. In the very least, I haven't gone out of my way to make people feel like crap." Liz snarled, standing up. She shook off the dizziness of standing so soon after sleeping.

The elven archer put on a sardonic smile just then, "Ooooh, yer right. Is not the words, no. But ya leave yer friends to die, instead! I almost forgot!"

She laughed at Liz, though not with any mirth. Her laugh sounded pained, almost sad, at the thought of their mutual friend. But Liz didn't seem to notice.

"I've thought time and time again that I'd maybe try to explain why it is that I left when I did, but I know now that even if I did. You wouldn't listen." Liz grit her teeth with a glare, "You wouldn't even try to understand. You probably don't even have the capacity." Her eyes narrowed, "And here you are, almost getting Cole killed. And yet? You shun him and treat him like trash. Does that make you any better than me? A murderer? A coward?"

"Shut up shut up!" Sera ripped the radish out of Cole's hands, then turned and chucked it at Liz. Cole looked shell shocked, especially as Liz caught it and grinned almost demonically. Lightning encased her arm and the radish exploded into burnt bits. Sera turned pale. Cole stood up, eyes reddened from crying. "You never cared about her! You only care about yourself!"

Her words were like ice, cutting through her. The same words Cole had once said to her. Clouding her mind and tearing at her on the inside.

'What have you ever truly done that has mattered? That has changed things for the better? You look forward and only think of yourself.' He had said. She barely registered the very obvious flinch back as if he'd heard it, too. Horror on his features.

"Li-" He started, pain and sorrow painting his tone.

"You know what, Sera? You're right." Liz spoke over Cole, taking a step forward and letting her magic light up the darkened campsite in hues of blue and purple. Something boiled deep in her gut, then. A dark, almost thick and gross feeling. Threatening to consume her, "I am a murderer. But I am no longer a coward. Would you like to see what happens when I get backed into a corner? Do you want to know what would have happened that night?"

Sera took a step back, eyes darting around.

She was afraid.

'She should be' Liz thought darkly. Cole did say to tell her and try to explain things. What better way than to… show her? The mage could feel an almost malevolent smirk crossing her face at the thought. Yes. That would do nicely.

She went to grab her bow, but Liz flicked her wrist and the thing lit up like a Christmas Tree. It didn't even occur to her that she'd done so with ease and swiftness without her staff as a focus. Sera yelped and it dropped at her feet. The elf tripped on a log and fell backward on her butt. Her eyes were wide with terror as Liz stopped, looming over her.

Memories of that young man she'd scared into submission wriggled forth. His wide and terrified eyes, as if he were looking up at a demon. Just moments before she tore him apart. Blue light seemed to dance across Sera's horror stricken face, much like that day, the electricity dancing across Liz's body dangerously.

"You would be dead. Maybe it would have been for the best. I mean. Auri was already dead. Why not add another to my list?" Liz tilted her head, eyes wide.

She could have sworn she heard Cole talking quickly, but it felt like it was behind glass. Her ears covered in cotton and the only clear thing was the panic rolling off of Sera, in that moment.

'Maybe it would have been for the best? Why even fight it? Isn't it just nature, by now? It's just what I am. What I've become.' The thoughts in her head whirled, like a storm. And she had a thought, just then. What if she just killed Sera right here? Then she wouldn't have to feel the wracking guilt of being unable to protect another one of her friends. It would, afterall, only be another body added to her long list at this point.

Just seeing Sera always caused the pain to manifest. If she removed that trigger, then she wouldn't have to think about it. She wouldn't have to—

Her world went tumbling. A weight barreled into her, knocking the wind out of her as she crashed onto the ground. Her shoulder scraped against the dirt and she felt strong hands holding her down. When Liz opened her eyes, she was staring into Cole's furious ones. Her arms were pinned at her sides, his legs pinning her in place, hands on her shoulders. The energy from her spell danced around his body, too. Sparking and cracking harmlessly. Registering him as her.

Irritation shot through her, just then. How dare he?

"What are you doing? You can't hurt Sera! You can't—won't become that again! You promised!" He yelled.

"And why not, Cole? What's the God's damned point? What's the point in all of this? I can't even—I can't... I couldn't… I can't even protect those… I-" Sorrow tore through her chest and she let out a wail, trying to stomp down the feelings that she'd been burying all this time. Sweep it under the rug—sweep it under-

It wouldn't.

Sera was still staring at her in horror. Liz could still see, from her position underneath Cole, as he held her down. She thrashed and tried to move to leave. Get away. Get away. She could feel it building up in her chest, threatening to expand. To explode. 'I need to leave!'

Then she wouldn't have to think about it. Don't think about it. Don't-

Don't.

She failed. She failed them all. Her sister, falling from the window. Burnt and afraid. Erin, when she came to this world—who was now a burnt husk. No one able to mourn her passing because of her. Cole, back in the White Spire—all alone and forgotten. Auri, Erin's childhood friend. Bleeding out on the ground, eyes blank as Sera screamed for her to come back. Maxwell—Maxwell would still have his sister if she was just good enough. She wouldn't have to pretend. Pretend to be this. Some sick mockery of his love and devotion.

And Athras. Athras Athras Athras. Her Hahren. Last days, likely spent alone in his shed coughing. Dying. Alone. Alone. Alone. Then...then...Burnt on the ground. Dead by her own hand. Eye sockets empty. Gone. If she'd just stayed behind. If she'd just kept in touch. If if if if IF.

If only she were good enough.

Liz saw Cole's mouth moving, eyes frantic but refusing to let her go. The young mage could still hear her own voice, an agonized screech echoing through the forest. Everything just felt like it was too much. Too much. It just hurt so much. Too much.

It was all just too much.

Cole

(Moments ago)

He'd just been watching them argue, unsure of what to say or do. Sera was hurting, he could hear it singing a broken song in her heart. Liz, too. He knew that people, when they were hurting a lot, would sometimes lash out at one another. Sometimes hurting and tangling the threads, creating knots upon knots.

How was he supposed to help?

They just kept yelling at eachother. He just wanted them to be happy. To make amends. Even just learning to eventually tolerate eachother was better than this.

Cole felt anxiety rise in his chest when he saw Sera chuck the radish at Liz, only for her to catch it and make it explode in her hand. And then guilt. Soul crushing guilt as he heard his own words played back into his own mind after Sera said something to Liz.

'What have you ever truly done that has mattered? That has changed things for the better? You look forward and only think of yourself.'

He wanted to cry.

And that guilt turned into panic when Sera pulled out her bow, only for it to become electrically charged and fall to the ground.

Then the next moment, Liz was standing above a terrified Sera. Threatening her. Wanting her dead. He could hear it, a discordant melody inside of her. Before, it had been muted, stagnant. Now her aura was rotating, roiling—rumbling like a distant typhoon. About to erupt.

Then, he heard it.

She wanted to kill Sera.

It felt like a rock dropped in Cole's stomach. Especially after having that thought, her eyes lit up with pure white. Glowing even brighter than the lightning that danced across her body. She made to extend her arm and he felt it, the mana building in her palm to release the lightning bolt. Aimed at Sera.

The blonde rogue didn't even think, he tackled her and pinned her to the ground. The lightning bolt discharged from her hand, 'CRACK!'

He heard the sound of a tree creaking and falling over, followed by the sound of fire crackling. His ears were ringing, muting any other sound. But he could hear the young elven archer screaming, looking at the tree. Or, remnants of it.

"What are you doing? You can't hurt Sera! You can't—won't become that again! You promised!" He yelled, her eyes still glowing white as she struggled beneath him. At the sound of his voice, the white in her eyes dimmed and he saw her irises. Though the sheen remained.

He could feel it, like it was building in his own chest. Liz's feelings. The guilt. The pain. The want to just end it all. For everything to just be… gone. If everything was gone, she wouldn't hurt. If Sera was gone, she wouldn't hurt. Why why why.

"And why not, Cole? What's the God's damned point? What's the point in all of this? I can't even—I can't... I couldn't… I can't even protect those… I-" Sorrow tore through her chest and she let out a wail. Cole suppressed the urge to scream too, gripping onto her shoulders in desperation.

"No no no no." He held onto her tightly, "Sera didn't mean it, she is hurt. Just like you. You have to see! She didn't mean to hurt you, too. Not like this! We can talk and it will be okay, you see? Sera is just scared. Please don't—please don't leave us!"

He could feel it slipping. Something. He wasn't sure what, but it felt like the longer she continued to lament on her failures… the further away she seemed.

"It's wrong. Wrong wrong. All wrong. You're seeing it wrong! They don't—they don't hurt you. You are enough. You tried. You really did try! Sera doesn't know how hard you tried. She doesn't see. She would, if you'd just talk! Don't just—just leave!" Tears were welling up in his eyes as he yelled, trying to get through to her. Liz's screams died down, if only a little. But he could feel something building underneath him. In her stomach. "Wha-"

Everything exploded. It was like an invisible force punched him in the stomach, sending him sailing into the air and into the tree. The last thing he saw was Sera's body tumbling into a bush nearby.

Then darkness.

"Demon-y bullshite…."

He awoke to hear murmuring. Cole cracked open his eyes, wincing at the sight of the sun. It was already daylight?

He turned, seeing Sera in the midst of packing things up and looking absolutely done with everything. Her hair was disheveled, leaves and dirt smeared on her face and in her hair. He was laying on the bedroll. When he went to sit up, he winced and looked down. Cole wasn't wearing a top, but his chest was bandaged. A bloody spot stuck out on his side, causing him to wince.

"Good, yer awake. Get up now, and let's leave." Sera said, still in the midst of packing the bag they'd gotten from a nearby farmer.

"Go? But where is Liz? We can't just leave her!" His voice cracked from strain and he winced.

"Liz? Why do ya even call 'er that. 'er name's Erin, ain't it? It doesn't matter. Leave 'er behind. She went all demon-y and glowy. Mad, I tell ya! We are leaving. Now."

"No!"

"Yes. We ain't know where she went, anyway. She was there, then she wasn't. What's it matter? She left you, just like she left… know what? Don't matter." She turned, glaring at the charred spot where she'd been laying.

Cole felt tears build in his eyes as he looked at the dirt where he'd pinned her down. He remembered the magic building up, then sending him flying. Upon closer inspection, the only damage was the tree that got destroyed by her lightning bolt and the small spot where she'd been laying.

She wouldn't just leave him, right? Right?

He looked around, reaching out to try and discern her location. But … nothing. He tried pulling on the thread, but it was dark. Muted. Like she'd put up a wall.

He couldn't stop it, then. At the blatant way she'd shut him out. And the fact that's she'd run. From him. He started to cry, tears falling as he hiccuped and curled in on himself. His hands made their way to his hair, tugging and yanking. Trying to distract from the feeling in his chest.

Why? Why did she do this? Why did it have to happen this way?

'If only I'd tried harder. Maybe if I was different, I would have known the right words to say?'

He could feel himself starting to spiral, again. Into that rabbit hole of despair. It wanted to seep into him and consume him. Become him.

Then, a hand upon his shoulder. He felt it buzzing, then. Sera was… feeling uncertain. Sympathetic? He looked up, eyes red and snot dribbling. He sniffled, and wiped at his face. Hating that he was like this. He should be helping them, not … not like this.

"I'm sorry… Sera. I just. I made everything worse, didn't I? Solas said I am Compassion. I help. But I can't even do that." He felt a saddened laugh bubble forth. No, he was like some mishmashed version of the two. Compassion, yet Despair—clinging at his insides and tearing to get out.

"'ey, look. Ya did….. good… kay? That was a fucked situation. And… I mean-" Awkwardness rolled off of her, though the fear was still there. He wasn't sure if it was because of him or Liz, "What I mean ta say is. Thanks for savin' my arse."

"She was wrong. She was hurting, too. But that doesn't mean it's okay to hurt people. She—she wanted to hurt you." Cole looked stricken at the memory, lip quivering, "That isn't her. It isn't her."

Sera just looked away, in some attempt to hide the rage in her eyes. But Cole could still feel it. Especially now that she had her hand on his shoulder. She just shook her head and gave him a pat before she stood back up from her crouch. Then slung her backpack over her shoulder, "I dun wanna talk about it right now. Let's go."

Cole winced as he stood up and Sera held out, what looked to be, his mangled shirt. He didn't fail to notice the bloody branch on the ground near where he was laying. Nor the dirty bandages or the bloodied state of Sera's leggings. Not her own blood.

She'd helped him.

Normally it would have made him feel happy. And it did. But his shoulders slumped at the thought of just who had hurt him like this.

He followed Sera wordlessly as she moved through the brush, a compass in her hands and a map in the other. She kept looking around and squinting. They moved and moved, until they came to the edge of the beach again. The one they'd left in favor of trying to make their way toward the road.

"Urrrghhh!" Sera shook the compass angrily, "It ain't workin'! We got all turned around an' shite!"

A bit of hopelessness hit Cole, just then. They'd been traveling all day, but made no progress. It was one of the reasons why they didn't just carry Liz and make their way toward the road while she was asleep from exhaustion. Liz was the only one that could navigate the wilds with ease. Sera was a city elf and had little experience of the deep forest. Cole? He always stuck to the roads, too. Seeing as how no one ever did see him, anyway.

It went on for days. Cole couldn't stop thinking about where Liz might be or why he couldn't feel her. No matter how much he tried. It was very obvious that she intended to keep it that way. Most nights he cried himself to sleep. He didn't miss the worried glances from Sera. The sadness in her eyes, too. But also the anger. The simmering, boiling anger. Though he knew it wasn't directed at him.

It was on the third night when they camped, that Sera finally spoke up, "Why do ya even care? She obviously left ya. Both of us. In this stupid forest. An' I ain't know my way around. I ain't all elfy 'n shite."

They were sitting near the fire, a small lean-to built with the one bedroll they'd been sharing. Not together, of course. Taking turns sleeping on it, while the other was on watch. The sky was dark, the clouds covering the stars above.

During these passed few days, he could have sworn he saw a crow. The same crow. Always following them in the skies. Sometimes sitting on a branch. Watching. Or perhaps it was his hopes. Hoping that she wouldn't just abandon him like that. Maybe she just needed some time to cool off? Maybe… just maybe she just needed to think. He didn't know.

Maybe it was just denial.

Cole refused to believe it was denial. He had faith she would come back when she was ready. He wasn't going to let her off the hook, by any means. There were to be words. The Iron Bull always told him that in order to keep a relationship stable, there needed to be strong communication. That had been… an odd conversation to have. After he'd realized he had feelings for Liz.

He frowned at Sera's question, eyes dropping to the ground beneath them. If Liz wouldn't talk to her, he would try. She should have been the one to do it. But at this point, after what she did to Sera with the threats, he doubted they could ever be on 'good' terms. Or even tolerate one another.

He saw that, now.

"She was scared. Scraping—scratching at her sanity. Everything. 'Too much. Too much! Please make the pain stop!' But she wouldn't let me help. She hurt you. I'm sorry." He said, anyway. Finding the words leaving his mouth without his consent. He truly did feel sorry. What Liz had done to Sera was bad. Really bad.

"So, a coward then."

"Wouldn't you?"

"Wouldn't I what?" She scrunched her nose.

"Run. Power, uncontrolled. Whirling like a typhoon, threatening to burst. Like a dam." He held up his hands, "Cracking. If it breaks, everyone close to you dies. Gets hurt. Everyone only sees a monster, mage...something not human. And she believes them. Believing makes it more real. If she didn't, she wouldn't. Hurt."

"Even after she threw ya at a tree, ya still defend her. Eh?"

"Wouldn't you? Jade stabbed you, once."

"Tha' was one time! She wouldn't—didn't-"

"She wanted to kill Solas in cold blood. We had to stop her." Cole spoke, eyes darting from his shoes to her face. His blue eyes were hard. Sera's face morphed into surprise, brows scrunching. She didn't want to believe him. But even Sera wasn't blind to the unstableness of Jade's ways of thinking, "And you, too. You killed him, but he wasn't the right one. That noble. 'Shite, no. His brother? No nono. Why were you here?'"

Sera hissed an intake of breath, "W-Would you stop that! I should jus' leave ya here. Why'd I even let you follow?!"

"Everyone makes mistakes. If she makes a mistake, it could mean death, disaster—destruction. She wants to protect, but… but…" His shoulders slumped and he looked at the ground, the fire crackling in front of them as they sat alone in the night. He played with the frayed ends of his long sleeve, feeling the rock settling in his stomach again. "….She's lost."

'So am I.' He thought, forlorn.

"Ain't we all." Sera dropped it, after that. Glaring at the fire pit like it had personally wronged her somehow.

That morning, he awoke to his stomach nearly screeching at him to eat. They'd been eating berries and roots they'd found that Cole knew, from what he remembered of Liz's books, were edible. It was simple enough to find water and heat it up to drink, seeing as how they were sticking to a stream now. Following it away from the Waking Sea. The stream was flowing toward the Sea and offered freshwater. Which was nice.

Sera emerged from the thicket of the trees, holding up what looked to be a nug. She had a proud look on her face, "Cole! Look what I got! Food!"

Cole suppressed a wince. He liked nugs. Then his eyes brightened, realizing what she just said.

"It's Cole, now?" He nearly beamed up at her from his spot on the ground, but tried to suppress the urge to jump up in happiness. Sera's face turned pink.

"Oy, stop it will ya! Le's just get this on the fire." She then began grumbling as she skinned it, eyes darting to look at him almost skeptically a few times. But he could feel it was just an act. Soon enough, the nug was roasting on the fire.

Cole's stomach was nearly screaming for sustenance. Especially now that he could smell it. The scent wafted I his nose and his mouth watered, 'Sorry, nug. Thanks for feeding us.'

If things continued the way they did, they would be too weak to continue on. Or defend themselves should danger present itself. The duo was already stuck with only their weapons and no armor.

The morning was crisp, the air starting to warm up as the sun slowly made it's ascent into the sky. Sera roasted the nug over the open fire, with some sort of makeshift spit that she'd learned to craft. Thanks to Bull. It creaked and creaked as she turned it and he found himself getting impatient.

It wasn't long until the two were tearing into the nug like ravenous wolves. Cole normally had a hard time tasting things. But for whatever reason, this nug was the best thing he'd eaten in his whole life. Heedless to the snickers from the blonde elf, he continued to devour the nug. Juices from the meat dribbling down. He was making a mess, but he didn't much care for that.

It wasn't until the two were nearly done that they saw smoke rising in the distance. Cole gulped, setting the bones on the ground for the scavengers. Sera was still busy picking at her food when he pointed up, "Sera, do you see that?"

"Wha'?" She turned, face smeared with grease from the meat. Her eyes widened and she stood up, snatching her bow and quiver, "Forest fire? Shite. Shite! I don't wanna get burned alive!"

"...No. Do you hear that?" Cole strained to hear, barely able to make out the sounds of the screams in the distance. He looked around, but found that crow already gone.

If there were a time he wished he still had his ability to hear, it was now. If only… if only! He could ask the trees what the smoke was. Or hear the hurts of the people screaming.

Cole kicked the dirt on the fire, putting it out before they began running through the foliage. Sticks snapped. Branches swung back as Sera darted forth, making a beeline toward the smoke. Head snapping upward to make sure she was going in the right direction. Cole stumbled a couple of times, nearly falling in a bush. But he kept himself upright.

Then they broke through the underbrush and into what looked to be a field. Cole's eyes widened at the sight of people running down, what looked to be, a small beaten trail. Horses were running free, freaking out and whinnying. The houses. They were all on fire. Trees nearby were ablaze, having caught from the nearby buildings. A few villagers in the fields looked to have been attacked, blood seeping into the soil. Dead.

"Shite. What's goin' on?!" Sera notched an arrow and jogged forward, eyes alert. Cole followed, keeping her back protected.

Then, they saw it. They both stopped and Cole almost didn't want to believe what he saw just then.

Liz was in the middle of the main square of the small farming village, body encased in lightning and eyes glowing white. Men surrounded her, armed to the teeth. Maces, swords, greatswords. Most were wearing at least a breastplate of some sort. Some even in fullplate. They seemed frantic. Some were even running, screaming in terror.

It all happened slowly as she turned and held her hands out, clasping her hands into fists as everything around her slowly began to light up. Even from where he was, Cole felt his hairs rise as electricity filled the air.

The armor that the men were wearing acted as a conductor. She wasn't even using her staff, which lay untouched. Slung upon her back. The little mage made no noise when lightning shot from both of her hands, connecting with one of the men. Branching to another. Then another. Then another. All ten of them began to scream and seize up. The chain lightning continued as she seemed to pour even more mana into it. Cole could have sworn he saw a man's face began to melt.

He felt sick.

She didn't even stop, even after a few were nothing more than charred husks.

It was then that he noticed the charred bodies around her. Some laying near the houses. Horses, too. Dead.

"She's gone completely mad!" Sera screeched, looking like she wanted to run.

Cole didn't know what to say. He tried to tug on the thread, hoping she would respond. The only response he got was the slow turn of her head in their direction, hair floating as the energy flowed around her. Then her eyes dimmed as her spell ceased.

'She… she didn't do this. Right?'