10: Full Time

Arms wrapped around his lean shape, Astrid found herself bathing in Hiccup's warmth and feeling the shift of his muscles as he flew Toothless. They weren't going straight back to the village but the long way round, because Hiccup knew he owed Toothless a proper flight-and Astrid a longer explanation.

"I missed you," he said honestly, leaning slightly as Toothless banked then soared up above the island. The dragon gave a happy warble and the young man smiled, his hand tenderly stroking the top of the dragon's head, feeling the vibration of the warble. "Yeah, you too, bud," he added in an amused voice. "Even though you never really left my side…" Astrid's lips stretched in a smile at the familiar dialogue-even though one of the participants couldn't speak.

"I missed my best friend," she reminded him. He paused and his head bowed.

"I-I can't explain how…awful I felt in pushing you away," he explained, his voice a little shaky. "But when I was going through the whole being hunted ordeal, I kept getting away and everyone but everyone was stronger and better than me and they all recaptured me. And I just wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough to get away. And when…" His breathing hitched. "When Ryker had me dragged into his office, he told me that you weren't coming, that it was too late. That Viggo was going to plunge the sword into my heart himself when we got back to their base…and nothing I could do would stop it. And then he…"

"Hiccup-you don't have to…" she reassured him, laying her head against his shoulder. Her arms tightened slightly around him because she could feel him shake.

"He tortured me. He abused me. He cut me. And throughout it all, he kept talking, Astrid! Everything he did, he told me was my own fault because I was too weak, because I was worthless. That I was a traitor and I was his. And that my only place was with them because you hadn't come for me so you didn't want me. And as he tortured me, as I screamed and tried my hardest to resist, all I could hear was his voice, sneering that after all I had done, I was nothing. And I was going to die, alone and unmourned and my dead body would be pitched into the sea. No one would ever find out what happened."

"Hiccup…"

"And I can still hear him," he said brokenly. "I could hear him whispering filth and sneering and telling me that he would send bounty hunters after you and Dad, that he would ravage you and kill you and send you back to me dead. That he would kill our dragons and keep me as his slave. That he would…he would…and I knew I had to stop him. I had to work, I had to become better with the sword, I had to plan and attack and undermine everything they had and stop them. And you were right, I had to take revenge on Ryder what everything…but no matter what I did, nothing silenced him. Because I knew he had broken me, had snapped my spirit."

"It's okay," she whispered. He shook his head and his shoulders were jerking now.

"When…he raped me, I told him everything about the defences on the Edge," he whispered. "Not Berk. Never Berk. And I-I had to try to stop him because it was just…shattering…but he…didn't…" She gently reached up and stroked her hand through his hair. His breath was coming in shuddering sobs and she realised this wasn't a hurt he had shared with anyone. Nor could he. Hiccup was a brave, determined, stubborn young man but he was just one lone Viking-and Ryker's actions had been calculated to brutally dominate and degrade his prisoner as a prelude to his death. Neither Grimborn intended for Hiccup to live and both wanted to destroy him as cruelly and swiftly as they could. Ryder's 'very direct' means had done immeasurable damage to her friend, both physically and psychologically. But also socially. If this got out…he was done. They both knew it and his violent quest for vengeance was his only possible response to the man who had taken everything from him, short of his life. Heart bursting with pity and sorrow, she stroked his soft, tousled hair again. As she repeated the action, he sighed and pressed against her gentle touch.

"You cut out the braids," she said softly. That had worried her when she had noted it because she had braided his hair-just a couple of tiny braids behind the right ear. It had been a joke and he had whined and moaned but had always kept them and she had diligently rebraided his hair when they began to grow out or got scruffy. He nodded.

"Didn't deserve them," he admitted. "They showed I was a member of the Tribe, a Viking. That I belonged to you. But I really was nothing. No one. So I removed them." He gave a shuddering sigh. "I had to cut all ties with you-because I had to be ruthless and brutal and cruel-just like them. Because I couldn't let them imagine you meant anything to me. Because I had to hurt them. And it wasn't me. And every time, as I cut away more and more pieces of my life, Ryker's voice got louder and louder about how worthless and weak I was. About how much you despised and hated me. About how you wanted to leave me to die."

"Because you silenced your friends, cut away the support from the people who cared for you and just left your doubts and insecurities to pick at you," she told him gently. "That was what Ryker was-every insecurity and uncertainty you ever had, rolled into one brutal package that haunted your nightmares."

"Except I'm pretty sure I was awake when I heard him," he pointed out quietly, feeling Toothless croon worriedly. "Yeah, I know, bud. You heard me talking to him. You looked pretty worried sometimes." She stroked his hair again before wrapping her arm around his chest once more.

"Hiccup, you suffered a horrible trauma," she realised. "Being hunted, abused, hauled around, handed over like commodity, taken to be murdered-that would be enough to freak anyone out-even someone as stubborn as you. And though you are very brave, you had to be scared-especially when you ended in Ryker's hands and it all seemed hopeless. And when he started hurting you with no hope of rescue…Gods, I wouldn't have coped."

"You saw me when you came," he sighed. "I-I thought you were a vision, a hallucination caused by the pain…but when you touched my face, when you freed me…I allowed myself to hope…and then the knife hit me and I knew…I knew I was going to die…and I never got to tell you…" He stopped, his voice fading to a whisper.

Toothless banked and Hiccup's foot moved without any conscious thought, landing them above the Chief's House, right at the top of the village. He unclipped his metal foot from the pedal as Astrid slid from the Night Fury's back and waited for him to come to face her. And as he stood, she saw the pallor in his face, the redness of his eyes and the dampness on his faintly-freckled and bruised cheeks. She stared up into his shining emerald eyes, her fingers softly threading through his hair as she stroked his cheek.

"Tell me," she urged him gently. He swallowed and she could feel the surge of warmth under her hand as he blushed. He shook his head.

"It doesn't matter any more," he told her softly. "There's no hope."

"Tell me anyway…" she asked him. He nodded extremely self-consciously.

"Um…I sort of thought and maybe hoped you knew already though Gobber had already told me-um, lots of times, by the way-that people need to hear it said," he rambled, his emerald eyes wide with anxiety. "I love you, Astrid. I have for ever. And I know you can't really want anything to do with me and I get that with the way I behaved and what happened and everything but if we could at least be friends again, I may just maybe get over this-but not over you-possibly by the time I'm eighty…" She gave a small, indulgent smile.

"Hiccup, you mutton-headed lunatic," she scolded him gently. "Of course I love you." His eyes widened and he stared at her, his mouth working soundlessly for a moment.

"Um-you do?" he managed to get out after a few seconds. She nodded.

"Why do you think I wouldn't give up on you-even when you were behaving like the biggest ass this side of the Hunter's base camp?" she asked him dryly. "Remember-you're not weak-because you have the smartest brain and the biggest heart and the craziest friends in Midgard!" He nodded and swallowed. Then she gave a small smile and grasped his tunic, pulling him towards her. "And the fiercest girlfriend," she added in a whisper. He gave an astonished smile, his expression almost disbelieving that he was hearing the words. But her azure eyes were half-lidded, staring up at him with expectation and desire so he leaned forward and with a silent prayer to Thor, he pressed his lips on hers in a soft and very sweet kiss. It only lasted a few moments, but when he pulled back, there was a smile on her lips.

"You know-that's the first time you've ever kissed me? What took you so long?" she asked him breathlessly, leaning close to him and staring up into his flushed face.

"Um…I wanted it to be perfect," he admitted ashamedly. "And after everything…I knew it never could be…" And I don't deserve you. I probably never will. Especially after everything. She rested her head against his shoulder and he very cautiously wrapped an arm around her.

"Life often isn't perfect," she reminded him. "But it is precious and sometimes far too short. We almost lost you to those bounty hunters-and to the Grimborns afterwards. If you wait for perfection, you may miss your chance, mutton-head. But being here, with you, in our home village and with our dragons…it's pretty much as perfect as we could get." She lifted her head and stretched up on her toes, kissing him again and this time, he kissed her back with a little more confidence. As she pulled back, he was smiling.

"Being with you anywhere is perfect," he admitted, their faces inches apart. "I…"

"HEY!"

"And that happened," he sighed as he heard steps approach. Taking a deep breath, he pulled his shoulders back and turned to face the others, who had seen them land. Hiccup faced five very unfriendly faces, a variety of scowls and narrowed eyes as he swallowed and self-consciously rubbed the back of his neck. The bruising on his cheek throbbed from Snotlout's punch as he faced his cousin.

"Um…hey…" he managed quietly. Astrid walked to stand at his side, folded her arms and stared at the others. Snotlout ignored her and lurched forward, jabbing Hiccup hard in the chest with his finger. The taller young man flinched, backing up a pace.

"You! You've got a nerve, turning up here!" he snarled, jabbing. Hiccup grimaced.

"Ow! I do actually live here, Snot!" he protested. "But I'd like to explain. To you all!" His eyes lifted and appealed to his friends and though the twins scowled, Heather and Fishlegs reluctantly nodded. Snotlout glared into the pale face and pulled back a pace, his arms folded.

"This had better be good, cuz," he growled and Hiccup took a deep breath. This was even worse than when he had concealed Dagur from the gang, the shame he had felt at lying to them, at betraying their trust paling into insignificance against what he had done. "Because we tried to help you and you promised to be honest with us. But we almost died!" Guilt wracked him as he took a shuddering breath.

"I'm sorry," he said softly. "I…er…"

The others looked at him with a variety of exasperated looks.

"You gotta do better than that!" Ruff said snarkily. He nodded.

"Um…yeah, got that," he sighed. "Okay-I was complete mutton-head."

"No arguments here," Fishlegs commented coolly. Hiccup nodded.

"But…"

"Here it comes-the lame excuse…" Tuff whispered so loudly everyone heard. Hiccup's head bowed and he stopped…until Astrid gently moved closer to him, a hand gently drifting down to rest against his, fingers very tentatively touching against his. He lifted his eyes slightly and managed a very wan smile. Ruff elbowed her twin in the side and he yelped but his eyes widened as well as he saw the little gesture of affection. Snotlout, of course, missed it.

"Any time today!" he said sarcastically.

"I-I just couldn't cope with what happened," Hiccup said quietly. "Being snatched from the centre of the village itself where I should feel completely safe, bundled up like a package, passed from pillar to post. I tried to escape-Thor knows, I tried…but every time, I was captured and dragged back. Every time I was hit and tied up again. And every time, my best efforts just weren't good enough. And I got more and more desperate until…until I had to kill one of the bounty hunters…"

There was silence and Astrid's fingers twined with his. His voice betrayed his deep shame at the act.

"The masked viking. We were hanging off a cliff…well, I was and he was hanging onto my metal leg. My hand was slipping…so I untied my leg and kicked it off. He fell." He paused. "Of course, that didn't work anyway because I was hauled up by Ryker and punched unconscious." He sighed.

"I don't think you killed him," Heather pointed out. "We found your prosthetic on the top of the cliff when we got to Sleipnir Island. He must have survived and climbed up."

Hiccup gave a humourless laugh.

"Gods, I've been beating myself up and I couldn't even kill him! So I've been torturing myself over that for nothing," he said bitterly. "Though I made the decision which is just as bad…" And because I'd killed once, every time after hadn't seemed so bad…until now. Gods. I don't even know who I killed first… Probably just some poor guy who was doing his job and expected to go back to his family after his duty was done…

"It was his life or both of yours," Snotlout said unexpectedly. "It was the only thing you could've done…"

"But I ended up with Ryker," he said tonelessly. Astrid could feel the faint tremble through his hand and knew he was only holding up as well as he was because she was with him. He had dropped the facade he had erected as protection and had shed his armour: he was literally unprotected, totally vulnerable and facing his fears. "And…and he tortured me." He took a shuddering breath and the others realised the simple word didn't do justice to what their friend had suffered-they had all seen the state of him when they got him back. "I-I couldn't hold out. I told him about the defences of the Edge…" And he closed his eyes, his head bowed, expecting a tsunami of criticism and accusations. But what he wasn't expecting was a gentle hand handing on his shoulder.

"He's an evil, sardistic son of a troll," Snotlout said gravely, his eyes fixated on the ashamed face of his cousin. "Gods, if you couldn't hold out, what hope would any of us had? You're the stubbornest, most boar-headed, obstinate, headstrong, awkward, uncooperative, sarcastic person any of us know!"

"That's a lot of words for stubborn," Tuff whispered loudly.

"We're Vikings," Fishlegs reminded him. "We have stubbornness issues. Stubborn practically defines us."

"And Ryker is the most sadistic person in the Hunters," Heather sighed. "Viggo is the brains-but Ryker is the brawn. And he enjoys inflicting suffering." Hiccup nodded.

"And…I couldn't cope with everything. He told me I was so weak, so hopeless. So I-I couldn't own up to what I had done. I had to change myself, to make up, to become stronger…" Astrid shook her head.

"If we just needed muscle, we'd send for Snotlout," she reminded him clearly.

"You said it, babe!" the jet-haired teen said, flexing his biceps with a smug grin. Astrid rolled her eyes in a long-suffering manner and continued.

"Brute strength was never the answer to defeating them-because they will always outnumber us. Your strength was always your brain and your heart and your will. And your friends. Viggo feared us-and he targeted you as our leader because he needed you gone and assumed we would then give up. But we won't. What Ryker achieved was worse: breaking us apart, breaking our friendships and our togetherness. Being cold and cruel and critical would never work. We needed your understanding and compassion, your strength and determination to keep us together. We aren't an army, we're a band of dragon-riding Vikings. And that is unique."

"We're crazy and reckless," Ruff said proudly.

"Definitely crazy," Tuff added. "But for us, crazy works."

"We work as a team but can do our own thing when necessary," Heather added.

"We care about our dragons and each other-which means we will go further than they would expect to protect each other and our dragons," Fishlegs added.

"We're awesomely powerful and know how to use it," Snotlout nodded, kissing his biceps in turn. Astrid swallowed pointedly, looking mildly nauseated.

"And as a team, we have a clever, inventive, brave leader who can snatch plans out of nothing to save the day-or stop the Hunters," she told him. "We need Hiccup, not…whatever you were trying to become." Hiccup sighed.

"Hiccup's broken," he said very quietly.

"But he can be fixed," Ruff said unexpectedly. "You have helped every single one of us. Let us help you-just this once."

"H-what you did wasn't cool and you put me and my unawesome sister at risk-along with our considerably more awesome dragon," Tuff said. "But Thorstons are completely expert at messing up so you have every right to manage a huge mess once in a while-as long as you let us help you clear it up. Though if you ever mention this again or think this means we like clearing up, I will get Barf and Belch to fill your hut up with fish again!"

"Thanks, Tuff," Hiccup said wryly. "It took two weeks to stop the place stinking of…well, plaice."

"The point is that we aren't just a group of people, living on an outpost in the middle of the sea," Fishlegs said. "We're a family. And when you refused to share what was hurting you, when you changed into someone we couldn't like or trust or even understand, you broke that apart. But families stick together, no matter what. And though we're all quite rightfully angry-and we will find some things to do to make it up to us-we will forgive you, Hiccup. We all have our dragons, our lives and each other because of you. We'll help you get through this-together! But please don't ever keep something this big from us. If you are in trouble, if you feel you aren't strong enough, we are your strength, we're your armour, we're your shield."

"We are with you, no matter what," Heather confirmed.

"I-I don't know what to say…" Hiccup said softly.

"Sorry again might be okay," Snotlout suggested snarkily.

"And then thanks," Tuff added. Slowly, the auburn-haired rider lifted his head, his emerald eyes shining with gratitude and relief.

"Um…both of those. I really am so sorry that I've been a complete mutton-head and behaved so badly," he sighed. "I shouldn't have put you at risk. I should have told you what was going on. I shouldn't have withdrawn and been so-so horrible and cruel to you all. And we should have decided together what we were doing to stop the Hunters. And I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you are giving me another chance…"

"GROUP HUG!" Tuff shouted and leapt on Hiccup, knocking him to the ground. Ruff followed instantly, followed by Snotlout. Fishlegs and Heather shared a small smile-then launched themselves onto the pile of teens, leading to a pained grunt from Hiccup, who was at the bottom.

"Argh! Need…air…" he groaned. Astrid beckoned to the Night Fury as she wriggled in to wrap an arm around her new-and probably still secret-boyfriend in the maul the teens had produced. And even under the press of bodies, she felt his hand move and curl tenderly around hers. Toothless gave a small warble and wrapped his wings around the whole pile of riders.

"Now can everyone get off of me?" Hiccup said from the bottom of the pile after a minute. "I can't feel my good leg any more…"

"Tyrant…"

oOo

"Keep still!"

"Ow!" Hiccup tried to jerk away but Astrid was ruthless, her deft fingers tugging on the auburn hair and winding the soft locks into a small braid. He grimaced but remained still as she kicked his good leg. Then she found another hank of hair and swiftly completed the second braid. He gave a sigh of relief when she had finished. "Better, Milady?" he checked with a wry smile. She tilted her head and inspected him, then nodded.

"Definitely," she said firmly. "You finally look like Hiccup once more." He stood, self-consciously fiddling with the new braids and staring into her beautiful face. He had handed her his old braids when they finally got back to his house and to his astonishment, she had kept them, smiling that they were hers anyway-like their owner. With Gobber's help, he had repaired and improved his old leather armour, the fine Gronckle-iron reinforcements from his new armour removed and saved because he was sure he could find something to do with them-maybe in his Dragonfly 7. There was still a sword strapped to his hip, for Astrid had insisted on practising with him every day because she didn't want him to feel vulnerable again. He was already a good swordsman, but she could help him with his agility and with the problem she faced that none of his tutors did: being the smaller and slighter warrior against a much stronger opponent. And he had worked hard in the few days he had been back on Berk. The others had fought him as well, determined to help convince him that he was strong and capable and they had largely succeeded-even though the twins had gotten distracted and started fighting each other rather than Hiccup. His green eyes stared thoughtfully into hers.

"And that's a good thing?" he checked, his tone uncertain. Gently, she took his hand. He was still prone to brooding and tended to go quiet and mull over the tortures he had suffered and the shame that wracked him over his weakness, his subsequent change in behaviour and the deaths he had caused…and committed-but the moment she saw him start to withdraw, she headed for his side and made sure he knew he wasn't alone.

"I'm glad to have you back," she assured him. "I can't imagine a world without Hiccup. I can't imagine my life without you in it." He turned to completely face her, his hands dropping to rest lightly on her waist.

"And I can't imagine a world without you," he murmured gently into her ear. "Now that would be a living nightmare." He leaned forward and kissed her gently, her other hand rising to rest tenderly on his cheek. "And I've already tried it once-never again. There should always be a Hiccup and Astrid."

"Ready?" Fishlegs shouted and the two teens pulled apart swiftly, both blushing. They hadn't officially told their friends they were a couple and were still debating how to broach the subject. And mainly how to try to put it to Snotlout and the twins.

"COMING!" Astrid shouted as they scooted down the stairs in the Chief's House and out onto the green in front, seeing the loaded dragons, the Riders and his father and Gobber waiting. Stoick's eyes alighted on his son and he smiled widely. Hiccup had sat down with him-once he had gotten all the Riders off him-and had the conversation with the Chief that he should have had a month or so earlier. And the Chief had listened silently as his son had told him everything, admitted everything he had suffered and feared and thought and done. And then he had sat quietly, his head bowed, expecting to be disowned. But Stoick had just hugged him and gently scolded him for not telling his father, who loved him dearly, that he was in such distress.

"You are my son, Hiccup," Stoick said in a sad voice. "I am proud of you, no matter what those animals did to you. You fought all the way until you could fight no more. Astrid was right. You aren't me. I am a ferocious warrior. I can crush rocks. I can scare a dragon off with a glare. But only you could tame that dragon and get him to take you home of his own free will. You are Hiccup-and your weapons are brains and heart and will and leadership. You forgot that. But I am always here for you. I will do whatever it takes to protect you, son-no matter the cost. Don't try to be me or Ryker or Viggo. Be Hiccup. Be the son I am so proud of."

"Ready, son?" the Chief asked him and he nodded.

"As I ever will be," he admitted.

"Nervous?"

"As Hel," he added softly. A big hand landed heavily on his shoulder.

"You are never alone," the Chief reassured him. "Toothless, Astrid and the rest will always be there for you. And I'm only a quick dragon ride away."

"A quick day-long ride away," Hiccup muttered dryly.

"That's the Hiccup we know," Gobber commented. "C'mere, laddie!" He threw a huge hug around the lad, then handed him his Inferno-in a new sheath designed to be strapped to his right thigh. Hiccup smiled and nodded as Stoick also hugged him.

"Take care, son-and if you are having any problems…" There was a warning in his voice. Hiccup rolled his emerald eyes.

"I know. Tell you," he sighed.

"Damned right," the Chief growled and slapped him on the back, almost knocking him over. Hiccup winced.

"Thanks, Dad," he grumbled as he clambered onto Toothless. "Feeling the love. Really. Probably all the way back to the Edge…and for the next few days as well…" Astrid glanced down from Stormfly.

"Ready?" she asked and he smiled.

"Always, Milady," he said then leaned forward. "Okay, bud-let's fly!"

The journey hadn't seemed as long this time, surrounded by his friends, riding his best friend with his new girlfriend flying steadily at his side. Everyone was back in their usual place. Everyone was back to normal.

You'll never be normal, Ryker sneered. You're weak and worthless and broken. And one day, you will die at our hands…

I'm normal for me, Hiccup replied silently, feeling the powerful beat of Toothless's wings through his body. The feel of his dragon beneath him, the sounds of the twins arguing and Snotlout snoring and the snuffle of Meatlug all reassured him that he wasn't alone. My strength is my friends and my family and my dragon-brother. They reckon I am worth enough to risk everything for. And they have and will do again. And yes, I am broken…but I can be fixed if I want. And I do. You've lost. Because I am still me-and we will beat you. Not by your way-but by ours. By mine. Protecting dragons and exploring and offering friendship and assistance where it is needed. We are Dragon Riders of Berk and of the Edge. And we will never give up.

And finally…Ryker had no reply.

Suddenly, they broke through the cloud layer and the Edge appeared below them, green and familiar and welcoming. Astrid looked across: his eyes were unfocussed and she knew he was having one of his weird-and increasingly infrequent-silent conversations with 'Ryker'. She waved.

"Hey!" she shouted and he blinked, looking over to her, his face crinkling in a smile, his emerald eyes shining with delight at seeing her smile at him. "You okay?" He nodded.

"I'm more than okay!" he shouted back as they began to descend down towards the stables. "I'm home."

The End.

A/N: It's been a journey! Thanks you all for your thoughts and comments. I may not have agreed with all of them-or taken the story in the multiplicity of directions you all suggested-but it's always gratifying when a story touches people enough to share their thoughts.

I made decision early on to have Hiccup change-but underneath, he was still Hiccup, trying to alter himself to cope with his ordeal and what he thought he needed to stop it happening again. Of course, he was completely wrong but if he'd got it right, there wouldn't have been much of a story. I also decided that he deliberately drove Astrid away because he knew it would be safer for her with what 'Ryker' was saying to him. But when it came to the crunch, he gave up his redemption-returning Berk's gold and killing the Grimborns-to save Astrid and Stormfly. Underneath he was still Hiccup: broken and battered but still the same person when it came to the ultimate choice. And he realised-fortunately not too late-that he would still rather give up his own life than lose one of his friends.

I also decided that there needed to be Hiccstrid. After all that trauma, angst, disaster and mistrust, the only thing powerful enough to balance it would be the declaration that took them almost four series to get to! I felt it was worth stating here-because Hiccup needs his Astrid to get him through and help him recover from this. After all, he's already told her he can't imagine a world without her-and it seemed that was a pretty clear declaration that he loved her anyway. And Astrid would never give up on him. She's stubborn as a rock! Of course, things are likely to be different when they get back onto the Edge-but the gang seem to have forgiven him. Whether they trust him completely is a different matter and may take some time…

See you soon-harrypanther