A/N Inspired by Nickleback song Far Away.

The 'book' quote in Part 1 is actually from Peter Jackson's adaptation of Return of the King and does not appear in the Lord of the Rings books. But artistic licence etc. :-P

June 2380

Kathryn enjoyed the damp, grainy feeling of walking barefoot over the shoreline sand. No matter how many times she'd walked on beaches on holodecks, or on other far-flung planets the breadth of the galaxy, no sand had ever felt quite so real as here on Earth.

Grounded; that was how she felt. She'd found a peace in this place that had eluded her since Voyager's return to the Alpha Quadrant some eighteen months before.

She closed her eyes and allowed herself just to be; to feel the gentle breeze; to listen to the sound of waves lapping the shore and seabirds screaming overhead. Bliss.

Who would have thought that the short time she had to spent here on this "vacation" or whatever it was, would have been what her restless soul had been crying out for all these long months. Maybe B'Elanna had been right – a change of scene was all she'd needed to chase away the rut she'd worked herself into.

It had been hard. No, it had been so much more than just hard. How could she have known that after all those years of working towards one thing, when it finally came it would be so sudden and so sharp that it would feel like an emergency stop from Warp 9.975? That dragging, gut-wrenched feeling behind her navel as if the world had suddenly stopped spinning; as if she'd run straight into a brick wall, had never quite left her since that day.

How could she have known when she didn't have the stress and the responsibility of 150 lives on her shoulders day in and day out that she'd have time to think? That when she wasn't exhausted from the constant caffeine and adrenalin fuelled whirlwind of it all sleep would become a curse. The long rest she'd promised herself when this was all over had become a prison of dark images, of reliving all the near misses and danger and fear of the Voyager years. Her every night followed nightmare after nightmare, Borg drones, Kazon, Devore, Species 8472, staring eyes, pain, cracking, breaking - until she begged for the sweet release of death and then woke up in a cold sweat before falling into the pattern again.

Finding a way home had become her life's calling and now that it was done she didn't know how to stop, how to be still. She allowed herself a wry smile as she thought back on some wisdom from a book about an epic quest that had seemed the sort of thing to read in those early homecoming days,

'How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand… there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep, that have taken hold. Do you ever really heal?'

No - well, not so far in any case. Especially not when she'd imagined life after their return would be… different. She forced away the face that rose in her mind, as she had trained herself to do so diligently, and sighed. A few moments of respite had been wonderful, but they were just the first step on a very long road to peace of mind.

Focusing on the feel of the wind, she continued onward.

The sheets were deliciously soft against Chakotay's bare skin. It had been another long, tough day at Voyager's helm and it was a relief to fall into bed beside a beautiful woman and really unwind. The lights were dimmed to the point where he couldn't see her, but he could picture the pale porcelain skin, curves he couldn't wait to run his hands over, and auburn curls spreading out over the pillow.

The first kiss was heaven - soft and yet with a firmness that returned the passion he felt. He moved himself over her, feeling the shape of her body below his as they pressed together. Through his moan escaped the breathy word,

"Kathryn..."

The woman below him tensed abruptly.

"Computer, lights". The next thing he knew was the feeling of sheets being pulled off the bed, and he looked up, confused, to see her wrapping them self-consciously around herself as she made a beeline for the bathroom. It was then that he realised his mistake. Shit...

"Seven..." he called after her as she bundled up the pile of her clothing from the foot of the bed and took it with her. She didn't reply, and he pulled himself from the bed also, moving to the bathroom door to try and get in front of her, "Seven!"

At this point she paused and turned towards him, with a cold expression on her face.

"Captain..." Ouch – her choice of his rank rather than his name stung, "... I may still be inexperienced in human interaction, but I am aware that when your partner says another woman's name during sexual relations, that is not a good sign for the future of the relationship".

Double shit.

"Seven I..."

"I am not sure there is anything that can be said to rectify this situation, Sir. You have merely confirmed what I have long suspected - that you are in love with Admiral Janeway. The sooner you admit it to yourself, and her, the sooner the two of you can be happy together. Thus, I am terminating our relationship".

Chakotay sighed. What could he say? He knew Seven was right. No matter how much he tried to forget Kathryn, told himself she wasn't interested, attempted to move on... it wasn't working. A wave of shame passed over him when he realised how he'd been using Seven - that he had never really felt strongly for her and began to wonder why he'd dragged things out for so long.

Whilst he'd been mulling this over, standing naked at the door of the bathroom, Seven had - in her usual calm and efficient manner - got dressed. She looked him up and down as she exited the bathroom and made for the door of his quarters.

"Don't look so distraught captain - you were as much of an experiment for me as I clearly have been for you. No broken hearts here. Now I suggest you put on some clothes and make that long overdue call to Indiana".

And with that, she left.

Chakotay stared into the empty screen, and his reflection stared right back at him. He got up from the chair, moved over to the replicator and ordered a glass of water, then paced to the window and looked out at the stars whilst he sipped the drink. He asked the computer the current time in Indiana - eleven in the morning. He moved back to the screen and re-seated himself, adjusting his position several times until he was comfortable. He looked into the monitor again before telling himself that there could be no more excuses, no distractions. All he had to do was call Kathryn, and how hard could that possibly be?

He finally gave the command and waited whilst the call was connected - searing the Starfleet logo onto his vision. He almost slammed down the lid of the portable screen in a panic when the call was connected and the face of the woman he loved more than any other in the world appeared on the screen. His stomach dropped to the deck plating – was this a huge mistake?

"Chakotay!" She seemed surprised - he hoped the tone was pleased but it was hard to say. The one thing he was absolutely sure of was that she looked tired. Really, truly tired - not the tired of one late night or a tough mission, but the tired of long months of inability to sleep; the tired of a disturbed mind. He instantly felt his old warrior's protectiveness towards her rising up in his chest.

"Kathryn, are you all right?" She didn't answer for a few moments, but he could see the realisation dawning on her face - she couldn't hide her state of mind from him.

"There's no point me lying to you is there? I'm not doing great Chakotay. But don't worry about me, I'm seeing people, I'm working through it. The nightmares are getting less".

He didn't really know what to say in response to her. Here he was swanning off to the other side of the Quadrant with a girl young enough to be his daughter in tow and Kathryn was really suffering. What kind of man was he? He'd been living in some kind of bizarre illusion for the past year and a half, trying to tell himself everyone was happy and getting on with their lives, but it was all a complete facade. How could he be so blind?

"Kathryn I... I'm sorry". The carefully rehearsed speech he'd run over ten times in his head completely left him - chased away by the horror of the emptiness behind her eyes. She'd drawn the response straight from the core of his being.

"Chakotay, what are you talking about? Is this why you called - to apologise?" She seemed confused, but his muddled brain ploughed on.

"No I called to... I'm not sure anymore. I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you Kathryn".

"Chakotay, you were reassigned, it wasn't like you abandoned me". The word abandoned was heavy and betrayed the unspoken words behind the wall she was maintaining – that he had abandoned her was clearly exactly what she thought.

"But I haven't called... I haven't even checked to see how you were". Something changed in her demeanor, the wall seemed to shift but not disappear - in fact if anything it grew stronger, more impenetrable.

"How's Seven?" she deflected. But her ploy hadn't worked. He could feel the pain in her tone as she asked after her former protégé.

"She's... well" he paused for only a moment before taking the plunge. They'd put this off for far too long, "Kathryn, Seven and I... we aren't together any more".

The surprise in her eyes was almost its own corporeal being it was so strong,

"I'm sorry to hear that". He bit back almost immediately on her response,

"No you aren't".

"Chakotay I ... why would you say that? Do you think I want you to be in pain?"

"No. But then I'm not in pain. I should never have been with Seven in the first place. Kathryn, let's just cut to the chase here... I... I love you. And I want us to be together. I know it's what you want too".

He allowed her a few moments to process his words, but she took longer than even he expected. Her head dipped as she mulled his declaration over, and when she raised it again there were tears in her eyes.

"How can you be so god-damned sure?" His stomach twisted at the harshness of her reply. Why was he so sure? Because everything about her body language and her reactions gave him that message. So why was she suggesting something different?

"Kathryn I thought... I knew... there's always been something between us". His surety ebbed away with each word, eyes resting on the tight hard line of her jaw that clenched as he spoke.

"Why now Chakotay? Why... after all this time? I've been working so hard to get past this and now you just call me up and expect me to come running!?" Oh gods. He'd really messed this up. There had been something there, just like he'd known all along. But he'd left it too long and now… now she wasn't sure what she wanted any more.

"Kathryn... just... I don't know. I'm sorry. I've been an idiot – a blind, stupid idiot and I'm not sure what more I can do than apologise. I'd like to give us a chance, if you're willing. Just... think it over, okay?" The tears were falling stronger from her eyes now.

"I will... I will. But I can't promise you anything. I just... don't know any more. Goodbye Chakotay".

And with that she disconnected the call, leaving him with a sense of shock and disbelief. Now what? Just wait for her to make up her mind?

He couldn't do that. He made a decision in that split second and, mind full of action he made his way to the bridge.