"Anger is a killing thing: it kills the man who angers, for each rage leaves him less than he had been before - it takes something from him."

- Louis L'Amour

Fall

As a general rule of thumb, if there's enough time to seriously think about whether or not you'll survive the fall, it's probably a fatal distance. And if you're carrying more than a hundred pounds of equipment in weapons and armor, it's definitely gonna kill you.

That realization wasn't lost on me, but still, I had a survival instinct I couldn't just ignore. Even as rocky walls zipped by, I knew and practiced the basics of how not to die from a fall. Don't land on your head, bend your knees, brace for impact and have stimpaks ready. Say a prayer if you're that kind of person (I'm not). The wind roared through my helmet and into my ears. One way or another, I knew I wouldn't need to wait much longer.

And wouldn't you know it, I didn't.

I bounced on impact. Like a rubber ball, but not nearly as graceful. If there were any injuries or some pain from the fall, I didn't feel it right away. I saw double-no, quadruple, and it took me a second to register that one of the lenses in my helmet got cracked.

There was no time to curse about that, because I flipped over onto something yellow and spongey, and that's when the very familiar pain of broken legs caught up to me.

Oh hell it caught up to me.

I would've screamed, yelled, something. Instead I just fell flat on my back and did my best impression of a paralyzed man trying and failing to howl in agony. I was doing a really good job too, up until I somehow heard a voice through the hazy inferno of fibula that had been snapped in two.

"Ouch. That's really unfortunate."

And just like that the pain disappeared. I was standing up, and the Ranger Sequoia that had killed a thousand men was in my hands and about to add one more to its list of victims.

"Whoa! What the fuck?!"

What a coincidence, I almost said the same thing.

It was really hard to determine what exactly I was looking at. A kid, that much was pretty obvious, it was everything else that didn't make sense. I wouldn't have looked twice at a ten-year-old in a striped sweater with a mop of brown hair, but I would stare if there was gray smoke curling off them, with a face that seemed to shift like oil on water, looking for all the world like some kind of apparition.

The red eyes didn't help their case either.

"You're one to talk," they bit back, and maybe I got a head injury because I took a second again to put the pieces together: I didn't say anything out loud, but it responded. Logically, that means this is the strangest drug trip I've ever been on, or this is a ghost.

"Look, I think we've gotten off on the wrong foot. Or feet, in your case. So let's just start over," they said as more mist, vapor, or whatever the hell rolled off their face. Features morphed and blurred into what might have been a smile or a grimace. "Greetings. My name is Chara. And you are?"

Maybe something inside of me snapped and this was me going crazy. Maybe this really was a ghost, or my conscience decided to manifest itself in the shape of a kid. I don't fucking know, I'm not a psychologist. A licensed one, anyway. For some reason that I couldn't explain even if I felt like it, I decided to humor it.

My name's Six. Courier Six.

"Cool!" they said in childlike wonder, eyes lighting up in crimson and completely ignoring the odd name. "Like a mailman?"

I almost laughed, but stopped when I felt chest pain. Dammit. Broken ribs too. But it was rude to ignore a question so I holstered the revolver, pulled out a few stimpaks, and nodded. Exactly like a mailman.

"That's awesome, and yeah, you're pretty much right, I'm a ghost," they said while I lined up the syringes and pushed down on the plunger. A ghost, I pondered as anesthesia and relief flooded into me while they kept chattering and I kept half listening. Sure, why not. It's not any more ridiculous than what I'm used to I thought while experimentally putting weight on each of my legs. It wasn't exactly painless, and goddam I would need a splint but I'd suffered far worse on my journey to-

"How'd you end up here, anyway?" Chara inquired.

That was… a really good question. I remembered walking for a long time. A path of rock and sand that was as unending as it was uninteresting. I kept following it, even as dehydration and hunger pains set in. I hadn't seen anything living in days, and I know I ran out of water somewhere along the way. The memories started to blur, and then…

"I don't know," I said, looking up. Either the sun was directly overhead or I adjusted to the dark very quickly, because the hole in the cavern's roof was blinding, even through the cracked lens of my helmet. I realized that once again, I was in an unknown—probably dangerous—place, with no idea how I got there and no obvious explanation or means of escape. I also noticed the trampled bed of flowers, honest-to-god flowers I was lying in, and suddenly, the absurdity of my situation, the flowers, the ghost kid, the fall, they hit me all at once.

I couldn't help it. This time I laughed and laughed, even if I sounded pretty hoarse. Tears ran down my face and I took off my helmet to wipe them away.

Whether out of being confused or patient, Chara waited until my hysteria fit was reduced to a few tired giggles before speaking, taking the time to stare intently at my face in the meantime.

"You're kind of weird."

My laughter turned into a hacking cough. That's when my body reminded me I was still dehydrated and starving.

"There's a stream up ahead," they offered, still staring. "Not sure about food, but I bet you can find something lying around here."

Yeah, I bet I can too. I looked down at the flowers and licked my lips subconsciously. There were plenty of wild plants that were edible around the Mojave, hell, I know how to make medicine and drugs from almost all of them. I reached down to pick one of the golden flowers and promptly stopped when a pale hand appeared in front of mine.

"You don't want to eat those," Chara stated flatly.

I looked at them again, then at the flowers. I was really goddam hungry.

"It won't help. I suggest you look elsewhere."

There was no mistaking the ice in that tone, or the way Chara's face started to blur again, like runny ink on paper. Whatever, fine. Flowers are bad. Forgive me since it's the first time I've seen one.

"Wait, you've never seen a flower before?" Chara asked, all the anger in their voice gone and replaced with shock.

First time I've seen a real one, yeah. I smoothed my hair down, put my helmet on, and tried to use the low-light optics. Broken. I'd be doing this the old-fashioned way until I fixed them. I reached out, felt along the walls until I found a narrow passage. It lit up slightly, the darkness receding as Chara floated by, trying to grab my attention.

"How?"

Because on the good day the Mojave has fuck-all for plant life, that's how, I thought irritably. Unless agave and yucca shrubs count as flowers, I hadn't seen one before.

Chara fell silent, and I was glad. I didn't really find the kid annoying, but I also didn't want to get distracted while traversing a cave in the dark. I bet it was filled with mutants, or ghouls. It wouldn't surprise me in the slightest.

"No," Chara said. "Just monsters, and they're pretty cool most of the time. What do you mean by 'mutants'?"

I paused at that. Not so fast, what do you mean by monsters?

And before either of us could get an explanation from the other, something gold and green popped out of the ground in front of us.

"Howdy!" it greeted. I stumbled out of surprise and from the looks of things, so did Chara. "I'm Flowey! Flowey the flower!"

"The hell?" Chara said, mirroring my thoughts.

It looked absolutely nothing like a plant or an animal should have looked. The facial features were human-like and very obviously not. Too fake-looking. I wanted to say it was a product of radiation or something, but in my experience that level of mutation doesn't end up with a product so… clean.

Is this thing a monster? And follow-up question, should I kill it? I asked, fingers on my holster. It looked harmless, but in a way that I knew it definitely wasn't.

"No, and maybe," they answered, floating a safe distance from the talking flower and frowning. "There's something off about it. I don't like it."

Yeah, you and me both, ghost kid.

"Hm... You're new to the Underground, aren'tcha?" the flower asked rhetorically, in a voice and accent that was far too cutesy for my liking.

I'm more perceptive than most, but I'm pretty sure anyone could tell there was something wrong with the flower's face, besides the fact that a fucking flower was smiling. It looked far too fake, like someone had superimposed the expression onto something and thought the disguise would fool anyone. I let myself get fixated on it so much that I didn't notice what the flower was saying.

"…Ready? Here we go!" The flower said suddenly.

The world faded into a black curtain. Chara disappeared but somehow, I knew they weren't gone. There was a tugging on my chest, and then-

I don't know how else to describe it. A little red heart floated out, and my body joined the rest of the dark, still there, but in the background to the shining red heart. I wanted to laugh at the irony. I didn't even have a real heart anymore, just pumps and filters and cybernetics. But this tiny thing, it bounced up and down at my will, glowing a brilliant ruby red. Despite everything, I still had a soul. Somehow, I felt like that was a more ridiculous revelation than the talking flower.

"See that heart? That's your soul! The very culmination of your being!"

Right, right. Real flowers, ghosts, talking flowers, and souls. Neat. I gave it a nudge, and in response I felt and saw my soul move, gliding through the void at my will. So this is that out-of-body experience I'd read about in a medical textbook. It was so fascinating, to move around as a little heart. I barely heard the flower until its voice started to crack.

"Your soul starts off weak but can grow strong if you gain… a lot… of…" the flower trailed off as it looked to the side, and I followed its gaze to the floating blocky letters that definitely weren't there before.

Courier 6

LV 50

HP 675/675

"U-um," the flower stammered, its smile wavered.

"That's a lot of LOVE," Chara murmured.

...I don't know what any of that means, what's your point? I asked, but didn't receive an answer. Meanwhile, the flower seemed to have recovered, and was choosing to stare blankly at me- no, size me up before it spoke.

"You're pretty good at killing, huh?"

I thought back. To Caesar's shocked expression as his guards lay dead at his feet and I ambled closer to him. I thought of how Lanius looked when I pried that mask off his face and stuck a ripper in his mouth. All those bounties. The Khans. The Fiends. The Syndicate. The Judge. The Legion. Marko. I thought about all the people I'd killed, and how meaningless it was to try and count. It had to be thousands, easily. Maybe tens of thousands.

Flower, you have no fucking idea.

"W-well! Golly here I was about to go through the whole spiel, but it sure looks like you've already got a pretty good idea of how things work!" it said, suddenly cheerful again. Its smile seemed a little wider than before though.

No, scratch that, it was a lot more different now. Its expression turned sickly, jagged black lines shifted into place like fangs. I instinctively reached for a gun, a knife, anything, but then I remembered that I was a fucking floating heart and hearts don't have hands.

"I think you don't need to go through the tutorial. Heh. Get it?" the flower asked.

I didn't.

"I do," Chara said darkly. Honestly, I kind of forgot they were there. Hard to keep track when talking to a flower that grinned wickedly as it spoke.

"I think," it said in some parody of an accent that might have been a southern drawl, "that this is going to be way more interesting if I just… sit back. Watch this little show unfold. If you are what you look like, I think this is going to be very entertaining indeed!"

White teeth sprouted out of its smile and black pits appeared where its eyes used to be. The flower threw its head back and laughed uproariously in that same mockery of what a real person sounded like. I felt my soul retreat back into me—and the flower disappeared into the ground a moment before the aforementioned ground exploded.

God dammit, waste of a round. .45-70 isn't cheap at the best of times, and who knew where the nearest reloading bench was? I reached into one of the many pouches on my riot gear and replaced the bullet anyways, then looked around to find Chara floating right where they used to be. "Flowey ran away," they observed.

I bet we'll find him again. Come on, you said there was a stream up ahead?

"…" The ghost floated by me and nodded. There was a stone archway above, definitely man-made, and we went through it-

"You've killed a lot of people, huh?"

I looked back at the kid. 'A lot' doesn't even begin to encompass it, but yeah. You could say that.

They didn't break their stare. "Why?"

I tried not to look or feel annoyed. Look kid, ninety-nine percent of the time, I was killing slave owners, or rapists, or murderers, or it was just self-defense, alright?

"And the other one percent?"

I kept walking and didn't answer.

They looked down in thought and must not have had a reply to that one, so I started moving again, noting the green vines and cracked pillars. On the upside, plants meant light and water, two things I could really use. On the other hand, I didn't like it. Reminded me too much of Vault 22. At least the air down here was breathable though.

"So, what's the plan?" the kid asked once they'd caught up.

Questions upon questions, is this what it's like to talk to me? Anyways, I don't know. I'm gonna find a way out of here. Go home, and maybe rethink whatever decisions led me to falling down a pit full of demonic flowers. After I get something to drink, of course. Preferably something that isn't contaminated by radiation.

"Why would it be irradi- never mind," they said as I looked around. Two staircases were on either side of me, old and cracked, but they looked solid and sturdy as hell. They didn't interest me though. I was more absorbed with the red... things on the ground. I picked one up and felt it crackle between my gloves before letting the pieces fall. A second later, I realized they were leaves. Real leaves, like the kind from a tree. I considered again if this was real life or I'd died in the fall and this was just the part where your brain hallucinates one last little dream before it shuts off and you die. Or maybe-

(*Crinkling the leaves as the ruins loom above you, you are filled with determination.)

I started, then looked over at Chara. Why'd you say that?

They looked at me like I was an idiot. "What're you talking about? I didn't say anything."

…Alright. Some of my hallucinations don't even try to disguise themselves. Whatever, doesn't matter. To be honest I'm kind of surprised it took this long to start losing whatever grip on sanity I still had. I took a step onto the stairs, into the Underground proper. That flower did get one thing right, I mused. It would interesting to see what lay ahead.

Chara has joined your party!

Chara has given you the Two Kinds of Love perk.

Two Kinds of Love: Monsters will take one less ATK and one less ACT to kill or spare, respectively. This perk will increase in effectiveness the more monsters you kill or spare.

A/N: I was bored and had an idea. Not to be taken seriously. Updates will be sporadic (if ever). For the curious, 675 is the maximum health you can get if you're level 50, have the Life Giver and Thought You Died perk, and have 10 Endurance. The more you know.

Also, I feel like it was implied given the Courier's companion, but if you haven't actually played Undertale, I suggest you do, if only to understand who certain characters are. Having said that, an understanding of either setting is not required and everything will be revealed at some chapter or another, just be patient.

Having said that, if you don't recognize some of the organizations/people the Courier mentioned killing, install the New Vegas Bounties mods and play through them. Credits for that go to someguy2000.