The World Without You.

Note:
I'm in the mood of some bittersweet story.

…

"Where am I?"

Fuji pondered to himself, having awoken inside an unfamiliar space. Enclosed in a white painted room, he traced the cold tiled floor underneath him, the line in-between each tiles felt rough against his fingers.

He stood up slowly, looking around and found nothing else in the room; there was just him and the high walls that surrounded him.

"Do you wish for a world without me?" A voice asked suddenly in such deep tone. It echoed across the room.

Fuji was surprised at first, but he knew whom the voice belonged to. As he looked around to find the source, he saw a figure slowly manifesting itself in front of him. It was a familiar one, a particular person that Fuji had always watched closely, in and out of the green court.

The blue eyes watched every detail on Tezuka's face, every curve and chisel. The way Tezuka would part his hair, the slight twitch on the corner of the thin-lipped mouth, or the way the deep brown eyes squint sometimes as if trying to see the world clearer, Fuji knew all that.

"Yes." He replied with no hesitation.

Despite his feelings and countless memories with the bespectacled man, Fuji wished to live in a world without Tezuka Kunimitsu.

"As you wish." Replied the figure in front of him and he watched as Tezuka disappeared into the thin air. The white walls soon crumbled, shattering to pieces along with the tiled floor.

Fuji woke up to the sound of his alarm.

….

"I had a weird dream last night." He confided to his red haired friend. Sitting in front him, Eiji was busy copying his homework.

Fuji watched as the pen moved with such speed and force, replicating every detail that the blue-eyed man had written to a blank page.

"Hmmm… What kind of dream?" Eiji asked him back without taking his eyes off the notebooks.

"I wished for a world without him."Fuji whispered softly.

"Oh... That's interesting." Replied Eiji calmly while flipping the next page of the notebook. The red haired man was barely paying attention and Fuji just smile.

It was another idyllic day at school.

They sat at the back, with the windows to his left. The clear sun shined through and illuminated the classroom. Fuji saw the glimmer of sun on Eiji's shimmering hair. In a distance, he heard endless chattering and footsteps.

The world outside the window moved on. There were no clouds hovering or passing by. The sky was so blue with the yellow star burning brightly, increasing the temperature on every surface.

He wasn't looking forward to practice in such heat.

"That reminds me, Oishi wanted to see you." Eiji told him while closing the notebook; he has finally finished writing every word.

"Okay, I need to borrow his dictionary as well." He replied and the school's bell rang, indicating the start of their class.

….

Fuji walked the long corridor until his legs brought him to his destination. He slides the wooden door and looked around to find the person that he was looking for.

"Oishi." He called out. The black haired man quickly noticed him and stood up from his chair.

Fuji unknowingly lingered on a particular chair, now occupied by someone else.

"Hi." Oishi greeted him. They talked in front of the classroom's entrance.

"Eiji told me you want to see me?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes," Answered the man, "We need to finish up the training schedule and discuss the upcoming tournament."

Fuji kept his smile and tilted his head slightly, surprised by the rather odd request. It wasn't his job to do such thing and they never asked him to help with any administration duty. It was always Tezuka and Oishi, the captain and the vice-captain.

He would be lying if he weren't jealous sometimes.

Maybe Oishi just need some help. Fuji thought to himself and agreed in the end.

"Thank you, I know you don't really like doing this kind of thing, but I really appreciate the help." The 'mother of Seigaku' replied with such tender eyes.

Oishi always was a kind-hearted man but Fuji knew despite the gentle appearance, there was another fire burning inside the black haired man. A passion and determination, a fighting spirit that Fuji lacked.

"Oh, I need to borrow your English dictionary." He intercepts suddenly, having remembered his other reason to see the black haired man.

"Sure." The man replied easily and went back inside the classroom. Fuji watched as Oishi took out a heavy book from under his desk and swiftly returned to the front of the classroom.

"Here you go." Oishi handed him the book and he accepted it with gratitude.

"Thanks, I usually borrow it from Tezuka, but he is not here, being away and all." Fuji told the vice-captain.

His blue eyes lingered again on the particular spot. Now empty, the person that sat there just before had moved on to another chair and it made him wondered if he should as well.

"Tezuka?" The man in front asked him with slightly raised eyebrow.

"Yes, so thank you." Fuji replied, dismissing the questioning tone and walked back to the classroom.

He thought of nothing more about the confused look on Oishi's face.

….

"Senpai, let's do couple of round." Echizen asked him during practice.

He was dying in heat as the blistering sun hovered above them. The sounds of people chattering and insects chirping loudly in the distant overwhelmed him.

Fuji heard Oishi instructing the freshman as they ran laps for warm-ups.

"Sure." He replied with a smile, keeping his composure.

After tightening the shoelace on his shoes, Fuji stood up and grabbed the tennis racket next to him. He followed Echizen to one of the empty court.

"I'll let you serve first." Echizen told him boldly. The boy was already standing across the net, flipping the tennis racket enthusiastically.

He kept his smile and threw the green tennis ball to the ground. It bounced back straight away, sending couple of dust to the air.

Despite the cocky attitude, Fuji acknowledged the boy's talent in tennis. He watched as the brown eyes, filled with passion and fury, followed his movement precisely.

Only Tezuka has the same eyes.

Maybe that's why you were drawn to him. Fuji thought to himself before he hit the ball that came down from the clear sky.

It flew over the net and flew to the other side of the court, to only missed its mark. Fuji sighed and took out another ball from his side pocket. He dribbled the ball again, leaving more circular mark on the ground below him.

Readying himself, he threw the ball high and swings his tennis racket with precise force.

It flew perfectly across the net and touched the ground once before Echizen easily returned the green ball to him. Fuji hit it back to the other side of the court and watched the boy already in position; ready to send the ball back.

Fuji quickly ran and barely made it in time. He lost control and hit it too hard. The green ball flew high above the court and landed outside the lines. It sent couple more dust particles to the air.

He will not lose today, Fuji promised himself as he breathed in the hot air. Deep down he knew the day would come, the day where he would lose to the young prodigy but he tried hard, everyday to not let it come.

Not today, he thought to himself again.

Flipping the rubbery handle couple of time, Fuji gripped it tightly to prepare for the next set. He grunted as he hit the ball, running from side to side, anticipating every hit.

But Echizen was always a step ahead of him.

"Senpai, you okay?" He heard the boy calling him out to him. Fuji had missed another shot.

"Sorry, must be the heat." He replied, shaking the clingy tennis shirt for some air. It was half the truth and lies.

With his aching legs, Fuji walked to grab his water bottle with Echizen following from behind. The white plastic container was left under the sun, warming the liquid inside. He gulped the warm water, trying to cool off the heat inside.

"Have you heard anything from Tezuka?" Fuji asked to the boy next to him, wondering of any contact the stoic man had made.

"Tezuka?" Echizen asked him back confusingly. The boy was wiping sweat out of his face.

"Yes… our beloved stoic captain." Fuji replied back, having put down the bottle back to the ground. He grabbed the racket again.

"But our captain is Oishi, did he has any other name?" Asked Echizen again. His tone sounded even more confused.

Fuji stared at the boy, suspecting of some foul games, but he found nothing on that brown hazelnut eyes.

"Senpai?" He heard Echizen calling to him as he walked back to the locker room.

Opening the metal locker as quickly as his trembling hands allowed him to, Fuji looked through the contact number and found no email or telephone number belonged to the bespectacled man.

Swiftly pressing the red button, Fuji dialed the Tezuka's mobile number that he had memorized and a different kind of voice picked up.

"Tezuka?" Fuji quickly asked.

"Wrong number." Replied the person before cutting off the phone. The beeping sound echoed through the empty locker room.

Might just be a glitch. He thought to himself and dialed the home's phone number that he had also memorized.

"Hello, Tanioka's residence." A voice picked up, calling out the wrong name.

He felt the world slipping.

….

"You have to disappeared from photos as well."

Fuji whispered to the air as he sat down on his room, surrounded by photographs that scattered on the floor.

He picked up a particular one, a photograph of a wooden table and its chair. Lighted by the afternoon sun that shined through the row of windows at its back, the picture was full of warmth and kindness.

It wasn't a bad photo but he knew something was missing.

I really like you in this one. Fuji sighed, surrendering to his current situation.

He thought it was a joke at first, merely a cruel game that everyone played on him. But when he found out another family occupied the man's home and noticing that particular name no longer listed in school, gone from any achievements and locker rooms, he finally came to the conclusion that Tezuka Kunimitsu simply did not exist in this world.

Fuji did, after all, wished to live in such world.

The door to his room clicked open and Fuji found his sister staring at him. "Dinner is ready." She told him before taking notice of the scattered photos.

"Landscape theme?" Yumiko asked innocently.

"Something like that." Fuji replied with a smile, ignoring the slight pain in his heart.

"Good, good." His sister nodded before continuing. "Well, let's eat before it gets cold." She added before leaving the room.

Fuji watched the door closed again and listened to the sounds of footsteps on the stair. He took one last look on the photographs, watching the coloured landscapes and backgrounds to only realize there weren't any photos of him with the stoic man.

Gathering all the scattered pictures, he dumped the pictures back to the white box and closed the lid firmly. After placing the box underneath the bed, Fuji exited his room and went downstairs to join his family for dinner.

….

He looked at the tennis locker that used to belong to Tezuka and watched Oishi closed the metal lid softly.

The 'Mother of Seigaku' now became the 'captain of Seigaku' while he became the vice-captain. It felt weird; to finally gain the position that he once craved for, just to be closer to the bespectacled man.

If Tezuka never exist in this world, what's the point? He asked himself.

Putting on the blue and white uniform, he closed the metal lid and exited the clubroom. The sun shined high above him, indicating another hot day for afternoon practice.

Fuji walked to the green court, finding a nice shade under the big tree to observed the familiar scenery. He heard the loud chatters mixed with the sound of balls flying across the net. People running laps and their coach, Ryuzaki, yelling at them.

The world stayed the same, with or without Tezuka Kunimitsu.

"Fuji, helped me out with this." Oishi called him at the other side of the fence.

He had underestimated the amount of work and responsibility of being a vice-captain. It made him appreciate Oishi more.

Fuji walked over to greet the 'captain.'

….

"How's the world without me?" Tezuka asked him in deep and musky voice.

He had forgotten how deep and rich the stoic man's voice was.

"Surprisingly easy." Fuji answered him earnestly.

Without realizing it, three months had passed since he made his wish to live in a world without him. Time moved on peacefully and his days were filled with school and training that he barely had any time or strength to think of the stoic man.

The tiled floor felt cold against his skin and he stood up again to face the stoic man. He took a quick glance around the empty room and noticed the slight crack on the pristine wall.

"The team needs you though, I'm horrible as vice-captain. Now I can understand why you didn't choose me." He gave a little laugh. "I don't think we can win the national at all." Fuji told the figure in front of him with a smile.

He watched the bespectacled man, trying to remember every detail about the stoic man. The brown eyes stared back at him; there was something different about the man in front of him.

"The team doesn't need me." Tezuka replied suddenly. "It was my dream to bring the team to national that I inherited from Yamato. If I don't exist then that dream died with him."

Fuji watched the man in front of him with his eyes wide open; he didn't expect to hear such answer from Tezuka.

He breathed deeply, trying to process his words. Deep down, he knew the stoic man was right. It never was their dream to win the national; it became theirs because of him.

"How about Echizen?" He asked suddenly, "Without you to guide him, he wouldn't be able to grow."

"He's already a great player, with me or without me. The path might slightly differ but the ending will be the same." Rebuffed Tezuka easily.

"What about me?" Blurted Fuji without thinking.

"What about you?" Tezuka asked him back. He felt the dark brown eyes staring right at him with the same determination that he found on Oishi and Echizen.

"No… Nothing…." He replied, gripping his hand tighter.

He wanted to tell him, about his days, his works as vice-captain, but instead Fuji watched the man's face again, trying to remember every detail. The slightly raised eyebrows, the curve after its cheekbones, the way Tezuka's hair parted, was it always like that?

The familiar feeling of pain came back; he hasn't felt that for three months. Watching Tezuka in front of him, Fuji realized how much he missed the man.

Did we finally become strangers? He wondered, realizing he no longer feel the connection between them.

They stayed quiet until the phantom decided to part.

"Well then, goodbye." Tezuka told him before disappearing, shattering the white room again.

The familiar sound of his alarm brought him back and he noticed the wet trail of tears on his cheeks.

….

Time moved on again, days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months. What appeared to be easy at first had made him restless. Another three months had now passed and with no visit from the stoic man.

When Seigaku didn't make it to the national, he felt like he let the bespectacled man down, even though Tezuka never existed in this world.

Fuji felt Eiji's eyes on him as he scribbled on the notebook. He was never a good drawer but he wasn't bad as well.

"What are you doing?" The red haired man asked him.

"Just... Doodling." Fuji replied, half lying as he concentrates all of his memory to try to sketch the stoic man.

He no longer remembers what Tezuka looks like.

Was the eyebrow like this? Didn't it arch a particular way when he was angry or irritated? How about his mouth, was it as wide as this? Thinner? Which way did his hair parted again?

Countless questions came to his mind as he watched the face that formed on his notebook, wondering whether Tezuka looks like that or not. Fuji grunted angrily as he ripped out paper and crumpled it into balls. It scared the man in front of him.

Fuji ignored his friend and grabbed the pen again to start over. He pushed the empty pages flat when he heard Eiji.

"Did you hear, Echizen transferring school?"

And the world slipped again.

….

Walking the long corridor again, Fuji noticed it was still the same corridor where he used to walk with the stoic man in their first year. He heard chatters and loud noises coming from the many classrooms.

Fuji stopped at one of the classroom to see Echizen, sitting at the nearby window, laughing happily with his friends. He was about to call the young prodigy, but Echizen saw him and quickly parted with his friends.

"Heard you transferring?" He asked the boy.

The deep brown eyes looked at him, there were some regrets. "Yes," Replied Echizen. "I think Rikkaidai might be better for me. I want to get stronger."

Tezuka's words from his dream echoed through his mind. In the end, Echizen will follow tennis and be stronger, with or without Tezuka's help.

It became clear why he envied the young prodigy. Eschizen always knew what he wanted in tennis, their lost merely pushed the boy to grow stronger. It was why Tezuka entrusted his dream on the cheeky boy.

"I really did think we were able to do it, senpai." Said Echizen before he left him to returns to his friends.

Fuji left the classroom and walked back through the long corridor.

Is that why you choose him to be the next pillar? Fuji thought to himself as he watched the world outside. The sky was still blue and the trees were now losing their leaves.

Then what about me?

….

He woke up on the white room and saw a figure he barely knew.

"Tezuka, is that you?" Fuji asked the figure standing in front of him. With deep brown eyes that matched his hair, the cold expression and lips that stay the same, Fuji no longer remembers all that.

"I'm also going to forget about you, yes?" He asked to the unfamiliar figure and saw the slight nod.

"Do you still wish for a world without me?" Tezuka asked the same questions again that started it all.

Fuji moved closer instead of answering the man. Slowly, he lifted up his hand to touch the man's face. Watching his own reflection on those brown eyes, he caressed the warm cheek and went even closer, to kiss those soft lips.

His body shivered, remembering the sensation when he first kissed the stoic man.

"At least you didn't push me away this time." Whispered Fuji as he leaned on the wide chest, hearing the soft heartbeats.

All he wanted was just to have a moment like this.

"Do you still wish a world without me?" Tezuka repeated the question again.

He tightened his grips on the white shirt before pushing the man away.

"What do you want me to say, that I want you back?" Fuji asked the figure back, slightly raising his tone. "You rejected me. All of my effort to stay close to you, you rejected it. I can't live like this, not when the future meant watching you with someone else."

Fuji gasped for air, his lungs felt heavy with tears now blurring his vision. He could barely see the figure standing so close to him. "Am I that insignificant for you?" He added softly.

"Then, do you still want me to disappear?" Tezuka asked him again without any change to his tone.

"YES!" He cried out, fed up with these questions. "The world still the same with or without you so if I can't have you then you might as well disappeared!"

"You said it yourself, no one will be affected. Echizen transferring school so he would be fine, Oishi is great as captain, Eiji is still the same, he got Oishi afterall. Taka-san would continue the sushi business. Kaidoh and Inui are still the same. Everyone would remain the same, with or without you." He continued, now panting for breath. "Everyone would be okay, except for me…" Fuji whispered softly, realizing why he always followed the man in front of him.

"I'm lost without you…"

He said with tears flowing heavily from the blue eyes. His lungs felt heavy, barely able to take any oxygen.

"As you wish." Tezuka replied calmly, indifferent to the crying Fuji. "I won't come back anymore." Added the figure.

"Wait… what!?" Fuji asked confusingly, realizing what the last sentence could mean. He opened his mouth, wanting to stop the other when the room started to shake furiously.

The cracks on the white walls grew larger, expanding to the ceiling above. Soon pieces of white plaster started to fall at the same time as the white walls started to crumble, it shattered the floor to pieces.

"No, no, no!" Fuji cried out frantically, noticing the difference at how the room was disappearing. Amongst the cracked wall, he noticed the darkness that lied beyond the room.

"What are you doing!?" Fuji called out to Tezuka, switching his glance back to only see the figure in front of him breaking to pieces.

"NO!" He yelled out.

Heart racing, Fuji stumbled forward and wrapped his arms around Tezuka. There was still warmth radiating from the bespectacled man's. He could still hear the strong heartbeats and it made him tighten his grip.

But it was too late; Tezuka broke apart in his arms. The man in his dreams shattered to pieces like glass, pieces of him scattered around Fuji's feet.

Swiftly, the blue-eyed man falls to the ground, in an effort to pick up the pieces but every time he picked a part of Tezuka, it broke even smaller and turned to dust.

"Tezuka…!"

….

The sound of beeping brought him back.

He was back at his room with the white ceiling staring back at him. Sunlight peaked through his window and illuminated the room softly. The sound of his alarm still echoed through the room.

"Is that it?" Fuji whispered to himself as he lay on his bed. His body felt heavy and aching. Tears were still flowing as he touched his face to wipe it.

Groaning softly, he shifted to turn off the alarm when the door clicked open. A familiar figure entered the room.

"You're back." He called out softly to the approaching figure.

"Yes, I came back this morning. Sorry I didn't tell you." Tezuka told him before turning off the alarm for him. "I'm sorry for coming by so early as well. I just need to see you."

Fuji was lost in words, trying to process the presence of this man and whether this was just another dream.

"How was Kyuushu?" He asked, sitting right up on his bed.

"It was good. My arm felt better." Tezuka told him as he grabbed the chair and sat next to the bed.

"We lost the national." Fuji whispered, full of regrets. He saw the brown eyes blinked couple of times, questioning him.

"Nationals not in another couple of months. Is that why you were crying? Did you dream that we lost?" Asked Tezuka, having noticed the wet trails on his cheek.

"Something like that." He replied with a smile. The air felt light and warm.

Fuji watched the man's face, relearning every curve and detail again. The way the brown hair parted, the deep gaze of his eyes, the raised eyebrows, and the slight twitch on the thin mouth, he felt a huge weight has been lifted.

"I'm sorry." He apologized to the stoic man.

"For what?" Tezuka asked him back.

"I wished for a world without you." Fuji told him, still keeping his smile.

"How was it?"

"Surprisingly easy." He told him, another half lies and truth. It was fine for the first three months, but then it started to crumble down.

"Should I be disappointed then?" Tezuka asked him back.

"Probably." Fuji laughed softly and watched the room gets brighter.

"I'm sorry for pushing my feelings too hard on you and I really shouldn't have done that. It was unfair for you." He told the stoic man. "I'll be good from now on."

Fuji saw the white cheek slowly turning red and he smiled. I'm just glad you are here.

"I also wished for a world without you." Tezuka told him suddenly. Fuji was surprised to hear that and wondered whether the man had the same experience as him.

"How was it?" Fuji asked curiously.

"Surprisingly boring." Replied the bespectacled man and Fuji smiled a little bit wider.

"Don't give up on me yet." Added Tezuka. It gave the smaller man a glimmer of hope.

"I really don't think I want to live in a world without you." Fuji gave his answer.

...

Notes:

Thanks for reading.

This fic took me awhile again… It grew from the idea of a world without Tezuka and it kinda took off. Trying to make everything smooth was a challenge haha.

I tried to make it kinda ambiguous but I really want to portray that one-sided love.

Hope you enjoyed it. Tell me what you think of it. Hopefully it wasn't too out of character and confusing.

Also posted in AO3.