I OWN NOTHING

I decided to get my priorities straight for this fic right from the start. If I make a villainous protagonist, I better get that much started so people may think I think before act- oh look, puppies!

Warning to Lucy-haters: I like Lucy, out of everyone in Fairy Tail, she acts the most like a normal person with struggles and goals. She deals with her father's ways, losing her loved ones, and tries to find joy in life. She's at least relatable because she shows vulnerability but still tries to overcome her weaknesses, whether it works or not. Certainly better than having Erza be strong only to have her later as Kyouka's sex slave.

XXXXXX

Howdy.

Hmm, not much for conversation, are you?

Well, I can talk since you seem interested in this story of mine.

Have you a sibling, by chance? Whether you do or not is fine.

You may relate to the feeling of having someone in your life that you feel takes the worst path for every choice they make.

If not, at least you may have seen people act that way. In case you feel that is how you live your life, hey, I can relate too.

Ah, but where are my manners?

See, I want to introduce myself, but it's hard.

How can you say who you are when you aren't whole?

And that's where my little story about a sibling starts making sense.

I was born as a part of my sibling, someone who I can't find anywhere in this place.

I was made to carry all the hatred, sorrow, despair, and all other such negative feelings for him.

Then we had a fight, and we had it at the worst time.

He was facing some ridiculously powerful yet admittedly well-developed bunny goddess.

No, I am not pulling your leg.

Point is, we fought at the worst time, when she was about to try to consume our life while warping through dimensions.

One thing left to another, and now… I'm alone. I'm stranded in a world not my own, without a sign of a familiar face or place.

Though, if I was someone else I may have been furious to be stuck in a new world.

Honestly, I'm fond of not being stuck in a world where everyone I knew would've been burnt to death by yours truly if I had a chance.

However, I can't find them, but at least I'm me, or as much as I can be.

Wherever they are, though, I'll find them. After all, I need to finish some business with them.

One of them locked me in a cage, forcing me to endure a hatred beyond limits, while the other crafted this life for both of us.

Now that I can be my own self, even if I lack my other side, I can choose what life I want.

And I'll start that life by making fools of those that play with the lives of others, enjoying their tears with a nice glass of wine.

Looking for a job in a new world can be tricky, but I managed.

Just using the right words, the right tricks, and those lessons from the academy about how to manage a village do help. It's boring, but it pays.

And hey, I found someone I hate far more than everyone I met back at my own world here, and many people here are just like that.

There are far too many people like him, but I'll enjoy this life with a happy face, and their fate at my hands with a true smile.

I may have found the answers I wanted in the government, learning from them of the guilds that work for this world.

One in particular irks me, but it has some secrets I could use for when I meet my old friends.

But for now, I'm stuck behind a desk, reading about some new girl…

XXXXXX

Seated on a simple office room with a simple door, his name on the door's window, and boringly staring at documents was a blond man. He was in his early twenties and looked both at peace and plain bored. A light tan showed he enjoyed the outdoors, his deep blue eyes gave him a serene look, and the six birthmarks on his cheeks resembling whiskers made him look a tad silly. With a strong jaw, lean face, blond hair in a mop, and thin but strong frame he easily made some ladies heads' turn. His outfit consisted of a set of brown business pants and opened coat, matching work shoes, and an orange button-up shirt.

On a perch by the door to his office was a fedora that matched his coat, and a lone red scarf, which he went to grab after putting down the paper on his desk, "I believe your lunch break doesn't start until later."

He put his hat on and the most charming smile he could muster, "Ultear, my dear, fancy seeing you drop here. I was going to eat, yes, but something caught my eye." He told the voluptuous woman before him with a soft, warm voice after wrapping his scarf around his neck, "Wendy Marvell… Quite a cute thing she is. Being part of a guild that's just appeared in the map, though, now that's something that begs me to investigate."

"For an inspector you don't have to be so thorough, just check what people say about them, that's all the council wants." The woman asked as she adjusted a white lace keeping her long black hair in check. Her pale skin and sharp brown eyes gave her an aura of cold beauty, but she possessed a warm smile aimed at the blond.

"And leave a job half-done?" he asked in mock-hurt before tipping his hat up to show his warm smile, "I'm afraid you take me for a man who likes to overlook little details in his life. After all, I didn't get this job for nothing, and you know it, my dear."

She giggled, "For a young man, you are quite incredible. You appeared out of nowhere as a sixteen-year-old, and now are one of the council's best administrators, and quite strong."

He playfully took off his hat and put it on his chest before bowing, "Too kind, your words are too kind and fairly touching. If I didn't know any better, I'd say you want to date yours truly."

She placed a handful of papers on his face, smiling sweetly, "Better luck next time. I just had to hand you this before you go on your little excursion."

Taking the papers off his face and eyeing them, Naruto sighed, "Phantom Lord once again love to make my life miserable. It's about time someone put them in their place." He said tiredly and placed his hat back on his head, tipping it up yet again to show his face to her, "But of course, for the council it's better to keep them and Fairy Tail at each other's throats."

"That's the kind of people that make the rules, sadly." She answered and turned, closing the door behind her.

Naruto closed one eye and his expression changed into a lopsided smirk, like a fox pondering what part of his prey to devour first, "You say that, but you try to change the rules yourself, sweetheart." He put the papers down, and with a cloud of smoke an exact copy of himself was left with the paperwork, "Once you finish, make sure to keep an eye on Phantom Lord to dig more dirt on them."

The copy waved dismissively while the real blond walked out of the large building he worked at, walked to a simple white moped, put a pair of black goggles with round yellow lenses, and drove off. In a world with magic motorbikes, it wasn't odd to see a moped zip past people at high speeds. Even less weird was to see the man gripping the handles.

Ultear watched him speed off from a window in an office high above the ground with another man, a young council member with spiky blue hair and a tattooed face, "That Uzumaki is a real piece of work. If he did not have such a competent record, I could try to shake him down and see what he plans."

She sighed, "Trust me, I have tried." She stared at the man drive off, "Not a single clue of who he is or where he came from, he's just a man that at sixteen started to get promotions but enjoys a quiet life. He doesn't seem to have big ambitions, but it could be a façade. Naruto Uzumaki. Single. 21 years old. It's like he's content with the place he has in this world, but that smile of his and the power he has say he's not normal."

"We will keep an eye on him to make sure he doesn't step out of line." The tattooed man added before asking, "So, this girl, Wendy Marvell, what could have caught his interest in her?"

"Her magic abilities as a healer, perhaps." Ultear commented.

After taking in the sceneries, enjoying the ride, and finishing the last of a sandwich he bought from a store at the nearby city, Naruto was in front of a desolated ghost city with a small cat-shaped building. Said place was the guild's headquarters, and as he enjoyed the last of his meal there was no doubt he was standing out. Like a sore thumb, he was easily recognized amidst the people in odd tribal clothing. Their stares were all over him as if trying to determine whether he was real or not.

So, with his most charming smile and closed eyes that gave him a foxy appearance, he took off his hat, placed it on his chest, and bowed deeply, "Good day to all. My name's Naruto Uzumaki. I'm an inspector that works for the council and news about this guild and a member caught my interest. I hope I'm not being rude asking to see one…" he pulled a paper from his coat and studied the name and picture, "Wendy Marvell."

"That's… me." a small girl with blue hair done in long pigtails, adorable ribbons that gave her a rabbit-like appearance, and a white dress approached him shyly.

He smiled and kneeled before her, hat still on his chest and his eyes remained closed, "What a pretty thing you are." He playfully opened an eye and grinned warmly, "Don't worry, dearie, I'm not going to hurt you. Even if you're adorable enough to eat, I promise this will only be a series of easy questions and nothing to sweat about."

"Wait there." A female voice said strongly, and Naruto stared at a tiny white cat that stood on two legs with a frown on a face that only heard of smiles on books, "How do we know you're not a phony?"

Chuckling and playfully wincing in mock-hurt, Naruto answered her warmly, "Ah, the little lady makes a fine point. Sorry, it seems that some days I forget my manners. Please don't mind, and here." He handed them a small business card with a red spiral on it and his name written, "My business card. Take it, I have a handful of those for any occasion."

Wendy accepted it and felt herself blush as she stared at the handsome man's warm smile, "Thanks, so… uh… Mr. Naruto, what questions do you want to ask me about?"

"Normal stuff." He said and pulled out a notepad and pen, "Your time in this guild, powers, and personal info. You're free to keep quiet about it, and I won't mind since some mages are entitled to keep their abilities secret if it can harm their performance."

"Hold it there, buster!" the small female cat walked to him, not even reaching his knee, "Just handing us a card isn't proof that you work for the council!"

Naruto closed both eyes, sighing, "I guess this is my luck with smart ladies, it seems. Too bad, because I like girls with smarts." He opened his eyes with a soft expression on his face, "I can see you at my office if you want proof of who I work for. Just handing the guys at the entrance my card works to get to see me."

"Wait, you don't have to go!" Wendy said, mortified, before turning to her feline partner, "Charla, you didn't have to be so rude!" she still looked worried, not angry.

The cat turned her nose, "Sorry, but it's just that you can't trust a guy that smiles that much! He didn't even get flustered or change expressions when I suspected him! Who does that?!"

Naruto chuckled and patted the cat's head gently, "My, you're a sharp one! If you were human and around my age, I'd be delighted to get to know-" he stopped petting her when seeing her claws out, "Well then, I guess I should know when I'm crossing a line. Sorry again."

"I'm not trusting Wendy around someone whose smile feels so fake…" Charla warned him.

Naruto decided to stop playing around, and opened his eyes ever so slightly while smirking, giving himself a look fitting a malicious fox or a cunning snake, "You don't get to where I am by being idle, little lady. I may not look like it, but I'm a guy who dislikes finding bothersome things in life." He stood up and his smile returned to his warm one with his eyes fully opened, "I just don't have much to worry about, yet."

Charla felt goosebumps shake her spine up and down at what felt like a threat but also a declaration of the man's confidence in his strength, all while giving away his power. Just that one sinisterly foxy look on his face said a lot, yet it felt like he was just amused. Like seeing her try to be a thorn on his side was getting him to chuckle like some good joke. Despite how odd he acted, she didn't know if she could call him evil.

"Yet?" Wendy asked, breaking Charla out of her trance.

He chuckled and waved a hand dismissively, "Sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like you'll be trouble, I'm talking of a guild that is a pain on my neck…" he sighed and rubbed the back of his head through his hat, "I shouldn't be complaining, but I can't help but vent a bit when I get the chance. Uh, sorry, we are supposed to talk about you."

Blushing and smiling at his friendly attitude, Wendy had him follow her to an empty seat, "Well, I don't know if you've heard, but I am mostly a support. My abilities are meant to heal others… I don't like fighting to be honest, but I can hold my own with wind magic since I am a… a Dragon Slayer."

Naruto started to write it down and arched a brow, "A Dragon Slayer? Huh, you know, you're supposed to be rare, but I seem to find many of you all around. Phantom Lord, Fairy Tail, and now this place. And that's not even starting on the ones that are half-baked…" he mumbled but then slapped his forehead, "Oh right, sorry, our interview. Again, sorry, I can't get my mind on you even if I want to with how cute you are."

Wendy blushed and looked away, "It… It's all right, mister. I, uh, don't know what else to say."

He put down his notepad with a smile, "Then let me say I wish more Dragon Slayers were like you. Polite, gentle, and adorable." He petted her head, and in turn her face grew hotter while her heart skipped a beat, "You needn't worry about fighting or the likes, I can see to it that you get clients that could use your abilities better after I hand my report. Though that part of being a support intrigues me."

Looking down at her feet while her thumbs were too busy rolling around each other as she twiddled them, Wendy tried her best to answer, "I… I don't like to, but I can fight. My wind magic can do some damage if I use it right, and I can be of use against others that use wind."

He chortled, "Now that's a fun ability given what I can do!" he kept open a single eye and smiled warmly, "I wish I could test that out, but I don't know how you could handle me, and I wouldn't want to hurt a little lady. For now, I think I'll handle my report. Talking to you really helped me see what kind of girl you are, Wendy. You really are a treat."

As he stood up and walked to the exit with a friendly wave, Wendy spoke, "Uh… um… will you come back?"

He smiled back, "Sure, if you want me to. Take care. You too, little cat lady." He took off his hat and, with his eyes closed, put it on his chest and bowed deeply before leaving. Once near his moped, his smile turned into an amused dark smirk, "A Dragon Slayer who is a cutie pie of a wind user, huh? It seems I should visit more often; she is quite naïve… wouldn't want her to end up around guys worse than I."

XXXXXX

Meanwhile, in another realm…

Another blond was having an odd day. He was an exact copy of the inspector we saw before, only difference being that his hair was pulled back in a spiky mane, and he was dressed formally yet flamboyantly. With a dress orange shirt, black gloves, a white dress vest, black dress pants, an elegant yellow tie, and black and white dress shoes, he looked like a very colorful butler. He even had a monocle over his right eye. However, his face was the definition of stoic. Not an ounce of humor could be seen in it, and his sharp eyes didn't pay much mind to anything, or so it seemed.

As he walked through a castle with a tray in a hand lifted beside his head, he checked a golden pocket watch on his pants pocket, which was chained to his waist with a gold chain, "I have to deliver refreshments for the queen, what are you doing here?"

The figure he was talking to was a hulking humanoid covered with black fur and with a panther's head. His entire body was covered in thick armor, and a massive sword rested on his back. He stood far taller than the butler, but it didn't faze the blond as he stared unemotionally at the anthropomorphic knight. And said knight gave a nod to his side to a red-haired woman in an armor of her own and with a glare.

"King Faust wanted to show his concern about the queen's health." The redhead, who was a stunner with a curvaceous body that her armor showed off, started, "After all, the Exceed are treated as deities for their abilities, and he'd be sad if she were ill. It's been far too long since we last saw her amongst her people."

The butler walked past them, and before the redhead could yell at him, he answered, "Tell the king he has nothing to worry about while I am at Her Majesty's beck and call. And if you wish to continue this chatting, follow me. Her tea is getting cold and the cheese I got for her crackers is still fresh."

The redhead did as she was told, though reluctantly, "Tsk, does he ever show any emotion?"

The larger knight answered her, "He's not a bad guy regardless of how cold he seems. Naruto Uzumaki, age 21. When he appeared as a sixteen-year-old here before the queen, he didn't have any idea of how this or any other place worked. However, he was taken by her out of the kindness of Queen Shagotte's heart. The man may not have emotions, he even claims he lost them, but there's a heart of justice in him."

The trio arrived to a large throne room where a female cat very much like Charla sat on a throne in thick robes. Only her head was visible and her face was adorned to make her look more like a deity than royalty. As one, the two knights bowed before her, and the butler merely continued his walk before setting down the tray of treats in a nearby stand before making the tea right on the spot.

"My apologies for bringing them uninvited, my queen." The butler bowed his head as he handed the feline monarch her cup, "King Faust had concerns regarding your health, so I brought them here."

The queen nodded, "Thank you, Naruto, I know that man has his own problems already." She said her worlds carefully before blowing on her tea while the blond sliced the cheese for her crackers, "But I know you wouldn't bring them before me out of the blue."

"I can never escape you, can I?" he asked without a hint of sarcasm, "True enough, I thought seeing Panther Lily could cheer you up."

She smiled at the taller knight, "Indeed. It has been a while. How have the humans treated you?"

"Very well, Your Highness." The panther man answered, "Though rumors about your well-being were worrying more than the king, I among the many. I can now see that rumors are just that."

"Indeed." The butler said calmly before turning to the redhead after putting thin slices of cheese on the queen's snacks, "You can see she's doing fairly well, Lady Knightwalker. Shall I escort you two to the exit?"

"Actually, I came here with a request of my own." The redhead said as she stood up, clutching a spear in her hand, "No one knows for sure, but there are rumors that the queen of the Exceed has not only a butler, but a bodyguard. I wish to see how good a human has to be to serve Her Majesty."

Panther Lily was outraged, "Knightwalker, you can't be serious! Put your weapon down this instant and-" and he stopped talking when the butler appeared at his side in an instant, a hand on his shoulder.

"Allow a simple butler to deal with this." He said while adjusting his gloves, "After all, I also need to crack a few joints into place."

The female knight smirked, "I shall enjoy this."

Naruto slowly raised a hand to his chin, "Since you've travelled all the way here, be my guest and let me…" when he put it over his mouth, three throwing knives popped in between his knuckles, "…entertain you."

Annoyed at the fact that the butler's facial expression remained on a dull serious face, the redhead dashed at him. She held her spear with both hands, expecting him to throw the knives in order to deflect them. It was a shock to her to find that he simply dropped them, he just loosened his grip and let them fall when he was a couple of steps close to her.

"Your tricks won't work!" Without thinking twice, the female warrior threw her spear at him to impale him through the chest, and that was when she lost.

Her eyes widened when he not only stopped her spear by swatting it aside with a hand, but he kicked the knives right at her. Her initial reaction was to yank the spear to block them, but he had already gripped her weapon and kept it tightly in place. Without any other option, she jumped back and let go of her weapon, which he then proceeded to throw at the red-haired knight's feet.

He stared at her and threw something at the redhead, which she caught baffled, "My apologies, I didn't want to aim at your face, just your hair."

She gasped when feeling her own blood drip down her cheek from a cut, and stared at him with both anger and, dare she admit it, awe, "I see you're not here just because you serve good tea."

"May Her Majesty and the heavens forbid my usefulness is restricted to tea time." He told her in his monotone and put his arms behind his back, "I'd like to know why King Faust would be concerned with my queen and her health. I mean no offense to him or the crown, for I am human, not an Exceed. I cannot ask for such a thing, but I am curious. He's been very reserved lately."

"The fact Her Majesty has been reserved lately is what worries the king." Panther Lily answered the butler, who gave him a court nod in appreciation.

"You have my thanks, now…" he pulled his pocket watch and sighed, "It is almost time for the queen's bath time. If you'll excuse us, I have to prepare her tub."

The two nodded and left awkwardly, to which the queen commented, only after they left, "You never bathe me or keep schedules for my hygiene, so what is the matter?"

He adjusted his monocle and approached her with his arms behind his back, "I have kept my eye on the king, Your Highness, I-" she raised a paw to silence him.

"Please, do not address me like that while we're alone as friends." She told him and smiled softly.

He didn't bat an eye but nodded, "Forgive me, then. I am not used to people treating my kindly right from the start. Odd as it is to arrive in this world and lacking so much, it is something of a relief to have you."

She closed her eyes sadly, "As it is to have you. But I still feel like I am taking advantage of you."

He placed a plate of crackers with cheese for her to enjoy, "Enough of that, I chose this. I may not have my emotions or be… really myself after that encounter with my other self, but you are too kind for me to just leave alone with someone like Faust." He adjusted his tie as he stood straight, "Perhaps I lack the ability to feel, but I can still tell the difference between good and evil. With or without empathy, I can see the man has a soul more putrid than a pile of puke. His stench is certainly disgusting."

She blushed at his words, "My, for not being someone with anger, you certainly are… very vocal about your opinions."

"I guess I still keep that part of me that dislikes those who are cruel but cherishes those who show kindness." He kneeled before her and refilled her cup with more tea.

"I do not deserve someone like you at my side." Was her answer as she felt her humble nature bring a few tears to her eyes.

He caressed her cheek with the back of his hand to keep any tears from staining her face, "Do not worry, my queen, I promised to help you no matter what, and I am not the kind of man to break his word."

"Thank you…" she answered fully heartfelt.

XXXXXX

"Boy do I have a killer sweet tooth." Naruto mumbled as he drove by the streets back home, "I'll give the cuisine here a thumb up for having way more flavor than normal ramen, but it makes it hard to choose…" he slowed down near a bakery where the smell of freshly made chicken sandwiches with hot sauce hit his nostrils, "Ah St. Gentlemen Bakery, you always know how to make me happy."

As he walked in, passing by a man dressed in a colorful suit that was taking his time choosing his meal, he grabbed what he wanted for dinner and was ready to pay.

The rest of his day would have been uneventful, but, "Ah, someone took the last good sandwich and left one with a hole." Naruto noticed that the man that paid after him was leaving in a hurry, "Ugh… I wanted to taste the famous chicken sandwich at least once…"

He saw a very busty blonde with her hair done in adorable pigtails, her breasts threatening to pop out of her white top, and warm brown eyes. She looked distraught as she seemed to contemplate whether or not to get the sandwich with a hole, and he looked at his with freshly baked bread. As the playful bastard that he really was, he felt tempted to eat it and ask her what was wrong after taking a bite, if not for her hand.

"Fairy Tail?" he noticed the pink emblem on the back of her hand, and while confused he decided to see what was going on, and to earn some charisma points, "Well, that's unfortunate but fortunate for you, little lady." He approached her with his hat tipped up and his warmly smiling fox face, "St. Gentlemen only makes those sandwiches in the morning and afternoon, so if you want the fresh ones, you're out of luck."

The girl sighed, "I see, the-" she was surprised as he handed her his meal, "Huh?"

"Don't worry, it's not a problem. I just want to talk with you." He started.

He shouldn't have been surprised when she moved into a defensive stance and looked for something in her pocket, "Stay back, you weird old man?"

"Old?" he asked with a perfectly acted chuckle, "I'm twenty-one. Anyhow, I just want to talk with you. I'm an acquaintance of your guild." He handed her one of his cards, "Name's Naruto Uzumaki, inspector and administrator at the council. I usually deal with the toughest guilds, yours included."

The girl read it and pocketed it, "I see, still, you don't seem like an inspector."

"Have you ever seen one?" he rhetorically asked, "Most guilds are either somewhat reasonable or at least follow the norms. Guilds like Fairy Tail are a danger to walk in."

She paled at some memories, "I can't argue with that. So, Mr. Uzumaki, why do you want to talk to me?"

He put his hat on his chest and bowed a bit, "Just consider it an informal interview to get to know better a new mage in the system. After all, I'm not one who wants to overlook details, and even less when there is a pretty lady around."

His words caused the girl to blush and look away, very flattered, "Well, you're certainly a decent gentleman. Oh!" she clasped her hands and bowed her head, "I am Lucy Heartfilia, nice to meet you and sorry for not introducing myself earlier!"

He put his hat back on, making sure to cover his eyes as he processed her last name, "Heartfilia, huh?" he knew she was worried with how he said her name, so he tipped up his hat and smiled warmly, "That's an odd name if I can say so, and I'm named after fishcake. Sorry, a girl of the heart, huh? You certainly look cute and energetic enough to be that."

She felt herself blush again, "Thank you, Mr. Uzumaki. So, um, where do we start?"

"How about after I get myself something else for dinner in the park outside this place?" he asked and patted his empty stomach, "I'm craving blueberry pie all of a sudden."

Later, they sat on a bench with the blond enjoying a slice of blueberry pie with a plastic fork and Lucy trying to contain herself from finishing her sandwich too fast, "Alright, what do you need to know?"

"Well, for some reason there are guys at the council that ask for the three measurements of each adult girl that pop in, but I'm not them." He answered with a shrug and noticed the girl's eyes twitching as her hand reached for her pocket, "Worry not, I make sure to put the word 'secret' in each slot so whoever wants to know shuts up about it."

She relaxed a bit, but her hand remained near her pocket, "Why bring that up?"

"Some of the guys at the council try to get the pretty girls into being models." He answered matter-of-factly, "I bet you know a cute lady called Mira at your guild, right? She's the face my bosses want people to put together with your guild, not some of the… more energetic ones."

She groaned, "You could call them destructive and I wouldn't object."

"See, that's part of the job, I can't talk too badly about anyone or I get into trouble." He sighed and pulled out some papers after setting his half-eaten slice of pie on his lap, "Feel free to fill that one if you are tight for cash and feel like you have what it takes. Now, the real meat here is asking about your abilities? You can keep quiet about it in case it can harm you or reveal some secrets that could harm your performance."

"I'm a Spirit Mage, so that's kind of self-explanatory." She answered, and his eyes lit up.

"Really?!" he chortled, confusing her, "You're the first I've met that isn't a…" he rubbed the back of his head, "Well, you're the second one I've met, and the good thing is that you aren't like the first one."

"How so?"

"Well, she wasn't the nicest of people, she even used one of her spirits like some… pimp, for the lack of a better word." He let his act slip as he could growl in anger, "It may disturb you hearing me say so, but it's no wonder that not a single soul mourned her when she died."

Lucy was frozen in horror, "E-Even so, to say that of some-"

"Sorry!" he returned back to his act, rubbing his face tiredly, "It's been a long day, and… No, there's no excuse. That lady was a piece of work, using a poor female spirit despite the poor sweetheart's protests like a two-bit…" he let his face fall into his hands, "Sorry again, the memories really irk me."

"Then let's change subjects." He heard the shift in her tone, she was more sympathetic towards him, meaning she also felt angry hearing the story.

Taking a deep breath, he rubbed his face a bit more to hide a smirk at another memory, 'It doesn't hurt that I took cute little Aries-chan's key from that witch.' He thought and resisted the urge to pat his shirt's breast pocket, "So!" he returned to a calmer appearance, "You rely on your spirits to do most of the fighting, so it must be tough to be among some of Fairy Tail's… uh…"

"Strongest?" she asked, confused.

He nodded, "I tried to say elite, but you can see why it's hard to even call them the best." He looked up, "Well, actually, the really good ones are mostly the girls. Mira's great and a love, Erza is tough and her attitude of no-nonsense really helps, Levy is adorable and at least tries to be polite… and now there's you."

He was happy to see her smile, "Do you always flatter girls?" she didn't seem to mind he did.

"I like to think of myself as a professional charmer." He snickered a bit, "One needs to know his way around people in this line of work to get something done, and it helps greatly when I have to see pretty faces."

She giggled but nodded, "Thank you. So, what else do you want to ask?"

"Nothing too serious or invasive, just a simple summary of what you can do will suffice, and I'll handle everything." As the two talked and enjoyed dinner, the blond pondered on what to do with the pretty girl. She had some interest abilities, summoning spirits of all things, and was quite lovely, "I think I got it… Would you mind me seeing you in action?"

"What?" she grew worried, "You know the mages at my guild and how dangerous they are, and you want to tag along?"

He smiled, pulling out one of his cards, "I may be an office worker, but I got my tricks." He threw the card, nailing it to a tree with some wind chakra. Lucy was impressed already, but she'd have been more had she seen him cut a mosquito perfectly in half with that throw.

Surprised, Lucy put some thought into it, "I'll talk this out when I get a mission, alright?"

He beamed, "That's good enough. See you tomorrow, then. Oh, and if you want, I can treat you to lunch."

Her cheeks grew red and a smile spread on her face, "Thanks."

With that said and done, Naruto walked to his single-room apartment. Nothing big or out of the ordinary, just a small cozy home with everything he needed, and a perch to put his coat, scarf and hat on. As he sat on the sofa he stared at a single key in his shirt's breast pocket with a ram horn design. Tiredly, he used it and saw a girl that could only be described as fluffy and cute. Long pink hair, a curvaceous petite body that could make any man and even some women happy, and a shy expression on her face were what he needed to smile. He didn't mind the ram horns or wool dress that seemed designed to make her more sheep-like.

"Ah, Mr. Naruto!" she blushed and bowed to him, which made him smile.

"No need to be so formal, Aries." He started and eyed her with his friendly attitude, "Say, I met a Spirit mage just today, and was wondering if, after everything that happened, you'd be interested to hear me out."

She looked away, "But why…? After all that happened and how mad you seemed about her-" he cut her off with a hand on her head while standing at his full height. Aries blushed even harder as she tilted her head back to look at the taller man whose warm smile had her heart skip a few beats.

"I won't force you to anything, but if you want to start anew with a proper mage, I may have found the proper one." He offered her a seat and walked to his kitchen, "How's green tea sound?"

"Oh! Uh… lovely!" she curled into a ball on his sofa, her knees on her generous bosom.

He handed her a cup while the water boiled and sat on his couch before her, "After recovering your key from that site, I knew I wasn't fit to have you around. Sure, I summon you, but it's not like we have a contract. If anything, I'd say we're just friends who like to chat. Well, I do, in exchange for knowing more about you spirits."

She was captivated by his warmth and nodded, "Because you're so kind, caring, and…" she blushed, "You… really took care of me after that… event. After everything that happened, you could just sell me, but you have kept my key safe to look for a good mage for me. I fully trust your judgment with all the effort you've put into making me feel happy."

He chuckled, "It's the least I can do for a pretty thing after what happened to you at the hands of that b-" he thanked his lucky stars that the pot's whistle stopped him from breaking character and cursing, "Sorry, I'll be right back." After swiftly filling her cup, he continued, "So, would you be interested in getting to know her? At least after I make sure she's fit for you."

Aries was confused, "But didn't you say you found the right one?"

"I said I may have…" he shrugged, "I can't really let the same story repeat itself, so I want you to accompany me to see how well she does and hear your thoughts." He sealed the deal with a playful grin, "I really do want to see you happy for a change."

Hiding her beet red face with her cup, Aries nodded while looking away from him, "If… If that's what you want, Mr. Naruto, I wouldn't mind."

He grinned and closed his eyes, really happy with himself, 'This could be interesting. Helping Lucy to get all the gold keys could give me access to see what these spirits are like, and perhaps even learn how to be whole once again without needing him.' He slightly opened one eye, giving himself a predatory look that Aries didn't notice with her cup on her face, 'And with all the people playing around, pulling strings behind so many, I'd be glad to know if they have ways of making them regret their existence.'

XXXXXX

"Your Majesty, there's really no need-"

"Shush, I can't have you work for me and not worry."

In her massive chambers complete with a bed that would be too big for a human family, Shagotte was busy moving her paws over Naruto's body, her paw pads hovering inches from him. He sat on the bed and felt slightly bored as the queen without her robes tried to tend to him. Worry was all over her face. Her hands glowed with energy to see if he was injured or harmed in his latest battle.

"If Erza had harmed me, I would have known." He reasoned, but to no avail.

"And I can't be sure that King Faust didn't order that kind of fight to get one over you… Ah!" her gasp made his head turn as she pulled out a tiny needle from his arm.

He arched a brow and rolled his sleeve to see… not a single sign that it had been there, "Was that really there, or are you-"

Her glare said she wasn't kidding, "This needle has some sort of ointment on it. Whatever it is must have dulled your senses when it pierced your skin. Who even knows what it may have?" she threw it down and he let out a sigh of relief as he moved his arm.

"My arm feels a bit lighter…" he opened and closed his palm and smiled, "If it was poison, my body must be dealing with it. I'll give Knightwalker credit for being sneaky, but the question at hands is: what to do?"

Shagotte put a paw to her chin, pondering, "The king will think he poisoned my bodyguard… Why not let him think so?" she told him with a slightly devilish grin.

"You have your mean side, my queen. Can't say I blame you considering who we're dealing with, though." He told her and she smiled warmly, glad he was safe.

It was an odd friendship both had, but they knew things would get crazy sooner or later.

XXXXXX

And that's my rap!

I say very often that the girls in Fairy Tail are the more developed characters, because I can sum up Natsu as being an idiotic hero, and he mainly wins because… magic. When you go, "it's magic, I don't have to explain shit" then you should know that you're digging yourself a grave. Jojo's Bizarre Adventure may be ridiculous, but they keep a consistent tone with the absurdity in it where I can believe playing poker can kill.

Speaking of Jojo, I hope you noticed the references. Kira Yoshikage as a villain is a gift to this world for being so oddly refreshing. So taking a few tips from how to write villains from Jojo, I want to make Yami/Naruto here as falsely charmingly phony as fuck. Reason being that, as he said, he doesn't feel like he has much to worry about in his life and it's all mostly a game to him to reach his simple goal.

WARNING: Wendy will be in the harem, but she'll be in after the island trial arc, in which she'll remain out to age into her adult/Edolas form. Relax now if you felt uncomfortable about her crush on the inspector.

WARNING 2: Queen Shagotte has a human form to be with the butler, so you can relax since I'm not weird enough to make a man fuck a cat. Really, some anti-furries didn't get past the first chapter and already told me to kill myself, thus why I put this here.

Swordslinger out!