Sans in a 'bar fight'

Author's note: Sans is almost the same as the canon one. But the world he's in is my own. There's a lot of story behind it, but I won't write that today. Maybe I'll write some other one-shots and anyone interested can try to piece it together. Hope that clears up a few things.

Jake felt the wood beneath his feet give ever so slightly, no doubt creaking like wooden floors are wont to do. He couldn't have walked any quieter even if he'd tried. Not that he needed to. The room was filled with chatter and music, the sound blending into the background, obscuring his steps more efficiently than the softest of carpets.

Walking up to the bar counter, Jake found a stool beside another customer. He lifted an eyebrow at the guy's choice of beverage.

"Ketchup? Really?" He asked incredulously, pausing for a moment to call out his own order once the bartender turned towards them.

The other guy grunted, taking a swing out of the red bottle. "Not your business kid. Just leave me alone."

The voice was hoarse and tired, sounding more dead than any sound Jake had heard before. Not too surprising, considering what the sound was coming from.

"I could say I'd love to, but that would be a lie." He said, throwing back the shot of whisky the bartender had placed before him. Scanning the entity to his left, Jake fished out a piece of slightly crunched up paper from his pocket and slid it over to him.

The guy was wearing a blue hoodie with the hood pulled over his face. It was impossible to see his face from this angle, but his body went unnaturally still when he saw the wanted poster.

A low humming sound came from within the thick fabric, and Jake realized it was laughter. Frowning slightly, the bounty hunter tried to shake off the uncomfortable feeling in his stomach. He had done this dozens of times before. Demons or monsters made no difference to him. There was no job he wouldn't take.

"Oh, you don't want to do this kid. Trust me." Sans said, turning his head towards Jake.

The assassin froze when he saw the dark sockets in the skeletons white skull. He almost had to force himself to breathe again, heart hammering like a terrified bird trying to escape.

Jake narrowed his eyes as he scrutinized his target. Revenants were some of the more powerful monsters out there. It was his first time actually confronting one, but he had heard the stories. Intelligent, fiendishly powerful, and disgustingly hard to kill.

And well... that was why he hadn't come alone.

"How come someone like you can just sit here? Drinking ketchup of all things, in the middle of bar during the busiest time of day and not be noticed?" He was actually quite interested. He had seen some ridiculous things be overseen by the oblivious public, but this seemed to be stretching it a bit too far.

The skeleton shrugged. "Magic." Was all he said.

Jake shook his head in resigned amazement. Right. He should have known.

"You know, you seem awfully calm for someone who is about to die." Jake commented idly, eyes skimming over every person within his field of vision.

The monster shrugged again, taking a swing of his ketchup. "I've been through worse."

A muscle twitched above Jake's mouth, threatening to make him smile. He forced the urge away. This was not the time to joke around. He had a mission to do. Sighing, Jake stood up from his bar stool, smoothing back his greased black hair.

"You trying for a comedian? With your skills, I think you could shoot for better heights."

The second the word 'shoot' left his mouth, several dozen gunshots echoed through the building. Everyone had pulled a gun and shot at the target in perfect sync. Even the bartender had pulled out a .45 caliber glock. The wooden bar he had just been sitting at was shredded. Most of the wood splinters had stuck in the wall, and the rest to the ceiling.

Sans was gone though.

Gritting his teeth, Jake moved to pull out his phone. He had placed a tracker on the monster's jacket. Even if he somehow managed to escape the first attack, he couldn't have gone far.

A disturbing clacking sound reached him as he moved to unlock his device. Looking up to see where the sound was coming from, Jake's eyes nearly bogged out of his head as he saw Sans casually leaning back against one of the walls in an abandoned cubicle. He was clapping, the sound of bone hitting bone was disturbingly chilling. Even for a veteran like him.

"That was well done." Sans praised, admiring the wrecked bar. "You made everyone in the bar one of your cronies. It's rare to find people that go to so much trouble picking at my bones."

An oppressive atmosphere settled over the entire establishment as Sans somehow closed his sockets. "But I did warn you..." When he opened them again, his left eye was burning blue. "... you would regret it."

Jake threw himself to the side as a wall of sharp bones materialized from nowhere, piercing the people behind him with sickening squelch and screams of agony.

That's when hell broke loose. The hired goons fired wildly, trying to hit the skeleton with everything they had. His team was more sensible, and took shelter in the kitchen as the rain of bullets fell.

"That didn't go as planned." Carla frowned, fishing out her rapier. Magic runes and seals stretched across the blade and handle, flowing to life as she fed it energy.

"You think they can take him?" Caius asked absentmindedly as he threw off his bartender outfit, revealing dark clothes with in-sown kevlar padding beneath.

Jake took a look outside

They couldn't take him.

Bullets were hanging harmlessly in the air in front of Sans, building up a lackluster wall of lead with every shot that rang out. The skeleton calmly plucked one out of the air to study. It shone bright red, and was clearly enhanced with some sort of spell. Jake wasn't sure whom among their hired militia had been smart and skilled enough to bring enchanted rounds to this fight, but he was thankful for the fortune. The bullet exploded a moment later, sending a large part of the bar up in smoke and flames.

The goons cheered, celebrating their victory before the smoke had even settled. Jake had seen enough cartoons to know what was going to happen next.

Sure enough, when the dust cleared, the skeleton was still standing there. Not a smudge of soot on him. Not even his jacket had been ruffled. He was simply standing there with that creepy smile of his, his eye still burning blue.

The cheering stopped.

"Man… You really had to ruin such a perfect day didn't you?" Sans mused, walking calmly towards the crowd of people taking cower at the other side of the room.

Shouts of panic and fear reached the kitchen and Jake just managed to close the door before a set of wickedly sharp bones penetrated the thick oak.

A blue light shone from beneath the door. Jake backed off, butterflies dancing in his stomach. That had been close.

Thoughts raced through his head.

The monster was powerful. Ridiculously powerful. Jake had always taken the highest precautions when dealing with beings potentially stronger than his team. The operation had taken more than a month of intelligence gathering, preparation and maneuvering. The monster had clearly been taken off guard. And yet they were still this outclassed?

In the back of his mind, he wondered what the Organization would do if they didn't make it back. Would they send some of the first hunters, or would they simply let the monster be? Based on the skeleton's actions so far, the contract had been given a relatively low agency. The only reason Jake had even taken it was a concern about the monster's power. He had been classified as a Revenant after all. But who had ever heard about a Revenant with telekinesis!? The strongest telekinesis Jake had ever seen as well. This was ridiculous!

"Right. You guys ready?" He asked, calming his beating heart. He scanned the determined faces of his comrades for any trace of hesitation or fear. He found none. The siblings nodded, brandishing magical weapons and armor.

Jake pulled out his own gun. This was exactly what it was meant for. Enchanted bullets forged with divine silver were deadly for practically any supernatural being. And the targeting seal woven into the gun assured him a near perfect hit record.

Bursting through the door, Jake froze.

The Revenant were standing in the middle of the room, face hidden by his blue hood.

There were no more fighting.

Sans had already won.

"Crap." Caius summarized their thoughts perfectly.

Still though. They had taken on this contract, there were no backing down now. At this point they probably couldn't get away even if they tried.

Brandishing her sword, Carla sprang forward. Crossing the distance between her and the skeleton in a fraction of a second. But despite her inhuman speed, she couldn't hit Sans. The skeleton seemed to dance around her attacks with minimal effort, his eternal smile never-wavering.

Jake lifted his gun, waiting for an opening. Sans took a small step backwards and there was a fraction of a second as the bullet had an open path to travel. Jake fired. The magical projectile cleared the distance in an instant, impossible to affect with all but the most powerful of magics.

And Sans vanished.

"Scary weapon you have there." The raspy voice commented from his side, dark sockets studying his gun intently.

Jake jumped back. Heart hammering.

The action allowed Caius to swing his massive arms at the smaller creature. The motion was stopped in midair, a blue aura surrounding the giant of a man as he was lifted from the floor.

"I really, really, don't like people messing with my quiet time. I have enough stuff on my plate without you humans poking at my ribs." Sans said, voice as casual as if he was talking about the weather.

Jake reached up and fired several rounds in quick succession, trying to force the monster to let go of his friend.

This time however, Sans didn't disappear. Instead, the unblockable bullets were stopped. Completely neutralized by the skeletons blue magic.

"Wha-" Jake began. Eyes wide.

At that moment, Carla came rushing forward, thrusting her rapier towards the short monster. It too, was stopped. The girl was lifted into the air much like Caius. She tried to say something, but no sound escaped her.

Soon after, Jake suffered a similar fate, his gun being wrenched from his grip by an unstoppable force.

Fifteen seconds. That was all it had taken for the monster to neutralize some of the Organization's best hunters.

A sound not unlike laughter came from the being in front of them. "So easy…" Sans shook his head. "If only…"

Jake shook, he was prepared to die. At least that was what he had been telling himself all these years. He had come pretty close a number of times, but now that the end was staring him right in the face, he couldn't help but be taken by fear. He feared for his own life, and the life of his comrades that had fought by his side for so long.

Sans looked up at them, his ever-smiling face burning itself into Jake's mind. "Goodbye humans."

The world went dark.

Jake awoke to the sound of sirens.

He blinked. Surprised he was still alive. Looking around, he quickly located Caius and Carla. They were lying unconscious on the floor beside him. Some of their hired crew was also stirring awake it seemed.

They weren't dead?

Staggering to his feet. Jake made his way towards the stacks of people in the back of the bar. Some of them were clearly not in good shape. Broken bones and wounded bodies were everywhere. Some were clearly pierced by something sharp, but only in nonlethal positions. No matter where he looked, he couldn't find a single dead body.

The bounty hunter laughed. Relief or shame, he didn't know.

He was still laughing by the time the police stormed the building.

Author's note: So yeah… Undertale…

I got this thought in my mind and just had to write it. Took about 4 hours with all the obsessive corrections I do.

Don't look at me like that. I just wanted to get it down on paper.

And yes, I am a Sans fanboy, and not ashamed to admit it. His entire character is just too cool for words. I love the dude.

…

I regret nothing.

Original publish date: April 1. 2017

Edits: June 6. 2017