You're a History in Rust

Sometimes all you need is a little push.

Rubble.

The wind whispered softly between the shattered windows and broken light poles, the remnants of civilization. Whistling and whirling and calming as it blew. The light breeze rustled the treeline, sent dust and ash twirling in small circles, elicited groans of delight from rust and metal structures. A small, quiet hum from the earth itself as if to say, "good morning, I am still here".

And on this morning, the two were at rest. There in the center of the road, surrounded on all sides by towering and yet crumbling architecture, were a pair of androids. Walking the street in silence, side by side, their heads kept straight but their eyes no doubt darting in each direction.

"I'm not picking up anything yet, 2B." The shorter one said, fingers at work in the air before him. They strode slowly, warily, at the ready for anything.

The taller one nodded, heels clicking against the cracked concrete. "Stay vigilant, 9S. They could be cloaked." Her hand was clutched tightly on a sword strewn across her back, at any time ready to explode in a flurry of razor-thin swipes.

But her tight grip relaxed a bit as he shook his head. "No, I'm really not seeing anything. I think the target left the operations area." He said.

"Mmm." She was quiet for a moment, now standing stock-still. The wind rustled her shock-white hair just a bit, and she pursed her lips as it passed by her mouth. There was a tense moment as the pair stood there, like a sheriff and deputy awaiting the dastardly bandit rounding the corner for a shootout. Neither of them moved as he patiently awaited her next order.

With a light, metallic 'clink', she shifted her posture and released her weapon. It continued to dangle freely, just inches behind her, as her hand reached her hip. "We'll have to keep looking," she said softly, mostly to herself.

They sought a group of robots containing sensitive data once thought to be long-lost. Diplomacy was, as usual, not an option. Supposedly the mysterious foes had been forced into combat by protocol, not by choice. 9S had suggested hacking the data out of them, leaving them in peace, a plan 2B was reticent to if a bit wary of. Either way, she knew there was a delicate ballet of dancing between blades in her near future.

For the moment, though, the targets were nowhere to be seen.

"They must have come this way." 2B murmured, looking for anything in the surroundings that may give an indication of life.

9S dropped his hands, spotting nobody but themselves, the wind, and the ground they stood on. "Maybe they knew we were coming and fled. I think they're gone, 2B."

Her thin hands suddenly clenched and unclenched- perhaps a twinge of nervousness at leaving their objective unsecured. "Let's keep moving, perhaps they're further up the road," she commanded gently.

"Okay," 9S replied.

And so they walked as before, just as slowly but a bit less cautiously now. The wind continued to rustle the wings of fabric hanging from their blindfolds. Neither of them spoke; there was no need. Small talk was nice from time to time, but at the moment there was just nothing to say.

The road bent around a corner and they followed it somewhat aimlessly. As they rounded it onto a new street, 2B considered the structural anatomy of a city. Roads forming veins and sidewalks forming capillaries that twisted and connected one another, organs being joined by massive spanning highways once jammed every day with that lifeblood that was humanity. Crumpled buildings, old space designated just for comfortable living, clogged the veins and choked the heart and now it was just a dead body. An empty shell, like an android with its OS chip stolen. And yet, what the humans had created remained so picturesque, even in its current state of decay.

She tried to focus on the objective but something nagged the back of her brain. Something buried deep in a variable of a function of a subroutine told her she should be admiring the peace. She didn't want to. In her mind, there were more important matters to focus on than the scenery. But she had to admit, to herself at least, that the lack of life was almost as serene as it would have been back in its bustling day.

"3% air-to-atmosphere humidity... chance of rain 5%... surface temperature 20 degrees celsius..."

"What's that?" 2B asked, turning to him.

9S raised his head like he'd been awakened from a deep slumber. "Oh! Oh. Nothing, I was just admiring the surroundings. It's a... nice day. Comparatively."

She nodded in a way that meant "you're right", but instead she just said, "I see." Her mouth formed a hard line as she glanced down at him. She wanted to admonish him for not focusing on scanning for hostiles, but he'd said they were gone and she knew she had to trust him. To her, what was a partnership without trust? Faith, even? 9S had a habit of becoming overwhelmed by emotions- he focused so much better on pathos than she felt she ever could. But even so, she trusted his decisions and assessments one hundred percent. She had nobody else to trust anymore.

"2B..." He began, but shook his head after a moment of thought. "No, never mind."

"What is it? Picking something up?" She asked, her posture snapping to attention.

"Oh, no, it's not that. Really, never mind." He said with another firm shake.

She continued to look at him, their walking pace slowed once more. Behind the blindfold she could tell his eyes were pointed at the ground, watching his shoes, by his lightly tilted head. She knew his mannerisms so well now, every facet of his programming or his personality or whatever she felt like calling it. Something bothered him, and she knew he knew she knew. That is, he could tell she was aware of it. Otherwise he probably would be keeping watch.

"Speak your mind," she said. It wasn't a command this time so much as an offer.

He shrugged almost smoothly enough so as to be nonchalant. "It's nothing, really. It's just, do you think the humans ever have moments like this? What do they do when there's nothing else to think about, I wonder?"

Now it was her turn to shake her head. "I don't know, 9S." Initially she was curt, but then she relaxed a bit, her stiff shoulders dropping. "I would assume they feel much the same as we do. They consider existential subjects to pass the time."

He blinked a few times, silent. "You feel that way? I... hadn't thought of that, really."

"Oh," she murmured. Whoops. Another gust of tickling wind sent particles of ash skyward, tumbling up and up en masse as if flying away to heaven. The warming glow of the morning sun peaked over the tallest buildings, casting just cracks of light on the road between plateaus of shadow. They walked through the mist, dancing little sprites weaving between their bodies.

"What do you mean by, existential?" He asked. "I didn't know you thought yourself a philosopher."

She sighed. "It's not that. One can't help but want to know the answers to these things, even though such answers probably don't exist."

"You say that so scientifically."

"I do," she said.

9S was silent in response. For a moment 2B thought she may have offended him- she hadn't meant to. She felt a twinge of something that might be called regret at her cold, mechanical reply. Every time she spoke to him, she'd noticed, she came out of it assessing every word she'd said. Not for anything specific, trigger words to inspire thoughts and feelings in him, but perhaps to wonder what he thought of her when she spoke.

Of course, to find that out for sure, all she'd have to do is ask him. But instead she squeezed her eyes closed and drew a deep, cleansing breath.

She was startled then when he spoke once more. "What do you think of me?"

Her composure returned after a split second of some feeling just barely a neighbor to fright. "How so?"

He was now looking at her too. "Well... The reason I bring up the humans is because we're kind of in a similar place now, right? Do you consider me, or at least you and I, in the same way as you do them?"

An exhale of relief left her nostrils. "I do, yes. It's hard not to when you think about our purpose, isn't it?"

He nodded, the tiniest hint of a smile on one corner of his lips now. "You're right. Though I think the endorphins we feel are a little bit more situational than theirs."

"You'd be surprised," she said quietly. Another fluffy cloud of ashes passed them, and they both returned their attention to the road ahead. Neither wanted to speak anyway for fear of getting ashy particles in their mouths. Nothing more professional than sputtering to get soot off of your tongue.

His words rang in her head, and she wasn't sure why they affected her so. She knew deep inside that he was just being playful, but she hadn't been. Suppressing her own emotions became hard more frequently than she was willing to admit even to him. Sometimes letting it slip was a bit freeing. Every time she called his name when he was in danger, every time she gripped his hand to pull him off of a dangling cliff face or held him in a ball to keep him from shattering on hard concrete... her heart raced. Just like a human's.

And now, she supposed, she was feeling somewhat existential. What was their relationship, really? Were they just partners? She knew she felt something more, but she just couldn't put her finger on what. It was foreign to her mind, and yet so familiar FEELING. Perhaps this was how 9S felt when he thought of her, whatever this still-new strange emotion might be.

For what seemed like ages they remained wordless. 2B had noticed that one of them had stepped closer- perhaps when she was looking at the readout of 9S' scan for hostiles -and ever since they'd been directly side by side. She appreciated the closeness, it made her feel more safe. 2B didn't need protecting, if anything it was the other way around, but having him so nearby provided some kind of small comfort she needed. Something she almost craved when they were operating separately. She didn't want to admit it, but she'd grown borderline addicted to their dynamic, his company. Not just as partners.

And she knew already, so very well, that he felt the same. He'd showed as much through those same emotions he was so much better than her at expressing. And maybe, she thought, that was the problem. She'd suppressed her emotions for so long that thinking them had become totally foreign to her. She felt overwhelmed. Like she was being compromised by a virus attacking her core, but somehow worse. A pressure on her chest. She squeezed her eyes closed.

The beautiful scenery and the rustling wind and 9S began to disappear as she just listened to the sound of her own breathing. Her eyes closed, visuals deactivated, she tried to escape the sudden harsh feeling. Or at least assess what it was. Her mind raced at a hundred miles an hour to find the source of the feeling and exterminate it. Overwite a variable. Flip a boolean. Something. Her eyes darted beneath her eyelids as she clamored to stomp it out before it could make her feel its worming effect. She was nearly panicking inside now, lost in her fervor, and it was only making her feel worse. She needed to make this go away, to stop herself from feeling what he felt about her. She had to.

She had to, for him.

"2B..?" 9S's neck craned to stare into where her eyes sat behind the blindfold. "Are you alright? Your vitals are rising a little."

Her own self-analysis ceased at the sound of his voice. She opened her eyes. "Maybe it's nerves." She said, hoping he didn't notice her sputter. "We need to recover that data."

His lips formed a hard line. "Right, yeah. I'll do another scan." He went to raise his hands to perform another environmental scan, but found one arm heavier. She heard him swallow audibly beside her. He stopped walking.

She said nothing, taking one more step before the tug of his limp arm stopped her. She spun her shoulders, posture stiffening involuntarily as she turned. At the sight, she expected to feel overwhelming horror. She'd psyched herself out about it so much that she was afraid her anxious heart would just beat out of her body. But instead she felt... relief. Calm. That rush of endorphins spoken of that told her that her panic was for nothing.

Their hands. Lost in thought, she'd interlocked them.

She looked, wordlessly, from their hands up his arm to 9S' unmoving face. Then back. Completely subconsciously, she'd slid their palms together so gently she hadn't even noticed and now they were linked together. She was embarrassed and astounded all the same, but she didn't let go.

"2B..." He was looking her square in the eyes- at least, when she met his gaze every couple seconds -and he wore an expression of concern. He began to repeat his question. "Are you...?"

She felt a pang of pain in her chest, such a human feeling. Such a foreign feeling. She wanted so much to tell him that she knew about his affection. Conflict, a dissonance roared through her brain as she experienced a sudden logic feedback loop. She wanted to tell him, but if she told him it might ruin what they had, but it would ruin what they had if she let these feelings continue, but she wanted to let these feelings continue and tell him, but if she told him it might ruin what they had, but it would ruin what they had if she...

"No." She muttered practically weakly. "No, 9S, I'm not... okay."

So innocently, he took a step closer, squeezing her palm in his. "Do you need me to patch you up? What's your blood filtration status? Should we rest?"

His hand was so soft and gentle, but there was such a deep-seated implication in his motion. Her delicate wrist felt like it might just snap right off, as did her heart.

"No, no, and no." She gave one shake of her head with every word. "9S... I think I've been compromised."

He squinted. "Compromised how?"

She stared at their hands, her fingers tensing and flexing around his knuckles. "...Emotionally." She muttered.

He stood stock-still, and she could tell immediately that a sense of guilt was washing over him. "Oh," he said simply. He gingerly began to release her, drop his hand back to his side. 2B suddenly lurched forward, fumbled for his hand and caught it again.

"No," she begged, "please." She couldn't express it. She heard and felt a grainy static bursting through her ears as she pushed and pushed her body further. Faster and faster, crunching every number she could, her mind rotated like a car tire, skidding out against the friction caused by these unrecognizable feelings.

9S could sense her unease. He placed his other palm atop hers, clasping her hand in both of his. Beneath his blindfold, concern showed on his face. She wanted to tell him so badly what she felt, and just from seeing her rattling frame, he'd become aware of it. But what could he do? He obviously wanted to embrace her or hold her or SOMETHING, but he knew it would only upset her further.

She looked so... vulnerable all of a sudden. Walking tall, standing proud, she practically never demonstrated any weakness. She wouldn't let herself. But now, trembling and aching under 9S' tender grip, she looked so much more frail. Hell, she felt much more frail. This frightening and imposing beast, this perfect statue, reduced to quivers at something so simple as 'feelings'.

He took a step closer. "Can I be honest?" He asked gingerly.

She nodded robotically. "Of course," she replied, barely above a whisper. Both words dripped with something she couldn't identify, almost like sorrow. She didn't want him to see her like this, but she also so desperately wanted this moment to continue.

"I... like this." He rubbed the top of her hand lightly with his clasped palm. "I'm sorry."

She felt like she'd been shot. Her biceps, the muscles in her arms in general, tensed as pain yanked her like a leash. "No, don't say that." An intense heat projected from her body. His apology was the last straw. She felt something snap deep, deep, deep within her very core. It bubbled up, like a clogged faucet ready to explode forth.

She forced it out. "Don't be sorry..! You can't control this feeling and I can't either anymore and it's just so hard to keep it down and I'm just so sick of trying and it just hurts so badly and I want to know what it's like to think of you the same way you think of me and, and..."

Her train of thought crashed then, derailing as 9S stared down at his shoes once more. "You... know the things I think about you?" Embarrassment clouded his features.

Her mouth formed a small 'o', and then hung slack-jawed. She narrowed her brow, suddenly confused. He didn't think she was aware? He made his opinion of her so obvious, even though only through subtext. So obvious in fact that she'd thought all along it had been his intention. To dance with the wolf, to poke the sleeping lion. But him thinking he was actually being sneaky brought her a small bit of much-needed humor.

Just enough that a twinge of bravery returned to her. "I do. You don't hide it very well." As the words left her mouth, she regretted saying it even though she hadn't meant any offense. Thankfully, he didn't seem to take any.

"And you feel the same way?" He met her stare again. Beneath his blindfold, his eyes were as wide as dinner plates. It seems at first he'd only heard the first bit of her confession, but now it was all dawning on him.

At his meek expression, something inside her finally changed. Understanding, a wave of relief, crossed her. She'd become so worked up over her own thoughts that she hadn't been at all considering his. And as she hesitated to answer him, her eyes rolled back in her head just a little as the static gave way to perfect clarity. Not just metaphorically, either. A practically countable amount of some strange fluid-like feeling burst through her brain, numbing her for a split second. Like the blockade had been removed and the self-suppression lifted. It felt so... right. She blinked a few times to return her vision to normal, and she practically bored holes in his skull with piercing lasers as she gave a curt nod.

"I know now." She said. "I do."

He leaned forward. "You do..? You do?" A genuine, ecstatic smile came over his face and it seemed as if his every childlike dream had just come true. Like a young student with a crush on his teacher. "You do! Oh, wow!"

He released her hand and clenched his into excited fists. She let her arms drop to her sides as they suddenly felt like they weighed hundreds more pounds than she already did. He looked like an excited rabbit, about to start hopping around and kicking and bucking with glee. Seeing him so pleased made her want to smile now, but she held it back. Instead, she just watched him as he celebrated to himself.

He pointed a single finger at her, wagging it lightly as he beamed. "You... You don't know how relieved I am, 2B. This sure is something alright."

She nodded, folding her arms beneath her chest. Her lips curled into a somewhat sheepish grin of her own. "Believe me, I feel the same relief."

"Are you aware of how long I've felt this way about you? And how long have you felt the same?" He tilted his head, stepping closer again. She could tell his mind was probably thrumming with questions about her affections. She felt an intense guilt at the former question and she so much wanted to spill everything to him, but there would be another time for that. The latter...

"Ever since the first time we protected each other on the battlefield, I think I knew we were compatible." She said. That was a clear enough answer for now, she felt.

He laughed dryly. "Wow, even back then, huh..." To him it felt like weeks ago, but to her it felt like years.

2B started a sentence, stopped, and then started over again. "I think that we're going to be... I think that we're going to become closer."

His response was just above a whisper. "Me too. I hope so."

She chuckled just once. One lonely 'ha'. "Hope, huh... I agree."

They stood there, staring at each other, standing so close now that their breathing was warm in one anothers' faces. They watched each other exist for a bit, neither of them speaking or moving or really even thinking. The two of them suddenly felt a connection that was brand new, in whole to 2B and at least in part to 9S. More than just partnership. More than just friendship. More and more and just more than anything they'd ever felt. 2B lowered her head down to 9S', tilting to the opposite side he was leaning and coming so close that their noses nearly brushed. Her plump, full lips formed a small pursed shape as she put her hands on his shoulders to steady him- he was, of course, trembling. The bravery he'd inspired in her came to its absolute peak as her lips hovered just centimeters from his.

"I want this." She whispered, both to him and herself, and then bridged the gap before he could respond. He melted into her embrace, his every tense muscle relaxing as both their eyes fluttered closed even behind the blindfolds. She met his lips a few more times, lightly but with raw unfiltered passion. He wobbled a bit under her kiss as it seemed to steal the life right out of him, just so real and honest and something he'd never seen from her before. It felt so special to him.

She pushed their bodies together just a bit further, raising him up on his tip-toes with light force so she could plant tiny pecks on his cheeks, his jaw, his forehead. He responded in kind with a gentle rub of her back, letting her do her dastardly bidding to his now-blushing face. When she'd finished running her free hand through his hair, exploring nearly every surface of his face with her lips, she pulled back. She looked as if she had no idea what she was doing.

He shook the fuzz out of his head. Playfully, he smiled. "Wow... you're insatiable, ma'am."

At his sudden taunting, she released him and her eyebrows shot up and she... snorted. She snorted. "I don't ever want to hear you call me that again," she responded.

But the ash whirled around them, the wind seeming to pick up noticeably as the corpses of the buildings groaned. The atmosphere around them changed, and they pulled back from one another to notice that dark clouds were approaching from the east. The sun had fled, casting dark shadows on them. Both of them felt a small tingle of pain at the wonderful moment having given way to reality, but they knew that there was of course still work to be done.

"Seems that 5% chance was good enough," 9S murmured to himself.

"Yes," 2B responded curtly. They stood stock-still, listening to the rumble of far-off thunder. It would not be a pleasant drizzle, that much was for certain.

"I've got a bad feeling about this." He said, eyes narrowing. "Doing a scan."

But there was no need. "HOSTILE LIFEFORMS DETECTED," rang out 9S' pod, and suddenly a cold wind blew through both androids.

From the nearby rooftops, the robots they'd been seeking tumbled down to the ground below. It seems their prey had just found them, and were in such large numbers now to be predators. Their cold, spherical heads shone bright angry expressions, some of the robots twice as large as the pair or bigger.

"Ngh..." 2B cocked her knees, yanking her sword from behind her back as dozens of them came down with no regard for gravity, smacking against the ground with metallic thuds. On all sides they were surrounded, and the encroaching circle of machines backed them up until they were merely a step apart.

A particularly big one clanged its fists together, steam and smoke hissing from the rusty stacks jutting out of its hunched back. Sparks flew as the smaller mobs got to their feet and pushed to the front of the pack, pawns forming a first line of defense. There would be no diplomacy here, it seemed.

9S raised his arms in preparation to start the battle off with a bang, and 2B looked over her shoulder at him. An even deeper sense of camaraderie than usual washed over them as their targets' severely underestimated numbers continued to pile up. They gave each other a quick, but warm grin.

"Let's complete our mission, we have a lot to talk about." She said, her grip tightening on her sword.

"Let's." He said back with a nod.

Thank you for reading. Please take the time to leave a review, this is my first entry into Nier: Automata. I feel great love for the game and I hope I've done it justice.