Episode One: The Rise of Voltron Bloopers

S'up everyone! So a little while ago, me and my friend Megan decided that it would be a lot of fun if Voltron had bloopers. So like, the characters are all actually actors (with the same names, to avoid confusion), and this fanfiction will follow the bloopers of each individual episode (inspiration on this from AnimationNut).

There will be character development outside of the shows plot (so, what their "actors" are like), but it won't be super in depth. This is cross posted to my Ao3 account, TakingOverMidnight3482, where I hope to be able to add in Megan's art of some of the bloopers. I'll let y'all over here know when that officially happens. If you're confused about anything, feel free to let me know!

Any unfamiliar text is mine, all other text is directly from the episodes.

Happy April Fools Day!

Take One

The space craft shuddered as they descended to Kerberos and Hunk trembled, fingers flexing on the cool metal of his arm rests. "Lance, can you keep this thing straight?" he groaned.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Why's it gotta be straight? Why can't it be gay? I'm just getting a feel for the stick!"

The look he shot over his shoulder, along with the single finger gun, made everyone groan. The lights flickered back to full strength and Pidge clambered out of her seat, high fiving Lance. "Nice!"

"I thought so."

Alfor groaned from the director's chair. "Lance, say your lines right this time! I'd like to get this all done in one take! Let's take it from the top!"

Take Two

"Pidge, hail down at them and let them know their ride is here."

She unbuckled obligingly, clambering up onto her seat as instructed and grabbing for the CB mic and bringing it to her mouth. "Attention lunar vessel-!"

The simulator rocked more violently than she had anticipated and Pidge yelped as she was sent to the floor, arm taking the brunt of the weight. The vessel stopped it's shaking and Lance and Hunk both darted to her, laughing but still concerned. "You okay?" Hunk asked, helping her back up to her feet.

Pidge rolled her eyes good naturedly and shoved them off. "I'm fine. If you weren't such a terrible pilot, Lance."

He snorted and poked her glasses up her nose. "Yeah, keep telling yourself that. Back from one?" he asked Alfor.

The trio turned to look at the director, who was talking quietly with the script writer. "Actually, just go back to Pidge's line of 'Attention lunar vessel.' And Pidge, we think you should fall again. It adds to the overall failure of the mission, makes Lance's piloting seem even worse."

Pidge chuckled and saluted the director. "See Lance, I told you you're a terrible pilot."

Take Three

"Attention, lunar vessel! This is Galaxy Garrison rescue craft One-Victor-Six-Three-Tango coming in for landing and extraction! Against crew recommendations," Pidge muttered, giving Lance an evil side eye.

Lance huffed. "No time for your mutinous comments now, Pidge, they're going under and we're going in."

He tilted the craft downwards, towards the planet, and Pidge yelped quietly. "Look out for that overhang!"

Lance grinned. "Don't worry, my first year in flight school, you know what they called me? They called me The Tailor, because of how I thread the needle."

Pidge immediately started choking, face turning red and doubling over, breath coming out in wheezes as she laughed. Hunk, next to her, was snickering as well, both hands clamped over his mouth like somehow that would help them not ruin the scene. Lance, still in the pilot's seat, was grinning from ear to ear, and the crew was full on howling.

Alfor was smiling and shaking his head. "Lance, that isn't your line. Your line is supposed to be, "Don't worry Pidge, I got this!""

"To be fair," Pidge managed to say around her laughing fit, "that does sound…way more Lance-ish to me."

"Ditto," Hunk snorted.

Alfor snorted. "All right, all right. You can keep it. But try to keep your laughter in until after we complete the scene, everyone. Back to one!"

The last of the doctors fell to the floor and Keith darted forwards, pulling his bandanna down and reaching out, gently turning Shiro's face over in his hands. His breath hitched and he pulled back, jaw falling slack. "Shiro?"

Shiro groaned and peeked up at him through lidded eyes, a small smile on his face. "You gonna kiss me or save me?"

Keith snorted, fighting the grin on his cheeks and shoving Shiro's shoulder. "Last time I try to save you. Tell me I don't have to do that whole fight sequence again?" he asked.

Alfor had his head in his hands when they looked over. "You do. Shiro, can you please stop teasing Keith every time he has to be worried about you?"

Shiro laughed, shifting his position back into the one he had to be in. "Come on, Alfor, you know that acting with your siblings means messing with them."

At the deadpan look he was sent, he raised a hand, shaking his head. "Yeah, yeah. I'll stop fooling around."

"Good. Keith, back to one. Let's do this right this time, mmm? Take seven!"

"Big guy, lean left!"

Hunk obliged, leaning left hard and sending their craft veering away from the pursuing Garrison vehicles. Behind them, several of the cars flipped into one another, exploding. "Aw man!" Hunk yelped. "Mr. Harris just wiped out Professor Montgomery!" A pause as Hunk glanced back and then, "Oh no, he's fine."

Keith looked over his shoulder at him, hair momentarily blocking his vision. "Big man, lean right!"

Hunk leaned as Keith turned, but their descent was too quick, and Lance went tumbling off of the machine and face planted into the rocky terrain. Keith stopped the vehicle, laughing, and twisted to look at him. "Lance are you okay?"

Lance managed a weak thumbs up and Pidge chuckled, shifting Shiro so that he was no longer leaning against her lap. "Can't believe Lance is fucking dead."

His thumbs up turned into a middle finger.

Hunk glanced up from his device, looking around the rocky terrain. "I'm getting a reading." He and Pidge traversed over the ground, pausing as they hit the marker and waiting for everyone to catch up before entering the lion cave.

"What are these?" Shiro asked.

Keith glanced around. "These are the lion carvings I was telling you about. They're everywhere around here."

Lance strolled up to the cave wall, pursing his lips and leaning forward to squint at the carvings. He lifted a hand, brushing at the dirt that covered one of them, and yelped softly as it lit up under his fingertips. The entire cave turned shades of bright blue, and the group stepped back into a huddle.

"They've never done that before," Keith managed.

There was a whirring sound, and then the ground under them opened up, sending them down a water slide and to the cave below them. Groaning, Pidge stood up and glanced around, lifting an eyebrow. "Um…guys, where's Lance?"

"Up here!"

They all tilted their heads back to see Lance standing at the top of the hole, waving down at them with a sheepish smile on his face. "It didn't fall under me, or I guess maybe I wasn't standing in the right spot. I got stuck."

Alfor groaned. "Props, rebuild that floor. We need to do that again, Lance, you're literally the reason you're all falling in the first place. Wardrobe! Get the rest of them a dry set of clothes! We'll come back in ten!"

"How did they find us?!"

"I'm not sure," Lance grumbled, "but I bet it's Keith's fault."

Keith huffed. "Say whatever you gotta say to make yourself feel better. After getting us stuck on the other side of a wormhole!"

Lance twisted, clenching his fists and pressing his forehead to Keith's. "I'll stick YOU in my wormhole!"

The whole floor went dead silent. Keith, literally centimeters away from his face, was slowly turning the color of his jacket. Lance couldn't figure out what had happened for a second until he ran over what he had just said. His face burst into flames. "A wormhole, A wormhole! Oh my god I cannot believe…"

He buried his head in his hands and cast and crew alike began dying of laughter, Pidge and Hunk slapping each other repeatedly and Coran bent at the hip, hands on his knees and wheezing. Keith started chuckling and shaking his head, his face still bright red, and even Shiro, who had been walking into the shot to try and break up their fight, was laughing.

Alfor, still in his battle suit from the previous scene, was cackling so hard that he had needed to sit down, shoulders quivering with mirth. "We need to….we need to…set up and do that again," he managed to get out, cheeks rosy. "Oh my….start up with…with the alarms blaring….holy…"

Lance scowled at everyone, but his lips were twitching at the corners. "Hardee har har. Very funny."

Keith snorted and bumped his shoulder, drawing Lance's attention to him. He winked. "Any time, Lance. Any time."

Pidge and Shiro exited the jungle they had been trekking through and glanced up, surveying the area. Pidge pointed. "Look!"

Off to the side of the water was a canoe, carved with a lion head at the bow. For a moment, Pidge could only stare, but then something moved in her peripheral vision and she and Shiro both glanced to their left, only to see a giant sloth standing there. Pidge shrieked, Shiro yelping behind her, and she scrambled up his body, clinging to his shoulders. "ALFOR. WHAT THE HELL?!"

The crew and cast off screen finally broke, laughing hysterically as Pidge slowly got off of Shiro, eyes suspiciously perusing the missing cast and then spinning on the sloth. "LANCE."

The sloth snickered and the head was pulled off, revealing Lance inside of it with a wide smile on his face. "Yeah, Pidge?"

"You SCARED the SHIT out of me! No one told me that there would be a giant SLOTH MAN!"

Shiro had a hand over his heart, the other on his knee, and was struggling to breathe normally. "Jesus, give a guy a little warning next time," he groaned. "I almost decked him."

Alfor grinned. "Last minute adjustment to the script! But Pidge, up until you screamed my name, that was perfect! Lance is going to be steering your canoe."

"Great. So we're probably gonna drown."

"Would you like to?"

"Oh yeah, sure," Hunk grumbled, kneeling down and picking up the wires he was supposed to tap together. "Just drop me off on an alien planet. That's cool man. It's only occupied by mean purple aliens that want to kill me, but whatever. Just ignore them and go connect with a bi- OW! Who thought it was a good idea to have these actually spark?!"

Alfor rubbed his head in exasperation. "Piiiiddddggge?"

"I thought it would be more authentic!"

Take One

"I know the Princess said this is supposed to be my lion, but what if she's wrong? I mean, she's a probably not wrong, she's a princess, but I'm not a princess- shit. Hang on."

Take Nine

"I know the lion said this is supposed to be my Prin- nope, that's not it."

Take Thirteen

"I know the Princess said this is supposed to be my lion, but what if she's wrong? I mean, she's probably not wrong, she's a princess, but I'm not a pilot, even though I've always wanted to be a pilot. I mean I read all the manuals but I never got to fly the simulator. But hey, I can't be worse than Lance, he crashed all the time. But what if I get in there and….and…shit. What's the rest of the line?"

Take Seventeen

"I know the Princess said this is supposed to be my lion, but what if she's wrong? I mean, she's probably not wrong, she's a princess, but I'm not a pilot, even though I've always wanted to be a pilot. I mean I read all the manuals but I never got to fly the simulator. But hey, I can't be worse than Lance, he crashed all the time. But what if I get in there and it's too big and my feet don't touch the pedals? WHAT IF THERE AREN'T EVEN PEDALS?"

"Oh wait…shoot. Hold on Pidge, we weren't filming. We're gonna have to do that take over again."

"Are you KIDDING ME?"

"You made it!" Allura said in delight.

Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah, just barely. That was a nightmare. I almost puked out there. I felt like Hunk!"

"That's unfortunate," Keith muttered under his breath.

"RUDE."

Behind the Scenes

Coran glanced over the assortment of donuts that had been left out on the table, a frown turning his mustache downwards and his eyebrows furrowing. Keith, across from him, grabbing his usual strawberry frosted donut, looked up at Coran with curiosity. "Something wrong, Coran?"

"My donut. It's missing. I suppose the food crew must have forgotten it. Though I don't see how, there are only 10 actors they buy donuts for."

"Donut counting is more of an art than a science," Keith mused, a mischievous twinkle in his eyes.

"I resent that."

Pidge lifted her bayard, testing the weight of it, and Lance leaned over with an amused look on his face. "Awww, you got a cute little bayard!"

She glared at him sideways and flung her bayard out with a smirk, hitting him in the gut with a burst of electricity and sending him to the floor with a shriek. "Yeah. It is pretty cute."

"Pidge!" Alfor snapped. "Stop putting ACTUAL ELECTRICITY in the PROPS!"

In the voice recording studio, the cast stood, reading over their scripts and waiting for Alfor's signal from the other side. On his cue, Shiro started speaking. "Does anyone have any ideas of how to form Voltron?"

"I don't see a "Combine into giant robot" button anywhere on my dashboard," Hunk whined, shifting on his feet and scanning down the script.

"This is insane!" Pidge yelped. "Can't they just cease fire for one minute so we can figure this out? Is that too much to ask?"

Keith huffed. "We've got to do something!"

"COMBINE!"

Hunk body slammed into Keith, sending both of them to a floor and effectively knocking over Lance and the script stands in the process. Lance, from underneath Keith, groaned. "Hunk, what the heck?!"

"It said I body slam into Keith!"

"Your lion body slams into Keith, not you!" Lance clarified.

"Oh….sorry, Keith. You okay?"

"….I think I sprained my wrist."