Series: Snapshots of the Past

Story: Crossroads

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: The characters depicted in this story belong to NBC, WB, Aaron Sorkin, and John Wells. We're just borrowing them for some fun :)

Story summary: When a serious accident threatens the lives of two members of the Bartlet family, it puts everything in perspective and leads to important decisions for Jed and Abbey as they recover from the aftermath.

Author's Note: Thanks to all the readers out there for still reading this series after all these years!

It was a clear April night in 1987, the last day of school before spring break in the Manchester School District. Ellie Bartlet bundled herself up and stepped onto the porch for a night of stargazing. The winter chill was still in the air in these early days of spring, but she didn't care. The sky, with all its twinkling stars, mesmerized her. They weren't always visible in Manchester - blurred by clouds or the city lights of Boston only 40 minutes away - a night like tonight was a treat and Ellie wasn't going to take it for granted. She had even managed to persuade Zoey to join her. Kicking her feet in the air, the younger girl sat on the swing and listened to her big sister's astronomy lesson.

It was Jed who first inspired Ellie's interest in astronomy. He'd filled in as co-leader of her girl scout troupe and taught her to navigate by the North Star during a camping trip. He picked up on her enthusiasm and soon, a lecture on the North Star turned into a lecture on the solar system. Ellie had been enamored ever since. She'd be a scientist someday, her parents were convinced. From the time Abbey bought Ellie her first chemistry set, the blonde preteen had discovered her love and talent for science. The only blip in her excitement was the Challenger disaster, but with true Bartlet resilience, she overcame the trauma and grief triggered by watching her hero die on national television. As she recovered from the shock, she dusted herself off and clinged even harder to her love of astronomy.

Her telescope was black and portable with a three-inch aperture. Top-of-the-line for kids, Jed had told her when he gave it to her as a Christmas present. In the summer, it lived in the backyard, mounted on its tripod for late summer nights or sleepovers when she wanted to show off for her friends. In the winter, she parked it in her bedroom and sometimes, if the forecast and predictions were just right, she pointed the lens out her window in anticipation of catching of the slightest glimpse of the Aurora Borealis, the beautiful light show that she'd been obsessed with since the family's trip to Sweden.

She brought it downstairs aimed it at the sky that night on the porch. "You wanna see Saturn?"

"YEAH!" Zoey hopped out of her seat and hurried over.

"Okay, don't move it." Ellie helped guide her as Zoey stood on the tips of her toes to look through the eyepiece.

"WOW!" Zoey was instantly impressed. "You think daddy will buy me a telescope?"

"Sure, if you tell him that's what you want for your birthday or something."

The girls continued their exploration of the solar system with Ellie pointing out the small spec she'd recently learned was actually Neptune until Abbey opened the door in search of her youngest daughter.

"Zoey, did you finish your math worksheet?"

"Not yet."

"I told you I wanted to check it before bed."

"Ellie said she'd check it," Zoey lied.

Abbey looked to her middle daughter for confirmation.

"It's okay, Mom. I'll do it." Ellie covered for her. She felt like she had no other choice.

"Okay," Abbey agreed. "I want you both inside in 10 minutes. I'll be upstairs."

As soon as the door closed behind her, Ellie turned to her sister.

"Zo, you have to finish the worksheet."

"I don't understand it."

"But I explained it to you."

"I didn't get it and it's too late now. Can't you do it for me? Please?"

"No! I did it a few times in the past as a favor. But you have to do your own homework!"

"Ellie please?" Zoey pleaded. "Just this once?"

"You always say 'just this once.' "

"But it takes you 5 minutes. It'll take me all night."

"How are you supposed to learn if you don't do your own homework?"

"I'll do it next time, I promise. PLEEEAAASSSEEE?"

Ellie pondered the request carefully as she went back to her telescope. She hated the position she was in and she fully acknowledged that it was her own fault. If she'd just said no the first time Zoey asked her to do her homework, she wouldn't be in this mess now. She seriously considered going to Abbey and confessing what she'd done for Zoey's own good. She silently debated it, but knowing the repercussions they would both face for cheating, she didn't have the heart to go through with it. Instead, she dismantled her telescope and led Zoey back in the house, promising they'd finish the worksheet together.

The sun crept slowly above the horizon the next morning and the dark moonlit fields began to glow in hues of red and yellow. The buzz of an alarm clock pierced the silence of the master bedroom. Abbey turned it off, but didn't rise from her bed. She covered herself in blankets and stared straight ahead, reflecting on the incident that was about to make today one of the worst days in her career.

A patient had died on her watch. Francis Pendleton. She missed the fatal diagnosis that killed him and now she'd have to discuss it, openly, for the sake of review at a conference of residents and faculty. An M&M is what it was called, short for Morbidity and Mortality. It was a monthly event, but for the first time, all eyes would be on Abbey and the resident she worked with that day as they detailed the admission, the surgery, and the postoperative complications that took Mr. Pendleton's life.

She continued to lie there until the phone rang.

It had to be Jed.

"Morning, beautiful," he said before the receiver even reached her ear.

"Hey." She smiled. "You're up early...for you."

"I wanted my voice to be the first thing you heard this morning."

That voice. That strong, loving voice that filled her with reassurance and calmed her immediately.

"You always know just what I need."

"Hold that thought until tonight."

"Are you going to tell me where we're going yet?" He'd promised a special night on the town, but refused to give any details.

"Trust me, sweet knees, you don't want me to give it away."

His lips curved into a mischievous little grin. He reveled in surprising her and this surprise was going to be one like none other. He could hardly wait.

"Don't forget to bring my engagement ring," she said, reminding him how important it was that he remember her ring. She could have kicked herself for leaving it behind at their D.C. apartment when she visited two weeks earlier. She'd taken it off for her shower and the second she stepped out, Jed had intercepted her, pushed her up against the wall and kissed her passionately. During their playful tussle, she heard a sound, the clinking of metal hitting the floor. Few things would make her ignore that sound, but Jed had her just where he wanted her. His touch, his chest pressing against hers, the feel of his hot breath against her neck as his fingers trailed down her belly and between her legs. He gently guided her toward the bedroom and just like that, the rings was a distant memory. Afterwards, when she went back to search for them, she was horrified to realize her engagement ring was gone.

What she didn't know was that it was intentional. After they made love, Jed returned to the bathroom, where he picked it up off the floor and hid it in his pocket. He had ulterior motives and plans for that little gem. Abbey searched the apartment, but never found it. She was so upset, she almost postponed her return flight home, but he promised he'd look for it in order to rush her out the door. It wasn't until she landed in Boston that he finally told her the ring was safe and sound and that he'd bring it to New Hampshire on his next trip.

"I won't forget it, don't worry," he promised that morning.

"You're sure it's not scratched?"

"I'm looking right at it, Abbey," he assured her. "It's perfect."

"I'll never take it off again."

Zoey opened the door then. She stepped inside, still in her PJs, and Abbey held out a hand to her. The little girl hopped up in bed beside her mother and Abbey pulled back the sheets and covered her up with the blankets as soon as she got comfortable. They cuddled like this a lot of mornings when Jed was away. Zoey was the only one of the Bartlet girls who routinely woke up early enough to spend some quality time with her mother before the start of the day.

"Did you sleep well, sweetheart?" Abbey gently brushed her bangs off her face.

"Mm hm," Zoey nodded. "Is that Daddy?"

"Who else would it be, silly?" Abbey teased her.

Zoey smiled. Her favorite part of the morning ritual was the daily phone call with her father. "Hi Daddy!"

Jed replied loud enough for her to hear, "Good morning, sunshine. Is Ellie up too?"

"No and she yelled at me when I tried to wake her!"

"That's not very nice," Abbey consoled her.

"And she threw a pillow!"

"She threw a pillow?"

"It hurt too! See?" Zoey pointed to her hand. Not a mark on her, she milked her mother's sympathy.

Abbey suppressed her chuckle and kissed her daughter's hand in an effort to comfort her.

"Jed, you want to talk to Zoey for a sec? I need to wake sleeping beauty."

"Tell her I only have a few minutes if she wants to say hello," Jed said.

"I will." Abbey handed Zoey the receiver and climbed out of bed.

"Daddy, will you buy me a telescope?"

Down the hall, Abbey heard the shower. Ellie was up at least, she thought. She knocked twice on the door, then opened it and let herself in. It was a big day for Ellie. The last day before spring break was also the day of the science fair and Ellie was given a prominent spot to put her project on display. 'The Four Seasons,' she'd titled it, a look at the sun's rays striking Earth and the resulting creation of seasons. She was excited about it, but as usual, her enthusiasm was stunted by nerves. This happened every year and no matter how much support and encouragement she got from her family, the only cure to Ellie's performance anxiety came at the end of the day when she was finished presenting.

"Ellie?" Abbey called her.

"Yeah?"

"How're you doing?"

"Fine."

"I'll accept that answer after you tell what happened between you and Zoey."

Ellie paused for a moment and contemplated that question. "What do you mean?"

"She said you threw a pillow at her."

"I didn't throw it at her. I threw it at the wall," she said from behind the shower curtain.

"Well, that's not what she said."

"She's a drama queen."

"No chance you're just nervous and irritable?" Abbey already knew the answer to that.

"No," Ellie replied, unsure of her answer.

"I think you are."

"I don't mean to be."

"I know you don't. It's okay."

"I'll apologize to her."

"Good. You're going to be amazing, sweetheart. I'll have banana pancakes waiting downstairs before school."

Banana pancakes were her favorite. Ellie rushed through her shower and hopped out to get dressed as quickly as she could and meet her family for breakfast.

Thirty minutes later, Abbey had finished her own shower and was in the middle of making breakfast. Since Ellie couldn't take her project on the bus, Abbey had decided to take both girls to school that day and had given Mrs. Wilburforce the day off. She made and plated a big stack of golden brown banana pancakes, just as she promised. It was Ellie's favorite and a must on a morning when she was clearly nervous. Abbey poured maple syrup on top and garnished the plate with fresh strawberries before setting it in the middle of the table and calling upstairs for her daughters.

She turned her attention back to the table and that's when she noticed it. Once again, she'd set a place for Elizabeth. She shook her head at that. God, how she missed Lizzie. It had been two months since she married Doug and moved out of the house, but Abbey still forgot from time to time. It was bad enough that Jed was in Washington most days; losing yet another place setting at the table was difficult to get used to. Liz lived only 10 minutes away. She visited often and called even more, but it wasn't the same as having her here and looking across the table to see her smiling face at breakfast. Even her frowning face, complete with sassy teenage rebellion, was better than not seeing her at all.

Abbey returned the plate and glass to the cupboard, then looked back at the table.

"Guess it's a party of three," she whispered to herself, disappointed.

Seconds later, as she pulled out her chair to take a seat, the phone rang. She assumed it would be Jed, but this time, it wasn't.

"Hi Mom," Liz said. "Just wanted to tell you I'm thinking about you today."

Abbey took a breath and smiled at her eldest daughter's voice.

Morbidity and Mortality conferences were an imperative part of the practice of medicine. When a patient died, it was important to discuss it, reconstruct the case, to examine and scrutinize the decisions made, the illness and diagnosis, the procedure that went wrong and ultimately ended in death. Every medical specialty hosted their own interdepartmental M&Ms after a loss, but it was surgery that was known for being the most brutal of the bunch. Internal medicine was rough and constructive. Family medicine was supportive. Psychiatry was understanding. Abbey remembered attending all of these in medical school and even then, she wondered why it was that surgeons ate their young.

As a student and later, as a resident, she was a spectator. But today, she'd be in the spotlight for the first time in her career as the death of Frank Pendleton was reviewed by her peers. It was a humiliating exercise in patience, being forced to sit there as others, with the benefit of hindsight, judged and criticized her actions.

Dressed in a dark gray tailored suit jacket, matching skirt, and a burgundy silk blouse, she took her seat and began to recount the events of the case. She presented the history in excruciating detail in a steady voice and laser-focused eyes that scanned every person in the room. Her demeanor was calm, emotionless, until she reached the postoperative hours and the error she made. Her conscience betrayed her then and her nerves of steel dissolved ever so slightly with the remorse she felt in her heart. She completed her presentation and with great reservation, she allowed for questions, fearing the most obvious one.

"Why did you send your resident home?"

That was the question she thought they'd ask. Frank's death was the result of a lethal drug interaction. He'd given a complete list of his home medications to the resident, but sick of repeating himself, he'd only provided a partial list to Abbey. Had the resident she was working with still been there, he might have intervened, might have informed Abbey of the medications left off the list. His absence was a glaring contribution to the fatal mistake and Abbey was the one blamed for sending him home because he'd been on duty for 28 hours and she felt it was unsafe for him to continue.

If only he'd stayed an hour longer, Frank may be alive today, she thought. And then, she realized that no one in that room said it. She was greeted by silence at first and then, a few gave voice to their curiosities. It was without the judgment she expected, but her feelings were still raw and she was more sensitive than usual. She reasoned it out and to her relief, not one of her peers accused her of being negligent. She fielded all the questions and answered them appropriately, turning the blame on herself as if reliving the catastrophic error she made.

When the conference was over, the room emptied quickly and Abbey remained at the table. She felt like she'd been punched in the gut, the way she did that night. She'd lost patients before, a cruel testament to the overpowering nature of fate, no matter how progressive the medicine and how skilled the surgeon. She'd never felt so responsible as she did knowing that it was her actions that led to the end of a man's life. She hadn't yet come to grips with it and today's presentation brought it all back.

The one person still in the room joined her. He sat beside her and reached out in the only way he knew how.

"We all make mistakes, you know," he said.

Abbey looked up at him. Alex Foster, her colleague, was always in her corner. "I know."

"You heard them, no one blamed you."

"Does it matter? A man still died."

"Yes, it matters."

"I disagree."

She stood and Alex followed.

"Abbey..."

"I just want to be alone right now." Her voice caught in her throat.

"You really shouldn't be alone." He grabbed her arm.

"Alex, please..."

"It's okay, Abbey," he said with a comforting voice. "Let it out. I'm here for you."

His arms around her, Abbey squirmed, uncomfortable at the invasion of her personal space. Alex made eye contact, then moved a little closer. His hand cradled the back of her head. He brought her face to his and his lips grazed hers. Abbey cranked her neck back, but he pushed forward. She twisted in his grip, shrank beneath his arm, until he was forced to let her go. She breathed hard, startled and afraid for only a moment before those emotions were replaced by anger and rage. She pulled her arm back and with stinging force, she slapped him across the face.

Alex instinctively touched his cheek, pressed his fingers to his skin to neutralize the pain. Abbey Bartlet may have been a petite woman, but hers was the most painful strike he'd ever experienced. It was also deserved, he acknowledged. He couldn't bring himself to lift his head for fear that his eyes would meet hers and she'd see the shame he felt about what he had just done. It was no secret that he had a crush. But she was a happily married woman and he never wanted to pursue another man's wife. He'd been able to suppress his feelings - until now. Something came over him. Seeing her so complicit, so vulnerable, he couldn't resist the temptation of trying to kiss her and now that it was over, he couldn't overcome the shame. He continued to avoid her gaze.

Abbey turned to leave the room. One step away and she noticed Millie standing in the doorway just as surprised as she was. Had she seen the whole thing, Abbey wondered. Had she misunderstood? Had she thought she kissed this man, that she'd betrayed her husband? Abbey couldn't bear the thought. She refused to look at either person in the room. Instead, she held her head down and rushed out. Millie took off after her.

"Abbey!" Millie shouted.

Abbey walked furiously toward the women's locker room. She shoved the door open so hard it hit the wall behind it, but that didn't stop Millie from following her inside. "I don't want to talk about it, Millie."

"Fine, don't talk about it. Just sit with me for a minute." Millie sat on the bench and left room for Abbey.

"What are you even doing here?" Abbey asked. Millie worked in Boston. It was rare to find her in Manchester in the middle of the day.

"I came up for your M&M."

"M&Ms are private, for staff only."

"Thank you for that piece of information. It's not like I haven't been a doctor longer than you," Millie teased with a grin. "I waited outside. I wanted to be in the hospital in case things got out of hand and you needed a friend. Looks like it's good I did."

"The M&M was fine."

"Yeah."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah."

"You should go back to work."

"So we're going to ignore what just happened?"

"How much did you see?"

"All of it."

"I didn't..."

"You didn't do anything wrong," Millie finished to Abbey's relief. "He made a move and you resisted. Like I said, I saw it all. And can I tell you, I'm glad you hit him first because I was about to take a swing and not with my hand and not on his face."

Abbey let out a soft, tortured chuckle at the thought of Millie taking aim at the most vulnerable area of Alex's anatomy. After the chuckle, came a sigh. "He was my friend."

"No, he wasn't. A friend wouldn't have taken advantage of you on a day like today."

"You're right."

"He put his hands on you. That's assault, even without anything else. If you hadn't pushed back when you did, who knows what he might have done."

"Yeah."

"You're going to report him to HR, aren't you? Hell, screw the hospital. You should report him to the medical board."

"One step at a time, Millie. I don't know what I want to do yet."

"You're going to report him, that's what you're going to do."

"Millie..."

"Okay, the hospital then. You should talk to Nolan. I'll come with you."

"Just give me a second, okay? The past 5 minutes have been a whirlwind. I can't even wrap my mind around it. I need one second."

"Okay," Millie said. "One..."

Abbey couldn't help but laugh as a lighthearted Millie tapped her foot. Abbey slipped her hand into hers and gave it a gentle squeeze. Thank God for Millie, she thought. She always knew exactly what Abbey needed and never hesitated to tell it like it is. After Jed, Millie was her best friend, her biggest cheerleader, and her most trusted confidante. She'd proven it yet again on that stressful day.

After her conversation with Millie, Abbey rushed back to the farmhouse. She stripped out of her clothes and jumped in the shower, desperate to rid herself of every remnant of Alex's betrayal. But it didn't help. No matter how much she scrubbed her skin, she could still feel his arms around her, his hands tangled in her hair, his lips approaching hers, touching them. Why had he done it? Was Jed right all along when he warned her that his feelings for her wouldn't allow them to be just friends? Jed. The thought of telling Jed made her sick to her stomach. Would he be angry? Would he blame her? Would he believe that she pushed him away or would he doubt, even for a second, her fidelity to him and to their marriage?

She finished her shower and wrapped herself up in a terry cloth robe. Jed had plans for them tonight; he'd told her to wear something nice, a step below cocktail attire, but he refused to tell her where they were going. She should cancel, she thought. She'd make an excuse and tell Jed she didn't feel well so they could spend the evening in and she could spill the news in private. It was tempting, so tempting that she almost resigned herself to doing it. But it nagged at her, how much Jed had been looking forward to whatever he'd planned. She didn't want to rob him of that just to keep him home and break his heart. Her confession could wait, she decided. They needed this date night, just the two of them.

Abbey had already picked out her outfit and she'd laid it on the bed before going to work that morning. She looked it at now, the red dress that always made Jed randy. It was form fitting with cap sleeves and black piping down the sides to accentuate her hourglass figure. She paired it with a white gold necklace he'd given her for her birthday last month and a white gold cuff. Remembering the chill in the air, she then rolled on a pair of black silk stockings and slipped her feet into a pair of black Manolo Blahnik stilettos, grabbed a sheer and sparkly long black cardigan, and headed downstairs to find her car keys.

Up in the skies above Manchester, Jed pressed his forehead to the oval cabin window as his plane made its final approach to the airport. A smile touched his lips at the anticipation of the night ahead. He'd planned a romantic interlude with dinner at Abbey's favorite restaurant, followed by dancing, and a special surprise she'd never suspect. He sat up straight as the aircraft touched the runway and taxied toward the terminal.

Abbey waited at the gate for him. She studied the passengers and the second she caught a glimpse of Jed's face, she darted through the crowd to reach him. He was still in his work clothes: a dark suit, white shirt, and a tie the color of his eyes. She threw her arms around his neck and Jed dropped his carryon bag to hold her, kiss her, and squeeze her so tight that he lifted her off the ground. Arms around each other's waists, they strolled together toward baggage claim.

Patsy's was an upscale New England restaurant tucked inside an old colonial inn in Bedford. Abbey loved it here, not just for the delicious food and excellent hospitality, but for the ambiance, the dancing, and the moonlit walks she and Jed often shared on the grounds after their meal. They drove up the circular drive that night and handed the keys to the valet. They held hands as they walked up the small hill to the main floor, then followed the signs to their destination. There were multiple parlors at the inn, each in adjoined buildings connected by covered pedestrian bridges that stretched from white-paneled French doors at every entrance. Each room had its own style and decor and usually, Abbey enjoyed exploring the updates and changes. But tonight, she was focused simply on dinner and hurried Jed along to make their reservation.

They were escorted to a small table beside the stone fireplace inside the restaurant, an intimate location that was somewhat removed from other patrons. Just around the corner, they heard soft music playing and they guessed that couples were already on the dance floor as they took their seats. The waiter handed them a wine list first, followed by menus. Abbey perused it quickly and set it down.

"Are you sure everything went okay today?" Jed asked.

"I told you, the M&M was fine." She'd wait until they got home to tell him about what happened with Alex. "Why?"

"You're so anxious tonight," he said.

"Not anxious; just eager."

"Eager for what?"

"To get you home, of course," she replied emphatically with a wink. He laughed.

It had been two weeks since they last saw one another and neither could wait for the physical reconnection that always followed these separations. Jed's weekend trips from Washington were fun and exciting, the sex often amazing. But tonight, for Abbey it was about more than just sex. She had to tell him about Alex, to talk through it, and process it with him. The sooner, the better, she felt. They finished dinner and dessert and Abbey was ready to hit the road without their usual walk on the grounds, but Jed hesitated as he stood up and stopped her from leaving. Abbey looked at him quizzically.

"What are you doing?"

"I want a dance."

"Jed, we can dance at home," she whispered, "naked."

"As tempting as that is, I want a real dance. Here. Just one, okay?"

Before she could answer, the music changed and the upbeat song that was playing faded into the start of Chris de Burgh's Lady In Red. Abbey cocked her head at her husband then.

"Did you plan that?"

"I really didn't." He extended his hand. "May I have this dance, my lady in red?"

Abbey couldn't deny him. How many husbands were this excited about sharing a dance with their wives? With a nod, she agreed. "Okay."

He led her to the dance floor and twirled her once until she was nestled against him, her head to his chest, her hand clasped around his. They swayed to the music, intermittently locking eyes and staring at one another.

"We haven't danced since Liz's wedding," he reminded her.

"I know."

"That night...I mean, as much as I hated the idea of letting her marry Doug, that night will always be special to me because of you."

Touched by what he'd just said, Abbey pulled back slightly to look at him. "Jed."

"I'm serious, Abbey. You were the belle of the ball and you were on my arm. I've never been more proud."

"Where is all this coming from?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I guess the change in weather has brought out my sentimental side."

"I like it." She pulled him toward her as they continued to sway.

"Well then, this is going to knock your socks off. Remember when I proposed to you?"

"When you proposed?"

"Yeah, the night I proposed. December 1966, remember?"

"Of course I do. It was right after you turned down my proposal."

Jed chuckled at the memory. "I was planning to propose first. You knocked me off my game."

"You're so competitive."

"I'll cop to that," he said. "I'm also a liar."

"Oh?"

"I have a confession to make."

Abbey didn't know if he was being playful or serious. "About what?"

"I didn't forget your ring like I said. I have it right here." Jed reached into his pocket and pulled out her engagement ring.

"Jed!" It took Abbey only 5 seconds to realize it was different. "What is this?"

"It's your ring, with some enhancements."

"What did you do?"

"It's called an upgrade. After 20 years, I thought you deserved one. That's why I kept it in Washington the last two weeks."

"But Jed, I love my ring."

"It's still there. It's just accompanied by a bigger diamond...and a question."

"A question." It was a statement.

"With the exception of the births of our daughters, the day you married me was the best day of my life, Abbey. This July, when we celebrate our anniversary, will you marry me all over again?"

"Oh Jed." She kissed him with a tight embrace afterwards. "I love you so much."

"Is that a yes?"

"I would be honored to marry you all over again."

Abbey excitedly agreed to a vow renewal and suddenly, getting home wasn't as important, at least not for the reason it had been before. Alex was an afterthought now. She held Jed in her arms, wishing she could make this moment last forever. How she ever got so lucky to end up with such a romantic and loving man in her life she didn't know, but what she was sure about is that she'd never take him for granted. She admired her ring under the soft glow of candle light, then gave him another kiss before they resumed their dancing.

TBC