Chapter 3

"Hold…still…stop squirming!" Sasha violently tugged the bindings around Mikasa's ribcage as tightly as possible in an attempt to evenly distribute the mass of her breasts around her chest. The skin of Mikasa's torso was turning red and angry from all the continued chafing.

"I can't help it, you're literally crushing my lungs!" Mikasa heaved, clutching the edge of the kitchen table with whitening knuckles.

"Wow, you have fantastic tits, Mikasa." Ymir lazily poked one with her finger. "How come you've never let me see them before?"

"OH MY GOD, Ymir, go make yourself useful and find some clothes for her." Sasha snapped. Ymir grumbled and sauntered into Eren's room. "Okay, that's the best I can do. Krista? Come help me with Mikasa's makeover now."

Krista spread a brown wig, green contact lenses, stick-on eyebrows, and an assortment of beauty products onto the table.

"Okay, Mika, pull your hair up, let's try on the wig first. And pop these contacts in."

As Mikasa tested out her new accessories, Ymir returned with a bundle of clothes in her arms. "Here," she grunted, throwing them at Mikasa. "Your new wardrobe."

She'd selected a forest green pocket tee, slim-fit khakis, and grey Vans slip-ons. Mikasa shimmied into Eren's clothes as Krista meticulously pinned the remaining tendrils of stubborn black hair under the brown wig. Finally, all the girls stepped back to examine the final product.

"Wow…your face is so…smooth, Mikasa. You look like…a weird, smooth, baby man." commented Sasha.

"And you're sort of lumpy. Kinda like the Pillsbury Dough Boy." Ymir prodded Mikasa's chest again.

"Yeah, if the Pillsbury Dough Boy was ready for child bearing…" Krista noted as she glanced at Mikasa's wide, feminine hips.

Mikasa looked at herself in the mirror and groaned. Her friends were right—she didn't make a convincing man. She had naturally feminine features—her skin was smooth and pale, her face soft and elegant. Mikasa was undoubtedly a beautiful woman, but as a man…well, she looked like a damn child. And although her body was toned and lean, her waist was trim, her hips flared out, and her breasts weren't exactly modest in size. Despite Sasha's best efforts at flattening her chest, they looked at best like soft moobs; at worst, a singular uniboob.

This was a fucking disaster.

"Okay, we need to find something baggier to hide your girl body. Mikasa, think you can survive wearing sweaters for the next two months?" Ymir deftly tossed a grey hoodie at her. The extra layer helped cover Mikasa's shape just a bit more. Now, she just looked like a tall, androgynous child.

"Jesus, I have so much boob sweat, I feel like fucking Bertholt." Mikasa squirmed uncomfortably, trying to sop up her chest with Eren's shirt.

"Well, I think this is as good as you're gonna get. We'll just have to work around it," Sasha surmised. "Now, Mikasa, you need man lessons. Ymir, help her."

"What?! Why me?!"

"Because you've got the most mannish tendencies of us all, obviously." Sasha snapped, as Ymir let out a loud belch from the Dr. Pepper she was drinking.

"Jesus, just because I prefer looking at boobs over dicks doesn't mean I'm a dude. Okay, let's see…channel your inner man, Mikasa. Maybe…think of Reiner. Just try to act like Reiner."

Mikasa furrowed her brows, crossed her arms, and widened her stance, trying to look down her nose intimidatingly at the ground.

"Ew, no, you're not big enough to pull that off, you look like you have a Napoleon complex. Quit swaying your hips when you walk. Be confident. Swing your shoulders more. Elbows and chin out. You're supposed to be a man, not a fucking Neanderthal. Lower your voice. Quit fidgeting. And puff your chest out…"

As Mikasa valiantly tried to assume all the suggestions her friends were throwing at her to enhance her new identity, she realized that this Eren transformation was proving to be a lot harder than she initially expected.

It was going to be a long two months.

Five days later, Ymir's purple Kia Sorento was parked outside of Stohess Hall, Mikasa's soon-to-be new home at Sina University.

"GET OUT OF MY GODDAMN CAR!" Ymir leaned over the console and attempted to open the passenger door to push Mikasa out, but Mikasa swatted her hands away and clutched on the roof handle for dear life.

"No! You can't make me! Drive me back home, now!" Mikasa wheezed, her green eyes widening in terror.

Ymir grit her teeth, her temper flaring.

"I did NOT waste my fucking time teaching you to be a fucking man who lost his fucking balls! You're a motherfuckin' badass dude and you are going to get out of the car and make me damn proud! And quit sweating, you look like a nervous wreck."

"I am a nervous wreck!"

"Oh, cry me a river, you brought this upon yourself. You got your laptop?"

"Check."

"Extra underwear?"

"Check."

"Class schedule? Dormitory info? Campus map?"

"Check, check, check."

"Well, then, you're set, Jaeger. Now get the hell outta here."

From the backseat, Krista gently placed her hand on Mikasa's shoulder. "Mika, you got this. You're the smartest, strongest, and bravest girl we know."

"Yeah," Sasha said sympathetically. "Just survive this week and we'll pick you up on Saturday for a girls' night out. We can celebrate and you can let your hair loose and your boobs down."

Mikasa sighed. "You're right, thanks everyone. I guess I should go now. Well, I'll keep you updated…wish me luck." Inhaling deeply to calm her nerves, she opened the car door and stepped out into the energetic crowd of bustling college students moving into the dormitories.

Inside the car, the girls watched her retreating form disappear into the crowd, silently willing for their friend's success.

"Our baby girl…all grown up and making her way in the world…" Sasha wistfully sighed. "Ymir, let's head back before traffic gets bad." She reached into her jacket pocket and felt something fuzzy…

"MIKA, YOU FORGOT YOUR SPARE EYEBROWS!"

Levi gave the window one last polish and leaned back onto this heels, nodding in satisfaction at his handiwork. Every last inch of his dorm room, including his new roommates' side, had been meticulously disinfected and scrubbed spotless. Proud of his work, Levi peeled off his rubber gloves and began setting up his desk.

He hated living in the dormitories, but as a college athlete, the university offered a generous stipend if he lived in the dorms that he just couldn't refuse. As long as his new roommate wasn't as filthy as Hanji, he supposed it would be better than his living situation last year. Living with Hanji was a fucking nightmare.

Levi began looking over his schedule. Muscle Physiology and Exercise Endocrinology on Tuesday and Thursday mornings; Research Methods, Lab, and his Senior Thesis on Mondays and Wednesdays. It was a bearable course load, but with soccer games, daily practice, and his personal workouts—it left little time for much else.

THUD.

The door banged open, and Levi glanced to see who the intruder was.

He (he?) looked like a freshman student, seemingly out of breath, nervous, and sweaty. A large grey duffel bag hung from his shoulder, his left hand dragged a rolling suitcase behind him, and his right arm balanced a laundry hamper with a soccer ball perched atop.

"Hi," he gasped, "I'm Eren Jaeger. You're Levi, right? I think I'm your new roommate."

Levi nodded slowly. "Your side is over there. Take off your shoes, don't leave your shit laying around, and don't bring any dirty people in here." He returned to his prior engagement.

"Oh…okay…thanks." his roommate dropped the duffel bag onto the bed and flopped down. "Hey, these rooms are pretty sweet, huh?"

Levi grunted in response. He wasn't in the mood for conversation.

"Oh, question, do you know where the soccer fields are? It says here that tryouts are in 20 minutes."

Levi paused from his work, his interest slightly piquing. " You play?"

Eren sat up on the bed proudly. "That's right! Been playing the game since I could walk! Got scouted by universities all over the nation, too. I play all positions, but lately, I've been playing goalie!"

Levi narrowed his eyes and scrutinized him. Eren was a weird-looking guy…his skin was eerily pale and smooth, he had a round softness to him that made him look prepubescent, but his eyebrows were bushy and masculine and could give Erwin a run for his money. From what Levi could tell under Eren's baggy clothes, he looked like a doughy pear. Simply put, he didn't have the hard build of a soccer player.

"…Right." Levi said, unconvinced. "The field's on the north side of campus. I'm leaving in 10 minutes, so you can come along. Don't make me late."

Eren's eyes widened in excitement. "You play the beautiful game, too, bro?"

"Been on the team for three years. Center forward."

"Wow, really? So sick, man! Okay, let me change first, and then you can tell me all about the team!" Eren disappeared into the bathroom.

From first impressions, Levi deduced that his new roommate was a really weird guy. He looked like a fucking middle school kid, talked like a wannabe skater, and had seriously questionable taste in fashion. Who the hell wore a hoodie in 80-degree weather? Levi just hoped he wasn't as weird as Hanji…

"Cause I'm just a girl, little 'ol me!

Well don't let me out of your sight…

Oh I'm just a girl, all pretty and petite

So don't let me have any rights!"

Eren's cell phone was buzzing on his bed where he left it, blasting No Doubt's obnoxiously poppish, girl-power anthem at full volume. Quirking a brow, Levi leaned over to glance at the screen.

Incoming Call: Eren Jaeger

"The fuck…?" Levi thought.

His new roommate dashed out of the bathroom and quickly snatched his phone off the bed. Levi eyed him suspiciously.

"Heh…heh…heh!" Eren nervously laughed and silenced his phone. "Sorry about that. I uh…have a really big crush on Gwen Stefani. She's got really nice boobs…and great…hair." Eren finished lamely.

Levi narrowed his eyes dubiously. What normal male college student had the hots for a celebrity nearly thirty years his senior? He was definitely weirder than that shitty four-eyes.

"Why were you getting a call from yourself?"

"Oh, um…that's just my kid sister…Armin…she thinks it's funny to switch around all the contacts in my phone."

"Your sister's name is Armin…? What the hell were your parents—never mind, we're leaving now. Keep up."

Beaming with overt excitement, Eren eagerly leapt off his bed and followed him obediently, babbling about favorite soccer players and drills.

"He may look like a fucking weird 8th grade kid, but this brat really is passionate about soccer, I'll give him that." Levi thought as they headed to the soccer field. He had to admit—it'd been a while since he met anyone who was half as enamored with soccer as Jaeger. Levi's curiosity to see him play was piquing—was Eren as talented as he claimed to be, or was he just all talk?

Either way, it was bound to be an interesting afternoon.

A/N: Holy shit, thanks for all the follows and kind reviews the last chapter, guys! Sorry it took so long to get this out, but I've been traveling out of the country recently. I'll try to make sure the next one won't take another zillion years to come out, but no guarantees! Really appreciate all the support, though.

I realize that Mikasa seems wildly out of character in this story, but I think it's partially because I'm portraying her as irrationally passionate about soccer, and partially because she's trying so hard to be a stereotypical guy that she ends up seriously overcompensating. Hopefully it doesn't bother you guys too much.

Please drop a note and let me know what you liked, didn't like, or what you'd like to see! I really do take suggestions/criticisms seriously :)

Till next time, lovelies!