Author's Note: Hi all! Very excited to be writing this story and to explore a different A/O storyline dynamic – one that is a lot more complex than in the "Always You" universe. That mentioned, I will be continuing "A Day in the Life," a series of one-shots in the "Always You" universe; however this new story will likely take on more of my attention. As many of you know, I am still in school, but I will likely have more time to write once summer begins!

Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order: SVU. I will be taking some of the dialogue and plot lines from the series and repurposing it.

Timeline: This story begins in September 2011 during the episode "Scorched Earth." That said, Alex and Olivia's history together obviously spans back to Season 2, and this story will retain references and flashbacks to these earlier times. I'm not going to provide too much background here because it will all be revealed during the story; however if you have any clarification questions at any point, always feel free to ask!

Rating: The majority of this story is T-rated; however, I have given this story an M-rating because I will be including explicit scenes. That said, as with my other fics, I will always give an in-text warning before any M content (which I put in bold), so if you would like to just read the T-rated content, that should be easier to do! I will also try to include content warnings (CWs) for things that might be triggering. If there is a specific CW you would like me to be careful to tag, please let me know via reviews or PM.

Ships: I will go down with the A/O ship. They are forever my OTP. That said, at times there will be references to their having been with other people (because I think that's more realistic to the plot here). I also ship Elliot/Kathy, Amanda/Nick (begrudgingly), and Amanda/Carisi (happily). Fin/Munch bromance also holds a special place in my heart.

Title: The title of this story is from the song "The Land And the Sea" by Hannah and Maggie

Without further ado, let's get started on this one! Please review! I am always so greatful for the feedback. Thank you to all of those who follow my stories – y'all are the real MVPs.

Chapter 1: Arrivals

Detective Olivia Benson walked sluggishly down Amsterdam Ave towards the New York City Police Department's 16th precinct. Cars beeping, children shouting playfully, and the music of street performers interrupting the hum drum buzz of the Manhattan streets, the normally vigilant detective paid little attention to passersby as she continued on to her place. More than anything, she was in a blur – had been for over a week now since Jenna Fox's shooting. Almost instinctually, she looked down at her phone. No messages. No texts. She still hadn't heard from Elliot since she watched him leave the precinct, guided away by IAB. Olivia had tried to reach out to him since then, but to no avail. She had even contemplated reaching out to Kathy but decided against it. She knew her partner and that he would talk when he was ready to talk. Cragen had informed the squad that he was on administrative leave until further notice. Clearly he wasn't ready just yet.

Olivia on her part had been a mess since the prior Tuesday. Sleep evaded her with the exception of a couple of restless hours each night, and her lack of appetite kept her running thin. That said, she didn't want to show weakness. After all, once Elliot did reach out to her she knew that he'd need her to be strong to lean on. And she would be strong for him. That said, putting on a brave face was a ruse that she couldn't get past her colleagues, try as she might. After all, they were all detectives for a reason. Olivia knew that Cragen especially was worried about how she was coping with the situation, but he also knew better than to ask, as did Munch and Fin. She could do her job – go through the motions. And right now, that was enough.

Rounding the corner onto W 100th St, she decided to stop at the street cart for a cup of coffee to fuel her through the morning, plastering a fake smile onto her face as she greeted the attendant. "Morning. Can I get a cup of coffee?" she asked, silently grateful that the regular attendant's young nephew was working the stand. Harold had gotten to know Elliot and Olivia quite well over the past couple of years, habitually occupying the corner right by the precinct. He was a friendly, congenial man, and Olivia knew that he would have asked her questions about how Elliot was doing – questions that she didn't know the answer to.

"Sure thing, ma'am," the older Italian-American teen replied, turning to grab a paper cup. As he fixed her coffee, a headline sitting in a rack of the periodicals caught her eye. The red-inked words "COP OR KILLER?" shouted out from the thin newspaper of the NY Daily News, a photo of Elliot in the lower right-hand corner. Olivia bit her lip, debating about whether or not to pick up the paper and the article that would incense her. Ultimately, her concern got the best of her. What the hell did the media actually know about what happened? What did they know about her partner? she thought to herself bitterly as she glanced through the first couple of paragraphs. "Teen shot dead" "Cop on leave." "Father of 5." Sadly, she wondered if right now they actually knew more about how Elliot was doing than she did.

"Shame what happened with that, right?" The teen's voice brought Olivia out of a rage-filled haze, her eyes snapping up at the intrusion, clearly caught off guard. She managed a nod. Thankfully, her badge was out of sight, and the attendant seemed unaware that she was a cop. "Can't believe it happened right down the street. My uncle said he heard the bangs."

Still stricken silent, Olivia merely nodded again, dropping a few dollars for the coffee and paper on the metal counter as well as a small tip. She arrived at the precinct a few moments later, riding the elevator up to the fourth floor. She folded the newspaper in half and tucked it under the arm of her black blazer, not wanting to draw any more attention to the ways that the media was slandering her best friend. As she arrived at the 1-6, she was greeted almost immediately by Cragen, if you could call it that.

"Olivia, I'm sorry about your weekend," the older man offered, clearly distracted by the current happenings. The woman haphazardly tossed up her hands in absolution, mumbling something about it being fine. She didn't have the energy for much else, especially considering that her weekend had been spent nursing glasses of beer as she tried to come to terms with what was going on, of long nights spent not sleeping or dozing off only to be woken up by nightmares. "Meet the vic at Bellvue," Cragen instructed his detective, who nodded in distracted acknowledgement as she tossed her belongings down on her desk. "Get a prelim. Okay, listen!" he called out, addressing all of SVU. "Color inside the lines. The suspect is Roberto Distasio, odds-on favorite to be Italy's next Prime Minister."

Olivia exhaled heavily. The start of yet another long week. A case that would also make national headlines. And yet at the same time, the same dismal time, nothing new at all.

*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*

Assistant District Attorney inhaled deeply as she entered the elevator of the 16th Precinct in the Upper West Side. In part, it was a content response. It felt good to be back. Good to be back in Manhattan. Good to be back in the DA's office. Good to be back with SVU. And Olivia, she thought to herself.

That said, this was also the primary contributor to her nervousness. The blonde attorney had just arrived back to Manhattan two days prior from Kinshasa where she finished her time with the International Criminal Court – a position that had her traveling back and forth between the Congo and the Hague for a little over a year. She hadn't seen Olivia in just as long. After Nardalee Ula's witnessing to the court, after she had decided unilaterally to take a leave of absence from working for the DA, she had only seen the detective twice. Once on the steps of the court house and once two days later, when the two had met for dinner the night before Alex got on a plane. As could be anticipated, the dinner was awkwardly tense under the surface and lacked any sense of resolution.

Alex Cabot had fucked up. She knew that she had fucked up and that the term could only capture the half of it. She had cried all of the way to the airport, knowing quite well what she likely had lost by choosing to leave. But knowing that is was something that she didn't assuredly have in the first place. Of course, she and Olivia had a history. What had started off as a cautious acquaintanceship had quickly evolved into their being close friends soon after Alex had started at SVU. And some time after, although perhaps from the beginning, it had become something deeper, and the young ADA soon found herself deeply in love with the stunning, enigmatic detective – and found herself loved equally back. They had started a relationship that quickly became serious and that Alex imagined would have lasted indefinitely had things not changed. But then she was shot.

She was shot and whisked away into WPP – away from her home, her friends, and most importantly, away from the love of her life. And in that process, she had lost herself. Alex Cabot did not return to NYC after Liam Connors was extradited. She hadn't returned when she worked as Bureau Chief for Homicide and certainly when she had gotten engaged to a man that she didn't love. She hadn't returned three years after coming back to SVU all the while trying to pretend that everything was normal, that she still wasn't falling apart inside.

No, Alex Cabot hadn't returned to New York until two days ago since she stepped off of the direct flight from N'djili Airport. For the first time, Alex Cabot was back, and she wondered if maybe this time she would truly be home.

In the back of her mind, Alex knew that home for her meant Olivia, the woman who had her heart for the past decade, try as she might have to fight it. But she also knew very realistically that she had likely lost her chance with the detective that she had once started building a life with. That time had passed like sand running through her finger tips.

Swallowing hard, she shook the thought out of her mind for now, knowing she would be unable to handle recognizing the full consequences of this possibility. For now, she had to go back to work, back to SVU. She had to face her old colleagues, back yet again. And she had to simply face Olivia.

The ding of the elevator startled Alex back to attention, back to her objectives. She strode down the hallway, black Prada pumps clacking distinctively on the tile floor. She smiled slightly to herself remembering how the brunette detective had once told her that the sound of Alex's heels always helped the squad know that she was coming – and likely what kind of mood she was in. She wondered briefly if Olivia would hear the excitement in her steps…

That question quickly was put to the back burner, however, when she entered the department and the female detective was nowhere to be found. Instead, she forced a smile and approached the other folks whom she had missed dearly – Cragen, Munch, and Fin – and a new face that she would soon learn was Detective Amanda Rollins.

"Marvin Exley," she lamented. "How do these guys always know who to get?" she continued as she stepped into Cragen's office, catching the group by surprise.

"Alex, welcome back to the concrete jungle," Cragen greeted with a smile. He had like the blonde attorney since a few months into her tenure at SVU, when she had shown off her spunk and commitment to him and his detectives. He also held a soft spot for her knowing just how much she meant to Olivia in spite of the tumultuousness of what they both had gone through together. He quite frankly didn't know how Olivia would respond knowing that Alex was back, especially given what was going on with Elliot. He had to wonder if the blonde had told the detective that she was back in town. For the moment, however, he put such thoughts to the side. After all, they had a major case to contend with.

"Thank you," Alex replied with a smile.

"How was the Congo?" Fin asked, approaching her with Munch in tow.

"Pray for them," Alex stated more solemnly. The group continued to discuss the situation at hand, filling Alex in on the evidence that had been procured. Alex instructed them to hold Distasio at the present moment, indicating that she would contact Michael Cutter given the particular politics at play. She and Cragen remained in his office to wait for the Bureau Chief's arrival, but Fin, Munch, and Rollins exited to try to gather some more evidence in the interim. When they exited the office, closing the wooden door behind them, Fin sighed, looking up at Munch. "You think Liv knows?" The older man shrugged, honestly unsure. Fin let out another heavy breath, running his hand over his slick backed hair as he contemplated. "One of us should probly text her."

Munch placed a finger on his nose, the official indicator of a "nose goes" agreement. Rollins looked back and forth between the two men confusedly. "What's going on?" she asked, furrowing her brow.

Munch raised his eyebrows. "If you only knew."

*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*

Olivia guided Miriam into the squad room, a comforting hand placed between her shoulders. "We're gonna…" As she started to explain the next steps to the reporting process, however, she found herself stopping due to the palpable silence that greeted them. The officers in the room looked up at the pair awkwardly.

"Everyone is staring," Miriam observed, pulling at the collar of her shirt nervously as Olivia also noted her colleagues' discomfort.

"Yeah, come on. We're just going to be here for a few minutes," the brunette replied, gently guiding the black-haired victim to a more private place. She knew that this case was high-profile and wanted to assuage the concerns that Miriam might have as to that fact.

"Is he here in the station?"

"Miriam, how about you just have a seat right here," Olivia comforted, gesturing to a nearby table. "And I'm gonna come get you when we're ready for the line-up, okay?" When Miriam didn't protest, the detective moved towards Cragen's office to check in. "I'll be back in a second."

Before she could make it to her commanding officer, however, the sound of her voice stalled her, and she turned to find a blonde woman standing before her. "Hi, Amanda Rollins," the younger detective introduced in a Southern-twinged accent.

"Oh, transfer from Dallas, right?" Olivia asked in recognition.

"Yeah – well, Atlanta. You like Distasio for this?"

"Uh… he was there," the brunette replied, attention a bit all over the place. She began to turn.

"Well, I just – I-I just wanted to let you know I'm really happy to be here. I, um, I've studied a lot of your cases. I used some of the stuff you did on the Brown case. The- the infant homicide…"

"Ah, yeah," Olivia nodded at the compliment. "I haven't briefed the Captain yet, so…" she responded, gesturing towards Cragen's office and placing an apologetic hand on the younger woman's arm.

"Of course," Rollins acknowledged understandingly. "He's in the office with Bureau Chief Cutter and ADA Cabot," she added. After all, Munch and Fin had mentioned there was some type of significance to Alex's presence.

Olivia's eyes widened and her stomach dropped at the sound of her ex-lover's name. "Thank you," she managed before quickly turning, suddenly well-aware of just why everyone had been so awkward and quiet when she arrived.

*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*SVU*

She didn't even look at her. The whole time that she was in Cragen's office, she acted like Alex was a ghost that wasn't even there, replying directly to Cutter and Cragen's statements and keeping her eyes averted from the blonde elephant in the room. When she wasn't talking to the group, she placed her attention elsewhere, switching between the double-sided mirror and the window into the squad room.

Alex, on her part, could hardly look anywhere but at the detective, catching glimpses whenever she could. Olivia's hair was longer now. Much longer. Pulled up into a messy pony tail that revealed the beautiful contours of her cheek bones. That said, Alex was sad to find that the detective looks quite pale and exhausted. She knew it likely had to do with the shooting and Elliot's leave of absence. Even halfway across the world, she had heard the news. If she was being honest, it was one of the reasons she finagled her schedule so that she could leave the Congo when she did. She knew it was greatly unlikely that Olivia would seek her comfort, but she felt like she needed to be close to the brunette just in case she needed a friend.

Alex felt her heart break when she turned around and saw Olivia looking out at Elliot's desk. And little did she know just how broken the brunette's heart was. There she was standing between the desk of her partner who had currently disappeared without a word and the woman who had also left her so many times. And woman that she hadn't been sure would ever return.

Olivia left the office as soon as quickly as she had arrived, and Alex turned to face Cragen. "I heard about the shooting. Is Stabler coming back?" she asked.

"That's up to him," the Captain replied simply. Alex nodded solemnly. "Alex, why are you back?"

Alex gawked slightly, caught off-guard by the question. "My departure from the DA's office was just a leave of absence…"

Cragen cut her off. "You know what I mean."

The blonde sighed, biting her lower lip in an attempt to stall back the tears that she hoped wouldn't come. "I – I just – I" She breathed in deeply, the normally eloquent and quick-tongued attorney unable to articulate just how she felt.

Cragen nodded at the meaning in the silence. "You know that she hasn't been the same. After you leaving… After you choosing to leave," he added. Alex nodded ashamedly, unable to stop a tear from rolling down her cheek. "Look, Alex," the older man began, drawing the young attorney's eyes back towards him. The conversation was uncharacteristically personal, and Alex knew that meant it was deeply important to them both. "I know that what has happened between you and Olivia is complicated, and believe me, I do know that how things turned out isn't all on you. But trust me when I say that I have never seen Olivia love anyone as much as she loves you. And regardless of what has happened, I do believe that she still is in love with you. But sometimes, love is not enough." Alex swallowed heavily and nodded, still unable to speak.

"What I'm saying is, don't fuck this up this time Cabot. I don't know if she could handle that again. It's going to take a long time to earn back her trust." Alex looked up at the Captain curiously. Was he saying that she still had a chance? Finding her voice, Alex finally replied.

"I won't."

Cragen gave her a small smile, knowing that he had just run the attorney through the emotional ringer. After all, as much as he had never verbally admitted it, he looked upon all of his detectives a bit like the children that he always wanted and never had. And this was especially true of Olivia, who he had quite literally watched grow up in his squad room. So like any good father, it was his job to look out for her heart. That said, he knew that a large piece of that very heart had just arrived back in SVU's squad room. "I'm glad you're back, Alex. We all are."

Alex grinned softly, "Thank you, Captain."