A/N: Anne of Green Gables has always been a treasured story to me. Anne refers several times to suffering from depths of despair. This story explores her depths of despair after Gilbert proposed the first time and she turned him down. I do not own Anne, Gilbert, or the series. I do own the idea though.

Depths of despair, that's how Anne felt at the moment. Though when she had said that at the age twelve it had held a very different meaning. Before age twelve it was what Anne would say while in one of her foster homes or when she was having to go back to the orphanage again. After coming to Green Gables, the depths of despair was when Gilbert Blythe beating her in classes or not being allowed to see Diana.

This was nothing in comparison to what she had dealt with at Green Gables. And it was so different than what she had dealt with at foster homes. There no one had really wanted her. They just wanted the worker. Problems for the most part at Green Gables had been smaller, although having to not be friends with Diana had been devastating. This was a different type of devastating. Now her friend was gone and it was her fault but it was not. She had had an idea that Gilbert was interested in all complete honesty. But she never thought he would propose! She thought she had made her thoughts on that subject clear. He was a dear and treasured friend. And she was going to miss him so much. He understood her in a way no one else did even Diana. She could debate with him and have a battle of the wits with him. He had caused so much damage to her world with his proposal and then refusal to continue to be friends. She knew that it had been hard for him to refuse her that but she wished he had not. He did not want to refuse her nor did she want him too, so why had he refused her? She was going to miss her friend and she hoped he would miss her so why had he not agreed to continue to be friends?

She pulled herself out of her head enough to stare out into the garden that she had been in when her world had been messed up again. Did Gilbert not realize how unfair he was taking his friendship away like that? She had had so few friends in her life, especially a friend like him. Her conversation with Phil rang in her head, "Leave me alone, I need to rebuild my world," she had asked. "Without any Gilbert in it?" Phil had responded. She did not even know how to start rebuilding her world without any Gilbert in it. Since the age of twelve, he had been a part of her world in some way or another. Though to be fair for the first several years he was more the antagonist. However, he had grown to be someone to compete with, a friend, someone who understood her, and a guy who did not resent her brains nor her imagination. She knew that was not a common friend to have.

Anne did not know what to do now though. She wanted her friend back but he seemed pretty insistent that he wanted nothing to do with her for the moment. A flight of fancy encouraged her to try to imagine what life with Gilbert would be like. She just could not imagine it. A slight laugh came from her. She had finally found something that her imagination couldn't create. Marilla would never believe that she had found a limit to her imagination. And it was something that might actually be useful. Trying to imagine a life with Gilbert might even be considered practical by Marilla! She still could not do it though. Though she supposed that since she could not imagine it, that should be considered a sign that they were not meant to be. Gilbert would be alright with time. She was sure. Until then she would have to fight through her depths of despair and respect his wishes too. Even if she wanted to push him instead. If she was patient, maybe her friend and competitor would return.