It was three days later and Erik finally had to admit to himself; he couldn't juggle work with being part of Charles' every day. Luckily, his boyfriend had been asleep whenever he had to leave but it was leaving Erik knackered to tend to the garden in the morning, take care of Charles on the afternoon and then work during the night.

So he quit. He didn't want to tell Charles and wondered for how long he could keep the secret going. He knew, his boyfriend wouldn't accept him doing it because of him so he already knew what to say.

He would tell Charles that working late in the night and early in the morning was wearing him off a lot, - which was true - and that he he could afford being in only one job, - which wasn't really true, but he would manage.

He was working his shift at the garden, having already checked Charles was still asleep. He couldn't tell in which mood his boyfriend would wake up on but so far, there hasn't been any good day. Charles had been saying some hurtful things here and there and suddenly asking to cuddle.

It was confusing but Erik was coping, - even if that meant crying silently while the other man was asleep. He was doing his very best, being there every day and trying to still treat Charles the same, but apart from the greeting peck on the lips they exchanged, they were starting to look less and less like boyfriends.

When Charles woke up, he checked himself in the mirror - an action that had quickly become part of his morning routine. He wanted to see any kind of changes on his body first, but for now he couldn't tell if he was just dreaming having less eyelashes than before.

The doctor had told him, that he could lose his hair around three or four weeks in, just after the second treatment, and it would probably start by thinning out. Charles grabbed a fistful of his hair and pulled, just to check if it was still as strong.

He didn't want his hair falling out to be a slow process and thinking about actively making the decision of losing it would maybe help in coping. A quick glance at his razor assured him of his decision.

A surring sound filled the room, when Charles started the razor, but it took him ten minutes of just staring at it, to overcome his paralyses. God, he could do it. He would present himself to Erik like that and finally see if Erik still wanted to be with him. The waiting on that was probably the worst part of all.

He put the razor close to his head and then did the first cut, hair falling off of him. He was shaking but proceeded with shaving his head, until there was only a small flume left. It looked irregular, some bits of his hair still showing darker than others, but the chemotherapy would do the rest.

Charles let the razor fall and looked at himself while crying silently. If Erik didn't want him like that, everything would be for nothing.

He slowly stepped out of the bathroom and then walked towards the garden, where Erik was watering the plants. His heart was hammering inside his chest and he tried stopping the tears on his cheeks. "Hi", he whispered when he was close enough and immediately made Erik turn around.

Erik could give himself a round of applause for not showing any kind of shock. His eyes did widen and his boyfriend noticed it, but given the circumstances it could be a lot worse. Charles' beautiful, silky, floppy hazelnut hair had been reduced to only a thin layer around his head and it was just… Gone.

Erik took a moment to study his boyfriend and he could see how Charles was fidgeting under his stare but he was still trying to come up with words to say something.

It was an understanding to say Charles still looked breathtaking. This way, his face was more visible and so were his golden freckles. His eyes stood out with no lock of hair falling on them, and Erik felt his face breaking into a grin.

He knew Charles was making a statement there but he agreed with it; it was better to shave it off now that he had control over it and could pretend it was his own choice than to let the cancer take it away.

"Can't say I won't miss the hair but… Honey, you look gorgeous. It suits you. I like it", Erik smiled and stepped closer, pulling his gloves off. He stretched out both hands, gloves between his thighs and put them on Charles' head, running them around it and taking in.

It was a fun feeling, pleasant for his tact even if it was uneven. He let his fingertips dig softly on the scalp, half caressing, half massaging it. "When are we doing me, hm? Can't wait for it", he asked gently, looking down to lock eyes with the other man.

Charles looked up into Erik's honest face and felt a big part of him relaxing as relief ran through his whole body. It was either that Erik actually still loved him like that and really thought he was gorgeous, or that he was a really good actor. But If latter would be right, Erik hadn't done a nice job at hiding his emotions and true thoughts before. Either way, though, Erik was still staying with him and that made Charles exhale loudly.

"Do you really want to? I mean, you see how .. it can look", Charles asked and pointed at his head, still sounding unsure about his transformation.

But Erik only smiled and eyed Charles' bald head again, nodding. "Of course, I really want to look as pretty, but I have a feeling my head isn't made for that", Charles' boyfriend answered.

"Well, you really don't need to then-" - "But I want to. Don't try and talk me out of this, I've made my decision." Charles blushed a little and then nodded.

He threw his hands around Erik's body and pressed himself closer, hugging him while hiding his face in the crook of Erik's neck. He inhaled deeply the warm, strong scent that was so familiar now. God, how he had missed Erik, being with him like that. "I love you so much", he whispered and kissed the spot underneath Erik's ear.

It wasn't his fault that upon hearing those words, his eyes filled with tears and some of them slipped out. It had only been four days since the chemo but he had felt utterly unloved by his boyfriend during that time, like he had never felt before.

"I love you too", he said steadily, hiding his quivering voice. But Charles was bald now and the tears fell to his head, making him pull away and look up startled.

"You're.. Why are you crying?", he asked, arms still around Erik's waist. "I'm not", he answered gruffly, looking away. Charles just looked so alive today, it was overwhelming!

"Erik…", his boyfriend said on his so familiar warning tone. "We just.. Haven't said that in a while, that's all", he answered, knowing he had said it plenty. It wasn't like Erik needed to hear it everyday or that he was an insecure person, he truly wasn't. But those events had left him on edge and since it was the first time they had gone to chemo, Erik wasn't sure it was a permanent state or if it would get better. He was happy it was the latter.

"Erik-", Charles started again but was quieted when Erik pressed a tiny kiss to his lips. "Let's go.. I think I can take a break now and you can train your hairdresser skills on me", he said pulling Charles to the mansion, not wanting to talk about it.

On the way to the room, they stopped at the kitchen and Erik asked for Charles' breakfast, sure his boyfriend had skipped it.

Charles wasn't particularly hungry, but he ignored that in order to make Erik happy and calm. They balanced the tray into Charles' room and put it down there. Erik forced Charles to eat at least half of it, before he even released him to shave the hair.

"Are you sure you want to do this?", Charles asked, once they were in the bathroom and looking at each other in the mirror. Erik smiled reassuringly at Charles and nodded, before he bent down to give a quick kiss to Charles' head. Then Erik sat on the toilet seat and looked up, waiting for Charles to start.

"God, I don't know if I can do that", Charles said and took a deep breath that left a sting to him, but he didn't pay much attention to it. Of course, Erik's hair would grow again, but it would take time and why would Charles want to do that to Erik? Erik wasn't the one sick, so he didn't need to be treated like it.

"C'mon, Charles. It's okay", Erik encouraged him and took his wrist to guide the razor towards his head.

Charles took another deep breath in order to calm himself and then proceed with the plan, but this time his chest ached more and then there was such a sharp pain in his body, like he had been struck by a lightning. Charles screamed and saw himself falling to the floor, hitting his head on the cold tiles, before he blacked out from the pain inside his lungs.

It scared the life out of him when Charles collapsed, but differently from the last times, he didn't freak out completely because this was starting to become normal to him as well.

He carefully picked Charles up, noticing how lighter he had become out of a sudden and took him to his bedroom, depositing him in bed gently. He took his cellphone and dialed 911, scared Charles had hurt his head when he hit it on the floor and needed to take scans to make sure he was alright.

He kissed his boyfriend's forehead and left the room, being weirdly calm, to alert Sharon and Brian about what had happened. Both fled to the room, worried and wanting to wait for the ambulance next to their son.

Erik was worried too, also scared that Charles had hurt himself terribly but at the same time, he was waiting for a doctor to tell him things weren't alright before freaking out; he feared he would start losing hair out of worry before they got the chance to shave it off themselves.

Erik drove a family car after the ambulance with Sharon, Brian and Charles in it. The hospital was becoming familiar now and Erik bid good morning to the people on the entrance before going to the waiting room with no need to be guided or escorted there. He sat down next to Sharon and asked "What did they say on the ambulance?".

"He needs a scan to see if he hurt his head. And we all know it was because of his lungs so they are checking that as well but it's hard to give him drugs with the chemo and all now".

Erik nodded and thought of his mother, how he wanted her to reassure him at that moment but couldn't get there in the hospital because Charles wasn't ready. He reached out then and held Sharon's thin hand.

She tensed and looked up at Erik, being startled. Then, her fingers curled around his and they held each other's hand, waiting for the doctor to call them and say they could see Charles.

So much for thinking today would be a good day.

When Charles woke up, everyone was in the room like always, but they all had a worried expression, even more than usual. Immediately, all his insides clenched together in fear, but that only shot new pain through his body and he groaned. He wanted to speak, but a huge tube was blocking the way and only then, he heard the weird breathing sound that didn't come from himself.

He glanced to his right and saw a huge oxygen tank, but also some kind of pumping mechanism inside, that acted like his lung. It dawned to him, that this machine was breathing for him and he wanted to scream.

"Honey, I'm so glad you're awake", Sharon started, tears shimmering in her eyes. "The doctors said that your lungs collapsed, both of them. It was- god..", her voice was so thin and shaky and new tears escaped her eyes.

Charles hated himself for causing them all so much pain and worry. Both his parents and even Erik looked so much older than they actually were, all because of Charles.

The doctor came inside the room then, someone must have called him when Charles had woken up. He had a frown on his face instead of the usual smile. "Mr Xavier, I didn't expect us to meet that soon again. I also thought we would meet under lighter circumstances."

He looked into a file that was probably filled with new tests from Charles and made an even unhappier face. "The cancer is spreading. There isn't much we can do, except maintaining the chemo to give you some more time", the doctor said and it was like everyone was holding their breath.

Nobody wanted to ask the question, but in the end Brian gave in and asked "how long?".

"Two weeks maximum, but it could be days. We have to see the development. I'm truly sorry about that and I know it comes with a shock now. We have a good therapist in the house if any of you want to talk, but I'd advice for Charles to stay in here."

"What do you mean?", Erik screeched, all eyes turning to him. "What the fuck is the chemo for if it's not buying him any time?", he asked, anger filling him up because the only thing starting the treatment did was take off a few days they had together. Was to transform his boyfriend into a sick person who only slept for four days.

"We started the treatment too late", the doctor said calmly as if it was alright. Charles is going to die in two weeks or less, sure, okay. Well, it wasn't alright.

"No! We didn't… We have to… There's this whole list!", he protested knowing he wasn't making any sense but they needed time! A whole lot more! The bucket list wasn't even filled yet.

"What about.. Our tattoos and? The sloth, the beach? No! That's not right, you need to do something! What kind of fucking doctor are you?", Erik was protesting now, feeling the tears slipping down his cheeks.

"Erik, you need to calm down, son", Brian said, putting a hand on his shoulder even if he was crying as well. Erik turned his gaze towards Charles now, the huge blue eyes were scared and shocked and this was all too much for him.

Erik shook his head and pressed out "No.. I-I need to.. Go", practically fleeting the room after that. He walked out of the hospital, past the car and beyond. He was getting tired at some point but he kept going.

They shouldn't get the chemo anymore. Charles was dying anyway and now Erik understood he wanted to die with dignity, still looking like himself. That ship had sailed but they could still salvage a little from it.

He only noticed where he was when he was already knocking the doorbell and his mother's husband opened the door. He seemed shocked to see him there, looking like such a mess. He immediately called Edie who wrapped her thin arms around his neck, asking him what was happening.

"He's dying, ma.. He's dying", he sobbed desperately, making her dress all wet.

When he calmed down a little bit, she pulled away and murmured "You never introduced us", which made Erik hiccup "He isn't ready… He'll never be".

His mother looked at him in a way Erik could only read as pity and he lost it. "What? You think I made him up or something? He doesn't want to meet you!", he yelled at her, mood changing completely.

"You know what? I don't need this! Everyone leaves! My dad left, Charles is leaving… you married that man and abandoned me! Do you think I need you? Well I don't!", he screamed, throat burning up along with his eyes.

He was soon enveloped into a hug again and pulled inside the house, his mother fussing over him while he just cried and cried.

The shock sat deep inside Charles' aching bones, making him shake and shiver uncomfortably. A few days? That was… so little time.

His eyes filled with tears while his parents tried to soothe him a little with comforting words and small touches. It hadn't helped either that Erik had started to list all those things, Charles had still wanted to do. Now it was too late for everything, because he would be tied to this hospital bed until it was all over.

"Charles, he'll be back, no worries", Brian tried to soothe him, but Erik running away was the least of his concerns now. He knew Erik enough to know that he would come back again and didn't worry about it. Erik needed time and air to process what was happening just like Charles did.

His mother looked similar pale as Erik had looked like and she walked towards the window, looking outside for a while. Charles closed his eyes and cried silently.

The fear of his inevitable death was getting bigger now that it was close. He would never get to see Erik or his parents again. Never again Bertha and other servants.

"Charles, it's alright, Pshh", Brian still tried, but his hands were shaking as well and he had to sit down. Charles still hadn't done so many things! He hadn't given the letter to his mum and he hadn't finished reading his book. He wasn't ready to die!

It took Erik a couple hours to calm down. His mother was there with him all the while, caressing his hair that never got to be shaved and saying soothing words.

She made him tea and they talked a bit in lower tones, Edie saying she never abandoned him but Erik wasn't in the mood for a heart to heart or even to forgive her. He needed someone to hate, needed something to stay normal while his whole world was crashing down.

He left her house and grabbed a bus to his own apartment. The place reminded him a lot of his boyfriend; Charles' cardigan thrown on his couch, some of his books on Erik's shelf and his bucket list on the fridge.

Erik stepped closer to it and read each item carefully. He didn't start crying again because he suspected there were no tears in him anymore. Instead, he decided to fill his mind with something else.

He could arrange to get Charles in a wheelchair so they could sit in front of the window and watch the sunrise and sunset on the same day, - even if he fell asleep in between.

He could even write a message to put in a bottle so Erik could put it on the sea for him. They could watch origami classes online with Erik doing them for him. And the love letter he so wanted to receive was already done inside of the drawer on his nightstand.

It hurt him that his favorite one, - showering naked on a waterfall - and so many others wouldn't get filled. He felt a terrible need to apologise to his boyfriend. He could have done better, could have made it all come true faster if only he didn't hope for more time.

Erik took a quick shower, grabbed a change of clothes and Charles' love letter before going to the mansion. There, he got Charles' laptop and his latest book, - he would read for him - and updated the staff about him, all of them promising to come visit soon.

Bertha hugged him tight and told him to hang on strong before he mounted his bike and finally made his way back to where he was supposed to be.

Charles had fallen asleep and hadn't seen Erik arriving. The doctor had given him something to calm his nerves, only something light because of the chemo, but it had effectively put him to sleep. The chemo was still wearing him off, so it had been no problem, once his nerves were calmed.

When he woke up again, he saw Erik sitting there and and felt happier than ever just by seeing him again. It was still a weird situation, considering that his health was going downhill fast, but the medicine must still work, because Charles felt calmer about it. He still couldn't speak, though, which sucked, but the doctor had promised to remove the tube today.

Charles reached for Erik's hand, the owner of it sleeping soundly on the chair next to him. But as soon as they touched, Erik woke up and stared at Charles. Then his mind seemed to finally catch up with everything and he sat himself up.

"Hey, how are you feeling?", Erik asked in a whisper, because Charles' parents were napping as well. Charles just shrugged and made a vague hand gesture. He was still tired, despite having slept for hours, but that was a normal condition now, he guessed. He felt Erik squeezing his hand and smiled at him.

"I'm sorry I had to leave, but I'm back now and I'm not giving up, do you hear me? We can still cross some of those things from your list."

Charles wasn't sure about that, but he couldn't voice his doubts now, so he just squeezed Erik's hand in return. Then he eyed the water bottle that had been set on the table for him and Erik was quick to understand and give it to him.

Erik watched as Charles drank his water with difficulty and it slipped out of his mouth, down his cheek and chin. He came closer and cleaned it with his sleeve, smiling down softly at his beautiful boyfriend.

Then, he grabbed the bottle back and put it on the bedside table. "Would you like me to read a little for you? I brought your book", he said and saw how Charles' eyes lit up at that and he nodded.

Erik opened his bag and pulled the book out before saying "Scoot", and helping Charles a little as he opened space on the hospital bed. He immediately climbed on it next to his boyfriend and opened the book, reading it in a low tone as to not disturb Sharon and Brian.

Almost two hours later, Charles was asleep next to him and Erik had long stopped reading. The door was opened and he looked at it startled to see Charles' doctor narrowing his eyes at him who was sharing the bed with the patient.

"I'm here to take off the tube now", he said and had to wake Charles up for it, seeing that if his boyfriend woke up in the middle of it he could be scared and cause something bad to happen. Charles blinked his eyes open very slowly and the doctor took the tube away, while Sharon and Brian watched from their spot, already awake but not wanting to interrupt the process.

"Okay, we've done this before, Charles. Take a deep breath and then continue to breathe normally", the doctor explained once again and Charles nodded, taking said deep breath.

The tube was pulled out of him and when it was fully removed, Charles breathed out slowly again in order to reduce the coughing. His throat felt dry and abused, but he barely coughed and drank some water to stop it quickly. The doctor did a quick check on his throat and then sat down next to him, wanting to speak.

"Can all of the people in the room listen to our discussion now?", the doctor asked and Charles agreed with a nod, unable to speak so quickly again. "Alright. We want to make this as painless for you as possible, okay? I'm gonna give you some painkillers and you choose if you want to stop the chemo. Whenever you have trouble breathing just call the nurses and they'll know what to do."

Charles looked at the doctor with huge, watery eyes. He was overwhelmed by the sudden rush of events, but he had been ready for a while now. Fighting the cancer now- it would only cause unnecessary pain. "I don't want.. the chemo", he answered in a hoarse voice and heard a gurgling sound whenever he inhaled.

The doctor nodded and noted that on a file that he was carrying. They discussed some more symptoms that could come up now, like coughing blood, freezing, up to headaches and several dysfunctions of his organs. When the doctor was finally done, he left the room and the silence in it was so heavy, Charles thought he could touch it.

"I'm sorry… that I brought this… upon you", Charles then apologised, feeling more than guilty for having now people who were going to miss him.

Erik sucked in a breath and stepped closer to Charles in order to hold his hand. "I'm not sorry", he said as steadily as he could at that moment "I'm quite thankful I got to meet the love of my life. Most people don't".

The words came out of his heart and he knew Charles wanted to say something about it but couldn't because his parents were there. Erik really wanted some privacy there so they could talk and he could give Charles his letter but how could he take their time together away?

"Don't say that, honey", Sharon and Brian walked closer to the bed. "You're our son and you gave us the most happy times of our lives", she said and then Brian took over "We're proud of you, son".

Erik saw how his boyfriend's eyes filled with tears and some slipped out upon hearing those words. He nodded slowly and looked all of them in the eyes, the last one being Erik. They both held each other's gazes, it speaking louder than anything else. Turns out, Erik never had to ask for privacy because Sharon and Brian went silently away.

He took the opportunity to sit on the bed and cup Charles' face with his free hand. "I love you, schatz. You're my heart and will always be… No one's ever going to fill your space because they can't compare with how bright, loving and kind you are", he whispered now crying as well.

"That's what.. I'm afraid of", Charles said with the gurgling sound, tasting a little bit of copper on his tongue but swallowing it down anyways. He couldn't risk coughing blood now in such an important moment.

Erik looked like a kicked puppy when Charles said that, like he didn't know how to convince him from the opposite. But there was no convincing to be done, because Charles was right and he knew that. He didn't want to fill up the space in Erik's heart and always be in the way of his future luck. He wanted Erik to forget about him, to move on with his life and not refer to him as the love of his life. Because, if Charles really was that, then Erik had an even worse fate than Charles did.

"Nobody will forget you, Charles", Erik tried again, his voice sounding shaky from all the tears that had been streaming down his face. Charles gently reached out and wiped the tears aways as best as he could.

"But.. you should.. I will just… be in the .. way", he said and coughed a little, his breath rattling from the effort of breathing alone again.

Erik wasn't quite sure of what to say there. He couldn't promise Charles that he would move on and find someone else because at that moment, he didn't think that would ever possible. And on the other hand, his boyfriend wouldn't accept that there's one soulmate for people, and Erik was lucky enough to find his in such young age.

"You could never be on the way", he said gently, leaning closer so that it would be easier for Charles to dry his face. "You're going to be exactly where you're supposed to be. I told you, most people don't ever get to meet someone and love them wholeheartedly like I love you. That will never disappear and I don't resent that fact. I'm thankful", Erik said.

Charles was crying as well, bottom lip trembling but didn't say anything this time. "I have something for you", Erik said and got up, getting the letter out of his backpack. "I'm sorry I was never able to give you anything when you gave me so much… I hope that somehow this can be enough", he told the other man and handed him the folded paper.

He didn't know if Charles would read it now but it still made him nervous. He knew those words by heart now.

Dear Charles,

I woke up this morning and felt awfully alone. I stared at the ceiling for a moment, thinking something was terribly missing, but then, I finally synchronized with my surroundings and noticed this noise on the background.

It was the shower running. You are in there right now, taking a shower on my bathroom like you belong there. And you do. Suddenly I don't feel alone anymore, I feel loved and warm.

You made me feel like I'm worth being the subject of such care. The way you look at me sometimes overwhelms me in such levels I can't explain. I never thought someone would love me like this and there you are on my shower, proving me wrong.

It isn't a fancy one like in your house where the water comes steamy and the pressure is perfect. No. Here, the water is lukewarm and there's barely any coming out but you're still humming.

I've never heard you hum before. It's this Beatles song that I feel like dancing for you to, and you sound slightly off rhythm but it's still lovely to wake up to this.

I'm not a poet or writer and I feel like I'm babbling so far. The point is, I used to wake up feeling alone everyday, and that sensation wouldn't leave me through the whole day. Now, I have you in my shower and I honestly think I should go join you, hold you or love you like we did last night. Because I've never been this happy in my existence, never felt like I belonged somewhere like I do now.

This is probably not the love letter you expected, is it? I'm truly sorry about that. I've been waiting to write this, thinking I have time and in a year I'll love you more than I do now and will be able to write something better. But upon waking up and realising you're still here, I came to a conclusion.

I love you more with each passing second. I could rewrite this letter so much better if I started it again right now and so on for the rest of times.

You brought me back to life.

And I love you, schatz.

Your Erik.

Charles had the letter unfolded in the moment Erik had handed it to him. He read those words carefully and watered up halfway through the paper. Why would Erik apologise for such a sweet letter?

"Erik", he breathed out and a tear escaped his eyes. He felt Erik's hand on his cheek and a thumb brushing the tear away gently.

After reading the letter twice, he finally looked up and locked eyes with his boyfriend. Erik looked unsure and as if he was feeling bad for writing such things. Charles could only guess, that Erik thought these words could never explain how much he really felt, but they were actually doing a great job.

"Thank you so much, I… I love you, Erik", he said gently and pulled himself up a little and kissed Erik gently. It was a careful kiss, tentatively brushing their lips together and breathing against each other's skin. Charles shuddered and pulled away then. "Ich liebe dich auch", Erik answered in his mother tongue.

"I have.. a letter, too", he then said when they parted and took Erik's hand. "It's in Westchester.. in my drawer. But… only open it… when I'm…", he trailed off then, not wanting to ruin the moment by mentioning the inevitable.

Erik nodded and kissed Charles' lips very gently, a butterfly touch. He wanted to say more but then the door opened, Sharon and Brian coming back to the room.

Charles dried his tears and folded the letter back, putting it underneath his book on the nightstand. Erik was quick to change subjects, not because they were saying something wrong but simply because it was too intimate.

"I went by your house… Bertha and the others said they would come by to visit tomorrow. Isn't that good?", he asked and it made Charles smile along with his parents.

After that, they talked and spent time together, Charles napping in between. Later, a nurse came by with a cloth and a bowl, telling them it was time for Charles' bath, if they could leave the room please.

Erik didn't want to and got up against his will, but then, Charles held his hand and asked almost shyly to the nurse "Can.. He do it?", which made Erik's heart flutter inside his chest.

Having the chance to see and touch his boyfriend again even if in the most innocent way was enough to make him excited. "Of course", she answered with a smile and placed the things there, before leaving the room with Sharon and Brian.

Charles managed to unbutton his nightgown while Erik went to the bathroom to fill water into the bowl and wet the cloth. It felt almost useless now to think of such normal things as washing and eating, when soon all of that would be for nothing. Plus, Charles really didn't feel hungry these days, but he didn't tell that to anybody yet. It would just make them worry.

"Alright, can you sit up a little?", Erik asked when he came back from the bathroom, positioning the bowl on the nightstand next to Charles.

Charles tried sitting himself up and was relieved that Erik was quick to put some pillows behind him to steady him more. The washcloth was warm when Erik started brushing it all over Charles' chest carefully. They needed to be quick to dry Charles again, so they wouldn't soak the bed, but that was alright, they managed just fine.

His eyes were on Erik all the time, watching him gently washing his body. Charles felt so loved and cared for in that very moment, that he felt his heart swelling. When Erik was done with the body, he moved to Charles head and brushed the cloth all over it. It was a weird feeling to be washed there without his hair and he closed his eyes.
"Feels weird.. I didn't.. even need.. to shave my .. head", Charles commented and coughed a little more, this time a little bit of blood was escaping his lips.

Erik glanced down at Charles' lips, even more red now that they were tinted by blood. He dabbed at it with the cloth and said "I'm kinda glad you did. I like it… I mean, look at that beautiful head! I couldn't pull this off", honesty seeping on each word.

Charles chuckled a little, finally seeming to understand Erik meant it with all his heart. He didn't say anything about the blood his boyfriend coughed but he knew there wasn't much to say. They knew that was going to happen along with so much more and while they weren't ignoring it, it felt nice to not acknowledge how close to dying Charles was.

The other man took another nap after his bath and Erik spent time chatting with his in-laws. It was good that they accepted him now, saw him as their equal and their son's boyfriend. They were nice towards him and even Sharon had warmed up, holding Erik's hand when it all seemed too hard, too impossible.

They both went to the mansion that night, saying they would be back first thing in the morning. It's not that they didn't want to stay with Charles but the hospital room didn't offer enough space for barely a person to sleep there, imagine three. They knew Erik wasn't going anywhere and therefore, they left.

He put his alarm on before falling asleep and it promptly woke him up at 4 am. It was enough time for Erik to go outside and find a nurse, explaining his plan and ask if it were possible and what best place to make it happen. Soon, he was pushing a wheelchair back to Charles' room, planning on taking him to this window where they could watch the sunrise from.

"Charles? C'mon schatz, wake up. You've been sleeping for long enough", he said and a while later, beautiful eyes blinked open at him. "Hey.. I have a surprise, let's get you on that chair", he said and while Charles was still sleepy, he carried him easily onto the chair.

By the time they rolled out of the room, his boyfriend was already awake enough to question what Erik was doing and where were they going.

"Erik tell me", Charles said weakly, his pale hands wrapping around the armrests of his wheelchair. He wondered how a tattoo would have looked like on him now. Maybe it would contrast weirdly on his almost white skin.

"Patient, young padawan", Erik laughed and Charles groaned exaggeratedly, but didn't ask again. Erik soon rolled him towards a large window and positioned the chair in front of it, before grabbing a normal chair from the next room. Charles was confused, but when he saw the first rays of sunshine already laying over the horizon, he understood.

"We're gonna... watch the sunrise … together?", he asked excitedly and beamed at Erik. It was nice to see that Erik really hadn't given up on making some of Charles' wishes come true.

"And sunset later, of course", Erik grinned that wide smile of his and for a moment… for a moment Charles felt like the most normal boy in the world. He was happy, watching the sunrise with his boyfriend and just enjoying each other's presence.

He took Erik's hand and gave it a short kiss, before letting their joined hands fall onto his lap. "Your hands are cold", Erik said next to him, his voice calm and somewhat peaceful.

"That's okay… the sun will.. warm me up", Charles smiled and looked at Erik, before leaning towards him and nuzzling his neck.

"Erik… I'm .. afraid", he whispered into a silence that had lasted for quite a while, but he couldn't hold onto himself anymore. "I'm ready… but I'm.. afraid."

Erik held Charles' hand tighter and leaned his head a little closer to his boyfriend's. "I know, sweetie. I am afraid too… I can't tell you that it will be easy or.. peaceful. But I can say I will be with you. I'll hold your hand and I won't let go", he promised and turned his angle a little to kiss Charles' head.

"Thank you", his boyfriend mumbled. "We'll go through it together", Erik tried reassuring him again, finding himself empty of words and resigning that fact so badly. He wished he could make Charles feel safer, better, but he was dying and there was nothing Erik could do. He was useless.

"I've prepared for this… my whole… life", he continued then when Erik thought he was done talking and the silence was threatening to swallow them. "But it was… easier.. when I didn't.. know you". Erik nodded at that, knowing exactly what the other man meant. "I wish I could apologise, Charles. But I know we were meant to be", he said after a small moment.

"I won't... apologise either", his boyfriend agreed. They sat there and after the sun was completely up, Erik felt himself warming up and more and more sure of what he was about to say.

"Marry me", he blurted out, meaning each word. Charles pulled away with wide eyes and stared at him with his mouth hanging open. "Erik..", he mumbled a second later "Erik… I'm dying", he finally completed his sentence. "I don't care", Erik shook his head. "Promise me this; promise you're mine till death do us apart, Charles. Right here, right now. We don't need any witnesses, just marry me and I'll marry you", he said again, bringing Charles' hand towards his heart and just holding it there.

"Isn't this where we're heading? If things were how they were supposed to be… we'd marry and have kids. We'd have all that future you told me once. I just want to say we had it", he finished up, hopeful and desperate.

Charles was still baffled by Erik's sudden proposal. He had never expected that - well, of course, he had thought about marrying Erik, because he was picturing their future like this as well. But marrying Erik had only been one part of that future, one small detail to all the glory. He would have wanted kids and a house and, well, and Erik as his husband.

It was a wish of Charles, yes, but he had never added it to his bucket list, because he didn't want to leave Erik as a widower so early in his life. It would just be another thing in Erik's life that would have made it harder for him to move on. One more burden that Charles was putting on Erik's back to hold.

But Erik had offered, he had proposed to Charles, so why would Charles ever decline it? It sounded like something loose anyways, not the whole official thing. And god, Charles wanted to marry that man right next to him with all his heart.

"It would be … where we're heading", Charles agreed and saw a huge smile on Erik's face, but he hadn't said yes yet and both of them knew that. "I'll say yes.. I will promise .. you this… if you promise.. me something too."

Erik smiled even bigger now and grabbed Charles' hand, before guiding it to his lips to kiss his knuckled firmly. "Anything", Charles heard and felt Erik murmuring against his skin.

"Promise me.. you'll move on.. after me. I want you … to be happy. And promise me… you'll finish my.. bucket list."

Erik swallowed around a knot on his throat because those things… He didn't want to finish the bucket list on his own, without Charles completing it himself… It tear at his heart to think he would die before doing it all.

And moving on? It didn't seem something possible at the moment. How he could ever get over Charles? Overwrite the feel of his lips in order to memorise someone else's… Share his bed and life with another person.

"I can't imagine that", he murmured, pressing his forehead to Charles' shoulder "But I'll try… I'll just.. Never forget you", Erik promised and felt his boyfriend nod. "Then yes… I'll… Marry you", Charles breathed out and Erik's heart started beating impossibly fast.

"Yeah?", he asked pulling away and smiling at that beautiful human being there. "Yes", Charles nodded and they went towards each other at the same time, lips pressing firmly together. Erik just stayed there in the moment, but Charles let his tongue flicker out to lick Erik's lips and then invade his mouth, kissing the breath out of him.

When they broke apart, they were both panting but Charles mostly because of his lungs. He probably should go back to the oxygen tank soon. "I love you, husband", Erik said in a low tone, meaning the words so very much. He didn't care they didn't sign papers, there was no witnesses or a priest. To him, they were married. It was real.

"I love you too, husband", Charles agreed with a dopey smile and they just stared at each other's eyes for a long time. Then, they had to go back to the room because even with the sun, Charles' hands were still cold and he was still breathing hardly.

Erik helped his boyfriend onto the bed again and kissed his forehead and then lips. "Rest, husband… I'll see you when you wake up. You have visitors today… Bertha is very excited to see you", he said nicely and then his boyfriend nodded, blinking slowly "Can't wait.. to see.. them".

Erik smiled. When Charles fell asleep, he went down the lobby to those automatic machines and picked out one of the packs he knew there were plastic jewellry. He had to buy six until he had two rings.

When Charles woke up again, his visitors were already in the room. Bertha was the closest to him and he could see tears shining in her eyes, but she was still smiling. Erik was there as well and his parents, but they stayed in the background so the new visitors could be closer to Charles.

"Hi", he whispered with a thin voice, as his throat tried to adjust again. He stretched out his hand and Bertha took it into her big one, patting the back of his hand gently.

"Hello, Charles. How are you feeling?", she asked in her motherly tone that Charles hadn't heard since he was younger. It was that very fond voice, that only hinted a little bit of her sadness.

"Hmm, still sleepy.. but I'm okay…", Charles answered, but he was still pale and his voice was cracky, so Bertha probably knew that he was lying. But how should he feel in his last days? Definitely not alive and energetic. Still, he couldn't blame her for asking - none of them had ever gone through a similar situation.

"Bertha.. I want to… give you my… clothes.. for your nephew", Charles then said. He had been thinking a lot about giving away some of his stuff and he really wanted Bertha to get those clothes and some small things that he had named on a letter, he had given to his parents. A bit more tricky were the things he would leave for Erik, because those were his, but his parents probably expected to get them back.

"Erik?.. I want to.. give you my.. CD's and.. books. And I want you… to be the only.. inheritor of.. the Xavier fortune. So you.. get to go.. to college", Charles breathed and felt his chest aching a little.

"Charles, I- I can't", Erik breathed out from the back of the room where he was standing next to Sharon and Brian, they all looking at Charles with wide eyes. "It's not.. mine and.. Your family has worked hard to keep it. I'm not after money, love", he said softly, even if he knew Charles was aware he had never been with him because of his fortune.

"That's why… I want you… to have it", he pressed out with a small smile. "Mom? Dad?", Charles asked then, looking at them and waiting for their approval. Erik was a little more than overwhelmed this was happening. It was surprising that Sharon reached out and put a hand on his shoulder, a soft, but sad, smile on her face. "I think it's a good idea", she said and Erik's hand started to shake.

"I.. really don't deserve this, it's… too much and I-" - "Shut up", Charles said from the bed a little more forcefully than he had been talking so far "And just… come here.. kiss me", he asked and Erik was quick to comply, stepping closer to the bed and giving him a chaste kiss on the lips. Then, he whispered on Charles' ear "Thank you, husband", kissing the skin right before his ear.

"You're welcome", Charles said and after that, they all chatted a bit, Charles' attention turned towards Bertha as this seemed like it would be the last time they would ever see each other. When she left, she was crying and Erik followed her, hugging her on the corridor and sobbing a little as well.
"Thank you for coming. It means a lot to him", he said and Bertha reached out, putting a hand on his cheek "I'm so glad he met you", she said warmly and motherly, which made him smile through his tears. "And I'm glad he had you", he answered back.

Sharon and Brian went to eat dinner and even tried convincing Erik to come, but he wouldn't leave Charles' side. Charles knew, Erik wanted to watch the sunset with him, so that's why he didn't go, but was worried about Erik's eating habits nonetheless.

They rolled to the same window, from where they had watched the sunrise as well. Charles leaned against Erik once again and their hands were intertwined on Erik's lap this time. He was feeling tired and weak from not eating the whole day, but he just wasn't hungry.

"Are you really sure about the money?", Erik asked and sounded very unsure. It only ensured Charles in inheriting his fortune to Erik, because Erik wouldn't spend it easily.

"Yes. You deserve it." His voice was rattling and even thinner than in that morning, but none of them commented on it. "I will.. always.. love you", he murmured and they kissed gently as the sun set slowly.

The next morning Charles couldn't bring up the strength to overcome the pain of talking anymore. He lied in bed and his chest was aching despite the painkillers. His eyes were barely cracked open, watching the sunlight hit his pale skin but barely feeling the warmth of it.

He fell asleep once again, barely able to stay awake for more than an hour now. His death was coming closer with big steps, but he felt rather peaceful as long as he woke up to Erik sitting next to him.

He woke up a little later than usual, the tiredness taking care of him and making him linger on the sleepy state he had been on. But his dreams had been bothering him because he had forgotten something, - oh! The plastic rings.

Erik blinked his eyes open and looked immediately at Charles as he reached for his pocket to pick them up. Sharon and Brian were not back yet and he knew he had enough time to show his husband the cute blue and green rings. He rolled them on his hand and looked at them, pride and love swelling at his chest-

Beeeeeeeeeeeep…. The machine that was connected to Charles made a different noise that it had been doing ever since the beginning and Erik's head snapped towards it, his neck making a loud sound because it had been too fast. The lifeline was flat and the sound was almost deafening.

Erik got up, the rings falling from his hand to the ground as he ran to the door yelling "Nurse! Nurse! Anyone- please", he called out at the same time he went back towards Charles and put both of his hands on his chest, doing CPR, steadily pressing there to make his heart beat again, to make Charles live for just a little longer.

Erik couldn't see anything in front of him and for a second wondered why, but those were the tears on his eyes, stopping him from seeing. The fat drops fell to Charles' body and Erik started begging "Please… Please, Charles.. Don't leave me. Not yet.. Please, I-I can't live without you, how am I supposed to- I didn't even give you the ring, I - I need to tell you.. I- I love you… Please, baby.. No, no, no.. Don't leave me", he asked, crying and yelling.

Soon, there was a doctor there and nurses who took over Erik's place and pushed him back to the end of the room, where he watched shocked and desperate, whispering "No… No.. No! Not.. please.. no!", all over again as a mad person. He just needed to see those eyes once more, needed to see Charles smile and hold his hand. He couldn't die, NO! Not Charles, not the amazing boy Erik had met in a boring party, who had gone up the stairs despite his illness and had sat on that rooftop with him.

Not the man who had named a star 'Cherik' and made out with Erik under it. Not the one who took him to Paris and kissed him under the Tower, loved him and showed him what it was like to feel so deeply desired, so good about himself.

"Please… not yet", he asked, sliding down on the floor and hiding his face between his knees, while the doctors worked to get Charles back and win him at least another day.

There was a terrible loud beep to what Charles woke up to and he couldn't even bring himself to open his eyes. Everything inside of him was cramped and he had to struggle to breath. Then he heard the beeping return into a more familiar sound and suddenly his eyes flew open in fear.

He had been dead. He was dead and they brought him back, he thought in a very dizzy state of mind. His heart was pumping again, but everything inside of him was aching. The gurgling sound when he breathed was starting to sound as if he was underwater. Tears were shimmering in his eyes.

"Charles! Oh god, Charles", he heard Erik's shaky voice and then he came into his sight and Charles saw the tears streaming down his face. Erik's hand came up to stroke over Charles' cheek.

Moments later his parents appeared next to him, looking similarly shocked and devastated. Charles only wondered why they brought him back, but he was barely thinking anything anyways. It was more like he saw things and barely processed them, before he already saw another thing and started to process this.

"It's okay, love. We're here for you, you can let go now", he heard his father's voice and fixated his eyes on him. It was like his line of sight was already darkening at the borders and he didn't see sharp anymore.

"We will always love you, my dear", Sharon said with a shaky voice and ran her fingers over his head. Charles lingered on his mother for a moment, before his eyes flickered towards Erik.

Erik was crying desperately, but he put something on Charles' almost lifeless hand and then held it up so Charles could see the small, blue plastic ring on it. A tear slipped through Charles' open eyes and Erik kissed the ring on his finger. "I love you so much, God, I can't- .. I'll be with you forever, Charles", Erik said brokenly and cried even more.

Charles felt like he couldn't breath and he desperately tried pumping air into his lungs, but suddenly the massive pain just stopped and he let go. His vision went black, but it was like he could still hear them talking to him. "It's okay, let go, we love you, it's okay."

And it was okay, because he died in the presence of his loved ones, all gathered together one last time.

THE END

A/N : Thank you so much everyone who kept up!